"In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death, taxes and trucks whom transport men to other worlds."
Meet our titular protagonist Haruto Watanabe, a man who has all the markings of a good protagonist for a generic portal fantasy story. As an overworked office worker, to escape from the grips of crippling capitalist alienation, he had taken up to reading many stories where young men like him were transported to other worlds and enjoyed their lives at a most leisurely pace. Armed with genre-awareness and (what he believes to be) a marketable personality which would make him an easy audience self-insert, he longed for the day the isekai express would take him to his long-awaited adventure to another world.
When the fateful day came, where the fair yet harsh mistress that is the fabled truck took Watanabe on one last date to the other side, he was most ready to escape his previous life, ready to embark on an errant so great he'd be most overpowered, his heroics so exceptional and his harem so vast that they would barely fit ten or twenty volumes of an overly long novel made by a desperate author looking for quick cash.
Lo and behold however, Watanabe instead found himself in a low fantasy world which lacked severely in the department of any game-like systems, cheat skills or easily charmed damsels in distress. In a setting so antithetical to his established genre savviness or any attempts at power fantasy, how will a man like Watanabe, lacking in strength, wits and courage, manage to survive in a land most foreign to him?
It's been almost two year since I wrote The Errant Otherworlder's first volume. It has stayed the first and only volume thanks to the John Brown Isekai unexpectedly blowing up and becoming my main work. Since John Brown will be ongoing for a long, long while, and my attempt at rewriting The Errant Otherworlder in time for its 2nd anniversary failed, I've decided to at least update the first chapter to be more welcoming and closer to how I write today (the rest of the chapters will be 2-year-old writing, so please keep that in mind). Since I've added the titular errant otherworlder Watanabe from this series to the John Brown Isekai, I thought that re-releasing it here would make sense for those who didn't want to go to another site to learn about who this Watanabe guy was. I only wrote the first volume for this series, but I wouldn't call it incomplete as the volume has its own self-contained story and arc to it.
I'll be re-releasing the chapters of this complete first volume regularly on Saturday. I have no idea when or if a second volume will ever come out; capturing the magic of Watanabe again has proven to be difficult and I'm busy with the John Brown. Hopefully one day I'll be able to finish The Errant Otherworlder in it's errant entirety. For now however, I hope that you're able to enjoy my first novel.
He who leaps yonder
Expecting LitRPG
Finds dissapointment.
There was a man named Haruhi Watanabe, who lived in some place called "Japan" by many.
"Urgh… Another spreadsheet?" Watanabe himself had spread himself on the table like one of his beloved spreadsheets. Thankfully his unshaven face and bloodshot eyes were hidden from view of others by the cubicle walls that besieged him on all sides. His messy hair spread on the keyboard, a few crumbs of dandruff falling through the keys. He looked at the bottom right corner of the monitor.
It was 7:48 PM, Sunday. 12 minutes until he was free, no time to finish his new assignment. Watanabe would have to work at home lest his boss chew him out for failing to meet his unreasonable demands. He closed his eyes to rest them a bit. Even in total darkness however, a parade of numbers began marching forward in front of his eyes. ¥432.720.000.000, net income last year. ¥2.662.923.000.000, total assets of Tamana Co., Ltd. in 2023. ¥87.000, the amount of money Watanabe lost when Watanabe dropped his wallet into the sewer that one time. He'd rather not remember the last number, so he opened his eyes. 7:49 PM, still Sunday… 7:50. 7:50 PM, Sunday.
I should occupy myself with something else, thought Watanabe. He straightened himself and stretched his sore muscles while firmly remaining on the office chair. As if he was about to commit a crime, Watanabe got up and swiftly scanned the area around him. All he could see was a jungle of cubicles with the occasional human head present in its midst. No managers were in the area though, so Watanabe sat back down and pressed his favorite combination of keys: Alt and Tab. The dreadful cells of Excel were washed away and an internet browser (not Edge; even his employers weren't cruel enough to make them use Microsoft Edge) popped into view.
On the internet browser, Watanabe opened a private tab and navigated himself onto a webnovel site that had somehow not been blocked by the company's filter. He quickly entered his username and password to be greeted by his precious list of followed works. One of his hands was still on the Alt-Tab keys while his other was navigating with the mouse to select what he should read in the ten minutes he had.
"That Time I Died and Reincarnated as a Truck in Another World with a Level 99 Vampire Lady Companion Who's Really Attracted to Metal Objects That Aren't Silver"? No, that one had very long chapters. "Reborn as a Vending Machine, I Now Wander the Dungeon"? No, he'd like to read that one once he was a bit less tired. "Starting My Adventure in Another World with a Beautiful Goddess; I Had a Cheat Skill I So Became the World's Strongest Adventurer"? This one seemed good, so Watanabe clicked on it and navigated to the newest chapter.
Chapter 3: Meeting the general!
A general of the Demon King: Ebony Darkness Dementia von Raven.
She's an opponent that outclasses a newcomer like me.
Yet, I have been left face-to-face with her in a deserted street, with goddess Terra standing behind me.
"So, you got anything to give, huh?!"
I replied to her with a puzzled look.
"Money, dosh, anything! I'm mugging you!"
Look at her. Does she not know that I have[Purify Evil], perfect for countering foes such as her?
"Come mug us then!"
Terra called out to her, raising her Earth Staff. We-
"Watanabe!" Upon hearing his name being called, Watanabe alt-tabbed his way back to the spreadsheet. He grumbled, his reading session having been cut short in the most exciting moment. He had caught a glimpse of an illustration under the last sentence, that of the deuteragonist and harem member Terra casting a spell. Her godlike design was quite appealing to Watanabe, so he was disappointed to have missed out on seeing it once more.
"Watanabe!" The Watanabe in question finally turned around to see his neighbor Takahashi from one cubicle over. "The lads are going out for an after-work drinking party. Want to join?"
Watanabe wasn't in a drinking mood, he mostly just wanted to collapse on his futon and go to sleep, so he shook his head. "Sorry, I don't have the cash for it this month."
"I see." Takahashi yawned. He wasn't in the best of shapes either. "Good night."
"Good night." Watanabe looked at his monitor. 7:59 PM, Sunday. It was close enough. He closed the computer and finally got off the office chair. He looked outside the window. It wasn't dark outside, and no stars were visible. Darkness wasn't to be found in Tokyo, for everything was illuminated 24/7. He could see a torrent of people streaming to-and-fro on the street at such a late hour.
