Author's Note: This is my first real attempt at a SI-style story. I knows it probably
won't end...
won't end...
The Wild Card (PMMM SI)
- Thread starter GamerXZ
- Start date
- Created
- Status
- Ongoing
- Watchers
- 48
- Recent readers
- 0
- Threadmarks
- 1
-
Statistics (1 threadmarks, 2.8k words)
User Total GamerXZ 1 Threadmarks Reader mode
Author's Note: This is my first real attempt at a SI-style story. I knows it probably
won't end up being nearly as good as some of the ones already on here...but hey,
it's worth a shot, right? Besides, it's always interesting to try new things, so let's
see where we go with this, shall we?
---------------------------------
The Wild Card
Chapter 1: A Twist Of Fate
Hey, any of you familiar with the idea of Fate? Destiny? That something has been "predetermined" or
the reason something happens the way it does is chalked up to "God's will" or "this is simply
the way things were meant to be"?
Yes, of course you have. How do I feel personally about it? Well, to put it bluntly, I'm not
fond of it, for the simple fact that such theories give the impression that we have no free
will, no say in how our lives unfold, and no control over the future we would like to shape.
Now, I'm not gonna sit here and go into a philosophical debate on the nature of Fate vs Free Will
because I know we'll be here all day if I do. All I'll say on the matter for now is I believe that each
of us is responsible for how our lives unfold. The choices we make, the encounters we face,
they all play a role in shaping the future of not only our own but those around us too.
There is power in being able to choose, as even one that seems insignificant and trivial
on the surface can act like a pebble in still water, creating ripples that spread far and
wide.
Why am I bringing all this up you maybe asking? Well...let's just say somebody thought it
would be fun to put my beliefs to the test...a rather unorthodox yet at the same time
cruel as hell test.
But hey, that's ROB for ya...now, where to begin? Ah yes, I think the beginning will suffice...
______________________
You all know the formula by this point. You go to sleep one night, probably end up in
some trippy delusional state, trade some banter with whatever ROB has taken a morbid
interest in you, or not, then get dumped into a place from a show you've seen while basically
being told to "entertain".
...Yeah, I've been on Spacebattles way too much, was it that obvious?
Now, to be fair, it's not like I expected that to ever happen, although the possibility
of it happening was always there, because again, I'm a procrastinating slacker who
spends too much time on Spacebattles when I could be spending my time more
productively.
So, here I was, just curling up under my covers after pulling a late night anime
marathon. Ready to let myself drift away into dream land...drifting deeper and
deeper...feeling lighter than air...and almost like I was...falling...falling ever
deeper....wait...something seemed off about this...
Because...I could actually feel myself falling...now, these kinds of dreams weren't
anything new, but this one was different...because instead of landing back in
my bed, I felt myself hitting cool solid ground.
The sheer sensation was enough to startle me awake, and upon sitting up and
looking around, I realized something very important, very quickly:
I wasn't in Kansas anymore...ok, ok, obvious joke is obvious.
But in all honesty, the place I was currently lying in was...trippy to say the
least. The floor technically wasn't even a floor as it seemed to ripple when
I tapped it. The walls were bare and made of a cool hard granite with only
small flickering lanterns that gave the hall I lied in a rather eerie, even
empty, atmosphere...almost like someone hadn't been here in ages and had
simply left the place to rot.
Standing up, I brushed myself off and took a glance around, examining my
surroundings. A chilly wind blew in from nowhere and sent a shiver down
my spine. Something just felt...so off about this place. Also, the fact I could
feel the breeze and the ground was a good sign that I wasn't dreaming...
At least...not anymore.
"Hello? Anybody here?" I called out to my surroundings, hearing my own voice
echo down the hallway before me. Not hearing a response, I began my slow yet
steady walk onward. There were no other doors on my sides, so going straight
was my only option for now.
I kept on walking, that breeze from before still around me. As I did so I called
out, asking if anyone was there yet again...and this time I got something
resembling a reply: The sound of a child's whimpering. One of the only things
that can touch all but the most ice cold of hearts.
