The Adventures of Wizard the wizard, in the profession of Wizarding.
I make no promises that...
I make no promises that...
The Multi-verse lacks Eggs. Also, lots of Wizard-ing. [Magicka/BtVS SI]
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Nero200
High Priest of Eito, Part Time Nyar.
The Adventures of Wizard the wizard, in the profession of Wizarding.
I make no promises that this will be updated anywhere close to regularly, inspiration comes in bursts and I don't know Buffy that well.
Will probably end up including Snips of Wizard the wizard in other settings, questing for baking ingredients.
I still accept none of the blame.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
1: Abduction, Lightning, Musings of Eggs
2: Wizards have laissez-faire leadership styles
3: Complaints, Explanations, Creepy Vampires.
4: Heresy, Showers and Pancakes
SpaceBattles Edition
I make no promises that this will be updated anywhere close to regularly, inspiration comes in bursts and I don't know Buffy that well.
Will probably end up including Snips of Wizard the wizard in other settings, questing for baking ingredients.
I still accept none of the blame.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
1: Abduction, Lightning, Musings of Eggs
2: Wizards have laissez-faire leadership styles
3: Complaints, Explanations, Creepy Vampires.
4: Heresy, Showers and Pancakes
SpaceBattles Edition
Last edited:
Buffy 1: Abduction, Lightning, Musings of Eggs
Nero200
High Priest of Eito, Part Time Nyar.
Magicka / Buffy the Vampire Slayer - SI
-
1: Abduction, Lightning, Musings of Eggs.
-
@Ars Poetica inspired take. Yes, that Poe.
Setting mostly inspired by @Sir Rabby 's Buffy SI.
@Mizuki_Stone can be partially blamed for the Wizard-ness, something in one of his SI's inspired this plot bunny.
-
"Arcane, Arcane, Arcane, FIRE!" The mumbled stream of words is ended in an exclamation of beautiful flame, a brilliant red beam of concentrated arcane energy mixed with heat tears through the so called champion's block as the summoned orbs convert into a powerful spell.
I drop the beam as she staggers back and stack Water and Cold over each other four times in a row before slamming a Shield on top and binding it to myself. Physical armor seems like it will be more effective against the berserker of a girl, and this stuff was tested against military standard assault rifles.
A suit of razor sharp ice envelops me, her punch barely managing to pause mere inches before it would have mangled itself. Ha! Try and abuse the squishy wizard now you psycho!
The armor would hold until it was broken without input from me, so I spin up a trio of etheric orbs before twisting them together in a pattern I have quickly fallen in love with.
"Haste!" The speed Magicka slams into place and I move.
Afterimages follow my magically boosted body as I try and skewer her on the pointy end of my stolen sword.
Slayer reflexes let her weave through the clumsy jabs before she smashes it from my grip with a roundhouse kick.
Right. Demon-spirit-thingie boosts her physical strength and combat instincts.
Why the fuck am I fighting her in close quarters again? Hell, why am I fighting her at all?
Fire stacks onto Lightning twice before I cap it with an Arcane and let it loose in a sphere to make space.
Chancing a glance around the library reminds me of the answer to my naive question.
Because she abducted me in the middle of the Mab damned street!
"I just wanted to buy eggs, is that too much to ask?!"
A barrage of punches that shatter my winter forged armor and send me staggering with bruised ribs seem to be trying to answer a resolute 'No'.
Allow me to offer a rebuttal.
Earth, Arcane, Earth, Arcane, FirE, FIRE!
I can only charge it for half a second before she is only a few feet from me, then a meteor in magical miniature slams her into a wall with a snapping sound that reminds me of twigs breaking.
Here's to hoping that was the sound of ribs breaking!
Steam meets Lightning before I pin her to the ground with a spray of plasma like mist, her body spasming against the carpet of the book housing building.
Usually, this level of brutality would be distasteful to me.
You know, if it hadn't been for the abduction, the attitude, and the sense of smug superiority from her, I probably would have just killed her and been done with it for the night. Rez her the next day after she had some time to think it over and I had a nap.
Maybe that seems extreme, but when you can bring people back killing them seems a lot less heavy on the conscious. Lightning and Life, only a pair of elements to do it.
The tackle that breaks my spell sends me tumbling to the ground, attempting to block the angry punches that seek to harm the squishiness that is me.
An AoE release with no elements prepared tears the young man from me and into the air, a follow up blast of force tossing him at the rising Slayer.
I take the momentary reprieve of them trying to untangle themselves from each other to fix myself up.
Two quick Life's flare into my bruised flesh before a Shield wraps around me as I angle my feet, summoning a pair of Lightning's in preparation for some multi-target action, my finger twitching to hit the mental key.
Fully healed, defenses up, and the start of a spell running. Fresh as a daisy. If daisy's were walking miniature apocalypsies.
I tender a question, since they still haven't managed to pull themselves together.
"Why do things keep attacking me?"
Neither of the pair answer, and the rest of the recently arrived motley crew, a middle aged brit and a teen girl don't look inclined to answer me either.
"...Is it the robes? They're comfy damn it!"
Their looks turn a little less hostile and a lot more confused.
"I am a Wizard. Professional wizard..er. Yes. That. Lots of wizard-ing."
This doesn't seem to be helping.
"Anyway! Robes are practically formal wear, so stop discriminating you philistines!"
I had taken the time they were spending gaping to move away from the slowly spreading fire behind the Slayer and towards the window of the library.
Speaking of the Slayer, she seems to be ready to charge again. I know I heard ribs break, that is either broken regeneration or bullheadedness. Probably bullheadedness.
"Right, I can see the crispy one isn't going to listen to reason, so I will be going."
The hand behind my back finishes the mnemonic gestures as twin Lightning orbs separated by an Arcane spiral around my wrist.
"What the fuck are you-"
"Teleport" I don't technically need line of sight, but after the last time I ended up in a wall…
Yeah. Don't try that one at home kiddies.
I brush myself off as the Magick's flash leaves me standing on the street.
"Now, those bloody eggs."
-
1: Abduction, Lightning, Musings of Eggs.
-
@Ars Poetica inspired take. Yes, that Poe.
Setting mostly inspired by @Sir Rabby 's Buffy SI.
@Mizuki_Stone can be partially blamed for the Wizard-ness, something in one of his SI's inspired this plot bunny.
-
"Arcane, Arcane, Arcane, FIRE!" The mumbled stream of words is ended in an exclamation of beautiful flame, a brilliant red beam of concentrated arcane energy mixed with heat tears through the so called champion's block as the summoned orbs convert into a powerful spell.
I drop the beam as she staggers back and stack Water and Cold over each other four times in a row before slamming a Shield on top and binding it to myself. Physical armor seems like it will be more effective against the berserker of a girl, and this stuff was tested against military standard assault rifles.
A suit of razor sharp ice envelops me, her punch barely managing to pause mere inches before it would have mangled itself. Ha! Try and abuse the squishy wizard now you psycho!
The armor would hold until it was broken without input from me, so I spin up a trio of etheric orbs before twisting them together in a pattern I have quickly fallen in love with.
"Haste!" The speed Magicka slams into place and I move.
Afterimages follow my magically boosted body as I try and skewer her on the pointy end of my stolen sword.
Slayer reflexes let her weave through the clumsy jabs before she smashes it from my grip with a roundhouse kick.
Right. Demon-spirit-thingie boosts her physical strength and combat instincts.
Why the fuck am I fighting her in close quarters again? Hell, why am I fighting her at all?
Fire stacks onto Lightning twice before I cap it with an Arcane and let it loose in a sphere to make space.
Chancing a glance around the library reminds me of the answer to my naive question.
Because she abducted me in the middle of the Mab damned street!
"I just wanted to buy eggs, is that too much to ask?!"