Watanabe headed to the elevator to join the crowd of passersby down below. It took him half a minute to get down to ground floor due to how high his office was. Getting out the door he was assaulted by a cacophony of noise, from traffic to chatter. Watanabe felt like a woodpecker was pecking his head every time he heard a phone ring or a printer print back in the office too. However, the metropole was as quiet as solitary confinement compared to the office. He integrated himself to the flow of the crowd and began his long march home. Watanabe's brain was completely turned off until he felt his pocket rumble.
Ring, ring! It was his phone. Was his manager calling for something again? Watanabe opened the phone without looking. "Hello?" he asked in a voice reminiscent of a long rotten corpse. He was in the middle of traffic, so he had to ask "Hello!?" again.
BEEEP! There was a loud noise right next to his ear. What was it? Watanabe soon realized that he had stopped right in middle of a busy intersection to answer the phone. There was a truck which had stopped right next to him. The loud noise was the giant metal beast blowing its horn and telling Watanabe to naff off the road. He had no choice but to oblige the beast which could drive forward and isekai him at any moment.
"Hello?!" shouted Watanabe again into the receiver.
This time he could hear the voice on the other hand now that a truck wasn't shattering his eardrums. "Hello? Are you there, Haru?"
"Mom?" Watanabe bowed down in apology even if his mother couldn't see it "I'm so sorry, I almost got hit by a truck there and couldn't hear you."
"My little Haru, haven't I told you to be careful while walking?" Watanabe continued walking and talking on the phone despite his mother's advice. They exchanged a bout of the usual small chat before his mother asked a question. "Your sister's taking a holiday and coming over this Christmas. We'd love to have you back in Osaka as well, Haru."
"Ah…" Watanabe scratched his chin. "Mom, I do have paid vacation days available, but my boss would just fire me if I took one of them. Sorry, I can't come over this year either."
"I see… I hope you have fun with your friends after work then." Watanabe didn't have the heart to tell his mother that he didn't have any friends in Tokyo. "Your sister's calling me now. See you, Haru!"
"See yo-"
An employee from a convenience store had placed a water-filled bucket on the sidewalk. Watanabe hadn't noticed it. He tripped on the bucket, sending him flying head-first into the pavement.
There once was a man named Haruhi Watanabe, who died in some place called "Japan" by many.
Chapter II - Which deals with our hero's arrival and the droll incident that follows.
After what might have been eternity, or just a few seconds, our hero finally woke up. He had to squint his eyes for a few seconds while they were trying to adjust to sudden daylight.
Slowly regaining his temporarily lost vision, Watanabe calmly stood up to observe his surroundings, noticing houses made of adobe making up what he assumed was a village. Far away from him were huge fields of cabbage and snowy mountains that reached the heavens.
Thankfully, I have trained my whole life for this, he thought. Now was the time for Watanabe to shine.
First rule of being sent to another world: Observe your surroundings calmly, check. Second rule: If you have confirmed yourself to be safe, begin checking for any systems that are exploitable.
Officially beginning his speedrun of "Overpowered Any%", Watanabe began shouting commands such as "[Status]!" Nothing came up, so Watanabe tried "[Character]!". This didn't work either.
Watanabe proceeded to exhaust most of his English vocabulary (who he hadn't improved a bit since graduating university), shouting any nouns that came to his mind. "[Peanuts]!" he shouted, "[Fiddlesticks]!" he bellowed, "[Infrastructure]!" he vociferated.
Alas, our friend was in a situation in which no thesaurus or dictionary could have helped. Our poor protagonist soon realized the grave predicament he was in.
So, this isn't a LitRPG, huh…
But, worry not dear readers among you whom have a love for the LitRPG genre, I treasure all my readers equally. I have found a way for you to get your fix of LitRPG in this story.
So please, despair not dear reader, for your despair will now melt away as you gaze upon this makeshift status panel that I concocted for our hero:
Now that we have had enough concrete facts and stats to last a chapter, we can return back to see how Watanabe is faring.
I guess Rule 2 shall be put on hold for now, there is still hope for non-LitRPG systems that will let me exploit this setting. Now, third rule of being sent to another world: Seek the aid of the settlement closest to you and ask where the "Adventurer's Guild", or the local equivalent of the "Adventurer's Guild" is.
The importance of going for the Adventurer's Guild first is not to be underestimated. Such an establishment commonly allows a newly arrived tourist from another world to rise the ranks and gain fame. While Watanabe was lacking in strength and courage, he hoped that things would just end up going his way the moment he joined such a guild. He was the protagonist after all, things not going his way were just not possible.
Also, most important to Watanabe, was that the Adventurer's Guild was frequently the place where people like him would gain members for their harem. He had already missed gaining the first member of his harem in the previous chapter. Our hero hoped that he'd get back on pace and manage to find one posthaste lest he be left eternally maidenless.
Watanabe adapted a suitable trot and started quickly traveling the short way towards the village that he had seen. He saw something that left him utterly puzzled when he arrived at the grounds of the village:
He couldn't see anyone in the village, let alone any building that looked like an Adventurer's Guild. Can you even call this a settlement if there is no one that has settled in it, thought Watanabe.
Though, if it's abandoned, I can just call dibs on everything here. He remembered all those times he had robbed villagers of their pots and other miscellanea in RPGs. Watanabe had no money to his name, except for a 1000-yen banknote left over from before he died, so acquiring some money by looting this village would have been a welcome boost to his fortuneless fortune.
Among all the adobe houses he picked the largest one (which was still pretty small) and journeyed forth expecting some loot. He expected nothing legendary, but a few gold coins or something of the sort would have helped his fortunes advance greatly.
A straw bed, and… a chest! Finally, something adventure-worthy is happening to me!
In the room that he was now in, which was also the only room in the house, Watanabe finally found something that wasn't confusing or disappointing: a chest, the quintessential item for anyone looking for loot.
Checking if the chest had any locks, which it thankfully didn't, Watanabe opened the chest that now contained all his dreams and ambitions and found a set of peasant's clothes and a small bronze coin.
I… You know what, not all chests are made equal. Maybe the other houses have some good loot, unlike this lousy, terrible house. Only idiots would think that such a lousy house might have good loot!
Calling the grapes sour, our hero ventured forth and explored the other houses. He, for his 30 minutes of hard and grueling labor, earned two more small bronze coins and… That's it for what he found.