My own was no exception to that rule, so I picked up the pace a little. Yes, it crossed
my mind I may've been walking into a trap but at the same time I can't ignore a
crying child. That, and on the off chance there was someone else here...well, maybe
I could get a few answers.
"Hang on, I'm coming!" I called out into the darkness as I had now gone from a
simple walk to a full-on jogging motion toward the source of the noise.
After running for what felt like ages, I saw something in the distance. It looked like
a large cylindrical cage of some sort. Easily twice my height, and with a large lock
attached on a chain to the main door. Inside, I could spot a small figure with their
legs huddled up and arms wrapped around themselves.
Cautiously, I approached the door and peeked inside before whispering,"Hey...hey
you. Can you hear me?"
The whimpering suddenly stopped as the figure glanced up at me. Despite the very
poor lighting, seriously when was the last time this place saw a visit from the electrician?,
I could make out what looked like white hair streaming down their back, and was donned
in what seemed to be a dress of some kind. Again, it was too dark to make out much else.
"Who...who are you...?" The voice came out in a rather child-like tone,"You...you're not
an illusion, are you?"
I shook my head,"Nope, I'm as real as you are. As for who I am, I'm..." Probably best not
to give out my real name,"...A friend..and I'm going to get you out of here...actually, do
you even know how we got here? Or if there's anyone else in this place?"
The girl sniffled a few times before clearing her throat,"I'm sorry but...I don't know. You're
the only other person I've met since I woke up here..."
"Do you...even remember why you're here?" All I got was a shake of the
head before she put her head back down.
I did my best to suppress a sigh before refocusing on the task at hand,"Don't worry, I
promise you'll be free soon. We can figure a way out later...just...give me a moment to find something to break this lock..."
Figuring I could grab one of the torches and use them to try and smash the lock
off. I straightened up to do so...when I saw an small envelope float down beside
me,"What the.." My curiosity piqued, I snatched it up and undid the seal, before
dumping out the contents.
They consisted of two things. A small, hand-written letter...and a key. My eyebrow
raised at this, so I picked up the letter and unfolded it. Here's what it said:
Hey Gamer. How's it hanging? Yep, this is your buddy ROB here, just dropping you a line.
Sorry I couldn't meet with you in person but I figured I'd do both of us a favor and
skip the formalities in favor of getting right to business, ain't I thoughtful?
So yeah, as you probably figured out by this point, you ain't suffering any sort of
bad trip. This is all actually happening. Now, considering how much you like to
preach about free will triumphing over fate, I'd like to see you put your money
where your mouth is and "walk the walk" if you catch my drift.
Now for the fun part. You got a choice to make right off the bat, my good friend.
The key you dropped will unlock the girl's cell, she'll be free as a bird, and all that
other good stuff...but trust me when I say that for every choice...there's a consequence.
Set her free, and I can't guarantee your safety in what may come of it.
Or...you can turn around now and walk away...fall asleep again, and when you
wake up, you'll be back in your own room, your nice comfy bed and this will all
be little more than a bad dream...
I wonder if you can really do that though...turn your back on a little girl in
need, break her heart, and leave her in this dark, empty realm forever...to save
your own life...it's not like I'd blame you though. This girl is a stranger, you have no
relation to her, and it's not like you'll benefit from this in any way even if you do
set her free...or perhaps you will...who knows? I certainly don't.
But hey, we both already know what you're gonna choose, right?
So go ahead, kid...make your choice...just remember, the little one is watching...
The moment I finished reading, the paper combusted into flame, forcing me to
drop it and watch as the letter burned away into ashes in seconds, leaving me...with
a decision to make.
I bent down and scooped up the key, glancing between it and the lock. Could I actually
do it? Could I simply leave her here and go back home? Abandon another human being
to some cruel, twisted fate when I have the power to change said fate?
For every choice there was a consequence...you know what? Screw it. This girl needed
help, to heck with the repurcussions!
I stuck the key in and turned, the lock coming undone. At the sound of the door
opening, the girl rose her head again as I beckoned to her,"It's ok, you can come out
now, you're free."
"Free...?" Slowly and carefully, the girl got to her feet and stepped forward. I reached
out my hand and, after a moment of consideration, she took it and I helped her out,"T-Thank
you, mister..."
