Just a thing that's been rattling in my head since a certain scene in Owlcat's Rogue Trader.
Spoiler alerts for the game, up to early chapter 4.
Bifrost von Valancius, Rogue Trader of the Koronus Expanse, was extremely happy to be back on her ship.
It still was weird, thinking of it as "her" ship. Lots of things about her recent and sudden ascension still made her uncomfortable.
But given that she was "back on her ship" after escaping from Commorragh, being extremely happy about that state of affairs was only natural.
Alas, not every recent development was making her quite as happy. She could do without this one, she thought as she observed the unfolding events from her command throne.
"Enough, xenos. Justice will be done - one way or another." Heinrix's voice was dripping with venom. The Interrogator of the Ordo Xenos had never hidden his hostility toward the ship's resident Eldar. Oh, he'd been professional, as always, but now…
"Slither all you like, heretic spawn, but you will never leave this ship unscathed." Argenta, meanwhile… The Sister Of Battle had been less subtle in her hatred.
"What is going on here?" Bifrost said, knowing full well what the answer was going to be.
Argenta wasted no time answering. "For how long are you going to tolerate this filth on your ship, Bifrost? This foul traitor, who has already dragged you into the darkness once and who almost left your protectorate without its sovereign!"
Heinrix now turned his gaze toward her. "Rogue Trader… Has Aeldari heresy clouded your judgment? Treachery always means death - either for the traitor or the betrayed. You almost died in Commorragh. Your retinue… You know what became of them. Is it not high time justice was done?"
Ulfar, the Space Wolf who had escaped Commorragh with her, seemed to be enjoying the scene far more than her. "Now this is a fine spectacle - the inhuman gets what she deserves! Let us all watch and laugh!"
Yrliet, the actual target of their wrath, didn't say a word.
Abelard, ever the loyal Seneschal, was the next to speak. "You know, Lady Captain. I will support any order you give, but to keep the xenos in the retinue, especially after everything… after everything that has transpired because of her - it would not be wise."
Cassia, ever the elegant and aristocratic Navigator, spoke. "The enemies of Humanity have no place among humans. You know this." Despite her attempts at maintaining her usual composure, her body language betrayed some agitation. "But death is far too merciful a sentence. What I endured… was far more terrible."
Magos Pasqal's words were spoken in a misleading monotone: "The heinous behavior patterns of the xeno-entity and of specimens similar to her statistically leads to unfavorable and unpredictable outcomes." Which was Pasqal's way of screaming bloody murder, Bifrost knew all too well.
Of all the people present, only Idira was expressing any moderation, cautiously suggesting that Yrliet's punishment ought not be lethal. No surprise there - Idira alone had this much in common with Yrliet: They were people Imperial dogma did not suffer to exist. Granted, in Idira's case, her existence could be permitted as long as she submitted to the training of the Adeptus Telepathica back in the Sol system (impossible as that would now be, with the Koronus Expanse cut off from the Imperium); in Yrliet's case, on the other hand, the crime of existing was deemed utterly unforgivable.
It was, Bifrost reflected, an unusually polite and disciplined lynch mob. None of them had liked Yrliet's presence on the ship - keeping a xenos around was acceptable for a Rogue Trader, but still unwelcome. Would they have felt differently had the Eldar acted obsequiously, rather than openly displaying her contempt for the humans? …No, she realized, they would not have. She had seen how they'd reacted on the rare occasions that Yrliet had briefly lowered her guard and expressed honest thoughts and feelings - Ulfar had dismissed it as a xenos' manipulative attempt at appearing to have real feelings like a human. His had not even been the worst reaction.
At the end of the day, Yrliet was not being accused of being haughty, of looking down on humans, of acting against mankind's interest, or even of responsibility for what had happened on Commorragh - not truly. The true crime, as always, was to exist. Commorragh had merely brought tempers to the boiling point.
The Rogue Trader closed her eyes for a few seconds, gathering her thoughts. When she opened them, they were shining with determination.
"Now then," she spoke loud and clear for all to hear, "let us review the charges and the facts.
"A scant few years ago, Craftworld Crudarch was suddenly destroyed, very likely by agents of my predecessor, Theodora von Valencius. Yrliet Lanaevyss has been searching for her homeworld's few survivors ever since, with the poor results we have witnessed to date.
"A scant few months ago, Yrliet discovered that Achileas Scalander, an acolyte of Interrogator Heinrix, was secretly working for the Drukhari. Thinking she would not be trusted or believed, she chose to kill Scalander by herself and not speak of it to anyone.
"Following this loss of their informant within my domain and the Inquisition," she had to give Heinrix props for not flinching even a little, "the Drukhari took an alternate approach. Knowing how desperate Yrliet was to find survivors of her homeworld, or even information concerning its doom, they contacted her directly, offering to meet up and provide actionable intelligence. Yrliet foolishly took the bait, endangering not only herself, but everyone in my retinue who followed.
