Gotham has been disappointing. I didn't think that I'd be setting up in Tim Burton's Times Square or anything, but I figured I'd have gotten someone to take a seat by now. I mean, I've been in this city for only three days, and I'm already running out of shuffling tricks. I even had to look up some tutorials online for new ideas, a betrayal of my integrity so egregious that I'd still be showering off the shame if it wouldn't have been hell on the water bill.
I glanced down at the empty top hat sitting bottom-up next to the leg of my folding table, it's empty depths mocking me. I can't allow myself to scowl at it, lest I compromise my wholesome visage, but I promise I am on the inside, where it counts.
I heard the coo of a pigeon and my gaze shot down the street, just as my ears began to pick up on the two approaching passersby.
"Dad, seriously, you don't need to escort me," a young voice insisted. "I'm telling you that I would have been fine on my own."
One of them was an early-teens girl with red hair. The other was a middle-aged man, likely her father, with brown, greying hair, glasses, and a moustache. He probably wouldn't pay me any mind on a good day, but I might be able to reel the girl in.
"And I'm telling you that this is how it's gonna be until you can drive," her father responded.
I pull my eyes away from them and kick my shuffling into overdrive, shifting from technique to technique on the fly. Riffle shuffle, Strip shuffle, Hindu shuffle, back to Strip, Mongean shuffle...
"You mean that this is how it's going to be until you can get your car back from the shop," she jabbed with a sly smirk.
As the two steadily approached my table, I glanced upwards one more time. The pigeon was still innocently perched atop a nearby streetlight, meeting my gaze.
"Not afraid to rib your old man, 'eh?" he laughed.
Showtime.
"Afternoon, you two!" I greeted. Their pace halted and their focus shifted to me. Attention grabbed; a good start.
"Hello," the father unsurely responded. "Can I help you?"
A non-dismissive response; better than what I got in Central, but I'm not home-free yet. Just play it cool, keep up that smile, and reel them in.
"Actually, I was hoping to perform for you two on this fine afternoon!"
"I'm sorry, what?" the father asked, taken slightly aback.
I was taking a risk being ambiguous, even if I was whimsically so, and I couldn't lose them now. The girl was quiet, but she was also glancing down at my hands. I hadn't paused my shuffling since they approached; she was interested.
"Well, everyone needs a bit of magic in their lives, right?" I questioned, gesturing to the seat across from mine. "Why don't either of you take a seat and I can give you some of mine?" I showed off my enchantingly pearly whites and increased the intensity of my shuffling. I move on to the Dynamo flourish; everyone loves the Dynamo flourish. The girl was now openly entranced by my technique. Come on, take the bait.
"Thanks, but I think we're fine," he said by way of rejection, starting to walk away. No, no, come on, turn back-
"W-Wait, hold up!" the girl called to her father, stopping his departure. Thank God.
"Barbara, we really should get going," her father urged.
"C'mon, dad!" she pleaded. "It's not like he's going to do anything! A-and you owe me for embarrassing me in front of Dick at school!"
Yeah, pops; don't ruin Barbara's day any further. I mean, c'mon: you made her look bad in front of Dick? Dick?! You owe her, big guy, so just take a bite and…
"Alright, alright," he ceded. Hook, line, and sinker!
"Yes!" she cheered, taking her seat. I couldn't tell if she was grateful that she got to watch me play with cards or if she was just prideful that she managed to get her father to do what she wanted, but either way, yay, money!
"Wonderful! You're a lucky one - Barbara, was it?" I asked. She nodded in response. "Fantastic! You're a lucky one, Barbara, because I have a brand, new trick that I've just been dying to try." She seemed excited, if not cautious of the possibility that this might be awful, my act being but humble street magic and all. Which, I can't lie, hurts worse than a gunshot, but these are the sacrifices I make in this line of work. Regardless, I am confident in my ability to wow, so I begin.
"At the risk of sounding cliché," I drew five cards, facing them towards the table and being very careful to keep away from my view, "could I ask you to pick a card?" She chose the center card, a five of spades. "Now, please memorize it." Following my instruction to her satisfaction, she nodded and looked up to me again. "Splendid! Lastly, please fold that card as many times as you can, being sure that I can't see it, and then throw it into this hat," I place the top hat between us on the table, "right here."
