The SVerse Of Kickass Cats: The Series: The IC Thread

[Hoshino Yumemi]

(OOC Thread here.)


EPISODE 1: THE SNACK RUN


In a world similar to but legally distinct from our own...

At Big City Mall, there's a particular shop. Nestled between It's Just Pocket Tees and More Pizza Than Is Strictly Safe is the flagship cat cafe in a chain of bakeries called Honey Gold's Golden Honey Cafe, once known as Fuzzy Towers. Honey Gold and her daughter, Kid Gold, took a single cat cafe blessed with cats with superpowers and, rather reluctantly, became queen and princess of a little empire. The cats with superpowers came and went, and Big City's latest defenders are due to show up any moment now at the start of a work week. The public could get up close to their heroes, and wherever a Golden Honey Cafe was, cats could rest their heads or bring those who needed help. There are just a few rules everyone normally follows: no fighting in the cafe, no messing with the customers, and if you have a minute for Honey or Kid, they have a minute for you.

Resting in one of the fuzzy cat towers, as could be seen by the weird glow coming from its inside, was The Boss, probably skimming the mall wifi or utilizing cellular data or something. The sounds of Honey, Kid and a small army of bakers preparing the day's wares could be heard from behind the kitchen doors. All was well, but the day was only starting. Who knows what adventures might greet these new cats?

 

[Sablonus]

Who knows what adventures might greet these new cats?

Click to shrink...

In the depths of another, far off corner, was a monolith. Of stone, of shadows, and stale, implacable breaths, flowery moss creeping across it's steady, meager bricks. Within, not a mote of life crept across its halls and platforms. Abandon all hope, ye who enter! Ye, who dare traverse the realm of the dead! Ye, who cling to their flickering embers of life! For agile and cunning as cats are, he is inescapable! Indomitable! In.. Insert awesme adjective!

Bram groaned, his empty, bony head hitting the stone desk, his wispy, ears of shadow flitting back and forth. Too much old english in that one. What was the point in giving a dramatic speech if the onlookers had to crack open the dictionary to grasp its' amazingness? Stretching his limbs and rolling his head three hundred and sixty degrees, the dead cat sighed, stalking towards his balcony. There had to be something to do, today. Maybe he'd go bother The Boss? He could always just go patrol the streets and see if there were any lost souls or poltergeists. Chances were, though, the Boss already had a ton of work.

..Why not make it a skeleton?

 

[Space Jawa]

A small buzzing noise sounded, heralding the arrival of by what looked at casual glance to be some model of Segway. That same casual glance would have just as quickly noticed there was something very wrong with they were looking at. For one, the Segway wasn't being ridden by a human, but by a black cat dressed in a brown cloak who was sitting on the very highest point of the machine, where a human might normally place their hands.

Beyond that, the wheels looked like it had received a major upgrade, intended to turn the Segway into an all-terrain Segway for reasons that probably only made sense to the mind that had put the machine together in the first place. On top of all that, the Segway was far taller than most Segways, allowing the cat on top to stand over and look down on just about everyone he passed by as the machine rolled along.

Which ultimately was the secret to why the cat was riding around on the silly-looking machine at all. Other modes of transportation might have been far more sensible or straightforward, but none of them so easily allowed Jarvis to maintain the high ground at all times.

In his usual way, Jarvis sat tall as the Segway rolled along, soon coming to the Golden Honey Cafe and then rolling inside.

 

[Dolly Fail Fail]

Atop the roof sits... something. A creature not properly defined by worldly biology. Though, if one of a select few species where to look upon it they would describe it as the silhouette of something between a cat and goat. They may also call it adorable for its small size and large cartoonish eyes, for they would not, could not, truly comprehend that which they were seeing. The youngest daughter of Dunwich, the Cat Spawn of Yog-Sothoth. Her sisters called her Missy, and thus so too did her friends.

The roof itself was surprisingly clean, hardly a feather nor bird dropping to be seen. No bird was willing to come anywhere near her, or the spot it spent so much time at. As for how she got up here when she was so small well... don't worry about it. She was busy doing her favorite pass-time, her sisters favorite pass-time as well. That being, listening to papa Yog ramble.