I smiled and shook my head,"Think nothing of it. Now than, what you say we find a way
out of here?" Suddenly, out of nowhere, the whole place shook and rumbled, and for a
brief moment, I swore I heard a guttural roar resonate off the walls around us,"W-What
the hell was that?!"
"T-That noise comes and goes sometimes..." The little girl admitted, head tilted downward,"It's
always so scary but...at the same time...sad too..." Dear god, this girl was scared out of her wits.
Just how long had she been trapped in here?!
I swore to myself that if I ever found out who it was that stuck her in this hellhole I would kick
their sorry asses! But than, I saw something sparkling in the girl's hand,"Hmm? Excuse me, what's
that?"
I would very quickly come to regret asking that question...
"Oh, this?" The girl held up the item, it was shaped and done up like an ornamental
egg, "It's my Soul Gem. Isn't it lovely?"
Those few words sent a shiver down my spine a thousand times worse than the chilly
breeze I'd been experiencing up till now,"Soul...Gem?" Who was this girl?...Who had I
just released?!!
"Yeah, you know I haven't seen it shine like this in a long time..." The girl commented as
she held it out on her palm for me to see in clearer detail,"Maybe it's cause you're here, mister..."
I hesitated to ask but I needed to do so,"You...are you...a magical girl by any chance?"
"Yep!" She excitedly replied as she stepped into the light of the lantern overhead...and
I finally got my first good look at her. She had long curly white hair with a pink tint, white
skin, stood barely even five foot in height, if that, and was donned in a pink dress with
a brown long-sleeved shirt underneath, red stockings and brown shoes.
The girl did a respectful bow,"It's nice to meet you, mister. I'm Nagisa Momoe."
Fuck you ROB...just...Fuck You.
I managed to do a bow back despite this revelation,"N-Nice to meet you too, now
let's-" I was cut off suddenly because Momoe's Soul Gem exploded with light, engulfing
everything and causing me to recoil in shock,"W-What's going on?!" The dark domain
around us was gradually dissolving from the power of the light.
"I...I don't know!" Char-I mean, Nagisa, turned her head about every which way,
looking as scared as I was,"T-This has never happened before!"
I bent down and took her hand,"Oy...no matter what happens...I won't be going
anywhere...that's a promise..."
Before she could break down again, the girl looked up to me,"You...promise?"
I nodded and that seemed to lift her spirits,"T-Thank you...I don't think I got your
name, sir..."
Despite our predicament, I managed a light chuckle,"My name? It's-"
Before I could finish though, all was consumed by the white light and I knew
no more....
------------------------------------
When I came to again, my body felt...weird...I felt shorter, couldn't see my arms,
and everything looked...so much bigger. My new surroundings...ok, to be honest,
it was like Candyland on steroids.
There were sweets as far as the eye could see, in some cases piled into giant
towers that were spread out in all directions. Tables set up with tea and milk
and under such delights...and yet for some odd reason, I didn't feel the urge to
gorge down on all of it...if anything, I simply wanted some cheese...I know, weird
right?
But than I felt something hit me in the side of the head and I felt my body leave
the ground before being catapulted through the air like a beanbag. This repeated
itself for a while until...things went blurry...and next thing I knew...I felt my mouth
rench open as...something came out and went after a girl in yellow...
Wait...a girl in yellow...
Another girl in blue...
And one more in pink...
Was this...no, it couldn't be...could it?
I felt myself staring down the one in yellow...my mouth opening wide to swallow
her head...and set in motion an escalating event of horrors....ones that would ultimately
lead to some sort of reboot on the entire universe...the sacrifice of one pure-hearted girl
to give hope to countless others...
A friend...the only one who remembered her...snapping under the pressure of her
own failure...throwing away everything just to get said friend back...and paying a terrible
price for it...this was their fate...
......
....NO!
I don't know how but...in that moment...I took control of the behemoth I now
possessed...and stopped it from munching the head off the yellow one. In that moment,
it was like time itself frozen...I pulled back slowly, keeping my gaze on the girl as I retracted
myself.
I kept on retracting until I swallowed the giant worm back down my throat and locked
eyes with her...with Mami Tomoe..