A barrage of punches that shatter my winter forged armor and send me staggering with bruised ribs seem to be trying to answer a resolute 'No'.
Allow me to offer a rebuttal.
Earth, Arcane, Earth, Arcane, FirE, FIRE!
I can only charge it for half a second before she is only a few feet from me, then a meteor in magical miniature slams her into a wall with a snapping sound that reminds me of twigs breaking.
Here's to hoping that was the sound of ribs breaking!
Steam meets Lightning before I pin her to the ground with a spray of plasma like mist, her body spasming against the carpet of the book housing building.
Usually, this level of brutality would be distasteful to me.
You know, if it hadn't been for the abduction, the attitude, and the sense of smug superiority from her, I probably would have just killed her and been done with it for the night. Rez her the next day after she had some time to think it over and I had a nap.
Maybe that seems extreme, but when you can bring people back killing them seems a lot less heavy on the conscious. Lightning and Life, only a pair of elements to do it.
The tackle that breaks my spell sends me tumbling to the ground, attempting to block the angry punches that seek to harm the squishiness that is me.
An AoE release with no elements prepared tears the young man from me and into the air, a follow up blast of force tossing him at the rising Slayer.
I take the momentary reprieve of them trying to untangle themselves from each other to fix myself up.
Two quick Life's flare into my bruised flesh before a Shield wraps around me as I angle my feet, summoning a pair of Lightning's in preparation for some multi-target action, my finger twitching to hit the mental key.
Fully healed, defenses up, and the start of a spell running. Fresh as a daisy. If daisy's were walking miniature apocalypsies.
I tender a question, since they still haven't managed to pull themselves together.
"Why do things keep attacking me?"
Neither of the pair answer, and the rest of the recently arrived motley crew, a middle aged brit and a teen girl don't look inclined to answer me either.
"...Is it the robes? They're comfy damn it!"
Their looks turn a little less hostile and a lot more confused.
"I am a Wizard. Professional wizard..er. Yes. That. Lots of wizard-ing."
This doesn't seem to be helping.
"Anyway! Robes are practically formal wear, so stop discriminating you philistines!"
I had taken the time they were spending gaping to move away from the slowly spreading fire behind the Slayer and towards the window of the library.
Speaking of the Slayer, she seems to be ready to charge again. I know I heard ribs break, that is either broken regeneration or bullheadedness. Probably bullheadedness.
"Right, I can see the crispy one isn't going to listen to reason, so I will be going."
The hand behind my back finishes the mnemonic gestures as twin Lightning orbs separated by an Arcane spiral around my wrist.
"What the fuck are you-"
"Teleport" I don't technically need line of sight, but after the last time I ended up in a wall…
Yeah. Don't try that one at home kiddies.
I brush myself off as the Magick's flash leaves me standing on the street.
"Now, those bloody eggs."
Buffy 2: Wizards have laissez-faire leadership styles
Nero200
High Priest of Eito, Part Time Nyar.
Magicka / Buffy the Vampire Slayer - SI
-
2: Wizards have laissez-faire leadership styles
-
There is not a single shop open in this entire damn town.
I know there are vampires and demons and what not, but really? Not one 24 hour shop?
Hell, I have found two that say they are, but are closed. Lies I say. False advertising too. I guess those are the same thing.
Bah.
I turned to head back to the motel, waving the Fire elemental that was serving as the most effective torch ever over as I did. Was nearly impossible to read the opening times before I called him up.
Hmmm, he looks a little low on power.
Fire, Fire, Shield
There we go! He can dance in the wall of fire for a bit, then we can head back.
...He's actually dancing. The fuck? Elementals don't dance. I think.
I walk a little closer before seeing what the problem is. A vampire seems have angered him. Not dancing then, fighting.
Agile little moving corpse, thats been what? Half a minute of dodging?
Still lost his hands when he tried to punch it, but thats not my fault, he's the idiot that assaulted a eight foot tall being made of fire.
And now the fanged thing is running. Should I blast him? A single Lightning spins around me as I consider it. Damn it, I'll need to add an Arcane if he gets much further away. Could just chain it off my buddy I guess?
Anyhow! Moral-y ethics thingie is occurring.
On one hand, a vampire taught me magic.
On the other, that guy was pretty insistent on him not being a vampire.
I watch the vampire lead my amazing torch into a graveyard, walking after the pair slowly as I debated whether or not I owe vampires on the whole anything.
Do they even count as the same? These ones are… demons? Something like that?
"Hey! Hey! Stop that!" Bastard led ole flamey into a trap and about a dozen vampires just ganked the ever loving life out of him. It's like Dota all over again.
"All he wanted to do was hug you!" It's not his fault he was made out of fire. That was my fault. And the sun's for buggering off at night, I am not so arrogant as to steal the sun's thunder… err... sunshine? Sure, lets go with that. Or rather, I shan't. Go with it that is.
Anyway!
Fuckers killed my torch, and it took me five minutes of trying to remember the combo for him.
That pretty solidly puts them on the side of 'kill 'em and take their cheese' rather than 'probably rez if you wing them'.
The fact that these vampires are charging at me reminds me that no one recognizes the basics here. Red light means stop, goblins are assholes, mooses are always dead, and don't interrupt a Wizard when he is wizarding.
Another two Lightning's spark into the air around me, joining their little brother.
My face splits in a gleeful grin. Excellent. New guys are always fun.
"Chain Lightning!"
A horizontal bolt of tamed lightning, 'Thor's Pimp hand' as we informally refer to it, slams from my outstretched hand into the closest of the blood suckers, instantly chaining into his buddy slightly behind him, continuing on to crash into each of them in a blaze of purple power and shadowy bones.
I laugh out loud as they stabilize their smoking selves, game faces on. Tanky little bastards aren't they?
The time is not wasted as I chuckle, summoning up a single Earth before filling the rest of my capacity with Water before clicking my heel into the ground with a cough.
The concrete cracks for two dozen feet in a circle, arcs of moisture bursting free as the vampires hit the shattered and groaning terrain.
A Fire-Life duo burns through me, painfully dry cleaning my clothes before I max out on Lightning and let it loose from my fingertips at the soaked forms with a cackle.
"Scream for me you asshats!" Call me the Emperor, because this magic trick is rather amazing.
The eight twitching corpses on the ground yell before bursting into ash as the other five watch.
Shaking my hands off, I smile at them, feeling the rush as I giggled.
"Come on, aren't you lot next?"
Fast.
Vampires are fast.
I am also fast. But that is less due to me, and more to do with the fist that plowed me into the wall across the street at what felt like mach 2. Too damn fast in other words.
"Idiot mortal, you should have ran." Tall fucking vampire, front and center, waxing philosophically. Okay, probably not philosophically, but my head recently had a rather intimate meeting with a brick wall, cut the purple prose some slack.
I coughed, blood marring my lips before five consecutively burned Life's dealt with the damage and leave me ready for another round.
"Idiot vampire, you let a wizard talk~"
To clarify. I am on the ground. He is standing above me. Therefore, he possesses what we in the wizarding business refer to as a higher 'elevation' than myself. That is a bad place to be, relative to a Wizard.
Fire and Water make Steam then oh god! LightningArcaneLightning, I panickedly tap the mnemonic into the dusty ground as the fist sails towards me, before triggering the Magick in a voice that I can't deny was a bit shrill.
"Lightning Bolt!"
And watch the cocky corpse explode into ash with enough force to slam my raised head back into the ground. Ouchies.
The afterimage of Thor's middle finger leaves me blind, the thunder crack deafening my ears as well which really isn't favorable, what with the… four? Yeah, four. Vampires about to try and grab a bite to eat.
So, Earth, Earth, Shield, Earth, Life. I can feel the orbs circling, a miscast on the life but it shouldn't matter, before I floor them into the gravel.
"Ae Oh Ee!"
