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The Shepherd Of The Mojave (Hellsing Abridged x Fallout NV)

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Waking up, you felt as if there was fire burning around you. Is this Hell or is Heaven a bit...
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Welcome To The Wasteland!
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    • Lone Courier

    Lone Courier

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    Waking up, you felt as if there was fire burning around you. Is this Hell or is Heaven a bit hotter than you thought? You thought to yourself, being a devout follower of his Holiness meant either something went horribly wrong or something isn't right. deciding to open your eyes, you noticed a bright sun burning your eyes.

    "What in his Holy Name..." You muttered, noticing the burnt desert surrounding you. "Where in the Bloody Protestant Hell am I?!" You shouted, scaring a few nearby birds.

    "Eh, keep it down Herr Doktor...Mein head hurts like..." Wait a fuckin' minute, you remember that voice. "Oh schei-" The cat boy/girl (the fuck was it?) didn't have time to move as you grabbed him by the front of his shirt collar.

    "Alright Kitten, you start tellin' me where the fuck we are an' why am I not at the pearly gates, or I will cut your tail and ears off slowly." You put extra emphasis on the slowly part, because you wrote some parts of the Beginner's Guide To Torture. A good classic for the whole family to read! You were pretty good at it, that's for sure.

    "I know nothing! One minute I'm in London, the next I'm here with Vater Verrückt in God-Knows-Where!" Did he just call you Father Crazy? Pompous lil' bastard you'll show him crazy...But it appears you have guests, a bunch of idiots prancing about in red football vests an' carrying lawnmower blades strapped to makeshift handles.

    So like Mad Max? This place is just your style.

    "Well hello there, me and my associate here are just having a minor discussion. Now, what do ye want?" You greeted warmly, with their leader stepping forward carrying...Is that a .357 Revolver? By the Lord this is kinda pathetic, if you have to fight them then it'll be a bloody slaughter to clean up later on.

    "We are here to spread the Word of Caesar, now will you be a good profligate and follow our directions or be lashed to a cross like the rest?" Are they fucking kidding you? Dropping the Cat Boy, you take a few steps over to him before thinking of what to say.

    [] "Listen here, I don't give two shits who this 'Caesar' is. I'm more curious as to where I am, now be a good Son and tell me now so I don't have to take your kneecaps out with my bayonets."
    [] "Fuck you an' fuck Caesar!" *Bayonet his kneecaps*
    [] "I'll beat a motherfucker with another motherfucker!" *Grab him and use him as a bludgeon*

    [] Write In...
     
  • Threadmarks
    • [X] "I'll beat a motherfucker with another motherfucker!" *Grab him and use him as a bludgeon*
    -[X] Bloody heathen using the instrument of martyrs as a threat you need a lesson
    --[X] Youre telling me all about this Ceaser fellow provided your still conscious after i use you as a bludgeon
     
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    Watched....watched so hard.

    [X] "I'll beat a motherfucker with another motherfucker!" *Grab him and use him as a bludgeon*
    -[X] While doing so, kindly ask them, "Where the fuck am I?!"
     
    [X] "I'll beat a motherfucker with another motherfucker!" *Grab him and use him as a bludgeon*
    -[X] Bloody heathen using the instrument of martyrs as a threat you need a lesson
    --[X] Youre telling me all about this Ceaser fellow provided your still conscious after i use you as a bludgeon
     
    [X] "I'll beat a motherfucker with another motherfucker!" *Grab him and use him as a bludgeon*
    -[X] Bloody heathen using the instrument of martyrs as a threat you need a lesson
    --[X] Youre telling me all about this Ceaser fellow provided your still conscious after i use you as a bludgeon
     
    [x] "Yeah, 'tis gran' an' al', but 'av yer 'eard the Good Word of our Lord an' Savior?"
    -[x] Extreme violence against damn heathens if they don't.
     
    [X] "I'll beat a motherfucker with another motherfucker!" *Grab him and use him as a bludgeon*
    -[X] While doing so, kindly ask them, "Where the fuck am I?!"
     
    [X] "I'll beat a motherfucker with another motherfucker!" *Grab him and use him as a bludgeon*
    -[X] Bloody heathen using the instrument of martyrs as a threat you need a lesson
    --[X] Youre telling me all about this Ceaser fellow provided your still conscious after i use you as a bludgeon
     
    [X] "I'll beat a motherfucker with another motherfucker!" *Grab him and use him as a bludgeon*
    -[X] Bloody heathen using the instrument of martyrs as a threat you need a lesson
    --[X] Youre telling me all about this Ceaser fellow provided your still conscious after i use you as a bludgeon
    -[X] all the while quoting your favorite show and some of the good book too, mostly the show though!
     
    [X] "I'll beat a motherfucker with another motherfucker!" *Grab him and use him as a bludgeon*
    -[X] Bloody heathen using the instrument of martyrs as a threat you need a lesson
    --[X] Youre telling me all about this Ceaser fellow provided your still conscious after i use you as a bludgeon

    Yeah no. Rome? Crosses? Caesar? This isn't the rome Alexander lived at.
     
