Ponder the question what if Herman Schultz became Spider-Man?
The Hero he didn't want to be. (What if Herman Schultz became Spider-Man?)
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Editors Note
- Pronouns
- He
Editors Note
´Alright let's do this One last time. My name is Peter Parker (Yes THAT Peter Parker) and for the last twenty-five years, I have been investigating the hero or vigilante if you like known only as Spider-Man or as recently revealed Herman Schultz.
Spider-Man was a renowned hero, who had saved countless lives and fought numerous threats that threatened not only New York City but sometimes even the whole world. Throughout his extensive career, he has proved to be a popular hero with law enforcers and civilians alike, with a combination of inspired leadership, unrivaled courage, and quick thinking that allowed him to turn many near defeats into glorious victories. It is no wonder that he gained a number of followers who try to emulate him even today.
The truth, as ever, is always far more complex than its fiction. Those who knew him personally prior to his acquisition of superpowers and the subsequent meteoric rise to fame generally believed him to be a boorish and unpleasant individual, utterly self-absorbed and arrogant to the extreme. The disparity between his public image of the noble hero and Herman Schultz who once used a lady as a human shield has often confused me.
His memoirs, 'Spider-Man: Web of Life', was published two years ago. They are infamously inaccurate as it was written by a ghost-writer and truth falsified to fit the image of the unstoppable hero making it seem that the real story will never be told. Fortunately, I recently learned that Herman had a habit of writing down his life in a journal of sorts.
Most of this journal appears to be written as a stream of consciousness, and often its tone makes it feel like a confession as much as memoirs. True to Hermans's self-centered nature the journal tends to focus solely on his own thoughts, emotions, and actions. Where necessary I have attached extracts from other works to help explain the big picture of the circumstances around his life.
I hope, dear Reader, that this manuscript will illuminate you as to the true thoughts and feelings of New York's champion, but above all we hope that you merely find it interesting.
Doctor Peter Benjamin Parker
´Alright let's do this One last time. My name is Peter Parker (Yes THAT Peter Parker) and for the last twenty-five years, I have been investigating the hero or vigilante if you like known only as Spider-Man or as recently revealed Herman Schultz.
Spider-Man was a renowned hero, who had saved countless lives and fought numerous threats that threatened not only New York City but sometimes even the whole world. Throughout his extensive career, he has proved to be a popular hero with law enforcers and civilians alike, with a combination of inspired leadership, unrivaled courage, and quick thinking that allowed him to turn many near defeats into glorious victories. It is no wonder that he gained a number of followers who try to emulate him even today.
The truth, as ever, is always far more complex than its fiction. Those who knew him personally prior to his acquisition of superpowers and the subsequent meteoric rise to fame generally believed him to be a boorish and unpleasant individual, utterly self-absorbed and arrogant to the extreme. The disparity between his public image of the noble hero and Herman Schultz who once used a lady as a human shield has often confused me.
His memoirs, 'Spider-Man: Web of Life', was published two years ago. They are infamously inaccurate as it was written by a ghost-writer and truth falsified to fit the image of the unstoppable hero making it seem that the real story will never be told. Fortunately, I recently learned that Herman had a habit of writing down his life in a journal of sorts.
Most of this journal appears to be written as a stream of consciousness, and often its tone makes it feel like a confession as much as memoirs. True to Hermans's self-centered nature the journal tends to focus solely on his own thoughts, emotions, and actions. Where necessary I have attached extracts from other works to help explain the big picture of the circumstances around his life.
I hope, dear Reader, that this manuscript will illuminate you as to the true thoughts and feelings of New York's champion, but above all we hope that you merely find it interesting.
Doctor Peter Benjamin Parker
Herman Schultz, HERO OF NEW YORK CITY
Once upon a heist.
- Pronouns
- He
If I had to point to a single moment that destroyed and remade my life it would have to be the time I was roped into a heist. (1) I remember it like it was yesterday. I was at the local bar drinking after the Red Bulls lost against the Timbers. (2) I was on my third glass of whisky when an old buddy of mine called Fred Myers sat down across from me. "Hermie! How have you been, man!" I internally cringed at that nickname but tried not to show it.