Watanabe, while he was normally used to getting disappointing rewards for his labor, still felt deep disappointment while he pocketed the meagre coinage he acquired, Thankfully, his disappointment dissipated when he saw, among all the run-down adobe houses, a gray building fashioned out of stone brick. The building had a tall dome, and three wings extending out of the structure with the dome.
This must either be an abandoned temple, a dungeon or a castle… Well, it might be a temple or a castle which is also a dungeon, but no matter! This, this is the kind of place where legendary swords and other artifacts are found, and if it is a temple and fate gives me her blessings, the temple may contain a forgotten goddess who might grant me a great boon and also follow me along as the first member of my surely soon-to-be great harem.
With intentions as stated above, our hero approached the door to the castle / temple / dungeon / temple dungeon / castle dungeon / temple-castle dungeon and bravely opened the doors.
"…and that, Brassicus Prima blesseth thee, is the essence of worldly existence. For as His Supreme Holiness Theodore, blessed be His name, said once to a filthy, ignorant heathen who questioned this truth…"
Our hero found around fifty villagers sitting down, listening to a clergyman of some sort giving a sermon on a central stage. Finally, I get to see some living people, he thought. While he was slightly disappointed to not have found a legendary sword lodged in stone or anything of the sort, Watanabe was more excited to finally see other human beings. Observing that there was a sermon going on Watanabe continued to think as one normally did, I probably shouldn't interrupt whatever is going on here. Watanabe sat on an empty seat where no one could notice him in their pious stupor.
"…so, when the leader of the cruel heathens, one King Vasily of the Fiyeletow, did he rebel against the offer by the merciful Holy Theodore, blessed be His name, a campaign to eradicate his utterly despicable rule began. Today, my fellow Brassicans, we remember the brave warriors who gave up their life for a such a cause that a cause truer and hallower has yet to exist again on this world. We celebrate their achievements and mourn the price they paid in their blood. They expanded the realm of the one and only true faith war and wide, which there can be no cause greater than that. Now, good Brassicans of this here temple, I implore upon thee to join me and all Brassicans around our most holy of kingdoms in prayer for these heroes. Ahem! Blessed be thee…"
The clergyman initiated a long period of prayer, where the people in the temple joined him in his words. Watanabe, the heathen that he apparently was, had begun dozing off by the end.
Our hero suddenly woke up with a jolt when he noticed someone poking his shoulder. What in the- thought Watanabe. Opening his eyes he saw that now a number of villagers now congregated around him. From this close up he could see, that in a most cliché manner, these villagers looked like Europeans.
Watanabe was unfazed by the looks of the villagers, for European-looking people are the stock fantasy standard in most settings and he was expecting people like them. The villagers were unlike Watanabe in that they had never seen anyone with East Asian features. His countenance was most alien and queer according to these village folk, who at most had seen people from the next town over in their entire lives.
"What should we do with him?" and "Does he even understand us?" were common questions thrown around the folk while they tried to understand why a foreigner, clearly from so far away, was in their village. I should have practiced my public speaking skills before coming here… He was frozen and unable to decide what to say.
Wait a second, these people are… They are definitely not speaking Japanese and most likely are not speaking English, how come I am understanding them? This was a thought that had never occurred to him before, as all the stories that he had were translated to Japanese and never dealt with such trifling issues. Watanabe didn't have an opportunity to ponder for long however as the clergyman from before found his way through the crowd and approached our hero.
"Sir from foreign lands, may I please ask you why you are in our hallowed temple?" said the clergyman, looking directly at Watanabe with a stern expression.
This is bad… I don't know anything about these people and what type of excuse they'd find reasonable here and I have to find an excuse fast. All I know about these people are the sermon I just heard while half-asleep, which I guess is better than nothing. Watanabe took a deep breath to calm himself, alright, I have apologized to my boss and made excuses countless of times before, time to use the skills I got on the job!
To put it into LitRPG terms, it was like if our hero activated his skill [Fake It 'Till You Make It] (which he had gained thanks to grinding countless hours in his job before dying) and began addressing the clergyman.
"Sir, I-" said Watanabe, murmuring to gain some time so that a plan could hatch in his brain, "I… Sorry, but it is a bit complicated so…"
"Hurry and spit it out already!" said a member of the congregation, "There should hardly be any excuses for a heathen like you to be here on such a holy day!"
What that fellow just said… Yes, I should try going with that approach, thought Watanabe and, his BS-making skills on overdrive, a gameplan emerged for how he wanted to get out of this situation.
"To the one who just called me a heathen, I'd like to point out that I am as much a Brassican like you.", said Watanabe with newly fabricated fervor, "I came from the lands far to the east hearing of the truth of Holy Theodore, blessed be His name."
The clergyman retaliated, "But, if this is to be true sir, and if it is true then this is a most joyous occasion, then why have you come to this remote village, instead of the capital or any other major city who professes the truth of Holy Theodore, blessed be His name?"
Anticipating this retort, Watanabe was quick to reply. "Sir, while I say I am Brassican like you, I have yet to officially profess myself a member, for my country of…", there was no word for "Japan" in the language these people were speaking, which stumped Watanabe for a second. "Uhm… Nihon lacks any temples of your faith. I want to convert as soon as possible so I don't die a heathen while on my way to the capital city."
The congregation still murmured among themselves, for they were still not fully convinced. Watanabe readied his coup-de-grâce: A 1000-yen banknote still in his pocket.
"I have not come here by myself, for my lord, the venerable Lord Nanashi Inai, the leader of Nihon sent me here so that I may convert and learn more of the Brassican faith. This paper here," Watanabe pointed toward the portrait of an author obverse of the banknote, "has a drawing of Lord Inai, who plans on converting to the true faith after observing the rituals of the Brassicans. You can also see, in red, his stamp which proves that I come here with his approval."
The people here had never heard of a place called Nihon, or a man called Lord Nanashi Inai. Seeing such an intricately designed piece of paper and seeing how confidently Watanabe spoke about the matter, the murmurings began to quiet down and the clergyman assumed a relaxed and cordial look.
"Sir… Wannabe, was it?" asked the clergyman.
"No, it's Watanabe, Haruto Watanabe."
"Please excuse us for the rudeness we have shown you today. While I'd be honored to induct you into our faith today, we don't have any holy water and dried cabbage which to conduct the ceremony required." said the clergyman bowing down with pious humility, "If you so wish, you may stay the night in our temple and we will prepare the required materials for your conversion."