    All right, let's see the tally!
    Adhoc vote count started by Lone Courier on Mar 17, 2018 at 1:26 PM, finished with 14 posts and 9 votes.
    • [X] "I'll beat a motherfucker with another motherfucker!" *Grab him and use him as a bludgeon*
      -[X] Bloody heathen using the instrument of martyrs as a threat you need a lesson
      --[X] Youre telling me all about this Ceaser fellow provided your still conscious after i use you as a bludgeon
      [X] "I'll beat a motherfucker with another motherfucker!" *Grab him and use him as a bludgeon*
      -[X] While doing so, kindly ask them, "Where the fuck am I?!"
      [x] "Yeah, 'tis gran' an' al', but 'av yer 'eard the Good Word of our Lord an' Savior?"
      -[x] Extreme violence against damn heathens if they don't.
      [X] "I'll beat a motherfucker with another motherfucker!" *Grab him and use him as a bludgeon*
      -[X] Bloody heathen using the instrument of martyrs as a threat you need a lesson
      --[X] Youre telling me all about this Ceaser fellow provided your still conscious after i use you as a bludgeon
      -[X] all the while quoting your favorite show and some of the good book too, mostly the show though!
    Click to expand...
     
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    • You know what, makeshift bludgeon time. "I'll beat a motherfucker with another motherfucker!" Making a grab for his lower legs, you picked him up with both hands and slammed his body into one of his friends. Ignoring his screams, you were planning on chewing these bloody heathens for using the symbol of a martyr as a threat.

    "You dare defile a symbol of his holiness, you're worse than bloody Protestants!" You noticed a few of them were lined up, a grin appeared on your face. "An' I'm givin' ye a deal on three for one arse-whoopin'!"Knocking them around, you could see a few of them hit the ground with a sickening crunch a few feet over. In the few moments of respite, you decided to speak to the bludgeon. "you are going to tell me everythin' about this place, provided yer still conscious."

    Resuming the carnage, you were feeling like nothing had changed.

    Ah well, better the tried and true than whatever the fuck was gonna happen here.

    ...

    After dealing with them, you started to clean the dust off your hands and glasses. "Well that was fun, but..." Lookng at the man you used as a bludgeon, you noticed that his legs were broken in three places, and that his arm looked like a popped sausage. "Are ye still awake lad?" You asked, nudging him with your foot, a pained groan followed soon after.

    "Damned Profligate..." Chuckling, you twirled out some bayonets before thinking of what to ask him. But then something occurred to you, and you noticed that Cat Boy was hiding behind a nearby rock.

    "Come on out lad, we got bigger things to worry about." Looking back to the man on the ground, you noticed he was reaching for his discarded revolver. Stomping on his arm, you began to think of what to say. "Listen shit for brains, I have a few questions for you an' I want them answered truthfully. If I find out you're talking gobshite I'm gonna stomp your skull into mush, understand?"

    He nodded, and you began to list off questions.

    [] "Where the fuck am I?"
    [] "Who's Caesar? I've gotta hunch but I want to be sure."
    [] "Did you really think that was necessary?"

    [] Write In...
     
  • Threadmarks
    • [X] "I want these questions answered in this order!"
    -[X] First, who's Caesar? I've gotta hunch but I wanna be sure.
    -[X] Second, are ye slavers? You know slavery's an affront to God right? You know what that means I 'ave to do to you right?
    -[X] Third, where in God's name am I? And you'd better tell the truth or you get stabbed in uncomfortable places.
    -[X] Fourth, does the word vampire sound familiar to you?
    -[X] That's about it. You got any questions cat heathen!?
     
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    [X] "Who's Ceaser? I gotta hunch but I want to be sure."
    -[X] Hold on a second wasn't slavery an affront to god?
    --[X] If their slavers make it hurt

    Might want to fix the typo there Rjrulew.
     
    [X] "I want these questions answered in this order!"
    -[X] First, who's Caesar? I've gotta hunch but I wanna be sure.
    -[X] Second, are ye slavers? You know slavery's an affront to God right? You know what that means I 'ave to do to you right?
    -[X] Third, where in God's name am I? And you'd better tell the truth or you get stabbed in uncomfortable places.
    -[X] Fourth, does the word vampire sound familiar to you?
    -[X] That's about it. You got any questions cat heathen!?
     
    changing my vote...
    [X] "I want these questions answered in this order!"
    -[X] First, who's Caesar? I've gotta hunch but I wanna be sure.
    -[X] Second, are ye slavers? You know slavery's an affront to God right? You know what that means I 'ave to do to you right?
    -[X] Third, where in God's name am I? And you'd better tell the truth or you get stabbed in uncomfortable places.
    -[X] Fourth, does the word vampire sound familiar to you?
    -[X] That's about it. You got any questions cat heathen!?
     
    [X] "Who's Caesar? I've gotta hunch but I want to be sure."
    -[X] Hold on a second wasn't slavery considered an affront to god?
    --[X] If their slavers make it hurt
     
    [X] "I want these questions answered in this order!"
    -[X] First, who's Caesar? I've gotta hunch but I wanna be sure.
    -[X] Second, are ye slavers? You know slavery's an affront to God right? You know what that means I 'ave to do to you right?
    -[X] Third, where in God's name am I? And you'd better tell the truth or you get stabbed in uncomfortable places.
    -[X] Fourth, does the word vampire sound familiar to you?
    -[X] That's about it. You got any questions cat heathen!?
     
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