After all, you don't get far in the thief business by insulting someone even accidentally that leads you to live with the fishes and I quite like living in a small apartment in Harlem. Though it might be cheaper. But back on topic. I put on the most non-fake smile I could and laughed. "Could have been better Fred but I manage. How about you?" Fred laughed as he took my drink thinking I wouldn't notice! "Business is good Hermie and I got a job for you! That is if you are interested in taking a risk?" Normally, I would tell him to screw off for drinking my drink, but jobs have been difficult to get lately. (3) Turns out there are not many job listings for a black-listed engineer who knows how to crack safes…well not any legal ones and I nearly got caught last time.
Still, I need cash or the landlord will kick me out. So I took a breath and smirked. "Depends on the job." Fred smiled and pulled some kind of file from his backpack. This should have been my first clue that I shouldn't take this job. See Fred is to put it frankly an idiot who doesn't know valuable diamonds from the shiny ones! So seeing him being all professional with a freaking file on him too was way out of character. Unfortunately, my curiosity got the better of me and I opened it and started to read it. Not going to bother to write down what was there but in summary, an arms trafficker from Colorado heard that Oscorp(4) was working on a freaking Super Soldier Serum(5) and made several prototypes and the trafficker wanted them for himself.
This was my second red flag because no one breaks into Oscorp and comes back alive but I ignored that because of one fact. If I pulled off this job I could be set for a while and my reputation would be better known! Every crime boss in the state, maybe even the whole of America, would want me to work for them!!! (6) So it shouldn't be a surprise that when I closed the file and looked at Fred I said, "I'm in! What's the plan?"
Fred laughed as he took back the file. "There is an expo tomorrow. Schools from all over the city will be there! The security will be too busy stopping kids from pooping on the floor to notice us sneaking in!" Fred smiled like he said something smart but I could already see the holes in that plan. "How about you make a distraction? I don't know how maybe call in a bomb threat in the middle of the expo and cause a panic so I can slip in and out." Fred nodded. "And that's why you make the plans Hermie! I gotta go have a hot date in an hour." I seriously doubt that the ´date´ wasn't paid for. Anyways we said goodbye and went our separate ways.
The next morning I woke up to the sound of my landlord banging on my door. What followed was a shouting match about rent and how I was a freeloader. I gave him the rent, and he left, warning me that he will kick me out next time. I pay the bastard every time but he always complains! Anyway, I made myself a cereal and ate it then I tinkered with my tools for an hour till I got a call from Fred to meet him in front of Oscorp Tower.
When I arrived I found Fred waiting for me with Aleksei Sytsevich, the bravest and biggest man I ever met. I met him two years ago during a bar brawl where he saved me from nearly getting killed by a drunkard. We have been drinking buddies ever since. (7) "Herman bet you didn't expect me to be here!" That was true. I expected this to be a two-man job and Aleksei mostly worked as a muscle for local gangs. "Yeah, Aleksei what are you doing here man?" I asked as we shook hands. Fred opened his mouth before Aleksei could respond. "Alex here is going to be your backup." Aleksei frowned, which was an understandable reaction to Fred's lack of intelligence and tact. "His name is Aleksei Fred, not Alex," I said to which Aleksei gave me a grateful smile. "Right! I knew that! I was just uh…Trying a nickname!" Fred said as his self-preservation instinct kicked in. That's when we noticed that school buses arrived and out came my worst nightmare! Angsty Teens! Quick explanation. Worked as a Janitor in a High School. NEVER. AGAIN. (8) Anyway Fred motioned us to follow him inside.