Watanabe accepted the offer by the clergyman, finding himself a place to stay for the day.
Chapter III - Wherein the conversation between our hero and the clergyman is related.
A congregation of villagers had gathered around poor Watanabe.
Travelers of any kind always excited these villagers who had an insatiable hunger for knowing more about the outside world. They were contented with just staring at the foreigner. Watanabe himself was definitely not content with being stared at. The crowd reminded him off all the awkward meetings in the office he had been in which was the last thing he expected and wanted to remember when he got summoned to another world.
Our protagonist silently cursed the masked man and the author for getting him into this situation.
After another few minutes of uncomfortable staring, some brave soul who had noticed how uncomfortable Watanabe had come to his rescue.
"Everyone, please, our guest has just come back from a long bout of arduous travel.", said the clergyman. "You should let him rest and not use the temple as a place for your profane curiosities." Not wanting to anger the clergyman and also not wanting to have divine punishment cast upon them, the congregation dissolved until only Watanabe and the clergyman was left.
"Thank you so very much sir for saving me out of this grievous situation," said Watanabe "I thought I was done for and would have to stand here all day being reminded of that one time everyone stared at me when I joined an online meeting without my clothes on."
"An… On-rain… What?" said the clergyman, not knowing the about online technology which allows millions around the world to be embarrass themselves remotely.
"Online and offline meetings were an ancient tradition back in my home of Nihon.", said Watanabe and wanting to not talk further about online meetings continued, "Most importantly sir, I would like to know the name of the one who has extended their generosity towards me and saved me from further self-cringing."
"I'm known as Anton, though as I am a lay-preacher of Brassica you should refer to me as 'Your Reverence'. I guide the believers of this here remote village of Sherifeld.", said Anton and his curiosity getting better of him couldn't help add "Also, what is an onrain meeting? Could you tell me of this honored ritual from your home?"
"Your Reverence" huh… That is a title too grandiose for some "lay-preacher" of a remote village, thought Watanabe while he was speaking. Also why did I mention online meetings?! Now he's gotten needlessly curious, he thought and tried to find a way how he could explain in a way that Anton could understand.
"Your Reverence, an online meeting is when people meet to discuss issues" said Watanabe, giving one of the most lackluster definitions of anything in the history of mankind.
"Isn't that just a normal meeting then?" said Anton, "I don't think that would qualify as some ancient ritual."
Damn you holy man, why did I add the "ancient ritual" part while talking and why do you listen to everything I say, thought Watanabe. "While conducting this meeting the people of Nihon use an ancient device called a 'personal computator' which allows the members of the meeting to talk remotely from very far away distances."
"This… 'Personal computator', is it like a big horn that allows you to communicate to others far away through a code of some sort?", said Anton remembering what he once read about soldiers using such signals to communicate, "That is a very queer tradition, sir, meeting others through such methods."
Alright, now that he has been satisfied in my answer, I should ask him some questions too, thought Watanabe. I have currently failed to find an Adventurer's Guild or something akin to that in this village, Rule Three can be put on hold while until I find a major settlement. Now for Rule Four: Gather as much information about the setting from the guild as possible. In this case the guild can be a very roundabout metaphor for Anton.
"Your Reverence, since I have come from lands so far away and a culture so foreign to you, I would be glad to learn about as much as the land of the faithful that I am now in," said Watanabe. The priest nodded and seemed cordial so Watanabe continued, "First, what sort of form does Brassica -or whatever their name is- inhabit? Is Brassica some sort of beautiful goddess?"
Watanabe received that answer immediately when he heard Anton laugh so loudly and heartily that our hero thought his eardrums would rupture. "Sir, women can't even become a lowly lay-clergy like me, and you'd expect Brassica to be a woman too?" said Anton and pointed at an image in the ceiling, which showed to Watanabe what looked like two old men, one old man in white and one in green, "The one in white is Holy Theodore, blessed be His name, and the one in green is Brassicus Prima, the one and true god."
For the Brassicus-knows how many times that day, Watanabe experienced great disappointment as he heard this. No women in the clergy either?! This means that the potential archetypes for members of my harem is fastly diminishing, thought Watanabe.
No kindhearted priestesses who will heal me after an epic battle with evil, no goddesses to grant me a cheat skills or legendary weapons, probably no knightesses with a hidden feminine side that will fight alongside me… Who wants to worship an old man anyways?! If I wanted to have to show worship to old men I would just go back to my job in the office, lamented Watanabe further. His future harem was seeming to get blander and blander each chapter. At least when I had to deal with old men at the office, I was getting paid for it!
"Sorry Your Reverence, back at home we had so many goddesses that I thought Brassicus Prima might hold a similar form as well." said Watanabe, trying to hide his utter disappointment.
* Ding! *
…now that we have had enough solid linear progression for one chapter we can return back to the still disappointed Watanabe.
Watanabe, now reluctant to ask more questions lest his [Disappointment] levels up again, leading to him gaining a new disappointing [Title], marched bravely onwards hoping to at the least find an island of hope in the sea of disappointment. "Sir… I- I have another question as well.", he couldn't hide his [Disappointment] as he heaved a [Deep Sigh].
While he was giving the sermon, I couldn't help notice that he mentioned an evil figure named King Vasily of the Fiyeletow, thought Watanabe slowly paddling himself towards an island of hope. Evil plus king equals a demon king, or some big bad evil guy akin to that. While it is disappointing that this figure is a king, meaning they don't have a chance to enter my future harem, it's assuring that an evil overlord does exist here at the least.
To Watanabe, a quest to kill an evil overlord was the quintessential activity for any people like him. Surely, even if the LitRPG mechanics were lacking and the cheat skills were not coming anytime soon, being able to labor towards a goal would have made him slightly satisfied at the least.
Not every story has the protagonist start overpowered, thought Watanabe, maybe the author is going for a slow burn and my powers and harem members will trickle in slowly while I work towards the epitome of my adventure.
Imagine, I work hard through multiple volumes, maybe gaining a new member to the harem every volume giving time for them to have developed personalities, and eventually end up saving the world as the fruits of my labor. How cool would that be?!
Watanabe had paddled to his island of hope through the sea of disappointment. He had set foot on dry land and now began building a metaphorical makeshift shack consisting of his dreams. "Your Reverence, I heard the name of a certain King Vasily while you were giving your sermon." said Watanabe trying to ascertain the location of his future foe, "Do you have any information on where he is, for you see, I intend to battle that doer of evil and end his cruel reign."
