The Shard of Badass
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"Kids!" I thought "He's going to kill kids! Fuck FUCK fuckity fuck...
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"Kids!" I thought "He's going to kill kids! Fuck FUCK fuckity fuck...
The Shard of Badass (Worm AU Comedy)
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The Shard of Badass
00000
"Kids!" I thought "He's going to kill kids! Fuck FUCK fuckity fuck fuck fucker motherfucking fu-"
"Shall we engage Master?" said a synthetic voice in my head. That voice belonged to an invisible undetectable drone called DABVAT-R. It just showed up after I triggered and it was what gave me the powers to be a hero. It also had an annoying English accent and I wanted to constantly punch it in the face. However right at that moment it also gave me a chance to beat Lung and his band of thirty thugs. Only a chance though. Some of my experiments using DABVAT-R had been… less than stellar.
I really have no control over what happens next with my powers but to protect children I have to at least try. Fighting Lung on my first official night out was so NOT on my list of plans for the night.
"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKK"
"Yes, I do believe you've already expressed that sentiment Master," snarked DABVAT-R in my head, "perhaps you should transform now if you are planning to engage? They look to be moving soon."
"No, no I can't do that. It just wouldn't be right," I said shaking my head. The drone only I could see just a few feet from my head turned to me with what I swear were judging eyes.
"And what would be the right thing to do Master?" he asked. I could practically hear the air quotes in DABVAT-R's synthesized voice.
"Well…" I said "I need to do what the heroes of the Protectorate do. I need to go out there and confront them. Then I need to heroically demand they surrender even if we all know they won't do it. At that point I'll try to intimidate them into surrendering with our little light show and hopefully we'll get something scary enough to do the trick. Hmm that's all I got," I said trying to sound nonchalant. It didn't work. My voice broke because I was about to go pick a fight with thirty mooks and insta-grow roidrage dragon of fire and doom.
"So…" DABVAT-R drawled, "Your plan for taking on a superior force is to give up the element of surprise, cede the initiative, put yourself out in the open while at the same time not knowing you capabilities until you're in the middle of a situation you can't escape?"
"Well it sounds dumb when you put it like that," I said feeling indignant, "but I think it at least gives us a chance to end things without violence. It's the Right Thing to Do. It's what Armsmaster would do isn't it? It's the heroic thing to do."
"Yes, acting like a self-important twat will carry the day against Lung. I'm glad you're here to make all the important decisions Master."
"Just-just shut up with your logic and stuff! I'm going to be a hero no matter what and I'm going to do it the right way, and that means dramatic self-important speeches, ridiculously restrictive rules of engagement, worrying about my image, dressing in bright attractive colors, the whole package. If we're going to do this we're going to do this right."
"Of course Master," he replied in a slow drawl reserved for especially slow paint eating children who try to wear their pants on their heads. I got the feeling he wasn't completely on board with my priorities.
I didn't have any more time to dwell on it since the ABB thugs along with Lung began to move out. Trying to contain the butterflies of fear and excitement in my stomach I raced to get off the roof of the building I was on. Luckily I was able to land in an alley ahead of the group. I glanced around the corner and saw the group was still half a block away.
"Tell me when they are close enough for a dramatic reveal," I thought to DABVAT-R.
"Of course Master," he replied in my head and I could practically feel the drone rolling his metaphorical eyes at me. Why did I end up with a sidekick that was ninety percent snark? R2-D2 would have been way better.
I waited in tense silence, trying to control my breathing and not have a panic attack. Honestly I would have settled for beating up some drug dealers and running from capes for a while since the random nature of my powers can make me completely overpowered or next to useless in a cape fight. Until I'd had more experience I'd been planning on staying far away from any villain capes, especially the terrifyingly powerful ones like Lung. Well, I might have been scared enough to crap my pants but I wanted to be a hero and stepping up and batting out of your weight class to save innocent helpless children is sort of like the first thing in the hero guidebook. I couldn't call myself a hero is I wasn't willing to do this.
I crouched behind a dumpster as I waited for the signal. It didn't take long for me to hear voices in various Asian languages.
"If you insist on going through this foolishness Master you should reveal yourself… now," DABVAT-R said.
Trying not to lose control of my bowels I stood up and walked stiffly out of the alley trying my best to look confident… and was pretty sure I failed pretty spectacularly. I didn't want look scared but I was pretty sure my body shaking like a leaf was clear for everyone to see. As I stepped out onto the street I tried my best to level an intimidating gaze at the gangsters like I had seen Armsmaster do on TV. However instead of stepping back in fear the gangsters just stopped, their eyes wary of the obvious cape but raising their eyebrows as if they couldn't quite believe what they were seeing.
I'll admit I didn't cut an impressive figure and it didn't help that I'd put together my costume on a budget. I wore a green tracksuit that was a little bit too baggy on me along with white opera gloves and white boots I had found at a flea market. Finishing off my ensemble was my favorite part of the suit, a thick cloth mantle, red on the inside and green on the outside that I'd managed to snag on the cheap from some renaissance fair enthusiasts. A cape would have been better but you take what you can get. To hide my identity I'd chosen to wear a green domino mask I'd found at a party store. My costume was a little crude, maybe, but at least anyone who saw me would instantly think "hero".
I stopped in the middle of the street and faced the gathered gangsters placing my hands dramatically on my hips. The first part of my plan called for me offering them a chance to surrender but stranding out in the middle of the street it suddenly didn't seem like such a great idea. Still that was only the first part of my plan.