I must admit Oscorp knows how to decorate their buildings but I wasn't there to admire the scenery. I was here to steal some super drug. As we entered the expo grounds I bumped into a nerdy-looking kid with a photo camera. (9) I said a quick sorry and moved on to the stand with miniatures of Oscorp´s brand-new Glider tech. I must say it is interesting stuff but I already saw some flaws. For example, the Gliders didn't have any safety measures that could save the pilot during a crash and the pilot had to be a certain weight to even make the Glider lift off. Stark Industries is going to blow it out of the water at their next Expo. I am certain of that. (10) Anyways the real reason I was at the stand was to look for security weaknesses. Aleksei was nearby reading some pamphlets, and Fred set up the distraction. Anyways ten minutes later Fred returned. "Okay, the things are in place. The first one will go off in five minutes and the second one will go off once you get the package." Fred said disguising his words in case anyone overheard.
Me and Aleksei slowly approached the entrance to the staff-only corridor pretending to look at all the science stuff, not that anything was interesting to me. According to the file, the lab with the serum was at the end of the corridor behind that door. We stopped close enough before the door to our objective to not arouse any suspicion. Coincidentally we arrived before a food stand which made my and Aleksei's stomachs very happy. A minute later someone ran out of the men's bathroom screaming. "BOMB!!! THERE IS A BOMB IN THE BATHROOM!!!" Huh, Fred went with my idea of a fake bomb…wait what did he mean it was going to go off? (11) That better be a fake bomb or I swear to god! Anyways everyone started to panic running to the exits as security guards started to direct them to exits and running to the bathrooms to look for the hopefully fake bomb. Aleksei and I ran into the staff-only section the moment the security guards left. As we entered we put on our ski masks. Yes so original anyways we noticed a scientist exit the lab where the serum was. I think I saw him on TV once. He didn't see us as he ran to the emergency exit.
We waited for two minutes to make sure that no one else was in there then we entered and then started to look for the serum. I quickly noticed a window at the edge of the lab. Curious, I walked to look at what was on the other side. What I saw there I can't describe but it sickened me. (12) I started to back up. I don't know why, maybe from the shock of what I saw? Anyway, I bumped into a table and something fell off. I looked down and saw what remained of a terrarium on the ground. "Herman, I think I found it!"
Aleksei made me snap to my senses. "No real names. Show it." I said as I ran to him. He pulled out a vial with green liquid inside and handed it to me. I looked at the label. It was labelled R-9. That was our payload. I handed the vial back to Aleksei because he was the most trustworthy and safest option to keep the vial. I turned towards the exit and started to walk when Aleksei spoke up. "Uh, Herman?" I stopped and turned around. "Yes, Aleksei." I asked as I turned towards him. "There is a big spider on your left hand." The moment he said that I felt a burning pain in the said hand as I slapped my other hand on it on instinct. A dead spider fell on the ground and I started to feel sick. "Shit! That hurt. Let's go before we get caught." I said as we started to run towards the exit. When we came back to the Expo grounds cops were everywhere and I felt worse by the minute. We reunited with Fred and started to go to the exit.
We parted ways, making a deal to meet up tomorrow to hand over the vial.
I went home.
Everything hurts. (13)
Footnotes
(1) While it's been public information for the last five years many people still don't know that Herman used to be a thief.
(2) Herman was an avid fan of football like many Americans.
(3) Police crackdowns on organized crime that were happening at the time might have resulted in Hermans's lack of job opportunities.
(4) Oscorp CEO Norman Osborn was suspected of having criminal ties and as Oscorp rarely had information leaks one has to wonder how a simple arms trafficker found out about R-9.
(5) Super Soldiers Serums have been in high demand from nations to criminals and eccentric billionaires ever since Captain America was created.
(6) This is a prime example of Hermans's ego.
(7) Aleksei Sytsevich might have been the only real friend Herman had.
(8) As a former teacher at Empire State University I sympathize with Herman.
(9) That was my first meeting with Herman, not that we knew it.
(10) Herman was right. Project Iron Man blew Glider Tech out of the water.
(11) They were in fact real bombs. Thankfully a bomb squad defused both of them.
(12) This is unrelated to the entries in this journal but I must say that I agree with Herman. That experiment was beyond inhumane.
