Undead Master and the Goblin Slayers (Goblin Slayer/Zombieland Saga)

[sasahara17]

Cross-posted from SB to celebrate my return to the site. Finally!

Dedicated to everyone who was traumatized by Goblin Slayer's first episode by Crunchyroll's mistake, here is my attempt to inject some levity into the situation. Using Zombies. Enjoy.

Also, not proofread as of right now, so expect it to be rather rough around the edges.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

"I want to be an Adventurer~!"

Although the rest of her memories of her ill-fated adventure were still hazy, Priestess remembered that was the last thought that went through her fading consciousness as her vision darkened and she suffocated on her own blood. The arrow that had pierced the back of Priestess' throat in her muddled attempt to escape with the mortally wounded Wizard had sealed her fate with the rest of her party. All she could remember of her last moments, slumped on the floor as she suffocated on her own blood in the darkness of that Goblin infested cave, was her despair, her fear… and her one wish that would seemingly never be fulfilled.

That was before Priestess woke up ten hours ago in this re-purposed barn under the watchful eye of the most intimidating man she had ever met.

Clad in grimy full plate armor from head to toe while armed to the teeth in a variety of dangerous weapons, she would never have guessed the man would have been a spellcaster, let alone a fabled necromancer. In fact, thanks in part to his face concealing helmet, Priestess hadn't even sure he had been human at first!

Yet he was, and he was the reason Priestess was still among the living.

As a Zombie, that is.

"You are now a Zombie," The masked necromancer known only as Undead Master declared.

"A-a-a Zombie?" Priestess gulped.

"Two weeks ago, my party I set out to clean out a Goblin invested cave. The same one you and your companions, set out to clear. Unfortunately as evidenced by your current undead state, we arrived too late to save your life, "

"O-Oh. Th-That's too b-bad." Priestess bit her lip nervously, thankful the arrow had miraculously missed her vocal cords. Or perhaps the arrow had hit her vocal cords, and Undead Master fixed them? There was so much Priestess did not know.

When she had awoken in this strange barn, her death still seeming like it happened moments ago from her perspective, Priestess hadn't taken long to notice her changed state. Her one pale, smooth skin had turned a green and sickly color. Her neck was bandaged, and all her joints slightly stiff from what was apparently rigor mortis. Priestess could not deny the fact she had become an unholy undead creature, and it had taken her the better part of ten hours to calm down after that revelation. Even now, talking to the man apparently responsible for her new state in hopes of getting answers, Priestess could feel the fear and panic just bubbling beneath the surface.

She was having one heck of a day.

"We recovered your body shortly after your death. Because I was able to recover your corpse almost completely intact so quickly after your demise, I decided to turn you into a zombie servant. Do you understand?" Undead Master said.

"N-Not really," Priestess stammered out from where she was seated on a stool, "I-I mean, I can't be a zombie. I just can't!"

"Why not?" Undead Master asked, tilting his head as if perplexed she would even ask such a thing.

"I-I mean, there are many reasons why I can't be a Zombie," Priestess explained carefully, "Aren't Zombies mindless creatures whose sole drive to the taste of human flesh?"

"That is a false stereotype that exists only because most necromancers do not bother imbuing their Zombies with souls," Undead Master stated bluntly, "Most necromancers believe Zombies are useful as nothing more than slaves. They do not take the steps needed to imbue the corpse with the soul of the deceased. Too much free will is problematic for a necromancer who only wants a servant."

"I… I see. I guess I should be thankful for that at least," Priestess gulped at the thought of someone animating her corpse and using her as nothing more as a mindless puppet, "B-But the Earth Mother… I'm a worshipper of the Earth Mother! The divine protection she laid upon me would…"

"That was not a problem," Undead Master informed her curtly, "Part of the ritual to restore your intelligence involved making a plea to her for assistance to bind your soul to your corpse."

What.

"A cleric who worshipped one of the gods could only become a Zombie if their deity permitted it. I made my case to the Earth Mother, and she was most understanding," Undead Master nodded with satisfaction, "I was having trouble trying to find a recently deceased Cleric who I could revive to fill out my party. It was good fortune that I came across you."

Priestess felt like the floor had dropped out from under her.

"T-The Earth Mother… p-permitted this?" Priestess whimpered, wondering how the all loving deity she had believed in all her life could have allowed her to become an undead abomination.

"She did." Undead Master replied curtly.

"W-Why?!" Priestess demanded, tears beginning to form at the corners of her eyes. Fifteen years of her life, everything she had ever known, gone in an instant. How could Priestess feel anything but betrayal at that.

"Because you wanted to be an Adventurer."

Priestess gave a soft gasp as she heard those fateful words. The very words that had set her on this path, and the very last thing she had thought before her demise. Could this mean the Earth Mother had indeed heard her pleas in her darkest hour?

"The Earth Mother saw your death, and knew it was not what you deserved," Undead Master explained evenly, "Although she is normally averse to the dark arts, your death was so undeserved that even she couldn't help but consider my plea. As such, when I approached her for permission, she made me a deal: She would allow me to turn you into a Zombie to fill out my party…"

"…and that you would help me become an Adventurer?" Priestess surmised, a tidal wave of conflicting emotions overcoming her as she realized just what the Earth Mother had done on her behalf. No matter how much Priestess hated her new 'condition', Priestess felt blessed that the Earth Mother had not abandoned her in her time of need.

Granted Priestess wasn't sure what this meant for the core tenants of a religion built around life, mercy and the sanctity of nature, but her Goddess hadn't abandoned her!

"The situation is more complicated than that, but essentially yes," Undead Master nodded in affirmation, "In exchange for your revival, my party members and I are to train you to be her first undead Priestess. You will be an Adventurer."

"I… I thank you, Undead Master, sir!" Priestess said, using a hand to wipe the tears from her eyes before being struck with a sudden thought.
Priestess was okay, for a given definition of the term, but the young Adventurers she was with…

"My party! What happened to my party?" Priestess demanded fearfully.

"As to the rest of your original party, I am pleased to report that I used my dark arts to purge the poison from Wizard's body. She is currently recuperating in the Temple of the Supreme God," Undead Master supplied, "Unfortunately, while Fighter was rescued, she was traumatized by her experiences. I know not where she went after my party rescued her. Warrior, unfortunately, was beyond even my abilities to assist."

"Oh." Priestess lowered her head sadly as she digested the news. Although she had known things were bad, to actually hear of the fate of her former party was a saddening one. At least Wizard and Fighter were alive, right?

"That is an unfortunate fate of Adventurers. One that my party will teach you how to avoid," Undead Master stated, "Now, as to what our party does…"

"YO! UNDEAD MASTER! IS THE NEW GIRL AWAKE YET!?"

Whatever Undead Master had been about to say was suddenly interrupted when the barn door was abruptly kicked open, allowing three new figures enter the barn. Three new figures that, at one glace, caused Priestess' jaw to drop and her mind to screech to an abrupt halt.

"Banshee Elf Archer, could you stop being so loud? Do remember it is currently after midnight and Cow Girl and her Uncle are sleeping," The skeletal lizardman, who was nothing but an animated skeleton under his voluminous robes, admonished his female colleague as the trio leisurely walked into the barn, "Unlike us, the living require sleep."

"Oh, come on Skeleton Lizardman!" Banshee Elf Archer whined, her snow-white hair, blue skin and glowing red eyes a testament to her undead nature, "It isn't often that we get a new party member. Isn't that amazing? We ought to celebrate!"

"I'm not normally one to agree with pointy ears here, but I have to agree," Agreed the third member of the cohort; a stout set of animated dwarven armor, that Priestess would eventually learn contained the soul of a Dwarven Shaman, "A new member that not only is a cleric, but one who still maintains the blessings of her patron saint? I never thought our party would get so lucky!"

Zombie Priestess turned to Undead Master with wide eyes and an open mouth.

"This is our party." Undead Master said as a manner of flatly. "They were all Adventurers of some renown in their life, who unfortunately met their ends six months ago."

"Yeah, that was messy." Banshee Elf Archer sniggered as she pointed to the animated armor by her side, "We went up against an Ogre, and it smashed 'ol shorty here flat! Undead Master had to stick his soul in a suit of armor because all that was left was strawberry jam!"

"Well, that's better than what happened to you, anvil chest!" Hollow Dwarf shot back, "He smacked you right in the torso and flattened out your non-existent chest!"

"Why you…!"

"Please, do not fight in front of our new friend." Skeleton Lizardman sighed, folding his arms and giving his two comrades a stern glare, "She has only just awoken, and talking of such things in front her would be most inconsiderate. Do you remember how unsettled we were when we first awoke?"

Undead Elf and Undead Dwarf stared at each other for a moment longer, their eyes periodically shooting to over where Zombie Priestess was sitting guiltily, before relenting.

"…Sorry." They said as one and then separated.

"Thank you, Skeleton Lizard," Undead Master said gratefully to the tall skeleton, "I will ask Undead Big Sister cooks you some cheese later in the morning."

"Oh! That would be fantastic! Her cheese is amazing!" Skeleton Lizardman somehow beamed happily despite not having any facial muscles (or a face for that matter), "Sweet nectar, how even in my undeath I long for thee…!"

"Skeleton Lizardman, you really love Undead Big Sister's cheese don't you? If you love it so much, you should marry her so you can have it all the time!" Banshee Elf Archer sniggered.

Zombie Priestess could only gape at her new adventuring party in sheer astonishment.

"As I was saying, this is our party," Undead Master surmised now that the situation had once again calmed down, "Aside from myself, the necromancer, the rest of our members are all undead. Yourself included."

"I…Is this really okay?" Zombie Priestess wondered, once again apprehensive now that she had seen exactly who she would have been adventuring with.

One practitioner of the forbidden dark arts, a banshee elven archer, a haunted dwarven armor, and a lizardman skeleton that apparently, could somehow eat cheese despite not having a tongue.

What had the Earth Mother managed to get Zombie Priestess into?

"We are all certified members of the Guild, and aside from you, all carry the rank of Silver" Undead Master declared truthfully, "There is no problem with this party."

"There had better be no problem with this party, Undead Master! We're standing right here, you know? Honestly, of all the insensitive things to say." Banshee Elf Archer huffed and crossed her arms over her flat chest. "

"I was speaking the truth," Undead Master stated honestly, "It took me ten thousand Gold Pieces on average to make each of you an Undead Adventurer, not including the cost of acquiring a suitable corpse, you are all important investments to me. I took great care in making sure that each candidate was worth the expense of revival before proceeding with the rituals."

Zombie Priestess choked as she heard the incredible number Undead Master had just so casually dropped in front of her. How much had he spent to bring her back from the dead again? How could Undead Master have just dropped that kind of money on her, a Porcelain rank?

"Undead Master… that isn't what I… Orcbolg, you're an idiot," Banshee Elf Archer sighed before dropping her face into her hand and groaning while her two Silver Ranked Undead compatriots looked on at the exchange in bemusement.

"As I said, there is no problem with this party. As for what we normally do…"

Undead Master's eye lit up from under his helmet, eerily glowing red in the darkness.

"…we hunt Goblins."

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Undead Master and the Goblin Slayers in…

"Is it really okay to be an Undead Adventurer who hunts Goblins?"

Starring…

Goblin Slayer as Undead Master
Priestess as Zombie Priestess
High Elf Archer as Banshee Elf Archer
Dwarf Shaman as Hollow Dwarf
Lizardman Priest as Skeleton Lizardman

…And…

Big Sister as Undead Big Sister

A not for profit fanfiction by Sasahara17 based on the dark fantasy adventure series Goblin Slayer by Kumo Kagyu, and inspired by the hit idol group Franchouchou of Saga Prefecture, who were produced and re-animated by Kotaro Tatsumi, Cygames and Syudio Mappa.

Please support the official releases!

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It was a fine day in the Frontier Town.

The sky clear, and blue as ever as the sun beamed down, uncontested in the cloudless sky. The weather was perfect without a chance of rain, and the temperature comfortable as it could be this spring morning. The bustling town was lively as its' many denizens went about their daily routines with smiles on their faces, secure in the knowledge that this day would be a good one.

There was, however, one place in the town where there the good cheer was not shared.

That place happened to the Adventurer's Guild.

"Z-Z-Zombies! Zombies are here! A young warrior yelped in terror as he dove behind an upturned table. "I just lost my sword to a bunch of rats, I can't fight the Undead!"

"Oh, Supreme God protect us! A practitioner of the dark arts! A necromancer and his personal guard of elite Zombies are invading!" Another porcelain adventurer screamed as she joined her fighter comrade behind his makeshift barricade.

"Zombies?" A merchant at the front counter making a job request turned his head to the commotion, and promptly paled at the sight of what was before him, "By the Gods! A bunch of Zombies are here! Everybody run!"

The merchant, and half the line of would be quest givers behind him, promptly charged out of the side entrance of the Guild, screaming all the while. The remaining half, repeat 'customers' of this particular Guild branch who were actually aware of who the recent arrivals were, could only shake their heads in exasperation at what had just transpired.

"Damn it, Goblin Slayers! I thought I told you all to put some makeup on whenever you come in here! Now you went and scared away all the customers!" Spearman shouted irately from where he and Sorceress were lounging near the job board. Indeed, rather than running scared like the greenhorns or the civilians, the experienced Adventurers who where long used to having the posse of undead adventurers and their necromancer where giving the recent arrivals the stink eye.

Who could blame them? After all, the Goblin Slayers had just caused money to run out the door.

"Ah, sorry, sorry!" Banshee Elf Archer laughed apologetically as she, Skeleton Lizardman and Hollow Dwarf walked over to mollify the irate Adventurers, "We're in a bit of a hurry today because we're introducing the new girl so we didn't have time to put out disguises on."

"Do you have any idea how much business you people are costing the guild just by walking through the door?" Lady Knight huffed as she approached the commotion, crossed her arms over her chest showing her extreme displeasure with the situation.

"Well in our defense, our spotless quest completion record and the public endorsement from Sword Maiden has given this Guild a better reputation than most other guilds," Hollow Dwarf said, his arm moving to stroke his non-existent beard out of sheer habit, "If we bring in more work than we drive out, it is still a net benefit for everyone here, right?"

"That is not the point," Lady Knight shot back, "If you lot can't be bothered to put on makeup, let Undead Master do the talking and stay outside, damn it!"

"Wait, Lady Knight, are you serious? You want Undead Master to be their spokesperson?" Spearman raised an eyebrow incredulously at Lady Knight's declaration. "He may be the only living member in their party, but he's the biggest freaking wierdo in the entire frontier!"

"Milord Undead Master's obsession with Goblin Slaying to the detriment of everything save his mastery of the dark arts does make him ill-suited to be our spokesperson," Skeleton Lizardman agreed sagely, "Indeed, our undead nature and his lack of social grace has proved to be a frequent problem we continue to face in our adventures. This isn't the first time we have scared clients off."

"Then let it stay your problem! Don't scare OUR clients off, inconsiderate idiot Skeleton!" Rhea Scout snarled. "Did you lose your mind when you lose your brain or what?"

"Don't call Skeleton Lizardman an idiot Skeleton, idiot Rhea!" Banshee Elf Archer shot back angrily on her party member's behalf, "Maybe he doesn't have any brains now, at least he had brains to begin with… unlike you little turd!"

While the other three members of the Goblin Slayers were busy dealing with their fellow Adventurers for driving off the customers, Undead Master and the latest addition to their party had proceeded right to the front counter. Zombie Priestess's sickly green face had flushed to a dull red out of embarrassment from the situation her party had caused, and it was all she could do to follow her 'mentor' and hope this business would conclude soon so that she could move on with her life.

Or un-life.

She was still getting used to that.

"Good morning, Guild Girl." Undead Master greeted evenly as he and Zombie Priestess arrived at the front reception counter.

"Good morning, Undead Master," Guild Girl replied warmly without missing a beat, before turning to the recently deceased young woman by the armored man's side, "And good morning to you, Priestess. It is good to see you on your feet after your unfortunate first adventure."

"G-Good morning?" Zombie Priestess replied.

"How may I help you two this fine day?"

"I would like to have the forms needed to re-instate Zombie Priestess as an Adventurer," Undead Master stated evenly. "For the same purpose as the last time I requested them."

"Certainly, I will get them for you," Guild Girl turned to motion for one of her fellow receptionists to find Zombie Priestess' file and the paperwork in question, "There is some good news, for you Undead Master. Since your last… additions to your party, the Guild has created new forms to accommodate the re-instatement of Adventurers who are continuing their careers as undead."

"I see. That is convenient." Undead Master said appreciatively.

"Last… additions?" Zombie Priestess inquired nervously, to which Guild Girl simply pointed a finger to the trio of Silver Ranked undead Adventurers that were arguing with the rest of the guild nearby.

"The Guild does whatever it can to accommodate its' client Adventurers, and Undead Master and the other Goblin Slayers are some of our best," Guild Girl said with no small amount of pride, "After Undead Master brought his party back from the dead, we decided to put a new procure in place to help accommodate any future Adventurers may end up in this situation. I'm pleased to report that you have the honor of being the first Adventurer to use the new procedure Zombie Priestess!"

"Uh… thanks?" Zombie Priestess felt ever more unsure of herself with each passing moment. The honor of being the first undead Adventurer to use the new re-instatement procedure was, after all, an honor that Zombie Priestess would rather have done without.

Why was the Guild so calm about this, anyway? They that it was prudent to make an entire procedure to accommodate Undead Adventurers?
What other procedures did they have anyway?

"Anyway, it shouldn't take too long to get the requisite forms," Guild Girl continued with a smile, "By the way, have you been back to the Abbey, yet? As a cleric of the Earth Mother, you should probably check in to let them know you are up and about."

"Y-yes. For the record, I have." Zombie Priestess said as she shuffled her feet while biting her lip, remembering the looks of horror from the Mother Superior had given her she had shambled through the front entrance after tripping through the doorway.

Zombie Priestess' return to her childhood home had not been… pleasant.

Well, at least Zombie Priestess knew for sure she still had the blessings of the Earth Mother. Standing on holy ground didn't burn her to a crisp like it would have done to any other Undead, Blessed Water did nothing to her, even after she was doused in it by panicked churchgoers, and Turn Undead had not effect even when every single Cleric in the Abbey used it on her at the same time. As far as anyone could tell, Zombie Priestess' continued favor with the Earth Mother made her completely immune to the usual weaknesses of the undead.

Thank the Earth Mother that Undead Master had been there to stop the congregation when they started getting physical, or Zombie Priestess' un-life would have ended before it truly began!

On one hand, this confirmed to Zombie Priestess that the Earth Mother had not abandoned her.

On the other hand, her little visit to the Abbey had caused many churchgoers there to experience a crisis of faith when they realized their Goddess, whose tenets were all about the sanctity of life and living in harmony with nature, had seemingly endorsed a shambling undead abomination that was a sin against the natural order. Zombie Priestess could still remember the shaken Mother Superior telling her to leave while the older woman directly convened with the Earth Mother about this matter, and the thought of the only mother she had ever known look so lost tore at Zombie Priestess' heart in ways she didn't understand.

"I take it that your visit didn't go too well?" Guild Girl said empathetically, having noticed the sadness in Zombie Priestess' eyes "Don't worry too much. They will come around."

"I hope so." Zombie Priestess whispered, just as one of Guild Girl's colleagues came around a corner carrying an enormous stack of papers that was a least two feet thick. It was so comically large, the poor woman's knees seemed to be buckling under the enormous weight of the paperwork.
"Ah, there are the forms!" Guild Girl stated while Zombie Priestess looked on at the stack in undisguised horror.

"Hm, you are right. There are a lot less forms than there were the last time." Undead Master noted.

"Yes! We managed to cut the required paperwork down to just 10% per applicant compared to what you had to handle a few months ago." Guild Girl supplied helpfully.

Zombie Priestess felt her breath catch in her throat upon hearing Guild Girl's words. How much paperwork had there been the last time? She took back her earlier apprehension about the Guild making a specific process for Zombie applicants: if this was a faction of what Undead Master had to put up with before the new procedure, then Zombie Priestess wasn't going to complain she didn't have to deal with the old one anymore!

"If you start now, you should be able to get this done by sundown just in time for you to set off for another mission." Guild Girl surmised. "A Goblin Slaying mission."

"Really?" Undead Master tilted his head, a right light glowing from within the darkness of his helm.

"There were a couple of Goblin Slaying missions today. I thought I should save you the trouble of going to the bulletin board by reserving them for you given how busy you will be for most of the day." Guild Girl informed the necromancer politely.

The glow within Under Master's helm intensified.

"That is much appreciated," Undead Master agreed as he took the stack off the guild clerk, notably handling the small mountain of papers with much greater ease than the clerk did, and proceeded to one of the empty tables, "Come, Zombie Priestess. We need to fill these forms as quickly as possible so we can embark on our mission."

Zombie Priestess followed after her new 'mentor', eyes still focused on the stack of papers that promised hours of boredom and tedium that now lay ahead of her.

Zombies had to deal with paperwork as well. Who knew?

"Can I… really become an Adventurer after all like this?" Zombie Priestess wondered.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Fortunately for Zombie Priestess, the paperwork did not take as long as she had the intimidating size of it would have suggested. In fact, the sky had only begun to fate to orange and sun had only begun to set when the party had exited the Guild hall, new quest in hand.

Unfortunately for Zombie Priestess, it didn't mean the process of her re-instatement was any less mind-numbing than she had feared it would be.
"Did they really have to have so many quizzes and questions about math, history and the common tongue? They even had that representative from the Supreme God interview us three times!" Zombie Priestess whimpered as she followed the rest of her companions on the path they were taking from the Guild hall to the two exit, specifically one that used a lot of back alleys and unused roads to prevent the group of Undead from causing another scene.

"Sorry Zombie Priestess, it can't be helped," Banshee Elf Archer gave an apologetic and understanding smile toward the younger Undead, "The Guild wants to make absolutely sure that you are fully cognisant and are independent before granting you membership. Most Zombies are mindless slaves, after all!"

"Even most Awakened Undead are chained to their necromancer's will," Skeleton Lizardman agreed sombrely, "From what the Guild had told us, Milord Undead Master is the only necromancer in recent memory that has created independent Undead such as we, without an abominable enchantment to shackle our free will."

"Well, there was Undead Big Sister, who Undead Master's master brought back." Banshee Elf Archer pointed out.

"True, but as nice as that lass is, she is but a simple farmhand and a cook. Unlike the rest of us who are Adventurers, Undead Big Sister can't hurt a fly," Hollow Dwarf chipped in, "I do wonder what Undead Master's Master had been thinking when he brought her back. Thinking Undead of our sort cost a pretty penny to make."

"Perhaps he was fond of her cooking? Her Beef Stew and Cheese dishes are the envy of the gods." Skeleton Lizardman wondered, earning a laugh from Banshee Elf Archer and Hollow Dwarf.

Zombie Priestess tightened her grip around her staff as she was once again reminded about the price Undead Master had paid for her continued existence.

Ten thousand gold worth of reagents and spell components was an absurd price to pay for any Adventurer, not even a Silver Ranked one.
In fact that kind of money was the kind only the Kingdom's treasury could afford. Where had Undead Master found that money anyway? And why spend it on Zombie Priestess?

Zombie Priestess turned to look at the back of the silent Armoured man that was leading the party, her expression thoughtful yet conflicted at the man she owed her current existence to.

Undead Master had blown a fortune in bringing her back from the dead. As thankful as Zombie Priestess was for this second chance, she still wondered why she had been the one who was blessed with this opportunity when so many others were not.

"Soooooo. Goblins," Banshee Elf Archer, having seemingly noticed Zombie Priestess melancholy, spoke up, "Yeah, so, in case you haven't noticed, slaying Goblin Slaying is something of a specialty of our party."

"I might have noticed something to that effect." Zombie Priestess replied with a nervous smile. The name of their party was something of a dead give away about what they were best known for.

"Yeah, Goblin Slaying'" Banshee Elf Archer nodded as she returned Zombie Priestess smile with her own, "Sorry about dragging you along to one of these so quickly considering how your first quest, uh, ended. I would have liked to give you some time to recover and acclimatise first, but that idiot up front wasn't having any of it."

"If her soul was weak, I would never have been able to re-animate her," Undead Master suddenly interrupted, causing all his party members to take notice, "Zombie Priestess is strong, even if she doesn't know it herself. Putting her in the field as quickly as possible is the best way to rectify that."
"Undead Master, you-!"

"He's got ya there, lassie!" Hollow Dwarf guffawed, his steel and brass body rattling in ways that amplified his laughter as he did so.

"Indeed, Mi-lord Undead Master can be unusually perceptive at times like this. It is best not to underestimate him, Elf." Skeleton Lizardman agreed.
"Hey, stop ganging up on me!" Banshee Elf Archer huffed and crossed her arms over her anvil chest petulantly, "Aren't you worried about putting poor Zombie Priestess into Goblin Slaying quest so soon after her first adventure involved her dying horribly at the hands of Goblins? You saw how traumatized Wizard and Fighter were after we rescued them. Shouldn't Zombie Priestess be given the same space?"

"No." Undead Master responded.

"You inconsiderate-!"

"I don't mind, really," Zombie Priestess quickly shook her head, increasingly uncomfortable at the insinuation that she should stay on the side-lines, "I-I... I don't know about the rest of my party, but think the best way for me to get over what happened would be to-"

"Kill some Goblins," Undead Master finished with all the tact of an axe to the face, "If she wants to continue being an Adventurer, she needs to learn to face down what she fears. Confront it. Accept it. Overcome it. Kill it."

The party stopped in their tracks and all turned to look at their leader with varying expressions of horror, confusion and... grudging respect?
"Undead Master," Banshee Elf Archer sighed and began to massage her temples, "I am not a healer, but I don't think that is the healthiest way of dealing with that kind of mental baggage Zombie Priestess is dealing with."

"It worked for me." Undead Master shrugged contentedly.

"That is exactly what I am worried about, Orcbolg." Banshee Elf Archer grumbled.

"Undead Master does have a point, though," Hollow Dwarf chipped in thoughtfully, "The understanding of maladies of the mind is still a relatively new field of study in the healing arts, and such help is mighty rare be found here on the Frontier. Perhaps a more practical solution we know works would be appropriate for Zombie Priestess?"

"I would hardly call turning Zombie Priestess into the second coming of our Goblin obsessed necromancer of a leader a 'practical solution'," Banshee Elf Archer huffed and wagged a finger at Hollow Dwarf, "Look, I already have a hard enough time trying to keep one Goblin Obsessed maniac from using Poison, Fire, Flooding, Explosions, Lava, Quicksand, Carnivorous Plants, Plague Rats, Maggot Swarms and a host of other crazy ideas from going out of control. Having to corral two of them would be too much for my heart to take!"

"Good thing your heart stopped beating ages ago, eh? Hollow Dwarf rattled in mirth as Banshee Elf Archer realized her verbal misstep.
"Gah, You know what I mean!"

While Undead Elf and Undead Dwarf continued to bicker, Zombie Priestess turned to look at Undead Master questioningly, clearly unsure as to what he had planned. From what she had seen so far, Zombie Priestess could see his intentions of throwing her back in the field were good. However, would they actually help?

"Undead Master, Sir? Will I... really be all right?" Zombie Priestess said unsurely.

To that, the helmed warrior looked her in the eye.

"You are stronger than you think you are." Undead Master replied, then turned away and continued to lead the party towards the stables, where their carriage awaited.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Just when Zombie Priestess thought things could not possibly get any weirder, the party arrived at the stables to collect their coach.

The simple large, four-wheeled enclosed wooden carriage wasn't too unusual at first glance. Many farmers and merchants used such things when going about their business, and had the benefit of a simple cloth canvas to keep out the rain and the elements. The timber was worn and well-travelled, but still strong and sturdy and expected to last for many more years. All in all, a normal carriage.

A normal carriage that happened to be drawn by a pair of Zombified horses that clearly had seen better days, a fact that was undeniable since the flies circling the animated carcasses showed that, unlike the carriage, these horses were not particularly well-cared for.

And the smell!

Zombie Priestess hadn't been sure if her sense of smell had survived her transformation into the undead, but exposure to the horses proved it had in the most inconvenient way possible

"T-This is what we are using to travel?" Zombie Priestess stammered out, feeling the bile rising in her throat as she watched Undead Master and Skeleton Lizardman secure the 'horses' to the carriage using what was apparently custom-made stainless-steel barding. As a Zombie herself, the sight of these decomposing horses was extremely disturbing for poor Zombie Priestess, who couldn't help look at these abominations and wonder if her body too would one day have a similar level of decay.

"Aye, lass," Hollow Dwarf assured her quickly, "I know that this may seem uncomfortable to you, but you need not be worries. This isn't as bad as it looks."

As if fate was mocking his very words, a piece of flesh fell off the barrel of one of the horses, exposing a grisly sight. Whatever comforting words Hollow Dwarf gave Zombie Priestess seemed as hollow as the animated armor that made up his body. It was a miracle that Zombie Priestess didn't throw up there and then, but that could also be because she was just too horrified to do even that!

"Wow, that was inconvenient." Banshee Elf Archer slapped a hand to her face in exasperation.

"Aye, the gods appear to be playing tricks on me today." Hollow Dwarf grumbled.

"W-why?" Zombie Priestess turned to Hollow Dwarf and Banshee Elf Archer with despair on her face, "Why are we using Z-Z-Zombie horses to travel instead of real horses?"

Undead Elf and Undead Dwarf gave each other a mortified look before turning back to Zombie Priestess with embarrassed smiles on their faces.

"Because it is cheaper." They replied as one.

Zombie Priestess stared at them, her face blank as she tried to process their ridiculous statement.

"Well, uh, you'll probably learn this very quickly since you are one of us, but we Undead require a lot less upkeep than living beings." Banshee Elf Archer informed Zombie Priestess.

"Aye, the magic that sustains us means that we require much less to maintain our Undead bodies than we should," Hollow Dwarf nodded in agreement, "While embalming fluid, armor grease and other materials to ward off rust and decay are expensive, Undead Master's necromantic magic means we only have to apply these once every three months instead of frequently."

"We don't have to sleep. We don't have to go to the toilet. We don't have to eat or drink… well, we do plenty of eating and drinking because we like doing it, but you get the idea," Banshee Elf Archer said with a wide smile, "So, we can save on precious gold by doing things like not staying at inns (not that innkeeper would want us in there anyway), taking less provisions (except the good tasting ones) and arranging for our own transport (because every time we tried to hitch a ride on a caravan, the coach master would run away screaming, so we eventually gave up)."

"And the Undead Horses?" Zombie Priestess asked, her lips drawn into a firm line.

"Well, lass, a good horse costs coin," Hollow Dwarf explained, "A small pony can cost 30 gold, and a proper warhorse as much as 400. There is also the cost of feeding the horse, keeping them stabled, and the like. Quite costly, all things considered."

"So Undead Master just went out and found two Horse corpses that nobody would miss and re-animated them for a song," Banshee Elf Archer's smile remained on her face, however it turned brittle and more than a little shaky, "So now we have horses to draw our carriage that do not require food, do not require rest, are totally okay with being out in harsh weather, and don't mind if they are set on fire, submerged in water, exploded or tossed thousands of feet in the air! We've had to replace them a few times because of accidents, but the cost savings are enormous! Isn't this great?"

Unfortunately for that 'glowing endorsement' of Undead Master's latest scheme, Banshee Elf Archer's body and mouth were saying to completely different things. The Elf's ears were dropping, the corners of her lips were quivering and Zombie Priestess could swear there were tears in the corners of the Elf's glowing ruby eyes.

Much like Hollow Dwarf's hollow reassurances, it was painfully clear that Banshee Elf Archer's enthusiastic words were less about convincing Zombie Priestess that undead horses were a good idea, but more about convincing herself… and failing miserably.

Although she was still dealing with her own disgust, Zombie Priestess found herself pitying Banshee Elf Archer, for this attempt at self-delusion was something Zombie Priestess had never seen before. It seemed like this wasn't the first time Undead Master's schemes had upset the Elf.

"Look, lass. Think of it this way, every gold piece we save this way can be used for other things, like our equipment," Hollow Dwarf tapped the two bronze colored metal gourds that hung from his belt, "I will have you know that Adventuring as an Undead Shaman costs a pretty penny. Nature spirits aren't used to interacting with the Undead, as Skeleton Lizardman and I found out. You should find yourself thankful that your body as a Zombie won't require you to change your behavior that much!"

Zombie Priestess met Hollow Dwarf's gaze, her eyes empty as the body his soul now resided in.

"Lass, please don't look at me like that." Hollow Dwarf murmured uncomfortably.

"Why are the horses in such a bad shape though?" Zombie Priestess asked, the sense of horror she had experienced upon first seeing the horse had, over the course of this conversation, slowly been replaced with a weary acceptance that she had not known in her fifteen years of life, "I get that we use undead horses to save on coin, but wouldn't it be better to keep them in better condition so that they wouldn't be too unsightly?"

For the second time that evening, Undead Elf and Undead Dwarf gave each other another embarrassed look, this daring each other to answer. Eventually it was Banshee Elf Archer who spoke.

"Well, actually, these are freshly re-animated Skeleton Horses. The last ones we were… exploded, so Undead Master had to make new ones.," Banshee Elf Archer said, the expression on her face making it clear to Zombie Priestess that the Elf was painfully aware just how nonsensical her explanation was, "It's actually the Skeleton that is Undead, not the whole thing. We're just waiting for the rotten flesh to fall off the bodies, because we don't want to strip them off ourselves."

…

"Please don't stare at me like that," Banshee Elf Archer yelped in fight, "Wow, Hollow Dwarf is right. You are creepy when you want to be, Zombie Priestess!"

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

It wasn't long after that the party boarded their transport, and before long they were on their way.

Despite the darkness of night and the fact that the carriage did not have any light source to speak of, the horses, aided by their undead night vision, proceeded down the road with a brisk pace. The two moons hung in the sky as the five Adventurers confidently ventured forth into the darkness, something no other living party, save for the foolhardiest, would have done.

Undead night vision, superior to that of even the highborn elves, was an ability that Zombie Priestess was only fully beginning to appreciate.
Hollow Dwarf and Skeleton Lizardman were up front guiding the hoses, with the remainder of the party were in the back with the rest of their equipment.

Undead Master, being the only living member of the party, was sound asleep from where he rested cross-legged while leaning against the side of the carriage. Zombie Priestess, now an undead being that did not require sleep, could only marvel at the fact he was still clad in full armor while he rested.

"Isn't he uncomfortable, sleeping like that?" Zombie Priestess asked Banshee Elf Archer, who sat across from her and was in the process of sharpening a few new arrow-heads.

"He's an adventurer. He's used to it," Banshee Elf Archer replied offhandedly, "I expect his poor posture will play merry hell with him in his old age, but if that's the way he wants to sleep there is little you or I can do to stop him. Undead Master is a stubborn man, if you couldn't already tell."

Time passed as the carriage rode on, and as it did Zombie Priestess came to the realization of just how much time she now had. Most living Adventuring parties would have set up camp to sleep once the sun had set, but her party's 'uniqueness' allowed them to continue even after dark. However, with pitch black darkness surrounding them, denying her the sights of the countryside, and nothing but the wind to listen to, Zombie Priestess found herself bored.

Even prayers of thanks to the Earth Mother for not abandoning her wore thin after the first four hours or so. So, without anything else to do, Zombie Priestess turned to Banshee Elf Archer and asked a question she had been meaning to put forward for some time.

"So, how did Undead Master manage to get the gold needed to revive s?" Zombie Priestess asked.

"Hm?" Banshee Elf Archer hummed, setting the nearly completed arrow she had been crafted down.

"How did Undead Master find the gold needed to revive all of us?" Zombie Priestess repeated herself, "Undead Master said that he spent over ten thousand gold to make a Zombie. That is more gold than I have ever seen in my entire life, and he just spent it like that."

"Well, normally making a Zombie doesn't cost that much," Banshee Elf Archer informed the rookie Adventurer honestly, "If it was that expensive to make Undead, most evil wizards wouldn't have the Undead armies we hear about so often. The reason it was so much more expensive for you was because Undead Master wanted to bind your soul back to your corpse and restore your free will."

"I understood that part," Zombie Priestess shook her head, "What I meant was, where did he get all that gold? It cost wen thousand gold for me, and there are four of us…"

"Forty thousand gold," Banshee Elf Archer's confirmed, "That is a lot of coin, isn't it?"

"How could he get that much? I heard from you and the others that our party only ever took Goblin Slaying quests," which was a strange habit that Zombie Priestess also wanted to ask about, but had to focus on the more pressing question first, "Goblin Slaying quests don't pay a lot. Even with all the cost savings our party manages to make by exploiting our Undead state, getting ten thousand gold, let alone forty thousand, would take a lifetime."

"That's true," Banshee Elf Archer agreed honestly, "In fact even when I was alive and taking normal Silver quests, I wouldn't be able to make that kind of coin by plundering an old even ruin."

"Then how did Undead Master manage to get that kind of coin, and why was he willing to spend it all on us?" And on Zombie Priestess, a mere Porcelain rank, who had died on her first Adventure.

Banshee Elf Archer lips quirked into a mischievous smirk.

"You assume that it was his idea to bring us back, or that it was his gold that he spent on us."

Banshee Elf Archer had been about to elaborate more, when a loud 'thunk!' echoed through the night. An arrow had impacted on the side of the wooden carriage, narrowly missing Skeleton Lizardman who had moved his head out of the way at the very last second.

The Adventures, including Undead Master who had awoken at the unexpected sound, went on alert.

"Report," Undead Master growled out, "Is it Goblins?"

"Bandits." Skeleton Lizardman replied calmly.

Zombie Priestess swallowed nervously, her fingers tightening around her staff. Bandits. Thugs and lawbreakers of the worst sort, who preyed upon unsuspecting travelers trying to go about their daily lives. People who had turned away from the Gods of Order to embrace sin and vice in ways that Zombie Priestess shuddered to comprehend. Banditry, murder, extortion… no crime was too heinous for these criminals. No sin they were not willing to partake in.

Now, Bandits were before Zombie Priestess, and she was trembling in fear. Bandits may be evildoers, but they were still people. This would not be like fighting monsters. Zombie Priestess did not know if she had it in her, so soon into her career, to deal with Bandits.

Thankfully, however, she was with her party. A party made up of Silver Ranked Adventurers, all experts and veterans of their trade. They would know what to do!

"Bandits?" Undead Master asked questioningly.

"Bandits." Skeleton Lizardman confirmed.

"Oh. Okay." Undead Master nodded… and then promptly sat back down and went back to sleep.

Zombie Priestess looked on at her leader at open mouthed shock.

That was… not the appropriate action Zombie Priestess expected.

"Oh, Orcbolg…" Banshee Elf Archer slapped a hand to her face in exasperation while Hollow Dwarf and Skeleton Lizardman both shared a hearty laugh.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

The Bandits thought they had picked their target well.

"What luck!" Their leader, to whom we now shall refer to as 'Bandit A' had said as he lowered his bow, "A lone, horse drawn carriage in the middle of the night? We're going to eat well tonight!"

The Bandits had almost missed the passing travelers. The enclosed carriage had been travelling without a lantern, torch or other such light source, probably to remain undetected from miscreants such as he. Had Bandit A not been a Dark Half Elf with an inherited night vision, if only a rather poor one, he would have missed the carriage entirely.

As it was, the darkness and fog that had happened to roll in at an was so encompassing that he could only make out vague shapes and distant whispered voices.

Even as the Bandits advanced on their prey, weapons drawn, Bandit A was having a hard time seeing anything but shadows. His vision was acting up tonight it seemed, and the darkness and the fog was making it all but impossible to identify just what he and his crew were up against.
What a critical failure on his part!

"Well, we got them to stop at least," Bandit A stated as he and his posse close in, "Just be ready, people. They might decide to be heroes and try fighting back."

"I call first takings on any women we find," Another scimitar wielding Bandit, to whom we shall refer to as 'Bandit B', declared maliciously, licking his lips in a manner most suggestive, "I need her to knit the tear in my smallclothes, none of us can sew and I'm getting a little drafty!"

"Not all women know you to knit, you sexist pig!" A spear wielding cat-folk of the feminine persuasion who didn't know how to knit, who shall now be known as Bandit C, "If the hole in your pants bothers you that much, just steal a pair from the travelers and get them to walk home naked!"
"Wear some other bloke's underwear?" Bandit B recoiled in horror, "Are you daft woman? Don't know how dirty that is? That's disgusting!"

"And your current set isn't? You've been wearing that pair for the last three weeks without changing," Bandit C sniffed, her sensitive nose seeming to cringe at the smell radiating off her compatriot, "You're disgusting! Learn to wash your clothes damn it!"

"It's my damn clothes, and my damn stink! It may be dirty, but it is mine!" Bandit B shot back.

"Keep your smallclothes and the women, you buffoons, I want the drink they have," A barrel shaped Dwarf woman hefting an axe, Bandit D, grinned just as evilly, "I haven't had a proper beer in ages! A dwarf without alcohol is a thirsty man in the desert. I NEED Beer, NOW!"

"Your priorities are completely messed up, Dwarf." A snooty dark Half-Elf bandit, who was the younger twin sister of the band's leader, Bandit E, shook her head sadly, "I think I heard an Elf just now. If we could get some Elven Bread, that would be fantastic."

Bandit A looked on at the other members of his posse, who were now arguing about whether underwear, bread or beer was more important, and despaired that none of them were actually talking about the gold they could get from their crime. Not every vile hearted person who turned to banditry had brains, after all, criminals who did have intelligence and wisdom to become loan sharks, shady businesspeople, corrupted clergy, or crooked politicians… but it truly did seem that Bandit A had made an unfortunate roll of the dice when he put together this unseemly lot of villains.
Perhaps it was about time that he sought a change in career?

"Quiet you lot!" Bandit A barked as he pointed to where the carriage had rolled to a stop, strangely idle for something that had just been waylaid by Bandits, "We can argue about this all later. Let us shake them down first, and then talk about how to divvy up the spoils later!"

With that, the Bandits approached the convoy, weapons drawn and looking as malicious as they could possibly be. Surely this show of force would cow their prey into submission? Surely?

"…seriously, they're just walking up to us?" Feminine voice from within the carriage that seemed to have a strange resonance to it said incredulously, "They're not leaving anyone as overwatch?"

"Aye, it would appear we have been waylaid by rank amateurs," A throaty Dwarven voice that seemed to ring and echo like a hollow cave confirmed with some mirth, "Any proper bandit would not only have kept some men in reserve to avoid disclosing their numbers, but kept them hidden in a advantageous position. Granted this is a level field with a country road with only bushes nearby…"

"Your hearing is better than either of hours, my lady," The raspy voice of a Lizardman said, "Surely could have heard their argument. These are not old hands, I can tell that much."

"Hearing and believing are entirely two things." The Elf replied.

Feeling slightly insulted, and quite bashful since he realized there was a smidgen of truth in their critique, Bandit A nevertheless decided to adopt the air of a consummate professional.

Motioning for his group to stop not more than twenty paces from the carriage, Bandit A cleared his throat and spoke.

"Ho! Travelers! You are surrounded!" Bandit A declared haughtily, squinting

"No, we are not." One of the two drivers turned to look at them (wait, were his eyes glowing?), the raspy voice indicating it was the Lizardman, "Surrounded implies you have encircled us from several directions. As it is, your Bandit group is approaching us from a single direction. I do believe, then, you are mistaken Sir Bandit."

"I… er… well, even if you are not surrounded, we still have you at our mercy." Bandit A declared, unsettled by the way this was going.

Wasn't this supposed to be easier? Certainly all the tales of his youth indicated the travelers should have been quivering in their boots by now. Perhaps it was best to fall back on that old standby?

"Your money or your life!" Bandit A declared, hoping a traditional approach would work out.

"I do not have the latter, and I do believe I speak for my compatriots when I say I do not plan on giving you the former." The Lizardman responded evenly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Bandit D tilted her head in confusion, the lack of alcohol in her system clearly having addled her mind.