"Stop!" I said dramatically, then want to kick myself because duh they were already stopped, "I will not allow you to proceed any further. The children of Brockton Bay are under my protection. Turn around and go home. I already called the Protectorate and they will be here in minutes to stop your nefarious plot. Leave now unless you really really want to go to prison" I said in a loud voice. If it broke a little I'm going to say it was rage dragon and first time jitters at play.
So I was improvising a bit. At first I was going to tell them to surrender but it didn't seem like such a good idea once I was in front of them. Also I hadn't called the Protectorate… I didn't have a cell phone. Something I'd have to fix. What I was doing seemed a lot less heroic than what I had planned but if I needed to fib the truth a little I guessed I could do it.
A deep, ominous chuckle came from the back of the assembled mob, a chuckle that sounded suspiciously like the laugh of Jabba the Hutt. The crowd parted and a six and a half foot tall Asian man I'd somehow missed walked to the front of his men. He was barefoot, shirtless and had intricate tattoos on every visible surface of his body. On his face was a silver mask that looked like something in between a dragon and a demon. His intimidating presence made me want to shrink back and run away. This was Lung, the leader of the ABB and all around badass mother-f**cker.
"I can hear your heart and I can smell your fear little hero," he said, his accented voice reverberating in that mask of his, "I can tell you are lying. My way superior senses do not lie. There is no Protectorate coming and you are all alone. Bet you feel pretty stupid now don't you?"
Uh, yeah. Now that he mentioned it I really really did.
Lung made some sort of signal with his hand and the gangsters broke out into choreographed mocking laughter. I fumed at that. How dare they! I got enough of that kind of crap at school! I might take abuse from bratty teenaged girls but I'd be damned if I was going to tolerate hardened criminals putting me down! No-sir-ee!
"I would have your name hero… before I break you!" said Lung. Did his voice just take on a bad Russian accent there at the end? Well whatever.
"I… don't have one yet. Not t-that I need one to deal with the likes of you!"
Somehow even with the mask on Lung managed to look disgusted. He shook his head. "If you don't have a name how do I add you my CAPES I HAVE TOTALLY PWNED list? This is a real problem."
"You have a list?" I blurted out.
Lung proudly displayed the side of his enormous muscular arm. By the light of a street lamp I could see the words CAPES I HAVE TOTALLY PWNED tattooed at the top of his shoulder and then a list of names going down almost to his wrist. I swallowed. That wasn't scary or ominous at all.
"Well," he said with a resigned air, "if you don't survive to take a name I guess putting you down as 'Unnamed Cape' will have to do."
I wanted to say something dramatic like, 'you'll never defeat justice' or 'you cannot win Lung' but really that list was intimidating. Still I had a job I had set out for myself. It was too late to back out now.
The first plan of my plan had been a bust but I hadn't really expected it to work. Now came part two: intimidation. I just hoped I got something good and tonight didn't end up with me as a gross sticky stain across the sidewalk.
Gathering up as much fake confidence as I could I threw out an arm dramatically. "I will show you that you can never escape righteousness for long! DABVAT, do it now!" I shouted.
"Yes Master," the drone said in my head before briefly becoming visible and latching on to my arm. For maximum effect I threw my arms out and spread my legs like the vitruvian man.
My body started glowing white quickly growing brighter and brighter. Pretty soon I was shining with blinding light like my body was made of burning magnesium. The gangsters and even Lung backed away covering their eyes from the spectacle of my transformation. I felt it as my body grew, my limbs becoming longer and more muscled, my torso changing from a skinny kid to a form that was bigger and stronger. As quickly as it began the transformation ended with an explosion of light.
When the ABB members turned back to look blinking lights out of their eyes I could see many of their jaws drops. I figured they must be familiar with the form I had taken then.
I knew what I looked like without even having to look. A white beat up sleeveless karate Gi covered my body tied closed with a worn black belt. I was now six feet tall and while very muscular my body didn't have an ounce of fat on it. Light red sparring gloves covered my hands and a red strip of cloth was tied around my forehead, it's tails flapping dramatically in the wind (which had not been there earlier).
TRANSMUTATION COMPLETE
Assumed form 0017 confirmed: Ryu (Street Fighter)
Power Potential: Variable
Information about my assumed form flooded into my head and all I could think was… fuck.
I'm supposed to take out a villain that had taken on the whole Brockton Bay Protectorate and won. I was supposed to fight someone like that as some karate guy?!
"Oh good," chirped DABVAT-R in my head, "this form could do very well."
"Good? GOOD? How is turning into a vanilla human GOOD in this situation?" I shouted at DABVAT-R in my head.
"You are far more than just a 'vanilla human' in that form. If you stop panicking and actually synchronize with your assumed form you will know what I mean," he replied managing to sound only a little bit condescending.
Luckily for me I had a few moments to sort myself out. To the last man the ABB gangmembers were gawking at me openly. Some of them even had tears in their eyes. Not sure what that was about. Maybe this Ryu guy and that Street Fighter thing were really famous or something? Well whatever. As long as it bought me a few moments.
I sunk into 'Ryu', mentally becoming a Taylor/Ryu hybrid. Full unshakable confidence that I could and would win any fight filled me up from the inside. I made a tight fist and held it in front of me. A small smile curled my lips. Yes. No amount of mooks could stop me. No matter what I would find a way to achieve victory.