Dolly Fail Fail threw 1 10-faced dice. Reason: Listen to Yog(mundane) Total: 10

 

[Heaven Canceler]

Laffey liked to sleep, liked to be lazy and just lie around without anyone bothering her. It wasn't like she didn't want to do other things, but being lazy was her prerogative as a cat, and one she enjoyed extensively. Right now the white cat lay in a basket filled with fluffy cushions and a small blanket in case she wanted to warm herself up. One of her ears twitched and the feline creature opened one eye to look at her surrounding.

With a purr, she grabbed a bottle of Cola sitting next to her basket and took a sip. Ah, that was exactly what she needed. Getting to drink soft drinks without any humans making a huff about things was already worth coming here on its own.

Closing her eyes, she twitched one ear and activated her radio.

One advantage of being the reincarnation of a ship. You always got access to music if you feel like it. Just need to parse the stations for the one you want.

Oh, that was a good song.

And thus the white cat continued being lazy, as was the right of all cats since the times of ancient egypt.

 

[AProcrastinator]

And then, there was Leijon.

Leijon was purposefully holding up traffic by sitting in the middle of the road.

AProcrastinator threw 1 10-faced dice. Reason: Stopping Taffic (Mundane) Total: 2

 

[Hoshino Yumemi]

@Space Jawa @Heaven Canceler @Sablonus

The sight was enough to get The Boss to look out and...politely gawk...at the Segway as it barely cleared the doorway. She lightly leapt, no, nearly floated, down to the ground to greet Jarvis and more officially start her day.

The hollow clunking of hard bone softly bonking against similarly hard stone signalled that Bram was up as well. The Boss' light was visible and it was clear she was about to gather any cats nearby for some of the day's rounds. She figured it would be another busy day for the cats, and felt like getting them all up to speed before anything really happened that day. It was something she liked to do, at the very least.

She saw light dancing out of her peripheral vision - Laffey was lazily relaxing and her rabbit ear antennae were catching some of her light. Well, shouldn't shout, The Boss thought as she simply flashed her ribbons, using a little Morse to say "Good morning" and "huddle up."

@Failbird105

Unfortunately, the radio wasn't nothing but the hits for Missy. Radio K-YOG was a jumbled mess of some sort of chanting that eventually filtered through to her ears...and all of it was chewing gum jingles.

(Missy now has 7 Gum.)

@AProcrastinator

Eventually, a noise started to pique all the cats' interests. It sounded like car horns, and it sounded like they were getting closer.

...wait, no, not closer, just louder.

The Boss decided to step outside to investigate and noticed some nearby streets were empty, as if cars had just decided to stop taking them. Getting closer showed why - Lejion had curled up in the middle of the street and was blocking traffic at an intersection!

She tried to get him out of the street by aiming a sonic emitter at him and whistling at him from several yards away, over the cars.

 

[SplicedHunter]

Riven walked through the mall, and made her way to the cat cafe. She wondered about what was going to be available for the day, and who was going to come by. As she moved through the crowds, she decided to listen in on the idle wishes of those who were going on with their routines. It would be interesting to contemplate all the ways she could grant them a wish.

SplicedHunter threw 1 10-faced dice. Reason: Listening to wishes (Mundane) Total: 3

 

[AProcrastinator]

She tried to get him out of the street by aiming a sonic emitter at him and whistling at him from several yards away, over the cars.

Click to shrink...

Leijon trotted over.

Nah. No. Nope, that was a lie. Utterly and completely.

Leijoin stayed exactly where he was, cracking one eye open, which was his equivalent of trotting over.

"There we are," he giggled, "I was lookin' for a soprano to support this symphony! Glad to see cats nowadays haven't lost all their initiative!"

He rolled over on his back, purring, content.

 

[Space Jawa]

Jarvis rolled his Segway up behind The Boss.

"You want me to go run him over?" Jarvis asked. "Because I could totally do that."

 

[Heaven Canceler]

Laffey sighed as she read the morse signs, twitching with her real ears and wondering if she could get away with acting like she hadn't seen anything. But then perhaps the boss would shout to get her to follow.. and that would be even more annoying than getting up.

With these thoughts, the white feline slowly rose from her resting place. She stretched each of her limbs and then bent her back as far as possible towards the ground. Finally she started slowly trailing behind the boss, only noting the other cats present out of the corner of her eyes. Ah, such a loud bunch, they just couldn't appreciate a good catnap.