I can barely hear my own voice, so I make like a soldier and suck on some nourishing gravel to heal.
Since I can now hear the "Ouf!" of vampires hitting off the defensive circle of rock, I may have to start giving those modern shooters some more credit.
Gravel, one of your five a day! Also, spamming Life like a white mage on steroids. That might deserve a little of the credit here.
I sit up, looking at the rock formation towering around me.
Nullify might be a quicker way to drop it, but there is something to be said for tunneling your way out of one of these things.
A pair of Water, a duo of Fire, and the teleport macro later, my hand is the beam-projector that will pierce the heavens!
...I may be a little high on adrenaline, but even I know that was bad.
The arcane beam of super heated plasma tears through the closest pillar, it bursting apart in a blast of green that tastes like apples. And healing.
The vampire that had been staggers on it screams as pure Life rips against the necromantic energies. He then stops screaming because he seems to be healing.
...Fucking necro-types. I drop the beam I had been feeding him and recast it, swapping Arcane for Life.
This time he dies screaming, as is the good and proper way of the world.
I summon up five Ice via the time honored method of threading Water and Cold, dumping it into a spell in my palm to charge as I glance around.
Ah! Target!
One of the only two left actually, I guess the other guy ran away. Or the rocks got him. Damn railroading GM's, you never know when they will strike… My sense of humor might still be a little off.
I am about to release the barrage of cool and spiky death when my chosen pincushion is crushed under a new falling arrival, dusting as the new guy destroys his attempt at a block.
Huh. Credit where credit is due, that's more original than rocks falling.
I spin on my heel and unleash the fully charged Ice into the other remaining vampire, tearing him to dust as his attempts to get closer just guarantees more projectiles hit. Maybe he was trying to Touhou?
Meh, either way, thats that.
I brush off my fancy robes and flicker a pair of Life's into existence as I approach my new minion. That sort of moxie means recruitment time.
"Yo." What!? I have a laissez-faire leadership style. Hrmp.
"...Hello?" That sounds more like a question than a greeting and my sweet Lady Maeve this is a tall guy. Like, I'm tall, but this guy made me feel short.
The twin orbs of green spiral around my offered hand. "You need a heal? These buggers leave a mark." Only right to offer, Life Life is easier than Life Lightning as they always say, even if now that I have a good view of his face I have the sneaking suspicion that I know how he is. Wonder if healing him would work if it is.
"No, he didn't hit me." Gruff tone and loner type, yeah, I know who this is. Now, has he visited the crew yet today? Going by the lack of game face, I'm gonna guess no.
I did electrocute his girlfriend after all.
Plus side, he has a mansion. That place has gotta have eggs. Just got to remember not to bring up the vampire thing, Vlad always looked like he was going to cry when I brought that up.
"Hey, Angel, you wouldn't happen to know where I could find some eggs would you?" As I finish sorting out my robes after sinking the Life's into the cuff of my robe, I realize something rather depressing. The bag of sugar tore when I fell.
I turn the pocket out and watch it pour onto the ground with a sad face before torching the useless bag with a Fire. That adds another ingredient to the shopping list.
"Sugar too? Hmmm, that seems incredibly old fashioned, 'Can I borrow a cup of sugar?' eh, eh?" Poke the vampire. This one doesn't have magic and therefore can not burn me.
The look he is giving me is A+ standard goon face.
He shall make an excellent minion.
-
2: Wizards have laissez-faire leadership styles
-
There is not a single shop open in this entire damn town.
I know there are vampires and demons and what not, but really? Not one 24 hour shop?
Hell, I have found two that say they are, but are closed. Lies I say. False advertising too. I guess those are the same thing.
Bah.
I turned to head back to the motel, waving the Fire elemental that was serving as the most effective torch ever over as I did. Was nearly impossible to read the opening times before I called him up.
Hmmm, he looks a little low on power.
Fire, Fire, Shield
There we go! He can dance in the wall of fire for a bit, then we can head back.
...He's actually dancing. The fuck? Elementals don't dance. I think.
I walk a little closer before seeing what the problem is. A vampire seems have angered him. Not dancing then, fighting.
Agile little moving corpse, thats been what? Half a minute of dodging?
Still lost his hands when he tried to punch it, but thats not my fault, he's the idiot that assaulted a eight foot tall being made of fire.
And now the fanged thing is running. Should I blast him? A single Lightning spins around me as I consider it. Damn it, I'll need to add an Arcane if he gets much further away. Could just chain it off my buddy I guess?
Anyhow! Moral-y ethics thingie is occurring.
On one hand, a vampire taught me magic.
On the other, that guy was pretty insistent on him not being a vampire.
I watch the vampire lead my amazing torch into a graveyard, walking after the pair slowly as I debated whether or not I owe vampires on the whole anything.
Do they even count as the same? These ones are… demons? Something like that?
"Hey! Hey! Stop that!" Bastard led ole flamey into a trap and about a dozen vampires just ganked the ever loving life out of him. It's like Dota all over again.
"All he wanted to do was hug you!" It's not his fault he was made out of fire. That was my fault. And the sun's for buggering off at night, I am not so arrogant as to steal the sun's thunder… err... sunshine? Sure, lets go with that. Or rather, I shan't. Go with it that is.
Anyway!
Fuckers killed my torch, and it took me five minutes of trying to remember the combo for him.
That pretty solidly puts them on the side of 'kill 'em and take their cheese' rather than 'probably rez if you wing them'.
The fact that these vampires are charging at me reminds me that no one recognizes the basics here. Red light means stop, goblins are assholes, mooses are always dead, and don't interrupt a Wizard when he is wizarding.
Another two Lightning's spark into the air around me, joining their little brother.
My face splits in a gleeful grin. Excellent. New guys are always fun.
"Chain Lightning!"
A horizontal bolt of tamed lightning, 'Thor's Pimp hand' as we informally refer to it, slams from my outstretched hand into the closest of the blood suckers, instantly chaining into his buddy slightly behind him, continuing on to crash into each of them in a blaze of purple power and shadowy bones.
I laugh out loud as they stabilize their smoking selves, game faces on. Tanky little bastards aren't they?
The time is not wasted as I chuckle, summoning up a single Earth before filling the rest of my capacity with Water before clicking my heel into the ground with a cough.
The concrete cracks for two dozen feet in a circle, arcs of moisture bursting free as the vampires hit the shattered and groaning terrain.
A Fire-Life duo burns through me, painfully dry cleaning my clothes before I max out on Lightning and let it loose from my fingertips at the soaked forms with a cackle.
"Scream for me you asshats!" Call me the Emperor, because this magic trick is rather amazing.
The eight twitching corpses on the ground yell before bursting into ash as the other five watch.
Shaking my hands off, I smile at them, feeling the rush as I giggled.
"Come on, aren't you lot next?"
Fast.
Vampires are fast.
I am also fast. But that is less due to me, and more to do with the fist that plowed me into the wall across the street at what felt like mach 2. Too damn fast in other words.
"Idiot mortal, you should have ran." Tall fucking vampire, front and center, waxing philosophically. Okay, probably not philosophically, but my head recently had a rather intimate meeting with a brick wall, cut the purple prose some slack.
I coughed, blood marring my lips before five consecutively burned Life's dealt with the damage and leave me ready for another round.
"Idiot vampire, you let a wizard talk~"
To clarify. I am on the ground. He is standing above me. Therefore, he possesses what we in the wizarding business refer to as a higher 'elevation' than myself. That is a bad place to be, relative to a Wizard.
Fire and Water make Steam then oh god! LightningArcaneLightning, I panickedly tap the mnemonic into the dusty ground as the fist sails towards me, before triggering the Magick in a voice that I can't deny was a bit shrill.
"Lightning Bolt!"
And watch the cocky corpse explode into ash with enough force to slam my raised head back into the ground. Ouchies.
