The Stranger In Red: Seras Victoria Quest (F:NV/Hellsing Abridged)

[Lone Courier]

You know how people wake up with a hangover after a night of partying, missing their keys and whatnot? Well that sort of happened to me. Except instead of keys, I'm missing my fucking cannon! Yeah, I'm just a mighty bit pissed that one of the few things Master gave me is gone. But wait! There's more! I don't have a bloody clue where I'm at, and the sun feels like someone just threw salt and barbed wire on my skin. I've been walking around this damned place for a week without food, or anything to drink.

I could go for a bit of wine right now, red wine preferably. Better yet, I could go for an entire bar right about...Now, in fact! But that wasn't happening, considering I was walking in the desert with a French Mercenary as company.

Oh come on Seras, you know you'd miss my sweet voice.

Okay, I would miss Pip if he wasn't here. A bit odd he's hanging around in my mind, but better than him not being here. Much better in fact, I have someone to complain with about the hot weather.

We're walking...and we're walking...Fuck this is gonna take a while.

...

"Thank...Fucking...Christ..." I was sunburned, tired, and absolutely done with everything by the time I found a town. There were lizards breathing fire, a horde of skinless corpses running around, and I am sunburned like a fucking tomato! Oh god it feels painful, everything hurts me, please for the love of god can someone give me a bit of water? At least the town was in one piece...And there's smoke, fuck my life.

Surely it can't get worse, right Seras?

Walking inside the town, the sun began setting as I noticed the still living people nailed to makeshift crosses...So apparently Heinkel's students found their way to this bloody place as well. That's...Great, actually, considering I finally have someone to help with the whole 'lost in a strange land' thing. Oh, and to help me with the sunburn.

There was a group of Roman-themed guys standing at the end of the road, and I sighed. One of those days, where I'm thrown into some god-forsaken country or area just for fun! Just as I was about to curse my existence again, the guy wearing the dog head and black sunglasses stepped forth...Okay, I have several questions for him. First one, does he want to die a bloody and painful death for killing a dog? Second, who the fuck wears sunglasses at night? Third, why is everyone gathering around me like some sort of...Oh if they try anything I'll rip their nuts off.

"Well degenerate, how fortunate of you to witness the aftermath of the Legion's affairs within Nipton." His voice was kind of annoying, and I had the sudden urge to punch this cocky prick out right now. I could do it, not even have to deal with ammunition concerns considering the fact I'm a fucking vampire. I can simply rip them apart, that and the fact I can see only...Three guys carrying firearms, Pip, do a count.

Five, two lever action rifles chambered in .357 Magnum, one Browning Hi-Power in 9x19mm, and two more armed with 20 gauge pump lever action shotguns.

Thank you Pip, now what should I do with these bastards?

...

Spoiler: List of Targets

Dog Head (Assumed Leader - Confirmed Cockbite)
Two Lever Riflemen (High Priority)
Gunslinger (Medium Priority)
Two Arnold Schwarzenegger Wannabes (High Priority - Go with 10 Gauge, ya gits)
Five guys armed with Machetes

So let's see how I should deal with them...

[] I'll...
-[] Disarm (Literally) the guys armed with guns, while they can't do much they'll cost you time regenerating. (Hit Fast, Hit Hard)
-[] Disappear, drag them into the shadows one by one. (Stealthy Git)
-[] Fuck it, Shadow-Arm (Let Pip take the floor)

[] Write In...

 

[Lone Courier]

I guess some things never change, Pip, get ready for some rip and tear. 'Rip and Tear prepared my dearest.' Aww, he called me 'dearest'. Momentary distraction from lover boy aside (Hey!), I let my arm shift into its more...Exotic form, a black shadow with a blood red tinge to the air around it. Immediately the Roman cosplayers aimed their weapons at me, and I gave them the good ol' cheshire grin.

"First off, I am a fuck mothering vampire and am to be referred to as such, you weird BDSM Freaks." I growled, feeling my accent grow a bit stronger when I began speaking. "Furthermore, I'm tired, hot, and sunburned to hell. So this is going to be cathartic for me." My arm lashed out, severing the arms of those armed with firearms. A triple disarm maneuver!

'You could say that they lost the upper hand!' Pip chuckled, and I resumed my slaughter. Picking up the two 20 Gauge Shotguns, I fired a blast into one of the Machete-wannabes before flip cocking the levers and firing two combined shots into another's chest. He was split in half from the combined pellets, and I had a laugh. It was like popping balloons filled with meat! Like that time Alucard wanted to visit some island called 'Banoi' during his vacation after the whole Millennium Incident and the resulting years of being a therapist.

Suffice to say, local ghoul apocalypse solved easily by 'Michael Mc-doesn't-exist'

By the time I took care of Cock Bite's friends, he was trying to run away while I dealt with them. That shite wouldn't fly with me, so I decided to give him a little incentive to stay.