"The consequences, as we all know, were catastrophic. I, Yrliet, and everyone else who came to that meeting were captured and taken to Commorragh, where we were horrifically tortured." Yrliet's torture had been of a spiritual rather than physical nature, the Drukhari pushing her to become a monster like them… but Bifrost felt no need to reveal that tidbit. "Once I freed myself and linked up with Yrliet, she did what she could to atone - even offering her life to the Haemonculus in exchange for assisting us," not that Bifrost had allowed it to get that far, "but of course, this does not erase the harm done. No matter the effort and sacrifices she made to get us out of Commorragh, it does not erase that her foolish decisions were the reason we ended up there in the first place."
She surveyed the room. "So, now, in light of all that, you want me to punish her. With death, with torture, with whatever is appropriate."
She got up from her throne. "Sure! I can do that. I have my gun, I have my sword, I can kill her if that's what you want.
"However, please understand this much:
"I pride myself on fairness." Her eyes surveyed the room. "And if I apply such exacting standards, I will apply them without exception.
"Abelard," she addressed the elderly Seneschal, "you are a man of unimpeachable loyalty, and it would take more time than we have to list all that I and my domain owe you.
"But even if we put aside how you were just as loyal to my predecessor - a woman who made use of Chaos artifacts," and heretech, but Bifrost had no room to criticize her there - not when she had shot so many Drukari with Asuryani weapons, "I would also remind you that your reaction to the ship's manuals protesting their unfair treatment was to try to have them killed and beaten until achieving compliance, without even telling me. How many lives lost? How many children orphaned?
"Idira. You're a good friend," she told the unsanctioned psyker truthfully, "not to mention good to have on my side in a fight. I don't care that standard dogma says you need to either be shipped off to Sol or killed, all the more so since the Black Ships cannot even reach the Koronus Expanse nowadays.
"I do, however, care about the time you endangered the ship." With the audience they had, she preferred not to go into details - the spirit of the Warp that grief-stricken Idira had summoned in the guise of Theodora's ghost - but Idira knew exactly what she meant. "I forgave you, because I didn't believe it would happen again. If I start applying stricter standards now, then it would mean taking that forgiveness back.
"Jae," she addressed the charming cold trader. "You are always welcome here, on account of being who you are.
"And were I to start judging harshly, I ought to shoot you where you stand, on account of being who you are." Meaning a trader in forbidden xenotech, like everyone knew… but also having falsified her own identity, as far fewer people knew.
"Argenta. None here can deny your faith," for better or worse, "and more than that? You care. Not just about power and glory and strategic objectives, but about the survival and well-being of the meek and poor and helpless.
"You also have innocent blood on your hands." Argenta had confessed to her in Commorragh, and while the Sister Of Battle felt no guilt for the death of Theodora von Valencius, the death of her Archmilitant Mort did in fact weigh on her soul. "You've confessed one blameless victim to me. I would bet you my entire fortune that, were we to go over your career with a fine comb, we would find many more innocents who died because you shot first and questioned never. You care about the orphans, yet you leave many in your wake.
"Pasqal. You are absolutely brilliant where the bounty of the Omnissiah is concerned," and if Bifrost was approaching his level of technological mastery at a dangerous pace, she saw no need to advertise it, "and this ship would never have gotten as far as it has without you.
"You are also ruthless to a degree that, frankly, concerns me. I would be pleasantly surprised if there was anyone here whom you wouldn't kill without a second thought if you thought doing so could secure something valuable to the Adeptus Mechanicus, and you keep advocating for solutions and approaches that assign a near-nil value to human life.
"Heinrix. Whatever you may think, I am genuinely pleased to have you aboard. Not just because you're useful, but because you're a friend and I genuinely believe you mean well.
"You also habitually lie to us and keep secrets from us, which we are all supposed to meekly accept because it's done in the name of protecting humanity. Well. Your attempts at protecting humanity involved entrusting the surveillance of Drukhari activity to a man who was working for the Drukhari. I imagine your mistakes have landed far more humans in the torture chambers of Commorragh than Yrliet's. Furthermore, I have had in the past to stop you from taking actions that were cruel to the point of heresy, and I have to assume that you have taken comparable actions prior to our first meeting. Yet, here you are.
"Ulfar. Your presence aboard my drakkar is most welcome. You are a hero, hailing from an Astartes Chapter famed for its courage and ferocity.
"You also come from an Astartes Chapter notable for its hypocrisy," the Space Wolf might have thought he was being coy, but reading between the lines in their discussions was honestly not so difficult; she already had some idea of how the Lord Inquisitor was blackmailing his Chapter. "You call for Yrliet's death, when you owe her your life and freedom no less than you owe them to me.
"Cassia. You are a dear friend, and time spent with you rarely fails to put a smile on my face. Furthermore, few can be said to have done as much for my cause as you have.
"But one of the very first things you did after stepping inside my ship was request that the servants around you have their tongues cut off so their talking wouldn't annoy you. You wanted several dozens of innocent men and women to never again say hello to a neighbor, never again whisper words of affection to their spouses, never again tell their children they loved them, never again joke or laugh or sing, all to spare you a minor inconvenience. You say the enemies of Humanity have no place among us, but you never acknowledge that those without power and wealth are part of Humanity - to the majority of humans on this ship, you are no less alien, aloof, or unconcernedly dangerous than the worst among the Asuryani.