The afterimage of Thor's middle finger leaves me blind, the thunder crack deafening my ears as well which really isn't favorable, what with the… four? Yeah, four. Vampires about to try and grab a bite to eat.
So, Earth, Earth, Shield, Earth, Life. I can feel the orbs circling, a miscast on the life but it shouldn't matter, before I floor them into the gravel.
"Ae Oh Ee!"
I can barely hear my own voice, so I make like a soldier and suck on some nourishing gravel to heal.
Since I can now hear the "Ouf!" of vampires hitting off the defensive circle of rock, I may have to start giving those modern shooters some more credit.
Gravel, one of your five a day! Also, spamming Life like a white mage on steroids. That might deserve a little of the credit here.
I sit up, looking at the rock formation towering around me.
Nullify might be a quicker way to drop it, but there is something to be said for tunneling your way out of one of these things.
A pair of Water, a duo of Fire, and the teleport macro later, my hand is the beam-projector that will pierce the heavens!
...I may be a little high on adrenaline, but even I know that was bad.
The arcane beam of super heated plasma tears through the closest pillar, it bursting apart in a blast of green that tastes like apples. And healing.
The vampire that had been staggers on it screams as pure Life rips against the necromantic energies. He then stops screaming because he seems to be healing.
...Fucking necro-types. I drop the beam I had been feeding him and recast it, swapping Arcane for Life.
This time he dies screaming, as is the good and proper way of the world.
I summon up five Ice via the time honored method of threading Water and Cold, dumping it into a spell in my palm to charge as I glance around.
Ah! Target!
One of the only two left actually, I guess the other guy ran away. Or the rocks got him. Damn railroading GM's, you never know when they will strike… My sense of humor might still be a little off.
I am about to release the barrage of cool and spiky death when my chosen pincushion is crushed under a new falling arrival, dusting as the new guy destroys his attempt at a block.
Huh. Credit where credit is due, that's more original than rocks falling.
I spin on my heel and unleash the fully charged Ice into the other remaining vampire, tearing him to dust as his attempts to get closer just guarantees more projectiles hit. Maybe he was trying to Touhou?
Meh, either way, thats that.
I brush off my fancy robes and flicker a pair of Life's into existence as I approach my new minion. That sort of moxie means recruitment time.
"Yo." What!? I have a laissez-faire leadership style. Hrmp.
"...Hello?" That sounds more like a question than a greeting and my sweet Lady Maeve this is a tall guy. Like, I'm tall, but this guy made me feel short.
The twin orbs of green spiral around my offered hand. "You need a heal? These buggers leave a mark." Only right to offer, Life Life is easier than Life Lightning as they always say, even if now that I have a good view of his face I have the sneaking suspicion that I know how he is. Wonder if healing him would work if it is.
"No, he didn't hit me." Gruff tone and loner type, yeah, I know who this is. Now, has he visited the crew yet today? Going by the lack of game face, I'm gonna guess no.
I did electrocute his girlfriend after all.
Plus side, he has a mansion. That place has gotta have eggs. Just got to remember not to bring up the vampire thing, Vlad always looked like he was going to cry when I brought that up.
"Hey, Angel, you wouldn't happen to know where I could find some eggs would you?" As I finish sorting out my robes after sinking the Life's into the cuff of my robe, I realize something rather depressing. The bag of sugar tore when I fell.
I turn the pocket out and watch it pour onto the ground with a sad face before torching the useless bag with a Fire. That adds another ingredient to the shopping list.
"Sugar too? Hmmm, that seems incredibly old fashioned, 'Can I borrow a cup of sugar?' eh, eh?" Poke the vampire. This one doesn't have magic and therefore can not burn me.
The look he is giving me is A+ standard goon face.
He shall make an excellent minion.
Buffy 3: Complaints, Explanations, Creepy Vampires.
Nero200
High Priest of Eito, Part Time Nyar.
Magicka / Buffy the Vampire Slayer - SI
-
3: Complaints, Explanations, Creepy Vampires.
-
"How can you have a mansion this bloody big and not have any eggs!?"
"I don't really need them..." The tall as hell vampire looks more than a little uncomfortable with my presence. That will need to be fixed, minions have to be around to be useful. Number one reason to never hire ninjas. You never see them, and your bank account keeps getting smaller.
"Being a vampire is not a good enough excuse! Vlad always had eggs. Granted, it was mostly because it looks weird if you just buy cheese and puppies, but still!" I'm not letting him get away with this, even if he did have sugar.
"..." The look he is giving me does not inspire hope as to his future as a gopher.
"Look, kid, the hell are you doing?"
"Attempting to recruit you as a minion, since I am a squish mage and suffer from the beautiful yet tragic condition commonly know as 'Glass Cannon'. Not to be confused with a cannon that fires glass."
Not that such a thing wouldn't be all kinds of awesome, but I have Ice, which is nature's version of glass. I think.
Worse comes to worse, I can find a beach and apply Fire until it becomes glass. Technicalities can blow my five stack of Fire.
"Anyway!" Hmm, judging by his lack of agreement with my plan, I'm going to hazard a guess that he is not psychic. Probably for the best, I don't like mind readers.
"Minion, find me some eggs. Actually, do you have a fridge?"
That, that is not a happy face. Also, personal space invasion.
"No, now you are going to tell me what the hell you are, and stop attempting to order me around!"
The wide, baggy sleeves of my robe cover the appearance of Life, Shield, Earth around my wrists, ready to invoke Charm if needed. Some minions need to be mind slaved into co-operation, but I would rather not. I prefer permanent meat shields, rather than temporary allies that drool.
"I'm a Wizard who is a rather long way from home and looking to employ some minions. You seemed like a good candidate, what with the whole Champion gig."
I won't bore you with the discussion from there. To summarize, while he doesn't want to be a minion, he is willing to let me camp out in the mansion if I don't burn it down.
Which means I can stop freezing that guy at the motel to sneak past, and Angel is one step closer to accepting his minion-hood.
The whole staying here thing is also why I am currently walking around the massive property.
Dormant Elementals don't count as part of a wizards minion limit, so I can summon them in the corner of every room without any issues.
A defense in return for a bag of sugar, seems fair to me! Still not sure why he has a bag of sugar and not eggs, but meh, take what you can get I suppose.
The butter was in the pantry too, so I could stop blasting it with Cold whenever it started melting, which is good, because it was getting to the point that I was summoning up Cold every ten minutes by accident.
Didn't want to start developing that kind of habit again. No other wizards around to rez me, and Vlad seemed way too smug when he tossed that rock at me before booting me out of the universe.
Not my fault he can't take a joke. Stuck up vampire.
Anyhow, Summon Elemental. One of the longer Magick I have, but also one of the best. Zombies are eww.
Summons a sleeping elemental that needs to be bashed over the head with an element of your choice, and will then take on that element as its own.
I tend to make them all of the same because then they heal each other rather than turning the other types (Racists I tell you) into collateral.
Don't try to defend them, they know what they are doing!
Back to the point. Again.
I hum out the elements as they swirl into phase around me, fingers dancing. "Arcane, Shield, Earth, then Fire and Water to make Steam, top it off with another Arcane, and Summon Elemental!"
The gray colored empty vessel slips through the cracks of creation from the Ethereal Realm, it's very existence a violation of natural law and common decency, a middle finger to a thermodynamic system that could only blaze faster towards entropy in retribution.
"Hmm, have you guys started getting smaller?"
Maybe they just look smaller all scrunched up like that?
"What… What are these? Why are they everywhere?" Ah! Minion!
"You're here! Good! I was wondering what year it is?" I'll answer his question in a minute, I need to know if there's a statue that needs tossing out of the universe.
...That gormless look is getting annoying, sure minions don't need to think a lot, but what if I'm not around to order him to do things? He could end up stuck just walking into a wall. Forever!