And by that, I meant cutting off one of his legs or-

'I got this Seras, and un tir coming right up!' Pip had picked up one of the fallen Hi-Powers while I was in the middle of battle, raising it before firing the poor quality pistol at the escaping man's knee cap. 'BOOM! Kneecapped!' It was darkly hilarious to watch the Roman-cosplayer hobble on one knee, before I quickly caught up with the pansy.

Tripping him, I planted my foot on his back before figuring out what to ask. "So first question, where the hell am I?" I got a string of cursing in both Latin, English, and a few other languages before I slapped him. "I repeat once more, where am I?"

"Praise unto Kaezar degenerate!" He spat, and I took a deep breath.

'Should I rip his balls off, Seras?' Later, right now I'll do something else to get him to talk.

"Okay, this is fine. I can wait aaaaall night, and I have all the time in the world to stomp you into the ground." That finally got him sweating, and I got some answers out of him.

Apparently I'm in Nipton, in the Mojave Wasteland just South-East of the Legion's main camp. Though I have no clue what the fuck is a Caesar's Legion?!?! Is this world just a bunch of psychos stabbing each other with rusty blades and shooting with broken guns? Yay...So let's see what we can do, but first how do I deal with Cock Bite here?

Also, my skin feels like fucking burnt leather ohmygodpleasehelpme.

...

[] Leave him behind, let him rot.
[] Stomp his skull
[] DEEEEEEECAPITATIIIOOOOOON!

[] After that...
-[] Find a place to sleep, like a cave or an abandoned building.
-[] Find some aloe vera...My skin feels like burnt leather.
-[] Find some weapons

[] Write In...

 

[Lone Courier]

Now that I've sated my thirst for knowledge, it's time to sate another kind of thirst. I was out in the desert for a week, and this fucker's friends only gave me a small bit of blood. Leaning in, I looked him in the eyes before giving him every reason I'm going to rip his head off. I'm hungry, thirsty, and absolutely pissed.

"Listen here you twat, I know you're thinking that you're hot shit, but I'm going to prove you wrong now." Getting a good grasp on his head, I heard him begin yelling in a higher and higher pitch before his head popped off like the cork of a wine bottle. It took about two seconds, and I could already smell the scent of blood in the air. Taking my share of blood before I got his soul, I realized something. This guy was B- Blood Type, kind of fitting considering he was nothing but an asshole.

Now then, with that little tidbit out of the way, let's see if I can't find a place to sleep. 'Preferably a place where you and I can have some alone time.' Pip, I'd absolutely love to right now, but my skin is burnt red and I can feel it starting to peel. 'Alright dear, I'll be hanging around here.' A familiar sensation went to my chest, and I rolled my eyes.

Always the romantic...

...

After an hour of walking, I noticed that there were only a few things to worry about. Mostly the giant ants, the fucking shopping cart sized scorpions, and then there was a lot of other creatures that scared me. Mostly arachnids, and the skinless ghouls running around at night. Yeah, and I also learned something new about ghouls, some of them are radioactive.

Like don't get me wrong, as much as I'd love a drink right now, but I'd rather not turn into Deadpool. As awesome as he is, turning into a walking tumor that gets shot in the head nine times out of ten isn't fun.

Moving on from that, I managed to find a cave to sleep in until I can deal with the red skin. Also another thing, owowowowowowowow, everything stings when I move, it feels like someone keeps poking me with a needle. Sure the blood from Wolf-Head managed to mitigate the problem, but right now rest sounds like a great idea.

Now I'm just gonna sleep, and hope the burn is gone by morning.

...

...Sleep?

Damn it.

...

So after another restless night, I'm tired, hungry, and I feel like shit...But on the plus side, I can see a road leading to some sort of outpost just up ahead. Maybe I can find something there?

...

[] Follow the Road to...
-[] The Outpost
-[] The North, something good has to be there.

[] Write In...

 

[Lone Courier]

Walking on the road, the clouds had taken over the sky, before dumping a large amount of rain onto the ground. Cursing my luck once more, I kept walking until I noticed a trio of guys dressed up in some sort of blue uniform. Their leader was a tall motherfucker with a beard, carrying a sledge hammer and an M1911...I'd like to say either A1 or A2. His friend was carrying a Browning Hi-Power, wearing a ballistic vest marked NCR and currently hiding in a broken truck to escape the rain. As for the third, scrawny looking bastard wearing a threadbare coat and scratching his arm every three seconds.

"Well well, looks like a pretty lil' thing decides to pass through our territory." The leader of the trio called out, grabbing his sledge hammer. Within a few minutes the others had their weapons drawn, and Twitchy had pulled out a makeshift pocket knife. "Listen here sugar, I suggest you hand over anything of value before anyone gets hurt."

'Is this miserable pile of waste serious Seras?' I don't know Pip, but these fuckers have a death wish if they want to shake me down. 'Well...I'd love to shake you down.' Again, later Pip. As I was thinking of what to do, I heard the big bastard cough a little.

