Not my light fixture.
Not my ceiling.
Not my wall. Not my other wall. Not my other other wall.
Not my room.
It is telling of the sort of person I am that the first thought to enter my mind, after the instinctual "I am in danger" feeling, was not "kidnapping" or "trafficking", or even "those CIA bastards finally got me". No, my first thought was "holy fucking shit it's an ISOT", much to the dismay, I'd imagine, of the Alien Space Bat which had just transported the consciousness of a young man from early 21st century San Francisco to the body of another being. The ASB had probably been hoping for more of a normal reaction, but this was definitely no normal consciousness-of-a-young-man, in fact it'd be hard to finder a "stranger" one.
It was still dark out, but a glimmer of a lighter sky was starting to show. Sunrise would happen in some hours. The calendar on the far wall stated that the date was some time in October, 1917... Oh shit... did that mean what I thought it meant? I leaned closer and saw that the 25th was circled and written on in Cyrillic that I understood. Revolution. Every one of the first 24 squares on the calendar was checked off, which could only mean one thing. Today was the 25th of October, 1917, and I was in Russia. There was a mirror in the simple and humble room, so I walked up towards it, and as the light from the edge of my face reflected off the mirror and into my eyes, I saw my own look of shock.
Today was the day of revolution, and I was Stalin.
There was another knock on the door, and I realized the previous one was what woke me up in the first place. "Comrade," a voice said, "the Committee is ready, we must get out into the city."
_______________________________________________________________
Petrograd, 1917, 5:31 AM. War weary, restless, and rife with Bolshevik activity. Two days ago the Bolshevik Central Committee had voted 10-2 in favor of revolution. I am a part of this committee. That day "we" had formed a revolutionary military committee led by Pavel Lazimir, and today we would revolt. I was informed that the other cadres throughout the city had been readied as well, and I was to lead the uprising of a group of armed soviets along the railways. We had most of the day to finalize preparations, so we did. Hours passed, I met with the men I'd command, I transported rifles to their wives, who would also join the mutiny, and looked over train schedules for the day. A locomotive of government troops from the front would be coming in at 7:30 PM, and the plan was to inform them of the impending insurrection and take them in as allies. I went over every single inch of the planned advance and assault on government buildings. There were several telegraph offices near the railway stations, and we had to seize them as well to then be in constant communication with the other soviets in Petrograd and throughout the country.
I had to pretend I knew what I was doing. Odds were that not a single shot would be fired tonight as there simply was an overwhelming amount of support for the Bolsheviks, but still, I'd all of a sudden been tasked with leading a group of men to their liberation, so I was scared.
The train of men arrived and they, all 976 of them, almost unanimously supported joining the workers, which effectively doubled the amount of armed and trained men under my command.
Fuck man, I've got an entire goddamn regiment to command. I was confident that I wouldn't fuck up but what if something happened? What if the government sent troops via rail that weren't sympathetic to a revolution, soldiers that we'd have to fight... I assured myself, and my men, that it (probably) wouldn't happen.
Then all the soviets were ready, tens of thousands of armed men and women, poised, within and throughout the streets and factories and railways and offices. At 9:00 PM the cruiser Aurora, whose crew had mutinied against their previous captain and established a seamen's soviet, fired a signal shot from its massive front cannon. The entire city froze for a moment, all except the Red Guards, who got to work seizing offices and running through the streets. Within a half an hour my command had nearly secured the railways in the eastern portion of the city, red flags flying and rifles carried. The telegraph offices had been taken and there was confirmation that the rails in and out of the city had been secured. With their objective done in record time, my command then went out into the streets and rallied people to the streets. Almost the entire garrison had mutinied and met up with my command as we approached an army barracks I had yet to learn the name of, and as a result a significant percentage of the whole city's armed men were now following me. It all happened so fast that I had no time to regroup and realize that I could make or break this revolt (although it seemed to be pretty much in the bag by 11:30). Telegraphs were bouncing back and forth and the major commanders were coordinating movements throughout the city. Soon we met up with Andre Bubnov's workers, far ahead of schedule. It turns of that I had been unimaginably lucky and had been able to fan out my soldiers and workers and secure a large amount of the city's total area.
The exceptional luck had surprised the Central Committee and the Military Revolutionary Committee to a great degree, and by an hour past midnight my command had helped the others liberate effectively the entire outer city and much of downtown, all that was left was the Palace District. Coordinating with other commanders I moved in to surround the Winter Palace, and for the next few hours a steady stream of deserters came to us from the besieged palace. Food shipments were intercepted by the Red Guards and the Aurora trained her guns at the palace. At 6:30 orders went to the ship to open fire, and shells began pummeling the palace. For the next forty minutes this continued, until two pieces of field artillery arrived to us via rail from a revolting army base on the northern edge of the city, which we trained at the front gates. The shelling stopped as we blew open the gates.
I made sure that there were about a dozen or so sympathetic journalists with cameras at the storming of the palace, because this was a dramatic moment that needed to be spread around the world. And there I was at the front of it, simultaneously being incredibly confident and yet having no fucking clue what I was doing, but it seemed to work, and I was at least providing some sense of direction. A flag bearer had climbed atop the pedestal of a destroyed statue and waved the red banner, surrounded by revolutionary troops armed with rifles and fists, surging forward into the Palace Square. That sight was definitely one of the most exhilarating things I'd ever seen. There were only a few dozen armed defenders and within a few minutes the majority of them had either been killed, captured, or escaped into the rooms of the palace. So we went into the place building itself. For over an hour and a half we searched every room, and I was constantly ordering rebels to leave the decorations and riches within the palace intact, which was a mostly successful order, since I ensured that anyone caught damaging artifacts would not be allowed access to the Palace's wine cellars (some of the best stocked in the world). Eventually we discovered Kerensky and the rest of the Provisional Government in the small dining room of Private Apartment 28. They were arrested and brought before the military and political leaders of the insurrection in the center of the Palace Square.
They weren't harmed, but definitely harassed.
They were transported to a prison which had been seized by the defecting troops and were to be held for the foreseeable future.
It was 10:41 AM, October 26th, 1917... In the past 29 hours I had, through an immense amount of luck, suddenly become one of the most successful revolutionaries in the Russian Republic and helped liberate its capital.
What a fucking day.
Privet tovarishchi!
Are you all ready to witness this? I doubt you are. Really. If you thought self-inserts could get wanked before, you're in for a shock.
Alright, maybe not, but I tend to think of any self-insert that doesn't immediately become "how the fuck do I adapt to this life now" for at least a year is wildly unrealistic, so mine would count as such by my standards.
Why Stalin? Good question!
See, it's mostly for the shock value, but also because it sure would be nice to lead the world revolution for ~30 years. Plus with all the knowledge I have of this era, especially the Russian Civil War and the Interwar Period, and then all the basic directions for new technologies I can give scientists, it's practically cheating.
The "boring" part will be the initial revolution, because, oh baby, is it gonna get to be Red Alert up in here in a little while.
Anyway, stick around, I promise I'm an at least mediocre writer, and for all you (alt-)history nerds it's gonna get very fun. And for all you people who like to read about killing fascists, it's going to be even better.
Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to get back to learning the Soviet National Anthem in Russian...
Siouz nerushimyj respublik svobodnykh...