Remove ads

Voldemort!Quest: You are the Dark Lord (Crack Edition)

EternalLurker said:
Fine, no funny stuff. Don't count that vote if it conflicts with the Genre ok? I'll think of some other way to get SCYTHER back.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

I don't mind funny stuff (this is a Crack story after all.) I just want people to keep it in genre.

If it makes it easier, Ask yourself "Would this be somewhat reasonable in the world of Harry Potter?"

Suddenly making it Pokemon, not really.

Suddenly turning it into Warhammer 40k, Also no. (Slightly closer though, from what I understand, WH40k is EXTREMELY British. Lore-wise anyways.)
 
Prim the Amazing said:
Imagine Voldemort kissing Harry goodbye on the cheek as he gets ready to board the Hogwart Express when fall comes.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

Voldemort must be wearing ALL-PINK fabulous and Glittering as he does that.
And wave a pink handkerchief before turning to the closest mother next to him and say in a happy tone 'Oh my! They grow up so fast, don't they?! It's so sad when you have to watch them go!'

Cue lady paling.

'But my poor dear, I hope they don't bully him at school! I taught him just a few spells off the Trace, just to be sure, you know,' Voldemort continues. 'Avada Kedavra, Crucio and Imperio. Just the fundamental three any child needs to know to properly protect himself against big bad bullies.'
 
[X] ...Where did I put that Cognac again?
-[X] It has been too long since you could just sit back and relax, but duty calls! ...A few shots won't hurt anyone though, right?
-[X] Unsafe Practices at Hogwarts?! This will not stand! This is simply the last in a long list of past failures of Hogwarts, and it's high time you didsomething about it.
-[X] You could try to personally correct whatever is wrong, but you're not a Transfiguration Mistress for nothing! Arise, minions, and start patrolling! Prefects? Pfeh. Who needs prefects when you can make your own army of perfectly controlled (if slightly less intelligent) subordinates anytime the fancy strikes you?
-[X] Mmm. Dark Lady Minerva. There's something to that name that appeals to you...
 
shadenight123 said:
Voldemort must be wearing ALL-PINK fabulous and Glittering as he does that.
And wave a pink handkerchief before turning to the closest mother next to him and say in a happy tone 'Oh my! They grow up so fast, don't they?! It's so sad when you have to watch them go!'

Cue lady paling.

'But my poor dear, I hope they don't bully him at school! I taught him just a few spells off the Trace, just to be sure, you know,' Voldemort continues. 'Avada Kedavra, Crucio and Imperio. Just the fundamental three any child needs to know to properly protect himself against big bad bullies.'
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

Remember this is Post-GoF, Harry's like, 15-16.
 
Oh I am slain! said:
...That's horrifying.

I was about to Google an image for that, but immediately realized that any pictures might be seared into my brain for the rest of the day.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

shadenight123 said:
Voldemort must be wearing ALL-PINK fabulous and Glittering as he does that.
And wave a pink handkerchief before turning to the closest mother next to him and say in a happy tone 'Oh my! They grow up so fast, don't they?! It's so sad when you have to watch them go!'

Cue lady paling.

'But my poor dear, I hope they don't bully him at school! I taught him just a few spells off the Trace, just to be sure, you know,' Voldemort continues. 'Avada Kedavra, Crucio and Imperio. Just the fundamental three any child needs to know to properly protect himself against big bad bullies.'
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

Sounds like some people need to work on some fanart then. :V
 
[X] ...Where did I put that Cognac again?
-[X] It has been too long since you could just sit back and relax, but duty calls! ...A few shots won't hurt anyone though, right?
-[X] Unsafe Practices at Hogwarts?! This will not stand! This is simply the last in a long list of past failures of Hogwarts, and it's high time you didsomething about it.
-[X] You could try to personally correct whatever is wrong, but you're not a Transfiguration Mistress for nothing! Arise, minions, and start patrolling! Prefects? Pfeh. Who needs prefects when you can make your own army of perfectly controlled (if slightly less intelligent) subordinates anytime the fancy strikes you?
-[X] Mmm. Dark Lady Minerva. There's something to that name that appeals to you...
 
