Cauldron Spoop Snip Exchange 2023, prompt: Gimel's Stonehenge is only half-built
The Sun is bright on the horizon, a thing of art and beauty, God's fingers and angels' wings and stained glass at a church window, and the light colors the sky, and this morning is a gold morning.
You get up, and you set to work.
There is much to do — breakfast to make, chickens to feed, houses to build, logistics to figure out. The stuttering engine of the car to fix. You only have one working vehicle for all of you here, and the nearest settlement is two days walk away. If it breaks, you'll be on your own. There aren't many people in Wiltshire, nowadays. Not all that many people at all.
(You don't know the numbers, exactly. The ratio, the this-is-how-many-died and this-is-how-many-didn't, and it feels wrong to even consider it. Blasphemous, even, to reduce it all to cold arithmetics, the end of the world and the crowd of refugees and the red of blood on a broken window. You don't want to know.
You don't)
You like the quiet.
---
Gimel's Stonehenge is only half-built.
You never saw the Stonehenge of Bet, never went to that England, never even left Nevada before the closest thing you ever saw to a God judged your kind and found it wanting. You meant to. Your ten years anniversary, with Jennifer — it was her dream. You loved her. Everything seemed so simple. Everything made so much sense.
The Stonehenge on Bet isn't whole either, stones felled by wind and rain and the inexorable march of time, and you wonder if the missing stones would feel as the ones here do, as fangs pulled from a maw or gaps between a prison's bars, just wide enough to slip through. It is a silly feeling. There is no one here, nothing, just you. Just Simon, and Katrine, and Torsten, and old Monique. Just a couple dozen people or so.
Five thousand years ago, if you remember right. Five thousand years ago, Stonehenge was built. Five thousand years ago, there were people here, and then there weren't.
You wonder what the end of the world looked like for them.
---
"Anne is leaving," Torsten says over dinner one night, and it takes you some time to place the name, to make it fit with the face of a woman with blue eyes and bitten-off nails. Long enough to chew, and swallow, and then again, and again, and again.
"Katrine got news from that settlement in Spain," Torsten continues. "The one that started
before. They're going to send one of their capes in a few days, to check on us, maybe give us a hand with some things. She'll ask to go with him when he leaves."
There is a hint of disdain in his voice when he says the word
cape, a note of anger, and you think of light staining your hands, bleeding white-gold from your fingers, and you think of a car turned red-hot where metal meets glass, and you think of gods and puppets and a choir of false angels.
"Did she say why?" you ask.
"She said the place feels wrong," Torsten says.
---
You do not sleep well at night. You lie down in your sleeping bag, arms crossed under your head, and you look up at nothingness and listen to the rain hitting the fabric of your tent. You loved that sound, before, its soft notes against the windows, a mug of hot chocolate in your hand and the light of the living room lamps tinting Jennifer's hair with a warm halo of gold. There is no warmth to this rain, no sweetness, no music. Just cold aching like a missing limb, like the empty space where there used to be a world.
How strange it is, that after everything, the Sun keeps on rising.
Sleep, when it comes, feels like drowning. Like sinking in a deep dark sea, lungs filling with slick black tar, down and down and down and knowing all the while there is something at the bottom. Waiting.
You wake up and you think of oil spills.
You wake up, and the sky is gold, and you get up and set to work.
---
Anne isn't wrong. Neither is the Spanish cape who comes and takes her away, with his unease and comments. Neither was Matthew, whom you met at the portal who came here with you and then changed his mind and left to build his new life somewhere else. That's the thing, isn't it?
There
is something wrong with this place.
No one talks about it. Everybody
knows, Simon who doesn't talk and old Monique with her weak lungs and Katrine whose hands never stop shaking. Torsten who pretends he doesn't. Everybody knows, and everybody acts as though nothing was wrong, because what does it matter? Nothing is right on Gimel. Nothing is the same. Nothing is home in the ways that matters. It was a strange thing to learn, that you can grieve for a place just as much as you grieve for people.
You are all refugees now.
---
There's something wrong with this place. With the unfinished Stonehenge. With the dark oil you find sometimes, seeping out from between rocks. With the ground under your feet.
There's something wrong with you.
You used to like the Sun, and the color gold, and the way sometimes the shape of the clouds would outline beams of light, like an upside-down crown, or God's fingers reaching for the earth. Like something ephemeral and grandiose and sacred, and maybe you do like the rain, even if it makes you feel lonely. The sunrise and the light just remind you of Scion.