(13) This seems to have been written before Herman wrote what happened at Oscorp.
After all, you don't get far in the thief business by insulting someone even accidentally that leads you to live with the fishes and I quite like living in a small apartment in Harlem. Though it might be cheaper. But back on topic. I put on the most non-fake smile I could and laughed. "Could have been better Fred but I manage. How about you?" Fred laughed as he took my drink thinking I wouldn't notice! "Business is good Hermie and I got a job for you! That is if you are interested in taking a risk?" Normally, I would tell him to screw off for drinking my drink, but jobs have been difficult to get lately. (3) Turns out there are not many job listings for a black-listed engineer who knows how to crack safes…well not any legal ones and I nearly got caught last time.
Still, I need cash or the landlord will kick me out. So I took a breath and smirked. "Depends on the job." Fred smiled and pulled some kind of file from his backpack. This should have been my first clue that I shouldn't take this job. See Fred is to put it frankly an idiot who doesn't know valuable diamonds from the shiny ones! So seeing him being all professional with a freaking file on him too was way out of character. Unfortunately, my curiosity got the better of me and I opened it and started to read it. Not going to bother to write down what was there but in summary, an arms trafficker from Colorado heard that Oscorp(4) was working on a freaking Super Soldier Serum(5) and made several prototypes and the trafficker wanted them for himself.
This was my second red flag because no one breaks into Oscorp and comes back alive but I ignored that because of one fact. If I pulled off this job I could be set for a while and my reputation would be better known! Every crime boss in the state, maybe even the whole of America, would want me to work for them!!! (6) So it shouldn't be a surprise that when I closed the file and looked at Fred I said, "I'm in! What's the plan?"
Fred laughed as he took back the file. "There is an expo tomorrow. Schools from all over the city will be there! The security will be too busy stopping kids from pooping on the floor to notice us sneaking in!" Fred smiled like he said something smart but I could already see the holes in that plan. "How about you make a distraction? I don't know how maybe call in a bomb threat in the middle of the expo and cause a panic so I can slip in and out." Fred nodded. "And that's why you make the plans Hermie! I gotta go have a hot date in an hour." I seriously doubt that the ´date´ wasn't paid for. Anyways we said goodbye and went our separate ways.
The next morning I woke up to the sound of my landlord banging on my door. What followed was a shouting match about rent and how I was a freeloader. I gave him the rent, and he left, warning me that he will kick me out next time. I pay the bastard every time but he always complains! Anyway, I made myself a cereal and ate it then I tinkered with my tools for an hour till I got a call from Fred to meet him in front of Oscorp Tower.
When I arrived I found Fred waiting for me with Aleksei Sytsevich, the bravest and biggest man I ever met. I met him two years ago during a bar brawl where he saved me from nearly getting killed by a drunkard. We have been drinking buddies ever since. (7) "Herman bet you didn't expect me to be here!" That was true. I expected this to be a two-man job and Aleksei mostly worked as a muscle for local gangs. "Yeah, Aleksei what are you doing here man?" I asked as we shook hands. Fred opened his mouth before Aleksei could respond. "Alex here is going to be your backup." Aleksei frowned, which was an understandable reaction to Fred's lack of intelligence and tact. "His name is Aleksei Fred, not Alex," I said to which Aleksei gave me a grateful smile. "Right! I knew that! I was just uh…Trying a nickname!" Fred said as his self-preservation instinct kicked in. That's when we noticed that school buses arrived and out came my worst nightmare! Angsty Teens! Quick explanation. Worked as a Janitor in a High School. NEVER. AGAIN. (8) Anyway Fred motioned us to follow him inside.