"I do believe that is a 'No'." Bandit C decided jabbing her spear in the direction of the carriage menacingly. "I do believe they plan to resist."

"Awfully cocky for a bunch of travelers confronted by Bandits!" Bandit B spoke up viciously, while Bandit A was trying to remove the foot from his mouth, "Do you not see the deadly weapons that we are brandishing at this very moment?"

"Yes, we do. We just don't think them to be threats, that is all." The Lizardman replied.

"Are you daft?" Bandit E growled as she waved her crossbow around looking quite ready to loose a bolt out if frustration, "Do you not care about your life? Are you not fearful of death?"

"Seeing as how I am already dead… not particularly, no."

Wait, what?

"Holy Light!" A forth traveler that the Bandits had missed shouted.

Suddenly, the area was illuminated by light as the fog was chased away, giving the Bandits the first good look, they had of the true nature of the travelers that had just been waylaid.

"Greetings," Skeleton Lizardman waved a bony hand in greeting, his glowing eyes meeting that of Bandit A's, "I must say, you are the most amusing group of Bandits we have been ambushed by."

"Fairly diverse too, I might add." Hollow Dwarf agreed as he pulled off his helmet, showing that there was nothing inside the suit of armor that was now his body, "By the way, I happen to agree with your dwarven friend. Beer and mead is more important than bread."

"And honestly, I don't get your fascination with underwear. Purebood Elves do just fine without." Banshee Elf Archer poked her head out of the inside of the carriage, ruby eyes glowing like embers as she made sure to give the Bandits a good view of her sharp, unnaturally pointy teeth.

"Uh, Hi?" Zombie Priestess joined Banshee Elf Archer in greeting the Bandits with a warm smile.

Then, another piece of flesh fell off the barrel of one of the horses, making a very disturbing sound as it slopped onto the ground. Then Holy Light ended and the area was plunged back into darkness.

The night was silent once again, as none of the parties moved as the Bandits processed what they had just seen and the Undead Adventurers waited to see how the mortals would react. Then…

"Be quiet. I am trying to sleep." A fifth head emerged from out of the carriage. However, while it was still shrouded in darkness, the single glowing red eye from inside a menacing helm, one that conveyed such menace and evil that even the Dark Gods would quiver in fear, was visible in the night for the Bandits to see.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The Bandits screeched as one.

Horror, fear, terror and a dozen other words that had the same meaning, but all needed to be used to covey just how much they wanted to live after staring death in the face, coursed their veins as they threw down their weapons and fled through the night as fast as their legs could carry them. Bandits may be a vicious, evil lot, but they were still living beings with a strong desire to keep breathing at the end of the day.

"Hm, so they were not Goblins after all." Undead Master mused.

"It was as I said, was it not?" Skeleton Lizardman replied amusedly as the necromancer went back inside the carriage to resume his rest. The encounter, as unexpectedly quick as it had begun, was now over. The party had prevailed over the Bandits.

"See, Zombie Priestess? I told you we would be alright," Banshee Elf Archer laughed as she hopped out of the carriage and ran over to where the Bandits had dropped their weapons, "Oh! A dark elven crossbow! Sweet, I've never seen one of these before!"

"Aye, some of this stuff is worth keeping for our run against the Goblins," Hollow Dwarf agreed as he joined her in picking up the spoils, "This is good fortune indeed."

"Calling dibs on the bow." Banshee Elf Archer cackled.

The party had prevailed, and in doing so how had the spoils.

Was this not how Encounters in Adventures went?

"Oh, Earth Mother, is this really an Adventure?" Zombie Priestess prayed as she watched her two companions gather up the loot.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Having resolved the encounter with the Bandits, as well as looting the weapons so generously left behind by the would-be criminals, the party continued on their way. They rode through the night until they reached their destination: a village in the frontier that happened to be downstream from an old elven fortress that had become the residence of a Goblin horde.

"Wow, we got here quick." Zombie Priestess observed with some amazement. Few other Adventuring groups could have covered this distance in such a short span of time. Certainly, her old party would never have made this distance in the time they had just taken!

"That's the advantage of not having to sleep," Hollow Dwarf said sullenly from outside the main cabin, "Unfortunately, Lass, we did not make the journey quick enough. Our encounter with the Bandits slowed us down."

"Not quick enough?" Zombie Priestess tilted her head in confusion.

"We had planned to arrive before sunrise, but… well, you're about to see." Hollow Dwarf groaned.

The carriage proceeded down the country road, passing by wheat fields and farmland as it proceeded towards the main village thoroughfare. The arrival of the Adventurers in the village was heralded by the rising sun, the crowing of the Roosters to herald the dawn, and…

"BY THE EARTH MOTHER, WHAT THE DEVIL IS THAT?!"

…the frightened screams of several villagers who had the misfortune of being on the road as the carriage drawn by two rotting horse corpses, and driven by a Skeleton Lizardman and what seemed to be a haunted suit of armor rode right by them.

This was not the most triumphant way to arrive in the town, that was for sure.

"Well, they know we're in town now at least." Hollow Dwarf mumbled at the sight of a young farm hand willingly throwing himself into a thorny bush to hide, rather than stay in the open.

"It is regrettable that we always cause this reaction," Skeleton Lizardman sighed, "If only we had arrived just a little sooner, we could have avoided this. That is unfortunate."

Apparently, as Zombie Priestess would learn later, the party's standard procedure was to arrive at their destination shortly before dawn, before most of the townsfolk awoke, or after dusk, when most of the townsfolk had gone to sleep, to quietly stash away their carriage and meet with the village leadership, who would have been warned of their arrival beforehand. It was there that the party, who would have donned disguises or kept out of sight, would receive the details of the quest, and if necessary would begin coordinating the with villagers to fend off a Goblin attack if need be.

It was a good plan…

"AHHHHHHHHH! ZOMBIE HORSES! AHHHHHHHHH! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!"

…at least when it worked.

"Huh, lots of early risers on the road today." Hollow Dwarf noted.

"Oh, dear," Zombie Priestess bit her lip worriedly, the sound of yet another frightened villager having been sent running due to this spot of bad luck, "I don't think the villagers are taking us being undead very well at all."

"They never do," Banshee Elf Archer agreed reaching into one of the many bags that were in the back of the carriage and rummaging around inside for a bit, "We normally use makeup and disguises to try and avoid people realizing we are Undead, but we didn't have a chance to put it on yet."

"But didn't we have a lot of time earlier before we arrived in town?" Zombie Priestess pointed out, remembering the fact they had just spent the last few hours doing nothing.

"It was dark out. Undead night vision is good, but it lacks the ability to pick up on colors. Trust me, trying to put it on without daylight would have been futile at best," Banshee Elf Archer withdrew a fairly sizeable box from within the bag, and opened it to reveal it was a very impressive makeup kit, "It is still too early to put this on, though. We need more light out before I can work my magic."

"AIEEEEE! THE UNDEAD ARE ATTACKING!" another frightened scream from the outside caused Zombie Priestess to wince, "FIRST GOBLINS, NOW THIS? SOMEONE CALL FOR AN ADVENTURER!"

"But we are the Adventurers," Zombie Priestess muttered sullenly before turning to Undead Master, who was still sleeping with his head resting against the side of the carriage, "How can he sleep though all this screaming? He seemed so alert last night when the Bandits attacked."

It was perplexing to Zombie Priestess. Undead Master, who had woken instantly during the Bandit ambush, was sound asleep even though there were villagers screaming at the top of their lungs outside. In fact, he looked almost comfortable despite the poor position he was in.

"I'm… not quite sure about that myself. Maybe because he doesn't sense any danger?" Banshee Elf Archer said, closing the lid of the makeup box and setting it to one side, "Honestly, Undead Master confuses the hell out of me even after months of Adventuring with him. Sometimes he does stuff so brilliant you can't help but be in awe of him, and other times… Orcbolg can be a real pain."

"Orcbolg?" Zombie Priestess wondered curiously, "I've heard you use that term to refer to Undead Master before. Why is that?"

"Ah, that? It means 'Goblin Slayer' in the Elvish tongue," Banshee Elf Archer gave a nostalgic smile as she lapsed into bittersweet memories, "Before Undead Master formed this party by reanimating us, he was a solo Adventurer who went by the title 'Goblin Slayer'."

"And when he joined this party…?"

"We became 'the Goblin Slayers'," Banshee Elf Archer confirmed, "Before we came along, he used to clear out Goblin nests all on his own. From what I can tell, he climbed all the way from Porcelain to Silver doing nothing but Goblin Slaying missions. He got pretty famous too, since the first I ever heard of him was from a bard while in the Water Town."

"Wow, I didn't know that." Zombie Priestess admitted.

Zombie Priestess knew she had lived a rather sheltered life. Barely an adult, she had spent her whole life in Abbey of the Earth Mother, and as such did not know much about the outside world. As such, I came as a surprise to her that Undead Master, the man who had brought her back from the afterlife, was a famous Adventurer. Perhaps, if Undead Master really was a great hero, he might be able to teach her how to me a proper Adventurer after all?

"So, what sort of songs do people sing about him?" Zombie Priestess asked curiously, hope surging in her chest, "Did he save lots of villages? Was it some sort of heroic tale?"

Banshee Elf Archer snorted in a most unladylike fashion before bursting into fits of hysterical laughter. There were honest to goodness tears in her eyes.

"H-Heroic tale? As if! It was a horror story!" Banshee Elf Archer howled, beating a fist against the side of the carriage in a vain attempt to control her mirth, "It was a horror story about how many villagers would suffer cruelly from evil Goblins, but a horrible vengeful necromancer and his dark army would sweep in and wipe out the threat before melting back into the shadows!"

"Oh." Zombie Priestess said, now much less enthusiastic than before.

"It was a cautionary tale about behaving and being good and just, lest Orcbolg and his army of undead monsters would mistake naughty children for Goblins and take them away to add to his undead army," Banshee Elf Archer wiped a hand across her eyes, barely managing to get herself back under control, "There are plenty of other stories and songs as well, but the overlying theme is that you better be good, or Orcbolg would do horrible things to you!"

"Oh. Oh, dear." Zombie Priestess was disheartened by what she had learned. Rather than being a great hero Undead Master, who had then been known as Goblin Slayer, had been quite the opposite. Instead of righteous knight who dispensed justice upon wrongdoers, he was a vengeful demon who sought out the wicked to sate his own bloodlust.

But then again, now that Zombie Priestess thought about it, what had she been expecting? She had seen Undead Master with her own eyes. There could be only one kind of song that the Bard would compose for such a man, and an uplifting tale of heroism was not it.

Worse, what did it mean for Zombie Priestess, not that she had joined a party that had come to adopt Undead Master's former title? What stories and songs would people sing about her, now that she was in the company of a necromancer and his undead compatriots?

"Sorry, I seem to have upset you," Banshee Elf Archer said apologetically, "Look, despite what the songs say, almost everyone aware of our reputation know we are really good at what we do."

"Really?" Zombie Priestess sniffled.

"Re-"

"UNDEAD HORSES! UNDEAD HORSEMEN! GODS HAVE MERCY, THE DEMON LORD IS ATTACKING!"

"-ally," Banshee Elf Archer continued, tactfully ignoring the hysterical screaming from the man outside, "I mean, the Bards and the rumor mill can say anything they want about us, but when the dice start rolling and Goblins start attacking, the people of the land know who exactly to turn to."

"Us?"

"Nope!" Banshee Elf Archer grinned , "The correct answer is 'The Guild', who then hands the job to us, before we send a letter by magical homing owl to the job poster letting them know the Goblin Slayers are coming and not to freak out when we do!"

That did not instill Zombie Priestess with confidence. It did not instill her with any sort of confidence at all.

"Don't worry, it isn't all bad. Ever since we joined up with Undead Master, he's been getting better. Eventually, the songs that will be sung about our Adventures will be better. You'll see."

"I hope so. I really do." Zombie Priestess responded.

It was then that the carriage suddenly slowed to a complete stop, causing the three inhabitants inside the main cabin to sway slightly at the sudden loss of motion. Undead Master, sound asleep mere moments ago, suddenly raised his head in a motion so sudden and unexpected that it caused Zombie Priestess to let out a small 'meep' in fright, prompting Banshee Elf Archer to shake her head in grim amusement.

"Have we arrived?" Undead Master asked, just loud enough for the two drivers to hear.

"We have, Sir Undead Master," Skeleton Lizardman replied, "We have stopped off in the main stables outside the town hall, and it appears the village elders are here to receive us."

"Good," Undead Master made to exit the carriage, and motioned for Zombie Priestess to follow after him, "Come, Zombie Priestess, it is time to begin your first Adventure with us."

Those words, which would have made her so happy mere days ago, now filled the young woman with uncertainty and dread.

"Oh, Earth Mother," Zombie Priestess silently prayed to the deity she had revered all her life, "Is it really okay to be an Undead Adventurer who hunts Goblins?"

Although she did not hear a reply from the Earth Mother at that moment, Zombie Priestess knew in her heart the answer to her question would come very soon.

Very soon indeed…

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

"Even if we're dead, we want to make our dreams come true… No, even if we're dead, we WILL make our dreams come true! Is it despair? Is it hope? We'll overcome a harsh fate! Even if we don't have a pulse, we'll press on! We will…"

"Slay the Goblins."

"What? No, Undead Master, it's supposed to be 'we will become ad-'…"

"We will Slay the Goblins."

"We will Become Ad-"

"We will Slay the Goblins."

"Undead Master… you're an idiot."

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

To Be Continued!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

UNDEAD MASTER AND THE GOBLIN SLAYERS

A story about one necromancer and his four undead party members (who he created using his dark powers), and his one-man vendetta against the entire goblin race.

Starring…

UNDEAD MASTER (Goblin Slayer), a young necromancer who wants to exterminate every single Goblin in creation, and uses his dark necromancy powers to create Zombies, Banshees, Skeletons and other undead nasties to send Goblins to an early grave. Despite being the only still living member of the party, he is undoubtedly the scariest member of the posse.

...and THE GOBLIN SLAYERS.

ZOMBIE PRIESTESS (Priestess), a young cleric of the Earth Mother who got herself killed on her first adventurer after Illusion 'borrowed' her from the Earth Mother and got her killed after rolling a string of Natural 1s. Earth Mother has since begun using Zombie Priestess in the Supreme God's 'horror comedy' campaign as a way to broaden her own horizons and 'play against the type' for a change.

BANSHEE ELF ARCHER (High Elf Archer), an elven princess who met her end after fighting an Ogre. Although she is slightly unsettled by her undead state, Banshee Elf Archer has since learned to take advantage of the fact that her undead nature has granted her a second chance to have more adventures. Her family, and her sister, does not know she is now undead.

HOLLOW DWARF (Dwarf Shaman), a dwarven shaman who met his end after fighting an Ogre. Despite having lost his original body, the enchantments in Hollow Drawf's armor allow him to taste anything that enters the hollow space of his new body. His goal of tasting g wines and great food remains unchanged, even now – and his body itself acts as carrying space for the party's provisions.

SKELETON LIZARDMAN (Lizardman Priest), a lizardman who met his end after fighting an Ogre. Although his untimely death had initially put his dream of becoming a Naga into jeopardy, recent adventures have uncovered that he is in fact the foretold Naga-Lich in an ancient Lizardman prophecy, destined to save his race from extinction. Also may have a crush on Undead Big Sister. Or more specifically, Undead Big Sister's cooking.

...and also starring...

UNDEAD BIG SISTER (Big Sister), Undead Master's Big Sister, who was revived as an Undead being by Undead Master's teacher. Despite her horrible experiences at the hands of Goblins, Undead Big Sister has not let those bad experiences get her down. She has been helping out around Cow Girl and Uncle's farm, and makes the best cheeses and stews in all of Creation.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

A/N – Whoot! I am back on the site after all this time! Hopefully the best way to celebrate my return would be to stick the latest project I have been working on up here for those who don't frequent SB to see. This fanfic has been pretty well received over there, so hopefully you guys over here would enjoy it just as much. Thanks for reading!

 

[linkjames24]

Hmm. Not enough violence for a story crossed over with Goblin Slayer.

 

[sasahara17]

"T-Thank you all for coming," The old man who happened to be the Village Elder's smile was brittle as he stared down the five Adventurers that sat across from him in the small meeting room, "I knew the Guild was sending some Adventurers who would deal with our Goblin problems, but I hadn't expected it to be the Goblin Slayers."

That he had hoped that the Guild would have sent someone else, anyone else, remained unsaid.

"That is no problem," Undead Master said stoically from across the table, still clad head to toe in full armor, "Now that we are here, please gives up a more accurate report on the Goblins, as well as any updates that you may have since the last time you spoke with the Guild."

"R-Right. What do you want to know about them?" Village Elder gulped.

"Estimated numbers. Behavior. Size of their nest. Any sighted larger ones, such as Shamans or a Hob," Undead Master elaborated systematically, "I also believe another group of Adventurers attempted to clear these Goblins out before us. Do you have there been any updates as to their fate since? Have you been able to recover the bodies?"

"I, er… well…" Village Elder stammered eyes wide and confused at the laundry list of things Undead Master had just bombarded him with.

"Geez, Undead Master. You're normally so quiet, but when the topic of Goblins comes up you always run your mouth off like this. Look at the poor man, you've confused him!" Banshee Elf Archer, now wearing so much makeup that her skin was now the color of the living, admonished Undead Master with a playful tap against the side of the necromancer's helmet.

"This is information we need to know before we attack the nest," Undead Master defended himself, "If another party of Adventurers went in before us and were defeated, then we have to assume that the defenses are formidable."

"Oh, Orcbolg," Banshee Elf Archer sighed, "Six months on, and your social skills still leave a lot to be desired"

"Is that so?" Undead Master tilted his head, uncomprehendingly.

"Just… just let Skeleton Lizardman do the talking, okay?"

"Sir Village Elder, perhaps we should start with something simple," Skeleton Lizardman, now wearing an elaborate silken veil that seamlessly blended in with his tribal robes, leaned forward and addressed the old man, "Perhaps you tell us when these attacks first started, and we can move on from there as it becomes appropriate."

The Village Elder, now having a proper reference point to begin, slowly began to recite a tale of tragedy and despair that inevitably resulted when Goblins became involved. Tales of murdered loved ones, kidnapped maidens and stolen property were not new, for many a village threatened by Goblin had also experienced such tales. However, they helped the old man get centered, and distracted him from the fact the Adventurers that had come to help were not what he had expected.

Zombie Priestess could not blame the old man for being nervous. Although she and the other members of the Goblin Slayers had since donned 'disguises', the unfortunate manner of their arrival in the town and the Village Elder's forewarned knowledge meant the disguises were moot.
He knew what they were, and it didn't matter how much makeup Zombie Priestess now wore to conceal that fact.

"This is some good makeup, though," Priestess murmured to herself as she discretely look at her own reflection in a nearby mirror, "I don't look like a Zombie at all."

Other than the fact her irises had changed from their old azure to the color of blood, the copious application of cosmetics had turned her decayed green skin back to its' normal shade and restored her appearance to what she looked like before death.

Had Zombie Priestess not already been acutely aware she lacked a pulse, she would never have thought the girl in the mirror had been a Zombie. In fact, the disguises worn by the rest of her compatriots were just as good. Skeleton Lizardman and Hollow Dwarf wore additional clothing pieces that concealed their Undead natures, while Banshee Elf Archer and Zombie Priestess were pretty much indistinguishable from the living.

To think that Undead Master had been the one to do apply these disguises! It would seem that the necromancer was a man of many talents, and makeup artist happened to be one of them. Where in the world did he pick up such a unique and situational skill?

"I see, so the Goblins are still holed up in the old Elven Fort, and number at least two score," Skeleton Lizardman raised a hand to his concealed chin thoughtfully, his words snapping Zombie Priestess back to attention from her musings, "This is much more serious than we had first anticipated, then. And you also say there was some confirmation that they party that went in before failed to clear out the next?"

"Unfortunately," Village Elder nodded sadly, "The body of the leader of the party was discovered washed up on the north bank of the river this morning, shortly before your own arrival in fact. It gave unfortunate River Fisherman quite the scare."

That caused the four veteran members of the Goblin Slayers to perk up and take notice.

"Washed up on the north bank you say?" Undead Master said, suddenly very interested in what had just been said, "What state was the corpse in? Was it badly decayed? Relatively intact? Was the mouth and vocal cords unharmed? Eyes and ears? What about the brain?"

Zombie Priestess and Village Elder's jaws dropped open simultaneously.

"Well, this is going to be taken the wrong way. Again." Hollow Dwarf said.

"Oh, Orcbolg, you idiot," Banshee Elf Archer hung her head in exasperation, at the second explosion of uncomfortable questions that had come from their esteemed leader, "There are more tactful ways to go about this, you know."

"Wh-why would you want to know about the state of that poor woman's body?" Village Elder recoiled in disgust. Indeed, the unexpected interest and very specific line of questioning could easily be construed to have a more nefarious purpose.

"If the body is in good condition, I can talk to her to find out more information about the Goblins," Undead Master replied firmly, completely unfazed by Village Elder's reaction, "The necromantic arts allow me to speak with the dead, and depending on the condition of the body I can either use her corpse as a conduit, or will need to use a ritual to commune with her spirit directly."

"Oh." Village Elder said, now looking rather embarrassed about his moral outrage moments ago.

"The latter option is much more difficult to set up given the time constraints," Undead Master continued, "It would be preferable to me if I made her a temporary Zombie to converse with her rather than the other option."

"What, like the rest of your party?" Village Elder asked.

"No. Unlike my party members who are true Undead beings, this Zombie would only last for around a day," Undead Master clarified, "The God of Death is not so easily thwarted, and death must come to all things. That is the first lesson of necromancy. It will decay as per normal and return to the Earth as all things should… once I am finished with her body, that is."

Village Elder and Zombie Priestess looked distinctly ill at that.

"Wow. That was bad even for you, Beard Cutter." Hollow Dwarf rumbled.

"Milord Undead Master, I understand what you mean, but that is not the way I would have put it." Skeleton Lizardman winced.

"Phrasing, Orcbolg! Phrasing!" Banshee Elf Archer rapped the necromancer's helmet again. "It is always Undead or Goblins with you! This is why I told you to get a hobby so you will have other things to talk about!"

"Is that so?"

"That IS so, you idiot!"

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Undead Master and the Goblin Slayers in…

"It is wrong to be thankful that my heart isn't beating anymore?"

Starring…

Goblin Slayer as Undead Master
Priestess as Zombie Priestess
High Elf Archer as Banshee Elf Archer
Dwarf Shaman as Hollow Dwarf
Lizardman Priest as Skeleton Lizardman

…And…

Big Sister as Undead Big Sister

A not for profit fanfiction by Sasahara17 based on the dark fantasy adventure series Goblin Slayer by Kumo Kagyu, and inspired by the hit idol group Franchouchou of Saga Prefecture, who were produced and re-animated by Kotaro Tatsumi, Cygames and Syudio Mappa.

Please support the official releases!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

A scant hour later, the party had relocated to an abandoned barn on the edge of the village, one they planned to use as the base of their operations for this Adventure. Although Village Elder had offered to let them rent it for free, if only to keep them away from the main village thoroughfare, Undead Master had instead insisted he pay for the use of the building.

"We will attack at dusk, when the Goblins are changing guard shifts," Undead Master said as he began to paint strange symbols on the ground using pig's blood in an empty space the party had clear out in the middle of the barn, "When the Goblins are at their most vulnerable, we will move in and destroy them. Until then, we will prepare."

Zombie Priestess could not agree more. If there was one thing her first ill-fated adventure had taught her, it was that preparation before an Adventure was the key to success, or at very least warding off critical failure. In retrospect, Zombie Priestess couldn't help but think if her original party had taken just one more precaution, one moment to research and think things through, her life would have turned out very differently.
The party was carefully using the time they now had to make themselves as ready to assault.

Skeleton Lizardman was using a flintstone to sharpen the edge of the scimitar they had acquired from the Bandits. Hollow Dwarf was apparently banging out dints in a second set of armor, one he apparently wore over his current body to reinforce it. Banshee Elf Archer was making yet more arrows, and was carefully appraising the Dark Elf crossbow. Zombie Priestess herself had finished her prayers to the Earth Mother this morning, refreshing her miracles for the day, and was now inspecting a set of chainmail Undead Master had purchased for her beforehand.

And as for Undead Master himself? He was preparing to revive the corpse that bundled up in cloth that now lay in the middle of the barn. Although she knew why the corpse was there, and she had yet to actually lay eyes on the poor woman's body because they had not yet removed it from under the swaddled cloth, Zombie Priestess nevertheless was distinctly uncomfortable at being in the room with a dead body for rather obvious and understandable reasons.

Well, being in the room with five dead bodies, except one of them wasn't moving.

Yet.

Zombie Priestess' life after her death was weird.

"Attack at dusk again, huh?" Skeleton Lizardman said, "Milord Undead Master, knows his craft well."

"Yeah, yeah. Standard procedure," Banshee Elf Archer waved a hand dismissively from where she sat on a bale of hay that had been moved to the side of the room, "But remember 'The List', okay? I can already tell you are planning on using fire to burn down the whole fortress."
"The List?" Zombie Priestess asked from her own seat across the room.

"Lady Elf compiled a list of things she does not want Milord Undead Master to do during our Adventures," Skeleton Lizardman explained, "It began as a simple three things he was not allowed to use to clear out Goblins, and expanded from there."

"No fire, no water, no poison," Hollow Dwarf recalled with no small amount of amusement, "Then no explosions, no cave ins, no lava, no quicksand, no carnivorous plants…"

"The List has gotten rather long, hasn't it?" Skeleton Lizardman agreed.

"The List is inconvenient," Undead Master replied stoically, although Zombie Priestess could almost hear a hint of irritation in his tone, "And you are correct, Banshee Elf Archer. I was planning on burning down the Elven Fortress."

"Ha! I knew it!" Banshee Elf Archer puffed her nonexistent chest out, clearly pleased at having managed to read her fellow Adventurer like an open book.

"It is the safest, most effective method at clear out the Goblins," Undead Master pointed out defensively, "Elven fortresses are made out of wood, and the interior of such fortresses were designed to be dry even under after heavy rain. Given the fortress is in such a state of disrepair after being abandoned for so long, the wood must be dry as tinder. A combination of fire and gasoline should be able to clear out the Goblins without needing us to attack a fortified location."

Goblin Slayer's logic was sound. The Elven Fortress was, as the name suggested, a Fortress after all.

It was by its' very nature a very defensible location that put any attacker at a disadvantage. It was common knowledge in siege warfare that any attacker hoping to take down a fortress by conventional means needed to outnumber the defenders at least three to one. Five Adventurers trying to lay siege to a fortress manned by scores of Goblins was not a recipe for success.

However, if an unconventional approach could be used, one exploiting a flaw in the very materials that made up the fortress itself, would have solved the problem handsomely.

There was one issue with that, though.

"No Fire!" Banshee Elf Archer crossed her forearms before her in a gesture that fully conveyed her displeasure with the idea, "Did you forget how easily Skeleton Lizardman burns? Be barely managed to get away with it the last time, and now we have Zombie Priestess with us! I'm not losing party members to out of control fires, Orcbolg!"

"You are vulnerable to fire? I didn't think bones burned that well." Zombie Priestess asked Skeleton Lizardman out of concern, who simply gave her a comforting nod.

"No. Bones that are well cared for do not burn well," Skeleton Lizardman assured the younger adventurer, "It was my robes that burned, and that was where the problem was. In fact, my bones being fire resistant was what saved me from meeting my second death."

"I see." Zombie Priestess said. There was more to living as an Undead than just moving around, it seemed. How interesting!

"Still, I do not think that distinction matters very much to Banshee Elf Archer." Skeleton Lizardman turned back to where the argument between Undead Elf and her necromancer continued.

"If we launch arrows from a distance, we do not have to worry about the fires spreading to us. If necessary, we can move out of the way to avoid the flames," Undead Master insisted, "The alternative would be to assault the fortress directly. As we came here without my army, that would be a difficult proposition even if we seized the initiative."

"I would rather we have that 'difficult proposition' instead of having another incident like the Great Maple Forest," Banshee Elf Archer placed her hands on her hips, "Do you remember how angry the Maple Leaf Tribe were after we torched the whole place by accident?"

"I remember slaying the Goblins there." Undead Master replied.

"They formed a lynch mob, Orcbolg! A lynch mob!" Banshee Elf Archer stamped her foot angrily, "There were pitchforks and torches because we ruined the biggest tourist attraction they had! I have never been so afraid for my life, and this is even counting the situation where I died!"

"Ha! I remember you shrieking in terror at the top of your lungs as they chased us out of town," Hollow Dwarf bellowed with mirth, "If there were any doubt you were a Banshee before that, it would have fled after that musical performance."

"Shut it, tin can." Banshee Elf Archer grimaced, her pale face the color of crimson.

"We cleared the Goblins for them without any casualties," Undead Master stated. "However, it ended, the Goblin Slaying was successful."
"Skeleton Lizardman was running around on fire! He had to put himself out by diving into the Misty Lake!" Banshee Elf Archer reminded them.
"Not my finest moment, I will admit," Skeleton Lizardman said, "But as I said…"

"Bones that are not dry, do not burn well," Undead Master retorted.

"That is not the ever lov-" Banshee Elf Archer made a strangled sound that was somewhere between a cry, howl and a shriek in frustration, then folded her arms and glared at Undead Master with her two ruby eyes, "NO FIRE. THAT IS FINAL."

"…fine." Undead Master finally relented as he pushed himself off the floor. "The ritual circle is done. Bring the body."

Zombie Priestess found the grip on her staff tightening as she watched her compatriots relocate the swaddled corpse to the center of Undead Master's ritual circle. Her grip tightened further when Undead Master removed the body from the wrappings, allowing Zombie Priestess to see the full extent of the Goblin's maliciousness made manifest.

"How horrid." Zombie Priestess whimpered, feeling the urge to throw up at the sight that was before her. The body that lay in the middle of the room was so mutilated it looked less like a corpse and more of a slab of meat at the butcher. What had the Goblins done to this poor woman?
Zombie Priestess thought back to what happened to Fighter, and decided she did not want to know. But regardless of her own wishes on the matter, it appeared her party members had their own ideas.

"How are the final checks, Beard Cutter?" Hollow Dwarf enquired.

"Yes. I already felt her body was suitable for our needs, but it never hurts to check," Undead Master said dispassionately as he kneeled over the corpse and took it in with a clinical eye, "Vocal cords seem fine. Although the right eye is missing, the left is in good condition. Inner ears are adequate despite the damage to the exterior. Despite the damage to the epidermal layer, it seems her muscles and major organs are also good. The damage is far worse than we expected. It seems that the Goblins were especially vicious with her. Even so…"

He stood up and gave a satisfied nod.

"…this actually works to our advantage. We can bring her back."

"Good. It will be nice having a sixth member to our party, even if only for a while," Hollow Dwarf may not have a face, but there was a sharpness in his voice that gave Zombie Priestess a distinct impression he was grinning, "Still with damage like this, I would imagine that this lass would want some payback on those Goblins for sporting with her like this."

"Indeed. The wounds speak of an especially violent death." Undead Master said. "I can also sense lingering attachments of anger, resentment and humiliation. The Goblins singled her out."

"The Goblins took her life, and the life of her friends. Having her come back to take their lives is oddly poetic," Skeleton Lizardman concurred, "Perhaps if she is feeling a vengeful, this young lady might be willing to come back as more than just a Zombie?"

"You're talking about a Revenant," Banshee Elf Archer deduced with a large frown., "Not a bad idea… but if she turns out to be a Goblin obsessed maniac like Undead Master, I will be holding you responsible for putting the idea in Undead Master's head, Skeleton Lizardman!"

"Would that be such a bad thing?" Skeleton Lizardman answered with mirth.

"Agreed. It will be more expensive to do so, but I will try to bring her back as a Revenant instead of a Zombie," Undead Master nodded, withdrawing nine thumb sized jewels, which Zombie Priestess realized were actually soul gems, from one of his pouches, "If that is the plan, then I shall begin."
And then the ritual began.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Zombie Priestess had only heard stories of the arts of necromancy before.

The ultimate dark art that evil wizards all aspired to achieve, that trampled upon the sanctity of life by defiling the corpses of the dead. The Mother Superior had often told her about how this art was the antithesis of everything the Earth Mother stood for, and that the act of using the body of a deceased for their own purposes was the worst act of selfishness possible.

Yet, here she was. Not only was she a Zombie herself, but she was in the presence of a necromancer about to transform the already desecrated body of a poor young adventurer into one of the worst kinds of undead there was… a Revenant.

"Fill. Fill. Fill. Fill. Fill. Let each offering be emptied, the souls within as fuel to give life to this empty shell," Undead Master chanted evenly from outside the now glowing ritual circle he had drawn, "Let these offerings of flesh mend this body so that it may act out a will of vengeance. Let the blood of crows and an offering of wine be the lifeblood that will allow you to be retribution given form…"

Zombie Priestess watched in amazement as the soul stones arranged around the ritual circle flared brightly emptying their streams of essence into the body in the center of the room. Copious amounts of raw cow meat purchased from the villages market dissolved, muscles and sinew flowing like water towards the corpse. The bodies of five recently slaughtered crows, three casks of cheap wine, and one gourd of Dwarven fire whiskey, burst open, the liquids within doing the same.

Before Zombie Priestess very eyes, the mutilated body of the adventurer slowly knitted itself back together before her very eyes. Wounds closed and sealed, broken bones repaired itself and a once shattered body slowly returned to something that was unmistakably as a human female, albeit one that had skin as pale as snow despite the wine that now flowed through her veins.

"Huh, so Orcbolg can create Revenants after all," Banshee Elf Archer gave a low whistle in awe, "And my Elven brethren told me Revenants were only naturally occurring undead, not ones that a necromancer can forcefully create."

"The necromantic arts are formidable indeed," Hollow Dwarf rumbled, "Why did we have to use the wine though? That's a waste of good drink."
"Not enough crow blood, remember? Wine has always been a traditional substitute in rituals, so it's only natural we substitute it in." Banshee Elf Archer said.

"I know that! I was just complaining about it, pointy ears." Hollow Dwarf clarified, "And did we have to really have to use my Fire Wine? It is hard to come by out here on the frontier."

"the village only sold cheap wine. We need some quality stuff to appease the Gods too, you know!"

"It's like a miracle," Zombie Priestess said in amazement as she watched the broken body become whole again, "The Mother Superior told me true resurrection isn't possible, and yet…"

"It isn't," Skeleton Lizardman corrected the younger Adventurer, "Although Milord Undead Master may restore this woman's body and bring back her mind, she, like us, will not truly be alive."

"Aye. She would in fact be worse than us," Hollow Dwarf concurred sadly, "As a Revenant, this lass would only remain on this Earth so long as her lust for vengeance remains in her heart. Her every move will be focused on retribution against the ones who wronged her."

As it was explained to Zombie Priestess, the impermanence of the Revenant was what made the ritual that Undead Master now used to be much less expensive than the one that had revived her. The willingness of the soul to return to the mortal realm reduced the expense, but the use of the attachment to their violent deaths had a rather notable trade off. While the Revenant could theoretically last forever so long as her vengeance was incomplete, the second her lust for vengeance left her, her body would return to the grave.

"What existence she will have will be spent hunting the ones who wronged her. Every breath, every moment, will be thinking of Revenge and nothing else. The moment she stops, she will return to the embrace of death," Skeleton Lizardman said, "This a sad fate, but one that cannot be avoided."

"How horrible! It's like Undead Master is bringing her back just so we can have her kill Goblins for us," Zombie Priestess bit her lip sadly, "It's like we are using her to do our bidding, then discarding her when we don't need her anymore."

"Why do you think the necromantic arts are so despised?" Hollow Dwarf pointed out.

"This is true. But consider this, young Priestess," Skeleton Lizardman said, "If she does accept our call to be a Revenant, then her anger at her death must be so great that she is willing to return to extract her vengeance. What we are offering is not slavery, but a mutually beneficial agreement."
"It doesn't make it right though." Zombie Priestess whispered.

"Your body shall become a tool for justice against wrongdoers. Hate shall be with your sword, and Anger shall be your shield," Undead Master chanted, coming to the closing movements of the ritual, "Let the flame of Revenge light your heart once more. If you will submit to the will of Vengeance and this reason, then answer this call!"

The ritual circle flared an eerily purple color a final time, and the body's eyes snapped open as the Adventurer once known as Noble Knight took a deep breath. Milky white eyes, still the color of death, stared at the ceiling as her mouth opened and an unnatural, hate filled cry as power and life flooded her being. Zombie Priestess covered her ears with her hands and shut her eyes, thoroughly disturbed by the scene.

Noble Knight had returned from the grave, not as the heroic errant she once was, but as Lady Revenant… a being that only existed to extract her vengeance upon Goblins for ending her life.

"It is done," Undead Master nodded, "I have revived the Adventurer as a Revenant."

"Well done, Beard Cutter. Looks like you pulled it off after all." Hollow Dwarf praised.

"Although I studied the art under my Master, this is the first time I have had the opportunity to create a Revenant," Undead Master admitted albeit it with a hint of self-satisfaction, "It is good to know that the theory works in practice. This is good. Revenants are much more useful than the standard Zombies we have been using until now."

"Huh, that means you didn't think it would have worked?" Banshee Elf Archer arched an eyebrow, "What would you have done if it had failed?"
"Then, I would have revived her as a normal Zombie instead. It would not have taken long to do so with the ritual circle already set up," Undead Master noted offhandedly, "Now, shall we speak to-"

"Ohhhhhhhhhh… I feel… sick…"

A drunken moan came from the middle of the room, cutting off the conversation. Lady Revenant, having now returned to the world of the living, had rolled over to her side. The formerly dead corpse was making retching sounds while her quivering shoulders and bare chest heaved with exertion in a very particular way many adults understood.

"My head is pounding like an Ogre did a tap dance on it. What the hell did I drink last-Urk!" Lady Revenant promptly threw up on the ground, nothing but excess wine from the ritual spilling itself on the ground, "Oh, Supreme God have mercy, this is the-Urp!-worst!"

So trapped in the agony of her existence, Lady Revenant was completely oblivious to the fact five shocked Adventurers were watching her act so unseemly. Nor did she care, for at that moment her concern was on other matters, such as…

"I swore I would never-Urp!-touch alcohol again," Lady Revenant gurgled as she bushed herself to all fours, "I swore! So why am I-BLARG!?"
The Adventures, save the young an inexperienced Zombie Priestess, could only find their eyes widening as understanding on what was happening to the newly created Revenant came over them.

"Bead Cutter." Hollow Dwarf said. "This is not supposed to happen, is it?"

"No, it is not," Undead Master affirmed just as Lady Revenant continued to suffer her new existance, "This should not have happened. Could I have not used enough Soul stones? Maybe I had miscalculated the amount of wine needed in the ritual to substitute for crows blood, or… Oh."

"Oh?" Zombie Priestess, Hollow Dwarf and Skeleton Lizardman repeated incredulously.

"Oh? What is 'Oh' supposed to mean?" Banshee Elf Archer demanded, harms planted firmly on her hips as she glared at Undead Master, not dissimilarly to the way a teacher would regard a particularly truant student who had been caught doing something they were not supposed to.

"I just remembered. Master warned me not use Wine or Coffee in this particular ritual," Undead Master confessed, his normally stoic voice actually sounding embarrassed at the admission, "The strong emotions associated with the attachment needed to create the revenant, namely anger and hatred, reacts in very particular ways with alcohol and caffeine. I was advised to have used Geen Tea or Milk instead as substitutes instead."

"Particular ways. What sort of ways?" Banshee Elf Archer said.

"Heightened emotional states, occasional intoxicated behavior consistent with drunkenness, loss of concentration," Undead Master informed the angry Elf before him, "there are a variety of side effects I was advised to be aware of. In my defense, this is my first Revenant."

For a full fifteen seconds, the only sounds in the barn was the retching on Lady Revenant.

"We should hope that she is not an Angry Drunk?" Undead Master said.

"Well, I'll be. A drunk Revenant. Scholars from the magical academy would find this most interesting if they ever found out about this!" Hollow Dwarf stroked his non-existent beard.

"Orcbolg!" Banshee Elf Archer cracked her knuckles as she advanced on the necromancer.

"Copious application of water can temporarily alleviate the effects of intoxication by diluting the alcohol in her body," Undead Master rattled off quickly, shuffling back as the Banshee advanced on him, "While we will need to continue supplying her with water to counteract the effects, as her body will continue to revert to an intoxicated state, but we can make her sober. Temporarily."

As if to remind everyone that the situation had gone from creepy to absurd, Lady Revenant threw up yet again.

"Uh, I'd better go give her a bucket so she doesn't keep making a mess of the floor," Zombie Priestess rushed over to pick up one of the wooden buckets that had been idle in the corner of the barn and brought it over to kneeled over Lady Revenant, "Here you go! Throw up into this!"

"T-Thank-Urp-You."

Lady Revenant offhandedly accepted the bucket and was about heave yet again when she paused. Slowly, almost mechanically, Lady Revenant turned her head to the side to look at Zombie Priestess.

"Er, hello?" Zombie Priestess greeted with a bashful smile.

"Who're You? Where is this?" Lady Revenant slurred, before the newly animated Undead seemed to notice the other four Adventurers in her peripheral vision. Two armored men of different heights, one pale skinned High Elf, and a towering veiled giant of a lizardman, all stared at Lady Revenant with varying looks of pity. "Wha-Who are you people?"

And then the coldness on her skin informed Lady Revenant of another pertinent fact. Her milky white eyes darted down to her body, and suddenly the hangover was the farthest thing from Lady Revenant's mind. She didn't even care her skin was a paler shade than usual, for the fact of the matter was that Lady Revenant had one huge problem.

"W-W-WHY AM I NAKED!?"

Coupled with the fact she had already seen three males in the empty barn with her…

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~!"

And just like that, Lady Revenant went from 'hangover' to 'stone cold sober' in no time flat.

"Huh, looks like water isn't the only thing that can sober the lass up." Hollow Dwarf quipped to Skeleton Archer as the pair watched a panicking Zombie Priestess run all over the barn gathering together what rags she could fine to cover up the distraught Lady Revenant, while Banshee Elf Archer had seizes Undead Master by the sides of his helmet and was shaking him wildly while screeching loudly at the top of her lungs. "Never a boring moment with this party."

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

"So… I died," Lady Revenant, now dressed in rags that Zombie Priestess had found for her, sat on a small stool the party had pulled up for her, a large bottle of fresh water that she periodically drank from to keep herself sober cradled in her hands, "I… I remember now. My friends and I went in to Slay the Goblins and were instead ambushed ourselves."

Although it did take them some time, the party did eventually manage to calm down.

Water had been quickly procured for Lady Revenant to dilute the alcohol that now flowed through her body as blood, keeping her mind sober and saving away the intoxication that came from her magical blood. Much to the surprise of the spellcasters in the group, and totally against the laws of understood science, the water in her body evaporated quickly while the magically imbued alcohol in the Revenant's body stayed… almost like it belonged there.

It appeared that Undead Master that stumbled upon a magical curiosity entirely by accident.

Unfortunately, while many magical scholars would no doubt have been intrigued by this strange anomaly, Undead Master's only concern was that fact the alcohol in Lady Revenant's system could hinder her ability to hunt Goblins. Drunk Adventurers in the field were prone to mistakes that sober Adventurers would not, and mistakes in made in the presence of Goblins were not ones that were easily made up for. What a problem, indeed.

"Village Elder told us it has been some days since your party departed for the fortress, and it was only this morning that your body was found floating down the river," Skeleton Lizardman explained, "It am sorry, but I do not think the chances of finding any survivors among your friends are good."

"No, no. My friends are dead. I saw it all happen with my own eyes. Those m-monsters used my friends as playthings, toys for their own amusement," Lady Revenant's fingers curled around the bottle painfully, "Even though I begged them to take it all out on me instead…"

The members of the party, sans Undead Master, shared concerned and dismayed looks with each other as they heard those words. They had already known that the demise of the Adventurers that had assaulted the Goblins before them had been high, but Lady Revenant's words had confirmed it. Worse still, it appeared that all those poor Adventurers had not gone easily into death's embrace.