As she folded the card, I glanced towards her father, who seems to just be observing my act, but a part of me is wondering if he might be getting a little too curious.
"Okay," she murmured to herself, having finished folding her card and dropping it into my hat.
"Wonderful!" I cheered, clapping my gloved hands together, which brought her father's attention back to the trick itself. I draw five new cards from the deck and knowingly pick the seven of hearts, seemingly at random. "Is," I flipped the card's face to Barbara, "this your card?" She was visibly confused. I must have picked the wrong card. Whoops.
"Um…no?" she answered awkwardly.
"Truly?" I responded, feigning shock. I faked a convincingly confused expression as I turn the card to face myself this time. "Hm, seems we've had a mix-up. Hold on." I raised up a gloved finger and reached my other hand down into the hat, pretending to search for the card inside. Barbara became even more confused at my antics. Even her father seemed addled.
"Is this a part of the act, or-?" but before her father could finish, I pulled my hand out of the hat, dramatically flourishing the five cards I found inside it. Both are shocked, and the questions flashed briefly in their eyes all at once: where did he get those cards? Wasn't that hat empty? How did he do that?!
"Okay," I casually stretched, preparing for my finish. "Let's try that again." Without looking at any of the five cards, I showed them to Barbara. "Are any of these your card?"
Barbara let out an astonished gasp: all five of them were a five of spades. Classic.
"Oh, my gosh!" she laughed, amazed.
"Woah!" her father cheered with unequal but still present enthusiasm. "Now, that's something!"
"Thank you, thank you." I bowed in my seat as if I had just finished a grand trick for an entire theater. "You are both far too kind!"
"H-How did you-?" Barbara started.
"Ah, ah." I wagged a finger. "You know how we magicians are with our secrets." Despite my shutdown, she was still overcome with awe, her smile reaching all the away up to her eyes. That face, that look of wonder and amazement, could have kept me going for the week.
Which is what made me feel like crap for doing this.
"Um, not to sound greedy," I finally spoke, looking to her father, "but would you please?" I gestured to the hat. "A man has to eat, after all. Even the magic ones!"
"Oh, sure," he acknowledged, taking out his wallet and fishing for a bill. As he moved to hand the sum to me, something suddenly collided with his hand.
"W-what the-?" he let out in shock. He dropped his wallet, its contents scattering over the sidewalk. Barbara and I both rose from our seats, astonished, though my reaction was again feigned. A pigeon, the culprit of the assault, boldly landed right in front of his property, pecking at them. I felt my body tense as it struggled to flip his credit card. Barbara's father started trying angrily to scare the pigeon away, hissing, "Shoo! Beat it, you little-!" After it had seemingly observed his property to its satisfaction, the bird took off up, disappearing over the buildings.
"Are you okay, dad?!" Barbara asked, concerned and befuddled.
"Yeah, yeah," he assured her, collecting his belongings. "Just a darn pigeon. Freakin' sky-rats," he mumbled.
"Wow," she breathed. "What are even the odds, right? That was crazy!"
"Yeah…" His voiced trailed off. For a moment, he seemed to be considering what exactly had just occured. N-no, there's no way he'd...
"You're sure you're alright, sir?" I inquired, performing concern to distract him from his thoughts. "That was all a quite dramatic, even for my tastes!"
"Yeah, I'm fine," he grumbled, apparently not appreciating my humor. He seemed to remember something at that moment, turning back to face me. "Oh, yeah," he re-offered his twenty-dollar bill to me. "Here."
"Oh, right!" I said, feigning forgetfulness. I accepted my payment and let out a small laugh. "I think even I had forgotten about that after…well, that!"
"Heh, yeah," he agreed, this time allowing himself to chuckle, his brief suspicions hopefully forgotten.
"Well," I breathed, looking back to Barbara, "I hope you still enjoyed my show?"
"Oh, definitely!" she said, her smile returning to her. "You were amazing! Though the after-show was a bit much," she joked. I suppressed a flinch, forcing out a laugh.
"Well, criticism is always welcome!" I facetiously assured her.
"We'd better get going, Barbara," her father said, gesturing for her to follow him.
"Yeah, right behind you," she responded, turning back to me. "Thanks again!"