Perhaps she was lucky and their next job would lead them to the sea. Laffey would just love that, especially since it would hopefully give her a chance to catch some fish…

Hmmmm.. tuna...

 

[Sablonus]

She saw light dancing out of her peripheral vision - Laffey was lazily relaxing and her rabbit ear antennae were catching some of her light. Well, shouldn't shout, The Boss thought as she simply flashed her ribbons, using a little Morse to say "Good morning" and "huddle up."

Click to shrink...

"Salutations! Have we, the glorious cats of the cat cafe of justice, any noble acts to-?" Before he could finish his greeting in return, the gathering cats had meandered away, towards the street. How rude! Yet not the slightest bit disgruntled, like the perfect gentlecat he was, Bram skipped along with a trousle, his hollow metal armor clinking and clanking about. His sockets gleamed, flashing with interest. Suddenly-!

She tried to get him out of the street by aiming a sonic emitter at him and whistling at him from several yards away, over the cars.

Click to shrink...

"Oho! Is somebody in trouble?! He threw back his head, puffing out his mildly armored ribcage as wisps of smoke danced across his form. "Never fear, for I, Lord Alastor Abraham Irvington Bramblewood, Dread Nek(r)o Knight of Maple Street, shall rescue them!" The collection of bones and warped aluminum foil parkoured towards the others, eager to get to the scene of the crime. Was that an opening, or a window, though? Had they recently cleaned them? It seemed a little.. Oh, forget it! If it was a window, he'd just blow through it for a DYNAMIC ENTRY! (Or was it exit? If he was leaving the building but heading for the others..) "Bramblewood, away-!"

Sablonus threw 1 10-faced dice. Reason: Joining the Others (Kickass) Total: 4

 

[Hoshino Yumemi]

@SplicedHunter

A few hallways down, Riven heard a commotion. People were really wishing that a game that had just sold out last night was in stock. Looks like the video game store that stocked it just couldn't keep enough in inventory, and this happened over and over again.

But after that, she started hearing a stronger collection of people all wishing the same thing. ...kind of loudly, in fact. Angrily, too. All variations on the same general theme...

"Get the #%@$ out of the way!"

...seems legit. Looked like it was coming from where the other cats just headed out to, too.

@Space Jawa @Heaven Canceler @AProcrastinator

The Boss sighed. "No, no, let's not try to just squish the guy..." She looked back at Jarvis, then at Lejion, then to Laffey following close behind. "...alright, let's try to tow the guy. Maybe if we all lift him up and power away, we can at least get traffic going. No moving car means no customers, and no customers means bad news for the cafe."

A mechanical genius, a ship cat and a robot - what could go wrong, right?

@Sablonus @Failbird105

The front of the cafe was shaken by a very audible KLONK sound, followed by the xylophone-like clattering of Bram crumpling on the ground in a pile of very confused bones in a suit of armor.

So there was a window there, after all.

(Bram now has 7 Gum.)

 

[Space Jawa]

Jarvis spun his AT Segway around and pressed a button. Out of the Segway's back end, the tip of a tow cable revealed itself.

"Take it over to him and hook him up." Jarvis said. "I'll drag him back."

 

[Heaven Canceler]

Laffey nodded lazily along as the boss explained what the plan for the situation was. Then she noticed the tow cable Jarvis wanted them to use and shrugged. It would make for less work, so that was always good. Without much thought, she quickly moved to tie it to the insane tomcat.

"Hmmm.. nothing personal." Her sensitive ears twitched at the screaming of the drivers.. just wonderful. "Ah, cannot they be quieter?"

It wasn't like they would do something just because someone shouted at them. They were cats, not indentured servants. It was <i>their</i> job to act spoiled and be waited on hand and foot.

Ahhh what one does to keep being able to release one's inner warship.

Heaven Canceler threw 1 10-faced dice. Reason: Being Destroyer Heavy Total: 6

 

[AProcrastinator]

It wasn't like they would do something just because someone shouted at them. They were cats, not indentured servants. It was <i>their</i> job to act spoiled and be waited on hand and foot.

Click to shrink...

Foot, you say?

Leijon's fangs closed - painlessly, but firmly - on Laffey's front-left leg.

Looking down would reveal a look on his grinning face that roughly translates to "We will go together when we go." Waggling eyebrows and all.

 

[Space Jawa]

Jarvis pushed a button on the AT Segway to lock the cable into place, and then a second button to begin pulling it back in.