Fighting the big bad evil guy, that's what I should strive to do!
Watanabe soon had a sense of foreboding due to Anton laughing heartily again, this time being somewhat louder. "Excuse me sir," started Anton, "While I do admire your martial spirit, the loathsome scum that is Vasily has most fortunately disappeared from the face of the planet around six hundred years ago."
Watanabe now felt a large tsunami of disappointment wipe out his shack of dreams and destroy his island of hope, but the determined man he was, he held onto a metaphorical piece of driftwood left over from his shack of hope, "Do- Do you think that Vasily will ever return any time soon? Is there some prophecy related to him?"
Don't worry me. It's common for evil to be sealed and for it to wait for a chance to come back!
"Brassicus forbid, sir! The serene child of the Holy Theodore, blessed be His name, Grand Preacher Frederick the First had a prophecy related to that wretch, telling us, and what he tells does not and cannot deviate even one letter from the truth, that he might still be among us leading the faithful to the wrong path and riling up heathens here and there.", said Anton giving Watanabe chance for his metaphorical driftwood to drift further to dry shores, "But he shall not fully return in any fashion until the end days where he will lead all the nonbelievers to one final battle against the righteous forces of the Brassicans." Watanabe had again started to lose his disappointment and even thought he might be starting to see another island of hope in the distance.
Maybe, if he returns soon, I can end up fighting him! Fighting in the end days sounds so cool!
"However, the end-days won't come, according to Grand Preacher Frederick the First, until at least a millennium has passed after the Holy Theodore brought the word of Brassicus Prima in its full clarity. Worry not dear sir, we are currently only in the year 629, which means that only 629 years has passed since those golden days of humanity." With this, Anton had unknowingly given Watanabe a metaphorical kick in the groin.
I… I have to at least wait 300 years to defeat the big bad evil guy, huh…
Watanabe lamented internally as the sea of disappointment finally consumed him.
* Ding! *
…I previously said that we had enough progression for one chapter but I just couldn't stop myself from giving Watanabe another level up. I have selfishly broken the perfectly balanced pacing for a simple rush of dopamine and I sincerely apologize to my readers who might be now displeased with the ruined pacing of the progression.
With the author's sincere apology over, we will now return over to Watanabe.
Our poor protagonist was now shaken to his core due to having all his hopes of an epic battle against the big bad evil guy crushed.
For the first time in his entire life, death and re-life, Watanabe would have preferred to be in the office to being where he was. At least Tanaka the next cubicle over was, at worst, only a bit dull to talk to, while Anton had made him go through a conga line of emotions that only lead to despair.
Tanaka, I how miss thee, occurred as a thought in his mind, a thought that Watanabe never thought would occur in his mind even if a myriad years passed.
Meanwhile, in some random office building in Japan:
"Hey, Tanaka, have you seen the fellow next to you? He was going to fill in important tables for me today." said Takahashi with a box of office supplies resting in his arms.
"Oh… I didn't even notice that he was gone today." said Tanaka, "Maybe he's sick or something?"
"No, in that case he'd at least pick up the phone. When I try to call him, it says that his number is not available. I did manage to call him yesterday after work but he never answered the call." said Takahashi, "Man, the manager is going to be so pissed, I can't do anything without those tables."
"Well, let's just hope that he isn't dead or something and comes back by the end of the week." said Tanaka, tongue-in-cheek.
"I hope he's still alive and kicking." said Takahashi responding in jest, "I'll be going then, to find someone else to finish these for me. See you." Takahashi then left Tanaka alone by herself in her cubicle.
…Wait, what was that guy's name, thought Tanaka before quitting needless pondering and going back to her work.
Meanwhile, in some random village named Sherifeld not in Japan:
"Your Reverence," Bloody hell. Watanabe could hardly speak now that he was this dejected "thank you for giving me your time and answering my questions but, as you said, I need to rest for the road has left me tired."
All my plans for getting overpowered have been thwarted, what am I to do?
Watanabe then asked for Anton to lead him to a place where he could sleep. Anton obliged and lead him to a small guest room of the temple containing a couple of beds. The bedding for them was made out of linen stuffed with straw and feathers, and while to Watanabe's standard this was pretty shoddy bedding, to the standards of Anton this bedding was more than decent.
Watanabe would have also asked Anton why there was a guest room in a temple if he had the spirit left to do so, but instead he thanked Anton again before diving on top of one of the beds like a falling log.
Chapter IV - Of the most gritty and realistic incident in which Watanabe answered the call of duty.
It was late at night, and Watanabe was experiencing a grave problem that not many protagonists apparently experience.
The call of nature, it's overwhelming me…
I apologize to some of my dear readers, who I have already most likely displeased with the insane progression in the last chapter, for having to make them read the vulgar scenes of a man urgently needing to micturate.
Unfortunately, as an author, one has to balance the needs of many different readers looking for many different things. While I have preemptively listened to the pleas of the LitRPG loving readers and added a status panel for our hero, I have ignored the readers who want realism and grit in their stories.
As the customer is always right, I have to act like a politician and cater to every one of my readers even if their needs contradict each other. This next scene shall be dedicated for the lovers of realistic and gritty stories, for what could be more realistic than a bloke needing to go to the loo late at night?
Now that the author has stated their intentions clearly and put many of you readers at ease, we can continue onwards with our most realistic and gritty scene ever that you'll see in this story, perhaps even your entire life. Even real life shan't get as realistic as this chapter, if I dare say so myself.
Watanabe, feeling the call to duty and unable to resist it, got up and reflexively looked for a light switch in the room. After a minute of struggle and frustration, it finally popped in his sleep-addled brain that he was in a pre-industrial fantasy setting and that lightbulbs were a long way away.
Watanabe, left lightless, bravely adventured forth under the cover of the dark and made his way to the temple's hall, where Anton had let there be light with a rushlight on a fixture lighting the room.
The old man isn't asleep yet, thankfully. He may be able to guide a lost soul like me to redemption and help me find a suitable place to find relief, thought Watanabe.
Anton, the erudite and cultured man he was, had decided to forgo sleep to finish a book of chivalric romance that he had been reading. He noticed his guest entering the room and asked him why he was up at such a late time.
"Your Reverence, I require help to find a path to redemption and hope that you can help this lost soul." replied Watanabe.