"Mami-san!" The others ran over beside her as Madoka began shaking her furiously,"Mami-san!
Snap out of it, please!"
"H-Huh?" This seemed to bring the veteran magical girl back to her senses as the
blank look in her eyes vanished,"Wha...oh...Kaname-san...I'm sorry...I.." She suddenly
found herself being wrapped in a hug,"What the..."
"Thank goodness...p-please...don't scare me like that ever again.." Madoka begged while
trying not to cry. Mami said nothing and only hugged her back.
Sayaka suddenly glanced over in my direction with a frown,"So...what we do about
that thing?"
"I...I don't know.." Mami shook her head,"This...this has never happened before to me..."
Seeing I had their attention, I picked up one of the cakes and scooped some of the icing
off it to use to draw letters on the ground for them. Curious yet cautious, they stepped
forward to see what I wrote...and gasped at the words:
Hello, My Name Is Charlotte.
----------------------------
End Of Chapter One
Note: This is a bit of a rough draft so I might fix it up later. Enjoy though.
won't end up being nearly as good as some of the ones already on here...but hey,
it's worth a shot, right? Besides, it's always interesting to try new things, so let's
see where we go with this, shall we?
---------------------------------
The Wild Card
Chapter 1: A Twist Of Fate
Hey, any of you familiar with the idea of Fate? Destiny? That something has been "predetermined" or
the reason something happens the way it does is chalked up to "God's will" or "this is simply
the way things were meant to be"?
Yes, of course you have. How do I feel personally about it? Well, to put it bluntly, I'm not
fond of it, for the simple fact that such theories give the impression that we have no free
will, no say in how our lives unfold, and no control over the future we would like to shape.
Now, I'm not gonna sit here and go into a philosophical debate on the nature of Fate vs Free Will
because I know we'll be here all day if I do. All I'll say on the matter for now is I believe that each
of us is responsible for how our lives unfold. The choices we make, the encounters we face,
they all play a role in shaping the future of not only our own but those around us too.
There is power in being able to choose, as even one that seems insignificant and trivial
on the surface can act like a pebble in still water, creating ripples that spread far and
wide.
Why am I bringing all this up you maybe asking? Well...let's just say somebody thought it
would be fun to put my beliefs to the test...a rather unorthodox yet at the same time
cruel as hell test.
But hey, that's ROB for ya...now, where to begin? Ah yes, I think the beginning will suffice...
______________________
You all know the formula by this point. You go to sleep one night, probably end up in
some trippy delusional state, trade some banter with whatever ROB has taken a morbid
interest in you, or not, then get dumped into a place from a show you've seen while basically
being told to "entertain".
...Yeah, I've been on Spacebattles way too much, was it that obvious?
Now, to be fair, it's not like I expected that to ever happen, although the possibility
of it happening was always there, because again, I'm a procrastinating slacker who
spends too much time on Spacebattles when I could be spending my time more
productively.
So, here I was, just curling up under my covers after pulling a late night anime
marathon. Ready to let myself drift away into dream land...drifting deeper and
deeper...feeling lighter than air...and almost like I was...falling...falling ever
deeper....wait...something seemed off about this...
Because...I could actually feel myself falling...now, these kinds of dreams weren't
anything new, but this one was different...because instead of landing back in
my bed, I felt myself hitting cool solid ground.
The sheer sensation was enough to startle me awake, and upon sitting up and
looking around, I realized something very important, very quickly:
I wasn't in Kansas anymore...ok, ok, obvious joke is obvious.
But in all honesty, the place I was currently lying in was...trippy to say the
least. The floor technically wasn't even a floor as it seemed to ripple when
I tapped it. The walls were bare and made of a cool hard granite with only
small flickering lanterns that gave the hall I lied in a rather eerie, even
empty, atmosphere...almost like someone hadn't been here in ages and had
simply left the place to rot.
Standing up, I brushed myself off and took a glance around, examining my
surroundings. A chilly wind blew in from nowhere and sent a shiver down
my spine. Something just felt...so off about this place. Also, the fact I could
feel the breeze and the ground was a good sign that I wasn't dreaming...
At least...not anymore.