"It is unfortunate what happened," Undead Master said, "but that is a risk whenever Goblins are involved. Taking them lightly is a mistake that will always cost lives."

"Under Master, Sir!" Zombie Priestess said, aghast at the necromancer's lack of tact. "She is mourning the death of her friends!"

"But I speak the truth, and wish to impress upon Lady Revenant of the reason we need her help," Undead Master insisted firmly, "Of the Adventurers here, she is the only one who has seen the inside of the Goblin Fortress. Any information she can provide will be invaluable to our cause."

"Yes, I understand. You brought me back as a Revenant to help you kill the Goblins," Lady Revenant nodded, not offended by Undead Master's brusqueness at all, "You want to know as much as you can when you hunt the Goblins yourselves, so as to avoid making the same mistakes I did."
"That is the general idea." Undead Master confirmed.

"You know, I should be upset that you would use my corpse like this," Lady Revenant gave a short laugh that hinted of distress and anguish, "As a worshipper of the Supreme God and the daughter of a family of Knights spanning generations I should absolutely hate the idea my body would be defiled after my death like this."

"Is that so?" Undead Master tilted his head.

"But you know what?" Lady Revenant took another gulp from the bottle of water, before setting it down at her side. She took a moment to get herself centered, before looking up to face the party. Vengeance burned in her milky white eyes, and her lips set into a grim line that spoke of frim determination. "I don't give a damn anymore. Those Goblins need to die."

The glowing red eye burned once more from within Undead Master's helm. It seemed he approved.

"While I was… a prisoner … I noticed the wood in that made up the interior of the fortress seemed very dry. Dry like tinder," Lady Revenant put forward before any of the party members could start questioning her, "I was too weak to try at the time, Do you think it would be possible to bur-"

"NO FIRE!" Banshee Elf Archer jumped up from her own seat, arms crossed in front of her chest in a gesture that pretty much meant 'No'.

"What the…?" Lady Revenant jerked back in surprise.

"NO FIRE, means NO. FIRE. It is literally the first thing at top of The List," Banshee Elf Archer repeated firmly, "For God's sake, woman! I spend enough time trying to talk Orcbolg here from setting fire to everything, and you go suggesting it to him just after I managed to talk him out of it!"

"Oh bother, here we go." Hollow Dwarf sighed resignedly, earning an amused grunt from Skeleton Lizardman beside him. The pair quickly took a few steps back to put themselves out of the way of the impending argument. Zombie Priestess, having watched the exchange, suddenly realized that something very bad was about to happen.

"It appears that my earlier suggestion about setting the Elven Fortress on fire had merit, especially since Lady Revenant has confirmed the interior of the Fortress is flammable" Undead Master said, "Perhaps we should reconsider…"

"NO." Banshee Elf Archer stated steadfastly.

"Wait, so you people thought of burning the Elven Fortress down before?" Lady Revenant rose from where she was sitting, her eyes widening in realization that an easily solution to the Goblin problem, and getting her Revenge, was so readily available, "Well, do it then! Burn the monsters!"

"Are you out of your mind?" Banshee Elf Archer whirled to face lady Revenant "Your blood is literally alcohol now, totally flammable! And you want to use fire against the Goblins?"

"Those monsters tired by friend to a post and burned her to death! I remember her screams as she was turned into an inferno," Lady Revenant declared angrily as she bared her fangs at the Elf, "If it means sending those Goblins to hell, I will be happy to burn with them!"

Although Zombie Priestess had been unsure before due to the absurdity of Lady Revenant's drunken state, it was now, seeing the venom and viciousness that the reanimated Adventurer now wore proudly, that Zombie Priestess was sure that Undead Master had managed to create a Revenant.

"Not if it means setting fire to the rest of us," Banshee Elf Archer jabbed a finger into Lady Revenant's bosom, "And you won't just catch on fire, you know. Your whole body is filled with alcohol. What if you explode and catch us all in the blast?"

"Acceptable losses. Collateral damage," Lady Revenant snarled as she grabbed the Elf's hand and twisted it away from her body, "Those monsters need to pay for what they did to me, and I will make sure they do. If you get in my way, I will treat you the same way."

"Acceptable losses? Is that what you think? What if there are hostages still alive in there?" Banshee Elf Archer snapped as she wrenched her hand out of the Revenant's grasp.

"Most of the women I was trapped with are already dead or dying by the time I died myself," Lady Revenant retorted angrily, not noticing that Zombie Priestess had taken keen interest upon hearing that tidbit of information, "Besides even if there were anyone still alive up there, better to die with dignity then to live and suffer at the hands of the Goblins!"

"What the hell? I thought you were a Knight! We brought you back to get your justice for your death, and this is the thanks we get?"

"HE brought me back, not YOU!" Lady Revenant jabbed a thumb in Undead Master's direction to emphasize her point, "I was brought back as a Revenant. What did you expect? Forget justice, I just want the Goblins to die! Get behind me in Slaying the Goblins, or stay out of my way, Elf!"

"Not if saying behind you means getting caught in the explosion who your plan blows up in your face when you start playing with FIRE." Banshee Elf Archer shrieked, her ethereal voice that betrayed her Undead nature now starting to echo painfully to all those listening.

"If I may…" Undead Master raised a hand.

"STAY OUT OF THIS!" Lady Revenant and Banshee Elf Archer barked, milky white eyes and glowing ruby red orbs glaring angrily at the man who dared intercede in their argument.

The glowing red eye within Undead Master's darkened helmet… went out in an instant.

"Okay. Don't mind me." Undead Master dropped his hand back down and let the two ladies get back to what they were doing. Even Undead Master had his limits, it seemed. He killed Goblins. Getting in between to arguing ladies was well beyond his expertise.

"We need to burn them! I must have my Revenge! Goblins must burn!" Lady Revenant bellowed.

"No! Fire is Bad! That's why it is on The List!" Banshee Elf Archer held fast.

The two Undead femme fatales smacked their foreheads against each other in a show of dominance, their teeth grinding inside their respective mouths out of sheer frustration. It seemed that they were moments away from just throwing caution to the wind and fighting each other then and there, when an unexpected savior stepped in.

"M-Maybe it would be better if you killed them all in person?"

Lady Revenant and Banshee Elf Archer's heads snapped towards Zombie Priestess, who gave a small 'eep' at suddenly having their undivided attentions. Still, despite her nervousness, the young undead Priestess gathered what courage she had, made a silent prayer to the Earth Mother, and dove in.

"If… if we set fire to the Elven Fortress, some of them might e-escape in the chaos," Zombie Priestess reasoned, hoping her logic made sense to the Revenant, "And even if they didn't, wouldn't it be better to k-k-kill the Goblins in close combat so that you can confirm their deaths yourself?"

"I don't know. Fire would still be more effective," Lady Revenant pulled away from Banshee Elf Archer and rested her hand against her chin thoughtfully. Although she didn't seem wholly convinced yet, her actions made it clear that, at very least, she was considering Zombie Priestess' words, "All I want is for the Goblins to end up dead. I don't particularly care how they die."

Zombie Priestess had to convince her. She had to stop them from burning the whole fortress indiscriminately. No matter what Zombie Priestess had to say she had to convince Lady Revenant. Oh, Earth Mother, she wouldn't believe she was about to say what she was about to say…

"B-But what about making them… suffer," Zombie Priestess proposed, doing her best to keep the waver out of voice, "I-I saw what they did to your body. It looks like they p-pput you through a lot. I-I'm willing to bet they put your friends through a lot too."

"They did," Lady Revenant said evenly, fury burning in her eyes, "They tied Rhea Ranger to a post and used her as target practice, and did things to Human Monk you cannot even imagine. And I already told you what happened to Elf Wizard."

"T-Then you know it isn't going to be fair to your other friends if the Goblins just burned, right?" Zombie Priestess noted scrambling to form a convincing argument, "You have to… you have make the Goblins pay. Each and every one of them. Hunt them down one at a time and let them know it was you who are the one who sent them to their deaths."

"Yes… yes, I see your point." Lady Revenant nodded slowly, having come around to Zombie Priestess' point of view.

"You did it. You brought her around," Banshee Elf Archer whirled around to Zombie Priestess, a huge smile across her features, "I don't know how, but you did it! Good job, Priestess!"

"Eh, heh!" Zombie Priestess rubbed the back of her head abashedly with her free hand. Truthfully, she was just winging it the whole time, so what she had done was entirely an acci-

"I must kill all the Goblins."

Uh, oh.

"They must see that it was me. I will run my sword through each and every one of their black little hearts and look into their eyes as the life fades from their bodies. They will know that was I, the woman they humiliated and defiled, was the one to slay them."

All the other Adventurers, save of course Undead Master, took a step back out of fright. Undead Master, in contrast, leaned forward in interest. Extreme interest.

"Er, Zombie Priestess? Was this part of your plan?" Banshee Elf Archer asked.

"No, no it wasn't?" Zombie Priestess bit her lip worriedly. What was happening?

"But why stop with these Goblins?" A sinister smile spread across Lady Revenant's face. Zombie Priestess' words, and the fact she hadn't had a drink for about ten minutes and was probably a bit intoxicated again, allowed her to reach an epiphany "These Goblins are just one of many bands, going around spreading their terror across the land. My story is just one of many… and so y Revenge will not be complete until all the Goblins are dead."

"Yes. The Goblins must die." Undead Master said, the glow in his eye returning stronger than ever.

"I must slay the Goblins. I must slay ALL the Goblins, with my own blade. Only then will my Vengeance be sated." Lady Revenant's smile now was so wide, teeth were showing.

It was not a good look.

"We will slay the Goblins." Undead Master said.

"Yes, we will slay ALL the Goblins." Lady Revenant concurred.

The glow in Undead Master's eye intensified, and somehow reflected off the milky white surface of Lady Revenant's eyes making it appear her eyes were glowing too.

A new Goblin Slayer was born.

"Oh my word, there are two of them." Skeleton Lizardman said, his jaw hanging open.

"Aye, that be true." Hollow Dwarf concurred.
"Zombie Priestess, what have you done? You have created a monster." Banshee Elf Archer whispered in horror, unable to tear her eyes from the sight at the two Goblin Slayers before her.

Zombie Priestess could only turn her eyes skyward, and wonder how her bumbled attempts at convincing Lady Revenant NOT to slay the Goblins with fire could have could have led to this conclusion.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

"Wait, so you guys are all Undead?" Lady Revenant gasped in surprise as the party, now increased to a half dozen in size, proceeded through the countryside towards their destination.

They proceeded at a leisurely but measured pace, aiming to arrive at the Elven Fort just as the sky turned to twilight. Until then, the six Adventurers, their preparations completed, busied themselves with small talk as they attempted to grow more accustomed to their newest member's company.
And it seemed the latest topic of discussion happened to be the fact Lady Revenant hadn't realized the majority of the Goblin Slayers did not have a pulse.

"You didn't know? It's been hours now, and you didn't notice it at all?" Banshee Elf Archer said with no small amount of surprise.

"No, I really didn't. I mean you skin is very pale, and your hair is snow white, but other than that you look like just a very pale Elf." Lady Revenant maintained.

"It has probably got to do with the fact we haven't gotten out of disguises." Zombie Priestess deduced, pointing to the fact the makeup that allowed her to pass as a living human was still in place, "Your makeup is on as well, Banshee Elf Archer. It seems like we forgot to take them off."

"Removal of our disguises was not a priority considering all the other essential preparation we needed to do," Skeleton Lizardman noted, now reaching up to pull the ceremonial veil off his head to reveal the skeleton that lay beneath, "We should regard this as a good thing. If Milady Revenant could not discern our true natures, it is another test passed that proves our disguises are effective."

"That's true." Hollow Dwarf raised a hand to the mask that concealed the gaps in his face plate, "Do you suppose we should take them off now?"

"I would rather we didn't," Zombie Priestess said thoughtfully, "In the event we discover survivors in the Goblin nest, we would be able to calm them down easier if we appeared to be living Adventurers instead of what we really are. This should make rescue much easier."

"There won't be any survivors. I thought I told you that most of the women I was trapped with were already dead or dying." Lady Revenant pointed out sharply.

"Most. Not all. And dying does not necessarily mean 'dead'," Zombie Priestess contested with an understanding smile, "While I only have 'Minor Heal' and 'Holy Light' as my two spells because I am only a beginner, I do think we owe it to anyone still alive in there to try and save them."

The whole party stared at Zombie Priestess in amazement at her reasoning.

"Wow, that was sharp of ye, lass." Hollow Dwarf noted, giving an impressed whistle.

"Only two spells?" Lady Revenant asked cautiously.

"Well, I've only been on one other quest before this so… er… were any of the other hostages still alive in your last memories, no matter how close to death they were?" Zombie Priestess asked quickly, hoping to distract from her accidental admission of her inexperience.

If only Zombie Priestess could have had more time and experience, then perhaps she could have had an additional miracle to make herself more useful… like Protection, perhaps?

"…there were two," Lady Revenant conceded after some thought, "As the Goblins were taking out their frustrations on our party, they didn't abuse the last few living captives they had. Last I remembered, they were being used purely as 'breeding stock' while my friends and I were the Goblin's 'playthings'."

"I see." Zombie Priestess noted.

"I wouldn't put much chance on their survival, though," Lady Revenant growled, "After my death, those girls would have been the only captives the Goblins had left. They would receive the full brunt of the Goblins viciousness. I don't think they would last long."

"That depends." Undead Master's unexpected intercession was unexpected, and caused the entire party to take notice, "From what you told us, your party felled a fair number of Goblins. The Goblins may be looking to replenish their numbers. If the two girls are still able to bear children, the Goblins would not be able to afford losing them to frivolous games."

"I-I see. So this means they may be alive then." Lady Revenant's eyes flitted to the side in shame at having written off those women so easily. She had once been a Knight, and had lost her life attempting to save those same women mere days ago.

"But you are correct in that they may also be dead. Few captives have the will to live this long. Had it not been for your information, I would have believed them to be dead as well and acted accordingly," Under Master expounded calmly, "The equipment we gave you. Can you use it?"

"I can. This blade isn't what I am used to, but I can use it." Lady Revenant raised the scimitar that had once belonged to an Bandit, and had since been gifted to her, for emphasis.

She also wore ill-fitting leather armor that was tight on all the wrong places and lose in the others, that had apparently once belonged to Undead Master in his early days. Although the spare equipment wasn't much, at very least it allowed her to get back into the field. There was one item she was not entirely sure of though.

"This helmet you gave me. I am not sure it is suitable for field work." Lady Revenant rapped the side of the oddly shaped headgear that had been provided to her, a look of consternation on her face.

"Even if you are a Revenant now, having head protection is a good precaution to take," Undead Master replied, "If anything, we should be thankful we had such an item on hand that was so uniquely suited for your specific needs."

"it looks pretty good on you, too!" Banshee Elf Archer sniggered, with Hollow Dwarf joining as well.

"I'm not so sure about this, Undead Master," Lady Revenant muttered, "Where did you even find it anyway? Who invented this?"

"I am told it was invented by dwarven miners who wished to have both head protection and a quick access to hydration. The main helmet protects against objects from above, and the bottles on either side of the helm provide quick access to the liquids contained within from the two straws positioned near your mouth," Undead Master informed the skeptical Revenant.

"Trust the dwarves to come up with something as ridiculous as this." Banshee Elf Archer laughed.

"Come now, Pointy Ears. I'll have you know many a Dwarven miner swears by that thing." Hollow Dwarf said defensively. "Honestly, quick access to ale in the middle of a mine has stopped many a Dwarven riot. You should give Dwarf engineering more credit!"

"I had purchased the item with the intent to see if the bottles could provide healing potion, but decided the arrangement was not cost effective after some experiments," Undead Master continued, heedless of his comrades bickering, "However, given your need for a constant supply of fresh water to keep your blood alcohol level in acceptable levels, I retrieved it from storage. It has worked to stave off your intoxication thus far, has it not?"

"I guess you have a point," Lady Revenant sighed, taking a sip of fresh water from the straws positioned just before her mouth, "But does it have to look so unseemly? This looks ridiculous."

"The Goblins will care not for our appearances when we do battle. Speaking of which, I see the fortress." Undead Master stopped walking and pointed to the distance.

The old Elven Fortress, a massive structure seemingly carved into an ancient, gargantuan tree, loomed at the crest of a large hill in the distance.
The structure, once a bastion of goodness that protected the oldest civilizations in the known world, had stood at the top of that hill for millennia. It was a piece of history, that had since been invaded by the accursed Goblins who now used it for their own nefarious ends. This was what the Goblin Slayers had to clear out, a task that would not be easy by any stretch of the imagination.

"Just to be clear, no fire. We all agreed on this, remember?" Banshee Elf Archer quickly reminded the party before any one of them would beat her to the punch.

"You are very insistent on that aren't you, Banshee Elf Archer?" Zombie Priestess giggled, finding the Elven woman's stubborn insistence on the fact to be very amusing.

"Give him an inch, and watch what happens," Banshee Elf Archer stated bluntly, "No fire."

"No fire." Undead Master agreed.

"So, Undead Master, how do we want to do this?" Hollow Dwarf asked thoughtfully, "Lady Revenant's firsthand account aside, a cursory glance of the Fortress from here tells me attacking it head on will be a foolhardy proposition."

"I do believe Master Dwarf is correct," Lizardman Shaman concurred, "The position of the Fortress gives the Goblins the high ground, and the high walls will prevent us from scaling it easily."

"Sneaking in would have been my suggestion, but that was what my party did before. As you can tell, all it did was put us in a position where my party was surrounded and overwhelmed," Lady Revenant sighed and hung her head sadly, "The reason why I suggested a fire attack was because a conventional assault does not seem feasible anymore, not when the Goblins are on guard."

Zombie Priestess listened to the three experienced Adventurers and realized that they were all correct. The Elven Fortress' advantageous position and formidable defenses gave the Goblins all the advantages. Any direct siege would be foolhardy. Any attempt to sneak in would be extremely risky.

It seemed that no conventional strategy would work.

However, as Zombie Priestess was slowly coming to realize, Undead Master was anything but conventional.

"We cannot attack it head on. We cannot sneak in. We cannot use fire," Undead Master nodded, "Challenging the Goblins in a matter that allowed them to dictate the terms of the engagement would have been foolish anyway. Very well. Let us create a scenario that will give us the advantage."

"And how do you plan to do that," Lady Revenant threw out her arms in frustration, "They're practically unassailable inside that fort!"

"By making them come out of it, of course." Undead Master replied.

With that, the necromancer then reached into the bag of holding that was his back pouch…

…and pulled out a banjo.

"What." Lady Revenant and Zombie Priestess said simultaneously.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Goblin Watchman gave a loud yawn, weary and frustrated after his ungrateful compatriots had left him out in the hot sun for the better part of the day. The sun had been almost unbearably hot, so much so Goblin Watchman dearly wished he could reach up and swat the annoying ball of heat and light from the sky. The moons were many times prettier than that accused thing anyway.

Crewing on the bone that once belonged to that pointy eared Adventurer that they had set ablaze, Goblin Watchman silently counted down the time before his replacement shift could come along. That lazy bum was never on time, and Goblin Watchman had things to do that were being delayed because of that idiot. It was supposed to be his turn with one of the captives, a brown-haired young thing that still shrieked and squealed even after she had been with them for such a long time now. What fun!

Most captives sort of shut down and became unresponsive after a few weeks of captivity, but this one… oh, he was going to have so much fun tonight!

Well, not as much fun as he had with the last Adventurer though. Goblin Watchman had many fond memories of his time with her. Although there was something fun about a victim who reacted, the Adventurer's deadened eyes and cracked sobs as he and his compatriots broke her body and soul was something he would treasure for the rest of his days.

"Gob?" Goblin Watchman's sickening thoughts were interrupted when a strange sound echoed through the air. The sound of banjo playing a simple tune cut through the silent night like a knife through butter. In fact, the music was so loud, a smarter being would have realized some kind of magical enchantment to amplify the noise must have been involved to achieve that level of noise.

However, Goblin Watchman was not a smarter being, so he didn't question why the noise was there, and only accepted the fact that it was.
"Gob? Gob!" He grunted in confusion, annoyed and upset that he had been confronted with something he did not understand. He was not the only Goblin there that had that line of thought.

"Gob, Gob, Gob?" Said Goblins who had been sleeping that had been awoken by the noise.

"Gob, Gob, Gob!" Said Goblins that had been awake, and would now stay awake, because it.

Dozens of Goblins, all summoned by the music, soon joined Gobin Watchman on the battlements as they tried to understand where this strange cacophony was coming from. The Goblins looked out at the surrounding countryside from the safety of their Fortress, and before long they found it.

"Gob! Gob? GOB!" The Goblins laughed as they found the source of their woes.

A long human in a full set of grungy armor was sitting by a lit campsite and strumming away on his banjo like a complete idiot. Just one lone human traveler, out alone in the middle of the night, looking like he didn't have a care in the world. Ripe for the pickings for a Goblin horde that numbered his thirty-six to one. Goblin Watchman was so sure this man was a buffoon he was even willing to bet the moron wasn't even armed!

Alas, he just out of arrow and slingshot range. Although the Goblins could see him, not even Goblin Watchman, who believed himself to be the best archer in the mob, would hit the human from this range. Just as well though, since it later occurred to the Goblins that granting this fool a quick death would have been short sighted.

Since the death of the last Adventurer, they had been at a shortage of playthings. Their numbers having been decimated by the Adventurers and having already lost most of their captives to carelessly rough use, the Goblins could not risk being too forceful on the two females they had left. Had to build their numbers back up to at least four score if they wanted to raid the village itself, after all! This had left the Goblins bored, and wanting a new captive to vent their anger out on.

This man may just be the thing they were looking for!

"GOB, GOB! GOB!!!" Came the call to arms, as the Goblins organized a raiding party.

Goblins were not very smart, and they weren't fools either… but at the end of the day they were also one more thing: overconfident.

Leaving behind a third of their forces to guard their captives, who were no doubt quite pleased with the fact they could now spend extra time with the women, Goblin Watchman accompanied a twenty Goblin raiding party out into the wilderness to secure their little toy.

"GOB!" Goblin Watchman, leading the pack, demanded when he and his fellows arrived at the campsite. The Goblins had encircled the foolish man completely, cutting off every avenue of escape while the dimwitted man was clearly not playing attention. Now the man would pay for his inattentiveness with his life.

"Gob! Gob, Gob, Gob~!" Goblin Watcher demanded the man stand down and surrender again, threatening the man with bodily harm if he continued to ignore the Goblins. The lack of acknowledgement infuriated the horde.

With a single nod from Goblin Watchman, the Gobins closed in to make good on their threat.

Twenty goblins advanced on the foolish traveler as he continued to strum away on his banjo. Twenty goblins, armed to the teeth and filled with bloodlust, impatient to hear this man's screams of despair8 as they tore him limb from limb for their own amusement.

Twenty Goblins, who had signed their own death warrants by coming here.

"Fools." The man said as he stopped strumming his banjo.

"HOLY LIGHT!" A young voice cried out from somewhere unseen, suddenly bathing the whole area in a brilliant light that caused the surprised Goblins to temporally lose their vision.

"GOB!" Goblin Watchman, cursing the fact that the disgusting, deceitful human had actually bait the stones to lead the Goblins into an ambush, had the good sense to throw himself to the ground. Though his eyes were still blinded by whatever had caused him to lose his sight, he could hear his fellows getting slaughtered.

"…Six, Seven, Eight…"

When his vision came to, Goblin Watchman could not believe his eyes.

Unnaturally fast arrows curved through the air, guided by some unseen force to homing in Goblin necks and eyes with near perfect lethality. Two Skeleton Warriors rending Goblin Bodies asunder with tooth and claw, leaving trails of blood in their wake. A pale, and vaguely familiar, swordswoman wielding a Scimitar, laughing like she was mad as she plunged be blade into the heart of a Goblin repeatedly, not caring a single strike would have done the job…

…and the traveler, standing in the middle of all this carnage, bludgeoning Goblins to death with his Banjo. The man held the instrument by its' fretboard, swinging the Banjo in wide arcs so that the head and bracket would make violent contact with the skulls of every Goblin he could reach. When the Banjo finally cracked in half from the abuse, the man simply reached over to pick up the dropped weapon of his latest victim, which happened to be a pair of garden shears, and continued disemboweling every Goblin he could find.

The glowing red eye within the confines of the man's helmet, so sinister and unnatural that it filled Goblin Watchman with existential dread, burned like the spirit of vengeance made manifest.

Well, that tears it. Time to get the hell out.

"GOB! GOB! GOB!" Goblin Watchman, having managed to survive the carnage by virtue of having been below eye level, scrambled away from the campsite on all fours as fast as he could manage.

"…Thirteen… Fourteen… Fifteen…"

His fellows were dying at the hands of these blood crazed maniacs, but Goblin Watchman didn't care. The other Goblins would cover his escape! He would return to the fortress where the other Goblins were, where they would be safe from these monsters. As long as Goblin Watchman survived, he could start over! Rebuild, and be strong-

Something seized Goblin Watcher by the back of his neck and lifted him into the air.

"And where do you think you're going?" A familiar feminine voice sang as Goblin Watchman kicked and struggled in the air, but was unable to break free from the in the supernaturally strong grip.

"Gob~! Gob~! Gob~!" Goblin Watchman pleaded for his life. Pleaded for mercy. Promised whatever she was angry at him for, he would never do it again. Said everything he would think of to get her to spare his life, even when he didn't mean any of it.

Then, in a fairly impressive display of dexterity, Goblin Watchman's captor spun him around in her hand so he could see her face to face.
For the second time that day, Goblin Watchman could not believe his eyes.

"Hello again," The face of a dead woman, who for some reason was wearing a most particularly looking hat, sneered at Goblin Watchman, "Remember me?"

He did.

Oh.

Crap.

So much for Mercy.

Not even bothering to reach for her sword, Lady Revenant raised her bare hand and plunged it into Goblin Watcher's chest to rip out his cold black heart, making sure he screamed all the while…

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

"…Twenty . We have slain these Goblins." Undead Master surmised.

Dropping the now dented garden sears, Undead Master picked up a dropped short spear that had belonged one of the now deceased Goblins and began to inspect it. "We have done well."

"Yes, we have," Lady Revenant agreed, dropping the now lifeless body of Goblin Watchman from her hands like yesterdays garbage. "I… I didn't expect to be so strong, tough. Not that I don't appreciate it, or anything, And my anger… my fury… I've never fought like that before…"

"Revenants are fueled by vengeance. That was in your nature," Undead Master explained, carefully depositing the spear into his back pouch and moving on to inspect a dropped club, "When confronted with the object of your Revenge, you will single-mindedly pursue your target."

"It was like I was a whole different person."

"You are Undead now. Some changes are to be expected… even to your personality," Undead Master turned to look at Lady Revenant questioningly, "Does this scare you?"

"…No. No it does not," Lady Revenant admitted aloud, to both Undead Master and to herself, "It felt good. Like I was reveling in the bloodshed. Like it was what I was meant to do."

"Is that so?" Undead Master mused.

While the two Adventurers conversed, the other four members of the party watched this exchange from the sidelines in complete, utter silence. Their eyes wide, and their faces in varying expressions of horror and dread. Then Banshee Elf Archer spoke.

"It is wrong to be thankful that my heart isn't beating anymore so I won't get a heart attack from knowing there are now two of them?" She asked her colleagues.

"Nope." They replied in unison.

"Oh. Oh good." Banshee Elf Archer said, reassured she the others were all on the same page.

Undead Master turned to the group, red eye blazing like the crimson moon in the night sky.

"There are still Goblins remaining in the Fortress," Undead Master said with an edge to his voice that sent shivers down the spines of the other party members, "We have dealt with the main force, so what remains should be considerably less dangerous. Are you ready to continue?"

"Er, yes." Skeleton Lizardman managed to reply on behalf of his still shaken colleagues. "We will follow after you, Milord Undead Master."

"And you?" Undead Master asked Lady Revenant.

"More than ready." Lady Revenant replied.

"Good." Undead Master turned towards the silhouette of the Elven Fortress, now shrouded in darkness after the sun had set. "Let us go Slay the remaining Goblins."

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

"…so, I assume that following the ambush the rest of the sweep was much easier?" Guild Girl nodded from behind the reception desk.

"Yes, that is correct," Undead Master said from where she stood at the head of the party who had just returned from the Adventure, now five in number again after parting ways with Lady Revenant, "After we disposed of the main Goblin force, the remaining Goblins within the Fortress were no challenge. We disposed of them easily."

After all, the most dangerous thing about Goblins was the fact there was always more of them than there were Adventurers. Killing one or two Goblins was something even an untrained villager could do. However, when the odds were five to one, the advantage would lay with the Goblins.

Fortunately, the Goblin Slayers' ambush had wiped out that advantage. Twenty dead Goblins had been massacred in that one battle. Only ten frightened Goblins, who had watched their fellows getting torn to shreds from the battlements of the Fortress, remained to face the six Adventurers. Goblins may have been arrogant, malicious little fiends, but the sight of the carnage had awakened their instincts of self-preservation.
Instead of standing to fight, the Goblins showed their true nature as cowards and ran. The challenge then hadn't been to assault the Fortress, but to run the Goblins down before they had all fled into the night and escape to fight another day as Wanderers. Fortunately, Undead night vision was very handy in that regard.

There were no Goblin survivors.

"Thirty Goblins were exterminated, and Skeleton Lizardman's divination confirmed that we slew them all," Undead Master concluded, "We then ventured into the fortress. Two survivors."

"I see. It is good to see that someone was able to survive." Guild Girl lowered her eyes sadly, knowing that while those two women may have kept their lives, their ordeal would have been far from over. Indeed, many would say it was only beginning.

"Zombie Priestess was responsible for their rescue, and deserves full credit for it," Undead Master stated, causing the young Zombie by his side to jump slightly in surprise, "I would recommend the Guild put a commendation on her records for that, if possible."

"C-Commendation? M-Me?! Zombie Priestess stammered uncomprehendingly, unable to understand why the rest of the members of her new party were looking upon her proudly, "But what did I do? I just cast Holy Light once and Minor Heal on each captive. Skeleton Lizardman was the one who did most of the healing! The rest of you did more work than I did!"

"Don't sell yourself short, Lass," Hollow Dwarf chortled and gave Zombie Priestess a hearty pat on her shoulder, "If it hadn't been for you talking Bead Cutter and Lady Revenant out of torching the whole place, we never would have gotten a chance to save the captives."

"The ambush would also have been much less successful without your Holy Light," Skeleton Lizardman added sagely, "And the healing arts are only one aspect of saving another persons' life. The survival of those two women were more your doing than mine, child."

"Hey, just so you know we all talked it over together, and we all decided you earned it," Banshee Elf Archer beamed while giving the timid young Adventurer a big hug, "You did good in that Adventure. We literally couldn't have done it without you!"

"You did very well." Undead Master concurred.

Although she was dead and her heart wasn't actually beating anymore, Zombie Priestess felt like her heart was about to burst from the encouraging words she had received from the rest of her party.

"It seems like you had a good Adventure, didn't you?" Guild Girl smiled warmly at Zombie Priestess, "Most starting Adventurers would not have been able to achieve so much on their second mission, or such high praise from a party of Silvers. Good job!"

Zombie Priestess found moisture pooling in the corners of her eyes, unable to believe the feelings that were rushing through her whole body.
"Zombie Priestess. While we still have a long road ahead together, take comfort in one thing," Undead Master stated with absolute certainty, "You are now an Adventurer. Never forget that."

Was this… was this what completing an Adventure felt like?

"And I guess that concludes your field report and confirms the completion of your quest," Guild Girl noted as she produced a bag of coin out from under the desk and set it down before the party, "Here is your payment for the successful completion of the Quest. I will also make sure this young lady receives that commendation on her guild records."

"Thank you." Undead Master answered as he picked the bag off the table and handed it to Skeleton Lizardman for safekeeping.

"There is one outstanding matter, however," Guild Girl said before the party could turn to leave, "As I understand it, you revived one of the deceased Steel Ranked Adventurers that had undertaken the mission before you as a Revenant?"

The Undead members of the party froze in place, eyes widening as they heard the words they had been expecting but dreading to hear. They had known this moment was coming ever since they had begun their trip back, but now that it was upon them the three veterans and one novice wished they were anywhere but where they were at that moment.

Completely ignorant of their distress, Undead Master turned back to regard Guild Girl.

"Yes, I did," Undead Master said, seemingly unconcerned about the unusual nature of what was being discussed, "The adventurer in question was Noble Knight, a Steel Ranked adventurer who I believe was a daughter of a family of Knights. Their ancestral home is in the Water Town, I believe."

"I see," Guild Girl tapped her lip, "And as I also understand it, despite having slain the Goblins responsible for demise, she is still active as a Revenant?"

"That is correct," Undead Master confirmed, "Although I had originally intended for her to only slay the Goblins in the Elven Fort to avenge her own death, over the course of this adventure it appears she has become fixated with extracting her vengeance over the entire Goblin race."

"And she didn't accompany you back here? I would have thought she would have wanted to accompany her necromancer," Guild Girl tapped her finger against her desk idly, "Especially since you also take a lot of Goblin quests. The two of you would work well together."

Unbeknownst to Guild Girl and Undead Master, the four Undead Adventurers watching the exchange gave a series of involuntary shudders at the thought. They had narrowly avoided calamity there. If Lady Relevant had remained with their group and went on adventures with Undead Master, well, not even a heart that did not beat would have been able to survive that kind of situation!

"Unfortunately, she decided to go her own way. She decided that two Goblin hunting groups would cover more ground working independently," Undead Master recalled fondly, the tone of his voice full of approval at his fellow Goblin hunter's rationale, "Before we parted, she informed us that she intended to shift the base of operations was the Guild in the Forest Town. I believe if you wish to remain in contact with them, that is the place you should contact."

"Certainly!" Guild Girl chirped cheerfully, her hand playfully patting the huge stack of papers that had been lying beside her on the counter, "I had actually had another set of the reinstatement forms drawn up for her in case she actually needed it, but it seems I will have to forward it on to the Forest Town's Guild to help them get her sorted out."

"I see. That is considerate of you."

"Thank you for informing me about where she went. I will send my colleagues in the Forest Town a copy of the paperwork right away by courier," Guild Girl said as she pulled out a pen and parchment, and began to write out the cover letter for the package that would be transported, "One more set of forms to reinstate a Revenant, coming right up!"

"Four."

"Um, Sorry?"

"The Forest Town Guild will need four copies of that paperwork," Undead Master stated, the glow of his eye gleaming with pride at his achievement, "There are now four Revenants, after all."

The pen in Guild Girl's hands snapped in half from the force of her grip.

"No more Revenants. No more Revenants at all." Banshee Elf Archer whimpered, pulling on her long ears in both frustration and suffering as her mind went to a very dark place, "Forget Fire, Explosions or Poison. Revenants are the new number one at the top of the List."

"Aye." Hollow Dwarf seconded.

"Whole heartedly agreed." Skeleton Lizardman concurred.

No more Revenants.

Although she remained silent as Banshee Elf Archer began to sob pitifully, Zombie Priestess found she couldn't agree more.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Deep in a dark forest, a horde of Goblins fled for their lives.

The Goblins, having been minding their own business in their forest camp and enjoying their usual depravity, had suddenly found themselves under attack. At first they had assumed it was those accursed Adventurers, the bane of Goblinkind, that had foolishly thought to attack the Goblins in their own home. Then one of the Goblin marksmen had managed to send a crossbow bolt through the head of one of the assailants. What should have been a lethal blow did not even slow her down.

It was then that the Goblins realize what they were up against, and when they did the Goblins did the only thing they could do: they ran for their lives like death itself had come for them…

Because, quite honestly, in a way it did.

"…slay the goblins…"

Four women, skin pale as death and eyes an unseeing milky white, pursued the frightened prey with vicious grins on their faces and vengeful bloodlust on their mind. Wounds did not bother them, for their flesh was already dead. Exhaustion and tiring were not known to them, for vengeance and anger drove them beyond mortal limits. Mercy was a concept that they had no definition for.

"…Slay the Goblins…"

These four women, who once fought for righteousness, had all died violently and shamefully at the hands of the Goblins' kind. The Elf, burned alive while Goblins danced around her as she screamed and begged for a quick death. The Rhea, chained to a post and used as target practice, dying a long drawn out death as she bled out from poorly aimed shot. The Monk, fed the entrails of her friends before being turned into a plaything before being discarded like trash.

Their Leader, forced to watch all this happen to break her mind and soul.

They had all died, terror, fear and despair their final thoughts as they slipped from this world.

No person deserved to die like that, but they had.

The world was, indeed, cruel.

However, in those final, dying thoughts was also two other things: Anger, and Hate.

A wish to avenge themselves upon the scum that had so defiled their bodies and their ideals, one that was so strong, it allowed these four women to return to the world of the living to do one thing…

"…Slay the Goblins…!"

Elf Revenant roared, a look of perverse pleasure on her face as she took joy in watching the flames of her spells burned the Goblins to ash. They had burned her, and now she would return the favor.

"Slay the Goblins!"

Rhea Revenant bellowed, her crossbow firing bolt after bolt into the fleeing Goblins, making sure to hit them in places where she knew they would bleed out slowly, and painfully, as she once did.

"Slay the Goblins!"

Monk Revenant snarled, ripping any Goblins that strayed within arms reach apart with her own two hands. Once those hands of hers were used for healing. Now, she had other uses in mind for them. Rip and Tear. Rip and Tear the Goblins, until it is done.

"Slay the Goblins!"

Lady Revenant knew this was wrong.

As a former knight, fighting for Revenge instead of justice had been against everything she and her family had stood for. Her sin was made worse when she had asked Undead Master to bring her former comrades, who had deserved their rest after such terrible ends, into her crusade with her. While they had answered her call to arms, gladly even, her logical mind knew this was wrong.

But understanding something was wrong and actually caring about it were two different things.

Besides, the two bottles in her Dwarven helmet that Undead Master had given her had run out of water to keep her sober, and she couldn't be bothered to refill it at the moment. Her older brothers had always insisted she had been an angry drunk, and a little anger and hate was something she very much wanted to indulge in at the moment.

And so, Lady Revenant, wearing a repurposed beer hat that had failed in its' job to keep her sober and waving around a pointy sharp stick while being quite drunk, knew exactly what she had to do:

"Slay the Goblins!"

Four Revenants made from four slain Adventurers, whose vendetta was against the entire Goblin race, persecuted their crusade with extreme prejudice.

Considering how many Goblins there were and how quickly the little green vermin repopulated, it was most certainly going to be one without an end… but to this impossible task, the Four Revenants had only three words to say in response.

"SLAY THE GOBLINS!!!"

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

To Be Continued!

Undead Master and the Goblin Slayers will return in…

"Is it really okay to split the party like this?"

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Authors Note - And now the SV thread is all caught up to the SB thread. Hope you all enjoyed reading this!

 

[sasahara17]

One last thing... Something really amusing popped in my brain and would not go away. This is a Non-Canon omake that shows a possible future for Undead Master that some other alternate version of this character took, but will not be explored in the main story. Enjoy!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

The two moons shone brightly in an unclouded sky as the gathering in the Frontier Town's cemetery took part in a funeral that was most unusual. Although most ceremonies of the sort would take place when the resplendent sun was in the sky, as dictated by the scriptures of the Supreme God, the very profession of the recently deceased's actions barred him from having that honor.

Necromancers were to be buried in the night, away from the blessings of the sun as punishment for their acts during life… such was as the scriptures dictated. The desecration of the dead, which was one of the most heinous sins anyone could partake in, and as such had to be punished. Necromancers were also supposed to be quartered, their body parts then buried in four different locations, but no one had the heart to do it to someone that had been so respected and loved.

Besides, he had always said he liked the moons better, anyway.

Undead Master's unmoving body lay in the open coffin, his family and multitude of friends he had made during his life standing around as Mother Superior gave her speech to commemorate his life.

"I can't believe he is really gone," Zombie Priestess sobbed into her sleeves as she watched the man who had made her into an Adventurer lie there, unmoving, "I never… I never told him…"

"I think he knew, Lass," Hollow Dwarf reassured the grieving girl wrapped an arm around Zombie Priestess' shoulder comfortingly, "He knew how thankful you were. Aye, I think he may have seen you as the younger sister he never had."

It was a sad, but not unexpected fate that all Adventurers risked whenever they went out in the field. Undead Master, for all his skill, necromantic powers, methodical preparation and his infuriating refusal to let the gods inject chance into his Adventures, was no exception. Unlike his party members, he was mortal, and as a mortal he could die.

And so he did.

"I still can't believe he is gone," Banshee Elf Archer shook her head despondently, her ears dropping and her shoulders slumping to show how distressed she was, "He was always so prepared. Always so cautious. I never thought he would die like this."

"I would normally agree, but we were up against Goblin Emperor, a threat so great even Platinum Heroine would have struggled against. It is miracle that we triumphed," Skeleton Lizardman reminded his comrade, "I would like to think in his last moments, Milord Undead Master was satisfied that he went to his grave taking the king of all Goblins with him. It was a good death."

"I know, but… to think we fought Goblin Emperor for non-stop ten hours and won, only to him die from exhaustion immediately after it was over." Banshee Elf Archer lowered her eyes in grief. "Well, we can have an open casket at least… but did we really have to bury him with his armor still on?"

"Could you ever imagine him with it off?" Skeleton Lizardman chuckled.

Beside the four Undead Adventurers that Undead Master had come to regard as his second family, where the two humans and one Zombie that were his actual family.

"I… I should have told him…" Cow Girl keened softly. "He's gone, Uncle. He's gone…"

"I know, child," Uncle comforted, "I know."

Cow Girl hadn't stopped weeping since news of Undead Master's demise had reached her ears, and was currently bundled into her Uncle's chest as the man attempted in vain to comfort his niece. Meanwhile, Undead Big Sister, dressed to the nines with the finest clothing that she had purchased with her vast fortune, looked on at the body of her brother with sadness.

She had been the one to arrange for this funeral, seconding missives far and wide to contact his many acquaintances, while arranging for an elaborate wake catered by the best chefs in her food empire that had been held in the town hall, and providing the elaborate obsidian and gold coffin Undead Master now lay in as the vessel to contain his body.

She had spared no expense for this funeral her brother, and it showed.

However, in contrast to Cow Girl, who was inconsolable, Undead Big Sister unexpectedly serene.

"Oh, Undead Master," Undead Big Sister sighed as she brought a silken handkerchief to her mouth, "Could you at least have given me some nieces and nephews for me to spoil before you passed on? I told you to get settled down while you had the chance. What an unruly little brother you still are, even after all these years."

Many other attendees who heard her musings did not interrupt, for they were unsure if her disrespect was due to insanity or denial borne from grief, self-delusion, or some other reasonable explanation that excused her careless words. There was also the fact she was a Zombie that made more gold in a year than ninety percent of the attendees would see in their lifetimes, and no one knew how to deal with that fact, so there was that too.

Behind the first row that seated Undead Master's party and his family were his many friends and acquaintances, who numbered one hundred and two score. It was a massive gathering, that showed that even though Undead Master had been a creepy freak that surrounded himself with dead bodies (and dead Goblins), he was a good man that many people had come to love.

"I… I should have… I should have let him know…" Guild Girl wept.

Guild Girl, like Cow Girl, was inconsolable. She was leaning into the chest of Spearman while weeping, who looked both happy and awkward at the same time while his longtime crush came to him for comfort. Happy, that Guild Girl was in his arms, and Awkward because this was at a funeral and that Witch was giving a look of stern disapproval from right beside him. The other Adventurers and friends from the guild around and behind, including Heavy Swordsman, Lady Knight, and the rookies, them ignored this drama in favor of listening to Mother Superior's speech.

