The Man of Steel Will Steal Your Steel: RyRy's Egotistic Megalomaniacal Self-Insert Wankfest 2k17

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Not my light fixture.

Not my ceiling.

Not my wall. Not my other wall. Not my other other...
Intro: Wank Me Up When October Ends

RyRy

putting the PRO in Protracted People's War
Location
the bay and the bayou
Not my light fixture.

Not my ceiling.

Not my wall. Not my other wall. Not my other other wall.

Not my room.


It is telling of the sort of person I am that the first thought to enter my mind, after the instinctual "I am in danger" feeling, was not "kidnapping" or "trafficking", or even "those CIA bastards finally got me". No, my first thought was "holy fucking shit it's an ISOT", much to the dismay, I'd imagine, of the Alien Space Bat which had just transported the consciousness of a young man from early 21st century San Francisco to the body of another being. The ASB had probably been hoping for more of a normal reaction, but this was definitely no normal consciousness-of-a-young-man, in fact it'd be hard to finder a "stranger" one.

It was still dark out, but a glimmer of a lighter sky was starting to show. Sunrise would happen in some hours. The calendar on the far wall stated that the date was some time in October, 1917... Oh shit... did that mean what I thought it meant? I leaned closer and saw that the 25th was circled and written on in Cyrillic that I understood. Revolution. Every one of the first 24 squares on the calendar was checked off, which could only mean one thing. Today was the 25th of October, 1917, and I was in Russia. There was a mirror in the simple and humble room, so I walked up towards it, and as the light from the edge of my face reflected off the mirror and into my eyes, I saw my own look of shock.

Today was the day of revolution, and I was Stalin.

There was another knock on the door, and I realized the previous one was what woke me up in the first place. "Comrade," a voice said, "the Committee is ready, we must get out into the city."

_______________________________________________________________


Petrograd, 1917, 5:31 AM. War weary, restless, and rife with Bolshevik activity. Two days ago the Bolshevik Central Committee had voted 10-2 in favor of revolution. I am a part of this committee. That day "we" had formed a revolutionary military committee led by Pavel Lazimir, and today we would revolt. I was informed that the other cadres throughout the city had been readied as well, and I was to lead the uprising of a group of armed soviets along the railways. We had most of the day to finalize preparations, so we did. Hours passed, I met with the men I'd command, I transported rifles to their wives, who would also join the mutiny, and looked over train schedules for the day. A locomotive of government troops from the front would be coming in at 7:30 PM, and the plan was to inform them of the impending insurrection and take them in as allies. I went over every single inch of the planned advance and assault on government buildings. There were several telegraph offices near the railway stations, and we had to seize them as well to then be in constant communication with the other soviets in Petrograd and throughout the country.

I had to pretend I knew what I was doing. Odds were that not a single shot would be fired tonight as there simply was an overwhelming amount of support for the Bolsheviks, but still, I'd all of a sudden been tasked with leading a group of men to their liberation, so I was scared.

The train of men arrived and they, all 976 of them, almost unanimously supported joining the workers, which effectively doubled the amount of armed and trained men under my command.

Fuck man, I've got an entire goddamn regiment to command. I was confident that I wouldn't fuck up but what if something happened? What if the government sent troops via rail that weren't sympathetic to a revolution, soldiers that we'd have to fight... I assured myself, and my men, that it (probably) wouldn't happen.

Then all the soviets were ready, tens of thousands of armed men and women, poised, within and throughout the streets and factories and railways and offices. At 9:00 PM the cruiser Aurora, whose crew had mutinied against their previous captain and established a seamen's soviet, fired a signal shot from its massive front cannon. The entire city froze for a moment, all except the Red Guards, who got to work seizing offices and running through the streets. Within a half an hour my command had nearly secured the railways in the eastern portion of the city, red flags flying and rifles carried. The telegraph offices had been taken and there was confirmation that the rails in and out of the city had been secured. With their objective done in record time, my command then went out into the streets and rallied people to the streets. Almost the entire garrison had mutinied and met up with my command as we approached an army barracks I had yet to learn the name of, and as a result a significant percentage of the whole city's armed men were now following me. It all happened so fast that I had no time to regroup and realize that I could make or break this revolt (although it seemed to be pretty much in the bag by 11:30). Telegraphs were bouncing back and forth and the major commanders were coordinating movements throughout the city. Soon we met up with Andre Bubnov's workers, far ahead of schedule. It turns of that I had been unimaginably lucky and had been able to fan out my soldiers and workers and secure a large amount of the city's total area.