"Sir, it is not rare for men to have visions and other troubling matters happen to them at night." said Anton who was more sleep-addled than Watanabe, "For example in this book, which gives a truthful account, there is a knight who is separate from her dear lady, whose homesickness leads him to constantly be haunted by visions of her."
Anton, at such a late hour, had somehow forgotten that he was supposed to be a man of Brassicus. He had forgotten the normal responses he'd give to a Brassican in trouble. "If there is a lady you miss, or a maleficent wizard gives you trouble even in sleep, then let me know and I'll console thee. As the ancients so wisely said, 'what solution one mind cannot find can be find with two minds in collaboration.'"
"No, Your Reverence, I have yet to meet any wizards and I am still utterly maidenless." replied Watanabe to the droll speech of Anton. "I am asking your help in a matter of immediate urgency."
"What is it then, sir? Speak, so that we may act." said Anton, anticipating something much more severe than what Watanabe was about to ask of him.
"Is there a bathroom where one can answer the call of nature?" answered Watanabe.
Anton stared blankly for a second and replied, "Sir… Do your people relieve themselves in the same building where they clean themselves?"
"I… I think that's the norm, yeah." Isn't that how everyone on Earth does it?
"Then sir, I implore you to do as civilized people do, for the call of nature must be answered in nature and not in the bath." said Anton, going back to reading his book.
That's the most poetic way I've ever seen someone say "go do it outside", thought Watanabe with a slight hint of admiration at the holy man's way with words. Unable to ascertain the location of a porcelain goddess to deliver his offering to, our hero went outside to instead deliver an offering to Mother Nature.
The outdoors was dark like Watanabe had never seen it before as the villagers didn't have any lighting outside. He was used to the metropolis where light was guaranteed twenty-four seven, Watanabe felt slightly creeped out by the stagnant dark and quiet.
Watanabe needed some time for his eyes to adjust until he could locate a suitable bush, right next to the temple's field of cabbages, wherein a suitable offering was made to Mother Nature by our hero.
Having done the deed, Watanabe had turned around to return to the temple when he saw something that'd have made him soil his pants if he hadn't just soiled the earth.
In the dark he saw the figure of a woman, with skin and hair so pale that she looked like she was glowing in the moonlight. She looked like some sort of ghostly apparition to Watanabe. Our hero bravely turned tail and ran when the woman turned around to look at him, revealing a pair of red eyes that seemed to glow in the dark.
I get I was complaining about being left maidenless, but who is this cruel joker who sends me a woman's ghost to haunt me at night, thought Watanabe while crouching down in a fetal position behind a house and shaking so hard that he might have scored a 9 on the Richter scale all by himself.
Watanabe continued to be in this state for Brassicus-knows how long until slowly building up determination and courage.
Alright, you are Watanabe. You are a strong man, one who has been sent to this world destined for greatness. No puny ghost can defeat you; no challenge is too great for you to overcome. You are great, now go teach that glorified bedsheet a lesson, said Watanabe and made up his mind to get up and face the damned thing.
Our hero now courageously stood up. Afterwards, he turned his back to face the temple again only to notice that the woman was now right behind him.
Seeing those menacing red eyes so close, Watanabe's weak heart finally gave in.
Our hero bravely blacked out on the spot out of fear.
A hot summer day. It was 8 AM in the morning, which was the time for Watanabe to wake up and go to work as usual. He had gotten dressed, in a business suit as always. After he finished his morning tea, Watanabe would head back to his prison (also known as a "cubicle").
I have about ten minutes spare, which should be time enough to sip my tea in a leisurely pace, thought Watanabe, raising his cup for a sip before his dreams were shattered by a knock on the door. Thinking it might be the landlord he quickly put his cup down and stood up to open the door.
Our hero instead found two young foreigner men who were dressed most snazzily.
The young men – attempted – to speak Japanese with a very heavy Western American accent. "Ko-knee-chewah mister, have you heard of the good word of-"
"Yes, I've heard. Have a nice day." said Watanabe, quickly shutting the door before the boys could reply.
Damn these preachers and their ilk, thought Watanabe, I should've understood that a place with such cheap rent has a reason for being so cheap. His apartment was right next to a Christian mission of some sort, the sort who tended to bring over their younger followers from overseas for missionary work during their summer holiday.
Worst thing for Watanabe was that he had welcomed the first group that came to preach to him, having a pleasant conversation with them out of standard Japanese politeness. The mission had read this as Watanabe being receptive to conversion. Every summer they sent a few young'uns to finally convince him to join them.
The worst part is, they just don't know when to give up, thought Watanabe. He saw a small book slip from under the door into his room, which was the standard procedure for these folk. He had already collected thirty volumes of the same damned book for free.
"The Book of…" Whatever you are, you'll go into the pile along with the others, thought Watanabe as he turned, only to find that he had spilled the tea all over the floor when he had wantonly put down his cup of tea.
I think I should go to the nearest wayside shrine today and pray for whichever deity is there to protect me from these preachers, thought Watanabe who began cleaning the tea-ridden floor. By the time he was done it was apparent that he'd be a few minutes late to work, which greatly distressed him.
You know what, whenever I get to go on holiday, I'll spend the entire day visiting nearby shrines and ask as many deities as I can for protection against preachers, added Watanabe. He hurried to work as quickly as possible. I should even set aside some money to make some offerings just to make sure.
That day, due to the curse of the preachers, he lost a week's pay due to coming to work five minutes late.
"Argh! Damn ye all who preach!" shouted Watanabe, waking up and sweating bullets due to the nightmare he just had.
"H- Huh? Damn who?" replied Anton, who was seated near to Watanabe. He had been sleeping until being rudely awakened by Watanabe.
"Damn the heathens, Your Reverence!" said Watanabe. His employee reflexes took just in time to have crafted a suitable response.
I never got to go on that shrine visiting spree and I am still visited by preachers even in another world, thought Watanabe as he stared at the now-awake Anton. I'll make sure to donate plentiful to the next non-Brassican shrine I see.
"Well, heathens be damned Sir Watanabe, you seemed pretty damned yourself last night." replied Anton, "Your face was so pale that I first took you for dead when I saw you. These old bones had to carry you all the way back to the guest room. What happened to you that night, sir?"
"Sorry for troubling you, Your Reverence," said Watanabe, "But believe me, that night I saw a ghost or some maleficent spirit of some sort."
"By Brassicus! What did they look like and what did they do, sir?" asked Anton.
Watanabe then related to Anton what happened last night, telling him how he saw a woman's figure, and how he ended up fainting.