[X] ...Where did I put that Cognac again?
-[X] It has been too long since you could just sit back and relax, but duty calls! ...A few shots won't hurt anyone though, right?
-[X] Unsafe Practices at Hogwarts?! This will not stand! This is simply the last in a long list of past failures of Hogwarts, and it's high time you did something about it.
-[X] You could try to personally correct whatever is wrong, but you're not a Transfiguration Mistress for nothing! Arise, minions, and start patrolling! Prefects? Pfeh. Who needs prefects when you can make your own army of perfectly controlled (if slightly less intelligent) subordinates anytime the fancy strikes you?
-[X] Mmm. Dark Lady Minerva. There's something to that name that appeals to you...
 
[x] Ah my chance to seize control of Hogwarts. Today Hogwarts, tomorrow the ministry, and from there who knows.
[x] Go to Snape, make sure he knows who's boss. He and dumbledore might of been co-conspirators but i'm deputy headmistress
[X] Unsafe Practices at Hogwarts?! This will not stand! This is simply the last in a long list of past failures of Hogwarts, and it's high time you did something about it.
-[x] Tranfigure eyes all over the castle, if a rule is violated it alerts me, then i command the wall to apprehend the student.
-[x] Make an announcement about the new "no breaking the rules or else policy" so that no students fight the wall soldiers.
 
[X] ...Where did I put that Cognac again?
-[X] It has been too long since you could just sit back and relax, but duty calls! ...A few shots won't hurt anyone though, right?
-[X] Unsafe Practices at Hogwarts?! This will not stand! This is simply the last in a long list of past failures of Hogwarts, and it's high time you didsomething about it.
-[X] You could try to personally correct whatever is wrong, but you're not a Transfiguration Mistress for nothing! Arise, minions, and start patrolling! Prefects? Pfeh. Who needs prefects when you can make your own army of perfectly controlled (if slightly less intelligent) subordinates anytime the fancy strikes you?
-[X] Mmm. Dark Lady Minerva. There's something to that name that appeals to you...
[X] Finish off the bottle
[X] Realize you've figured out the secret to immortality, attempt to transfigure yourself younger.
 
Vote tally:
##### 3.18
[X] Go Looking for the other Heads of House. Everyone must know of this travesty!
-[X] Snape first. If you're going to suffer, Snape must suffer as well.
No. of votes: 1
Oh I am slain!

[X] ...Where did I put that Cognac again?
-[X] It has been too long since you could just sit back and relax, but duty calls! ...A few shots won't hurt anyone though, right?
-[X] Unsafe Practices at Hogwarts?! This will not stand! This is simply the last in a long list of past failures of Hogwarts, and it's high time you did something about it.
-[X] You could try to personally correct whatever is wrong, but you're not a Transfiguration Mistress for nothing! Arise, minions, and start patrolling! Prefects? Pfeh. Who needs prefects when you can make your own army of perfectly controlled (if slightly less intelligent) subordinates anytime the fancy strikes you?
-[X] Mmm. Dark Lady Minerva. There's something to that name that appeals to you...
No. of votes: 7
Unelemental, Prim the Amazing, Enjou, modrony, Nianque, Levhitor, snake

[X] Go and find some hooligans! Unsafe Practices in Hogwarts?! You'll skin some backsides!
No. of votes: 1
Olivebirdy

[X] Transfigure yourself younger.
No. of votes: 1
aja318

[x] Ah my chance to seize control of Hogwarts. Today Hogwarts, tomorrow the ministry, and from there who knows.
[x] Go to Snape, make sure he knows who's boss. He and dumbledore might of been co-conspirators but i'm deputy headmistress
[X] Unsafe Practices at Hogwarts?! This will not stand! This is simply the last in a long list of past failures of Hogwarts, and it's high time you did something about it.
-[x] Tranfigure eyes all over the castle, if a rule is violated it alerts me, then i command the wall to apprehend the student.
-[x] Make an announcement about the new no breaking the rules or else policy so that no students fight the wall soldiers.
No. of votes: 1
kulosle