The exceptional luck had surprised the Central Committee and the Military Revolutionary Committee to a great degree, and by an hour past midnight my command had helped the others liberate effectively the entire outer city and much of downtown, all that was left was the Palace District. Coordinating with other commanders I moved in to surround the Winter Palace, and for the next few hours a steady stream of deserters came to us from the besieged palace. Food shipments were intercepted by the Red Guards and the Aurora trained her guns at the palace. At 6:30 orders went to the ship to open fire, and shells began pummeling the palace. For the next forty minutes this continued, until two pieces of field artillery arrived to us via rail from a revolting army base on the northern edge of the city, which we trained at the front gates. The shelling stopped as we blew open the gates.

I made sure that there were about a dozen or so sympathetic journalists with cameras at the storming of the palace, because this was a dramatic moment that needed to be spread around the world. And there I was at the front of it, simultaneously being incredibly confident and yet having no fucking clue what I was doing, but it seemed to work, and I was at least providing some sense of direction. A flag bearer had climbed atop the pedestal of a destroyed statue and waved the red banner, surrounded by revolutionary troops armed with rifles and fists, surging forward into the Palace Square. That sight was definitely one of the most exhilarating things I'd ever seen. There were only a few dozen armed defenders and within a few minutes the majority of them had either been killed, captured, or escaped into the rooms of the palace. So we went into the place building itself. For over an hour and a half we searched every room, and I was constantly ordering rebels to leave the decorations and riches within the palace intact, which was a mostly successful order, since I ensured that anyone caught damaging artifacts would not be allowed access to the Palace's wine cellars (some of the best stocked in the world). Eventually we discovered Kerensky and the rest of the Provisional Government in the small dining room of Private Apartment 28. They were arrested and brought before the military and political leaders of the insurrection in the center of the Palace Square.

They weren't harmed, but definitely harassed.

They were transported to a prison which had been seized by the defecting troops and were to be held for the foreseeable future.

It was 10:41 AM, October 26th, 1917... In the past 29 hours I had, through an immense amount of luck, suddenly become one of the most successful revolutionaries in the Russian Republic and helped liberate its capital.



What a fucking day.














Privet tovarishchi!



Are you all ready to witness this? I doubt you are. Really. If you thought self-inserts could get wanked before, you're in for a shock.

Alright, maybe not, but I tend to think of any self-insert that doesn't immediately become "how the fuck do I adapt to this life now" for at least a year is wildly unrealistic, so mine would count as such by my standards.

Why Stalin? Good question!

See, it's mostly for the shock value, but also because it sure would be nice to lead the world revolution for ~30 years. Plus with all the knowledge I have of this era, especially the Russian Civil War and the Interwar Period, and then all the basic directions for new technologies I can give scientists, it's practically cheating.

The "boring" part will be the initial revolution, because, oh baby, is it gonna get to be Red Alert up in here in a little while.


Anyway, stick around, I promise I'm an at least mediocre writer, and for all you (alt-)history nerds it's gonna get very fun. And for all you people who like to read about killing fascists, it's going to be even better.

Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to get back to learning the Soviet National Anthem in Russian...




Siouz nerushimyj respublik svobodnykh...
 
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Hmm the start is too convenient.

Your first thought is conveniently an isot?
Your first thought at seeing a calendar saying October 1917 is the conveniently correct one?

Did you memorize every single event worldwide of that month at that year?

Gonna watch anyway for besides that huge sod moment it sounds interesting.
 