I must admit Oscorp knows how to decorate their buildings but I wasn't there to admire the scenery. I was here to steal some super drug. As we entered the expo grounds I bumped into a nerdy-looking kid with a photo camera. (9) I said a quick sorry and moved on to the stand with miniatures of Oscorp´s brand-new Glider tech. I must say it is interesting stuff but I already saw some flaws. For example, the Gliders didn't have any safety measures that could save the pilot during a crash and the pilot had to be a certain weight to even make the Glider lift off. Stark Industries is going to blow it out of the water at their next Expo. I am certain of that. (10) Anyways the real reason I was at the stand was to look for security weaknesses. Aleksei was nearby reading some pamphlets, and Fred set up the distraction. Anyways ten minutes later Fred returned. "Okay, the things are in place. The first one will go off in five minutes and the second one will go off once you get the package." Fred said disguising his words in case anyone overheard.
Me and Aleksei slowly approached the entrance to the staff-only corridor pretending to look at all the science stuff, not that anything was interesting to me. According to the file, the lab with the serum was at the end of the corridor behind that door. We stopped close enough before the door to our objective to not arouse any suspicion. Coincidentally we arrived before a food stand which made my and Aleksei's stomachs very happy. A minute later someone ran out of the men's bathroom screaming. "BOMB!!! THERE IS A BOMB IN THE BATHROOM!!!" Huh, Fred went with my idea of a fake bomb…wait what did he mean it was going to go off? (11) That better be a fake bomb or I swear to god! Anyways everyone started to panic running to the exits as security guards started to direct them to exits and running to the bathrooms to look for the hopefully fake bomb. Aleksei and I ran into the staff-only section the moment the security guards left. As we entered we put on our ski masks. Yes so original anyways we noticed a scientist exit the lab where the serum was. I think I saw him on TV once. He didn't see us as he ran to the emergency exit.
We waited for two minutes to make sure that no one else was in there then we entered and then started to look for the serum. I quickly noticed a window at the edge of the lab. Curious, I walked to look at what was on the other side. What I saw there I can't describe but it sickened me. (12) I started to back up. I don't know why, maybe from the shock of what I saw? Anyway, I bumped into a table and something fell off. I looked down and saw what remained of a terrarium on the ground. "Herman, I think I found it!"
Aleksei made me snap to my senses. "No real names. Show it." I said as I ran to him. He pulled out a vial with green liquid inside and handed it to me. I looked at the label. It was labelled R-9. That was our payload. I handed the vial back to Aleksei because he was the most trustworthy and safest option to keep the vial. I turned towards the exit and started to walk when Aleksei spoke up. "Uh, Herman?" I stopped and turned around. "Yes, Aleksei." I asked as I turned towards him. "There is a big spider on your left hand." The moment he said that I felt a burning pain in the said hand as I slapped my other hand on it on instinct. A dead spider fell on the ground and I started to feel sick. "Shit! That hurt. Let's go before we get caught." I said as we started to run towards the exit. When we came back to the Expo grounds cops were everywhere and I felt worse by the minute. We reunited with Fred and started to go to the exit.
We parted ways, making a deal to meet up tomorrow to hand over the vial.
I went home.
Everything hurts. (13)
Footnotes
(1) While it's been public information for the last five years many people still don't know that Herman used to be a thief.
(2) Herman was an avid fan of football like many Americans.
(3) Police crackdowns on organized crime that were happening at the time might have resulted in Hermans's lack of job opportunities.
(4) Oscorp CEO Norman Osborn was suspected of having criminal ties and as Oscorp rarely had information leaks one has to wonder how a simple arms trafficker found out about R-9.
(5) Super Soldiers Serums have been in high demand from nations to criminals and eccentric billionaires ever since Captain America was created.
(6) This is a prime example of Hermans's ego.
(7) Aleksei Sytsevich might have been the only real friend Herman had.
(8) As a former teacher at Empire State University I sympathize with Herman.
(9) That was my first meeting with Herman, not that we knew it.
(10) Herman was right. Project Iron Man blew Glider Tech out of the water.
(11) They were in fact real bombs. Thankfully a bomb squad defused both of them.
(12) This is unrelated to the entries in this journal but I must say that I agree with Herman. That experiment was beyond inhumane.
(13) This seems to have been written before Herman wrote what happened at Oscorp.
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