They did so, first out of respect to their dearly departed guildmates, and second, in an clear attempt to ignore the act that Undead Master's many 'creations' were also attending the funeral right next to them… such as the self-proclaimed 'Revenant Goblin Extermination Squad', who had taken some time out of their busy schedule of being drenched in the blood of Goblins to attend.

"This blows," Rhea Revenant snarled cracking her knuckles Angrily, "He killed the Goblin Emperor! I wanted to be the one to kill the Goblin Emperor! If it wasn't for the fact we know there's a Goblin God, I would have strangled the guy for cheating us of our REVENGE."

"I'm more upset he finished the Goblin Emperor off by drowning," Elf Revenant hissed Angrily, milky white eyes flashing as she mused over the missed opportunity, "Drowning is not Burning. They should have burned that Goblin Emperor. The Goblins all need to Burn. Burn in the fires of Hell."

"Rip and Tear. Goblin Slayer needed to Rip and Tear! Drowning is nor Ripping and Tearing!" Monk Revenant concurred Angrily, "We must make up for this by finding Goblin God and Ripping and Tearing! Goblin God must be big! Big has Huge Guts! Rip Huge Guts out! RIP AND TEAR!"

"Yes-Urp-! Although t-th-he ori-ori-gee… da first Gibli-in Slayer may be de-de-deseas-dead, we are the Gibli-in Slayers now! We will car-car-car-ree- Slay the Gi-b… Gobs his-Urp!-honor!" Lady Revenant, having once again become drunk due to her beer hat having run out of water due to the length of the funeral, declared giddily, "We must S-Slay-y the Goblins!"

"SLAY THE GOBLINS!" The other three Revenants declared.

The rest of the many attendees at the funeral leaned away from the Revenants just that little bit more at that declaration.

There were many other notable attendees and guests. Mayors and Chieftains from thankful towns and villages who managed to get past Undead Master's oddities. Friends and rescues who owed their lives to Undead Master, like Wizard and Fighter. Friends of friends, like Elven Princess and Noble Fencer/Young Merchant. There were many other guests.

But among this rabble, were two living legends who watched the proceedings with interest.

"I can't believe Shishou is really gone," Chosen Heroine, the Platinum Ranked heroine who owed her life to the Necromancer, looked on in disbelief as the body of her mentor lay there in the coffin, unmoving, "Shishouwas always popping people out of graves. I never thought I'd see the day where we could be putting him in one."

"As did I," Sword Maiden said from beside the Champion of the Realm, "When I heard the news, I could scarcely believe it. Even now, seeing his body there, I am having trouble believing this will be the last we see of him."

"Really?"

"Really. He's still appearing in my dreams." Sword Maiden admitted bashfully.

"Huh?" Chosen Heroine blinked curiously.

"Ah, I should have explained," Sword Maiden put a finger to her lips thoughtfully, "I used to suffer many nightmares from by time as a Goblin captive. When I met Undead Master, he told me to think of him whenever I was having a nightmare, and he would appear to slay the Goblins for me."

"That sure sounds like Shishou," Chosen Heroine chuckled before abruptly stopping, "Wait a sec, you said he is still showing up in your dreams…"

"Yes, he is," Sword Maiden confirmed with a curt nod, "I was so afraid when I heard he had died, so afraid that the nightmares would return. Sure enough, on the night after I first learned of his death, when I went to sleep the Goblins came for me…"

"Shishou appeared?" Chosen Heroine guessed

"Yes, he did," Sword Maiden gave a confused frown, "He looked different though, slightly off from his usual self, but it was him. He hunted down the Goblins like usual, except this time they were even more scared of him than usual."

"Well, Shishou is the original Goblin Slayer after all." Chosen Heroine snorted bemusedly.

"The Goblins had never been so outmatched," Sword Maiden muttered, "I was so turned on…"

"Wait, wha-"

Before Chosen Heroine could clarify what she had just heard, the distant chime of the Frontier Town's clocktower signaling it was midnight resounded through the air. Suddenly, the air around the cemetery was filled the cawing of scores of crows that had appeared seemingly out of nowhere, drawing out the startled Mother Superior from her speech.

"Oh, it's started!" Undead Big Sister clapped her hands together happily. "Here we go!"

Then, when the moons were at its' highest point in the night sky, and ethereal voice echoed from beyond the grave.

"Fill. Fill. Fill. Fill. Fill. Let each offering be emptied, the souls these one hundred black soul gems within as fuel to give the gift of un-life to this empty shell."

Undead Master's disembodied voice echoed from somewhere inside the coffin, the entire obsidian casket suddenly lighting up as ritual sigils secretly caved into the black surface lit up with purple magical energy. The coffin… that was constructed using over one hundred black soul gems.

"Let these offerings of flesh mend this body so that it may return from undeath. Let the blood of crows, a gift of wine, and the ashes of burnt roses be the sacrifices that will return this departed soul from the realm beyond…"

"What is happening!?" Mother Superior cried as she backed away from the glowing casket.

Secret compartments within the coffin containing spell reagents burst open, emptying their contents as part of the profane ritual. In the sky above, the light of the blood red moon intensified unnaturally, as if to signal the emergence of a new power.

"An oath shall be sworn here! With this un-life, I shall attain all virtues of all of Heaven! With this un-life, I secure dominion over all evils of all of Hell! With this un-life, I shall throw off the shackles of fate and carve my own path, for my own dice shall be rolled by none but me!'

The attendees, alarmed by this occurrence, all reacted in their own ways. Some fainted in terror. Some fled in fright. Some drew their weapons in preparation for a fight.

But those that knew Undead Master best, knew better.

"Could this be?" Zombie Priestess gasped, eyes widening as she cupped her hands before her mouth, hiding the smile that was spreading across her face.

"NO!" Banshee Elf Archer, Uncle and Mother Superior cried out in horror as they realized the purpose behind this the blasphemous ritual.

"YES!" Cried out Cow Girl, Guild Girl, and Sword Maiden cried out gleefully, in response to that same realization that their cherished hero was not done yet.

"From the world beyond this one, return this piece to the board so that he may resume the game of life! Return so that his deeds may carve his title into the annals of history! Come forth from the beyond the grave, for this shall be the birth of a new Knight of the Black Rose!"

"DAMN IT, ORCBOLG, I TOLD YOU NO REVENANTS!"

The ritual sigils on the coffin flared an eerily purple color a final time, and then died down.

And then Undead Master sat up.

Mother Superior fainted.

For a long moment, one long agonizing moment as the attendees of the would-be funeral regarded this new, unexpected development with varying degrees of acceptance. Then Undead Master spoke.

"Huh. It worked." Undead Master said with satisfaction. "I appear to be a Death Knight now."

"Welcome back, little brother," Undead Big Sister smiled, "How was your nap?"

"Unproductive. I was not able to slay any Goblins. I had to intrude upon Sword Maiden's dreams to do so," Undead Master informed her as he nonchalantly climbed out of the raised coffin and planted both his feet firmly on the soil, "Thank you for arranging for the ritual for me, Big Sister. I know it must have cost you a lot of gold to do so."

"No trouble at all, little brother!"

"ORCBOLG!" Banshee Elf Archer all but teleported right into Undead Master's personal space she grabbed him by the sides of his helmet and began to shake him violently, "ORCBOLG, YOU IDIOT! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! I TOLD YOU NO REVENANTS!!! TOP OF THE LIST, REMEMBER?!"

"B-B-B-u-u-u-t-t-t, I-I-I a-a-a-m-m-m a-a-a D-d-d-e-e-e-a-a-a-t-t-t-h-h-h K-k-k-n-n-n-i-i-i-g-g-g-h-h-h-t-t-t, n-n-n-o-o-o-t-t-t a-a-a R-r-r-e-e-e-v-v-v-e-e-e-n-n-n-a-a-a-n-n-n-t-t-t..." Undead Master tried to say, but found it much harder to make himself understood while a hysterically angry elf attempted to shake him back to death.

"THAT IS NOT THE EVER LOVING POINT!"

"Oh, my word… that was actually him in my dreams fending off the Goblins?" Sword Maiden put a hand to her mouth as a huge blush blossomed on her cheeks, "I… I need to consult the Supreme God on this. I don't know how what the scriptures say about the Archbishop falling for a Death Knight."

"Undead Master, you're back!" Cow Girl and Guild Girl both stampeded over and shoved a protesting Banshee Elf Archer (who was then quickly restrained by Hollow Dwarf and Skeleton Lizardman before she made more of a scene) away from their beloved, "You came back! You didn't break you promise!"

"Is that so?" Undead Master tilted his head in confusion, trying to recall just when he had made such a promise to them. That was odd. Even so, he could see they were distressed, so Undead Master gently pulled both of them into his embrace to comfort them.

"Tch. Lucky Bastard." Spearman snorted irately, but couldn't keep the smile off his face at the return of his rival from undeath.

"HA-HAH! THE GOBLIN SLAYER IS BACK!" The Four Revenants cheered, this time causing the most immediate people around to break and flee, "WE SHOULD SLAY MORE GOBLINS TO CELEBRATE!"

Undead Master's head snapped up from the two girls he cradled in his arms.

"Did someone say Slay the Goblins?" Undead Master said eagerly.

"Oh, Shishou, I should have known you would have done something like this! Good job, Shishou!" Chosen Heroine threw her head back with laughter, satisfied once again that all was well with the world once more.

…

So the Adventures of Undead Master and his Goblin Slayers continued, even after the man had died for the first time… and considering that the crazy maniac now had a proven ability come back from the dead, now the Gods really had no idea how his Adventures would end.

That is, if they ever did.

Necromancy was kind of broken like that.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Authors Note: Undead Master is no Lord Soth, but I figure he'd gain similar notoriety to that particular BBEG all the same. Totally non-canon of course, but it is something I couldn't help but want to put to writing because it was so damn amusing. Hope everyone all enjoyed reading it!

You guys don't suppose this sort of thing would qualify him for a Gold Rank now, do you? Man I would like to see the Guild debate on whether to offer him a promotion or not after he pulls this crap off. On one hand, he's killed the Goblin Emperor and cheated Death by becoming a Death Knight. On the other hand... what sort of message will the Guild be sending by making him a Gold? That becoming a necromancer and reviving yourself as a Death Knight after death is acceptable behavior?

Gosh to be a fly on the wall to hear that conversation...

 

[sasahara17]

After my recent post about the world being a tabletop game, I decided to put off continuing the main story in favor of having an intermission that shows what is happening with the Gods.

This is to help give some context as to why the 'Rule of Funny' is in full effect whenever Undead Master and his Goblin Slayers do anything, regardless as who what else is happening then.

Unlike my last snippet, this one is totally canon. I think it manages to get the ideas I want across just fine. I hope you enjoy this little change of pace!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Once upon a time, in the days when the green and red moons shone far brighter in the sky then they do now, the Gods of Light and Order and Destiny, vied with the Gods of Darkness and Chaos and Chance to see who would reign supreme.

To this end, they created the World, and myriad of Game Pieces that would be their means of settling this struggle. The Pieces on the board would go on Adventures, achieve Victory, suffer Defeat, find Treasure, Happiness or Love, and care out great stories that fascinated the Gods to no end. In time, the Gods came to loves these Pieces, and their many Adventures.

Before the Gods realized it, these Games of Divinity had becomes less of a means to decide who would control the world, but something far greater than any of the Gods had intended.

Two such gods, Truth and Illusion, were finishing up one of their Games, an Adventure fearing two of their favorite Pawns, Spearman and Witch. The Adventure had been a fun one, if successful and a little light on the action, that had involved Spearman and Witch trying to stop a mad bomber form destroying a city while preventing the jailbreak of an old foe.

Unfortunately, the Adventure ended after a poor dice roll resulted in Spearman tripping at the last moment, failing to prevent the jailbreak… but the Dice falling against these Adventurers sometimes was how things went. Spearman and Witch may have saved the city, but their old enemy had escaped and now was at large. Although the two Adventurers were most certainly not happy with how this had ended, the two Gods could not have been more excited by the outcome, and the promise of more Adventures. What fun!

Even so, the Adventure had been fun while it lasted, however as the pair watched the Spearman and Witch begin their journey back to the Frontier Town it was clear the two Gods had their mind on something else. Namely, the next game they were going to attending.

"Oh, I cannot wait to see what happens next in the Supreme God's campaign," Illusion chirped brightly once she and Truth were sure there was nothing left to see with Spearman and Truth, "The last Adventure was so funny, I could not stop laughing!"

"I told you it was hilarious," Truth agreed, the Cheshire grin he was known for breaming on his face, "Are you not glad we asked you and Earth Mother to join us?"

"Very much so! I had not thought a Campaign about killing nothing but Goblins would have been so hilarious!" Illusion agreed heartily. "Thank you so much for inviting us, for we would never have thought to join otherwise!"

There were many Gods, and among them many Games. Gods who loved nothing but challenge and combat between heroes and Villains. Gods who set the stage of epic battles of conquest spanning continents. Gods who prized intrigue, puzzles and mystery taking place in the shadows with keen eyes. The Games of Life were as many as there were gains of sand on a beach. However, even among these Games there were a few that stood above the rest in uniqueness and fun.

The Campaign run by the Supreme God was one such game.

"I never thought you were to be into this sort of Game, though," Illusion admitted, "You were always about the challenge. This one had so little of it, I thought you would have been annoyed!"

"Oh, there was challenge in case you didn't notice," Truth replied, , "That Goblin infested Elven Fort was a death trap that proved too much for that other Adventuring party. Granted it was a bad dice roll that finally did them in, but there wasn't a lack of challenge there, I will tell you that much."

"But the way His party defeated the Goblins made it look so easy. We also didn't touch the dice once after the fighting had actually started," Illusion recalled with no small amount of Amazement, "He even brought back the party who were wiped out the first run and allowed them to have new Adventurers. I have never seen an outcome from an Advanture that before!"

"And that is the beauty of the Adventurers we are watching," Truth said his grin growing wider, "The Adventurer that Supreme God found isn't like the other Adventurers, isn't he?"

Indeed, the God of Truth was correct.

In this world of Adventure, which the Gods played their Games of Divinity, there appeared one particular Adventurer. He had begun life as an un-exceptional child. He was not highborn, nor had he been especially capable. He had not even had cheating powers, nor great luck. He would not save the world, nor was he expected to change anything.

He had been just another pawn.

Then the Supreme God had the idea to give this unexceptional child a crash course in Necromancy at a time when aforesaid child had picked up an obsession with killing Goblins. It was fairly obvious that 'unexceptional' would not be a word that could describe Him any longer after that.

There was that bit about him not letting the Gods roll his dice too, and them not knowing how his Adventures would end, but honestly His defining traits about Necromancy and Goblin Slaying were very important.

"When faced with a Goblin infested death trap, what did he do? He revives the leader of the deceased Adventuring party as a Revenant to place the odds in his favor, and then lures the Goblins out of the fortress where he had the advantage to the point luck was not even a factor," Truth explained with genuine praise, "Any challenge we pose, He overcomes. Any danger, He avoids or mitigates. Never have I seen such a fascinating Adventurer in all my time playing these games."

"I see." Illusion marveled as she understood where her fellow God was coming from.

"Well that, and He has been abusing the Art of Necromancy in ways not even the God of Wisdom has thought of," Truth laughed heartily, "And, do you not find it refreshing to see and Adventure that is fun and humorous for a change? Even throwing Adventurers into extremely hard challenges over and over again can get a little monotonous sometimes. Watching His antices is honestly a breath of fresh air from the usual fare."

"Is that why the Supreme God acts so different whenever he is running the Adventures? He even dresses differently from how he normally is." Illusion asked, this lingering question having gnawed on her mind ever since she and Earth Mother had attended the first Session. The Supreme God had always been serious and disciplined, as befitting of the head God of Order.

"I suppose so. I think this is how he relieves the stress of being one of the few Gods whose church is overflowing with bureaucracy," Truth reasoned with a shudder, "I told him that Bureaucracy didn't HAVE to be an essential party of Law and Order, but he had to go and be the textbook God of Order and put those in his own Scriptures."

Illusion mentally made a note to go away after the Session to review the teachings of her own church in more detail after heading that. If the stress from dealing with overly bureaucratic clergy could drive the Supreme God in acting THAT way as a way to unload, then perhaps it was time Illusion should start taking her own precautions to avoid ending up in that same situation.

"But it is pretty fun watching him though. Really sets the mood for the whole thing," Truth continued, "Really, Illusion, the whole point of what the Supreme God is doing is for everyone to try something different. You. Me. Wisdom. Even the Earth Mother is having a good time despite the fact he entire church is now having an uproar at having a Zombie as a Priestess."

"I would say she is having fun because of it" Illusion giggled.

An Adventure about a Necromancer and his Undead Adventurers trying to hunt the Goblin race into extinction. With an outlandish concept like that, how could the Adventure be anything but different from anything else that existed in the World they had created?

With that final exchange, the two Gods arrived over at the Frontier Town where the other Gods had gathered. There were more Gods today, more curious Gods drawn to the commotion that the Supreme God had started. Although only Illusion, Truth, Wisdom and the Earth Mother would have their favored Adventurers this day, that did not stop other Gods like Death and Fate from spectating.

Such was the nature of the Games, that any God who wished to watch could do so.

And holding his dominant position, was the Supreme God himself, the Game Master of this current Adventure. He was the most powerful of their number, the wisest and most fair of the Gods of Order, to whom the people of the World looked to when times were darkest. It was he, who first declared that the arguments between the Gods would be settled by dice, and it was he who first suggested those dice games be replaced by the World and its' many Pawns.

Of all the Gods, none were as respected and beloved as he.

As the sun broke over the horizon over the Frontier Town the Supreme God turned to the other Gods before him and spoke.

"Good Morning~!" The Supreme God bellowed at the top of his powerful lungs, the blazer on his back billowing like a cape, the light of the sun glinting off his sunglasses, and a cocky exited smirk playing on his lips, "How is everyone doing today~?"

"Good Morning!" Illusion, Truth, Wisdom and the Earth Mother quickly replied back, remembering what happened the last time any of the players did not respond to his greeting.

The Supreme God was very intimidating when he was screaming 'Good Morning!' in someone's face.

"I must say, everyone is looking very energetic today," The Supreme God declared brightly, as he confidently placed his hands on his hips, "What kind of Adventure-"

With that, he reached behind him and gave the air behind him a loud open handed slap, causing a large display featuring diagrams and pictures to materialize behind him for his fellow gods to see.

"Today, I have a stimulating Adventure for our great heroes for you all to-"

"Uh, Supreme God?" Wisdom said with a raised hand, "Your diagram is upside down."

There was a moment of shocked quiet as Illusion stared at Wisdom, completely aghast that he had the temerity to question the Wisdom of the Supreme… no, wait, it really was upside down. Without even changing the expression on his face, the Supreme God gave another open handed slap, and the display righted itself.

"Today, I have a stimulating Adventure for our great heroes for you all!" The Supreme God declared brightly, "In this Session, the evil Goblin hordes have decided to go after Undead Master's beloved farmstead home, where his childhood friend and future wife-"

"Nope. His future wife is the Banshee," Truth crossed his arms petulantly as he cut the Supreme God off, "Their chemistry is fantastic, and I don't think he sees that farmhand as more than a sister."

"You just like the Elf because her instance on that List makes it more difficult for Him," Wisdom groused angrily, "Now, that receptionist at the Guild, there's a Girl who actually has some brains…"

"Uh, is it wrong that I think my Priestess is a good match for him? She's still a little young but in a few years, I think she will be quite-"

"SSSSSHHHHHUUUUUTTTTT UUUUUPPPPP," The Supreme God screamed aloud, slamming both his hands on a phantasmal desk he had simply willed into existance for this very purpose, "DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A DATING SIM TO YOU? THIS IS AN ADVENTURE ABOUT ZOMBIES AND GOBLINS! WHAT DOES LOVE GOT TO DO WITH ZOMBIES OR GOBLINS? IF YOU HAVE NOTHING TO SAY ABOUT ADVENTURE, STAY QUIET UNTIL I FINISH THE OUTLINE YOU TALKATIVE, LOVE OBSESSED GODS!!!"

That put the bickering of other Gods to a stop in an instant.

"There," The Supreme God cleared his throat, "Now, as I was saying, the evil Goblin hordes have decided to go after Undead Master's beloved farmstead home. Classical Adventure in the lines of The Siege of Krusty's Freehold, right? Oh, Illusion, you raised you hand. Shoot."

"Uh, I may be very new to this group, but isn't Cow Girl's farm protected by Undead Master's army? Won't that make any Goblin invasion very… uh, short lived?" Illusion pointed out cautiously, slightly intimidated from his shouting earlier.

"Yep, it is," Supreme God nodded, happy that one of his fellow Gods was asking all the sensible questions at least, "And that is why the Adventure is going to be about Undead Master and his party members having Sword Maiden over for a surprise family dinner while trying to keep her oblivious to the fact the Goblins that scare her are fighting his Zombie army outside."

The other Gods all looked at their leader, varying expressions of astonishment on their face.

"What kind of Adventure-?" Death began.

He never got to finish.

"AND THAT'S THE ADVENTURE!" Supreme God declared, clapping his hands together rather enthusiastically, "IT'S A GO! GO! GO! GO! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

And with that, the Gods began their Games again, the Adventures of Undead Master and his Goblin Slayers continued…

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

A/N – Well, it is a Zombieland Saga crossover, so I had to fit Kotaro Tatsumi in here somewhere. Thanks for reading!

EDIT: Forgot that the post that prompted me to write this interlude was over on SB. Here is its, reposted here for everyone on SV to see.

The narratively brilliant thing about Goblin Slayer's world is that it is effectively an ongoing game of D&D/Pathfinder that exists for the God's amusement.

This very fact actually helps excuse a lot of the oddities and/or plotholes in the setting that would normally cause another fanchise to collapse. Stuff like 'why is X ruin like it is' or 'why is Y like it is' can be explained by the Gods making the pieces on their board fall a certain way. As such, if the gods find something fun they'll encourage it (like Truth setting up his Killer Dungeons). If they find it boring, they'll take it away or not bother with it (such as Illusion bouncing from one Adventuring Party to the next after losing interest in older ones).

Why you said is interesting is that different Gods derive their fun in different ways, such as Illusion wanting 'Adventure' and Truth wanting 'Huge Challenges'. The Gods currently looking over Undead Master's party are playing a Horror/Comedy centered around Memetic-Medieval Doomguy and his band of Undead misfits, and as such Goblins are a central part of that campaign.

Surpeme God, the lead God orchestrating the campaign, knows that to keep his campaign challenging but staying true to the themes of the Goblin Slayers' characters, he needs to keep Goblins as the central antagonist. Hence, why there are different 'Grades' of Goblins, from Wanders, to Lords, to Paladins, to the Goblin Emperor – this is to increase the CR of the encounters while keeping the antagonist of the campaigns as Goblins.

Goblins need to exist for the Campaign, his campaign, to be fun. As long as even one God finds the Goblin Slayers' antics to be amusing, the Goblin race will never die to keep the Goblin Slayers going. If their numbers dip, any God can simply 'magick' more into existence. If it gets tiresome to do so, the Gods can simply change to nature of the Goblins so that they reproduce quicker to outpace the Goblin Slayers' ability to keep their numbers down. If more dangerous Goblins need to exist to keep the Goblin Slayers' on their toes, well… Goblin Paladins already exist, so why not Goblin Blackguards, Goblin Engineers, Goblin Liches, or even Goblin Demi-Gods? What about a Goblin Metropolis?

However, as you said, the actions in the Supreme God could cause Goblins as a race to become troublesome for other Gods running their own campaigns.

His increase in the Goblins reproductive speed may make the Goblins harder to control for Gods just wanting entry level adventures. Goblins now having so much variety, basically having an entire Adventurers' guild of intelligent, talented Goblins who are a match for an experienced Adventurer, defeats the purpose of looking for 'disposable, stupid entry level enemies'. The Supreme God's focus on making Goblins challenging for the Goblin Slayers' would have changed the nature of the Goblin race as an enemy in the Monster Manual.

Other Gods would then migrate to other enemies, such as Slimes or Kobolds… which in turn would make THOSE races more dangerous.

The creates an interesting situation in universe, where the Goblin Slayers' might not only find themselves caught in a never escalating war against the Goblin race they can't win (but can't lose either, since the Supreme God is very fair with the difficulty and the Goblin Slayer's undead natures means defeat is basically impossible), but the Kingdom itself might suddenly find Slimes and Kobolds suddenly becoming far more 'interesting' than they previously had been now that the whims of the gods had shifted in that direction.

An interesting, if depressing, thought… but one that could be hilarious if in universe everyone notices this escalating level of violence between the Goblin Slayers and their Goblin foes.

The 'weak, rookie fodder' Goblin race is suddenly breaking out Silver/Gold Rank level stuff like Goblin Paladins, Goblin Warlocks, Goblin Blackguards, Goblin Artificers, Goblin Golem Armies, and the Goblin Emperor in an attempt to stop Goblin Genocide… and in response the Goblin Slayers just go 'RIP AND TEAR!!!' and chew through all that with gusto. Also, in response to Goblins multiplying faster, Undead Master makes more Zombies, Skeletons and Revenants to hunt the Goblins down.

Result? Full scale war between (Mostly) Good Aligned Undead and Always Chaotic Evil Goblins.

…and while this is going on and everyone in universe is picking their jaws off the floor, Truth has just made Kobolds a whole lot more dangerous.

Click to shrink...

 

[Pensive Rumination]

Welcome back sasahara!

Real talk though, while this story was very intriguing and hilarious... it was so riddled with errors that I could only bring myself to read up till the beginning of the bandit encounter. It actually became a bit too painful for me to overlook the errors by that point.

I managed to catch a few but there are probably a few I missed up till that point.

Spoiler: Correction stuff

Undead Master tilted his head, a right light glowing from within the darkness of his helm.

Click to shrink...

bright

Fortunately for Zombie Priestess, the paperwork did not take as long as she had the intimidating size of it would have suggested.

Click to shrink...

In fact, the sky had only begun to fate to orange and [the] sun had only begun to set when the party had exited the Guild hall, new quest in hand.

Click to shrink...

Zombie Priestess whimpered as she followed the rest of her companions on the path they were taking from the Guild hall to the two exit, specifically one that used a lot of back alleys and unused roads to prevent the group of Undead from causing another scene.

Click to shrink...

Aren't you worried about putting poor Zombie Priestess into [a] Goblin Slaying quest so soon after her first adventure involved her dying horribly at the hands of Goblins?

Click to shrink...

"I am not a healer, but I don't think that is the healthiest way of dealing with that kind of mental baggage Zombie Priestess is dealing with."

Click to shrink...

'the' kind of mental baggage

Perhaps a more practical solution we know [that] works would be appropriate for Zombie Priestess?

Click to shrink...

"Good thing your heart stopped beating ages ago, eh?

Click to shrink...

Missing closing speech mark

uncomfortable to you, but you need not be worries

Click to shrink...

'worried'

Undead Elf and Undead Dwarf gave each other another embarrassed look, this daring each other to answer.

Click to shrink...

so Undead Master had to make new ones.,"

Click to shrink...

Use a comma or full stop, not both please.

Banshee Elf Archer yelped in fight

Click to shrink...

fright

proceeded down the road with a brisk pace.

Click to shrink...

at

Hollow Dwarf and Skeleton Lizardman were up front guiding the hoses, with the remainder of the party were in the back with the rest of their equipment.

Click to shrink...

'horses, while'

which was a strange habit that Zombie Priestess also wanted to ask about, but [she] had to focus on the more pressing question first,

Click to shrink...

Think it flows better this way.

I wouldn't be able to make that kind of coin by plundering an old even ruin

Click to shrink...

'Elven'

Zombie Priestess looked on at her leader at open mouthed shock.

Click to shrink...

with/in

That was… not the appropriate action Zombie Priestess expected.

Click to shrink...

Just reads weird to me. 'not the response Zombie Priestess expected.'?

Had Bandit A not been a Dark Half Elf with an inherited night vision, if only a rather poor one, he would have missed the carriage entirely.

Click to shrink...

Not sure if the middle bit is needed. But if you wanna keep it it could be worded better, 'if only a rather poor version of it'. Not sure, hard to talk about an inherited trait like this...

As it was, the darkness and fog that had happened to roll in at an was so encompassing

Click to shrink...

Might try tackling this story again sometime, but for now I'm gonna take a break. Good to see you back though!

 

[sasahara17]

It was a brand new day at the Frontier Town guild. Adventurers, both rookie and veteran alike, clamored around the Quest boards as they all searched for suitable work that would bring to them which they desired. Some sought quests that promised glory and fame. Others selected quests based on which the believed would bring them the greatest trills and experiences. Others purely selected quests that would test their own strengths. Others still, looked only for the promise of Gold.

There were many reasons why Adventurers chose to do what they did, and for each and every one of them there was a quest to match.
However, away from this clamor, was a band of five Adventurers who waited patiently for the crowd to disperse. Unlike the other Adventurers, who rushed to take the most desirable quests before any other Adventurer could do so, the Goblin Slayers saw to need to hurry. Their reputation was well earned, and everyone in the Guild knew who they were and what they did.

Even if the quests had not paid so poorly and deterred so many Adventurers from taking them, many of the veterans would stay their hands from the Goblin quests out of respect for their colleagues. The newer Adventurers, who did not know better, would not take all the Goblin quests on their own. Failing even that, Guild Girl had kept spare copies of all the Goblin related quests for them in case none remained on the board. The Goblin Slayers would never need to rush to find Goblins that needed slaying, and so stayed away from the early morning rush.

This left the five adventurers, their Undead members now in their disguises, with some time on their hands. They normally spent this time engaging small talk to know each other better or discussing new strategies to better their own performance, and it was the former that they were partaking in on this day. Zombie Priestess was the one to set forward the topic, and it was something she had been meaning to ask her comrades for some time now.

"So, this has been bothering me for a while, but is everyone really okay with just taking Goblin quests all the time?" Zombie Priestess asked curiously from the corner table the party had taken for themselves, "I know you are all Silver ranked, and the pay from our missions is not very good, and we are basically doing the same thing over and over again. Is everyone truly okay with just taking these Goblin quests, and nothing else?"

"I see no problem with-"

"I think she was talking to the rest of us, Orcbolg."

"Is that so?" Undead Master tilted his head, but nevertheless stayed silent after this quick but firm chastisement from Banshee Elf Archer.

This was a good question to ask indeed, for Zombie Priestess had learned a fair bit about her new comrades since the day she first met them. She knew Banshee Elf Archer had become an Adventurer due to wanderlust, and sought to find new and exciting things to etch into her memories. She had been told by Hollow Dwarf that he had wanted to sample the dishes and wines of the world, and thus chose a profession that allowed him to travel. She sympathized with Skeleton Lizardman, who too hard chosen the Adventuring life to satisfy a religious calling.

Zombie Priestess knew all of this, but also felt that these reasons for Adventuring would not be satisfied if her new friends continued to follow Undead Master in his Crusade.

"It's not all bad, Lass," Hollow Dwarf chuckled, "You've been with us for a month already. You should know by now that Goblin quests are not a boring as they first seem."

"My good friend speaks the truth," Skeleton Lizardman concurred with a nod, "Goblins tend to lair anywhere, including places of great interest. We travel far and wide fighting these beasts. If it is a lack of experiences you are afraid of, then ease your worries for that is far from the truth."

"Hey, in this last month alone, we have retaken an Elven Fortress, delved into Dwarven catacombs, fought our way through a Swamp to an honest to goodness Goblin village, and cleared out an old manor that was infested by Goblins and haunted by Ghosts at the same time," Banshee Elf Archer grinned as she listed off their various accomplishments, "I know the job posting always starts off with 'Clear out this Goblin infestation', but you've seen for yourself Goblins have lots of variety."

"Goblins are extremely resilient. While they are not smart, they are capable survivalists capable of adapting to any environment," Undead Master agreed, "Believing that the Goblins are uniform in behavior is folly. We must always assume that they will know the lay of the land better than we."

"I don't think that's what she's worried about, Orcbolg," Banshee Elf Archer shook her head before turning back to Zombie Priestess, "But he does have a point, in that lumping all the Goblins under one heading is a mistake. We may be hunting Goblins, but the challenge is always different."

They were right, of course. Although she had only been with them for a month, in that month Zombie Priestess had seen more sights and experienced more trials than a normal Porcelains in her position would have gone though in a year. Although Zombie Priestess had feared that she would be doing nothing but diving into caves, as she had done in her first ill-fated quest, surprisingly the Adventures she had gone on since were anything but.

She had always believed in her youth Goblins to be nothing but generic vermin, but her recent experiences had proven that Goblins were a bigger threat than she had ever imagined.

"As for why we stick with Orcbolg? Well, you know as well as I do we all owe him for bringing us back from the dead," Banshee Elf Archer kicked her feet up onto the table looking very relaxed as she did so, "As you saw with the fact he let Lady Revenant and her friend leave to have their own Adventures, he actually doesn't make a big deal out of making us stay."

"Really? After all the gold he used up on our behalf?" Zombie Priestess marveled, recalling the exorbitant sum Undead Master had needed to implement a ritual powerful enough to overcome death. Life debts had been made for far less than what Undead Master had achieved.

Zombie Priestess was still amazed that Undead Master had just allowed Lady Revenant and her party to just walk away after he was done reviving them. Granted, this was so they could help him achieve his own lifelong goal of exterminating the Goblin race, but Zombie Priestess was still amazed Undead Master had given them their independence and freedom so readily.

"Well, technically speaking, we are still paying back what we owe him," Hollow Dwarf admitted sheepishly, "ten thousand gold or so isn't so easily paid back, even for Silver Ranks like us."

"It is not a problem. I do not need the money urgently. You can repay the debts over a flexible long-term arrangement," Undead Master stated bluntly, "While the debt does exist, you did not choose to incur it as it was my own decision to impose it upon you. It would be unfair for me to force the issue more than I already have."

"I… really?" Zombie Priestess said, completely perplexed at his strange rationale.

"You are a being with free will capable of making your own choices. It would be a contradiction if I imposed my own will after setting out to create an Undead capable of that act," Undead Master acknowledged seriously, "While I had sincerely hoped each Undead I revived would join me, if you had chosen a different path I would not have stopped you. The ability to choose one's own destiny is something we should prize above all others."

Zombie Priestess had no idea how to respond to that. She was both in awe by his belief in the sanctity of free will and willingness to support and encourage it, and aghast his complete disregard about the small fortune he had all but thrown away. Did nothing make sense about this man?

"Yep, so this guy is actually letting us do what we want," Banshee Elf Archer noted while rolling her eyes, "Is it any surprise that we feel we need to keep an eye on this idiot or he may end up doing something stupid. This guy doesn't know how to care for himself at all"

"I take every precaution to prevent injury to myself."

"There's more to taking care of yourself than just eating well or packing healing potions, Beard Cutter," Hollow Dwarf rumbled mirthfully, "You also have no social grace whatsoever. We can't hunt Goblins if you offend the Margrave who posted the quest and he kicks us out of his land!"

"I have also made a solemn promise to your older sister to make sure you return to her in good health, Milord Undead Master," Skeleton Lizardman added firmly, "It would be remiss of me to break my word to your sister, particularly since she was the one who wanted you to have a party."
Now that caught Zombie Priestess attention.

"Wait, Undead Master has a sister?" Zombie Priestess noted with astonishment.

"You didn't know? I could have sworn that we had mentioned her to you at some point," Skeleton Lizardman said, withdrawing a wheel of cheese from within his voluminous robes, "Behold, the fruits of her labor! For it is the labor of Undead Master's blood this fine nectar that came to be!"

"I rather prefer her wines myself," Hollow Dwarf supplied, "She hasn't gotten mass production off the ground yet, when she does her products are going to be very popular among my people."

"I can see that. Her stuff totally beats out your Fire Wine!" Banshee Elf Archer laughed aloud.

"You haven't met my Sister at all?" Undead Master looked at Zombie Priestess, his surprise clear even though Zombie Priestess could not see into his darkened helm.

"Er, no. No, I haven't." Zombie Priestess admitted.

"Is that so?" Undead Master mused thoughtfully, "Then I should rectify that."

"Eh?" All four of his Undead Companions exclaimed.

"My childhood friend and my sister have been asking for a chance to have dinner with you all again," Undead Master explained evenly, "They have been especially insistent now that they have learned of Zombie Priestess as the newest addition to the party. Given that Zombie Priestess has not met my sister yet, perhaps this would be a good time to indulge her. Do you think this a good idea?"

"YES" Banshee Elf Archer, Hollow Dwarf and Skeleton Lizardman all but yelled in reply, startling some of the nearby Adventurers who had not been focused on the clamor by the Quest Board. Zombie Priestess regarded her senior party members with open surprise.

"Whu-"

"Just say "Yes', Zombie Priestess." Banshee Elf Archer quickly interjected. "Just say 'Yes', now!"

"Yes?" Zombie Priestess repeated after the Undead Elf, completely perplexed by this behavior.

Undead Master took in the unanimous vote by his party, and nodded.

"Very well," He decided now that he had seen his party's will, "I will contact my older sister and let her know that we should plan for a dinner together."

"YES!" Banshee Elf Archer and Hollow Dwarf each threw a victorious fist into the air with excitement.

"NECTAR!" Skeleton Lizardman all but joined them in his own way, waving the wheel of cheese in his hand about excitedly.

If there was any doubt before, this moment was proof enough to Zombie Priestess knew that the other members of her party were just as eccentric as their esteemed leader in their own way.

"You five look like you are all having fun."

The five Goblin Slayers turned away from their discussion to see Guild Girl standing before him, a sheaf of papers in her hands as she regarded them with a professional smile on her face that seemed to veil something more mischievous than usual.

"Apologies on not coming here sooner. I was dealing with some administrative work, and as I knew you would not leave so early I decided to leave this until now do deliver this job request to you."

"Is it Goblins?" Undead Master raised a head to regard the woman, eye beginning to light with the faintest glow as the possibility emerged.

"Unfortunately, no-"

"Then I am not interested." The glow vanished and Undead Master turned away.

"-however this job request pertains to your sister's estate, and how she wants a ceremonial guard as she expects to receive a guest of great importance," Guild Girl explained without missing a beat, looking very much like she was taking pleasure at all but trapping Undead Master in a net he could not escape from, She requested your party by name and even went through the trouble of making it an official quest with the guild!"

Although it was hard to see given his face was obscured within his darkened helmet, the soft choking sounds that Zombie Priestess could barely make out hinted that Undead Master knew this was something he had no choice in at all.

"Ha! She got you there, Orcbolg!" Banshee Elf Archer howled with laughter, clutching her sides as she rolled around in her seat uncontrollably.

"Huh, we might be able to have that dinner much earlier than we thought," Hollow Dwarf mused. "This works out pretty well for us, actually!"

"Indeed, this is a most fortuitous event." Skeleton Lizardman concurred.

"Well, this will be a change of pace, at least!" Zombie Priestess agree happily.

"You wouldn't want to turn down an official quest from your older sister, would you?" Guild Girl said, holding the sheaf of papers that described the quest, the quest that ostensibly had nothing to do with hunting Goblins, out towards the man who only ever took jobs to hunt them.

A quest that he had no choice but to take.

"We will… we will take the job." Goblin Slayer signed, taking the quest from Guild Girl.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Undead Master and the Goblin Slayers in…

"Is it really okay to split the party like this?"

Starring…

Goblin Slayer as Undead Master
Priestess as Zombie Priestess
High Elf Archer as Banshee Elf Archer
Dwarf Shaman as Hollow Dwarf
Lizardman Priest as Skeleton Lizardman

…And…

Big Sister as Undead Big Sister

A not for profit fanfiction by Sasahara17 based on the dark fantasy adventure series Goblin Slayer by Kumo Kagyu, and inspired by the hit idol group Franchouchou of Saga Prefecture, who were produced and re-animated by Kotaro Tatsumi, Cygames and Studio Mappa.

Please support the official releases!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Undead Master's home wasn't actually that far from the Frontier Town. She had heard it was within a day's walking distance from the Town, in fact. Zombie Priestess hard heard in passing that the rest of Undead Master's family were farmers of a sort, and given that much of the region surrounding the town was into agriculture, she hadn't been too surprise about that.

What did surprise her though, was which particular farmland his family happened to be in charge of.

"Is… Is this really your house?" Zombie Priestess gasped, the metal hoops in her staff jingling from the fact her arms where shaking from both shock and intimidation, "This has to be a mistake, right? This mansion can't be your house, Undead Master!"

She had expected it to be a small farmstead. Just a small brick house, maybe a shed to the side, to be the main residence of a humble rural family. A simple existence, unsullied by time and civilization.

The manor that loomed before the party was arguably the largest single private residence Zombie Priestess had laid her eyes upon. Considering she had already seen the homes of landed nobles and rich merchantmen in her month of travels, this was really saying something. Situated at the very edge of the 10,000 acre farm and vineyard property, the three story tall 42,500 square foot, 11 bedroom Gothic manor was gargantuan, less of a house and more like a small castle.

Whoever owned this manor owned more money than many of the richest nobles of the land.

That was why Zombie Priestess was having such a though time reconciling the man beside her. A mere Silver Rank adventurer in grungy armor that anyone could but from the Guild blacksmith could not possibly be the owner of this more luxurious estate! That simply could not be possible!

"No, it isn't," Undead Master agreed, "This manor is my sisters'."

"I don't think that makes it any better for the poor Lass, Beard Cutter," Hollow Dwarf chuckled, gently taking Zombie Priestess by the arm and leading guiding her towards the two massive oak double doors that served as the manor's main entrance. The rest of the party quickly followed.

"Geez, Orcbolg, is it me or does this place seem a lot more fancy since the last time we came here?" Banshee Elf Archer caned her head around the main foyer as the Adventurers entered, taking in the expensive furniture, marble and granite flooring, the stone gargoyle statute in the center on the room and the large obsidian chandelier that hung overhead, "And does the décor have to be so creepy and gothic? I thought gargoyles are supposed to be on the outside of the manor."

"My sister did a bit of remodeling last month. As for the style of the décor, my sister likes it and it is her house," Undead Master informed his party members.

As he did so, one of the nearby doors opened and a man in well-worn farm work clothes, something that was totally at odds with the luxury of their surroundings, stepped through it.

"Ah. Uncle, Good morning."

"Oh, it's you." The man, who was apparently Undead Master's Uncle, gave the Adventurer a respectful but distant nod in greeting, "I see you and your party accepted your sister's mission."

"I did. I was surprised she didn't say anything to me about it when I set out this morning." Undead Master confirmed, some annoyance creeping into his tone, "In fact, it seems like you knew something of it as well."

"She only told me about it after you had left the house, and my niece doesn't know anything about it yet either since we didn't want to get her hopes up you would be taking her quest instead of a Goblin mission," Uncle explained, "My niece is already outside tending to the cows, by the way. You should stop by after you have seen your sister to say hello. That'll make her day for sure."

"I see," Undead Master mused. "I will be sure to do that, then."

"And as for the rest for you," Uncle's eyes drifted from each Adventurer to another appraisingly, "It is good to see you are doing well, since the last time we met."

"It is good to see you again, Good Sir. It is good to know you and your niece remain in good health," Skeleton Lizardman bowed humbly, "As always, thank you for your hospitality."

"Hey, you lot haven't even been here for any length of time yet, so don't go thanking me so soon," Uncle quipped, "I'll make sure I have some cheeses ready for you once I am done with todays' chores. I know how much you love our produce."

"Really?" Skeleton Lizardman's whole body seemed to energize at the sound of his favorite food.

"Really. It still amazes me a skeleton like you can actually taste the stuff, but if you can appreciate our hard work, far be it from me to stop you," Uncle smiled with a fair bit of pride before turning to the newest member of the group, "And you must be that Priestess I have heard so much about. Good to meet you. Thanks for looking after the boy. I know he can be a real handful."

"I am perfectly capable of taking care of…" Undead Master protested, but was silenced by an elbow to the side from Banshee Elf Archer.

"Hush, Orcbolg." Banshee Elf Archer said, the expression on her face looking making it very obvious she was having far too much fun with what was happening.