Hmm the start is too convenient.

Your first thought is conveniently an isot?
Your first thought at seeing a calendar saying October 1917 is the conveniently correct one?

Did you memorize every single event worldwide of that month at that year?

Gonna watch anyway for besides that huge sod moment it sounds interesting.

Yup. Well I'd recognize the face of Stalin, and October 25th in the old calendar is... a significant date.


Also the title basically tells you it's gonna be a... convenient timeline. Not superhumanly so, but you know.


I'll be honest. I just want to fuck up reactionaries and fascists. The best way to do that is to start right when the revolution happens.
 
Im not critiquing your plans just that initial part and you only looked at your new face after the fact. If you first saw your face, then the calendar then it was okay.

Unless the calendar had a Russian symbol or flag it was the first thing you saw not counting walls and ceiling fan.

It would be interesting to see how you do this as I like this type of ISOT and the other Stalin version I read has been in a sort of hiatus/hold.
 
Im not critiquing your plans just that initial part and you only looked at your new face after the fact. If you first saw your face, then the calendar then it was okay.

Unless the calendar had a Russian symbol or flag it was the first thing you saw not counting walls and ceiling fan.

It would be interesting to see how you do this as I like this type of ISOT and the other Stalin version I read has been in a sort of hiatus/hold.

Oh that's what you meant!

I said the calendar was in Cyrillic, which is the Russian (well, more than just Russia, but it's what I'd immediately think of) alphabet.

And was the other Stalin one the Draka timeline?
 
Nu blyat, this is one hell of a pizdec you found yourself in.

Please excuse my terrible russian.
 
The Second All-Russian Congress of Soviets of Workers', Soldiers', and Peasants' Deputies
I managed to sleep that night. I awoke in the barracks, along with almost 3500 men that had helped liberate the capital, to calls for deputies to convene the Second All-Russian Congress of Soviets of Workers', Soldiers', and Peasants' Deputies that day. Of course I'd attend, as I'd probably be made People's Commissar of Nationalities' Affairs, and perhaps get a little public praise for my incredibly lucky performance during the coup last night. I entered the presidium, along with more than five hundred other representatives, and sat down, and we all quieted down as Lenin approached the stand. An ovation began, which I took part in, but he waved us down and announced to us all that "The red banner has been raised over the Kremlin", the workers and soldiers of Moscow had successfully seized the government buildings in their city upon news of the success in Petrograd, although the rest of the city is still resisting with troops loyal to Kerensky (who is still very much imprisoned in Petrograd by our soviets) and it looks as if Moscow will take some time to fully liberate. In Kiev the soviets had taken to the streets as the Central Rada and the Bolsheviks began to rise up against the Provisional Government's military administration in Ukraine. There were now a couple of minor uprisings across the nation as news of the coup spread, minor uprisings that were threatened by counter-revolution and would take time to organize into a truly effective revolutionary force. But this was good news! Mere hours after the government was deposed, the socialists all over the country had begun to realize this is the time! Lenin then continued with his opening speech, and the Congress began.

First a motion "To establish a provisional workers' and peasants' government, to be known as the Council of People's Commissars, to govern the country until the Constituent Assembly is convened.", it passed 555-121, with only the Right SRs and Mensheviks, along with other reformist and anti-revolutionary factions, voting against. They walked out in protest after the vote.

So a new government was created, and just like that the Russian Socialist Federative Soviet Republic was born.

Next to vote on promoting prominent Bolsheviks to the seat of People's Commissar. And as I had assumed I was made People's Commissar of Nationalities' Affairs, to much applause from the presidium. Lenin was Chairman, becoming head of government. Trotsky was Commissar of Foreign Affairs (fuck...), and other positions were filled.

Next was a motion to ratify Lenin's Decree on Peace with the Central Powers as official policy of the new government. As Commissar of Nationalities' Affairs the demand of peace without annexation and self-determination for oppressed nations was of great interest to me. I'd have to contact the leaders of ethnic minorities and nationalities very soon to get started, especially in the Baltic, Poland, and the Ukraine.