It was time.
"What are you waiting for!?" yelled Lung, the first one to snap out of it, "pull out your guns and shoot her! – him, -her! That crossdressing Hentai!"
The ABB members might have been in awe of me but they were more afraid of Lung. Clumsily about half of them drew an assortment of pistols and aimed them at me. I couldn't help but smirk.
No matter how many guns they had between them it wouldn't do them any good. At all. Everyone knows that if your Martial Arts level is high enough guns become completely useless against you.
"OPEN FIRE!" said Lung as he melted into the background.
The ABB members opened fire in a hail of hot lead and I charged straight into them, my speed and Martial Arts mastery somehow making every bullet miss by a mile. I grinned as I charged straight into the pack of gathered ABB mooks.
"Tatsumaki Senpukyaku!"
Right before I reached them I jumped three feet in the air. Sticking one leg out and holding the other straight down I began to spin like a tornado while moving forward perpendicular to the ground… without falling. Physics had nothing on Shotokan Karate. I tore into the main body of mooks sending each of them flying for over ten feet when they came in contact with my spinning foot. Some ABB thugs tried to run but my perpendicular spinning chased after them breaking bones and sending them flying from even the briefest of contacts. After about five seconds the technique died down leaving only about half the ABB mooks left standing.
Before they could mount an offensive I leapt towards the closet one, jumping over ten feet in the air and doing a forward flip before coming down with a vicious kick to the head. Somehow that seemed to set the rest of the gangsters off. As one they charged me, having discarded their useless guns in favor of the more dangerous knives and tire irons.
I flowed through them with equal parts grace and power, decades of the highest level training allowing me to take on the clumsy charge of the gangsters with little difficulty. Really the only challenge was the lack of space because of the press of bodies. The less said about that scuffle the better. Sufficed to say they all needed remedial lessons in self defense.
When I dropped the last mook with a chop to the back of the neck I turned and faced my true opponent for the day: Lung. He stood with his massive arms crossed watching me impassively behind his silver mask.
"Impressive. Maybe you will be some small challenge to me Hentai."
Recognizing Lung as a true challenger I got into a real fighting stance. Lung stood twenty feet from me. As we started each other down I had only one thing to say.
"I am no Hentai."
With that I charged with an explosion of motion. I jumped in with a hard punch which Lung was barely able to dodge. Off balance I kicked out with a leg sweep taking out his legs from under him. Lung hit the ground hard but quickly rolled away from me coming to his feet with liquid ease. To my dread I could already see scales starting to form on his arms.
"You are quick and skilled. But that will not help you survive the wrath of a dragon," he said. Both his hands ignited in orange flames. He stood there for a moment and the flames in his hands seemed to grow and grow until they were the size of basketballs.
"Now burn!" he yelled throwing the balls of fire at me.
I sidestepped one and rolled under the other coming to my feet barely a yard away from him. I thought I saw surprise in his eyes before my fist crashed into his sternum with the strength of a sledgehammer.
Knowing I had to take him down quick I unleashed the full fury of Shotokan Karate on him. Lung was strong but he wasn't as fast nor nearly as skilled as I was. I punched and kicked him in the head and torso viciously, pounding on him over and over. DABVAT might have said something about a combo score but I wasn't really paying attention. To my growing frustration the more I pounded on Lung the more he seemed to grow and the more scales appeared all over his body. I could tell my hits were doing real damage but it was starting to heal almost as fast as I could inflict it.
"Enough!" yelled Lung as unexpectedly his whole body exploded outwards in fire.
My instincts and honed battle sense saved me. I back flipped out of range of his self-explosion just in time to avoid getting incinerated. As I looked back at him I could tell his strategy had changed. His whole body was covered in hungry licking flames that didn't seem to be dissipating and worse they didn't seem to hurt him one bit. I frowned. There was no way I could get close to him like that. With only a microsecond to process it I knew what I had to do next.
Cupping my hands in front of me I deliberately brought them back to my hip and twisted my body away from Lung. He began to charge at me but the whole world around me seemed to slow to a crawl. Blue Ki gathered in my hands and a ball of bright blue ignited in between them. Power vibrated in my hands and I fought to contain it and give it form.
I waited until Lung was only a few feet away before unleashing my attack.
"Hadokeeeeeen!" I said thrusting my palms forward into his chest.
A blinding ball of blue Ki energy shot from my hands as the outward manifestation of my discipline and warrior's spirit. Lung's eyes widened as the energy took him in the chest blasting him backwards over thirty feet and sending him through the wall of a brick building. The Hadoken was an attack that could fell even the likes of Ken and Sagat in one blow. It was Ryu's strongest attack.
Nervousness began to eat at me as I started to suspect such an attack would not be enough against Lung. Thankfully the feeling of absolute confidence didn't leave me but Taylor/Ryu started to realize it was going to take some major creativity and luck to be able to take out Lung. My warrior's intuition was telling me that Lung was not yet beaten even after putting him through a wall.
I was proven correct as moments later Lung stepped out from the ruined building. He had grown now to over nine feet tall and was completely covered in armor-like scales. His mask had fallen off and now his face a nightmarish mix of human and something that might have looked like a dragon if you squinted really hard and turned your head sideways. The ABB leader now looked like an honest to god invincible monster. Insanely enough that only elevated Ryu's fighting spirit even further.