"Hello? Anybody here?" I called out to my surroundings, hearing my own voice
echo down the hallway before me. Not hearing a response, I began my slow yet
steady walk onward. There were no other doors on my sides, so going straight
was my only option for now.
I kept on walking, that breeze from before still around me. As I did so I called
out, asking if anyone was there yet again...and this time I got something
resembling a reply: The sound of a child's whimpering. One of the only things
that can touch all but the most ice cold of hearts.
My own was no exception to that rule, so I picked up the pace a little. Yes, it crossed
my mind I may've been walking into a trap but at the same time I can't ignore a
crying child. That, and on the off chance there was someone else here...well, maybe
I could get a few answers.
"Hang on, I'm coming!" I called out into the darkness as I had now gone from a
simple walk to a full-on jogging motion toward the source of the noise.
After running for what felt like ages, I saw something in the distance. It looked like
a large cylindrical cage of some sort. Easily twice my height, and with a large lock
attached on a chain to the main door. Inside, I could spot a small figure with their
legs huddled up and arms wrapped around themselves.
Cautiously, I approached the door and peeked inside before whispering,"Hey...hey
you. Can you hear me?"
The whimpering suddenly stopped as the figure glanced up at me. Despite the very
poor lighting, seriously when was the last time this place saw a visit from the electrician?,
I could make out what looked like white hair streaming down their back, and was donned
in what seemed to be a dress of some kind. Again, it was too dark to make out much else.
"Who...who are you...?" The voice came out in a rather child-like tone,"You...you're not
an illusion, are you?"
I shook my head,"Nope, I'm as real as you are. As for who I am, I'm..." Probably best not
to give out my real name,"...A friend..and I'm going to get you out of here...actually, do
you even know how we got here? Or if there's anyone else in this place?"
The girl sniffled a few times before clearing her throat,"I'm sorry but...I don't know. You're
the only other person I've met since I woke up here..."
"Do you...even remember why you're here?" All I got was a shake of the
head before she put her head back down.
I did my best to suppress a sigh before refocusing on the task at hand,"Don't worry, I
promise you'll be free soon. We can figure a way out later...just...give me a moment to find something to break this lock..."
Figuring I could grab one of the torches and use them to try and smash the lock
off. I straightened up to do so...when I saw an small envelope float down beside
me,"What the.." My curiosity piqued, I snatched it up and undid the seal, before
dumping out the contents.
They consisted of two things. A small, hand-written letter...and a key. My eyebrow
raised at this, so I picked up the letter and unfolded it. Here's what it said:
Hey Gamer. How's it hanging? Yep, this is your buddy ROB here, just dropping you a line.
Sorry I couldn't meet with you in person but I figured I'd do both of us a favor and
skip the formalities in favor of getting right to business, ain't I thoughtful?
So yeah, as you probably figured out by this point, you ain't suffering any sort of
bad trip. This is all actually happening. Now, considering how much you like to
preach about free will triumphing over fate, I'd like to see you put your money
where your mouth is and "walk the walk" if you catch my drift.
Now for the fun part. You got a choice to make right off the bat, my good friend.
The key you dropped will unlock the girl's cell, she'll be free as a bird, and all that
other good stuff...but trust me when I say that for every choice...there's a consequence.
Set her free, and I can't guarantee your safety in what may come of it.
Or...you can turn around now and walk away...fall asleep again, and when you
wake up, you'll be back in your own room, your nice comfy bed and this will all
be little more than a bad dream...
I wonder if you can really do that though...turn your back on a little girl in
need, break her heart, and leave her in this dark, empty realm forever...to save
your own life...it's not like I'd blame you though. This girl is a stranger, you have no
relation to her, and it's not like you'll benefit from this in any way even if you do
set her free...or perhaps you will...who knows? I certainly don't.
But hey, we both already know what you're gonna choose, right?
So go ahead, kid...make your choice...just remember, the little one is watching...
The moment I finished reading, the paper combusted into flame, forcing me to
drop it and watch as the letter burned away into ashes in seconds, leaving me...with
a decision to make.
I bent down and scooped up the key, glancing between it and the lock. Could I actually
do it? Could I simply leave her here and go back home? Abandon another human being
to some cruel, twisted fate when I have the power to change said fate?