"I…It's nice to meet you, Sir!" Zombie Priestess bowed repeatedly. "I'll make sure to keep him safe!"

"Geez, kid. How come the rest of your Adventuring buddies are good people, and you are the way you are? You're the one who is supposed to still have a heartbeat, you know," Uncle grumbled and then jabbed a finger at the large carpeted stairs that led up to the second and third floor, "Look, I've held you up long enough, and we both have things to do. How about you check in with your sister about the job details and we can all have a talk over Lunch, okay?"

"Understood. Where is she?" Undead Master asked.

"In her bedroom. She tried staying up for you, but got too tired so she had to go to bed." Uncle informed the Adventurers, "She did tell me to send you up to her if you showed up, so I think you lot should do that as soon as possible."

"Is that so? Thank you, Uncle," Undead Master concurred, "Please let your niece know I will be here for the foreseeable future, and will see her later after I have seen my sister."

With that, the party parted ways with the farmer and proceeded up to the third floor of the manor. Ad they proceeded through the halls, carpeted in bright crimson wool, Zombie Priestess continued to be overwhelmed by her surroundings. The windows were all stained glass, keeping out the brunt of the suns' rays while letting a sufficient amount of light in. Paintings of adorned the walls, showing beautiful and tranquil scenes of nature and beauty from around the land.

"So, uh, this is your sister's manor?" Zombie Priestess asked, attempting to make small talk in an attempt to quiet her unease, "Does this mean your Uncle and cousin work for your sister, then?"

"Uncle is not blood related to me." Undead Master patiently corrected the younger Adventurer, "I may refer to him as Uncle, but that is because he is a respected family friend who I and my sister have known for much of our lives. His niece is my childhood friend, not my cousin."

"Oh, I see." Zombie Priestess blushed, mentally reproaching herself for her mistake.

Thankfully, Undead Master did not seem offended, and continued to elaborate on the relationship between the two families.

"After an… incident, in our youths cost us our home, Sister and I moved into his farm as we had nowhere else to go. While I underwent an apprenticeship under my Master to become an adventurer, she decided to help around the farm to improve their fortunes. She eventually started a vineyard on a small adjacent land," Undead Master gestured to a golden vase that sat on one of the tabletops they passed in the halls, sounding rather proud at what his sister had accomplished, "It was just a small farmstead when we first arrived."

"Huh, this is the first time I have ever heard of this, Beard Cutter," Hollow Dwarf said, one of his arms idly stroking where his beard used to be, "Now that I think about it, we never talked about how your sister managed to earn all of that. I also didn't know apprenticed under someone."

"It wasn't important during our Adventures, so I didn't mention it," Undead Master shrugged, and continued, "The expanded farm is the property of Uncle, the vineyards to the east and this particular mansion solely belong to my sister after years of labor and hard work."

"That's incredible! She built all this herself?" Banshee Elf Archer held a hand to her open mouth in admiration, "How long did it take her to do this? This sort of fortune takes a lifetime to gather!"

"Seven years, as of last week."

"S-Sev-Seven years?" Banshee Elf Archer's eyes were now as wide as saucers.

She wasn't the only one taken completely by surprised by this, as the other party members too were mimicking her look of bewilderment. Seven years to go from a normal farmstead to a manor to this was mindboggling, especially to an Elf who measured her life in millennia. From the perspective of an Elf, Undead Master's sister had basically snapped her fingers and gained a fortune larger than Banshee Elf Archer had ever seen in her entire life.

All two thousand years of it.

How the heck did no one in the Frontier Town know about this? Surely someone would have noticed that such a behemoth of a company existed! In fact, hadn't Undead Master say earlier that their vineyards hadn't managed to achieve mass production yet? How did any of this make any sense?!
So many questions, whirled though Zombie Priestess mind, but there were no answers to greet her.

"She started the company seven years ago, and has worked hard to build it up since then," Undead Master continued, clearly not realizing the enormity of what he was saying, "Sister attempted to transfer titles of the properties to Uncle out of gratitude for taking us in, but he refused. All she was able to do was give him half a stake in her company and make it a joint venture."

"S-Sounds like your Uncle is a fair man." Hollow Dwarf gulped, clearly impressed the man would have the integrity to turn down such a windfall.
"He is. I have not met many men I respect as much as him." Undead Master nodded just as the party Arrived before a particularly ornate door at the end of the hall, "This is my sisters' room."

Although he had been previously briefed by Uncle, Undead Master nevertheless took the time to knock twice to announce his arrival, and waited a further minute or so before gently turning the handle and proceeding in with his party in tow.

The room was pitch black, but thanks to Undead Night Vision the four Adventurers could see just fine. The room was extremely large, expected for the owner of this most extravagant manor. Expensive looking wooden tables, drawers and cupboards furnished the room, giving the room a classy feel that all but screamed nobility. In the corner of the room there was a large desk that was weighed down by large stacks of papers, neighbored by several much-used filing cabinets. This was where the lady of the manor must do her daily work.

And in the center of the room was a luxurious large four poster bed, with bedsheets of the finest silk and a canopy dyed the color of scarlet… and on that bed was something that caused Zombie Priestess to choke, sniffling a scream of surprise that threated to break out in response.

"Sister, I have returned home in response to your request to the guild," Undead Master announced professionally, "Please let me know the details of the mission."

As if by some supernatural power, the lid of the obsidian coffin that rested on the sheets slid off without a sound. The occupant within, arms still crossed over her chest, rose from lying to standing through levitation, the shadowy black night dress she wore shimmering before transforming by magic into a professional businesswomen's outfit. The body pillow with the picture of the King, that had unfortunately followed her up when she levitated to a standing position, tumbled over to the side of the coffin when gravity reasserted itself onto it.

Her closed eyes spanned open, revealing crimson irises.

"Hello, little brother." Vampire Sister greeted the necromancer with a warm, homely smile… one that unfortunately showed the fangs in her mouth. "It looks like I got you to take a job involving something other than Goblins today!"

"Yes, you did, Big sister." Undead Master sighed. "Yes, you did."

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Among all the evil creatures in the land, there is no villain greater than a Vampire.

As Undead monsters that sustained themselves upon the lifeblood of the living, the existence of a Vampire was predicated on the destruction of others. They were murderers by their very nature, and there were many stories of the terror they visited upon the houses of men.

A master of disguise who could shift their form at will, the Vampire blended seamlessly into the society of mortals, draining the lifeblood of many innocent souls without anyone being the wiser of their presence as a hidden sickness upon civilization.

Cunning, unscrupulous, and commanding powers of persuasion that could bend the wills of men, Vampire could amass wealth that could be used for many nefarious schemes. This wealth would allow them commanded armies of mercenaries, monsters and familiars that were the equal of the finest knightly orders, and their lairs were often fortresses made by the best architects in the land.

Vampires would ascend to highest places in society, only a fool would dare attack them without exposing their true nature first… it is said one Vampire even had the ear of the previous King, feeding the Dark Lord information that almost caused the downfall of the Kingdom.

Even still, Should their disguise be pierced, their insidious plots be exposed, and their armies and fortresses defeated, a Vampire had the strength of a hundred men, and commanded the dark powers even the greatest evil wizards would fear. For all their supposed weaknesses, no Undead was as dangerous as the Vampire, and there were many stories about would be Vampire hunters falling prey to they very thing they had tried to stop. Vampires were the ultimate predators, and to think them anything but would be the epitome of foolishness.

If there was one thing Zombie Priestess had grown up knowing in the Abbey, it was this: Any specimen of the Vampire race would have to be respected and feared.

Such as the Vampire that had just exited the manor's kitchen and was making her way to the long dining table where the five Adventurers waited, a large pot of in her hands containing some kind of stew she had cooked herself for them to consume.

Zombie Priestess couldn't help think back to the stories of her youth, and feel a little but cheated.

"Sorry this isn't something more elaborate," Vampire Sister apologized sheepishly, "I actually had a few new cheese-based recipes I wanted to try, but I got a little tired staying up so late into the morning and wasn't entirely sure if you were going to show up so…"

"Stew if fine, sister." Undead Master reassured the Vampire as she set the pot down in on the table between the five Adventurers, and distributed a number of serving bowls and spoons.

"Even so, I'll bring some cheeses out for your Lizardman friend here," Vampire Sister decided, turning to give Skeleton Lizardman a knowing wink, "I'll be sure to bring out some of our cold cuts while I am at it from the underground freezer for everyone to try."

"Thank you, Sister."

"Oh! Nectar! This will be much appreciated ma'am!" Skeleton Lizardman rubbed his hands together eagerly at the thought of more of his favorite food, while Vampire Sister all but melted into her own shadow and vanished from the room, presumably to get just that.

"Um, Undead Master's sister does know that we only just head breakfast, right?" Zombie Priestess pointed out while they waited for their apparent hostess to return, "She doesn't really have to go out of her way to make us so comfortable, especially since she has only just woken up."

"It's a Vampire thing." Banshee Elf Archer shrugged and began helping herself to the stew, something that the rest of the party quickly followed in doing.

Honestly, it still amazed Zombie Priestess that, despite the fact most of them didn't have functioning internal organs (or internal organs at all, for that matter), she and her fellow Adventurers were able to eat such scrumptious food. Not that she was complaining, of course.

"Vampires are bound by many curses as part of their nature," Hollow Dwarf elaborated while the other party members busied themselves with the food they had been given, "One of the many curses imposed upon Vampires by the Gods of Order to offset their power is the Curse of Hospitality. Surely you heard the tale where a Vampire cannot enter a home unless first invited in?"

"Well, yes, I have," Zombie Priestess recalled, thinking back to the stories she had heard, "Does this mean that when a Guest arrives, this means that a Vampire must treat them kindly?

"Yep. When she is the host the curse flips right back around. As long as we were invited in and until we take hostile actions against her, she is compelled to treat us as a host," Hollow Dwarf rumbled, "If we were intruders or if one of her guests was stupid enough to attack her, then the story would be very different, that is the gist of it."

"Honestly, Vampires have a lot of unusual habits thanks to all the weird stuff the Gods inflicted on them," Banshee Elf Archer said bemusedly, "She has this creepy sense of fashion, keeps putting gargoyles everywhere, has this awful fascination with organizing things, has an attention to detail and mathematics that honestly borders on disturbing…"

"Sister's talent with numbers is one of the main reasons she was able to become so wealthy. I would not consider that to be a bad thing." Undead Master admonished the Elf, irritation seeming to radiate off his being at the fact one of his party members was speaking ill of his beloved sister.

"Orcbolg, you do remember what happened when Cow Girl accidentally spilled a bag of rice, right?" Banshee Elf Archer retorted with a raised eyebrow, "It took all four of us to get her to stop counting and pull her out of the room while your Uncle cleared that mess up. Seriously, that's weird."

"The Curse of Counting is a strange one, indeed." Hollow Dwarf agreed.

"…Sister is mostly gotten that under control?"

"I'm back!" Vampire Sister chirped happily as she materialized back in the room, saying a large wooden serving board filled to the brim with choice cuts of meats and cheeses. Setting it down on the table, eliciting a cry of delight from Skeleton Lizardman, the Lady of the house took her seat at the head of the table while four of the Adventurers delightfully helped themselves to the food.

The fifth Adventurer, however, got straight to business.

"Sister, you called us back here stating that you have a quest for us," Undead Master stated professionally from where he now sat to the Vampire's right, "I also took note of the sizeable reward you set for the quest. I know despite our relationship, you would not have posted such a quest if it was not a matter of import. I would like for you elaborate on the details, if you please."

"Very well," Vampire Sister leaned forward, resting her elbows on the tables and steeping her fingers before her as she did so, "Seven days ago, while you away on your last Goblin slaying mission, I received a missive from the Water Town that a representative of the Supreme God wanted to visit our estate to see our new wine business."

"A representative of the Supreme God is coming here?" Zombie Priestess took a moment from eating her stew to gasp in surprise and worry, "But, you're a Vampire! Are in in danger?"

"Thankfully, no. I am in no danger at all. The person coming to see me is an old acquaintance, and is well aware of my nature." Vampire Priestess reassured the the young Zombie a with a smile.

"Ah. Her." Undead Master exclaimed.

"Yes, Her," Vampire Sister confirmed, before turning to Zombie Priestess, "For the benefit of Zombie Priestess, who may not know this, the wines produced by our vineyards were limited and quantity and were very exclusive. Up until recently, most of our revenue came from our wheat, dairy and meat products. With the new facilities, mass production of our wines would be possible."

"I see. But what would a wine company have to offer the Church of the Supreme God?" Zombie Priestess asked aloud.

"It is actually quite simple," Vampire Sister explained, "You may have already heard of this, but the first is that the Supreme God is trying to reduce his church's reliance on dogma. He wants them to adhere to the sprit of his teachings, and not the letter. Hence, recent provisions encouraging the moderate use of wine in many of their holy rituals."

"Wine and other forms of alcohol can be used as a spell reagent in many sorcerous rituals. If you recall I used wine as a reagent in reviving Lady Revenant," Undead Master said, causing both Hollow Dwarf and Skeleton to nod in agreement, "While the Church of the Earth Mother has always been more restrained, the use of wines, particularly high-quality wines, is commonplace."

Zombie Priestess had to admit he had a point there. The Church of the Earth Mother had always been much more conservative than the Church of the Supreme God. She had grown up believing in abstaining from sinful vices such as alcohol, profanity, and 'fraternization' with the other gender outside wedlock. In fact, Zombie Priestess too had some initial difficulties in wrestling with the idea of wearing chainmail armor, something expressly prohibited by the Earth Mother's teachings!

However since becoming a Zombie, Zombie Priestess had found that the Supreme God's Church was not the only one undergoing upheaval… something she knew firsthand since she was the one who instigated the whole thing by just existing!

"The representative who is coming is one of the Supreme Gods' major instruments in instating this reform in his Church on this mortal plane. She was apparently told by him that our ritual wines are second to none," Vampire Sister continued explaining looking very pleased her hard work had managed to get the approval of the Supreme God himself, "Because of that, she wants to see our facilities for herself and then secure a set capacity of the first batch before someone else, like the Magicians' Guild, can lock her out of it."

"That is true. However, that does not explain why our presence is required, or why you had to go through the Adventurer's guild to acquire our services," Undead Master affirmed folding his arms impatiently, "Heavy Swordsman and Lady Knight would have been sufficient as an honor guard, and would not have carried the same baggage my Undead party members would have brought."

"Come, now little brother. You know what she thinks of you." Vampire Sister replied cheekily.

"…I'm sorry?" Undead Master tilted his head in confusion.

"Nice try, Big Sister, but Orcbolg is still as dense as ever!" Banshee Elf Archer laughed, causing Hollow Dwarf and Skeleton Lizardman to also emit short-lived chuckles. This left poor Zombie Priestess, lacking the context as to what was happening, rather lost as a result.

"Oh, dear. You still haven't caught on. What am I to do with you? Father would be so disappointed if he were to see you right now," Vampire Sister shook her head sadly before returning to the business at hand, "I have two reasons that I wanted a ceremonial guard, specially the Goblin Slayers as a ceremonial guard. First, is that she is very fond of your group…"

"Of course!" Hollow Dwarf rumbled, thumping a hand against his metal chest with a clang.

"Indeed. Milord Undead Master was the one who solved her sleepless nights," Skeleton Lizardman agreed, "I dare say despite her rank, none would make her feel safer more than he."

"…and second, I expect the estate to come under attack from a Goblin Horde during he stay, and need more hands on deck to keep her mind of it while the estate's defenses do their work."

Fours sets of spoons were simultaneously set down with a clang. Meanwhile, the red glow lit up from within Undead Master's helmet once more.
"I checked the grounds this morning," Undead Master stated, "I saw no sign of Goblins."

"The intrusion was at the far edge of the vineyards, away from your usual patrol routes. My fruit bat familiars picked them up not too long ago," Vampire Sister corrected him, "It isn't your fault. 1,000 acres is a very large area to patrol."

"I see. That has been a concern of mine, as of late." Undead Master mused.

"So, sorry, little brother. I fibbed a little earlier," Vampire Sister smiled widely, a fangs quite visible to all who saw her, "This is a Goblin Slaying quest, for you after all."

"Thank you, Sister." Undead Master said, "You are most considerate."

"That I am, little brother."

"So we'll be fighting Goblins again?" Banshee Elf Archer slumped in her seat, looking very disappointed since she had been hoping for something a little different than the usual fare.

"Actually, No," Vampire Sister turned to the other four Adventurers, "My brother will be taking care of the Goblins, since I know better than to try and keep him away from that. The rest of us will be keeping my guest occupied and blissfully unaware of the Goblins outside while my brother works."

"That could be quite perilous, Madam Sister," Skeleton Lizardman tapped a bony finger on the surface of the table with concern, "You know as well as I how afraid she is about Goblins. Would it not make sense to inform her of the threat and reschedule the visit until the threat has passed?"

"That would have been my preferred course of action, but I don't think that will be possible due to her tight schedule. Her duties demand her attention in many places, unfortunately," Vampire Sister admitted sheepishly, "However, considering my brother and the defenses we have installed will be protecting her and this estate, I do not see a problem. Besides, I plan to overload her with food at the time, so we should have plenty to distract her with!"

"This… this is… I must confess that this is a most unusual quest." Skeleton Lizardman mumbled.

"Aye, to actually sit out on a fight that we know is happening outside while tending to a guest?" Hollow Dwarf shook his head in bewilderment, "I don't think there's been a quest like this in all the history of the Guild. Our report at the end of this is going to be an interesting one."

"Well, at least we won't be dealing with the Goblins directly," Banshee Elf Archer chirped happily, her spirits restored once more, "And hey, since this is his home there is no way Undead Master would use anything on this List to damage it! Good food, good drink, good company, this is the best quest we've had together, yet!"

Zombie Priestess gulped, apprehension rising in her chest. D-Did Banshee Elf Archer just tempt fate?

"Indeed, it appears that everything has worked out for us," Undead Master concurred, the glow of his eye intensifying malevolently, "I will slay the Goblins."

Oh, dear.

"Don't worry," Vampire Sister said upon noticing Zombie Priestess' unease, "Just think of it as a family dinner with a very important guest. You'll be fine!"

Zombie Priestess wasn't so sure about that.

"Oh Earth Mother… Is it really okay to split the party like this?" Zombie Priestess silently prayed.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

"Young lady, I would like to have a moment with you, if you please."

Zombie Priestess had been following the rest of the party out of the dining room to begin their preparations when the voice of the Mistress of the house took her completely off guard. Zombie Priestess turned to find the woman still seated at the head of the table, a smile still on her face as an idle hand guested for Zombie Priestess to sit back down.

"I am terribly sorry as I know you and the rest of your party need to get yourselves settled in, but I would like to take this chance to get to know the newest member of my brother's party," Vampire Sister inclined her hear enthrallingly while meeting Zombie Priestess' eyes, "Would you kindly take a seat so that I may have a quick word with you? I won't be long, I promise."

Zombie Priestess turned to the other members of her party questioningly. While Undead Master had already left to meet his childhood friend who was out minding the cattle, the other Adventurers had planned to move their effects on the guest rooms in the house before making their own preparations for the trials ahead. In fact, the three Silver Ranked Adventurers had planned on giving Zombie Priestess a tour of the estate to ensure she knew the lay of the land, and to also check to see if anything had changed since the last time they had visited.

However, the sudden request from Vampire Sister had seemingly put Zombie Priestess on guard. Zombie Priestess hadn't yet gotten used to the idea of being in the presence of such a powerful being existing, let alone being alone in the same room as one. For this reason, the poor girl was unsurprisingly intimidated by the prospect of a private chat with Vampire Sister, even though logic and reason told her she had nothing to fear from the sister of the man who saved her life.

"There's no danger. Lass," Hollow Dwarf said reassuringly with a comforting pat on the shoulder, "The good lady just wants to get to know you better. We can always give you the tour later."

"Do not worry, young Priestess," Skeleton Lizardman added with a tilt of his head, "Despite her circumstances, Madam Sister is a kindly soul and would not mean you any harm. I do believe that speaking with her would in fact earn you a friend."

"Besides, it's not as if you have any blood for her to drink!" Banshee Elf Archer quipped playfully before gently nudging Zombie Priestess back into the room, "Don't worry, I'll find a good room for you to put your bags. Just enjoy yourself, okay?"

With that, Zombie Priestess was let alone with Vampire Sister as the other members of her party scurried off to move into the guest rooms of the house. Taking a soft, resigned sigh, Zombie Priestess walked over to the vacant chair that was just to Vampire Sister's left and sat down.

"Hello, dear," Vampire Sister smiled, resting her elbow on the table while propping up her chin, "It's so good to finally meet you after hearing so much about you. Brother has told much about you."

"R-Really?" Zombie Priestess said, feeling very uncomfortable at that moment. Undead Master had been talking about her? To his family? He didn't seem like the type to do so, but now that she knew he did, Zombie Priestess suddenly felt very self-conscious. The way that Vampire Sister was looking at her now made Zombie Priestess feel like she was being interviewed for something really important, and the inexperienced Adventurer had no idea what to do.

Oh, how she wished she could have gone with the rest of the party!

"I was quite surprised to hear he took on another party member, especially one who was a Priestess of the Earth Mother," Vampire Sister admitted curiously, "My brother is not one to socialize very much you see, and to hear he went out of his way to revive you without anyone prodding him to struck me as something very strange."

"Huh? Undead Master went out of his way to revive me?" Zombie Priestess blinked in confusion.

"Yes, I think you might have been aware of this already, but my brother used to Adventurer on his own," Vampire Sister said, "Outside of his abilities as a necromancer, my brother is a bit of a jack of all trades. Unlike many specialized Adventurers, he can pretty much figure out a solution to almost any kind of problem on his own given enough time. For almost five years he worked on his own."

"But then he teamed up with the other party members, right?" Zombie Priestess recalled her party mentioning they had been revived by him after they had met their ends at the hands of an Ogre just over half a year ago. Up until that incident, Undead Master had been acting on his own.
He must have seen something in them that prompted him to revive them and form a party with him, just as he had seen the anger and hate left over in Lady Revenant's corpse when he brought her back as a Revenant. At least, that was what Zombie Priestess had assumed all this time.

"Well, sort of," Vampire Sister laughed, "Actually, about half a year ago, his childhood friend and I got a fed up with the way he didn't have any friends and staged an intervention!"

"Wait, what?" Zombie Priestess said, eyebrows rising in surprise.

"On her last visit to the Guild, his childhood friend discovered my brother had a terrible reputation among the other Adventurers," Vampire Sister huffed at the memory, "I mean, we always knew he was going to be a little weird since he was so focused on hunting goblins, but when we discovered he was doing this completely alone without anybody to have Adventurers with… Oh, I was so mad!"

Zombie Priestess watched the minor tirade the Vampire had just launched into with increasing astonishment. The young Adventurers' mind, one that was fairly bright, was beginning to see where this tale was leading to… however the end result was so bizarre, that Zombie Priestess was having a hard time believing her conclusion could be accurate. It couldn't possibly be the case, right?

"So, the two of us sat my brother down one day and told him in no uncertain terms to go out and make some friends," Vampire sister revealed sheepishly, "What we meant was for him to go out and do some Adventuring with the other people in the guild. Like that buxom Witch or that pretty young Lady Knight I saw with my familiars. But instead…"

"…he went ought and revived a party of recently deceased Silver Ranked Adventurers he found on his next Adventure, right?" Zombie Priestess finished, wondering if she should pity or praise her new party members for being so phenomenally lucky that Undead Master had crossed their path.

To think her entire party had come about because of a miscommunicated intervention by an older sister trying to get her younger brother to make some new friends! Zombie Priestess knew the dice were a fickle thing that sometimes led to some very strange situations… but really?

Each and every time Zombie Priestess believe she had found the limits to ridiculousness, the world had gone out of its' way to prove her wrong.

"I fear that it was my fault there, as I didn't quite impress upon him that the friends he was supposed to make were not undead like myself. I think he thought I would be able to make friends with them as well if he made them Undead," Vampire Sister pressed a hand to her cheek and gave out a worried sigh, "It was a nice gesture, but honestly, what am I going to do with that boy?"

"Oh, Earth Mother, is this really your will?" Zombie Priestess quietly prayed.

"But I think that carries me back to the point I wanted to discuss with you," Vampire Priestess lowered her hand and rested both of them on the tabletop while she gave Zombie Priestess her undivided attention, "It came as a surprise to everyone that my brother revived you as a Zombie, young woman. Why, I thought he was joking at first when I heard the news!"

"Is… i-is that so?" Zombie Priestess stammered, the attention now being back on her resulting in her earlier nervousness returning at full force. "W-why would you think that?"

"I think you may have noticed that my brother is a man that prizes efficiency and effectiveness above all else," Vampire Sister elaborated, "He is not a man to waste time, effort or resources on things he does not feel are worthwhile. One of the reasons he spent so long as a solo Adventurer was because he never needed any party members."

"I see.' Zombie Priestess nodded as she followed the Vampire's words.

"Thus, it came as a surprise to me that he revived you."

Vampire Sister's eyes looked deeply into Zombie Priestess own, the deep red pools seemingly endless in the dim light of the dining room. It was almost mesmerizing, and Zombie Priestess had the distinct impression that Vampire Sister was looking into her very soul.

"Brother had already had the rest of his party as 'friends'. He and the Lizardman were capable healers, if in different ways. They did not truly need a dedicated healer. The party as a whole are considered to veterans, all capable with years of experience under their belts. But you," the intensity of Vampire Sister's gaze seemed to intensify as a small enigmatic smile began to blossom on her blood red lips, "You are an interesting one, young Priestess. A Porcelain who died on her first Adventure, with only a two miracles and faith as your only advantages at the time of your death? And my brother, a person who chose to quest alone for five years, chose you to join him in his Adventures on his own free will?"

"I… I've gotten better?" Zombie Priestess said on reflex, but was inwardly beginning to realize just what the Vampire was getting at. Why the Vampire was so interested in her. That realization was something that disquieted Zombie Priestess more than being in the same room as one of the most powerful beings in the land.

"I can see you have a good heart, and a kind soul," Vampire Sister said turning her head away and finally breaking eye contact, "I have an inkling as to why my brother decided to go on his Adventure with you, but from the looks of it you have no clue."

"I… I don't." Zombie Priestess admitted, lowering her eyes while trying to calm her racing mind.

Banshee Elf Archer, Hollow Dwarf and Skeleton Lizardman had been revived because Vampire Sister had prompted Undead Master to find partners in his adventures. Lady Revenant had accidentally been brought back as a what should have been a temporary measure to bolster their forces, and the rest of the Revenants being an experiment to see if what had happened could be repeated.

Undead Master was a man who never did things without a reason. His party had been brought back from the dead because his family wanted him to have Adventuring partners. The Revenants had been intended to reinforce their fighting capabilities against the goblins. Logical, practical reasons.
In contrast to all this… Undead Master had chosen her. A rookie adventurer with nothing to offer. Whatever justifications she could think of, whatever justification Zombie Priestess had been given, ignored the fact there could have been something better that Undead Master could have done.

"I would suggest that you talk to my brother, once this business with the Goblins and the visitor is done with." Vampire Sister said as she gracefully rose from her chair, the smile on her face not wavering even once, "I think it will be a good experience for the both of you."

Zombie Priestess nodded shyly, a sensation she couldn't describe settling itself into her stomach.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

As much as Zombie Priestess had wanted to meet Undead Master straight away to ask the questions that so burned within her heart, there were thing she had to do. Although this was Undead Master's home, and his family, the Goblin Slayers had come here with a job to do.

Zombie Priestess had quickly reunited with the rest of the party, and true to their word they had moved her effects into a comfortable Guest room. Much to Zombie Priestess' delight, the room she would be staying in for the duration of the Adventure was far more luxurious than any accommodation she had ever been in before, and overlooked the main gardens of the estate to give her a great view to wake up to in the morning.

"I have to admit, whoever Orcbolg's sister hired to design the gardens has very good taste. Even as an Elf, I have to say the arrangement is very nice on many levels" Banshee Elf Archer quipped while Zombie Priestess looked out her the guestroom window in wonder at the sights before her, "I do think that there is too much red in the arrangement, though. I know she is supposed to be a Vampire, but some variety would have been nice."

"If you like this room so much, you could probably ask Beard Cutter's sister if she would let you have it on a more permanent basis," Hollow Dwarf joked while his hand idly attempted to stroke his non-existent beard, "They rarely get enough guests as it is, and the house has more rooms than they know what to do with. I'm sure they'll let you have the room if you want!"

After getting themselves set up, the group promptly went on a tour of the manor to familiarize Zombie Priestess with it. They would be assisting the host in both entertaining and protecting their very important guest, and knowing the layout of the manor would be absolutely crucial in doing just that. Indeed, with Vampire Sister's propensity to renovate the place, a good refresher for the three experienced Adventurers was been prudent as well.

The manor was extensive. In addition to the 11 bedrooms spread across three floors, the massive building had a variety of facilities, both indoor and outdoor, that served to showcase Vampire Sister's extravagant wealth.

"An indoor hot spring? This wasn't here the last time we came by," Banshee Elf Archer clasped her hands in excitement as she took in the small, but nevertheless impressive, indoor pool that took up much of the manor's East wing, "Oh, I can't wait to try swimming in this!"

"Oh, and I see enchanted fire stones lining the bottom of the pool. My word, it is heated as well!" Hollow Dwarf observed, more than impressed at the solid construction work that went into it.

Indeed, the indoor pool was practically its' own building. Solid brick walls with arched stained-glass windows lined the sides, a stained-glass skylight that spanned the room loomed two stories overhead, and a single gargoyle statue sat in the far end of the facility, water pouring out of its' mouth to feed the pool around it. The sheer luxury of what was before the four Adventurers gave mind to the best bathhouses of the Goddess of Baths.

"If we weren't on the job, I would really want to try swimming in this," Zombie Priestess sighed dreamily, "I know I'm undead, but I think this place would do wonders for my skin!"

"Given our guest has a well-known love for heated baths, I think she would very much appreciate this when she arrives," Skeleton Lizardman agreed with his friends as the group, reluctantly in the case of their female members, moved on.

Following that, their tour took them to the small but well-equipped Gym that only Uncle seemed to use, the grand Ballroom that nobody actually used, a magnificent Library that included an entire section filled with Dark Tomes that would have the Magician's Academy would have sold their souls for… and then there was the Gallery in the West wing.

"Look at all these paintings," Zombie Priestess said in wonder as her eyes went from display to display, taking in the magnificent vistas that had been captured in each one with near lifelike accuracy, "I thought the paintings back in the halls were good, but there are truely incredible! Undead Master is really into art, isn't she?"

"Unfortunately, it is a little more complicated than that, young Priestess." Skeleton Lizardman said stiffly from where he watched Zombie Priestess admire the works before her.

"What do you mean?" Zombie Priestess turned away from the paintings, picking up on the discomfort in the older Adventurer's tone.

"Young Priestess, do you not notice how all these paintings are of nature at its most beautiful in the daylight?" Skeleton Lizardman asked sadly.
"Yes, the colors in these… oh." Zombie Priestess felt a lump form in her throat.

"Madam Sister may have largely come to terms with what she is, and what she has lost, but there will always be a part of her that longs for what she cannot have. Her loss is something Milord Undead Master is keenly aware of," Skeleton Lizardman turned away, his gaze turning distant, "Her sorrow is one of the reasons for his unquenchable anger."

Zombie Priestess was still very much lacking in the details of the story, but if Goblins were truly responsible for making Vampire Sister what she was, then perhaps that explained a bit about Undead Master's obsession. How 'Goblins' led to 'Vampires', tough, was something Zombie Priestess was having a hard time trying to understand. There was a story behind that, she knew.

"Her sentiment is something every single member of our party can sympathize with." Skeleton Lizardman lamented, laying one of his massive hands on Zombie Priestess' shoulder, "We have all lost something on the paths we have walked. All of us, without exception."

"How cruel." Zombie Priestess whispered, her heart going out to the Vampire. She knew they had all lost something since becoming Undead, but to see Vampire Princess invest some much of her wealth into a grim reminder of what she had lost was something that pulled at the kindly Priestess' heartstrings. And worse, from Skeleton Lizardman's own words, her own friends must be carrying a similar feeling of loss in their hearts. How cruel, indeed.

"Unfortunately, due to you own circumstances, you may in time find that you too will experience that same feeling in time," Skeleton Lizardman told her sadly, "Take heart though, for if and when you do feel such loss, we will be right there beside you to support you."

"Thank you." Zombie Priestess replied softly, unable to bring herself to say more.

After that sorry exchange, it was understandable after that that Zombie Priestess had no appetite to remain in the Gallery anymore than she already had.

The tour then continued to the Game Room which was surprisingly inferior to the once boasted by the Guild, before it led down to the basement where the wine cellars containing rows upon rows of bottles were stored on shelves.

"This is what I am talking about," Hollow Dwarf laughed, clapping his gauntlets together in appreciation at the sight of good alcohol before him, "Beard Cutter and his sister weren't kidding when they said they were ramping up to mass production. Looks like their boasts were not all talk!"

"Huh, it looks like there is another door at the far end of the cellar," Zombie Priestess squinted, her night vision proving to be an asset once more, "What's over there? Should we go further in?"

"Yeah, nope. Let's not do that. That goes down to a place where I really, really don't want go if I ever want to sleep well for the rest of my life." Banshee Elf Archer quickly grabbed Zombie Priestess and pulled her back towards the stairs to the foyer.

With that final stop, the tour of the manor had concluded.

The party walked up the stairs and returned to the foyer, and found Undead Master and a young woman in famer's clothes waiting for them, apparently having just returned from dealing with the cattle outside. A cursory look out the window showed that the sun was beginning to descend below the horizon, indicating that the four Adventurers had taken more time than they had expected doing the tour. Dinner would be soon.

"Oh, you're all done with your tour of the manor," The young woman, who happened to be Undead Master's childhood friend 'Cow Girl', greeted the Adventurers warmly, "I just wanted to let you all know be preparing dinner within an hour. I'll bring it out to the dining room when it is ready."
"Much obliged, young Miss!" Hollow Dwarf said approvingly as Cow Girl headed off to the kitchen, humming all the way.

"How was the inspection of the manor?" Undead Master asked once his childhood friend had departed, "There have been several changes due to the extensive renovations, and you need to need to have familiarized yourself with the layout by the time 'She' arrives tomorrow afternoon."

"Hey, give us more credit, Orcbolg," Banshee Elf Archer huffed and crossed her arms over her chest, clearly irritated by his query, "We're veteran Adventurers. We know what we are doing. Remembering the layout of a single manor like this is child play for people like us."

"I know, but I need to be sure," Undead Master said in the closest thing she would probably get to an apology, "This meeting is very important for my sister, and it needs to go well for her. Given I will be busy Slaying the Goblins outside…"

"Heh, don't worry yourself over this, Beard Cutter!" Hollow Dwarf thumped his chest proudly with a resonating clang, "We are on the job. As long as you keep the Goblins out of the building, we'll make sure that you guest will be none the wiser. We didn't get to Silver Rank by sitting around!"

"If you are sure…?"

"Fret not, Milord Undead Master," Skeleton Lizardman stepped his hands before him in prayer, "As your comrades, know that we will do everything in our power to assist your kin. We owe you and her a great deal, and it would shame all of us if we were to fail you."

"Don't worry, Sir, we will do our best!" Zombie Priestess chipped in. She was by far the most inexperienced of the group, and was well aware she was the weak link, but she knew in her heart that her enthusiasm and effort would offset her deficiencies in skill.

"Is that so?" Undead Master paused, mulling over the responses he received thoughtfully before coming to a decision, "Very well. Thank you all. I will be leaving Sword Maiden in your care while I fight the Goblins."

"That is good to-waitwhat?"

Zombie Priestess wondered if she had heard wrong. Did Undead Master say the member of the clergy that was visiting the manor was Sword Maiden? The famed Archbishop of the Supreme God, a legendary Gold Ranked adventurer who once helped slay the Demon Lord? One of the greatest, most powerful heroes in the land, was coming to visit this manor that was owned by a Vampire?

A renowned hero whose wellbeing that Zombie Priestess, an Zombie that was an abomination that was against everything the Supreme God's Church stood for, now was responsible for?

Surely that couldn't be the case, right?

Right?

"It's been a while since we last saw Sword Maiden," Hollow Dwarf rumbled nostalgically, "I wonder whether she ever put those Scrolls we retrieved for her to good use."

"If you are curious, you can ask her yourself," Skeleton Lizardman supplied, "Although I have heard that many Generals of the allied armies have been using Scrolls in their battles. Although I cannot be sure, perhaps Sword Maiden delivered them to the King and his Generals?"

"Aye. That would be the logical conclusion if those stories are true." Hollow Dwarf agreed.

"You guys can ask her about our old Adventures if you want. I'm more interested in introducing Sword Maiden to our newest member here," Banshee Elf Archer threw an arm around Zombie Priestess shoulders playfully, an excited grin on the Elf's face, "Our new rookie is so adorable, I'm sure Sword Maiden will take to our new Priestess straight away!"

"Sword Maiden would be very interested in our new member, wouldn't she?" Skeleton Lizardman agreed, "She has always mentioned in her letters that she feared for Milord Undead Master's health, and that it would be more prudent to have more healers in the party."

"Aye, now that I think about it, she did mention something of the sort," Hollow Dwarf agreed, "I daresay she will be most interested in our newest member indeed!"

"And hey, this means three of us ladies having a good time in the pool," Banshee Elf Archer cheered, clearly liking this idea more and more, "Sword Maiden is going to love you!"

Zombie Priestess turned her eyes skyward once more, wondering if perhaps her life would have been simpler if she had remained dead.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

To Be Continued!

Undead Master and the Goblin Slayers will return in…

"Is it wrong to have a family dinner while there is a massacre going on outside?"

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

A/N – FYI, I've re-titled the chapter to something more appropriate ("Is it really okay to split the party like this?" – I've also amended the title drop in the appropriate scene) to save "Is it acceptable to have a family dinner while there is a massacre going on outside?" for the chapter where such a title can deliver the most impact... which is in fact the next chapter. It is a little sad that things are moving slower than I want them too, but that's the way it goes unfortunately. I'll also be revising all the previous segments to correct the multitude of errors I left behind and to smooth out some stuff now that I have a better idea what I am doing. Hopefully that will go well. Thanks for reading!

 

[sasahara17]

I have to find a way to work that Kashima Gatalympics into this thing. Holy crap, the guys behind Zombieland Saga are pure geniuses. Geniuses, I tell you!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

She was beautiful.

That was the only way Zombie Priestess could described the radiant, legendary woman that had stepped out of the wooden carriage and was now standing at the end of the red carpet that had been rolled out to receive her.

Her silky long hair glittered like spun gold in the evening light. Her lithe figure was perfectly proportioned, the envy of many lesser women. The sword of justice at her side and the power and virtue that radiated off her very being left Zombie Priestess no doubt as to who this woman was.

"Hello, Goblin Slayers. It has indeed been a while since I last saw you." Sword Maiden, the blindfold across her eyes the only imperfection in her otherwise flawless appearance, inclined her head slightly in greeting as she slowly made her down the red carpet to where the five Adventurers waited to greet her at the main door of the manor.

Zombie Priestess, clad in the best white and blue dress she had ever worn, was practically shaking in her heels as the living legend approached. Never in her wildest dreams did Zombie Priestess ever believe she would have to play host to such an esteemed figure so soon into her Adventuring career! Zombie Priestess was but a humble servant of the Earth Mother, and dealing with a woman who felled the Dark Lord was far beyond what any Porcelain was expected to do.

Worse still, the fact Zombie Priestess was standing there without any of her makeup, meaning her ghastly green skin and undead nature was plain for all to see, didn't help her nerves any. In fact, none of her fellow Adventurers had their disguises on either.

It didn't matter that everyone, save Undead Master who was still clad in his usual armor, was dressed in the finest clothing in the frontier. It didn't matter the other three Undead Silvers had assured her Sword Maiden would understand. Zombie Priestess so high strung from the fact a small circus of Undead horrors were proudly presenting themselves to the greatest heroine of the land, it was a wonder the poor Zombie could even function!

"Welcome, Archbishop," Undead Master stepped forward and silently, and more importantly rudely, towards Sword Maiden, "You have come to see my sister to do a business deal, yes?"

"H-Hold on, Sir," Zombie Priestess tried to say discretely from behind the armored man, feeling absolutely horrified by their leader's total lack of tact, "S-She just arrived. Shouldn't you exchange more pleasantries before getting to business?"

"This is a business trip, and she came here to settle a specific matter. Would it not make sense to address this upfront?" Undead Master replied quizzically.

"But, Sir…!"

"Let it go," Banshee Elf Archer advised Zombie Priestess gently, "Orcbolg has always been like this."

"Far more impatient than any Elf." Hollow Dwarf agreed.

"Do not worry, young one. Sword Maiden knows him well and would not take offence for his actions." Skeleton Lizardman added quickly.
Sword Maiden watched this exchange in silence, a small nostalgic smile settling on her dainty features. Perhaps she found amusement in this comfortable behavior, so different from the rigid protocol of the church. Perhaps she was remembering her own experiences from a time long ago when she too, was a mere Adventurer.

Whatever the case though, it was clear Sword Maiden approved.

"It is heartening to know your Adventures have not changed you in the slightest, Good Sir," Sword Maiden remarked politely, her head then turning to regard the other party members behind Undead Master, "Honored Elf, Honored Dwarf, Honored Naga. It is good too meet you again, as well."

"And we you, your Holiness," Skeleton Lizardman clasped his hands together in prayer and bowed, with Banshee Elf Archer, Hollow Dwarf and Zombie Priestess all making their gestures of reverence to the Archbishop, "As always, our services are at your command for your stay here."

"You honor me greatly, all of you. And you have a new member among your ranks," Sword Maiden's attention then turned to the Zombie Priestess, forcing the young Adventuress to have to hold down the rising panic in her heart, "How interesting. A Priestess of the Earth Mother. I had heard of this new addition from my fellows in the Church, but to confirm it myself…"

"I-I am very honored to meet you, your Holiness!" Zombie Priestess stammered out.

Zombie Priestess felt herself breaking out into cold sweat. Sword Maiden's undivided attention was completely on Zombie Priestess, and the young Adventurer was absolutely certain that the legend knew that she was Undead. The Archbishop, one of Zombie Priestess' childhood idols, was completely aware she was a Zombie.

How could this possibly get any worse?

"Enough banter," Undead Master spoke up impatiently, "Archbishop, we will bring you to your room. Where is your luggage?"

"Undead Master, Sir, j-just a second," Zombie Priestess stammered out, utterly aghast that he was being exceedingly rude for the second time, "The Archbishop was in the middle of… you can't…"

"Why not? Our guest will be more comfortable if she has a room, and her luggage needs moving," Undead Master stated logically, "Is it not the job of the host to ensure the guest is comfortable?"

Zombie Maiden stared at the necromancer with open mouthed horror, unable to comprehend how someone could be so right, but still be so wrong at the same time.

"Uh, Orcbolg? I think you broke her." Banshee Elf Archer quipped.

"Beard Cutter managing to confound someone by being absolutely correct," Hollow Dwarf chuckled, "It never gets old, watching him do that!"

"It's quite all right, young Priestess," Sword Maiden reassured Zombie Priestess, "I have known this man and his eccentricities for quite some time now. I assure you, I take no offence."

"Is that so?" Undead Master mused while Zombie Priestess shrank in on herself, praying to the Earth Mother that Sword Maiden had meant what she had just said and wasn't just trying to be polite.

"I am curious though, where is you sister? I would have thought as the lady of the mansion that she would want to be out here to greet me as I came in," Sword Maiden pondered turning her heard around as if to search for manor's missing owner, "From what I understand, her 'predilection' towards hospitality would have compelled her to be here."

"It is currently fifteen past three in the afternoon. The sun is out, so my sister is currently asleep. She will rise at around six to meet us for dinner once the sun begins its' descent," Undead Master explained gruffly, "As for the hospitality requirements, there are ways around such things."