"I used to dream of meeting him, as a kid," Katrine says over dinner. "Who didn't? He was the greatest hero of them all, and one day he'd come to my town and I'd help him with something. He'd be so impressed he'd take me to be his sidekick and I'd be
special so he'd talk to me and we'd save kittens from trees all around the world together. Even when I grew up, I kept wanting it, a bit. I used to volunteer at an animal shelter you know? And in a way, he's why. I started because I wanted to be like him, in any way I could."
"When I was a kid," Torsten says, "whenever I was scared, I used to, just. You know. Imagine he'd come for me. Help me. Save me, and no one and nothing in the world could stop him. I'd look at the window and dream up that he'd break through it, golden and handsome and strong, and that everything would be okay."
When you were a kid, you don't say, there was a fire in your house, and you still remember it so very vividly, the golden flickering of the flames and the taste of the tar-like smoke, And the vivid, rabid terror of a child too young to understand death and yet who knows they will die. When you were a kid, you don't say, you curled up in a corner of your bedroom to wait for the end, and you couldn't stop crying. When you were a kid, you don't say, he saved your life.
"I did meet him," you say. "Twice."
You don't say that on the day the world ended, he set your neighborhood aflame, dropped rays of sun on houses and cars until only you were left alive. You don't say that you saw it, the red-white-hot of the car and the cracks on the window and the screaming of Jennifer, her face pressed against the glass.
You don't say that you stood there, in the middle of the street, and when you look at him he met your gaze.
You don't say that when he left, the light was coming from your hands.
---
You put the last tile on the roof of the first building of the settlement.
It doesn't mean it's over. It's just the one building. The inside isn't even done yet. There's still much to do. There's still so, so much to do. An entire world to rebuild, and if you let yourself think about the scope of it all you can feel is vertigo, standing at the top of a cliff and looking at the sea, edged with silver and gold where the Sun touches the waves, and no land in sight as far as the eye can see. Standing at the top of a cliff knowing you have to jump, walking the tightrope with no net or harness.
What happens, if you fail? What does it mean, for everyone left behind?
What does it mean, if no one
is left behind?
It took you three days, when everything ended, to get to the portal that led to Gimel. Two days wait with the panicked crowds to get through. A day to get a tent, and a piece of ground, and enough time to ask yourself what you were going to do now. Another day before you dug from your bag for a water bottle, the bag you took when you left your home, and at the bottom of it you found two plane tickets for Southampton. You remember buying them. You remember the plans, and the smile on Jennifer's face.
There are no planes on Gimel, no airport, no Southampton. The bag is long gone. You couldn't get the blood and soot out of the fabric.
You keep the tickets in your tent, and you never look at them.
You sit at the edge of the roof and you look at the world under.
You put the last tile on the roof of the first building of the settlement and it is not an ending. It is not an ending. It is not an ending.
You put the last tile on the roof of the first building of the settlement.
---
You wake up in the morning and the Sun is a golden jewel set upon the horizon, a thing of art and beauty, of churches and poems. You wake up in the morning and old Monique is dead.
She looks so very small, lying in her tent, her lips blue and her mouth full of oil and tar. She looks so very frail.
She doesn't look peaceful.
"She had weak lungs," Torsten says.
You say nothing.
You bury old Monique under the tumulus and three people leave for the closest settlement, and no one talks about it.
There is a house standing in the settlement now, and the world already ended once, and no one wants to start over again.
---
It didn't have to end like this.
The dark seeps up between stones and grass and it seeps in like sleep and exhaustion and it spreads like the rainbows of spilled gasoline, bitter and beautiful and terrible, and you feel it in your lungs, like grief, like drowning, like smoke. The thing under the hill, the great black lake, the not-god, the absence of sun, and
it didn't have to end like this.
The world didn't have to end.
It would be different if it had been some natural disaster, some meteor or supervolcano or terrible earthquake. If it had been some mindless force of doom, as inexorable as the crumbling of mountains. It wasn't. It was Scion.
He didn't have to do it. He spent years being a hero, didn't he? Saving kittens in trees and children in burning houses. It wasn't mindless, or inexorable. He didn't have to do it.
The world didn't have to end.
There's Stonehenge, up the hill, Stonehenge half built and half fallen, and it reminds you of great stones hands, fingers cut off to break their grip. Stonehenge can't hold anything down. Stonehenge can't keep the dark under.
One false god above, one below.
The people who once lived there left. The people who once lived there died. It didn't have to end like this.
There's a house standing down the hill, and there's a house being built, and there are no planes for your tickets and nowhere to go back to and you're not going to do it again. You're not going to lose the world again.
Old Monique is dead but you are not, and all the wrongness in the world isn't going to make you go.
After all, gasoline
burns.
You'd forgotten what it feels like to be angry.