For every choice there was a consequence...you know what? Screw it. This girl needed
help, to heck with the repurcussions!
I stuck the key in and turned, the lock coming undone. At the sound of the door
opening, the girl rose her head again as I beckoned to her,"It's ok, you can come out
now, you're free."
"Free...?" Slowly and carefully, the girl got to her feet and stepped forward. I reached
out my hand and, after a moment of consideration, she took it and I helped her out,"T-Thank
you, mister..."
I smiled and shook my head,"Think nothing of it. Now than, what you say we find a way
out of here?" Suddenly, out of nowhere, the whole place shook and rumbled, and for a
brief moment, I swore I heard a guttural roar resonate off the walls around us,"W-What
the hell was that?!"
"T-That noise comes and goes sometimes..." The little girl admitted, head tilted downward,"It's
always so scary but...at the same time...sad too..." Dear god, this girl was scared out of her wits.
Just how long had she been trapped in here?!
I swore to myself that if I ever found out who it was that stuck her in this hellhole I would kick
their sorry asses! But than, I saw something sparkling in the girl's hand,"Hmm? Excuse me, what's
that?"
I would very quickly come to regret asking that question...
"Oh, this?" The girl held up the item, it was shaped and done up like an ornamental
egg, "It's my Soul Gem. Isn't it lovely?"
Those few words sent a shiver down my spine a thousand times worse than the chilly
breeze I'd been experiencing up till now,"Soul...Gem?" Who was this girl?...Who had I
just released?!!
"Yeah, you know I haven't seen it shine like this in a long time..." The girl commented as
she held it out on her palm for me to see in clearer detail,"Maybe it's cause you're here, mister..."
I hesitated to ask but I needed to do so,"You...are you...a magical girl by any chance?"
"Yep!" She excitedly replied as she stepped into the light of the lantern overhead...and
I finally got my first good look at her. She had long curly white hair with a pink tint, white
skin, stood barely even five foot in height, if that, and was donned in a pink dress with
a brown long-sleeved shirt underneath, red stockings and brown shoes.
The girl did a respectful bow,"It's nice to meet you, mister. I'm Nagisa Momoe."
Fuck you ROB...just...Fuck You.
I managed to do a bow back despite this revelation,"N-Nice to meet you too, now
let's-" I was cut off suddenly because Momoe's Soul Gem exploded with light, engulfing
everything and causing me to recoil in shock,"W-What's going on?!" The dark domain
around us was gradually dissolving from the power of the light.
"I...I don't know!" Char-I mean, Nagisa, turned her head about every which way,
looking as scared as I was,"T-This has never happened before!"
I bent down and took her hand,"Oy...no matter what happens...I won't be going
anywhere...that's a promise..."
Before she could break down again, the girl looked up to me,"You...promise?"
I nodded and that seemed to lift her spirits,"T-Thank you...I don't think I got your
name, sir..."
Despite our predicament, I managed a light chuckle,"My name? It's-"
Before I could finish though, all was consumed by the white light and I knew
no more....
------------------------------------
When I came to again, my body felt...weird...I felt shorter, couldn't see my arms,
and everything looked...so much bigger. My new surroundings...ok, to be honest,
it was like Candyland on steroids.
There were sweets as far as the eye could see, in some cases piled into giant
towers that were spread out in all directions. Tables set up with tea and milk
and under such delights...and yet for some odd reason, I didn't feel the urge to
gorge down on all of it...if anything, I simply wanted some cheese...I know, weird
right?
But than I felt something hit me in the side of the head and I felt my body leave
the ground before being catapulted through the air like a beanbag. This repeated
itself for a while until...things went blurry...and next thing I knew...I felt my mouth
rench open as...something came out and went after a girl in yellow...
Wait...a girl in yellow...
Another girl in blue...
And one more in pink...
Was this...no, it couldn't be...could it?
I felt myself staring down the one in yellow...my mouth opening wide to swallow
her head...and set in motion an escalating event of horrors....ones that would ultimately
lead to some sort of reboot on the entire universe...the sacrifice of one pure-hearted girl
to give hope to countless others...