"Meezzaa kuuuiill gooooo!" said Lung pointing a sharp pointed talon at me.
"Bring it," I said.
00000
Five minutes later
I lay on the ground, bruised, battered and broken. I'd been stupid to think I could take on Lung as some fancy trumped up martial artist. Sinking into 'Ryu' turned out to have some unfortunate side effects, one of them being that I was so full of stupid Martial Arts pride that I had absolutely refused to give up or run away even when it was clear I couldn't win. Now I had two broken arms, two broken legs and a broken hip along with something else that was probably broken since my vision was slowly fading to black. Staying to slug it out with Lung had not been the smartest decision I ever made.
Lung stood over me, arms crossed, as he slowly shrank back to a more human size.
"You challenged the power that is Lung," he said to me, "and you failed. You can't say that you are surprised. Still, you are a strong warrior and fought honorably. For that I will not kill you."
"Too bad you are quickly dying from a massive bleed in your brain," chirped DABVAT-R in my head, "you'll probably lose consciousness in another twenty seconds."
"Why are you sounding so chipper?" I thought to my evil heartless drone in despair, "I thought you were on my side?"
"Oh but I am. You see I've got these fluffy down feathers but I've never had the opportunity to try them out before. This here is a jolly good opportunity I say," he said cheerfully.
"Hey," growled Lung at me, "I just complimented you. Its proper etiquette that you compliment me back on how awesome and powerful I am."
"DABVAT… I should melt you for scrap metal…" I thought as my consciousness faded to black.
Next thing I know an orange-yellow feather is melting into my chest. Somehow I feel instantly healed, if still bruised black and blue. Lung is still standing above me gloating. I feel a bright hot anger begin to burn inside me. He's just a big bully! Just like at school. Standing over me and gloating as he steals my books or covers me in juice.
Well no more.
Without any conscious command on my part my body lashes out on its own.
"Shoryuken!"
My legs propel my body upwards at incredible speed, my fist catching Lung under the chin. For some reason I can't explain in my mind's eye I see the blow repeated three times, from three different angles, all in slow motion. My jump carries me ten feet in the air and Lung flies backwards twice as far from the strength of my blow. I land without trouble on the ground and take up my karate stance once again.
"Oh it worked, it worked!" DABVAT said enthusiastically in my head.
"You and I are going to have words when this is over," I growled at him.
I stood there as I watched Lung gingerly pick himself off the street rubbing his jaw. He had shrunk to a mere seven feet tall now but it's not like that really made a difference. There was no way I could beat him. No matter how much of a badass he was there is no way Ryu from Street Fighter could beat up Lung.
Then I remembered something DABVAT had said.
"Hey, why did you say this form could do very well earlier? Because let me tell you it sure doesn't feel that way."
"Oh that. Well there are different version of Ryu you see. You are currently the Street Fighter II version. There are other Ryu incarnations that could be much more useful."
"What? And I can use them? Why didn't you tell me this before?"
"Coming near death is a prerequisite for a power-up. Besides you never asked."
Just as I was getting ready to say something about the ridiculousness and stupidity of what he had just said Lung roared. He started charging me once again covered from head to toe in flames too hot to touch.
"How do I power up? I kind of need it right now!"
"Just ask me to upgrade you to a stronger version of Ryu."
"Yes yes upgrade me to the strongest one! Upgrade me NOW!"
"Acknowledged Master," he said.
This time the physical changes were more subtle. I briefly glowed white before coming out looking like an almost identical Ryu. But I felt different. I-I was still a Marital Artist but not just a Martial Artist. Somehow I knew that even though I was still just a plain vanilla human I was strong enough to defeat invincible space cyborgs, gods, demons and even mild mannered lawyers. It didn't make sense, at all, but when did my power ever make sense? I grinned.
UPGRADE COMPLETE
Ryu (Street Fighter)
Version: Marvel vs Capcom 3
Power Potential: Near Infinite
The world seemed to slow down. Lung charged me and it seemed like I had all the time in the world. Suddenly I wasn't the least bit afraid. When you knew you could fight evenly with Dormammu and Thor, what great terror could you possibly have for Lung?
As he approached I cupped my hands by my waist and turned my body away. The power that I gathered in my hands now was nothing like before, it felt like I could grasp enough power to punch a hole in the moon if the situation was dire enough. The whole street lit up in a blue glow as I concentrated power in one spot between my palms.
"Dwiieeee!" howled Lung. He never got closer than ten feet.
"SHINKU HADOOOOOOOKKEEN!!!!!"
00000
"Kids!" I thought "He's going to kill kids! Fuck FUCK fuckity fuck fuck fucker motherfucking fu-"
"Shall we engage Master?" said a synthetic voice in my head. That voice belonged to an invisible undetectable drone called DABVAT-R. It just showed up after I triggered and it was what gave me the powers to be a hero. It also had an annoying English accent and I wanted to constantly punch it in the face. However right at that moment it also gave me a chance to beat Lung and his band of thirty thugs. Only a chance though. Some of my experiments using DABVAT-R had been… less than stellar.
I really have no control over what happens next with my powers but to protect children I have to at least try. Fighting Lung on my first official night out was so NOT on my list of plans for the night.
"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKK"
"Yes, I do believe you've already expressed that sentiment Master," snarked DABVAT-R in my head, "perhaps you should transform now if you are planning to engage? They look to be moving soon."