It would be tragic. And funny. But mostly tragic.
Walls hurt when you walk into them, especially if you are using Haste. Walls are the enemy.
Apparently he still hasn't developed telepathy, good for his survival odds, (Mab damned mind flayers) or he is better at ignoring my trains of thought than I am. And I have a lot of practice in that, so I doubt it.
"Nineteen ninety seven"
I hmmm for a moment, trying to place that year and coming to the conclusion that I know barely anything about what happened when in this crazy messed up world.
"Right, going to need to nail it down a little better. The robot show up yet?" And there's that look again.
I summon a Water and spray him in the face. "Oi! Minion! I am the one allowed to go off on random tangents in my head in this business relationship! It's disrespectful when you do it."
After he stops spluttering he looks sort of murderous. Appeasement, ago!
Lecture mode, on!
"Anyway, these are Elementals. Hollow at the moment, but you just need to hit them with an element and they'll wake up and start murdering everything that looks at them funny. Make sure not to use Earth or Ice though, those don't work."
He looks confused, which means he has forgotten about wanting to murder me.
Distraction Magick, Success~.
"So, they are… demons?" And his guard is back. Probably for the best, if he was that easy to put off balance he would suck at guarding me. Bad enough he has his allergy issues, though I should be able to fix those.
The sun is basically a really big fire after all, right?
"Nah, Elementals mate. Think living embodiment of their element, be it Arcane, Fire, or Life." I summon the three named elements with a sweep of my hand as I call them out.
"This isn't difficult, it's a Magick not a combo."
"What do you mean by Magick?" Genuine curiosity, I guess I can indulge it.
"That will take me explaining the basics of my magic, lets crash in the lounge since this might take awhile?" I rap the elemental shell. I'm done summoning my security force anyway… I wonder if I could fit police hats on them?
The explanation took over an hour, and I ended up sleeping on the couch rather than in a room.
I'll sum it, since Angel kept interrupting me and making a damn mess of the glorious item of education it could have been.
The Magic I wield with joy and pleasure is a system of Elements.
Eight of the shiny balls of light in total, each with their own effects and powers. You can even make a few more by combining them, bringing the total to an even ten. The eleventh is a silly thing and upsets the evenness, so we shan't talk of it.
I was taught to summon and channel them by a vampire in denial, in exchange for three wheels of cheese, a promise and a hug.
Arcane, Raw magic condensed and bound, pure concentrated fuck you to the laws of reality. One of the chosen weapons of the classy Black Mage.
Life, The opposite of Arcane, healing and another fuck you to the world, but slightly less so. Like how pepsi is a sin, but tesco brand cola is heresy. White Mages favorite ice cream flavor.
Water, Is water, funny enough. Tends to be a spray spell, good for soaking things before you blast them with thunder.
Cold, Another spray, frost aligned. Slows things down, flash freezes water, and if mixed with Water you get Ice. Ice is basically Earth, but twice as awesome.
Fire, The glorious shimmering power and dancing might of flames! ...I might be a bit of a pyro. Basically a flamethrower. Makes Steam if you blend it with Water, and Steam is a key part of some of the more powerful non-Magick spells.
Lightning, Raw electricity, doesn't have much range but if you combo it with Arcane? You're going places. Those places are fun~ Wet things take roughly double damage, and your fingers tingle pleasantly.
Earth, Rocks. Big rocks, small rocks, all of the rocks. Also good for shattering the ground at your feet to bring everyone around you to their knees. Charging the spell after expending the prepared orbs builds the size and momentum.
Shield, Another esoteric one, usually manifesting in the form of golden defensive barriers or walls of whatever you combine it with. Earth is a good one for a defense you don't have to boost or heal, especially if you channel it under people.
I will never get sick of sending things flying by doing that.
The eleventh is, as said, silly. So we won't be talking about it.
You can also just channel without summoning anything, which works as raw force. Not that strong, but great for skipping in line.
My magic works by summoning up to five of the above elements in their contained form, spheres of bound power. If you fuse two then the result only counts as one.
There are thousands of combinations and I plan on sleeping tonight, so I won't be explaining most of them.
There are a few I will though, the Magicks.
A Magick is a combination channeled in a different way, not thrown ahead of you, infused, blasted out in an AoE or even spent on yourself. My mnemonic places the trigger for such things a little bit away from the others, for safety reasons. And if a Wizard is talking about safety, then you really should be listening.
Nearly every combination has some effect that can be summoned like this, but only some are Magicks. Generally, a Magick is a combo that doesn't kill the user and or the world.
Research is fun~! And painful. Atoms are not meant to giggle.
Seriously though, it's a good thing that Revive is only two elements. I doubt Wizarding as a profession could have taken the losses if we couldn't just pop right back up. Nullify too come to think of it, Vortex is a bitch to deal with before it eats the place otherwise. There is a reason that research isn't really something we do very often.
Magicks are very varied, the majority fairly good for combat. Remembering all the combos can be difficult, but there's a… feeling, when you have the right combination.
Generally, as long as you have cast the Magick before, then you are at very little risk of dying trying to remember it, the method of threading the elements together is instinctual after the first time, and fairly easy to describe. Yay for the great book spreading society! Or was that a Magick?
Those books had to get there somehow!
...A mystery for another day.
Explanation finished, I kicked the vampire out of the room, there are like 4 hours left till anyone can be expected to be up, it's barely six am.
"Right, I'll need to find a sword of something in the morning, my sleeve makes a bad sword."
Angel nods, the ensouled vampire not seeming to get the hint. I never was very good at subtle.
"Out minion! Vampires might not need to sleep, but that 'stare at the sleeping Wizard-ers' routine is bloody creepy!"
That said, I turned over and took a nap.
-
3: Complaints, Explanations, Creepy Vampires.
-
"How can you have a mansion this bloody big and not have any eggs!?"
"I don't really need them..." The tall as hell vampire looks more than a little uncomfortable with my presence. That will need to be fixed, minions have to be around to be useful. Number one reason to never hire ninjas. You never see them, and your bank account keeps getting smaller.
"Being a vampire is not a good enough excuse! Vlad always had eggs. Granted, it was mostly because it looks weird if you just buy cheese and puppies, but still!" I'm not letting him get away with this, even if he did have sugar.
"..." The look he is giving me does not inspire hope as to his future as a gopher.
"Look, kid, the hell are you doing?"
"Attempting to recruit you as a minion, since I am a squish mage and suffer from the beautiful yet tragic condition commonly know as 'Glass Cannon'. Not to be confused with a cannon that fires glass."
Not that such a thing wouldn't be all kinds of awesome, but I have Ice, which is nature's version of glass. I think.
Worse comes to worse, I can find a beach and apply Fire until it becomes glass. Technicalities can blow my five stack of Fire.
"Anyway!" Hmm, judging by his lack of agreement with my plan, I'm going to hazard a guess that he is not psychic. Probably for the best, I don't like mind readers.
"Minion, find me some eggs. Actually, do you have a fridge?"
That, that is not a happy face. Also, personal space invasion.
"No, now you are going to tell me what the hell you are, and stop attempting to order me around!"
The wide, baggy sleeves of my robe cover the appearance of Life, Shield, Earth around my wrists, ready to invoke Charm if needed. Some minions need to be mind slaved into co-operation, but I would rather not. I prefer permanent meat shields, rather than temporary allies that drool.
"I'm a Wizard who is a rather long way from home and looking to employ some minions. You seemed like a good candidate, what with the whole Champion gig."
I won't bore you with the discussion from there. To summarize, while he doesn't want to be a minion, he is willing to let me camp out in the mansion if I don't burn it down.
Which means I can stop freezing that guy at the motel to sneak past, and Angel is one step closer to accepting his minion-hood.
The whole staying here thing is also why I am currently walking around the massive property.