Then, just for good measure, Jarvis pushed the Segway forward to pull on the whole thing - and everything attached to it - even faster.

Space Jawa threw 1 10-faced dice. Reason: Cat Cable Towing Total: 1

 

[SplicedHunter]

That is unusual. Riven had never seen a group of people all sharing the same wish. As she walked forward, she saw that there were other cats who were trying to solve the issue of one lying down on the road. She walked over to poke the source of the problem. "And what do we have here, O Companions Mine?"

SplicedHunter threw 1 10-faced dice. Reason: Poke (Mundane) Total: 6

 

[Hoshino Yumemi]

@Space Jawa @AProcrastinator @Heaven Canceler @SplicedHunter

The Boss sprang into action, projecting flashing holograms and warning lights to be as visible as possible. She started waving about and trying to direct traffic in preparation for Lejion to move.

That was when Riven finally showed up. She was probably drawn to the wishes of all the drivers to be allowed to move again, and poked Lejion without any problem. Yeah, he seemed pretty planted, though, or at least, got his attention.

"Oh! Good to see you, Riven," The Boss said, turning to greet her. "Well, it's what I get for needing to gather all you guys for a job. I have a tricky one for you all - well, it's pretty straightforward, but it could be real trouble if we let it sit."

At that point, Laffey braced herself with her mighty destroyer weight, and had the opposite of the intended effect: instead of towing Lejion since he was grabbing onto her something fierce and they were all going in the same direction, Jarvis' Segway zipped towards the horizon, towing nothing before having to sharply turn away, a chorus of horns trying to tell the threesome this just wasn't going to work.

"...see what I mean?" The Boss said, shrugging.

(Laffey now has 7 Gum.)

 

[Space Jawa]

An angry look found its way onto Jarvis' face. He turned his ATS back around and scooted back to the edge of the sidewalk.

"You losers going to get off the stupid street or am I going to have to do something we may all regret?!" He shouted at them.

 

[AProcrastinator]

Leijon stands up, stretching and yawning as though he hadn't just made an entire road of cars take a catnap with him. Content, and easily so, as he steps off the roadway like he had planned to all along.

"Ooooh, a job! How'd you know I was in the business for some excitement?"

 

[Heaven Canceler]

"Huh, that didn't work." Laffey shrugged and moved on, deciding that this whole thing wasn't worth thinking about any longer than necessary.

At least the madcat had decided to drop the issue, so that meant she could go off and get to work. Because the faster she got that finished, the faster she could lie down and take a nap again.

"Benson-class Destroyer USS Laffey, Hull Number DD-459 ready for sortie sir."

 

[SplicedHunter]

"Hello. It seems as though i's not necessary to take action on this particular issue." And Riven was ready to grant all those wishes. Granted, it would have involved creating cat sized hole in the street, but there were always other subconscious desires. "So, what is the problem, O Boss Mine?"

 

[Dolly Fail Fail]

Spoiler: rhythm

A shining red lotus blooms, and then wilts and turns to dust just as quickly. Just as it has done for years now. The... feline holding it scowled in an all too human like manner, before crushing it in the palm of the hand at the end of her tail. Her grip loosens, the dust scattering to the wind as she turns towards the commotion below. It would be a distraction at least, and if it got her back on the Mutts trail... it was more than worth it.

Sinking into the roof of the building beneath her in an instant, tunneling a path down through the side of the walls. A blue barked white bonzai sprouts from the sidewalk suddenly, followed by the rest of the large feline it was attached to. Taking up a sitting position, with a smile on her face that on anyone else would come across as murderous glee, but on Shiromori, was more of a resting expression.

"So, you have something to do? Excitement hasn't been particularly forthcoming recently."

 

[Sablonus]

"Well, it's what I get for needing to gather all you guys for a job. I have a tricky one for you all - well, it's pretty straightforward, but it could be real trouble if we let it sit."

Click to shrink...

"Did somebody say quest?! I heard somebody speak of a quest!" Bones and armor come clanking towards the group, nose in the air as they pranced forward in daintily charred bones, gleaming eye sockets gazing across the group. "A fine party you've collected, my Liege! What manner of chivalrous duty shall we perform on this day? Vanquishing? Rescuing? Dueling? All three?! Your knights are ready for anything!"