"Hmm… Sir, but if you claim there is a maleficent spirit or a ghost involved, then she should have caused you harm when you fainted and were left vulnerable, yet you are as fine as when I first saw you."
She did cause great damage to my self-image, and I don't feel as fine as I first came here, silently replied Watanabe. "Maybe she was content with leaving me mortified?"
"I guess so, sir. Maleficence doesn't necessarily imply murderous intent. I also have heard and read that some apparitions are content with just scaring or toying with people." replied Anton.
Actually, whatever or whoever this woman is, if she doesn't hold murderous intent then she could be a member of my harem, thought Watanabe who was left so maidenless that he had begun to make plans to court the undead. If she's haunting me or stalking me, then I should have ample opportunity to meet her and woo her by… I don't know, I guess a ghost would be wooed by being treated kindly?
Watanabe had never been great at courtship, up until his death and re-birth Watanabe had never felt the touch of a woman. Hey, none of the other protagonists were ever great with women. They constantly blushed and lost all common sense whenever one was within sixty feet of them, yet they were able to court more than one maiden at once, thought Watanabe, if those socially awkward losers can do it then I, who can actually speak to women like a normal human being, can most certainly gather a harem which the likes of it the world has never seen before!
Lifting his lofty dreams even higher and shooting for something beyond the stars, Watanabe now felt that he was back on track. It might have been close to the end of Chapter 4 by now, sure, but surely by Chapter 5 or 6 he'd get the first member of his harem.
A new harem member every 5 chapters is a good pace. What kind of idiot would want a new love interest every other chapter? It would get confusing really quickly, thought Watanabe.
Our hero rose and shone, welcoming the new day with the new opportunities it would surely bring him.
Chapter V - In which Watanabe joins the Brassican faith and guests most unexpected participate.
"Sir, I'm so glad that you have survived and are able to walk after that debacle." said Anton when he observed Watanabe get up. "It would have a been a disaster, most likely the greatest disaster to hit this village in its entire existence in fact, if you had come here to join the true faith only to die a heathen."
Oh right, there was this whole conversion ceremony thing I was supposed to attend, thought Watanabe. He silently groaned. Our hero was used to attending ceremonies due to being obliged to, like company meetings and parties meant for "teambuilding" and "company spirit" organized by his boss, and this religious conversion was no different compared to the aforementioned activities.
Yet, unlike the awkward parties where Watanabe had to listen to his drunk boss ramble on about how he couldn't raise wages this year because some of the stocks he invested in had lost value and he really needed all of the money he could get to buy his third son a luxury car, this conversion ceremony also had something he could look forward to. While I have avoided all the preachers trying to convert me, this time it's completely different, he thought. In fantasy settings like this, piety means power. Paladins, clerks, healers… They all curry favor from some deity to reach great power. Now, who do these deities choose most commonly to confer their favor to? Of course, they always choose people who arrive from Earth. Now, who arrived from Earth to this land you may ask, Watanabe smiled as he got to the next part of this silent monologue in his mind, Of course, I am the one who arrived here from Earth! I shall be the chosen one of Whiskers Primus, or whatever his name was!
Watanabe suddenly woke up from these profane thoughts. The sound of drums beating were heard throughout the village. Curious as to the nature of these sounds, Anton and Watanabe hurried outside the temple. The pair quickly managed to locate the source of all this ruckus.
"Halt! Halt I say!" said a man on a horse, who was clad with a cuirass and a fashionable cavalier hat. Behind him was a company of soldiers, who lacked a standard uniform and were mostly outfitted with whatever they could afford to buy.
Alright, I see pikes and metal armor. That's good, this is standard fantasy stuff, observed Watanabe looking at the front row of soldiers, what are those men in the back holding? They hold odd wooden sticks and lack armor, perhaps they're magicians?
Watanabe had no time for thought. The officer dismounted from his horse and approached Anton (and our hero). "Brassicus Prima bless you Your Reverence," said the man as he bowed and scraped like a true well-bred gentleman, "I am Captain Hans of Pallenberg, a most pious captain from the honorable Royal Lahanezite Army of His Supreme Holiness. I may be a foreigner from Erzen, but you should count me as any other pious Lahanezite. And, as a pious leader of men should, I have come here so that I and my men may be blessed before they are sent on campaign against the heathens."
Anton was nonplussed for a moment, unsure how to act in front of such an honored guest. "O- Of- Of course Most Honorable Sir Captain Hans! This humble lay-preacher Anton shall do his best to serve you!"
Seeing Anton's greeting, Watanabe's skills at sycophancy immediately kicked in. He bowed before Hans as if he was his boss and said "My name is Watanabe, Sir Hans. Please treat me well."
Hans' attention was immediately drawn to Watanabe, who he hadn't noticed up until now. "Sir… Watanabe, was it?" Hans carefully examined Watanabe before he continued speaking, "Seeing from your dress and your manners that are the signs of a well-bred man, I can't hesitate to ask to why someone who from his appearance looks to be from the heathen lands so far away south would be in a remote village?"
"Most Honorable Sir Captain Hans, while this man may not look one bit like a good Brassican, I can assure you that our friend who comes from the lands far east…" said Anton before pausing abruptly. "Sir Watanabe, didn't you tell me you came from the far east? But this gentleman says…" said Anton, not finishing the sentence. His eyes jumped between the two men trying to find who to believe in.
At the same moment Watanabe was confused too. What kind of horrible setting has the Far East in the Far South?!
He had been in this kind of situation many times before, where he had bluffed only for contradictory information to surface later, and many times before had he gotten his pay docked and almost fired when his boss found out. This time, however, the stakes were much higher.
Once again, Watanabe put his BS-making skills to overdrive. This time he found out what he thought to be a suitable response quickly. "Well, Your Reverence and Sir Hans, the world is round, right?"
"Yes, the roundness of the world has been a fact known since even before Holy Theodore came to this realm to break the age of ignorance that ruled before." replied Anton.
"…Wait a second, the world- It is round?" said a perplexed Hans. He took a look around his surroundings, "When I observe it, all I see is a flat world.
"Yes, Most Honorable Sir Captain Hans, the world is indeed round. There even is a book in the temple library which is a translation of an ancient book which delves into the proofs for this roundness."
"B- But… On the maps the world is…" murmured Hans, trying to understand the concept of a round world. "…Whatever you say Your Reverence." conceded Hans who didn't want to contradict a man of the cloth.