Dormant Elementals don't count as part of a wizards minion limit, so I can summon them in the corner of every room without any issues.
A defense in return for a bag of sugar, seems fair to me! Still not sure why he has a bag of sugar and not eggs, but meh, take what you can get I suppose.
The butter was in the pantry too, so I could stop blasting it with Cold whenever it started melting, which is good, because it was getting to the point that I was summoning up Cold every ten minutes by accident.
Didn't want to start developing that kind of habit again. No other wizards around to rez me, and Vlad seemed way too smug when he tossed that rock at me before booting me out of the universe.
Not my fault he can't take a joke. Stuck up vampire.
Anyhow, Summon Elemental. One of the longer Magick I have, but also one of the best. Zombies are eww.
Summons a sleeping elemental that needs to be bashed over the head with an element of your choice, and will then take on that element as its own.
I tend to make them all of the same because then they heal each other rather than turning the other types (Racists I tell you) into collateral.
Don't try to defend them, they know what they are doing!
Back to the point. Again.
I hum out the elements as they swirl into phase around me, fingers dancing. "Arcane, Shield, Earth, then Fire and Water to make Steam, top it off with another Arcane, and Summon Elemental!"
The gray colored empty vessel slips through the cracks of creation from the Ethereal Realm, it's very existence a violation of natural law and common decency, a middle finger to a thermodynamic system that could only blaze faster towards entropy in retribution.
"Hmm, have you guys started getting smaller?"
Maybe they just look smaller all scrunched up like that?
"What… What are these? Why are they everywhere?" Ah! Minion!
"You're here! Good! I was wondering what year it is?" I'll answer his question in a minute, I need to know if there's a statue that needs tossing out of the universe.
...That gormless look is getting annoying, sure minions don't need to think a lot, but what if I'm not around to order him to do things? He could end up stuck just walking into a wall. Forever!
It would be tragic. And funny. But mostly tragic.
Walls hurt when you walk into them, especially if you are using Haste. Walls are the enemy.
Apparently he still hasn't developed telepathy, good for his survival odds, (Mab damned mind flayers) or he is better at ignoring my trains of thought than I am. And I have a lot of practice in that, so I doubt it.
"Nineteen ninety seven"
I hmmm for a moment, trying to place that year and coming to the conclusion that I know barely anything about what happened when in this crazy messed up world.
"Right, going to need to nail it down a little better. The robot show up yet?" And there's that look again.
I summon a Water and spray him in the face. "Oi! Minion! I am the one allowed to go off on random tangents in my head in this business relationship! It's disrespectful when you do it."
After he stops spluttering he looks sort of murderous. Appeasement, ago!
Lecture mode, on!
"Anyway, these are Elementals. Hollow at the moment, but you just need to hit them with an element and they'll wake up and start murdering everything that looks at them funny. Make sure not to use Earth or Ice though, those don't work."
He looks confused, which means he has forgotten about wanting to murder me.
Distraction Magick, Success~.
"So, they are… demons?" And his guard is back. Probably for the best, if he was that easy to put off balance he would suck at guarding me. Bad enough he has his allergy issues, though I should be able to fix those.
The sun is basically a really big fire after all, right?
"Nah, Elementals mate. Think living embodiment of their element, be it Arcane, Fire, or Life." I summon the three named elements with a sweep of my hand as I call them out.
"This isn't difficult, it's a Magick not a combo."
"What do you mean by Magick?" Genuine curiosity, I guess I can indulge it.
"That will take me explaining the basics of my magic, lets crash in the lounge since this might take awhile?" I rap the elemental shell. I'm done summoning my security force anyway… I wonder if I could fit police hats on them?
The explanation took over an hour, and I ended up sleeping on the couch rather than in a room.
I'll sum it, since Angel kept interrupting me and making a damn mess of the glorious item of education it could have been.
The Magic I wield with joy and pleasure is a system of Elements.
Eight of the shiny balls of light in total, each with their own effects and powers. You can even make a few more by combining them, bringing the total to an even ten. The eleventh is a silly thing and upsets the evenness, so we shan't talk of it.
I was taught to summon and channel them by a vampire in denial, in exchange for three wheels of cheese, a promise and a hug.
Arcane, Raw magic condensed and bound, pure concentrated fuck you to the laws of reality. One of the chosen weapons of the classy Black Mage.
Life, The opposite of Arcane, healing and another fuck you to the world, but slightly less so. Like how pepsi is a sin, but tesco brand cola is heresy. White Mages favorite ice cream flavor.
Water, Is water, funny enough. Tends to be a spray spell, good for soaking things before you blast them with thunder.
Cold, Another spray, frost aligned. Slows things down, flash freezes water, and if mixed with Water you get Ice. Ice is basically Earth, but twice as awesome.
Fire, The glorious shimmering power and dancing might of flames! ...I might be a bit of a pyro. Basically a flamethrower. Makes Steam if you blend it with Water, and Steam is a key part of some of the more powerful non-Magick spells.
Lightning, Raw electricity, doesn't have much range but if you combo it with Arcane? You're going places. Those places are fun~ Wet things take roughly double damage, and your fingers tingle pleasantly.
Earth, Rocks. Big rocks, small rocks, all of the rocks. Also good for shattering the ground at your feet to bring everyone around you to their knees. Charging the spell after expending the prepared orbs builds the size and momentum.
Shield, Another esoteric one, usually manifesting in the form of golden defensive barriers or walls of whatever you combine it with. Earth is a good one for a defense you don't have to boost or heal, especially if you channel it under people.
I will never get sick of sending things flying by doing that.
The eleventh is, as said, silly. So we won't be talking about it.
You can also just channel without summoning anything, which works as raw force. Not that strong, but great for skipping in line.
My magic works by summoning up to five of the above elements in their contained form, spheres of bound power. If you fuse two then the result only counts as one.
There are thousands of combinations and I plan on sleeping tonight, so I won't be explaining most of them.
There are a few I will though, the Magicks.
A Magick is a combination channeled in a different way, not thrown ahead of you, infused, blasted out in an AoE or even spent on yourself. My mnemonic places the trigger for such things a little bit away from the others, for safety reasons. And if a Wizard is talking about safety, then you really should be listening.
Nearly every combination has some effect that can be summoned like this, but only some are Magicks. Generally, a Magick is a combo that doesn't kill the user and or the world.
Research is fun~! And painful. Atoms are not meant to giggle.
Seriously though, it's a good thing that Revive is only two elements. I doubt Wizarding as a profession could have taken the losses if we couldn't just pop right back up. Nullify too come to think of it, Vortex is a bitch to deal with before it eats the place otherwise. There is a reason that research isn't really something we do very often.
Magicks are very varied, the majority fairly good for combat. Remembering all the combos can be difficult, but there's a… feeling, when you have the right combination.
Generally, as long as you have cast the Magick before, then you are at very little risk of dying trying to remember it, the method of threading the elements together is instinctual after the first time, and fairly easy to describe. Yay for the great book spreading society! Or was that a Magick?
Those books had to get there somehow!
...A mystery for another day.
Explanation finished, I kicked the vampire out of the room, there are like 4 hours left till anyone can be expected to be up, it's barely six am.
"Right, I'll need to find a sword of something in the morning, my sleeve makes a bad sword."
Angel nods, the ensouled vampire not seeming to get the hint. I never was very good at subtle.
"Out minion! Vampires might not need to sleep, but that 'stare at the sleeping Wizard-ers' routine is bloody creepy!"
That said, I turned over and took a nap.
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Vaalintine
Wild Wondorous Wolfalope
I'm guessing the reason why we're hearing nothing og Angel is because the Wizard is ignoring it?
Nero200
High Priest of Eito, Part Time Nyar.
In the explanation, Wizard the wizard said at the start that he was summarizing it, since Angel kept interrupting him.
At the very end, he went to sleep.