"Really?" Sword Maiden said with genuine interest.

"Yes. My sister knows how to delegate, after all. Sister is most wise." Undead Master nodded, "Is there any particular reason you wished to see her so early?"

"Oh, I just have a present for her, that's all, from one friend to another. It isn't something that is urgent, and I can give it to her later," Sword Maiden replied waving the matter off, "Now, shall we go in? I have been looking forward to seeing your home for some time now, and cannot wait to see what your abode has to offer!"

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Undead Master and the Goblin Slayers in…

"Is it acceptable to have a family dinner while there is a massacre going on outside?"

Starring…

Goblin Slayer as Undead Master
Priestess as Zombie Priestess
High Elf Archer as Banshee Elf Archer
Dwarf Shaman as Hollow Dwarf
Lizardman Priest as Skeleton Lizardman

…And…

Big Sister as Vampire Sister

A not for profit fanfiction by Sasahara17 based on the dark fantasy adventure series Goblin Slayer by Kumo Kagyu, and inspired by the hit idol group Franchouchou of Saga Prefecture, who were produced and re-animated by Kotaro Tatsumi, Cygames and Studio Mappa.
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In spite of having arrived in a carriage with as an escort, Sword Maiden had been the only one to actually stay in the mansion. The two Paladins and the carriage driver, all devout believers in the Supreme God, had declined the opportunity to stay in the manor. Instead were going on to the Frontier Town to find their own accommodations and to conduct some other business; apparently something to do with Lady Knight.

The two Paladins had made it extremely clear before parting ways that should anything untoward happen to Sword Maiden while their beloved Archbishop was in the manor, the Church of the Supreme God would hold all of the hosts accountable. This, of course, did not do Zombie Priestess' increasingly frayed nerves any favors.

"Do not worry," Sword Maiden had reassured Zombie Priestess, the only one of the Goblin Slayers who seemed unsettled by this declaration, "I will admit that the Paladins might be the more zealous members of our Church, but even they will not do you and your fellows harm without just cause."

Which, unfortunately, meant that they would do Zombie Priestess harm if they ever found such cause to do so. There was no doubt in the young Priestess' mind that the Paladins were just looking for an excuse to start Smiting Evil… not that any of the Goblin Slayers were evil, but the point stood.

Sword Maiden had not brought very much in the way of belongings with her for the trip.

Just a single suitcase containing two spare changes of her holy vestments, two ceremonial robes clearly meant for more formal occasions, and several wrapped packaged gifts for each of the residents of the manor and, curiously enough, the Goblin Slayers. While Zombie Priestess had known that Sword Maiden was an acquaintance of the Goblin Slayers, the gifts indicated that their relationship was much closer than she had previously believed.

"One of my deepest regrets since gaining my Gold Rank is that my time is no longer my own," Sword Maiden explained as Banshee Elf Archer and Zombie Priestess helped the Archbishop move contents of her bag into the wardrobes of her the guest room while Skeleton Lizardman stored the suitcase itself in an overhead cupboard to ensure the Archbishop wouldn't trip on it "There is so much I am that I am responsible for, that I have to find excuses to meet even those I consider my friends."

"Wow, Gold Rank sounds like such a drag," Banshee Elf Archer groused with a shake of her head, "The Guild makes it out to be something all Adventurers should aspire to, but every time I see you the more I realize how troublesome it is."

"That is an unfortunate truth. Although the prestige and recognition are good to have, the responsibilities are tiresome. It is often I long for simpler days were my problems could be solved with my Sword, and my ability to go where I wished was not so restrained," Sword Maiden advised the other Adventurer sagely, "Take this advice from a friend, Honored Elf. Should you ever have such a rank is offered to you, you would best think carefully if this life is the one for you."

"Thank you very much for your kind words, Archbishop, I don't think it will be happening anytime soon, what with my being Undead an all," Banshee Elf Archer said appreciatively, "Still, I will keep that in mind should something like that arise."

"I am honored that you would regard us so highly, your Holiness. I am sure the other members of the party who are not presently here would be happy to know this," Skeleton Lizardman bowed politely, "If you do not mind me saying so, your words are somewhat unexpected since we have only worked for you twice before. To hear you consider us as friends is welcome, but a surprise."

"Oh, that is quite all right," Sword Maiden replied humbly, "The terror in the Water Town was ended because of your efforts, and the scrolls you delivered to me have proven invaluable. More than that, you four are have helped me on a much more personal level as well, how could I not regard you as anything else but friends?"

"See, look what I told you," Banshee Elf Archer have Zombie Priestess a playful nudge, the pair having hung out the past of the Archbishop's clothes in the cupboards, "Adventures don't have to be all about Goblins. Finding treasures and making friends is something we get to do too!"

"The quests were both about Goblins, though." Sword Maiden interceded with a cryptic smile, "The first was a Goblin infestation of the Water Town sewers, and the second was when you cleared out an ancient sorcerer's library that had been infested by a Goblin tribe. I wouldn't say that those quests were without Goblins."

Banshee Elf Archer looked at Sword Maiden, a look of betrayal mixed with embarrassment clear upon the Elf's shocked features. Zombie Priestess was stunned as well, and could not have believed what had just transpired. Sword Maiden for her part, simple brought her hand to her mouth and let out a soft, dainty giggle.

"Oh, pardon my boldness, Honored Elf. I could not resist after you had given me such an opportunity to tease you like that," Sword Maiden said mischievously, "After all, teasing each other is something friends do, is it not?"

There was a short moment where Banshee Elf Archer took in the Archbishops words, before the Undead Elf then burst into laughter.

"Yes, yes you are right about it, there!" Banshee Elf Archer agreed wholeheartedly, causing Zombie Priestess to inwardly release a breath of relief. It seemed that, for all her worries about the Archbishop's prominent position in the Supreme God's church, Sword Maiden was indeed a friend of the Goblin Slayers. Perhaps Zombie Priestess' worries about Sword Maiden were misplaced after all!

The Goblin Slayers finished setting up Sword Maiden her room shortly after. As Sword Maiden had been travelling light, this labor had not taken up much time at all. The sun was still high in the air, and dinner was still just over two hours away.

The plan had been for the party to let Sword Maiden rest after her long trip from the Water Town, using that time to go over their plans one more time, but Sword Maiden had other ideas.

"Young Priestess, I would like to have a moment with you, if you please," Sword Maiden called out just as the three Undead Adventurers were exiting the room. "I am terribly sorry as I know you have duties to perform, but I would like to take this chance to get to know a new face."

Zombie Priestess, one foot already out the door to follow Skeleton Lizardman and Banshee Elf Archer, found herself experiencing déjà vu.

"I would advise you to take the Archbishop up on her offer, young Priestess," Skeleton Lizardman quietly advised Zombie Priestess "Sword Maiden is one of the most experienced Adventurers alive. Any words of wisdom she can share with you would be immensely helpful."

"Yeah. She was one of the great heroes who slew the Demon Lord, after all," Banshee Elf Archer added supportively, "Not every Adventurer has the opportunity to have a private meeting with her. You should make the most of it."

"O-Okay." Zombie Priestess said, trying to quench the feelings of apprehension in her heart as she went back in to meet the Archbishop without her companions.

Sword Maiden was sitting upright on the edge of bed, hands on her lap while her sword rested against the wall. She seemed relaxed and entirely at ease. Between her nonthreatening posture, and her calm demeanor, there was no logical reason for Zombie Priestess to worry. Yet she did.

"S-So, it is very good to meet you, your Holiness," Zombie Priestess drew the seat from the small work desk that and sat down across from Sword Maiden, making every effort to keep her voice level, "I-I must say, it has always been a dream of mine to meet a great hero like yourself."

"Oh, you flatter me so. It pleases me to know my own deeds could inspire brilliant young women such as yourself to do good deeds as I once did," Sword Maiden giggled inquisitively, "I must say, I doubt that your career is proceeding quite the way you have envisioned it too."

"N-No, it isn't." Zombie Priestess bit her lip, the horrible memories from that ill-fated Adventure still lingering in her mind even after all this time.

"Oh, forgive me," Sword Maiden quickly apologized, her brows rising from behind her blindfold as a sure sign she had indeed made an error, "I simply wanted to ask you about how you are taking to the other members of your party and their odd Adventures. I am sorry that I made you think of bad memories. I should have worded my jest better. That was careless of me."

"N-No. It's fine." Zombie Priestess shook her head rapidly, trying to put those memories behind her and focus on the present, "The other Adventurers have been good to me. They're all more experienced and have been teaching me many interesting things. I am learning a lot."

Despite all the Adventures being Goblin related, of course. But then again, given all that usually transpired in those Adventures, Zombie Priestess had already known just labeling those quests as just 'Goblin related' did them a great disservice.

Furthermore, it seemed Sword Maiden herself knew this.

"That is good to know you are fitting in well," Sword Maiden noted with approval, "As you could tell by their Silver ranks, your colleagues were all highly respected members of their own communities before their deaths, and subsequent revivals as Undead beings. While I know their circumstances can be disturbing to some, they are some of the best I have ever known."

"Yes, I can tell that. Honestly, I am very lucky to have been accepted into this group," Zombie Priestess agreed brightly, "I could have done without being turned into a Zombie to do it, though."

"Indeed, how are you dealing with that? Being turned into a Zombie on your first Adventure must have caused quite a stir with the rest of your Abbey," Sword Maiden asked, "Tell me, are you personally okay with what you have become?"

"Well, I am dealing with that fairly well." Zombie Priestess started carelessly.

"Unfortunately, that is a lie."

Zombie Priestess shut her mouth so quickly the sound of her teeth clicking together could be heard throughout the room.

"By the Supreme God, I hereby declare that statement to be false," Sword Maiden declared, her hands palming the rosary that was settled in on her lap, "Well then, I know you were trying to put on a strong front that time, but I would caution you to choose your words more carefully."

"Y-You used the Sense Lie Miracle on me?" Zombie Priestess stammered out, the invasion of her privacy causing the panic that had subsided to rise once more.

"Forgive me for my rudeness, but I cannot feel that caution is required in matters that concern my friends," Sword Maiden explained cleanly, "Undead creatures are not the most accepted of beings by the Churches of Order. You yourself must have experienced this at the hands of your own Faith."

"I… I do." Zombie Priestess admitted, remembering the difficulties she had been experiencing with the Mother Superior and the other Priestesses in the Abbey. The pain of rejection, the suspicion, all those terrible feelings, were something Zombie Priestess knew well.

"While there are many in the Church open minded enough to accept the Goblin Slayers as forces of good who have helped countless innocents, there are many zealous voices that seek to do my friends harm," Sword Maiden continued firmly, "I did not wish to let the others know this, but I have had to argue against many Knightly Orders who did not take to their existences kindly, and wanted to take, shall we say, drastic action."

"O-Oh. Is that so?" Zombie Priestess rubbed a hand against her neck. She knew there were people out there who didn't like the Goblin Slayers, but to go so far as to be openly hostile? That was not news Zombie Priestess wanted to hear at all.

"It is good to see that you have no bitter feelings in spite of you still coming to terms with what you have become, but I had to make sure you bore them no resentment. The faith of the Earth Mother very traditional, after all." Sword Maiden stated resolutely, "The Goblin Slayers are not unused to having their acquaintances reject them. I had to be sure there was nothing that the zealots could exploit in you to send a dagger into their backs. Would you forgive me, for this discourtesy?"

"I see. I can understand that." Zombie Priestess agreed grudgingly. "All is forgiven, your Holiness."

Although she was not happy at the disrespect shown to her by the Archbishop, it seemed the Archbishop had done so with good cause. In that light, how could Zombie Priestess blame Sword Maiden for protecting her friends?

"That is very nice to hear. I thank you for your understanding, young one," Sword Maiden smiled warmly, "Now, shall we move away from this topic? This is much I want to know about you."

"Well that is no bother at all!" Zombie Priestess replied, feeling exceeding thankful that they were now moving on to-wait, why was Sword Maiden's hands still on the rosary, and why did Zombie Priestess get the sense that the 'Sense Lie' Miracle was still active?

"With that settled, let us start talking about Sir Undead Master," Sword Maiden decided, an enigmatic smile that hid something Zombie Priestess found utterly terrifying now gracing the Archbishop's features, "Now, as he was the one who brought you back from the grave, you must surely have feelings of admiration of him. Could you care to elaborate on those for me, please?"

Zombie Priestess gulped.

The young Priestess was now certain… forget Undead Master the necromancer. Forget Vampire Sister, the Vampire. It was Sword Maiden armed with a simple 'Sense Lie' Miracle, that the most terrifying person that had Zombie Priestess encountered!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

"They will be coming soon."

"Hm-um. I know."

The sun was just beginning to dip over the edge of the horizon as two childhood friends walked along the boundary of the estate, tracing the wooden fence that bordered the grounds.

The first of the pair, a man clad head to toe in armor, stopped intermittently to inspect the many defenses he had erected to ensure his home would be safe. His strategy and preparations to survive the coming storm had long been worked out beforehand, and indeed any who had witnessed the extent of his work would have considered it excessive. However, he had always been a cautious one, always thinking, always strategizing, always experimenting, never once resting on his laurels.

Even now, when the moment of truth was so close at hand, Undead Master continued to make minor tweaks and small changes to the defenses he had erected. He wouldn't be satisfied with anything less, for those that now depended on him deserved nothing but his very best.

The girl who followed behind him, a young woman in a humble farmer's work clothes, was not a warrior lie he was. She lived a simple life, untroubled about things like the fate of the world or the fulfillment of a grand destiny. For all that she had experienced in her short life and all the curel things she had learned about the way the world worked, the girl knew in her heart that the only things that mattered to her were the weather, the animals, the crops… and him.

Cow Girl may have been a humble farmhand, but she knew where her priorities stood.

"You should go back into the manor. It is safer there, and my comrades will protect you," Undead Master said, walking on as his keen eyes scanned the horizon, and the darkened woods in the distance, for the monsters that would attack, "This area will soon be a battlefield."
"I know." Cow Girl replied, training behind the necromancer with complete surety of her own safety. "I also know you will be on that battlefield, watching over your army to keep everyone safe."

"Then you know that it is no place for you," Undead Master insisted his gait slowing as concern crept into his normally level voice, "Sister has confirmed the army of Goblins is formidable. They will have hostages as shields, wolves as mounts, and Champions and Shamans to lead them. This battle will be bloody. I do not want to see you caught up in it."

"I won't. You will protect me," Cow Girl responded with full confidence, "You always will."

"It will be hard for me to do that if you remain by my side the entire time," Undead Master pointed out crossly, "I do not understand why you must be so insistent about being next to me on this night. I have no need of an adjutant. Sister could use your aid more in hosting the Archbishop. Instead, you wish to follow me. What you are doing is dangerous. Even your Uncle has told you so."

"I know." Cow Girl agreed serenely, "But that is why I must remain by your side."

"Why?" Undead Master asked in confusion.

"To make sure you take care of yourself," Cow Girl supplied, looking him in the eye to convey her determination, "You are always protecting us, but you never protect yourself. With everything as it is here, I am afraid of what you will do to yourself. So, I will remain here, to watch over you when you will not watch over yourself."

Undead Master was rendered utterly speechless at the determination and steel within her voice. The necromancer had seen many things in his lifetime, but even for someone who had slain countless Goblins, discovered and destroyed ancient fortresses, defeated mighty foes and commanded the darkest arts known to creation, even he found himself humbled by the will he saw in those red eyes. Cow Girl may have been a simple person, but that in no way meant her worth was any less than even the greatest of Adventurers.

"Even if it means putting myself in danger, for just this one time I want to watch over you while I have the chance," Cow Girl continued, unperturbed by her childhood friend's silence, "I know you always at yourself at risk, even with all the power you have at your command. But today, I will be watching over you to make sure you come home safe. Is that really so wrong for me to want to see you safe, as much as you want that for us?"

"No... no, I suppose it isn't." Undead Master relented.

As reckless as her words were, Undead Master knew she was not wrong. Although his necromantic powers meant there was no need for him to fight the Goblins up close, he had never given up the chance to do so when given the choice. With his family, the one thing that mattered to him as much as Goblin Slaying, so close to this battle, Undead Master admitted perhaps he might be willing to take more risks than he otherwise would have. Risks that might have been detrimental to his health.

His family always knew him better than he knew himself.

If she remained by his side, then Undead Master would not put himself at risk. Instead of using himself as the tip of the spear, as he had planned, he would employ strategies that would protect himself just as much as it would protect the manor proper. It would be more challenging to be sure, and he probably would need to sacrifice much of the environment to achieve both those objectives, but Undead Master knew he could do it.

What a troublesome development … but it was not one he would say was an unwelcome one.

"My sister put you up to this, didn't she?" Undead Master asked.

"Hm-um. Maybe," Cow Girl replied, conforming his hunch, "But I cannot say that I disagree."

"The sights that you see will be daunting. The violence of the battle and the barbarism of the Goblins is unmatched," Undead Master warned cautiously, "The Goblins will have brought captives with them to use as shields. While I plan to rescue them, the condition they will be in is not one the faint of heart should witness. It would not be unlike when our home was attacked."

"I know. But you and I have both seen worse, haven't we?" Cow Girl reminded him with an amused glance, "Although I do not wish to see such things again, if it means ensuring you are safe then a few sleepless nights are the small price that I am willing to pay for that."

He could already see it in her eyes. There would be no dissuading her from this course of action. Such was the will of a girl protecting that which she loved.

"Very well," Undead Master decided, knowing full well he would have to proceed with her, "I will permit you to follow me."

"Thank you." She replied with a small curtsy.

"Now, then," Undead Master stated with certainly, "since you are following me, now, I should let you know what my plan is. The plan is…"

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"…to lead off with dinner at half past six, which will a relatively casual meal between us and the Archbishop, consisting of one appetizer, one main course and one desert," Vampire Sister said, reading off the plan she had scribbled onto a blackboard to the four Adventurers that sat before her, "Uncle and I did most of the work this morning, and it shouldn't take me longer than half an hour to put the finishing touches on the dishes. Still, while I am busy doing that, you four will be responsible for keeping the Archbishop occupied and entertained with small talk."

"Um," Zombie Priestess raised a hand uncertainly, wondering why they were all conducting the briefing in this dungeon room in the basement. She had only just managed to get away from her interrogation at the hands of Sword Maiden, and was unsettled that the plan stated she would be thrown right back into the proverbial fire so soon, "Is it a good idea for us to have the first meal the Archbishop has here as something so simple as her first meal here? I mean, she is expected to stay for the whole weekend, but it is always important to give a good first impression, right?"

"Good observation," Vampire Sister nodded happily, "However Sword Maiden expressed to us in her letter that her position as the Archbishop meant she was sick and tired of big, formal meals. A homely family dinner like this one would be just the thing to change up her life."

"Er, are you sure half past six is a good time to hold the dinner, especially if we are going to have it in the dining room? You do realize that the Goblins are also expected to attack at sun-down right?" Banshee Elf Archer pointed out worriedly, "The dining room isn't exactly the most soundproof place there is in the building while there is a small war going on outside."

Well, that, and the fact that the dining room conveniently was in the wing facing where the Goblins would be coming from. While it would be a while before any of those Goblins crossed the distance to the manor and actually threatened it, the four Undead Adventurers were justifiably worried about what the Archbishop would think if the sounds from the battled carried over.

"It's the dining room. Where else are we supposed to have dinner?" Vampire Sister asked quizzically.

"We did suggest moving the dinner to the Gallery, Madam Sister," Skeleton Lizardman proposed, "Either that, or the Ballroom. Both rooms are designed to keep outside noise to a minimum, and it is a trivial labor to move some tables and chairs to those places to facilitate the meal."

"The change in venue could be justified in us wanting to treat the Archbishop with more respect." Hollow Dwarf suggested with a shrug, "The Ballroom is larger and more extravagant, while the Gallery is there to showcase your painting collection."

"You do realize that Sword Maiden is blind, right?" Banshee Elf Archer immediately pointed out with a sigh. Although the Elf would have loved to get one over the Dwarf, she knew this time her critique, while valid and needed to be said, undermined their efforts to make their lives easier.

"Hey, it was just a thought." Hollow Dwarf grumbled.

"Unfortunately, this isn't a democracy here," Vampire Sister stated putting her foot down, "The Archbishop wanted a homely 'family dinner', and as your client I say that having the dinner in the proper room is absolutely necessary in doing that. So there! Dinner will be in the dining room."

All four Undead Adventurers winced. While it wouldn't be impossible for them to get over that issue, especially since worst came to worse Zombie Priestess could just cast silence and hope for the best, it was clear trouble was on the horizon.

"Now, moving on," Vampire Sister continued, pointing to the next item on the blackboard, "After dinner, you will be taking the Archbishop to the pool for a swim. She loves having heated baths, and I really want to see what she thinks of the new pool."

"Really?" Zombie Priestess asked excitedly.

"Yes! If she likes it, then maybe I might be on to a whole new business venture," Vampire Sister clasped her hands together jovially, "I've been looking to do something away from food and wines for a while now, and maybe a heated spa and gym might just be the thing to expand my company's portfolio! It's not my company's core competence, but if Sword Maiden comes aboard maybe I could start a whole new business venture with her on it!"

"That is so not what I had expected when you asked us to show her your pool." Banshee Eld Archer responded in a deadpan voice.

"Ladies only, though," Vampire Sister gave the two male Adventurers a cheeky wink, "Sorry, gents, you can go in after the ladies are done with it."

"It is quite all right. I have never been one for swimming." Skeleton Lizardman said.

"My metal body doesn't respond well to water. I'd sink, and that isn't fun." Hollow Dwarf agreed.

"Still it's good to have her in the pool," Zombie Priestess decided, "The sound of running water and the relaxing sensation of the warm pool should distract her from anything happening outside."

"That sounds about right. We can keep her there until the fighting ends, or until it is time for bed," Banshee Elf Archer decided, "Still, we had better keep a spare casting of the Silence miracle on hand in case the fighting lasts longer than we think it will to help her go to sleep."

"I'll make sure to do that." Zombie Priestess acknowledged.

"And then after that, it's off to bed with the Archbishop at ten o'clock. Reveille at five sharp so that she and I can get to work on the actual things she came here all the way for," Vampire Sister said, finishing off the short outline of the evening's itinerary, "After tonight, the Goblins should be gone so the next two days should be a lot easier to deal with."

"Thank the Gods for that." Banshee Elf Archer muttered.

"Well, then! That's the plan." Vampire Sister declared, clapping her hands together enthusiastically, "Let's show our guest a good time, everyone!"

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

In the darkness of the forest, evil stirred.

An army of five hundred goblins watched the humans from a distance. Five hundred of the most vicious, most cruel, examples of the Goblin race had gathered here on this very night under the leadership of a Goblin Lord. The Lord, his champions, shamans, wolf riders, and a host of other Goblins had gathered here for one reason, and one reason alone. Conquest.

The Goblin Lord had already riled his army up with a speech, reminding his troops of the cruel barbarities they had suffered at the hands of the so-called Adventurers. How those Adventurers who plundered their nests, killed their brethren and chased Goblin-kind away from the lands that were rightfully theirs. Now, it would be the Goblins who would plunder the homes of the Adventurers, rape and kill their loved ones, and then turn the ruin of Human village into the beginnings of a new Goblin nation. A nation that would set the stage for the rise of the Goblin civilization.

This farm would be their beachhead. Bordered only be a perimeter fence, the Goblin scouts had determined that opposition was expected to be low. The farm typically only had three residents, an aged man and two young women, and there was hardly anything of note from recent arrivals, save that three were also women of childbearing age. Resistance was expected to be light.

The Goblins were exited. With only five, at most six, of those hated Adventurers guarding the farm, the invasion was expected to be short swift and victorious. They Goblins would kill and eat the males. They would then capture the women and use them to replace the spent breeding stock, which would in turn replace any of the infantry that had been felled by the battle. The farm animals, crops and plunder would then be used to assault the Human Town in the distance as well. Then, from there, the Goblin Nation would rise.

The plan was, in Goblin Lord's mind, flawless.

The scouts reported the fools were having dinner, only one armored man and a farm girl seemingly on watch as a guard from inside a barn. Light resistance had practically become nonresistant. The circumstances not have been better for Goblin Lord and his army.

Already Goblin Lord's mind was thinking about what tortures he would inflict on the men to sate his own sadistic urges. Already his mind was gleefully thinking about which of the women he would have first. Already his mouth salivated for the taste of the fine foods and drink that the farm had. As Goblin Lord, he would have first taste of all these as was his right… and he could not wait.

Adjusting his planned tactics to adapt to the fact there weren't any defenders, with a wave of his hand, Goblin Lord ordered the first wave of his shock troopers toward. They would blitz the foolish guard and his farm girl friend so quickly the fools having dinner wouldn't even notice.
Those Adventurers would never see the Goblins coming.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Back in the manor, four Adventurers and one Archbishop sat around the dining table, waiting for Vampire Sister and Uncle to finish preparing dinner. The sun had only just set, and the room was now illuminated by a series of magical crystals that hung from the ceiling that Zombie Priestess could have sworn provided almost as much luminosity as the sun itself.

Despite the stature of their guest and the sophistication of the dining room, the atmosphere was very relaxed. As Vampire Sister noted, Sword Maiden had been tired of the formality she had been treated with back in the regular duties. Instead, she had told the Adventurers that she wanted to spend some time among those she called friends, perhaps in a manner that would allow her to relive the days when she had just been a normal Adventurer instead of the legend she was now.

Considering the way the discussion was going, Sword Maiden hadn't lied to them one bit.

"…and then all of a sudden he let out a shriek not unlike that of a frightened schoolgirls' and fled from the Bushwhacker while his hands were covering his behind," Sword Maiden laughed as she recounted a particularly fun story to the Goblin Slayers, "The rest of us just stood there with open mouths as our regal leader ran around in a panic screaming for someone to save his behind!"

"That is an amusing picture you have painted, indeed!" Skeleton Lizardman agreed with a smile.

"Oh wow, now that is a mistake I haven't heard from a while," Banshee Elf Archer howled, an errant hand wiping the tears out of her ruby eyes, "I mean, if it was a rookie making that mistake, sure, but rushing in like that to settle a bet? Serves him right for being such a cocky bastard!"

"And to think the young lass he had been trying to impress had been watching him the whole time!" Hollow Dwarf thumbed a fist against his iron chest in a futile attempt to calm himself, for the idea of that particular Adventurer's machismo coming to bite him in the behind was just hilarious.

Yes, it was abundantly clear that Sword Maiden was quite keen to relive her younger days, if only for a short while, for this was very much a conversation only Adventurers could have. The lack of drink and alcohol, which would come with the food, aside, the sharing of embarrassing stories that had taken place over the many Adventurers was a hallmark of Guild banter.

Sword Maiden and the Silver ranked Goblin Slayers, all being experienced adventurers, had many stories to tell, and Zombie Priestess was indeed quite shocked at the kind of shenanigans that could get on in what would normally be a life or death situation. Granted her own experiences had hinted of such things so far, but there was something to be said about a brave swordsman running around with his hands on his behind while a hobbled Bushwhacker continued to take a swing at his rear.

There was just one thing about this story.

"Um, is it okay to gossip about our King like this?" Zombie Priestess said uncertainly, "I-I mean, this doesn't sound like his Majesty's finest moment. What if it gets out to the nobility?"

"Oh, it will be just fine," Sword Maiden replied reassuringly, "This is a private conversation among friends after all, so the risk of it becoming palace gossip is miniscule… unless you want it to get out?"

"N-NO! I would never!" Zombie Priestess' face became the color of scarlet as she shook her head rapidly, only to realized she was being teased when the other Adventurers burst out into laughter.

"Oh, young Lass, you worry far too much," Hollow Dwarf rumbled.

"You make this too easy for the Archbishop, you know that right?" Banshee Elf Archer grinned and wagged a finger at Zombie Priestess, "Really, young lady, you need to loosen up a little more. Adventuring can't be fun if you're so uptight all the time."

Zombie Priestess understood the virtue of Banshee Elf Archer's words, but understanding and doing were two different things. She was honestly amazed at how easily the other Goblin Slayers had become relaxed before the Archbishop, whose status in both society and religion eclipsed their own. Zombie Priestess also found herself intimidated by the fact there was also a gulf in their ranks, a mere Porcelain among a table of Silvers and Gold. She was the baby at the table and knew it.

"Well, that is it for my story about how the man who would be king was ambushed by a bushwhacker, had his behind beaten black and blue, and had trouble sitting down for the next few weeks," Sword Maiden summed up, "So, any interesting stories that you lot care to share?"

"Do we ever," Banshee Elf Archer slumped in her seat, eyes glazing over in a fashion that was perhaps a tad overdramatic, "The things Orcbolg gets up to means that 'interesting stories' are something were never have a shortage of!"

"Hm, with regards to your question, the most significant thing we have done as of late is that we have obviously taken on a new member," Skeleton Lizardman motioned to Zombie Priestess, "Milord Undead Master has also experimented with Revenants, quite successfully I might add."

"Oh, I heard about that. Many of the best theologists and academics in the Church and the Magician's academy were shocked that it was possible to create such a long-lasting Revenant that held a grudge against an entire race!" Sword Maiden brought a hand to her cheek, the expression on her face curious, "Tell me, have you remained in touch with the Lady Revenant and her party?"

"We have. In our last correspondence five days ago, we have learned that they have successfully reached the Sapphire ranks," Skeleton Lizardman informed her, "Although this was something the local Forest Town guild granted them without them first applying for it. It appears their successful completion of so many Goblin Slaying quests is causing them to be regarded as 'specialists' in much the same manner as Milord Undead Master once was. They have slain a lot of Goblins."

"Lady Revenant and Undead Master are keeping score and comparing numbers," Banshee Elf Archer groaned, "Seriously, I never thought I'd see the day when Goblin Slaying became a competition."

"Aye. Last I checked the Lady Revenant was ahead of us by ten Goblin Heads," Hollow Dwarf jested, "If those ladies keep going the way they are, we might have to start thinking of a new party name."

"Well, now. The thought that there are now other Adventurers out there who are doing just about the Goblin problem as much as your party does is good news indeed," Sword Maiden said delightfully, "With the Armies of order and most experienced Adventurers so focused on the larger threats, knowing at least two experienced parties are keeping the Frontier safe from the growing Goblin population is something I think we can all agree is a good thing."

"True enough. Although I am hesitant to say the joy that the Revenants seem to take in their work is entirely healthy, the Goblin population is growing faster than we alone can deal with. Having a second group covering the Forest Town region is proving extremely effective so far in keeping the villages there safe from Goblins." Skeleton Lizardman agreed.

"I see," Sword Maiden considered wondrously, "I wonder, then, if it would not be possible for Undead Master to create more-"

"No." Banshee Elf Archer interrupted, deadpan.

"But I do think a third such team would-"

"No." Banshee Elf Archer said again, this time more forcefully.

"Perhaps as a way to allow the Theologists a chance to study-"

"No, and that's final," Banshee Elf Archer put her proverbial foot down, "Look, we already have two teams, and their leaders are already comparing Goblin kill counts. We get three teams, all three of them will be doing that. We get four teams, and the next thing you know Orcbolg will be throwing up a leaderboard to keep score. My heart couldn't take that!"

"Your heart isn't beating though." Sword Maiden observed.

"Not the point! No Revenants! It's gone on the List!" Banshee Elf Archer declared crossed her arms in a 'No!' gesture to impress upon their visitor just how serious she was about this topic.

"Well, if you insist," Sword Maiden pouted, actually pouted, as she finally relented, "I still think it would be a good idea to have more people like you, though."

"Um, shouldn't you try to be more respectful to the Archbishop?" Zombie Priestess asked Banshee Elf Archer worriedly, only to have the Undead Elf meet her gaze with a look that conveyed just how uncompromising the Banshee was on this point.

"I give Orcbolg an inch on this, and the world will be drowning in Revenants by the end of the year." Banshee Elf Archer declared firmly.

"You mean the Goblin race will be drowning because of Revenants by the end of the year," Hollow Dwarf sniggered, "Oh, the look on your face when you learned the Revenants took a page out of Beard Cutter's book and flooded that Goblin infested mine… that was priceless!"
"Why you…!"

"Sorry it took so long, everyone. Dinner's ready!" Vampire sister called as she entered the dining room, a massive bowl of salad in her hand. Uncle was training behind her while carrying a wooden serving board with cold cuts and cheeses. Tucked under his arm, was a bottle of their wines.

Zombie Priestess could already tell that the meal, while simple, looked and smelled delicious!

Between the interesting conversation she had just been witness to, the good food that had appeared before her, and the lack of any sign of the attacking Goblins so far, it appeared things had not been as bad as any of them had feared. If the Goblins had attacked, perhaps Undead Master had managed to keep them far away from the manor. Perhaps the Goblins hadn't attacked at all! This meant that the Goblin Slayers and their guests could enjoy their meal in peace.

"Oh, Earth Mother, maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all!" Zombie Priestess prayed.

And then the noise explosions from outside reached her ears.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

The Goblin wolf riders had been the ones to lead the charge.

Fifty Goblins on vicious mounts leapt over the fence and bounded across the open field towards that barn. Their mission was simple enough. They were to silence the lone watchman before he could raise the alarm and capture the woman that was with him so that she could be used for breeding.

Both mount and rider were hungry. The wolves, trained to feast on human flesh, could not wait to pry their meal out from under his armor. The riders too wanted the woman to sate them, but for far more nefarious reasons. Although every Goblin in their ranks knew that the Goblin Lord had laid down the law that said he had first right to the females, each member of the outriders believed that they would be able to take what they wanted first and them blame the others to avoid punishment.

Such was the mind of a Goblin who saw only nothing but selfishness.

Behind them, the first wave of the infantry followed. Two hundred Goblin surged over the border fence, trampling it to the dirt where it would do no more. They would never reach the barn before the riders, and instead began their own charge towards the manor that lay beyond the barn. Although the riders would silence the watchman, the Goblin leaders knew even the most inattentive humans would gather their senses if the Goblins dallied for too long.

Let the riders have that rickety old barn, that lone watchman and that one woman, these Goblins thought. In the manor, there was food, drink and riches to be had, as well as four other women. Instead of having to settle for whoever and whatever happened to be in that barn, these Goblins would have a chance to pick and choose. There was more pleasure and glory to be had by bring the first to seize the manor, and these Goblins knew it.

Two hundred and fifty Goblins, charging across the field, with evil in their hearts and murder and worse on their minds. The Goblins were already sure in their own victory over, their minds already thinking of the prize and not the battle itself. All of them greedy. All of them vile. All of them…

"Fools."

With that single utterance from where he watched the Goblins from inside the safety of the barn, Undead Master watched as the first of his traps activated.

The Goblin riders were unaware that their mounts had stepped on magical pressure plates hidden amongst the grass just as they crossed the halfway point between the outer perimeter and the barn where their 'so called prey' waited. These plates, now activated, were connected to the first two lines of buried boxes of dynamite he had laid out in the field months ago. Boxes that happened to be right in the path that the riders were racing to.

Undead Master watched with satisfaction as the ground erupted both below and in front of the Goblins and the Wolves, tossing both riders and mounts into the air in every direction while sending deadly wooden shrapnel into exposed flesh. It would seem his improvised land mine, an innovation he had heard Dwarf combat engineers beginning to experiment with, was a success.

Of the fifty Goblin riders, only half remained breathing. Even so, as both the Goblins and their Wolves unsteadily picked themselves off the ground, it was clear they were all shaken by the experience. Behind them the two hundred Goblins that had been charging on foot had also stopped, shocked to see the ground rise up and swallow their fellows.

They had no idea that Undead Master was not done yet.

"Slay the Goblins. Slay them all." Undead Master ordered softly, the quietness of his order belying the power those simple words carried as it drifted through the wind.

The two hundred goblins, only having just clambered over the border fence only to witness the vanguard be slaughtered, suddenly found the ground beneath them erupting as well. However, instead of being tossed into the air exploding dynamite, hundreds of pairs of bony, rotting hands burst out of the ground, clawing and grasping for the Goblins legs, feet and ankles. Many Goblins, terrified by the sudden attack, fond themselves frozen as the living dead emerged from the ground beneath them… corpses of Goblins long dead having emerged to feast upon the living.

Goblins too slow to react found themselves fighting off ravenous undead attempting to feast upon their brains. Goblins that had managed to gather their wits together fast enough, through perhaps a few lucky rolls, turned to flee back to the forest. The first wave, once so eager to be among ones to be the first into the breach, were not reduced to a shrieking, screaming rabbled as they attempted to withdraw from the Zombies and Skeletons that had emerged from right beneath their feet.

But Undead Master was not having any of that.

"Running will do you all no good," His sinister, almost ethereal voice whispered to the doomed Goblins, carrying on the wind, "You will all die here. There will be no escape."

With a single magical gesture, Undead Master activated the trigger on the section of the border fence that had been trampled upon. Magical sigils engraved upon the wooden fencing, now pressed to the ground by the earlier stampede, lit up as the spell stored within them activated. Within seconds, rows upon rows of three-meter-high thorny hedges grew from the fallen fence, creating a barbed wall that cut too the Goblin's escape.

Two hundred Goblins, plus twenty-five thoroughly shaken Goblin riders, and their wolf mounts, suddenly fund themselves trapped. The way out had been closed off, razor sharp thorns forming a wall between them and escape, leaving them trapped with an army of Goblin Corpses that were gnawing, clawing, biting… eating the living.

Many Goblins began to scream at the top of their lungs in utter terror, realizing that they had stepped into a waking nightmare that would only end in their deaths. The dead had come to feast upon the living, and nothing in the Goblin's wicked hearts could ever have prepared them this.

Undead Master could not have been any more satisfied by the way the opening act had turned out.

"Slay the Goblins," His demonic voice carried upon the wind, still capable of being heard even above terrified screams of two hundred Goblins, "Slay them all."

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Although the salad, cold cuts and cheeses that was set out on the plate before her looked absolutely delicious, Zombie Priestess found herself unable to muster the appetite for any of it.

The reason for that was, unfortunately, quite simple.

"Oh, my word! What is that dreadful screaming?" Sword Maiden said, a hand in front of her mouth as she faced with window with concern look, "It sounds like there is a battle going on out there. And those explosions earlier. In fact, from the screams I'd say it sounds like someone is dying."

Sword Maiden paused as she listened a fair bit more.

"Actually, it sounds like a lot of someone's is dying." Sword Maiden observed.

The Undead Adventurers at the table looked at each other with growing looks of horror as they realized that Undead Master doing his level best to make life in the Goblin Army a horror show. This had not been part of the plan at all.

Another thunderous explosion reverberated in from the outside, making it crystal clear to the Goblin Slayers that their illustrious leader didn't care about 'The List' at all in his defense of the estate.

"I…I thought he was supposed to show restraint," Zombie Priestess whispered as she leaned in to Banshee Elf Archer without Sword Maiden overhearing it, "This isn't just one explosion. It sounds like he's going just using them liberally now. I thought you all said he would be using restraint because he wouldn't want to damage his sister's home!"

"That's what I thought too, but apparently not," Banshee Elf Archer cursed under her breath, "If Orcbolg does care about collateral damage, and none of us are out there supervising him, then…"

"We may have a problem." Hollow Dwarf concluded with a frown.

"What do we do? What do we do?" Zombie Priestess whimpered.

"Perhaps we could serve her Holiness more cheese and hope that the additional food distracts her?" Skeleton Lizardman suggested, "This is the best cheese in all the land, after all."

"I don't think that is going to work this time." Hollow Dwarf replied.

Watching the four Adventurers panicking while considering their options from across the table, Uncle could only slap his open palm to his forehead in exasperation at their antics.

"I can't believe you lot are Silver Ranked Adventurers," Uncle grimaced, "Between the kid and you lot, I am beginning to worry about the future of the Adventuring profession."

Another set of thunderous set of booms shook the windows and furniture. How Undead Master was causing all these was a mystery that Zombie Priestess had yet to puzzle out. What she did know, however, was that regardless of how Undead Master was doing this, she wanted him to stop.

"So, how are you enjoying our wine, your Grace?" Vampire Sister asked from where she sat, completely unperturbed by the disruptive noise from outside.

"The wine is quite nice. Better than I could have expected even. If this is the standard you are offering, then I have indeed come to the right place for the Supreme God's needs," Sword Maiden said as she swirled the wine in her glass, "Although… something outside sounds absolutely dreadful This is certainly making it difficult to enjoy our meal."

"Er… well, there is actually a… a storm!" Banshee Elf Archer said quickly, the look in her eyes making it clear to the other Adventurers she knew exactly how stupid she sounded at that very moment, "Yes, well, there's lighting and thunder causing all those booms, and the wind is making all that screaming racket. Honestly, the weather these days is so wild and uncontrolled."

"The weather? It that really the best you can come up with pointy ears?" Hollow Dwarf groaned.

"I too think this is folly, but as it has already been said we cannot go back on those words lest we rouse her suspicions. It is a good thing she does not have eyes to see out the window to learn of our fib, then," Skeleton Lizardman hissed quietly before raising his own voice to speak up, "Indeed, the onset of this storm is most concerning. Even so, pay it no mind, your Holiness, for this house is built most sturdy and we need not fear the rain not wind in here."

"Y-Yeah. That's a lot of downpour. Golly, it sure is good that we are all indoors!" Zombie Priestess chimed in, knowing full well that she was outright lying to a woman she knew for a fact used the Sense Lie miracle and hoping against hope that the whole thing wouldn't blow up in her face.

For a moment the four Adventurers watched Sword Maiden with bated breath as they hoped that their attempt to bluff the legendary heroine had worked. The dice had better fall in their favor…

"Well, then, if there is trouble outside it is a good thing we are indoors then," Sword Maiden held out her emptied glass towards Vampire Sister, "I would like more wine please."

"Certainly," Vampire Sister helpfully filled out the empty glass with another helping from the bottle, "Thank your time with this one. I'm just going to hop back into the kitchen to get the main course. It should be just about done in the oven."

"That would be delightful!" Sword Maiden agreed.

The four Adventurers slumped back into their seats in relief. Looks like the proverbial dice fell in their favor and Sword Maiden bought into the worst lie they had ever told.

"Oh, well. That was pretty bad," Zombie Priestess whispered softly to Banshee Elf Archer, "I can't believe you managed to fool her with that excuse though."

"Tell me about it," Banshee Elf Archer agreed tiredly, "How that worked, I will never know."

"But at least that's done with," Zombie Priestess said, taking this small victory for what it was, "And now that we're moving on to the main course and Sword Maiden will write off any noise to the weather, I guess this means the worst is over right?"

Banshee Elf Archer's head snapped over to Zombie Priestess, her face a rictus of terror.

"You did not just say that!" The veteran Adventurer gaped at her foolish junior.

And then the unmistakable, bestial roar of a terrifying ogre, that most certainly could not have been mistaken for the sound of thunder, ripped through the air.

"Oh my," Sword Maiden wondered, "That didn't sound like thunder."

Banshee Elf Archer's forehead slammed into the table in despair and frustration at her work becoming undone in a moment.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Had Undead Master been fighting any other foe, his adversary might have found it prudent to retreat. The ambush of the first wave by a hidden army and the unveiling of undetected devices would have told even the most foolish commander that the simple farm was anything but.

Battles involving a fortified position almost always gave the defender a disproportionate advantage. Considering that the intelligence on the farm was clearly mistaken, most military commanders would have instead initiated strategic withdrawal to preserve their forces. Any further engagement would have been only to rescue the trapped forces, before the army as a whole retreated.

However, Undead Master was fighting Goblins, a foe he knew intimately well. He knew what the Goblin Lord would do next.

Although the Goblin Lord had suffered through many trials, learning and adapting over the years to gain a level of intelligence his brethren could not hope to match, at the end of the day Goblin Lord was still a Goblin at heart. He had not abandoned the wickedness, selfishness and pride that he had possessed in his youth, for if he had he would have been here today leading this Army. If anything, those aspects of his personality had only grown as his strength, power and intelligence did.