"Time's ticking sugar." Fuck it, Pip, waste Twitchy and Hi-Power, I'll take MC Hammer. 'With pleasure!' The French Mercenary manifested with his Model New Army, the weapon still with him after all these years. Twitchy didn't have time to react as his head was blasted in half, same with Hi-Power as a .45 Long Colt passed through his throat.

As for Hammer, he managed to get a good hit in. A heavy sledgehammer to the face knocked my jaw out of place, and after a few (painful) minutes putting it back in place, I split him from pelvis to skull. Got a good bit of blood from them, a bit watered down from the rain, but better than nothing at all.

Leaving the now desiccated corpses behind, I kept moving to the Outpost.

...

I was greeted by a large scrap statue of two soldiers shaking hands, and it looked...Actually pretty decent despite the heavy rain. Making my way to the nearest building, I was stopped by a duo of guards.

"Sorry ma'am, if you're looking to get out of the Mojave you're gonna have to get in line." Beg pardon? I asked for more information, considering that I knew the Mojave was in the states but I didn't know the situation. "Legion's been pounding us pretty good, feels like the Correctional Facility Showers if you asked around." Ah, a classic 'drop the soap' joke, though where the hell can I get a drink? "And if you're looking for a drink, try the canteen just behind us." Thanking the two, I stepped inside.

Once I was out of the rain, I figured a few drinks wouldn't hurt, though there are a few faces I can talk to.

...

[] Talk to...
-[] ...the red headed girl with the O/U Shotgun next to her, she seems to be drowning her sorrows for some reason. A good talk wouldn't hurt, and maybe I can get some clues as to what's happening.

-[] ...a golden haired girl that just walked in, wearing leather armor and carrying a pistol of some kind...Where have I seen that gun before? Anyways, she seems new, though the two scars on her forehead show that she knows a thing or two about taking blows.

-[] ...The bartender.

[] Write In...

 

[Lone Courier]

The girl that walked in was a blonde wearing leather armor, and carrying a familiar looking pistol. It looked to be chambered for 5.56mm, judging by the barrel bore and size of the revolver cylinder. 'I believe that's Deckard's pistol from the movie 'Blade Runner', never saw it.' Thank you Pip, now I won't lose sleep at night...Er, more sleep at night.

"This seat taken?" She asked, and I let her take a seat. "Thanks, walking on the road was starting to get unbearable in this weather." The mysterious gunslinger shook the rain off of her armor, asking the bartender for something called a 'dragon's breath' for the two of you.

The bartender placed down two shot glasses, pouring in one part vodka and two parts some sort of gin. A moment later, she lit both of them on fire with a match, before leaving both of us to our drinks. My new friend took one of the glasses carefully, a cocky smile on her face as she raised a glass, smiling all the way.

"Well friend, I didn't quite get your name, but care to best me in a drinking competition?" A bit early to be drinking, isn't it? But I guess it couldn't hurt, I do need a good drink after tanning like a tomato.

"With the few days I've had, bring it on and let the good times roll." Taking my glass, I blew out the flame, knocked back the shot, and asked for another from the bartender. The gunslinger seemed to be pretty impressed, and knocked back her own shot. After a few drinks, I figured learning her story would be pretty interesting at the moment. "So what's your story? There's got to be more to the strange gunslinger walking into a bar."

She let out a low laugh, knocking back another shot before getting her story straight. "Well first off, name's Marie Lyall, some call me Courier 6 after my uh...Previous employer screwed me on a deal." Marie pointed to the two scars on her forehead. "Took two nine by nine's to the dome, all because of something called a platinum chip." There was another laugh from her, before the Courier knocked back another shot. "For such a fancy handgun, his ammo was pretty shitty." True, most of the ammo I've seen here looks hand loaded, and not the good quality like that guy Alucard knows in Transylvania.

It's weird how he has so many friends outside of Hellsing, but good for him I suppose.

"Ouch, and the name's Seras." 'Don't forget I'm here.' Oh hush you dashing rogue, in the middle of a conversation here. "So anything else about you? Like that fancy gun you've got on you?" Marie placed the revolver on the table, giving me a quick rundown of its operation.

It fired a 5.56mm cartridge, which seemed to be a bit much for a revolver. But considering the revolver looked like something out of Blade Runner, my best guess is that some sort of electronic system keeps it active for whatever reason. Besides that, it could switch ammo types with a minor amount of slight of hand and whatnot.

We ended up drinking enough to knock the both of us out for a while...Or it would've, were I not the Fuck-mothering Vampire! Well, I'm a fuck-mothering vampire, the other's probably in England buggering off somewhere.

Now then, what should I do with my passed out friend once she wakes up?

...

[] See if she knows about any casinos, clubs, anything to keep the party going!
[] Marie mentioned something about a checker suited fucker, could be fun hunting him down.
[] Go adventuring, see where she takes you.

[] Write In