He is a (Very distorted) SI, and possesses the same skill I do.
That of being able to fall asleep anywhere, anytime.
I feel really stupid asking this but...is my SI running around in your setting?
Nero200
High Priest of Eito, Part Time Nyar.
Not at the moment, mostly because planning or the like hasn't really featured so far in my thought process for this..
And your story seems to be made of planning.
Will probably be a reference either way to a blood mage.
captainmelgar
CLEANSE! PURGE! BEFRIEND!
- Location
- ouy dniheb thgir ma i
this is sunnydale your talking about it/they will most likely be undead moose that hunger for human bones
Fluffy
Destroyer of.......most worlds
- Location
- High Earth Orbit
either way it will be some form of dead moose
On one hand Nero's writing something else. On the other with this is pretty much going to be Abriged!BtVS, I did not know how much I needed that until now.
Nero200
High Priest of Eito, Part Time Nyar.
Don't worry, quest should update tonight (If I don't just collapse when I get home). No promises on when the MTG one will though, I'm trying to figure out timeline stuff for certain scenes.
Nero200
High Priest of Eito, Part Time Nyar.
Neither Wizard nor Angel have really considered it yet, and whether or not Wiz can is up in the air.
tarrangar
Fat arctic chicken
that depends on what the limits of his revival spell is I mean its nothow intact the body is being vaporized happens often enough so unless its some your not allowed to ressurect people who have been dead more than x time its probably you cant ressurect people after their soul has fully passed on and Angels soul got pulled back.
TikiTau
Commander Pangolinski
- Location
- Texas
Obviously, Wizard just has to teach Angel the best solution to being a Vampire: Vlad's Guaranteed Three Step Strategy To Not Being A Vampire! 
For Reference, the Guaranteed Strategy is outlined below.
Step 1) Remind everyone that you are not a vampire at least once each conversation.
Step 2) Please Purchase The Deluxe Edition Of Vlad's Guaranteed Three Step Strategy To Not Being A Vampire for access to Step 2's guaranteed strategies. Payments may be made in Cheese and Sausage.
Step 3) You are obviously no longer a vampire, as evidenced by your polite reminders to all people you are not a vampire, as well as the strategy disclosed in Step 2. Congratulations. Now, prove that you are not a vampire by using your vast powers (Which are certainly not vampiric!) to become the instructor at a magical school, or just dispense vague, cryptic advice that leads Heroes on their path (Which certainly will not fulfill your goals. Which are not vampiric goals at all, of course. At all.).
(Also, quite enjoyed the story. Thanks for posting it, Nero, it got a few chortles out of me! Granted, Magicka + Anything usually results in Hilarity, but still!)
For Reference, the Guaranteed Strategy is outlined below.
Step 1) Remind everyone that you are not a vampire at least once each conversation.
Step 2) Please Purchase The Deluxe Edition Of Vlad's Guaranteed Three Step Strategy To Not Being A Vampire for access to Step 2's guaranteed strategies. Payments may be made in Cheese and Sausage.
Step 3) You are obviously no longer a vampire, as evidenced by your polite reminders to all people you are not a vampire, as well as the strategy disclosed in Step 2. Congratulations. Now, prove that you are not a vampire by using your vast powers (Which are certainly not vampiric!) to become the instructor at a magical school, or just dispense vague, cryptic advice that leads Heroes on their path (Which certainly will not fulfill your goals. Which are not vampiric goals at all, of course. At all.).
(Also, quite enjoyed the story. Thanks for posting it, Nero, it got a few chortles out of me! Granted, Magicka + Anything usually results in Hilarity, but still!)
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Buffy 4: Heresy, Showers and Pancakes
Nero200
High Priest of Eito, Part Time Nyar.
Magicka / Buffy the Vampire Slayer - SI
-
4: Heresy, Showers and Pancakes
-
Waking up sucks.
You have to accept that the land of cats isn't a thing and you have to deal with the fact that your neck hurts like a bitch.
And sometimes you also have to Arcane Lightning Arcane to Teleport out of the grapple that your minion seems to have you in. Asshat.
I dust myself off and glare at the vampire, noting he had game face on.
Game face is pretty damn ugly I might add.
Shield splashes over me, a barrier of golden defensive force wrapping around my squishy wizard body.
"Minion, is there a reason you woke me up while I was napping?" I'm used to being randomly attacked, thats just the way of wizard-ing. How else are you meant to take peoples shinies?
But waking someone up when they are sleeping?
Mab damned heresy!
"Wizard!"
His voice's distorted, but even through that, it's been awhile since someone yelled at me with that much anger.
"You hurt Buffy!" A blur of speed, followed by my defensive barrier flashing brightly as it converts the blow into momentum. The only thing keeping it from breaking was my attention reinforcing the thing faster than it could fall as I slide back half a dozen feet.
Ahhhh... That would explain it.
Note to self, just kill them all next time. I don't think they have any to talk to dead people, so they wouldn't have been able to give an ID and I could just rez them the next morning.
Lightning mets Life as I bring my hands to bear on the over reaching vampire.
"Eat life you necrophile enabling bloodsucker!"
My 'quiping' as I think the kids call it, probably needs some work.
Luminous green lightning catches him mid jump and floors him.
Then things get a little weird.
Life is the flat out most effective thing on undead. Last night orearlier this mornings beam of hippy power proved that rule holds here by melting a vampires face.
The fact that my minions minor scratches were healing while being blasted with the stuff was mildly concerning for the above reason. He's still spasming on the ground, like all things do when you shove the equivalent amount of lightning to a fuse boxes contents into their chest, but it wasn't changing him to that perfect state of burnt meat I was used to it doing.
Smells more like apples.
Wait a minute...
He's healing with Life? Thats not how vampires work! The undead are meant to shrivel and burn as the Wizards laugh and heal! Its the only rightful compensation for making us switch out Arcane for Life whenever the bastards show up.
Oh, right, Soul curse…..
Cheating asshat. Soul's are for the living, not congregated dust bunnies.
I kick him with my glowing foot.
"Done throwing a tantrum? Your overly physical girlfriend knocked me out and kidnapped me, before tying me up and interrogating me."
He looks like he is going to attack me again, but a single vampire isn't really a problem. Vlad would have been, what with the btzz BOOM that magical combat with him tends to become, but this minion should be vulnerable to the usual management techniques for dummies, namely Arcane, Lightning, Lightning.
Angel draws in a deep breath, letting it out slowly.
"The fuck was that?"
I sigh, leaning on the back of the armchair. "You remember me saying that Life harms undead?"
He nods tersely, anger fading somewhat as my Shield flickers out, the defensive orb spiraling around my leg hidden from his view. Precautions are important when training your minion. I nearly lost an arm to that snake thingie.
"Apparently you having a soul means you don't count as undead, at least by this worlds rules. Determined on the targets end of the equation rather the caster I suppose."
While he's digesting that, I ask a very important question.
"You have a shower in this place?"
He shakes his head as he gets up from where my apple scented attack had tossed him.
I shrug and stretch, sinking the Shield into my boot before blasting myself with a series of self-casts.
Wizarding shower, inside version. It will have to do for now.
First Shield-Earth, then Water, lace a Life, then Fire to finish it off.
A fit of coughing later, I raise an eyebrow at the vampire.
"You going to attack me again? I can heal your girlfriend if her regen hasn't taken care of it."
Another reluctant shake of his head later, I clap my hands together and change the subject.
"Right! We can talk Breakfast time minion, where do they sell pancakes? Also, do you have a sword around here?"
He raised a few objections, but agreed once I said I would be heading to meet with the Scoobie gang once I'd had something to eat.
-
"You should have WHAT?!"
These pancakes are damn good. Much better than the ones back home.
...I might have been influenced by the sheer amount of syrup they put on them. I have a sweet tooth, okay? Not my fault.