[X] ...Where did I put that Cognac again?
-[X] It has been too long since you could just sit back and relax, but duty calls! ...A few shots won't hurt anyone though, right?
-[X] Unsafe Practices at Hogwarts?! This will not stand! This is simply the last in a long list of past failures of Hogwarts, and it's high time you didsomething about it.
-[X] You could try to personally correct whatever is wrong, but you're not a Transfiguration Mistress for nothing! Arise, minions, and start patrolling! Prefects? Pfeh. Who needs prefects when you can make your own army of perfectly controlled (if slightly less intelligent) subordinates anytime the fancy strikes you?
-[X] Mmm. Dark Lady Minerva. There's something to that name that appeals to you...
[X] Finish off the bottle
[X] Realize you've figured out the secret to immortality, attempt to transfigure yourself younger.
No. of votes: 1
Ridiculously Average Guy
 
[X] ...Where did I put that Cognac again?
-[X] It has been too long since you could just sit back and relax, but duty calls! ...A few shots won't hurt anyone though, right?
-[X] Unsafe Practices at Hogwarts?! This will not stand! This is simply the last in a long list of past failures of Hogwarts, and it's high time you did something about it.
-[X] You could try to personally correct whatever is wrong, but you're not a Transfiguration Mistress for nothing! Arise, minions, and start patrolling! Prefects? Pfeh. Who needs prefects when you can make your own army of perfectly controlled (if slightly less intelligent) subordinates anytime the fancy strikes you?
-[X] Mmm. Dark Lady Minerva. There's something to that name that appeals to you...

You are now The Story Author.

'...Didn't we just leave this scene?' The author asks, puzzled, as they watch Minerva McGonagall down half a bottle of Cognac, Transfigure most of her furniture into various animal equivalents (that still look like furniture), put on a black robe, and now she's calling herself the Dark Mistress of Hogwarts while storming the nearby woods with her newly animated furniture army.

Hrm. No. Next scene.

Dumbledore!

No...

Ron?

No.

Hrm...

You are now Xenophilius Lovegood.

You've been told by your daughter that you received a short letter from one "Pink Lord Voldemort" in which it's text claimed "Damn you Lovegood! You figured it out!" but then she reassured you that she had checked in on the rumor and said that she was mostly sure there weren't any Knearwickers imprisoned in the da...ahem, Pink Lord's...basement(s).

'Ah ha!' You had told her. 'That's because Knearwickers only survive imprisonment when stored in old attics!' you explained. She immediately tapped her forehead in a motion of stunned realization. (That or the Wibblers got to her again. How fresh ARE her radish earrings, you wonder... Probably time to be replacing them.)

"Come, Luna dear. We're going shopping!"

"Alright, Daddy!"

Now, where to first?
[ ] Lair of the Snatchemgrubs (Supermarket)
[ ] Cave of Deep thought and Despair (Work Offices)
[ ] Gringotts (Gringotts)
[ ] Cantherferous Ruminitory (Diagon Alley)
[ ] Write in
 

Now, where to first?
[ ] Lair of the Snatchemgrubs (Supermarket)
[ ] Cave of Deep thought and Despair (Work Offices)
[ ] Gringotts (Gringotts)
[ ] Cantherferous Ruminitory (Diagon Alley)
[ ] Write in

Hora
 
[X] To Diagon Alley of course! You need new radishes STAT! And afterwards, you may find something interesting...

Wait, so did Minerva still do all of that crazy stuff? Also, we changed characters quick, didn't we. Are you going to have to change the title? Minerva, the boss of the Dark Forest... I like it.
 
You must login or register to reply here.
Remove ads
Back
Top