"I'm just happy to share the magic!" I said, bowing one more time. "I, The Breathtaking Balthazar, hope that we may meet again!" I was lying.
"Bye!" she said, waving behind herself as she ran to catch up to her father. I returned it, stepping back towards my table and taking my seat. I watched them until they crossed the street on the other side. I looked down the other side of the block, checking for other passersby. Spotting none, I let out a relieved, tired sigh, fully relaxing my whimsical character. Before long, Dalf landed on my shoulder.
"You got it, right?" I asked him.
"Of course I did, boy," he chided. "You would even question?"
"Hey, we can all make mistakes. Even you." With a flick of my wrist, a blank, plastic card appeared in my hand. I finger-flicked the card once, and like magic, the white card changed to the same blue as Barbara's father's card. "Alright: number?" Dalf cooed the answer, and I flicked the card again, his number appearing on the new card. We repeated this process for every important detail, just as we had done so many times before, until the new credit card was indistinguishable from his. We'd created a perfect replica. "A job well done," I let out in a sigh.
"You were sloppy, as usual," he remarked critically.
"I did fine!" I responded defensively. Dalf said nothing, but if he had eyebrows, I'm sure he'd by raising one. "Oh, come on; they loved me!"
"They were losing interest," he noted.
"That's the point! Creating a false sense of doubt is essential for subverting the expectations of your audience."
"And that name, too," he snorted. "So ridiculous."
"What the hell is wrong with you?! The Breathtaking Balthazar is the perfect title! It has alliteration, a-and a sense of scope, and-!"
"Scope and alliteration will not feed us, boy! You took unnecessary risks that almost cost us our prize."
"Hey, it's not like you did your bit perfectly," I shot back. "We almost didn't get his serial number because you apparently can't flip a freaking credit card."
"Do not change the subject!"
Dalf cooed angrily, flapping his wings and stomping his feet in response to the indignity.
"H-hey!" I yelled, attempting to shield my face from his tantrum. "Cut it out, you disease-ridden-!"
"Arrogant, undisciplined-!"
Dalf cooed even louder, sounding more like a crow than a pigeon at that point, and swept himself up to land on my head, resuming his stomping up there.
"You little-!" I franticly stood, the folding chair skidding against the pavement, and began swatting at the bird. "Knock it off, damnit!"
Dalf finally gave in and took off to avoid my swats, flying in a small circle above me before landing on the table in front of me. I slumped back into my chair, letting out another beleaguered sigh before looking back at the card, and I can't help but feel a little proud. I'm ashamed of the scam, but I still thought it was impressive whenever we pulled it off. It took a considerable amount of planning the first time we tried it, and we weren't even close to successful then. Hell, we probably have a twenty-to-one ratio of failure and success with it, but those times when we do succeed, times like this, felt pretty good. And hey, we did it together. Me and Dalf.
"Well," I mused, a small smile forming on my face as I gesture with the card to Dalf, "we did get a good meal or two out of it, right?"
Dalf was silent for a moment. "I suppose you at least deserve recognition for that."
I raised a gloved fist to him, which he rolled his eyes at before meeting it with a light peck to my middle knuckle.
"Anywho," I straightened in the chair and slipped the card into my pocket, "the show must go on. Places, people, places!" I demanded of no one, clapping my hands like a stage director.
Dalf shook his head and took off, resuming his vigil atop the streetlight. I took in a deep breath, preparing myself for whichever unfortunate wallet may approach next.
Like I said, I know it's not right. Tricking people, stealing from them; some people might not believe me, but I hate it. But the fact of the matter is, when you're as low as I am, when it's either this, nothing, or worse than nothing, you have to look out for number one. Oh, and your pigeon sidekick.
...okay, fine, pigeon familiar.
"Focus, boy." I looked down the sidewalk, sighting two more people crossing the corner.
And hey, it's not all dishonest. That feeling of joy and awe I give them is real enough, and I genuinely love giving it to them. It's nowhere near an equal trade-off, and I have no delusions that it is, but like I said, it's better than nothing. And I sometimes wonder if maybe, someday, I could live purely off of that joy.
But for now, I, The Breathtaking Balthazar, have to get on with the show.
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Have you ever wondered what it would be like if Harry Potter committed credit card fraud? Well, now you know!