I swallow down the delicious pancake, paid for by the ever popular Charm Magick, and answer.
"Killed her."
I dodge out of his grab with the grace of someone who is used to meals descending into warfare over the sausages. I don't even like sausages. A quick check that my new shiny sword is still leaning against the table next to be and I expand, since the 'goon' aspect of my new minion is apparently rearing its head. Why do I always get goons?
"Relax, resurrection is only a two element Magick, half the time it's easier to Raise someone than kill 'em."
The rapidly blinking confuses me a little. He's already dead, shouldn't the optic nerves have died? Am I dealing with zombie eyeballs that mimic human sight using magic? How do they interface with the brain meat?
...actually, how does the brain meat work? It needs electrical activity to work, what's powering that? Are vampires perpetual motion machines that run on blood? Should I be investing in some sort of demented hamster wheel to make untold millions? Dead people don't have rights after all. Thats why you can loot their shinnies.
Bah, this world is weird. Magicka was at least upfront with the fact that any decent wizard could make reality go sit in the naughty corner.
"Wait… So when you said you just should have killed her…?"
I frown at him, "Of course I would have rezzed her! I'm not that rude!" The frown upgrades to a glare, I'm don't make that bad a first impression, do I? My recruitment might take a hit!
A glance over at the happily waving girls at the counter assures me that I don't and that my minion is just being unreasonable, as is expected of vampires.
"Okay okay!" He sort of leans back staring at me, apparently deep in thought. Or trying to figure out how I stole the sword. One of the two.
I dig back into my pancakes. I can deal with creepy staring vampires if the food's this sugar- I mean good. Was the only way I got through meals with Vlad, that and copious firepower when the bastard tried to steal my fried moose.
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AN: Took awhile, but have some more. Might be a little less funny, the tone is hard to manage.
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4: Heresy, Showers and Pancakes
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Waking up sucks.
You have to accept that the land of cats isn't a thing and you have to deal with the fact that your neck hurts like a bitch.
And sometimes you also have to Arcane Lightning Arcane to Teleport out of the grapple that your minion seems to have you in. Asshat.
I dust myself off and glare at the vampire, noting he had game face on.
Game face is pretty damn ugly I might add.
Shield splashes over me, a barrier of golden defensive force wrapping around my squishy wizard body.
"Minion, is there a reason you woke me up while I was napping?" I'm used to being randomly attacked, thats just the way of wizard-ing. How else are you meant to take peoples shinies?
But waking someone up when they are sleeping?
Mab damned heresy!
"Wizard!"
His voice's distorted, but even through that, it's been awhile since someone yelled at me with that much anger.
"You hurt Buffy!" A blur of speed, followed by my defensive barrier flashing brightly as it converts the blow into momentum. The only thing keeping it from breaking was my attention reinforcing the thing faster than it could fall as I slide back half a dozen feet.
Ahhhh... That would explain it.
Note to self, just kill them all next time. I don't think they have any to talk to dead people, so they wouldn't have been able to give an ID and I could just rez them the next morning.
Lightning mets Life as I bring my hands to bear on the over reaching vampire.
"Eat life you necrophile enabling bloodsucker!"
My 'quiping' as I think the kids call it, probably needs some work.
Luminous green lightning catches him mid jump and floors him.
Then things get a little weird.
Life is the flat out most effective thing on undead. Last night orearlier this mornings beam of hippy power proved that rule holds here by melting a vampires face.
The fact that my minions minor scratches were healing while being blasted with the stuff was mildly concerning for the above reason. He's still spasming on the ground, like all things do when you shove the equivalent amount of lightning to a fuse boxes contents into their chest, but it wasn't changing him to that perfect state of burnt meat I was used to it doing.
Smells more like apples.
Wait a minute...
He's healing with Life? Thats not how vampires work! The undead are meant to shrivel and burn as the Wizards laugh and heal! Its the only rightful compensation for making us switch out Arcane for Life whenever the bastards show up.
Oh, right, Soul curse…..
Cheating asshat. Soul's are for the living, not congregated dust bunnies.
I kick him with my glowing foot.
"Done throwing a tantrum? Your overly physical girlfriend knocked me out and kidnapped me, before tying me up and interrogating me."
He looks like he is going to attack me again, but a single vampire isn't really a problem. Vlad would have been, what with the btzz BOOM that magical combat with him tends to become, but this minion should be vulnerable to the usual management techniques for dummies, namely Arcane, Lightning, Lightning.
Angel draws in a deep breath, letting it out slowly.
"The fuck was that?"
I sigh, leaning on the back of the armchair. "You remember me saying that Life harms undead?"
He nods tersely, anger fading somewhat as my Shield flickers out, the defensive orb spiraling around my leg hidden from his view. Precautions are important when training your minion. I nearly lost an arm to that snake thingie.
"Apparently you having a soul means you don't count as undead, at least by this worlds rules. Determined on the targets end of the equation rather the caster I suppose."
While he's digesting that, I ask a very important question.
"You have a shower in this place?"
He shakes his head as he gets up from where my apple scented attack had tossed him.
I shrug and stretch, sinking the Shield into my boot before blasting myself with a series of self-casts.
Wizarding shower, inside version. It will have to do for now.
First Shield-Earth, then Water, lace a Life, then Fire to finish it off.
A fit of coughing later, I raise an eyebrow at the vampire.
"You going to attack me again? I can heal your girlfriend if her regen hasn't taken care of it."
Another reluctant shake of his head later, I clap my hands together and change the subject.
"Right! We can talk Breakfast time minion, where do they sell pancakes? Also, do you have a sword around here?"
He raised a few objections, but agreed once I said I would be heading to meet with the Scoobie gang once I'd had something to eat.
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"You should have WHAT?!"
These pancakes are damn good. Much better than the ones back home.
...I might have been influenced by the sheer amount of syrup they put on them. I have a sweet tooth, okay? Not my fault.
I swallow down the delicious pancake, paid for by the ever popular Charm Magick, and answer.
"Killed her."
I dodge out of his grab with the grace of someone who is used to meals descending into warfare over the sausages. I don't even like sausages. A quick check that my new shiny sword is still leaning against the table next to be and I expand, since the 'goon' aspect of my new minion is apparently rearing its head. Why do I always get goons?
"Relax, resurrection is only a two element Magick, half the time it's easier to Raise someone than kill 'em."
The rapidly blinking confuses me a little. He's already dead, shouldn't the optic nerves have died? Am I dealing with zombie eyeballs that mimic human sight using magic? How do they interface with the brain meat?
...actually, how does the brain meat work? It needs electrical activity to work, what's powering that? Are vampires perpetual motion machines that run on blood? Should I be investing in some sort of demented hamster wheel to make untold millions? Dead people don't have rights after all. Thats why you can loot their shinnies.
Bah, this world is weird. Magicka was at least upfront with the fact that any decent wizard could make reality go sit in the naughty corner.
"Wait… So when you said you just should have killed her…?"
I frown at him, "Of course I would have rezzed her! I'm not that rude!" The frown upgrades to a glare, I'm don't make that bad a first impression, do I? My recruitment might take a hit!
A glance over at the happily waving girls at the counter assures me that I don't and that my minion is just being unreasonable, as is expected of vampires.
"Okay okay!" He sort of leans back staring at me, apparently deep in thought. Or trying to figure out how I stole the sword. One of the two.
I dig back into my pancakes. I can deal with creepy staring vampires if the food's this sugar- I mean good. Was the only way I got through meals with Vlad, that and copious firepower when the bastard tried to steal my fried moose.
------
AN: Took awhile, but have some more. Might be a little less funny, the tone is hard to manage.
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Ridiculously Average Guy
I'm you, but stronger
- Location
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He's such a mindfuck for this entire universe.
Also, hey, he can rez dead slayers!
Also, hey, he can rez dead slayers!