"No, no I can't do that. It just wouldn't be right," I said shaking my head. The drone only I could see just a few feet from my head turned to me with what I swear were judging eyes.
"And what would be the right thing to do Master?" he asked. I could practically hear the air quotes in DABVAT-R's synthesized voice.
"Well…" I said "I need to do what the heroes of the Protectorate do. I need to go out there and confront them. Then I need to heroically demand they surrender even if we all know they won't do it. At that point I'll try to intimidate them into surrendering with our little light show and hopefully we'll get something scary enough to do the trick. Hmm that's all I got," I said trying to sound nonchalant. It didn't work. My voice broke because I was about to go pick a fight with thirty mooks and insta-grow roidrage dragon of fire and doom.
"So…" DABVAT-R drawled, "Your plan for taking on a superior force is to give up the element of surprise, cede the initiative, put yourself out in the open while at the same time not knowing you capabilities until you're in the middle of a situation you can't escape?"
"Well it sounds dumb when you put it like that," I said feeling indignant, "but I think it at least gives us a chance to end things without violence. It's the Right Thing to Do. It's what Armsmaster would do isn't it? It's the heroic thing to do."
"Yes, acting like a self-important twat will carry the day against Lung. I'm glad you're here to make all the important decisions Master."
"Just-just shut up with your logic and stuff! I'm going to be a hero no matter what and I'm going to do it the right way, and that means dramatic self-important speeches, ridiculously restrictive rules of engagement, worrying about my image, dressing in bright attractive colors, the whole package. If we're going to do this we're going to do this right."
"Of course Master," he replied in a slow drawl reserved for especially slow paint eating children who try to wear their pants on their heads. I got the feeling he wasn't completely on board with my priorities.
I didn't have any more time to dwell on it since the ABB thugs along with Lung began to move out. Trying to contain the butterflies of fear and excitement in my stomach I raced to get off the roof of the building I was on. Luckily I was able to land in an alley ahead of the group. I glanced around the corner and saw the group was still half a block away.
"Tell me when they are close enough for a dramatic reveal," I thought to DABVAT-R.
"Of course Master," he replied in my head and I could practically feel the drone rolling his metaphorical eyes at me. Why did I end up with a sidekick that was ninety percent snark? R2-D2 would have been way better.
I waited in tense silence, trying to control my breathing and not have a panic attack. Honestly I would have settled for beating up some drug dealers and running from capes for a while since the random nature of my powers can make me completely overpowered or next to useless in a cape fight. Until I'd had more experience I'd been planning on staying far away from any villain capes, especially the terrifyingly powerful ones like Lung. Well, I might have been scared enough to crap my pants but I wanted to be a hero and stepping up and batting out of your weight class to save innocent helpless children is sort of like the first thing in the hero guidebook. I couldn't call myself a hero is I wasn't willing to do this.
I crouched behind a dumpster as I waited for the signal. It didn't take long for me to hear voices in various Asian languages.
"If you insist on going through this foolishness Master you should reveal yourself… now," DABVAT-R said.
Trying not to lose control of my bowels I stood up and walked stiffly out of the alley trying my best to look confident… and was pretty sure I failed pretty spectacularly. I didn't want look scared but I was pretty sure my body shaking like a leaf was clear for everyone to see. As I stepped out onto the street I tried my best to level an intimidating gaze at the gangsters like I had seen Armsmaster do on TV. However instead of stepping back in fear the gangsters just stopped, their eyes wary of the obvious cape but raising their eyebrows as if they couldn't quite believe what they were seeing.
I'll admit I didn't cut an impressive figure and it didn't help that I'd put together my costume on a budget. I wore a green tracksuit that was a little bit too baggy on me along with white opera gloves and white boots I had found at a flea market. Finishing off my ensemble was my favorite part of the suit, a thick cloth mantle, red on the inside and green on the outside that I'd managed to snag on the cheap from some renaissance fair enthusiasts. A cape would have been better but you take what you can get. To hide my identity I'd chosen to wear a green domino mask I'd found at a party store. My costume was a little crude, maybe, but at least anyone who saw me would instantly think "hero".
I stopped in the middle of the street and faced the gathered gangsters placing my hands dramatically on my hips. The first part of my plan called for me offering them a chance to surrender but stranding out in the middle of the street it suddenly didn't seem like such a great idea. Still that was only the first part of my plan.
"Stop!" I said dramatically, then want to kick myself because duh they were already stopped, "I will not allow you to proceed any further. The children of Brockton Bay are under my protection. Turn around and go home. I already called the Protectorate and they will be here in minutes to stop your nefarious plot. Leave now unless you really really want to go to prison" I said in a loud voice. If it broke a little I'm going to say it was rage dragon and first time jitters at play.
So I was improvising a bit. At first I was going to tell them to surrender but it didn't seem like such a good idea once I was in front of them. Also I hadn't called the Protectorate… I didn't have a cell phone. Something I'd have to fix. What I was doing seemed a lot less heroic than what I had planned but if I needed to fib the truth a little I guessed I could do it.
A deep, ominous chuckle came from the back of the assembled mob, a chuckle that sounded suspiciously like the laugh of Jabba the Hutt. The crowd parted and a six and a half foot tall Asian man I'd somehow missed walked to the front of his men. He was barefoot, shirtless and had intricate tattoos on every visible surface of his body. On his face was a silver mask that looked like something in between a dragon and a demon. His intimidating presence made me want to shrink back and run away. This was Lung, the leader of the ABB and all around badass mother-f**cker.