The Congress ended with news of more small uprisings throughout the West of Russia and a closing statement by Lenin. The crowd was ecstatic at the realization that revolution had begun, I told the deputies near me that I would begin a chant at the end and they agreed to chant along. I jumped up and shouted "Long live the Revolution", and within a few seconds several hundred enthusiastic people were saying it too. Lenin looked in my direction and smiled.

I suddenly understood how it felt to be acknowledged by a celebrity, and I mentally apologized to all my friends who I said were "way too crazy" about this singer or that actor or whatever.
 
If I was being more realistic, I'd be freaking out about the future possibilities much more. But it's not fun to see the SI have baby heart attacks everytime he thinks of what the next decade has in store, so let's say I'm a bit calmer than I would be.
 
The SI mind merged with the Stalin Original mind so not really any reason to have irrational panic attacks.

Best excuse possible for this type of stories. You get to keep original memories so you appear a moron to everyone and you don't need to learn the language, peoples names, etc.
 
The SI mind merged with the Stalin Original mind so not really any reason to have irrational panic attacks.

Best excuse possible for this type of stories. You get to keep original memories so you appear a moron to everyone and you don't need to learn the language, peoples names, etc.

True, that's generally what I go for as well.
 
Trotsky being assigned Commissar of Foreign Affairs is a problem since he was vital to the reformation of the Red Army, correct?

Might want to cosy up to him (hahahaha-ah, the irony) in order to get that fixed; not sure where Kliment Voroshilov is in all this, but the failure of the Polish-Soviet War is largely credited to his incompetence, so might want to deal with that as well.

And stay on Lenin's good side - whatever you do, don't insult his wife! That was what largely pissed him off enough to not consider Stalin as a potential successor.
 
Trotsky being assigned Commissar of Foreign Affairs is a problem since he was vital to the reformation of the Red Army, correct?
The "(Fuck...)" was there because IRL Trotsky refused to sign the peace treaty with the Germans, assuming they were on the verge of revolution, which led to the Germans going on the offensive and taking even more land and capital in the ensuing treaty.

Especially bad because if the Ukraine or Poland is fully rightist, that means anti-Bolshevik activity can be organized there and protected by the government (like IRL).

I'd like that to not happen.
 
The "(Fuck...)" was there because IRL Trotsky refused to sign the peace treaty with the Germans, assuming they were on the verge of revolution, which led to the Germans going on the offensive and taking even more land and capital in the ensuing treaty.

Especially bad because if the Ukraine or Poland is fully rightist, that means anti-Bolshevik activity can be organized there and protected by the government (like IRL).

I'd like that to not happen.

Ah. So best then to try to convince Trotsky that a peace treaty now is better than later... perhaps you could argue that by getting the Germans to close the Eastern Front, it'll lure them into a false sense of security and send all of their troops to the Western Front earlier, which would mean that the German, French, and British armies will further bleed each other dry and hasten the call of revolution among both the military and civilian populations - it's a three-for-one deal!

I didn't know that... luckily I'm a pretty chill guy and insulting people isn't my way.

He said something to the effect of "Shitting in the same toilet as Lenin doesn't make her a politician!", which pissed Lenin off enough to try to get him demoted for it. While Stalin's supporters in the party admitted that it was very rude of him, it's not enough reason to remove a competent manager - still, it cemented an image of Stalin as vulgar, uncouth, and uncultured in Lenin's mind.

Oh, also: keep an eye on Lenin's health, as his workaholic nature and several assassination attempts on his life had greatly deteriorated his health and accelerated the onset of dementia. While beneficial for OTL Stalin as it kept Lenin isolated from the rest of the Politburo (and thus allowed Stalin to manipulate what information reaches him), his premature death without naming a clear successor is what fueled the Stalin-Trotsky Feud of the next twenty years (before being decisively and bloodily ended by the Great Purge and Trotsky's assassination by ice-axe-to-the-head in Mexico).
 
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