"Since the world is round, it would make sense when I say that I jumped on a ship, from a port of Nippon in the far south, and traveled around the world far west to reach these hallow shores." said Watanabe as he continued "Hence, it would be appropriate to say that I came from lands far east."
Hans looked at Anton, who was content with the explanation, and he decided that what Watanabe said probably made sense if Anton wasn't objecting to it. "I see, Sir Watanabe. I am sorry to have doubted an honest man like you. I am still curious as to why you have come from the far east to visit this remote village."
"You see, Most Honorable Sir Captain Hans…" began Anton, relating everything he knew about Watanabe, how he comes from a far-away land called Nihon and how a great Lord Nanashi Inai had sent him on a quest to find more about the true faith.
"You say that this fine gentleman here will be joining the true faith today, Your Reverence?" said Hans who now saw Watanabe in a much different light, "I have met with people of the far south, and believe me they are damned as a people for they are ignorant, stubborn and unwilling to accept the truth, but I guess this gentleman and his lord are one of the rare good ones from the accursed heathen lands."
"Indeed, it is a miracle of Brassicus Prima that He is able to bring the light of truth and word of civilization even to those far away heathen nations which you may call most ignorant." added Anton.
Says the man who doesn't even know what a banknote is, added Watanabe silently. He was hiding his anger at the casually racist remarks coming his way lest he be outed as the so-called heathen he was.
"Then, Your Reverence, I humbly implore you to continue on with the conversion of this heathen before proceeding with the blessings of my troops. As an officer loyal to Grand Preacher and Brassicus Prima, I am getting uncomfortable seeing a heathen in this realm and would be most glad to see one exterminated to be reborn as a believer."
Exterminate, huh… I'm afraid of what this man would do if I hadn't announced my willingness to convert, thought Watanabe. He shivered at the thought that he might have died here with zero harem members to his name.
"Then, Most Honorable Sir Captain Hans and Sir Watanabe, we shall at once go forward with this hallowed ceremony so that we may cleanse this land from one heathen!" said Anton who was infected by Hans' overt display of zeal.
Watanabe and Anton got back inside the temple, Hans again got on his horse and rode towards his men. He quickly informed them about Watanabe's ceremony. The men, who were hungry for some sort of revelry and were tired of standing around by now, began flooding the temple. The seats were quickly filled by the soldiery.
Watanabe and Anton were on the stage in the middle. Anton had already gotten everything ready for the ceremony. There was an altar, in which sat dried cabbage leaves in a bowl, a cup full of water and a small fire lit in a tiny brazier.
"Ahem! Please, be quiet honored sirs of this congregation. Brassicus Prima doesn't like those who disrupt temple ceremony nor does He like those who talk idly." The rowdy men were quickly quieted by the threat of divine punishment by Anton.
After having ensured the rule of peace in the temple. Anton began his long and winding speech. "Today, all the good gentleman in our congregation shall see how the truth of Brassicus Prima as delivered by Holy Theodore, blessed be His name, has permeated throughout the wide world, and how his light and forgiveness may reach even the grandest of sinners or the most ignorant of heathens." Anton then pointed at Watanabe while he continued to speak, "This honorable man, Sir Watanabe of Nihon, has traveled a great distance from lands far of the east - or south - by the orders of his Lord Nanashi Inai, to observe the sacraments of these hallowed Brassican lands."
The men were deeply touched by the story of the deeply pious Watanabe, and a few of the most zealous among the crowd even began shedding tears.
"There are no reasons to shed tears of pity, dear congregation, for what ye shalt observe today will instead move ye to shed tears of joy. Indeed, this man shall be reborn in front of thine eyes, welcomed into the bosom of our mother, the Brassican Temple. As stated in the Cruciferous Codex, which never deviates even a letter from the truth, Brassicus Prima shall forgive the even the gravest of sins of a heathen who shall accept Him into their heart. So, what can one do, except shed tears of joy seeing a man reach the state in which he will be sure to sit with Holy Theodore, blessed be His name, on his throne along with all his virtuous followers in paradise?"
Watanabe had almost begun sleeping when Anton concluded his speech. "So, dear congregation, it is time for ye to bear witness to the rebirth of a heathen, which I hope will be a lesson to all of us sinners to reconsider our path in life and correct ourselves like this esteemed gentleman." Anton then took the dried cabbage leaves. He lit the cabbages on fire, collecting their ashes after they were burnt. He mixed the ashes with water, creating dilute lye water.
Holding the cup filled with the lye water, Anton turned towards Watanabe. "Like this cabbage, which sprung up with the blessings of Brassicus Prima, thou hath come from Brassicus Prima. Like the cabbage when it was burned and turned to ash, thou too in the end shall become ash." Anton then handed the cup over to Watanabe. "Now, as thou art not cabbage but man, who hath been given the power of choice by Brassicus Prima to whether or not to end up in the underworld or in paradise, I ask of thine choice, Sir Watanabe. Do thou, with all thine due conscience, accept the truth as prophesized by Holy Theodore, blessed be His name, that thou come from Brassicus Prime and will return to Him in death?"
"Yes, I do, Your Reverence." answered Watanabe. He was the only person in the temple who had any experience in dying, so he actually was more qualified compared to the preacher to tell them about what happens after death.
"Dost thou accept the Cruciferous Codex to be your only guide, to not hold a letter of wrong in its page and that thou shall attempt thine best as a flawed man to follow it?"
"Yes, I do, Your Reverence." answered Watanabe who was starting to get bored of answering.
"Then, be forgiven of all thine past sins and strive not to commit more as thou cleanse yourself and earn a seat in paradise." said Anton. He handed over the cup to Watanabe.
Watanabe stared at the cup with the murky, ash-laden water. "Uhm… Am I supposed to drink this?" he asked.
"Yes, Sir Watanabe, thou must drink it to cleanse thyself." answered Anton matter-of-factly.
This is going to suck, thought Watanabe. He closed his eyes, and quickly gulped down the lye water. He felt a horrible bitter taste, his throat burning as the liquid raced down his throat.
Damn ye all who are holier-than-thyself, thought Watanabe again. He tried his best not to regurgitate what he had just drunk. While the rest of the temple felt honestly touched in their hearts, Watanabe just felt touched in his stomach. Our hero dreaded to think what ingesting lye would do to his digestive system.
"Thus, a heathen is reborn. Long live Brassica!" shouted Anton as the crowd joined him in chants of "Long live Brassica!".