"I can hear your heart and I can smell your fear little hero," he said, his accented voice reverberating in that mask of his, "I can tell you are lying. My way superior senses do not lie. There is no Protectorate coming and you are all alone. Bet you feel pretty stupid now don't you?"
Uh, yeah. Now that he mentioned it I really really did.
Lung made some sort of signal with his hand and the gangsters broke out into choreographed mocking laughter. I fumed at that. How dare they! I got enough of that kind of crap at school! I might take abuse from bratty teenaged girls but I'd be damned if I was going to tolerate hardened criminals putting me down! No-sir-ee!
"I would have your name hero… before I break you!" said Lung. Did his voice just take on a bad Russian accent there at the end? Well whatever.
"I… don't have one yet. Not t-that I need one to deal with the likes of you!"
Somehow even with the mask on Lung managed to look disgusted. He shook his head. "If you don't have a name how do I add you my CAPES I HAVE TOTALLY PWNED list? This is a real problem."
"You have a list?" I blurted out.
Lung proudly displayed the side of his enormous muscular arm. By the light of a street lamp I could see the words CAPES I HAVE TOTALLY PWNED tattooed at the top of his shoulder and then a list of names going down almost to his wrist. I swallowed. That wasn't scary or ominous at all.
"Well," he said with a resigned air, "if you don't survive to take a name I guess putting you down as 'Unnamed Cape' will have to do."
I wanted to say something dramatic like, 'you'll never defeat justice' or 'you cannot win Lung' but really that list was intimidating. Still I had a job I had set out for myself. It was too late to back out now.
The first plan of my plan had been a bust but I hadn't really expected it to work. Now came part two: intimidation. I just hoped I got something good and tonight didn't end up with me as a gross sticky stain across the sidewalk.
Gathering up as much fake confidence as I could I threw out an arm dramatically. "I will show you that you can never escape righteousness for long! DABVAT, do it now!" I shouted.
"Yes Master," the drone said in my head before briefly becoming visible and latching on to my arm. For maximum effect I threw my arms out and spread my legs like the vitruvian man.
My body started glowing white quickly growing brighter and brighter. Pretty soon I was shining with blinding light like my body was made of burning magnesium. The gangsters and even Lung backed away covering their eyes from the spectacle of my transformation. I felt it as my body grew, my limbs becoming longer and more muscled, my torso changing from a skinny kid to a form that was bigger and stronger. As quickly as it began the transformation ended with an explosion of light.
When the ABB members turned back to look blinking lights out of their eyes I could see many of their jaws drops. I figured they must be familiar with the form I had taken then.
I knew what I looked like without even having to look. A white beat up sleeveless karate Gi covered my body tied closed with a worn black belt. I was now six feet tall and while very muscular my body didn't have an ounce of fat on it. Light red sparring gloves covered my hands and a red strip of cloth was tied around my forehead, it's tails flapping dramatically in the wind (which had not been there earlier).
TRANSMUTATION COMPLETE
Assumed form 0017 confirmed: Ryu (Street Fighter)
Power Potential: Variable
Information about my assumed form flooded into my head and all I could think was… fuck.
I'm supposed to take out a villain that had taken on the whole Brockton Bay Protectorate and won. I was supposed to fight someone like that as some karate guy?!
"Oh good," chirped DABVAT-R in my head, "this form could do very well."
"Good? GOOD? How is turning into a vanilla human GOOD in this situation?" I shouted at DABVAT-R in my head.
"You are far more than just a 'vanilla human' in that form. If you stop panicking and actually synchronize with your assumed form you will know what I mean," he replied managing to sound only a little bit condescending.
Luckily for me I had a few moments to sort myself out. To the last man the ABB gangmembers were gawking at me openly. Some of them even had tears in their eyes. Not sure what that was about. Maybe this Ryu guy and that Street Fighter thing were really famous or something? Well whatever. As long as it bought me a few moments.
I sunk into 'Ryu', mentally becoming a Taylor/Ryu hybrid. Full unshakable confidence that I could and would win any fight filled me up from the inside. I made a tight fist and held it in front of me. A small smile curled my lips. Yes. No amount of mooks could stop me. No matter what I would find a way to achieve victory.
It was time.
"What are you waiting for!?" yelled Lung, the first one to snap out of it, "pull out your guns and shoot her! – him, -her! That crossdressing Hentai!"
The ABB members might have been in awe of me but they were more afraid of Lung. Clumsily about half of them drew an assortment of pistols and aimed them at me. I couldn't help but smirk.
No matter how many guns they had between them it wouldn't do them any good. At all. Everyone knows that if your Martial Arts level is high enough guns become completely useless against you.
"OPEN FIRE!" said Lung as he melted into the background.
The ABB members opened fire in a hail of hot lead and I charged straight into them, my speed and Martial Arts mastery somehow making every bullet miss by a mile. I grinned as I charged straight into the pack of gathered ABB mooks.
"Tatsumaki Senpukyaku!"