As he grew stronger, he was able to perpetrate more wicked acts as fewer and fewer could stop him. As he gained in power, he was increasingly able to take what he wanted by force, and gradually came to feel he deserved more from the world for his achievements. As he became smarter, he recognized in himself things that set himself above the rabble, and for that he grew proud.

It was pride that influenced his next, costly actions.

Instead of being wary by the fact a hidden army had risen to challenge him, the Goblin Lord was instead incensed. He had been so certain of his own assessment of his victory, and to have that challenged was a wound to his pride he could not bear. Rather than a decision based on any sort of logical rationale, Goblin Lord's next orders were done because of wounded pride.

"Attack!" Goblin Lord order, sending another two hundred Goblins into the fray. His orders were clear. Run into the fray and crush the resistance they found there. It would be a costly decision.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

The melee at the edge of the estate was pure chaos.

The goblins of the first wave had found themselves ambushed by a horde of shambling corpses that outnumbered them five to one… shambling corpses that were once Goblins, with the strength of rotting flesh and the miasma of death rolling off their undead forms.
To say these Goblins were terrified would be a huge disservice to the fear that now gripped their hearts. They had expected an easy victory, or failing that a bloody battle against hated Adventurers. The latter at least, was an adversary they could understand.

Instead the Goblins had found themselves faced with an enemy that brought them face to face with their own mortality. Goblin Zombies and Goblin Skeletons, beings who had been living Goblins just like them, were clawing, biting, ripping and tearing the would-be invaders to death. The fact that these monsters had emerged from right under their feet had also completely destroyed their battle line, leaving the entire field a disorganized mess of Goblins trying to flee and trying to fight.

Those that tried to flee found themselves cut off at every turn. Undead Master's minefields surrounded their position, and any Goblin that disentangled themselves from the melee and attempted to flee would be destroyed by an explosion. The thorn hedge wall prevented them from heading back to the woods, where the Goblins hoped their reinforcements would be coming. Many Goblins who tried to flee only found themselves dying tired.

Those that tried to fight found their adversaries unstoppable. Blows to any critical organ but the brain had no effect on the shambling monsters, who would absorb lethal wound after lethal wound without pausing. Arrows were less than useless, swords and spears became caked in blood and gore without taking down the enemies they had been used to fight, and even clubs found their handles snapping after repeated swings to crush the skulls of the Undead..

In contrast, while these monsters were without armaments, their teeth and hands did horrific things to the unarmed Goblin foot-soldiers. And the numbers.

Many Goblins who fancied themselves would-be-champions found themselves tackled to the ground the horde, then surrounded and ripped apart by Undead beings that hungered for the taste of flesh… their last sensations of this earthly ream the feeling of grasping hands, blooded teeth feasting on their entrails, and the terror that griped their hearts as it stopped beating.

Many Goblins died screaming in fear, certain that they had mistaken hell for what they had assumed was a simple farm.
"Slay the Goblins. Slay them all." Had been Undead Master's orders.

It was an order that his Undead Minions would carry out to the letter.

But then for the beleaguered Goblins, a ray of hope! A cast fireball slammed into a portion of the hedge wall, burning it to cinders and opening a gap to which reinforcements surged. Two hundred more goblins, this time their line unbroken, raced through the opening to battle the Undead Army. With these reinforcements were the Goblin's greatest Champions and wisest Shamans, who unleashed their great strength and powerful spells on the Undead with great efficacy.

The surviving goblins of the first wave, barely numbering two dozen after the carnage, cheered in elation as they saw their follows. They had been saved! This would be a turning point in the battle, the Goblins had been sure. With their Champions and Shamans and a fresh, unbroken battle line, not even the horde of Undead could stand against the power of the Goblin race.

With this, they could win!

"It is time," Undead Master's voice reverberated through the air, "Go. Slay the Goblins."

The barn doors slammed open, and from within it emerged a score more Undead. However, unlike the shambling horde that had been doing battle until now, these Undead were taller, bulkier and clad head to toe in full plate armor carrying a great sword and a tower shield in each hand.

These were Goblin Champions that Undead Master had slain in his career, and had now been turned to Skeleton Champions to do his bidding. Each one a match for the living Goblin Champions that had taken to the field. Each one a magical automation driven only to follow their master's command.

And behind this already fearsome force stepped out was a towering beast that even these Champions paled in comparison to. It was once said, that a knight with a redoubtable shield was made one with his own escutcheon. It was also said that a magical master was utterly destroyed by magic greater than he could ever hope to wield. The being that was responsible for these incidents was a monster that was feared by even the most experienced Adventurers. A general of the Dark Lord who was so feared, that many dreaded to ever encounter him in battle.

This being, having finally been bested by a necromancer most powerful, now served a new Master. A Master, who had an order for him to follow.

"Go. Slay the Goblins… Big… Thing." Undead Master declared, having forgotten the name of his General. He was sure it wasn't a Goblin, but for the life of him could never remember what it was.

The Undead Ogre, the order from its master received, let out a thunderous roar, one that tore through the air and declared this Champion amongst Champions had joined the battle, before it charged forwarded at the head of Undead Master's own reinforcements.
And with that, the bloody battle grew ever more vicious.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

"My, oh my, to think that such vicious animals from the forest come out to prowl the farm this often," Sword Maiden said as she set the cutlery down after having polished off the last bits of her delicious black-forest cake, "That is worrying news indeed. Perhaps you should consider hiring more guards to protect your home, Madam."

"I wouldn't worry too much about that," Vampire Sister waved her hand dismissively, "We don't actually get annoyances like the ones outside tonight all that often. Besides, most of the time anything dangerous that wanders onto the premises, I just deal with it myself."

"Oh, yes. You are a Vampire, aren't you? You're such a welcoming host that I briefly forgot about that," Sword Maiden responded flatteringly, "Well, that being the case, I can see how a few nasty animals from the forest wouldn't pose a threat to you and yours."

"Indeed. More wine, your Holiness?" Vampire Sister offered.

"Gladly." Sword Maiden replied with a smile.

Zombie Priestess and the three Adventurers watched the exchange in a tense silence that was slowly being replaced with the sensation of release. As one, all four Undead Adventurers let out sighs of relief that Sword Maiden had, once again, decided to focus on wine and good company instead of , what was happening outside.

"I can't believe that worked." Hollow Dwarf spoke, being the first of the group to recover.

"Agreed. Considering this was the second time Milady Elf was put on the spot, I am surprised that her improvisation worked out so well." Skeleton Lizardman agreed in a whisper.

Banshee Elf Archer turned to Zombie Priestess with a cross expression on her features.

"Young lady, when this is all over, you and I are going to have a long talk about tempting the dice gods in the middle of the Adventure." Banshee Elf Archer whispered sternly.

"Yep. I am going to have to agree with you there," Uncle groused, "I'm no Adventurer, and even I knew she was tempting fate."

Zombie Priestess could only shrink in on herself in shame, wondering why her party was holding her accountable for something she clearly had nothing to do with. Another roar echoed through the night from the outside. It would seem that the battle was still ongoing.

"Those animals are very noisy, aren't they?" Sword Maiden frowned, drawing the Adventurer's attention back to their guest.

"Hm, maybe I should have invested in more soundproof windows if the noise is annoying you so much. I am so sorry for this oversight." Vampire Sister apologized with a polite tilt of her head.

"Oh, don't mind that. It's not your fault that there's trouble outside," Sword Maiden clapped her hands together in joy, "Enough about that. I am so grateful that you all have done so much for me so far. Good food, exquisite wine, fantastic company, homely atmosphere… I can almost imagine that this is what it would be like to have a normal family dinner with your family! Why, if it wasn't for the fact I had to head back to the Water Town, I would love to have dinners like this every day."

"Guh, she's so saccharine. I feel a little unsettled just looking at her," Banshee Elf Archer mumbled, "From the sound of her voice, I can almost believe she wants to be a part of this family."

"Is it acceptable to have a family dinner while there is a massacre going on outside?" Zombie Priestess mumbled, shooting concerned glances out the window to where she knew the battle was still raging. "Oh, I probably shouldn't ask that question now, shouldn't I?"

As if to answer her question, yet another explosion reverberated through the air. Alas.

"No, you should not." Banshee Elf Archer stated bluntly shaking her head the entire time.

Rookies. Sheesh.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

A/N – In case everyone was worried about pacing, this Adventure is expected to go on for one more chapter. Thanks for reading!

 

[sasahara17]

Lady Knight had never been so anxious in her entire life.

She had faced down trolls, bandits, manticores and many other fearsome foes in battle. She had stepped into the halls of many respected noble houses and the holiest sanctuaries of the gods. She had been trapped in the darkest of dungeons, surrounded by danger and terror at every angle. Lady Knight, a Silver Ranked Adventurer who had earned her rank after many Adventurers, had faced down a great many things. Yet none of those trials intimidated her more than what faced her now.

"Young knightess, step fourth and present yourself for your judgement."

Fighting down her nervousness, Lady Knight stepped forward until she was in the center of the training ground in the courtyard of the guild hall. Her nerves were further agitated by the knowledge that the eyes of the Guild staff members and every present Adventurer, including those of her own party, were watching her from the side lines. Everyone she knew at the guild, including Heavy Swordsman, was watching her at this very moment.

Standing before her were two Paladins from the Water Town. Two of the wisest, bravest and most fair of all Champions of the Supreme God. Hammer Paladin, a tall muscular man with a most magnificent moustache wielding a hammer of incredible size, and Lance Paladin, an athletic blonde woman carrying both a lance and a heavy shield, regarded Lady Knight with calculating eyes.

Lady Knight had spent all day being tested by these two Paladins in both mind and body to see if she was worthy of being ordained as a Paladin of the Supreme God. Tests of her swordsmanship and skill at Adventuring were interspaced with assessments of her character, virtue and will. Since the crack dawn, Lady Knight had been tested under the light of the holy sun as she had never been before.

Now, these tests had concluded, and Lady Knight would now know if she had been found worthy.

If she had, then respect, power and prestige would follow. The miracles of the Supreme God would enable her to achieve more than her swordsmanship would allow during her quests. Everyone in the guild would know the Gods themselves watched over her. And Heavy Swordsman would… would…

…

But if she was found wanting? Lady Knight's eyes flicked over to where the small crowd was watching her from nearby, and knew if she failed than humiliation and teasing would follow. Granted those that felt pity for her would buy her free drinks out of sympathy, something she would milk for all it was worth, but Lady Knight knew the rabble would never let her live this down.

"Young knightess," Hammer Paladin began once Lady Knight had knelt before them, as was expected of her, "We thank you for your patience. We have conducted a rigorous assessment of your suitability to be a admitted to the Brotherhood of Paladins of the Supreme God."

"Though many trials, we have assessed your skill and your character," Lance Paladin continued, her face so stern it seemed like it was carved out of stone, "For a Paladin must not only be capable of defending the weak, but also must present themselves with good character at all times."

The two continued to drone on for a fair bit more. From where she knelt with her head bowed two the two Paladins, Lady Knight had to fight down the urge to leap up and tell them to get to the point. She couldn't of course, for patience and respect were two of the Supreme God's most valued virtues, but at the rate these two were going the anticipation was going to be the death of her!

Thankfully, they didn't drone on for too long, and soon they had gotten to the part Lady Knight had been waiting the whole day for: their assessment to see if she was worthy.

"As far as tests of the body go, I can confirm that you are more than capable," Hammer Paladin stated favorably, "Your swordsmanship is impeccable. In all honesty, I have never met a candidate that could wield both sword and great shield with as much finesse and grace as you have. In both your ability to destroying evil and protecting the innocent, there is no doubt."

"Thank you, Sir!" Lady Knight said, hope welling in her heart.

"However, we have found that there are many issues in terms of your character after having seen you go through the tests of virtue." Lance Paladin accessed harshly.

"That is unfortunate to hear, Ma'am." Lady Knight said, feeling that hope shriveling up in her heart.

"Indeed. Our interviews with your colleagues in the Adventurers Guild have indicated several character traits that would make you unsuitable for our blessed Order," Lance Paladin continued mercilessly, "You have been known to drink to excess after every Adventure, crave worldly belongings like gold and treasure, and lust after the object of your affections in private without seizing your courage to let the truth be known."

Lady Knight was so mortified by what Lace Paladin had just said, in front of the entire Guild no less, she couldn't even muster the strength to make a rebuttal.

Instead her mind was quickly going through the list of possible culprits from the Guild who could have been the one to besmirch her good name and, worse, blurt out her crush on Heavy Swordsman to the assessors. Whether she made the cut or not, Lady Knight resolved that she was going to find them and… well, if she became a Paladin, she would give them a 'very stern talking to', as a Champion of the Supreme God had standards to adhere to.

If she didn't, though, all bets were off.

"Gluttony, Greed and Lust. While your courage, compassion and willingness to protect and serve are commendable, these aspects of your personality are hinderances to the work of a Paladin," Lance Knight firmly assessed the Knightess before her, "While there is no doubt in our minds you are a force of great good, a Paladin of the Supreme God must be more. Must be greater."

"We cannot deny your worth as a warrior, and your deeds are many and true," Hammer Paladin said "However, your Character has both flaws and virtues, and this complicates matters greatly. Of the standard of character expected of a Paladin, we are sad to say you do not meet it."

Oh, by the Supreme God. Lady Knight knew was going to fail. She was going to fail and everyone in the guild was going to see her humiliation. Witch and Spearman were going to tease her forever, the Trainee Team were going to lose all respect for her, the Guild was going to strip her of her rank and boot her back down to Porcelain for not being a trustworthy adventurer, and Heavy Swordsman would never partner with her again! Her life was ruined!

"However, as you know, there have been revelations in the Churches of Order as of late," Hammer Paladin informed the kneeling Knight, "That we have been told many have been too stringent in our adherence to dogma instead of the spirit of the teachings. The Earth Mother's church, for example, has discovered a Chosen Champion of their Goddess is in fact a Zombie."

Did… did Zombie Priestess just somehow manage to give Lady Knight a saving throw by just existing? If this managed to save Lady Knight's career, Lady Knight was going to track down Zombie Priestess and… and… well, not Smite Undead using her new Paladin powers, because that would be very bad, but bake a really, really nice cake for her or something.

Or maybe a new set of armor, like one of those skimpy things sold in the Guild Blacksmith. Lady Knight had heard those armors were good for female Adventurers trying to catch the eye of a man, and there was a rumor going around that Zombie Priestess was sweet on the man who had brought her back to life. Granted Zombie Priestess' body wouldn't be able to pull off the look very well, but it was the thought that counted right?

Wait, the Paladins were still talking. Focus, Focus, Focus!

"As such, considering our assessment of you was only a borderline fail, we have decided to leave it up to the judgement of the Supreme God himself to judge whether you are worthy." Hammer Knight declared while Lance Knight raised her lance skyward beside him.

"Oh, Supreme God! God of all that is Good and Just in the land!" Lance Knight bellowed as holy light began to emit from her lance, illuminating the grounds, "Send us a sign of your judgement as to whether this Knightess is worthy of becoming one of your Champions on this Earthly Realm!"

Lady Knight, still kneeling, could not help raise her head to watch in awe as the holy light filled the courtyard. Would the Supreme God really answer this call? If so, that meant the Supreme God himself had personally assessed Lady Knight, as opposed to mere representatives. Lady Knight was now more nervous than ever, unable to calm herself.

What would his assessment of her be now, having deemed her as unworthy for so many years? Would the Guild allow her to continue if a God himself dismissed her? What would the sign be?

All these questions raced through Lady Knight's mind as she waited for some heavenly sign…

-SPLAT!-

…which came in the form of the mangled body of a Goblin falling from the heavens and crashing right in between the space between two Paladins and the Knightess they were assessing. Incidentally, the mangled corpse landed with such force it exploded with a ripe tomato, sending its blood flying and splattering Lady Knight in a nice hue of red Goblin guts.

There was a long moment of silence as everyone processed this turn of events. Then…

"Well, I can't think of a clearer message from the Supreme God," Lance Paladin shrugged, "You fail."

Lady Knight fell to her knees, in unable to believe that the Supreme God was so disgusted with her he deemed it right to splatter her with Goblin guts. It was one thing for him to reject her, but for him to rub salt in the wound like this was too much for the Knightess to bear.

"Wait, my sister in battle. I think there is more the Supreme God wants to convey," Hammer Knight suddenly said as he caned his head skyward, his face turning pale as he noticed something in the night sky. A lot of somethings in the night sky, that also happened to be falling very fast, "I… I think we should get indoors. Like now."

"What do you mean by that, bro-"

-SPLAT-

A second falling Goblin slammed into the side of the Guild hall, splattering itself all over the side of the pristine paintwork. What remained of the Goblin then slid down the wall, leaving a trail of red on the side that was could have passed for contempt art.

-SPLAT-

A third Goblin's trajectory carried it right into one of the windows of the Guild itself, breaking through the window and then crashing into the tables and chairs inside the main mess hall, and making a right mess while it was at it.

-SPLAT-

A fourth Goblin smacked into a hastily thrown up shield by Witch who where it had almost slammed into the crowd of onlookers. The dead corpse collapsed into a head before their feet where every one of them could get a really good look at it.

-SPLAT-

-SPLAT-

-SPLAT-

"Wow, that's a lot of dead Goblins." Someone said.

"It's raining Goblins!" One of the rookies yelled out in alarm, "Everyone run for your lives!"

And with that, the courtyard of the Guild hall, and the entire Frontier Town for that matter once news of the Goblin Rain had spread, descended into anarchy.

"The Supreme God answered with a RAIN of Goblins? You are SO not worthy!" Lance Paladin hissed as she, Hammer Paladin and Lady Knight ran for cover, the latter streaming tears down her face the entire time.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

"Um, are you sure it is okay to let Undead Ogre smack all those Goblins into the distance?" Cow Girl said from the safety of the Barn as she watched the Undead General send Goblin after Goblin flying into the distance with his club like he was a golfer on a driving range, "I mean, I think he's sending the Goblin in the direction of the town. What if the Goblins land there and start a panic?"

"I would not worry too much." Undead Master replied with a shrug. "The town is far enough away that the Goblins will land long before they reach there. He is strong, but not that strong."

"If you're sure, I guess it is okay," Cow Girl accepted her childhood friend's explanation and turned back to watch the battle unfolding before her, "Wow, that's a lot of Dead Goblins, isn't it?"

"Yes, there are," Undead Master agreed with pure satisfaction in his voice, "Yes, there are."

And all was right in the world… well, almost.

"Ah, that one went straight up." Cow Girl observed.

"Not completely straight," Undead Master noted, "There's a slight angle to it, so it isn't going to come down directly where it was launched."

"I see. Well, it's starting to fall towards… oh, dear." With a crash, the Goblin Champion smashed through the skylight of the wing of the mansion containing the pool. "That's bad, isn't it?"

"Don't worry, my teammates will handle it."

 

[sasahara17]

"Finally, now this is what I have been wait for all night!" Banshee Elf Archer threw her arms out excitedly as she beheld the welcoming sight of the manor's incredible heated pool before her. Clad only in a simple bath towel, the Undead Elf was all too ready to get into enjoy a good swim, and let all the worries she had acuminated over the entire day melt away. "This is going to be so awesome!"

"Yes, I have to agree. This will do wonders for my muscles," Zombie Priestess, clad in a more conservative one-piece swimsuit, had already tried the pool late this morning. Her experience had been nothing short of heavenly, and she was all too willing to use it again.

And considering, the day Zombie Priestess had just experienced, a nice dip in the comfortably warm waters was the very thing she needed. Banshee Elf Archer had privately told Zombie Priestess that 'family meal' had been one of the most hair raising, tension filled affairs any of the Silver Ranked Adventurers had ever experienced, and Zombie Priestess had been inclined to agree.

Their nerves were all frayed, their shoulders and muscles tense for the worry, their bodies numb after constant bouts of anxiety… however, a nice dip in the pool would make all those problems go away instantly. What a heavenly invention Vampire Sister had managed to install in her manor! The baths were far enough from the fighting that the sound didn't really carry, and the walls were mostly soundproofed anyway.

Considering Vampire Sister's last update confidently stated her brother was winning, handily, the Goblin Slayers felt justified in knowing the only thing left to do this fine day to get Sword Maiden to bed, and find a way to get rid of their built up off their stress

Honestly, Zombie Priestess pitied Uncle, Hollow Dwarf and Skeleton Lizardman at this moment, who were in the game room passing their time while they waited for their turn. She knew the trio were just as rattled as she was, but she got to have this pool first while they had to find a way to get rid of their anxiety some other way.

"Your Holiness, the pool looks great!" Banshee Elf Archer playfully called back into the changing room, where Vampire Sister was helping Sword Maiden pick out one of the swimsuits that the Vampire had been bought for the Archbishop as a welcoming present, "You should hurry up and come on in here or we'll start without you!"

"Coming!" Sword Maiden's amused voice called back amusedly, "Just give me a few moments to decide what to wear... oh this one feels so nice. I didn't think a swimsuit could feel like this…"

"It is nice isn't it? It is actually a prototype I made as part of my attempts to get into fashion, using a special material that my Brother acquired from me from a Beach Town." Vampire Sister's voice could be heard saying.

"Really?" Sword Maiden replied with very keen interest.

"Oh, yes. My brother was the one to find out about the material from one of his Adventures. In fact, many of the ideas I have in my business ventures originate from my talks with him. You wouldn't believe the things he knows…"

"Huh, if they're going to be gossiping, then they might be a while." Banshee Elf Archer sighed.

"Uh, are you sure it's a good idea hurrying the Archbishop? I mean, she does need to choose what to wear." Zombie Priestess asked with a frown. Undead Master had been enough of a handful having already treated the Archbishop with such brusqueness, so it wouldn't do if her other party members started forgetting decorum too.

"Relax. There isn't any harm in letting her Holiness know how good the pool is. Think of it as building the hype," Banshee Elf Archer winked playfully while placing her hands on her hips, "And honestly, I don't see why she had to pick out a swimsuit and go nude like I am. We're all girls here and this is basically a really, really big bath, so why all the modesty?"

"Hm, actually now that you mention it… I wonder why they decided to make it a heated indoor pool instead of a normal bath,>" Zombie Priestess, looked at the Gargoyle at the far and of the pool curiously, "I mean while this is happens to be large and deep enough that we can do swimming in it, from what I can tell everyone mostly uses this as a hot spring. If we preplaced that Gargoyle at the end with a Statute of the Goddess of Baths, I wouldn't be able to tell that this was a pool."

"Well, I asked about it earlier, and the answer is quite funny," Banshee Elf Archer, "It had something to do with the Goddess of Baths not liking Vampires."

"Oh, I remember that from the Mother Superior's tales!" Zombie Priestess recalled, "Something about the first Vampire building a sacrilegious bath of blood in his castle, insulting everything she stood for and causing all Vampires to earn her enmity for all time?"

"Yep, that's the tale," Banshee Elf Archer confirmed, "The whole vendetta thing from the Goddess forced Orcbolg's sister to think creatively. Then while she was considering her options, she somehow got the idea of combining her bath with a swimming pool as a technical workaround of the Goddess' teachings. The result was this beauty. Cool story, eh?"

"I see. Well, this is an interesting way of getting around the rules based on a technicality. But still, I hope the Goddess doesn't take too much of an offence." Zombie Priestess said worriedly.

"Meh. You worry too much." Banshee Elf Archer laughed spiritedly. "Look, it's just a pool. Enjoy it!"

"I'm still worried, though," Zombie Priestess admitted nervously, the tension from this night events causing her to be more apprehensive than usual. Now that Zombie Priestess knew about the story behind the pool, she could not help but think the Goddess would be furious that her laws had been circumvented. Possibilities of the Goddess wrath reverberated in the young Priestess' mind.

"Er, are you okay? You're looking mighty pale there." Banshee Elf Archer asked.

"I'm… I'm worried. The Goddess of Baths doesn't have temples like the other Gods. Baths are all she has, and she really hates Vampires," Zombie Priestess bit her lip fearfully, "What if she takes offence to what Vampire Sister is doing by having a bath on a technicality? What if she sends a sign?"

Banshee Elf Archer's eyes flew open.

"DO NOT SAY THA-"

And that was when the mangled body of a Goblin Champion, it's entire right side a bloody mess from some kind of tremendous impact, the crashed through the skylight and landed right in the middle of the pool with a tremendous splash. Within seconds, the pristine waters of the baths were marred by a growing pool of blood and guts that started from where the body had crashed, and were slowly making their way outwards.

Banshee Elf Archer and Zombie Priestess stared at the corpse and the spreading pool of red in complete shock, their eyes wide as saucers and their arms handing limply at their sides.

"Rookie," Banshee Elf Archer stated once she had found her voice again, her head turning mechanically to stare at the Priestess with a look that was colder than ice, "Forget just having a talk. I am going to make a List for you, just like the one I made for Orcbolg. A List about things you should not to say under any circumstances, because clearly when you say things, things happen."

"O-okay." Zombie Priestess cowered.

"By the Gods, you and Orcbolg are going to drive me insane at the rate things are going," Banshee Elf Archer turned her eyes skyward, lamenting her entire existence, "The pool is ruined!"

Zombie Priestess had no idea what to say to comfort the poor Undead Elf, the one amongst the Goblin Slayers who had needed the stress relieving pool most. There was a dead Goblin floating in the water, with hazardous glass shards and Goblin guys everywhere, so there was no way anyone was using the pool now. How could this possibly get any-

"Is everything alright out there?" Sword Maiden's voice called from inside the changing room "I heard a crash outside. Is there anything the matter?"

Had Banshee Elf Archer and Zombie Priestess paled even further than their ghastly pallor already was. Things had officially gotten worse.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Undead Master and the Goblin Slayers in…

"Is it okay to be thankful to a necromancer?"

Starring…

Goblin Slayer as Undead Master
Priestess as Zombie Priestess
High Elf Archer as Banshee Elf Archer
Dwarf Shaman as Hollow Dwarf
Lizardman Priest as Skeleton Lizardman

…And…

Big Sister as Vampire Sister

A not for profit fanfiction by Sasahara17 based on the dark fantasy adventure series Goblin Slayer by Kumo Kagyu, and inspired by the hit idol group Franchouchou of Saga Prefecture, who were produced and re-animated by Kotaro Tatsumi, Cygames and Studio Mappa.
Please support the official releases!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

"Oh, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap!" Banshee Elf Archer swore, jumping up and down on her feet in a panic while clutching the sides of her head, "Crap, crap, crap! Orcbolg is behind this, I am sure of it!"

"What do we do? What do we do?" Zombie Priestess whimpered as she quivered from head to toe.

It was one thing trying to explain away the sounds of battle in the distance, but it was an entirely different thing to explain away a dead body of a Goblin that was floating in right dab in the middle of the pool in a mangled heap! Worse, had Sword Maiden not been delayed by her gossiping with Vampire Sister, the body would have fallen into the pool while they were in it!

"Girls, is something the matter?" Vampire Sister's voice asked from the changing room, "I know you're both impatient, but we're almost done. We'll just be a second more."

"What do we do? They're coming out! The Archbishop is going to see!" Zombie Priestess whirled on Banshee Elf Archer and hoped that the more experienced Silver, known for their experience, skill and most of all their dependability, would have an answer to their conundrum.
"You're asking me? This isn't anything I've encountered before, damnit, and I am over two thousand years old!" The clueless Elf replied, having graduated from merely clutching the sides of her head to pulling on her braids in frustration.

"But, but, but… you managed to convince the Archbishop earlier during dinner!" Zombie Priestess pointed out desperately, "Surely you can do it again?"

"That was a fluke! That was a fluke and we both know it!" Banshee Elf Archer retorted, "I can't do it again, not for something like this! There's a dead body right there! What do you expect me to say?"

"But we don't have any other options-"

"Wow, there's a lot of shouting. You two really need a lesson about the Supreme God's virtue of patience," Sword Maiden called out in jest. "Almost done. Give me a second to get tie this…."

"DON'T COME OUT!" Both Zombie Priestess and Banshee Elf Archer called out simultaneously.

"…may I ask why?" A much less amused Sword Maiden's voice replied, clearly now on guard after such a strong response from two of her hosts.

The two Undead Adventures stared at each other, horrified that impulsive action had now put the on the spot. Sword Maiden knew for sure now that something was wrong, and they needed to respond to her quickly to salvage the situation. There was not time to plan, no time to make excuses, or find aid. They just had to wing it as best they could and hope for the best.

With nothing to it, Zombie Priestess took in a deep breath and was about to speak the first excuse that popped into her mind…

"Zombie Priestess just slipped and quartered herself in the pool"

…when Banshee Elf Archer beat her to it.

"The young Priestess did what?" Sword Maiden's surprise was unmistakable.

"Er, yes. The young Priestess is… well… a Zombie, so her body is a little 'different' from the rest of us," Banshee Elf Archer continued, looking apologetically to Zombie Priestess while she spun her horrid, horrid lies, "When I disrobed and dropped my towel on the side of the pool, she slipped on it while getting in herself and kind of… fell to pieces."

"Oh. My. That… that sounds… well, that sounds dreadful." Sword Maiden's surprised and unsure tone was a sign that Banshee Elf Archer's last-minute harebrained explanation was working once more. Unfortunately, due to the nature of the excuse in question, Zombie Priestess could not find it in herself to feel relief or happiness that they had dodged disaster once more.

No, Zombie Priestess was feeling something completely different at that very moment.

"Well, she fell apart in the pool, so it's a total mess right now. Blood and guts all over the place now that her torso's in two pieces and her limbs are everywhere," Banshee Elf Archer explained just as Vampire Sister, dressed in a form fitting black swimsuit with red bat prints all over, entered the main pool area to have a look for herself. "I'm trying to put her back together."

"That is… that is… I'm not sure what to say to that." Sword Maiden admitted dumbly.

"Yeah, even the stuff from her dinner is floating around in the pool. Suck to have a digestive tract that can come apart, eh?" Banshee Elf Archer added in an attempt to increase the grossness factor, and then almost immediately regretted it upon seeing her statement's effect on Zombie Priestess.

"Oh, dear. That is quite a mess." Vampire Sister's eyes widened at the sight of the Goblin that now desecrated her pool, "I… I am afraid the pool is most certainly unusable in its' current state."

Owing to the magical energies that encouraged the water circulation, the pool had turned completely red by this point. The magical purification crystals that kept the pool clean had never been designed for this sort of the mess, so it would be a while before the pool returned to its' natural clear hue. Until then, Vampire Sister's pool of blood would not have looked out of place in the castle of any other evil Vampire. Anyone who saw the facility its' current state would justifiably believe that whoever had commissioned such a ghastly sight would have been evil to the core!

"Should I come out and help?"

"No, no, no, no! I've got this," Banshee Elf Archer responded quickly, her guilty eyes never once breaking eye contact with Zombie Priestess, "Zombie Priestess falls apart all the time on her Adventures, so we've gotten real used to picking up after her. Ha. Ha. Ha. That funny girl, right?"

Zombie Priestess was a compassionate girl, who cared for everyone around her and shied away from violence in all its' forms. Mercy, compassion and nonviolence were deeply ingrained into her since childhood, and even after her demise and subsequent revival, that aspect of her personality had not changed in the slightest. A kind, peace loving girl was just who Zombie Priestess was, and not even death could change that about her.

However, what death could not achieve, slander and humiliation seemingly could. At that very moment, the look Zombie Priestess was giving to Banshee Elf Archer would have stuck the Elf dead if she hadn't already been that way. Zombie Priestess had, after an entire day of having her nerves yanked around by fate, finally reached her breaking point.

"Okay, it seems like you have things well in hand here," Vampire Sister said, having come to the realization being next to Banshee Elf Archer while Zombie Priestess was about to blow was a bad place to be, as she rushed back into the changing room, "Alright, your Holiness! Sorry about the sudden unavailability of the pool. Perhaps something else is in order. A trip to the gallery, perhaps?"

"That would be wonderful. I've heard so much about your collection. Do you have any statues in there?" Sword Maiden replied happily as the danger she posed faded away.

Thus leaving Banshee Elf Archer and one very, very, very angry Zombie Priestess alone in the desecrated pool. The floating Goblin corpse was now the least of the Undead Elf's worries.

"For what it's worth I'm really sorry I did that," Banshee Elf Archer said with a shit eating smile that would have made it known to every onlooker that she was well aware of how dead she was, and not in the literal sense, "So uh, you know you can't actually kill me since I am already dead, right?"

"I know." Zombie Priestess suddenly smiled. "I'm just going to make you wish I had."

Then, before Banshee Elf Archer could react, Zombie Priestess seized the Elf that had besmirched her good name by the wait and, using the unnatural strength granted to her by her undead status, hurled the shrieking Banshee into the muddied pool.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

The Goblin Lord could not believe what was happening. In the span of a few hours, his once fearsome Goblin Army had been annihilated in what should have been the first stage of a glorious campaign. In his mind, five hundred Goblins should have been an unstoppable force. One that no kingdom could hope to stand again. Yet, even the arrogance and pride in the world could not blind the Goblin Lord to what he beheld with his very eyes.

His Goblin riders, blown apart by hidden explosives. His Goblin infantry, torn to ribbons by the grasping hands of the Undead. His Goblin Shamans and Champions, confronted by unexpected adversaries that were their equal in every respect before being smashed apart by a rotting Ogre that was a match for a thousand of his men. His army of five hundred was down to a fifth of that number.

Oh, the Goblin still had a hundred Goblins under his command. One hundred Goblin footmen, the ones that were bearing their 'human shields' that would have normally led the charge had circumstances not been different. It was still a force that he could commit to this battle.
However, two things stayed the Goblin Lord's hand.

First, barely any of the four hundred Goblins in the field remained. Only a single Shaman, a pair of Champions and a half dozen infantry still remained fighting, but given the Ogre was already advancing on them this small pocket of survivors would not last long. There was no value to be had to commit the remainder of his force to save them. These survivors were as good as dead.

Second, Goblin Lord was a Goblin at heart. For all his arrogance, his belief in his superiority and his strength, he was still a Goblin… and a Goblin was, above all else, a coward. With any illusions he may have had of achieving victory had now been shattered, Goblin Lord saw the possibly of his death if he continued on this path. That possibility, so clear in his mind now, overshadowed everything else.

The horde had had spent months building was done. Goblin Lord knew that now. How and why it had happened he still did not know. But what he did know what that as long as he survived, he would have a chance. His base, still had a few women capable of breeding. Experience had taught him time and again that as long as he was alive, another moment would come. There were still supplies. He may have lost the bulk of his men, but the hundred Goblins he had left with him meant he wouldn't be starting from scratch.

With a motion of his arm, Goblin Lord and his remaining Goblins turned away from the carnage, where the last of their comrades were still making their final stands, and retreated back into the forest. Carrying the battered unusable women, they had tied to wooden shields with them, the one hundred Goblins and their leader marched back into the woods, discontent by their failure to seize the farm but nevertheless thankful that they had managed to keep their lives.

Every Goblin had seen the horror their brethren had fallen prey to, but instead of feeling fear, sympathy, or grief, each and every Goblin's mind were already thinking, assessing what had happened from this. Learning, so that the next time they attacked this fiasco would not happen again. They would learn. They would improve. And then the Goblins would rise again.

"I knew that was what you would think."

Unfortunately for them, someone had something to say about that.

The Goblin Army stopped in their tracks as dozens of voices, hundreds of voices, spoke in unison from deeper in the darkness of the forest. A multitude of sounds, birdlike chirping, animalistic growling, insect like buzzing, all coming together in a symphony of sound that created humanlike speech that could be heard and understood. Speech, that was addressed to them.

"You are fools. I have already destroyed your home. There is nowhere for you to run to," The voice of legion spoke, "From the moment you crossed me, your death is certain. You will all die here."

The Goblins huddled together behind their shields, fear gripping their hearts as shadowy shapes flitted about between the trees in the darkness, so quick that not even their formitable night vision could catch but the faintest glimpses. Goblin Lord himself stood in the center of this formation Axe held before him in a combative pose, putting on a brave face for both his men and his pride while inwardly screaming in terror. Trapped in the darkness, Goblin Lord knew terror in its' purest form.

This… this was no Adventurer. No Adventurer would act like this. No Adventurer would fight like this. No Adventurer would proclaim their deaths with such certainty, such casualness like this.

What had they been fighting?

From the darkness, forms began to emerge.

First, a monstrous creature that stepped out into a small clearing illuminated by the moonlight.

It was a powerful beast, with the of a head of a human, body of a lion and the tail of a venomous scorpion, with deadly sharp quills all over its' body. It was a Manticore, a creature most deadly and a challenge for even the most skilled spearmen alive… however, the hole in its' forehead from the fatal blow that Spearman had landed remained as a testament to its' Undead nature.

Following behind it, a floating spheroid body with a great bulging eye in its' center, surrounded by smaller eyestalks that had their own eyes. A Beholder, a creature wielding enormous power through its' many eyes, was the bane of many magicians everywhere. However, even the most astute would have been unsettled by the unfocused, milky eyes of death that this specimen sported.

Then bursting from the tree line, came a large, bipedal, insect-like aberration. Its' chitinous armor was build around a gorilla like body, and two huge mandibles from its' insect like head showed to all the world that the Umber Hulk was a predator. Even though there was a hole in the center of its' chest where Witch had ended its' life, in its' undeath it remained a force to be reckoned with.

And then another monster emerged. And then another, and another, and another, until the one hundred Goblins and their leader were completely surrounded with a virtual menagerie of Undead monstrosities that existed for one reason and one reason alone.

To say the Goblins, and their Goblin Lord, were utterly terrified, would be an understatement.

Then, the Undead Abominations all spoke as one, their sounds coming together to deliver one final message to the doomed Goblins.
"An Army? A Lord? A Goblin Nation? Ridiculous," The voice said, dripping with contempt, "You are all Goblins. Just filthy, stinking Goblins… I? I am a Goblin Slayer."

And that was when the Undead Rock Eater burst out from under the feet of the Goblin Lord, swallowing the would-be monarch in a single moment and scattering the Goblins' feeble defensive formation to the four winds.

What followed… did not really need to be said.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Back in the barn, which was virtually untouched by the battle due to the fact all of the Goblins had died before even being able to step foot in there, two childhood friends sat side by side as they watched the battle draw to its' sad conclusion.

"The Goblins are dead. I have secured the hostages," Undead Master raised his head, the red glow in his eye slowly diminishing as he released direct control over the creatures he had sent to finish the retreating Goblins off, "The battle is over."

"Wow, all those monster corpses that Guild receptionist sold you turned out to be real useful, huh?" Cow Girl quipped from where she had been sitting next to him on a bale of hay, never once having left his side for the entire battle as she had promised, "And here I thought she was just selling them to us to make money for the Guild. Goblin Zombies are so much cheaper and easier to make."

"It is important to experiment. Different creatures can have different uses," Undead Master reminded her, "For instance Our four Rock Eaters are extremely useful for underground tunneling and construction. Imagination and experimentation…"

"…are weapons, I know, I know," Cow Girl finished her friends' favorite saying with a frown "Its' just… I get the sense she has some kind of ulterior motive selling us all these monsters, you know? The Guild doesn't normally do this sort of thing. What if she's plotting something?"

"I do not think so. The arrangement is mutually beneficial." Undead Master shrugged.

Cow Girl pouted briefly, wondering when her childhood friend would finally begin to understand the mind of a woman. Granted all the stories she had been told signaled to Cow Girl that obliviousness was a problem throughout the male species, but she had a feeling even Undead Master would be an exceptional case among his peers. When it came to the women in his life, Cow Girl included, Undead Master was about as dense as a brick!

But speaking of women…

"Are you sure the hostages are all safe?" Cow Girl asked worriedly, "I get that your Rock Eater tunneled into the Goblin's hideout and rescued the girls there, but the poor women that the Goblins carried into battle as shields were very close to where you said you confronted the Lord. Are you sure they are going to be okay?"

"I am. My Undead have been instructed to make the rescue of the women their highest priority. In any case I oversaw their rescue myself by assuming direct control. While many of them have injuries, with some medical attention they should survive," Undead Master informed Cow Girl confidently.

"Medical attention? Should we get the Priestess, then?"

"That would not be necessary. The young Priestess can only use minor miracles, and only three times a day. She has limited actual medical training. Her skill set is not very applicable to this situation, particularly given she has other duties to perform," Undead Master accessed logically, "Given the number of patients and the nature of their injuries, our medial training and the cave's medical center would produce more consistent results."

"I see," Cow Girl nodded, then pushed herself off from the bale off hay, rolling her shoulders as she did so, "I should go get the healing potions and first aid supplies from the storeroom and get the triage equipment ready then.

"That would be advisable," Undead Master agreed as he rose to follow her, "I will activate a few of the Dark Elf zombies we have to assist us."

"It's been a while since I have had to treat live patients like this," Cow Girl remarked as the pair proceeded to the corner of the barn, where a trap door lead to the underground tunnel network that spanned the estate, "Most of the time I'm just handling corpses for you. Using my skills to help living people would be a nice change from just preparing bodies for conversion into Zombies."

"Is that so?" Undead Master replied following after her.

"…you know that physically them will only be a part of the solution, right?" Cow Girl reminded Undead Master sadly, knowing what those poor women had gone though would leave lasting scars, both of body and of the mind. "If only the Church didn't shy away from us so much. We could have really used a mind healer in a situation like this."

"Indeed. It is a pity." Undead Master agreed, the pair descending into the tunnels to deal with the aftermath of the bloody battle. This was the sad part about dealing with Goblins. Murder and death the Goblins may bring, but much of the true suffering that those vermin inflicted was on those that survived, or were left behind to deal with the ashes… a fact that both Undead Master, Cow Girl and the rest of their family were all too familiar with.

"By the way… there's a lot of dead bodies out in the field, and the battle made a right mess. How are we going to clean it all up? There are craters, dead bodies, burned hedges, broken fencing everywhere…" Cow Girl said as she listed off the laundry list of things that would need fixing, "That's a fairly tall order to take care of, you know."

"Don't worry. I will deploy the maintenance crew to take care of it."

Cow Girl paused midstride upon hearing that.

"Um, didn't we store the maintenance crew in the house to save time? Won't they cause a commotion when they go out?" Cow Girl realized with a start, "What if they disturb our guest."

To this, Undead Master had a simple reply.

"Don't worry, my teammates will handle it."

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

"Oh! Young Priestess, you've come here to join us," Sword Maiden turned her head delightfully as Zombie Priestess stepped int the gallery where the Archbishop and her Vampire host was admiring one of the few carved stone statues that were in the collection, "It's so good to see that you are okay. The Honored Elf had me concerned something horrible happened to you!"

"It wasn't so bad, your Holiness. Strange situations happen to us all the time." Zombie Priestess replied reassuringly as she came up beside the older woman.

Owing to the 'cover story' Zombie Priestess had deliberately waited a full half hour before making her way to join Sword Maiden and Vampire Sister in the gallery to properly account for the time she would need for Banshee Elf Archer to 'put her back together'. The nerve of that Elf, honestly!

"I was wondering why you were talking so long that I was wondering if perhaps I should have remained behind to help out after all," Sword Maiden remarked compassionately turning to regard both the Vampire and then the Zombie before her, "I must say, 'life' as an Undead being is quite strange. To have a body that can fall apart by slipping on a towel… How do you deal with that?"

"Oh, you get used to it." Zombie Priestess replied with a blank look.

"Hm. That is odd," Vampire Sister caned her head around curiously to search for the missing member of their tour, "did you come alone? Where is our favorite Banshee?"

"Oh, her?" Zombie Priestess clasped her hands together somewhat happily, "The last I checked she's still in the pool. She volunteered to clean it all up. Wasn't that nice of her?"

Zombie Priestess remembered the scene she had witnessed as she left the pool.

One miserable Undead Elf, drenched head to toe in Goblin Blood and ears dropping as a sign of her distress, was starting to clean up the mess that had been made. A mop in one hand, a fishing net in the other, and several buckets and trash bins by her side, Banshee Elf Archer had undertaken the task of cleaning up the horrid disaster that the pool had become, all by herself without even calling the other Goblin Slayers for aid, as a way of apologizing to Zombie Priestess.