"And lest any of you think otherwise for a single solitary second," she raised her voice, "I am worse than all of you put together! When Rykad Minoris fell to the Cult Of The Final Dawn, I had one shot at mercy-killing the planet, and I didn't take it. I was so uncomfortable with the notion of killing a planet, even one that couldn't be saved, that I mono-focused on getting a small fraction of its population evacuated, and condemned the rest to a fate so much worse than death that no meaningful comparison can be made. I allowed a Daemon World to form within the Koronus Expanse - one through which the Ruinous Powers will launch nightmarish raids for centuries and millennia to come! How many billions of souls, lost because I chose my desire to save lives over the need to be cruel to be kind?"
She gestured dramatically at the entire crowd. "There are no good people on this ship, and frankly I doubt if we could find any in the entire galaxy! We live in a grim, dark reality that constantly forces us to make terrible choices, and no-one here, not a single person, has lived to this day without truly dark deeds soiling their hands!
"But we try."
She rotated her gaze from one end of the audience to the other. "I try to be a better person today than I was yesterday, and I will try tomorrow to be better than today. I try to speak for those who have no voice, to feed the hungry, to protect the victims, to free the slaves. I try to remember that everyone I deal with, not just me, is dealing with crushing circumstances. I try to give second chances to people whom I believe can do better.
"I have given Idira a second chance, and I have never had cause to regret it. I have given Argenta a second chance, and I was not the only one." Best not mention it in public, but Idira had been present for Argenta's confession, and none had had as much cause to want the Sororita dead for the killing of Theodora. "I have forgiven Heinrix for his trespasses and mistakes. I watch every day as Cassia grows into the great woman she's always had the potential to be. And I have watched Yrliet give blood and sweat and sacrifice to atone for her mistake in Commorragh.
"This is what it means to belong on my ship: To be someone who tries to do better today than yesterday. It's why I belong here. It's why every single one of you does.
"So if you want to throw all of that away - if you want to take the first shot at Yrliet - then go ahead, if you are so utterly confident that your deeds have not earned you the second shot."
She surveyed the room. "The matter is closed," she said in a tone of absolute finality, not wanting to wait for anyone to protest. "Yrliet will atone for her errors the same way everyone else here does - by keeping the ship running, by helping those in need, and by bringing death to pirates, Drukhari, and servants of the Archenemy. Everyone get back to work."
At the end of the day, hatred of all xenos was baked too deeply into the Imperium's culture for a pretty speech to turn things around, she knew. No matter how pretty her words were, she doubted any members of her retinue (save maybe Idira and Jae) would accept her reasoning - Yrliet was a xenos, and thus shouldn't be judged by the same standards as a human, as far as they were concerned. The fanatical Argenta might conceivably form bonds of friendship with the unsanctioned psyker Idira, but it would be a day of surrender on Cadia before she extended the same flicker of open-mindedness to the Asuryani Yrliet.
But then, Bifrost reflected tiredly, ultimately, her friends all being friends with each other was a luxury. As long as they tolerated each other's existence, she had what she truly needed.
It was only once she had some privacy once more that Yrliet Lanaevyss allowed her body to start shaking.
It wasn't coming this close to being lynched that had rattled her. From the moment she had joined the mon'keigh, she had known death at their barbaric hands was a likely outcome. The mon'keigh hated all that was different and much that was not with a genocidal intensity that would have made Khorne proud; they viewed all species but their own as deserving nothing but extermination. Working with them had always been a desperate gamble.
And then there was Bifrost von Valancius.
Bifrost, who had used diplomacy instead of violence and negotiated a truce between the Asuryani and the mon'keigh on Jannus.
Bifrost, who had welcomed her on her ship and treated her with respect and an open mind.
Bifrost, who kept taking opportunities to seize power and turning them instead into opportunities to help those less fortunate.
Bifrost, who had gone above and beyond to help her save her people, again and again and again.
Bifrost, who had spared the Sslyth in the pit simply because she could.
Bifrost, who had earned a Harlequin Solitaire's respect and rescued a Farseer from Commorragh's depths.
Bifrost, who had been her only ray of light within the Dark City.
Bifrost, who had forgiven her. Who had stood up to her fellow mon'keigh for her sake-
No. Not her fellow mon'keigh.
All those other people on the ship? Mon'keigh.
All her twisted, monstrous cousins in the Dark City? Drukhari.
Yrliet herself and all her fellows? Asuryani.
And Bifrost was none of those.
Bifrost was Bifrost.
Bifrost was something Yrliet had never encountered before, never even realized could exist before in such a galaxy: Bifrost was someone who wasn't defined by what she was, but by who she was. Her thoughts, her words, and her deeds all existed outside the cage humanity had erected for itself - they were hers.
And so, she wondered. When her Path was completed… Would Yrliet be an Asuryani?
Or would she be… Yrliet?