Right before I reached them I jumped three feet in the air. Sticking one leg out and holding the other straight down I began to spin like a tornado while moving forward perpendicular to the ground… without falling. Physics had nothing on Shotokan Karate. I tore into the main body of mooks sending each of them flying for over ten feet when they came in contact with my spinning foot. Some ABB thugs tried to run but my perpendicular spinning chased after them breaking bones and sending them flying from even the briefest of contacts. After about five seconds the technique died down leaving only about half the ABB mooks left standing.
Before they could mount an offensive I leapt towards the closet one, jumping over ten feet in the air and doing a forward flip before coming down with a vicious kick to the head. Somehow that seemed to set the rest of the gangsters off. As one they charged me, having discarded their useless guns in favor of the more dangerous knives and tire irons.
I flowed through them with equal parts grace and power, decades of the highest level training allowing me to take on the clumsy charge of the gangsters with little difficulty. Really the only challenge was the lack of space because of the press of bodies. The less said about that scuffle the better. Sufficed to say they all needed remedial lessons in self defense.
When I dropped the last mook with a chop to the back of the neck I turned and faced my true opponent for the day: Lung. He stood with his massive arms crossed watching me impassively behind his silver mask.
"Impressive. Maybe you will be some small challenge to me Hentai."
Recognizing Lung as a true challenger I got into a real fighting stance. Lung stood twenty feet from me. As we started each other down I had only one thing to say.
"I am no Hentai."
With that I charged with an explosion of motion. I jumped in with a hard punch which Lung was barely able to dodge. Off balance I kicked out with a leg sweep taking out his legs from under him. Lung hit the ground hard but quickly rolled away from me coming to his feet with liquid ease. To my dread I could already see scales starting to form on his arms.
"You are quick and skilled. But that will not help you survive the wrath of a dragon," he said. Both his hands ignited in orange flames. He stood there for a moment and the flames in his hands seemed to grow and grow until they were the size of basketballs.
"Now burn!" he yelled throwing the balls of fire at me.
I sidestepped one and rolled under the other coming to my feet barely a yard away from him. I thought I saw surprise in his eyes before my fist crashed into his sternum with the strength of a sledgehammer.
Knowing I had to take him down quick I unleashed the full fury of Shotokan Karate on him. Lung was strong but he wasn't as fast nor nearly as skilled as I was. I punched and kicked him in the head and torso viciously, pounding on him over and over. DABVAT might have said something about a combo score but I wasn't really paying attention. To my growing frustration the more I pounded on Lung the more he seemed to grow and the more scales appeared all over his body. I could tell my hits were doing real damage but it was starting to heal almost as fast as I could inflict it.
"Enough!" yelled Lung as unexpectedly his whole body exploded outwards in fire.
My instincts and honed battle sense saved me. I back flipped out of range of his self-explosion just in time to avoid getting incinerated. As I looked back at him I could tell his strategy had changed. His whole body was covered in hungry licking flames that didn't seem to be dissipating and worse they didn't seem to hurt him one bit. I frowned. There was no way I could get close to him like that. With only a microsecond to process it I knew what I had to do next.
Cupping my hands in front of me I deliberately brought them back to my hip and twisted my body away from Lung. He began to charge at me but the whole world around me seemed to slow to a crawl. Blue Ki gathered in my hands and a ball of bright blue ignited in between them. Power vibrated in my hands and I fought to contain it and give it form.
I waited until Lung was only a few feet away before unleashing my attack.
"Hadokeeeeeen!" I said thrusting my palms forward into his chest.
A blinding ball of blue Ki energy shot from my hands as the outward manifestation of my discipline and warrior's spirit. Lung's eyes widened as the energy took him in the chest blasting him backwards over thirty feet and sending him through the wall of a brick building. The Hadoken was an attack that could fell even the likes of Ken and Sagat in one blow. It was Ryu's strongest attack.
Nervousness began to eat at me as I started to suspect such an attack would not be enough against Lung. Thankfully the feeling of absolute confidence didn't leave me but Taylor/Ryu started to realize it was going to take some major creativity and luck to be able to take out Lung. My warrior's intuition was telling me that Lung was not yet beaten even after putting him through a wall.
I was proven correct as moments later Lung stepped out from the ruined building. He had grown now to over nine feet tall and was completely covered in armor-like scales. His mask had fallen off and now his face a nightmarish mix of human and something that might have looked like a dragon if you squinted really hard and turned your head sideways. The ABB leader now looked like an honest to god invincible monster. Insanely enough that only elevated Ryu's fighting spirit even further.
"Meezzaa kuuuiill gooooo!" said Lung pointing a sharp pointed talon at me.
"Bring it," I said.
00000
Five minutes later
I lay on the ground, bruised, battered and broken. I'd been stupid to think I could take on Lung as some fancy trumped up martial artist. Sinking into 'Ryu' turned out to have some unfortunate side effects, one of them being that I was so full of stupid Martial Arts pride that I had absolutely refused to give up or run away even when it was clear I couldn't win. Now I had two broken arms, two broken legs and a broken hip along with something else that was probably broken since my vision was slowly fading to black. Staying to slug it out with Lung had not been the smartest decision I ever made.
Lung stood over me, arms crossed, as he slowly shrank back to a more human size.
"You challenged the power that is Lung," he said to me, "and you failed. You can't say that you are surprised. Still, you are a strong warrior and fought honorably. For that I will not kill you."
"Too bad you are quickly dying from a massive bleed in your brain," chirped DABVAT-R in my head, "you'll probably lose consciousness in another twenty seconds."