A friend...the only one who remembered her...snapping under the pressure of her
own failure...throwing away everything just to get said friend back...and paying a terrible
price for it...this was their fate...
......
....NO!
I don't know how but...in that moment...I took control of the behemoth I now
possessed...and stopped it from munching the head off the yellow one. In that moment,
it was like time itself frozen...I pulled back slowly, keeping my gaze on the girl as I retracted
myself.
I kept on retracting until I swallowed the giant worm back down my throat and locked
eyes with her...with Mami Tomoe..
"Mami-san!" The others ran over beside her as Madoka began shaking her furiously,"Mami-san!
Snap out of it, please!"
"H-Huh?" This seemed to bring the veteran magical girl back to her senses as the
blank look in her eyes vanished,"Wha...oh...Kaname-san...I'm sorry...I.." She suddenly
found herself being wrapped in a hug,"What the..."
"Thank goodness...p-please...don't scare me like that ever again.." Madoka begged while
trying not to cry. Mami said nothing and only hugged her back.
Sayaka suddenly glanced over in my direction with a frown,"So...what we do about
that thing?"
"I...I don't know.." Mami shook her head,"This...this has never happened before to me..."
Seeing I had their attention, I picked up one of the cakes and scooped some of the icing
off it to use to draw letters on the ground for them. Curious yet cautious, they stepped
forward to see what I wrote...and gasped at the words:
Hello, My Name Is Charlotte.
----------------------------
End Of Chapter One
Note: This is a bit of a rough draft so I might fix it up later. Enjoy though.
- Location
- Toronto, Ontario, Canada, Earth
- Pronouns
- She/They
Well, as is it's very rough, but what is there is decent. I would advise trying to get a beta, but beyond thatI have no real advice to give.
tomaO2
Male
You are in control of the entire labyrinth, drawing your own name on the ground seems a bit low key considering the whacked out things that happen in these places. I'd play it up, have you feel out your powers.
Of course, it would be really easy to leave that person because ROB means that this person is a fictional character anyway. Plus you shouldn't trust that the person isn't a monster just because she looks cute. You actually had a choice, I can't really remember the last time an SI was given one. That's kind of an interesting idea, although you blame him anyway. *tisks*
Witches are not supposed to come back. Even Madoka only managed to let them die if their soul gem expired, not reverse the flow and fill them up again. You seem in complete control of the body for some reason, despite the girl still being alive. I'll assume that gets explained later.
Need more to make decisions on if I like it or not.
Of course, it would be really easy to leave that person because ROB means that this person is a fictional character anyway. Plus you shouldn't trust that the person isn't a monster just because she looks cute. You actually had a choice, I can't really remember the last time an SI was given one. That's kind of an interesting idea, although you blame him anyway. *tisks*
Witches are not supposed to come back. Even Madoka only managed to let them die if their soul gem expired, not reverse the flow and fill them up again. You seem in complete control of the body for some reason, despite the girl still being alive. I'll assume that gets explained later.
Need more to make decisions on if I like it or not.
Last edited:
UrsaTempest
Don't Panic!
Or you can go WitchQuest route! Withdraw from human world than stay crazy!
Now, how to eject those trespasser from your labyrinth.
Now, how to eject those trespasser from your labyrinth.
Clandistine1
(Verified Spaceship)
- Location
- Toorak, Melbourne
Fairly nice.
I concur with all messages said before, but if you need it, I would be willing to beta for you, as DefectiveHumanModel suggested.
I concur with all messages said before, but if you need it, I would be willing to beta for you, as DefectiveHumanModel suggested.
Thanks. To be honest, I think I might scrap this idea and do one where my SI comes into the Puella Magi verse, as they are, with
their knowledge of what's to come, and trying to change things for the better...but as we all know, for every choice there's a
consequence, and it's not always easy to tell what kind of effect on the future our actions will have.
- Pronouns
- He/Him
I think you forgot some things, or accidentally deleted them.
Quest
The Great One
- Location
- Everywhere
Every word in the sentence is capitalized. It might not have any significance.
Though if it does, it may mean the SI looks at hirself as Charlotte or may even have true name stuff mixed in, after all the witches have to get thier names from somewhere.