Although Zombie Priestess had tried her best to feel bad for the Elf as she departed the scene, truth be told she was still feeling a tad bit vindictive for what had happened. It wasn't every day that someone humiliated Zombie Priestess so completely in front of one of her childhood heroes, after all! While the young Priestess was sure she would feel bad about her vengeful feelings later, at the moment she was perfectly fine with the arrangement.

"So, are you enjoying the Gallery so far? There are mostly paintings in here, was I was a little worried about whether you would enjoy yourself here." Zombie Priestess said, quickly changing the subject before Sword Maiden could probe the ignominious fate of the Elf any further.

"Oh, young priestess, you should have more confidence in my collection." Vampire Sister chided playfully, "Although I do have many paintings in my gallery, I am very conscious of the fact that not all art can be captured on canvas. For example, take this magnificent statue here!"

The Vampire turned to gesture at the statue before the three women It was a marble statue of some sort of horned warrior that seemed vaguely familiar. Leather armor, a long sword at its' waist, exposed arms, full face concealing helmet with horns-wait a moment.

"Behold! A statute of my brother when he first started out as an Adventurer," Vampire Sister gestured proudly, "He was such a rookie back then. He's so different from how he is now, you wouldn't have recognized him!"

"This is what he looked like when he was younger?" Zombie Priestess focused her undivided attention on the statue before her… and much to her disappointment, found herself being unable to make out any changes. That helmet really did conceal everything, didn't it?

"Can I touch it?" Sword Maiden asked quickly. Almost too quickly, in fact. "I can't see, so I will need to touch it to get a sense of what I am looking at."

"Please do!" Vampire Sister allowed happily.

Sword Maiden's hand darted out quickly… and, owing to the height difference and the fact the statue was on a pedestal, accidentally grasped the statue's groin.

Zombie Priestess instantly went red in the face and let out an audible squeak.

"Oh, my. I seem to have grabbed the wrong part of the statue. Terribly sorry about that," Sword Maiden retracted her hand quickly, but honestly didn't sound very disappointed by what she had felt at all, "I hope I didn't offend you by doing that. I was hoping to gra-I mean touch, his chest."

"Not at all. Mistakes happen from time to time," Vampire Sister waved off those concerns with an understanding smile, "Still, I thought it interesting you wanted to have a feel for my brother's chest. I think it might interest you know that the finest artisans made that statue for me… it is completely, anatomically accurate to my brother."

"R-Really?!" Sword Maiden and Zombie Priestess responded simultaneously, one excited and the other completely scandalized.

"Yes, really!" Vampire Sister said delightfully. "Want to try getting a feel of it again? You didn't really get a good grasp of it the last time. If you really want to commit this statue of my brother to memory, you need to get a good feel of it."

"Don't mind if it do!" Sword Maiden said enthusiastically, while Zombie Priestess decided she wanted to die again on the spot.

Perhaps she should have remained behind with Banshee Elf Archer to clean the pool. She should have known that job would have been infinitely more easy to do than dealing with the Archbishop!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Thankfully for Zombie Priestess' nerves and dignity, the Sword Maiden had been much more tired than any of her hosts had expected. After feeling up several more statues, mostly the ones Vampire Sister had commissioned of her brother while passing over the statues of her other family members and friends, the Archbishop had declared her intention to retire for the evening.

"I think all the good food and wine you served earlier has settled into my stomach a little too well," Sword Maiden explained with much satisfaction as the three women exited the gallery and began making their way to the main foyer through the manor's corridors, "I'm not normally one to get this tired so quickly. I'm sorry if this makes it seem like I am not interested in your Gallery"

"Don't worry about it. As a Vampire, I know how tired someone can get if they stay out too late. Early to bed, early to rise and all that," Vampire Sister replied understandingly, "If you sleep now, we'll have more time to deal with the work in the morning, and better yet hopefully the pool will be fixed by then so you can use it."

"That sounds like a good idea. After all, while all this leisure time is nice, there is work that does need to be done," Sword Maiden agreed wholeheartedly, "It must be so inconvenient for you, being active while so many others are sleeping. How do you ever deal with it?"

"Oh, there are plenty of ways to get around that problem. Delegation is a key tool for us business owner, you know!" Vampire Sister laughed as the three women stepped into the foyer…

…just as the door to the basement door under one of the flights of stairs slammed open, causing Zombie Priestess to jump in fright. From within the darkness rushed forth a line of Goblins. Dozens or Goblins! Hundreds of Goblins! A virtual horde of Goblins carrying… gardening equipment?

"By the Earth Mother, what in the world?" Zombie Priestess gaped, having jumped in front of the Vampire and Archbishop protectively upon seeing the Goblins. At first she had assumed that their defenses had been breached and a fight had been about to break out, but now that she looked closer something very different was going on.

Horde of Goblins, carrying hoes, tills, sears, spades and an assortment of a whole bunch of other tools was rushing out from the basement door towards the main entrance of the manor. The first Goblin, carrying a hammer in one hand and a bottle of loose nails in the other, kicked the door open and charged out, the rest of the Goblins following right after him like a line of worker ants.

This was not a Goblin attack. However, for Zombie Priestess, that distinction was not a very useful one given her specific circumstances.

With a veritable horde of Zombies rushing about in clear view, Zombie Priestess nervously turned to face the two women behind her. The first was Sword Maiden, a woman who had spent some time in the 'care' of Goblins in her youth and, if the stories had Zombie Priestess had heard were true, someone who had came away from that disaster lasting mental scars. The second was Vampire Sister, the woman who had hired the Goblin Slayers to keep Sword Maiden away from any Goblins and was also a victim of Goblin cruelty.

Goblins were tromping around in front of them at this very moment. Zombie Priestess was so mortified by what was happening, she could have died.

"Oh my." Sword Maiden raised a hand to her mouth in surprise as the virtual line of Goblins continued to rush from the basement to the exit in front of them, "That's a whole lot of Zombies you have there. I didn't know your estate had that many."

"You can tell they're Zombies?" Zombie Priestess's head snapped back to Sword Maiden, shocked that the other woman could tell what was happening despite her blindness.

"The footsteps of a Zombie and the footsteps of a real Goblin are very different, my dear." Vampire Sister explained with a comforting hand on Zombie Priestess shoulder, "Besides, our dear Archbishop's aura vision lets her see a great many things. She can tell with a glance these are not the beings she had feared for so much of her life."

"I only fear living Goblins. Dead ones are of no threat to me," Sword Maiden noted reassuringly, before a slightly sadistic smile graced her features, "In fact, I find the thought of dead Goblins very pleasing. Seeing so many of these Zombie Goblins is actually quite comforting."

"Oh, I see. T-that's good to know, then." Zombie Priestess replied fearfully. She had only seen that smile on one other person before, and Lady Revenant had not been the most stable of minds. This was not the look she had ever hoped to see on the Archbishop of the Supreme God's church.

By this point the Zombie Goblins were slowing to a trickle. Although there had been many, their numbers were not endless, and by this point only a few tailing Zombies Goblins, carrying sacks of gardening soil, were shambling after where their fellows had rushed off to.

"I am curious though, where are all these Zombies going?" Sword Maiden wondered turning to look out the open door, "This is an awful lot of them that are heading out with all that equipment. I wonder what could be the matter?"

Zombie Priestess froze once again faced with yet another instance where she would have to explain an absurd situation to Sword Maiden to keep her away from the truth. However, unlike all the previous times this had happened, she did not have any of her party members with her. Banshee Elf Archer was still cleaning the pool, without the Undead Elf it meant it fell to Zombie Priestess to spin yet another yarn of lies. There would be no hiding behind the Silver Ranked Adventurers this time.

However, Zombie Priestess knew in her heart that she was a poor liar, and between her ineptitude and Sword Maiden's Sense Lie miracles, there was no hope!

"What do I do? What do I do?" Zombie Priestess whimpered, unable to think up anything.

"Oh, it's simple really. They're my workers!"

Zombie Priestess' head snapped to where Vampire Sister stood. The Vampire' stood confidently without even the slightest discomfort casually gestured to the door where the Zombies had gone.

"You know it is so hard to find people willing to work for a Vampire these days, even after I offer them three times the national average as a salary," Vampire Sister gave a longsuffering sigh that may have been a tad overdramatic, "So, I asked my brother to help me get some workers for menial labor, and he offered up some of his Zombies as workers for the fields."

"Really?" Sword Maiden said with some surprise.

"Really!" Vampire Sister nodded in affirmation, "Why do you think they were all carrying gardening equipment?"

"Wow, that sounds like a novel use of Zombies." Sword Maiden observed, while Zombie Priestess was left staring at the Vampire with her mouth agape.

"Indeed! You have no idea how useful Zombies can be for menial labor. Obviously there are some complex tasks that only an intelligent person can handle, but for pulling weeds and watering the plants? Zombies are more than perfect!" Vampire Sister quipped brightly, "They don't need wages, they don't need food or rest, I won't even need to worry about them forming a union or going on strike… the only problem is that my Zombies have to work at night to avoid scaring the neighbors!"

"That… that's actually a brilliant idea!" Sword Maiden clapped her hands in appreciation of the Vampire's brilliant, cost saving idea, "Is that the secret to your success? Zombie workers?"

"Partially. I also use my familiars to cut down on the need for a large labor force. There are a whole bunch of other secrets as well that I use for improving my products, but those are trade secrets," Vampire Sister winked cheekily, "I'm not going to let you in on all my business secrets that easily!"

Zombie Priestess couldn't tell if Vampire Sister was lying or not. In fact, she was pretty sure that was at least a grain of truth in the Vampire's words. However, regardless as to the truthfulness of Vampire Sister's claims, what mattered was that Sword Maiden was once again distracted by what she had just witnessed and was completely assured that all was well. In fact, Vampire Sister had managed to even get the Archbishop to buy into the tale!

Had Zombie Priestess not already known there had been a Goblin Army outside, she would have believed completely in Vampire Sister's words too! Banshee Elf Archer's lies had already been ridiculous enough as it was, but it was clear that Vampire Sister was on a whole different level.

Silver Rank Adventurer? Amateurs compared to the fearsome might of the Vampire Lords!

"Teach me." A completely awed Zombie Priestess blurted out impulsively towards the Vampire.

"Teach you what?" Sword Maiden tilted her head in confusion.

"Later." Vampire Sister smiled pleasantly, before gently suggesting that Sword Maiden retire to her room as the Vampire needed to oversee the Zombies working in the fields and take care of other business… A completely plausible lie that Sword Maiden didn't even pause at.
Vampires. No wonder why they were so feared.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

The next morning, while Sword Maiden and Vampire Sister were meeting in one of the private conference rooms to discuss their actual work in confidence, the four Undead Goblin Slayers reconvened in one of the empty guest rooms to access their performance the previous day. Banshee Elf Archer's assessment of their performance was short, blunt, to the point and entirely accurate.

"I have no idea how we managed to get through that." The Undead Elf declared from where she lay sprawled out on the bed, clearly exhausted after she had spent the entire night clearing the pool and making it presentable again, "I have never experienced an 'Adventure' like this in my entire career."

"In retrospect, our underperformance here should have been expected. Most of our previous adventures had been monster hunts, dungeon exploration and frontier expeditions into uncharted land," Skeleton Lizardman observed, arms folded in contemplation, "Our lack of experience in a dealing with such a trial, particularly one as unusual as this, was clearly to our detriment here."

It was times like this that Zombie Priestess was reminded that not all Silver Ranked Adventurers were created equally. The ranking system, while certainly an effective way of gauging an Adventurer's abilities, was not the be all, end all measurement of the worth of an Adventurer.
It is said that an Adventurer with the strength of a thousand men but did not have an ounce of honesty would never make it past Steel. Conversely, an Adventurer with the strength of only a single man but could be counted on completing any mission before them without fail, could rise to the Silvers by diligence alone. Thus, it stood to reason there were Silver ranked Adventurers who were less combat capable than others, but made up for their deficiencies with guile and cunning. Conversely, there were others who were extremely capable in battle or exploration but knew they weren't as capable out of their chosen field… but so long as they recognized their limits and planned around them, these Adventurers would be worthy of their rank.

At least that was how Zombie Priestess understood it. Certainly, Skeleton Lizardman's observations about why they had been on the edge of disaster the entire time did make sense at face value, but there was more to it than that.

"I'll have to disagree with you there," Hollow Dwarf shook his head, "We have met and talked with important people before, you know, and I think that shows we all know our manners well. The main problem was the fact Beard Cutter was having much too fun out there killing all those Goblins."

"You weren't too helpful yourself, staying in the game room playing pool while us girls were dealing with dead Goblins showing up everywhere." Banshee Elf Archer accused, causing both males to flinch, "Poor Zombie Priestess and I needed back up, you know?

"In their defense, we told them they shouldn't follow us into the pool because it was a girls' only event," Zombie Priestess pointed out, "and Vampire Sister managed to solve the other problem as soon as it appeared. Honestly, it was partially our fault that they weren't around to do more."

The two males looked at Zombie Priestess with extremely grateful expressions.

"Urg… I thought you were supposed to be on my side. In any case, I am going to kill Orcbolg when I see him for putting us through all that," Banshee Elf Archer hissed, then let out a long groan, "But maybe after I have had a long rest first. My muscles are killing me."

"Speaking of which, where is Milord Undead Master? I would have thought the conclusion of the battle would see him rejoin us." Skeleton Lizardman noted the sole member of the Goblin Slayers who was not yet present in the room.

"He said something about needing to deal with the aftermath when I passed him in the foyer this morning," Hollow Dwarf recalled curiously, "He was carrying woodworking tools with him. I think we wants to fix the fence before he will be able to rejoin us."

"That's being very responsible of him to do that. I found that most of the other Adventurers in our Guild they would just leave after the battle is done with, leaving the townsfolk to take care of any repairs." Zombie Priestess noted with growing respect for the necromancer.

"Well this is his house, so it is natural for him to fix it up after a big battle like the one that happened light night. But you are right that Beard Cutter goes out of his way to repair any damage to the villages that are caused by the battles we fight," Hollow Dwarf informed the young Priestess, "You haven't seen it much yet since most of the Goblin hunts we have been on were in the lairs, but the next time we are fighting defensively to defend a village you'll see this aspect of him, clear as day."

"That's very nice of him to do that for the villagers. I wish more adventurers were like him." Zombie Priestess noted compassionately.

"Ha! More the last thing we need is having more Adventurers like Orcbolg!" Banshee Elf Archer scoffed. "Gah! I have no idea how we managed to get through that with our sanities intact! Explosions? Monsters? Goblins falling through the ceiling? It's a damn good thing the Archbishop is blind, or we wouldn't have been able to keep up the charade."

"Aye, pointy ears. Your fibs were hard enough to believe in as it was. Imagine if she had been able to look you in the eye while you were bluffing!" Hollow Dwarf laughed.

"Had her Holiness been able to just look out the window and see the battle raging outside, then there would have been little any of us could have done," Skeleton Lizardman agreed, "Although it is a sad thing that her blindness had impaired our friend so, in this case I think it was something that saved us a fair bit of trouble."

"Yeah, it's a good thing her Aura Vision didn't let her see real things," Zombie Priestess added cheerfully, "I mean, it was bad enough that I was worrying that she would be using her Sense Lie miracle again, but I can't imagine having to deal with the fact she could see!"
Zombie Priestess good mood lasted for a moment longer, and then plummeted when she realized all three of her seniors were looking at her with horror written across all their faces.

"Child," Skeleton Lizardman articulated slowly, "Please repeat to me what you just said? Because if my hearing is not failing me in my undead state, I could have sworn you said that her Holiness had Aura Vision and had already used the Sense Lie miracle once on you already."

"Um, Sword Maiden has Aura Vision, and had used the Sense Lie miracle on me lately?" Zombie Priestess gulped, carefully watching the expressions on the faces of her fellows to access just how bad the situation happened to be. She quickly reached the conclusion that things… were bad.

Banshee Elf Archer had gone completely red in the face. With anger.

"Oh dear." Skeleton Lizardman sighed.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

"YOU KNEW ABOUT THE GOBLIN ARMY!?" Banshee Elf Archer shrieked as she kicked open the door to the conference room, causing both Vampire Sister and Sword Maiden to look up from their discussions towards the unexpected disruption, "YOU KNEW ABOUT THE GOBLIN ARMY AND YOU STILL LET US MAKE A FOOL OF OURSELVES?!"

Running in behind the furious banshee was the rest of the party, clearly panicking as they tried to rein in their angry party member and stop her from getting into an altercation with the most powerful representative of the church in the land.

"If you were worried was I was trying to embarrass you, that was never my intent," Sword Maiden replied, completely unperturbed by the angry Banshee that was advancing on her, "As before, I merely wanted to enjoy a casual dinner with you all. Talking about the Goblins outside would not have been conductive to that."

"Ah-ha! So, you admit it! You knew about the Goblins and were having a laugh while I was making a damn fool of myself!" Banshee Elf Archer snarled accusatorily while two sets of arms, one steel and stout and the other bony and strong, wrapped themselves around the furious Banshee's struggling body to restrain her, "How could you make fun of me like that? I thought we were friends!"

"Calm down, Honored Elf! Acting thoughtlessly as you are will do us no good!" Skeleton Lizardman said through grit teeth as the Banshee strained to break free from his powerful grip.

"Pointy Ears, this is not how we deal with our clients!" Hollow Dwarf rumbled, also too straining from the exertion, "I don't care how insulted you are. By the Gods, you're an Adventurer, act like it!"

"Please, calm down!" Zombie Priestess bowed repeatedly to her raging colleague, tears in her eyes.

Banshee Elf Archer huffed a few times more, then relented and allowed Hollow Dwarf and Skeleton Lizardman to sit her down on one of the vacant chairs in the room. Before long, the other Goblin Slayers took their own seats while Vampire Sister and Sword Maiden waited patiently for the four Adventurers to get themselves sorted out.

"So, I take it you knew from the beginning that the Goblins were attacking?" Banshee Elf Archer grumbled, glaring at the Archbishop with her arms folded over her chest.

"Not at first," Sword Maiden admitted honestly as she placed her hands on the table in a gesture of her sincerity, "I was only sure that it was Goblins that was attacking after I confronted Vampire Sister in the gallery, but by that point I was very sure something was amiss. I suspected it was Goblins, but as I said, I had no direct evidence pointing to that specific thing."

"Madam Sister? She confronted you?" Skeleton Lizardman looked to the Vampiress in question, who turned away bashfully while placing a dainty hand to her cheek.

"Oh, yes she did. I was alone with Sword Maiden for a bit while young Priestess and our Elven friend here were still in the pool sorting out that mess," Vampire Sister admitted abashedly, "I had to admit to her that the battle outside involved Goblins. It was a very awkward conversation."

"I see. Then we have utterly failed if we had to inconvenience our client by our failure in our mission to keep Sword Maiden occupied," Skeleton Lizardman bowed deeply, "Our sincerest apologies for our ineptitude. We did not accomplish the task you hired us for."

"No, it's not that bad," Vampire Sister waved her hand quickly to wave off the Lizardman's guilt, "The awkwardness was more to do with the fact you four were so awful about lying, Sword Maiden couldn't believe how quickly you lot tipped her off to the Goblins outside!"

"Wait, what?" Banshee Elf Archer blinked uncomprehendingly.

"Yes, unfortunately, you were really that bad." Sword Maiden stated with an embarrassed smirk, "Honestly, the way you attempted to explain away the noises I had heard were just as bad those excuses those my old party members used the first time my group did something like this. It really did take me back to my gold glory days, though not in the way I had intended."

"So, you mean none of the explanations we used worked?" Zombie Priestess asked.

"Not a single one. In fact, had you tried those on anyone other than myself, I guarantee you that the other Adventurers in the Guild will never let you liver it down… as our dear King knows all too well, ," Sword Maiden said wistfully, remembering her own Adventures so long ago, "Part of the reason I didn't call you out immediately is that I was sitting where you were a long time ago, and know how embarrassing it was to be there. I was trying to figure out a way to let you all down nicely."

"Thank you for your consideration I guess?" Hollow Dwarf scratched the top of his head.

"Wait, but this means that you already knew about the Goblins when I met you again in the Gallery!" Zombie Priestess realized with a start, raising a hand to point at Vampire Sister, "That means the explanation about the Zombie Goblins going out to work the fields wasn't needed! Then why…?"

Vampire Sister and Sword Maiden turned to each other, sharing an amused smile, before Vampire Sister turned to answer the Priestess' question.

"Well, you're a young Adventurer just starting out, so we didn't want the Banshee's attempts at lying to set the example for you to follow," Vampire Sister shrugged as she explained what had happened, "We couldn't have you think such poor performance is the norm in the field. It might harm your future career! So after she confronted me, we decided that should the opportunity arise I would show you a good example on how telling a little white lie is done. You know, the proper way."

There was a loud thump as Banshee Elf Archer's head slammed into the table before her. The poor Elf's humiliation was complete. Not even Hollow Dwarf had the heart to say anything.

Their client not holding them accountable for failing in their jobs so utterly? The Archbishop forgiving them for lying to her, knowing full well they were doing it the entire time? The Archbishop taking pity on them for being such horrible liars. Well this Adventure was turning out to be a real roller coaster of emotions. Their report to the guild going to be an unusual one, Indeed!

"Wait a damn-It was me? I was the one who tipped you off? GAH! I've never been so frustrated in my entire life!" Banshee Elf Archer despaired as she returned to a sitting position while gripping her sidelocks in anguish, "The other Adventurers in the Guild are gonna give me hell for this! Damn it all, this means I'm just as responsible for messing up the Adventure as Orcbolg was!"

"Not quite," Sword Maiden raised a hand to calm the frantic Undead Elf, "While your lack of any ability to construct believable lies certainly did contribute greatly to my suspicions, what initially tipped me off was something different. So, while you did contribute, the initial cause was not you."

"Really? What did we do that revealed that something was amiss?" Skeleton Lizardman asked, clearly taking great interest in the lessons that Sword Maiden was giving out at that moment. Indeed, Hollow Dwarf and Zombie Priestess were also paying close attention now. This Adventure may have been a disaster, but if they learned the harsh lessons taught by it, then such a fiasco would hopefully never happen again.

"It isn't so much as 'what' you did that tipped me off, but more of 'who' it was that tipped me off," Sword Maiden tilted her head and gave a playful smile, "Tell me, did you notice during the entire dinner that I had not asked about the whereabouts of your leader?"

The four Goblin Slayers turned to each other as slow realization came over them. Despite having greeted Sword Maiden upon her arrival, confirming his presence on the estate, Undead Master had then been conspicuously absent at the family dinner where the host was his sister… someone everyone knew that Undead Master loved with all his heart. He would not be absent at the dinner if he could help it, and given that he was, that could only mean he was preoccupied.

"And haven't you already realized that, despite the fact I have just admitted I had suspected Goblins were on the premises at the time, I was not concerned in the least for my own safety?" Sword Maiden continued, the smile on her face growing, "For someone you know had once been petrified by the thought of being in the same area as live Goblins, don't you think my calmness odd?"

Zombie Priestess gulped as her brain connected the dots and came to the only logical conclusion that made any sense. Oh, how obvious it was in retrospect! How obvious it was that their mission had been doomed before Banshee Elf Archer had even blurted out the first of her lame excuses!

"So that's why you suspected that Goblins were involved," Zombie Priestess deduced aloud, "If Undead Master was on the estate but not at the table to have a family dinner with his sister, then there could only be one other place he could have been…"

"Killing Goblins," Sword Maiden nodded, confirming that the Zombie's conclusion was correct, "And that's also why I was not scared in the slightest. After all…

The smile that was coming off the Archbishop's face was positively radiant.

"…what have I to fear from Goblins when the Goblin Slayers are already dealing with them?"

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
It went without saying that the four Goblin Slayers didn't have much more appetite to continue dealing with Sword Maiden for the rest of the day. Thankfully, Vampire Sister and Sword Maiden were now deep into talks, their presence wasn't strictly required until the afternoon when Vampire Sister planned to sleep. As such, the four Goblin Slayers took the opportunity to retire to their own quarters to rest and recover from their ordeal.

The Goblin Amy was eradicated, and all that was really left to do was to play host to Sword Maiden until the end of the weekend. The Goblin slayers had earned their respite.

However, try as she might, Zombie Priestess found herself restless. Although much had happened so far, questions still lingered in the Zombie Priestess' mind that prevented her from simply tuning out the world and taking her well-deserved rest. Questions that caused Zombie Priestess to seek out the necromancer she owed her current existence to.

As she had been told by Hollow Dwarf, she found Undead Master working at the edge of the estate with several of his Zombies. The necromancer and his workmen were carefully working to restore the land to its' prior state and clean up the mess that had been left behind.
The hedge had been cut down, and the fencing was in the process of being reinstalled. The craters in the ground were being refilled with soil and smoothened out, the explosive charges underneath already having been replaced. What few Goblin bodies that remained after a full night of tidying were being loaded into a wagon, presumably to be taken to the necromancer's lair.

Although the land had been scarred badly by the battle, Zombie Priestess could see undeniable signs that it was, indeed, healing.

"Good morning, Sir," Zombie Priestess greeted as she approached the necromancer, who was overseeing the restoration efforts like a foreman at a construction site, "I can see from the damage that it must have been quite the battle. Have you been up all-night doing repair work?"

"Good morning, Priestess. And yes, I have," Undead Master turned to regard the young Priestess, "While the damage to the estate was limited to only this small grazing area, it is important to restore the defenses as soon as possible in case another emergency arises."
"And you're doing this alone?"

"No, not alone. I have many Zombies with me. Their assistance would not make the restoration possible otherwise." Undead Master gestured to the many servants he had going about their assigned tasks in the field before him.

"That's not what I meant," Zombie Priestess frowned, wondering if he was being deliberately obtuse or was really just this dense, "I meant was there anyone accompanying you during the battle? Someone you had watching your back, or at very least keeping you company?"

"There was," Undead Master responded with a curt nod, "However she is currently resting after having worked throughout the night helping the women we rescued from the Goblins."

"Wait, the Goblins had captives?" Zombie Priestess reeled in shock upon hearing the news.

In the rush to deal with the chaos of the previous night, Zombie Priestess had completely forgotten one key fact that was always true whenever Goblins were involved… that they held captives for reproductive purposes. Although Zombie Priestess had only gone on a few Adventures so far, each and every one drove this fact home to her. Now that she thought about it, a Goblin army of this size would necessitate a large stock of breeders to support their numbers. Breeders, women, who would no doubt experience horrors that Zombie Priestess shuddered to think about.

"We rescued forty-eight women from the Goblins, twenty-nine of which required medical attention," Undead Master turned away, his gaze focusing on something distant, "My companion and I worked through the night treating their injuries. The women are now in stable condition, and I plan to send a runner to a church later to arrange transport for them to a place of healing."

"I-I don't… why didn't you call on me?" Zombie Priestess pressed a hand to her heart, clearly hut that Undead Master hadn't thought to send for her. She was a healer, a Priestess of the Earth Mother. Her calling was to protect, to heal, to save… but she hadn't done any of that this night.

"Your particular skill set was unnecessary at this point of time. At your present abilities, you can only cast three miracles a day. Non-magical battlefield triage is something you are still learning, let alone treatments for more serious matters," Undead Master answered simply, "Between myself, my companion and our store of emergency healing potions, we had more than sufficient skill and resources to treat the influx of patients. There was no need to send for you."

Zombie Priestess could not believe what she was hearing. There had been poor women who had been ravaged by the Goblins, women that had been in dire need of the Earth Mother's grace, and Zombie Priestess had been too busy worrying about whether a stupid lie would be discovered to notice… and couldn't have noticed, for Undead Master did not think to include her for he had judged her skills unnecessary. Inexperienced. Powerless. Inadequate.

That… hurt.

It hurt much more than any physical wound that Zombie Priestess had ever experienced before.

"B-But why?" Zombie Priestess asked, her lips quivering as tears threatened to fall from her eyes, "Healing is what I was trained to do. Healing is what I was meant for. But if I can't do that, if I can't be useful, what am I even here for? What good am I, if I can't heal?"

Undead Master turned his head to face her once more, clearly shocked to get this reaction out of her. It seemed from her previous question that the man really was that dense, if he couldn't realize how his thoughtless decision to exclude Zombie Priestess would affect her.

"I don't understand so many things! The Earth Mother approves of me, even though I am everything her teachings abhors. My life as Adventurer is nothing like I thought it would be like. And now, I can't even do my duty, because you won't let me." Zombie Priestess dropped her face into her hands and began to sob, "Why did you revive me in the first place? Why did you revive me as a zombie?"

Two strong arms suddenly wrapped themselves around Zombie Priestess' quivering form, drawing the smaller girl into Undead Master's strong embrace. The necromancer began gently patting her on the back, comforting her with compassion she had not expected.

"I am sorry. I did not consider you feelings in this," Undead Master admitted apologetically, gently patting the Zombie's quivering back to calm her, "I have been told that I am not very conscious of the intricacies of social interaction. It is something I am working on."

"You… you could have talked to me before you decide, you know?" Zombie Priestess whimpered.

"I will keep that in mind in the future," Undead Master noted firmly, "But to ease your worries. No, I do not think you are useless. I had merely accessed the situation and judged it more worthwhile for your continued growth to stay with the others to deal with Sword Maiden than to accompany me."

"Judged it more worthwhile? What's that supposed to mean?" Zombie Priestess quietly demanded.

"It means I believed your experiences with Sword Maiden would help you learn social interaction skills… skills that could stop you from making mistakes like the one I just did."

That sudden admission of his own weakness caught Zombie Priestess' undivided attention. Gingerly, Zombie Priestess raised her read to gaze up at the helmeted gaze that was looking down at her in a fashion she could almost describe as kind. Familial, even. A compassionate look she had not seen on Undead Master before.

"When I saw you, dying in that cave, arrow through your throat and blood filling your lungs… you were still trying to cover that Wizard's body with your own. Despite the fact you were going to die, you wanted to save her," Undead Master reminded the young Adventuress, "You may be inexperienced, your heart is pure. Never doubt your worthiness. Your power, will grow in time. It is our duty as your mentors to help you grow in the right ways. Our lot is to tech, yours is to learn."

"But I feel so useless, now," Zombie Priestess wept, "Last night was a disaster. We did so badly…"

"The team did badly, not just you. We all hard parts to play in what happened last night, myself included," Undead Master refuted softly, "This is what I learned for what it means to be in a party. Our victories, and our failures, are all shared between us. Understand?"
Zombie Priestess nodded slowly, allowing his compassion to slowly erode the pain that now gripped her heart. How strange, that a Zombie would find comforting words from a necromancer.

"And as for why I selected you to become a Zombie… I did so because I saw in you something that I once wished for myself. Something I wanted to be, in my adolescence," Undead Master quietly confessed, "My master once told me, you will only know the true character of a person at the moment of the time of their death… and what I saw from your last thoughts at your death were wanting to be an Adventurer. A wish so strong, that I immediately knew of it when I saw your passing. I could not help but be moved by your selfness, courage and conviction."

"Is that really what you saw?" Zombie Priestess turned her head away, thankful her Undead nature meant that a blush on her cheeks would be impossible to form, and thus give away her feelings on the matter. Coming from a man as stoic as Undead Master, this was high praise indeed.

"In life, you may have wanted to be an Adventurer, but you certainly died as one. I thought that would be a waste that your future be robbed so cruelly, so I brought you back to fulfill your dreams."

"A wish to be an Adventurer… is it really that important to you?" Zombie Priestess asked.

"More than you know," Undead Master answered truthfully, a sad wistfulness creeping into his voice, "I am not the person I wanted to be as a child. My sister, my friend and my Uncle know this well. Perhaps this is a good thing, as my work keeps many innocents safe, but…"

"I see. You don't need to finish that sentence. I understand." Zombie Priestess touched the necromancer's arm gently, gratefulness surging through her heart. "I know what you mean."

"Is that so?" Undead Master replied, but left it at that.

Vampire Sister was right. This talk was something she needed to have.

"Tell me, Earth Mother… is it okay to be thankful to a necromancer for bringing me back as a Zombie?" Zombie Priestess whispered shortly to herself.

Although she did not hear the voice of the Earth Mother, Zombie Priestess had a good feeling on what the answer to that question would be.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

TBC…

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

 

[ScreenWatcher]

Love this story.

 

[sasahara17]

Actually here's one more snippet for the road. I felt having one more scene showing Sword Maiden leaving would be a more fitting way to end this particular Adventure, so here it is.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

It was only a scant three days after her arrival when it came time for Sword Maiden to leave. Unlike her arrival, which took place when the sun was in the sky, Sword Maiden chose to time her departure in the early hours before dawn so that she could see off her host properly.

"Thank you for all your hospitality you have shown me over the last few days," Sword Maiden said appreciatively as the small gathering of friends said their farewells next to the carriage that would take the Archbishop away, "Honestly, staying with you and yours over the past few days has been the best I have had in recent memory. I cannot thank you all enough!"

"The pleasure was all ours," Vampire Sister replied, shaking the Archbishop's hand profusely, "If you ever want to come back, just send the word and I'll come up with some sort of business-related reason as an excuse to get you away from your work. We do have a contract now, after all!"

The meeting between the Vampire and the Archbishop had been a most fruitful one. The contract between the Vampire's company and the Church of Law had been a simple yet mutually beneficial one. The coffers of the Vampire's company would be filled with gold, while the Church would receive a steady, almost exclusive supply of the most potent ritual wines in all of creation, for a reasonable price no less! Had the bureaucrats at the King's castle seen the manuscript of the contract, barely thirty pages in length from end to end, they would have wept at the beauty of it.

The speed at which this deal had been drafted and concluded was only possible due to the skill and acumen of both women… and it was testament to why Vampires and Gold Ranked Adventurers were considered by many in the land to be legends.

"Oh, that is cheeky of you, using work to hide a true intention to relax and play," Sword Maiden noted with barely disguised amusement, "But I suppose that is to be expected of a Vampire, whose cunning is world renowned."

"~But, I don't hear you saying no." Vampire Sister pointed out cheekily.

In response, the Archbishop merely pressed her dainty index fingers to her lips, which had curled into a smile. Well then, that seemed to signal what the Archbishop thought about that idea.

"Well, then, I'll be sure to plan something out in advance for your next stay!" Vampire Sister decided excitedly, clearly already planning out Sword Maiden's next visit in her head, "And don't worry, I'll make sure that the Goblin Slayers are here to keep you company again!"

"That would be adbsolutely delightful!" Sword Maiden agreed, turning to look at the five Adventurers she called friends who had also come to see her off, "Spending time with both the family and my favorite Adventuring party? That is something I will be looking forward to!"

"If her next visit turns out like this one… I'm not." Banshee Elf Archer muttered dejectedly before she was silenced by a discrete kick to her shin by Hollow Dwarf.

"That is pleasing to hear, your Holiness," Skeleton Lizardman quickly said to cover up the Banshee's impulsive words, "Should you choose to return, know that, as always, we will be at your disposal."

Skeleton Lizardman the bowed, ever respectful even though the slightly gimmer glow of his eyes showed he was still a little unsettled by this last visit. The horrible experience he had gone though in first night had since been more than made up for by Vampire Sister's cheeses, but it was clear the poor Skeleton was still apprehensive.

"Well, the next time you come there won't be any Goblins to worry about. I'd wager your vacation would be better the next time around, lass," Hollow Dwarf said in a more hopeful note, "And may this time you'll have a chance to join us in the game room for a bit. You spent so much time in the pool after pointy ears fixed it for you, I was starting to think you were never going to come out!"

"I must also apologize you not actively hosting you this time. While I was preoccupied with Slaying the Goblins and dealing with the aftermath, it is nevertheless a failure on my part as the brother of the hostess to have ignored you so," Undead Master added solemnly, "Should you come again and join Hollow Dwarf in the game room, I will endeavor to join you as well."

"Oh really? I'll be sure to make sure to make it a point in the next trip," Sword Maiden noted keenly, "Although… I must admit, I did not mind you not being around very much since I knew you were busy, my dear Undead Master. Nothing warmed my heart more than knowing you was out there keeping us all safe. Goblins may by dangerous, but you going out of your way to slay them made this trip so much more exciting, you know?"

"Is that so?" Undead Master and Vampire Sister said simultaneously, unnatural red glows illuminating in both their eyes. Wait, they couldn't possibly be thinking about…?

"Oh, by the Earth Mother, we're doomed." Zombie Priestess whispered in dread.

It was a sentiment that she wasn't alone in having. The other three Undead Goblin Slayers were giving varying expressions of apprehension, to outright horror in the case of Banshee Elf Archer, at the very notion that there might come a day they would have to do all this over again.

Now that was a scary thought.

"Well then, it has been a very good time, but I am afraid that I must be off now. Fare thee well, Goblin Slayers, and may you stay safe on your travels until we meet again" Sword Maiden bowed respectfully one last time before she boarded her carriage to depart.

And with that, the Archbishop's trip to the estate came to an end.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

"Man, that was exhausting!" Banshee Elf Archer let out a long sigh as she stretched herself out like a cat on the sofa of the manor's main living room. "Gee, and I thought week long dungeon delving expeditions was hard work! Babysitting is a thousand times worse!"

"Escort and bodyguarding quests normally involve keeping a helpless client from harm. I would have thought doing the same to a Gold Ranked Adventurer who is more powerful than all of us put together would have been easy," Hollow Dwarf rumbled from where he sat in a corner, nursing a small glass of fire whiskey, "To think the danger was from the very person we were supposed to be protecting, and to our mental wellbeing at that!"

"Honored Dwarf, while I wouldn't go as far as to say as she was actively out to threaten our minds… I have to say there is some truth to your words," Skeleton Lizardman said in-between bites of a new wheel of cheese he had been so generously provided by Vampire Sister, "Regretfully, though, I fear many of our troubles were, shall we say, self-inflicted?"

"Aye. Pointy ears, you really need to get good at lying, because that performance was just embarrassing." Hollow Dwarf teased.

"Hey, I wasn't that bad!" Banshee Elf Archer retorted defensively.

"You told Sword Maiden that I had dismembered myself through my own clumsiness, and then ended up contaminating the pool with my internal organs." Zombie Priestess said from where she sat on another sofa near the reclining Banshee, her staff in her lap, her dead eyes staring at the Banshee in judgment.

"…If I agree to not give you a hard time about you tempting fate and causing disaster, will you forgive me?" Banshee Elf Archer said with a shit eating grin, "Tit for tat and all that?"

"Maybe. Let me think about it." Zombie Priestess replied noncommittally as she turned away from her comrade in a huff to look out a nearby open window to the world beyond.

The sun had now risen over the horizon, signaling the beginning of a brand-new day. While the Goblin Slayers had unanimously agreed to take the rest of this day off, as Undead Master was still in the process of arranging for transport for the rescued women to a place of healing and did not want to depart until he was sure those poor women would get the help they needed.

However, Zombie Priestess knew before long they would have to return to the Guild and give their report on what had happened here. The quest request had been an official one, after all, and Guild Girl would need a full accounting of the events that had transpired to complete her paperwork.

"I wonder what we are going to tell the Guild," Zombie Priestess wondered, the events of the weekend playing themselves over again in her mid, "I mean, technically we completed the mission, but the way were did so was, well…"

"Below what would be expected of Silver Ranked Adventurers?" Skeleton Lizardman supplied.

"Left a lot to be desired?" Hollow Dwarf suggested instead.

"A complete and utter fiasco." Banshee Elf Archer got straight to the point with her blunt honesty.

"…I was going to say 'unusual', but I suppose you are all right," Zombie Priestess said shyly, "Oh, I hope we don't get penalized for this. We didn't do that badly did we?"

All three Adventurers started chuckling at the poor Zombie's naiveite.

"Lass, you think we'll be penalized for an Adventure turning out like this, then you really have much to learn!" Hollow Dwarf rumbled good naturedly, "Didn't you hear all those stories we were swapping with Sword Maiden? Disasters like this happen all the time."

"The Honored Dwarf is correct. In our line of work, it is important that we find humor in all things," Skeleton Lizardman rattled in agreement, "As poor as our performance was, consider that we were never in any real danger thanks to Milord Undead Master's efforts, and that our mission was completed to our client's satisfaction. Any mishaps that happened along the way were acceptable."

"Yep. We messed up, but messing up is part and parcel of being an Adventurer," Banshee Elf Archer turned to give Zombie Priestess a wide grin, "I mean, sure we felt horrible at the time, but ten years down the road we'll all be looking back at this incident and laughing about how dumb we all were."

"That's were all those dumb bar stories we Adventurers tell each other come from, after all!" Hollow Dwarf informed the stunned Priestess. "Lass, we may all be grousing about what happened now, but that's just us blowing off stress. For all our complaints, we will be able to live with all this."

"The ability to laugh off defeat, accept that it had happened, and move on… that is part and parcel of being an Adventurer," Skeleton Lizardman stated humbly, "Every experienced Adventurer will have had their bad days in addition to their good. Even we, at the Silver Rank, as you may have realized."

"So don't worry your head off about it too much," Banshee Elf Archer said reassuringly with a wink "You'll learn to laugh it off, just like the rest of us."

Shocked by their words, Zombie Priestess looked at the three Adventurers before her in turn, seeing not a shred doubt in their faces. They were being completely honest about what they were saying… the important lesson about being an Adventurer that they were trying to teach her.

"It is our duty as your mentors to help you grow in the right ways. Our lot is to tech, yours is to learn." Undead Master's earlier words came back to Zombie Priestess in that moment.

Zombie Priestess lowered her eyes and gave a soft, grateful smile.

"I understand." She said, feeling grateful to all the Goblin Slayers for their kindness and mentorship. There was no doubt in her mind that, under their guidance, she would become the Adventurer that Undead Master had wanted to be in his youth.

She would be able to become an Adventurer, after all.

"That's my girl!" Banshee Elf Archer cheered jumping up from the sofa, "Hey, Dwarf, I heard you and Scaly here found on an interesting game in the game room."

"What, the board game?" Hollow Dwarf lowered his glass of whiskey in thought.

"Yep. I heard it from Orcbolg's Uncle that the two of you ended up getting hooked on it while us girls were in the pool," Banshee Elf Archer asked, her curiosity ablaze, "Considering how the two of you normally are, it must have been one heck of a board game to have gotten the two of you hooked."

"Wow, really?" Zombie Priestess sat up herself. "I'd like to have a try too, if that's okay."

"Then it's settled! Let's play a board game!" Banshee Elf Archer snapped her fingers in excitement.

Hollow Dwarf and Skeleton Lizardman shared a concerned glance at each other, clearly unsure as to how answer their comrade.

"Honored Elf," Skeleton Lizardman said, caution and warning lining his tone "Although the two of us found the game quite enjoyable, I must express my doubt as to whether either of you would find that particular game to be to your liking."

"Especially the young Lass, here." Hollow Dwarf mumbled. "I really don't think this game is for her."

"Oh, come on guys. The Guild's staff have been running a tabletop roleplaying game back in the Guild that I joined two weeks ago, and I had a great time. Board games are no stranger to me!" Banshee Elf Archer waved both her hands eagerly as she pretty much charged ahead with her idea, "Don't worry, I'm sure what ever the game is, we'll love it!"

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

It was barely five minutes into their very first game of 'Zombiecide: The Black Plague', Banshee Elf Archer raised her hand to ask something everyone at the table was thinking.

"Wait, why does a necromancer and a Vampire, who live in a house full of Zombie laborers and have a sentient Zombie as an apprentice… have a board game that is all about killing Zombies?" Banshee Elf Archer wondered as her eyes scanned the board, cards and many playing pieces that were arrayed on the table before her.

"That… is probably a very good question." Was all Skeleton Lizardman could say in response while the Goblin Slayers, including their newest member who happened to be a Zombie, awkwardly proceeded to play a game about killing Zombies by the wagon load.

…surprisingly, they had fun though.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-