"Why are you sounding so chipper?" I thought to my evil heartless drone in despair, "I thought you were on my side?"
"Oh but I am. You see I've got these fluffy down feathers but I've never had the opportunity to try them out before. This here is a jolly good opportunity I say," he said cheerfully.
"Hey," growled Lung at me, "I just complimented you. Its proper etiquette that you compliment me back on how awesome and powerful I am."
"DABVAT… I should melt you for scrap metal…" I thought as my consciousness faded to black.
Next thing I know an orange-yellow feather is melting into my chest. Somehow I feel instantly healed, if still bruised black and blue. Lung is still standing above me gloating. I feel a bright hot anger begin to burn inside me. He's just a big bully! Just like at school. Standing over me and gloating as he steals my books or covers me in juice.
Well no more.
Without any conscious command on my part my body lashes out on its own.
"Shoryuken!"
My legs propel my body upwards at incredible speed, my fist catching Lung under the chin. For some reason I can't explain in my mind's eye I see the blow repeated three times, from three different angles, all in slow motion. My jump carries me ten feet in the air and Lung flies backwards twice as far from the strength of my blow. I land without trouble on the ground and take up my karate stance once again.
"Oh it worked, it worked!" DABVAT said enthusiastically in my head.
"You and I are going to have words when this is over," I growled at him.
I stood there as I watched Lung gingerly pick himself off the street rubbing his jaw. He had shrunk to a mere seven feet tall now but it's not like that really made a difference. There was no way I could beat him. No matter how much of a badass he was there is no way Ryu from Street Fighter could beat up Lung.
Then I remembered something DABVAT had said.
"Hey, why did you say this form could do very well earlier? Because let me tell you it sure doesn't feel that way."
"Oh that. Well there are different version of Ryu you see. You are currently the Street Fighter II version. There are other Ryu incarnations that could be much more useful."
"What? And I can use them? Why didn't you tell me this before?"
"Coming near death is a prerequisite for a power-up. Besides you never asked."
Just as I was getting ready to say something about the ridiculousness and stupidity of what he had just said Lung roared. He started charging me once again covered from head to toe in flames too hot to touch.
"How do I power up? I kind of need it right now!"
"Just ask me to upgrade you to a stronger version of Ryu."
"Yes yes upgrade me to the strongest one! Upgrade me NOW!"
"Acknowledged Master," he said.
This time the physical changes were more subtle. I briefly glowed white before coming out looking like an almost identical Ryu. But I felt different. I-I was still a Marital Artist but not just a Martial Artist. Somehow I knew that even though I was still just a plain vanilla human I was strong enough to defeat invincible space cyborgs, gods, demons and even mild mannered lawyers. It didn't make sense, at all, but when did my power ever make sense? I grinned.
UPGRADE COMPLETE
Ryu (Street Fighter)
Version: Marvel vs Capcom 3
Power Potential: Near Infinite
The world seemed to slow down. Lung charged me and it seemed like I had all the time in the world. Suddenly I wasn't the least bit afraid. When you knew you could fight evenly with Dormammu and Thor, what great terror could you possibly have for Lung?
As he approached I cupped my hands by my waist and turned my body away. The power that I gathered in my hands now was nothing like before, it felt like I could grasp enough power to punch a hole in the moon if the situation was dire enough. The whole street lit up in a blue glow as I concentrated power in one spot between my palms.
"Dwiieeee!" howled Lung. He never got closer than ten feet.
"SHINKU HADOOOOOOOKKEEN!!!!!"
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- Location
- Texas
Taylor will be limited to only video game or anime characters. They must also in some way shape or form be considered "badass", hence the Badass Shard.
She should just transform into Goku and amp up. Bye bye Scion.
- Location
- Texas
Problem is she had no control who she changes into. It's pretty much random. So she could become Goku or Solid Snake.. both badasses but not really on the same level
Daemir
Perpetually Unimpressed
- Location
- The Canadian Headquarters of Unmitageted Madness
Well this looks like a glorious clusterfuck of hilarity, homages, hedonism, heroism and beat-downs.
Are we going to see a Ranma!Taylor at anytime? I can see Tattletale rendering herself unconscious rather than attempt to read Ranmas history.
Are we going to see a Ranma!Taylor at anytime? I can see Tattletale rendering herself unconscious rather than attempt to read Ranmas history.
We'll to beat scion taytay only needs to roll kratos.
She'd have to come near death 24 times though. And that's before we get into the "have to stand and charge" problem.
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Only if she's kid goku. By the frieza saga even Base goku would be among toppest of tiers XD
that said, i look forward to WHITEBEARD
- Pronouns
- He/Him
meh, i want to see Whitebeard give Leviathan a noogie
WhereTheWind
Entity of Procrastination
- Location
- Surrey, England. 5 other countries before that.
*Turns into Skitter*
Alright, calling it now. Dante from Devil May Cry. Bayonetta perhaps?
Didn't the author say that video game characters were going to be Taylor's choices?
Didn't the author say that video game characters were going to be Taylor's choices?
- Location
- Singapore
Probably turns into the "First Day Out" Skitter. Would need major near-deaths, loss of limbs, mind and verbal ability to Level Up to Khepri level Skitter*Turns into Skitter*
Daemir
Perpetually Unimpressed
- Location
- The Canadian Headquarters of Unmitageted Madness
Yup. Just scroll up a bit mate.
