QM Note: Trying a new stylistic thing. Ruby text will occasionally appear over dialogue--this indicates the implication of the statement or things left unsaid, in place of having Homura clarify things internally when body language descriptions might not be enough. This is purely a trial run of the idea, and I'd appreciate people's thoughts on it.
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[ ] Trust her. Tell her everything. You know she'll do her best, but it's hard to predict more.
-[ ] Make sure we don't have any unwanted listeners before explaining things.
You consider it for a moment, Madoka quietly watching you, looking curious as you obviously contemplate something.
"I owe you an explanation, don't I? We have some time alone now, after all."
She nods, smiling weakly, "
I'd really like to know, but I understand if you aren't ready, wehihi..." She trails off with a forced laugh.
You take a deep breath, sitting back and resting your hands on the arms of your chair, "Alright. It's...it's going to be a long story."
She nods slightly, leaning forward and putting on a serious expression, "It's okay. I can listen as long as it takes." She fidgets just a bit, and you know she's really excited about this, even if she's trying to keep a straight face.
"Alright. It started...I don't know how many years ago. I had just gotten out of the hospital for the first time, and I was terrified..."
The telling is long. Long, and painful. Madoka...she doesn't always take it well. You can see her heart breaking as you describe your friends dying, as you tell her how it felt, watching her die against Walpurgisnacht.
The second loop goes a bit better, but you hate how calm she is when you tell her about Kriemheld, looking only regretful.
The third loop...
"...and--and--" You stutter, genuinely, for the first time in a long time, "--and you told me you didn't want to become a Witch." You're crying. You've been crying for a while. It almost feels good, after so long.
She stares at you for a minute, confused, before her eyes widen, "...Homura-chan. Please, please tell me I--I didn't ask you to--!" You bite your lip and nod, not able to say it.
"...That's too cruel...how could I..." She buries her face in her hands, sobbing, and you reach out towards her, only to hesitate halfway. What can you really do to help? You literally killed her. You failed her for
a long time. You don't have the right to--
She's still crying, and you're just watching.
You stand, idly noting that the arms of your chair shattered in your grip, and walk around the table. Firmly, decisively, you pull her into a tight hug. It doesn't matter if you have the right to help, or if if you've hurt her horribly, or anything else. This isn't about your feelings, or your guilt. It's about her.
As she hugs you back, you don't feel any great happiness or satisfaction. You don't feel like you've earned something, or been rewarded. It's almost unpleasant, something you never would have imagined you could feel about a hug from Madoka.
All you feel is guilt and shame. For having failed her before. For shooting her. For hurting her by telling her now. It's painful.
But she's clinging to you, and her tears are soaking your shirt, and you're glad it helps her, at least a little.
"I-I'm so sorry, Madoka. I-I never wanted to--" You try to stammer out your apology, but she only sobs harder, pulling you into a tight, choking embrace that makes breathing difficult.
"N-NO!!!" Your ears ring with her half-scream, close as she is, "I'M sorry! I should never have made you...made you...I should never have made you k-kill me. I should never made you live with that. I shouldn't have told you to go back and save me. I-I'm so, so sorry. That--I don't--I
hate that I did that to you. That I-I just made you do everything on your own. Even--even if you had to go back, I shouldn't have--it was so selfish to ask you to save me! I...I'm
so sorry, Homura."
You hug her tighter, not knowing what else to do, as your mind whirls. It's ridiculous. Insane. She has nothing to regret. She did what she had to--she couldn't shoot herself, after all, not in that kind of pain, and there was no denying she needed to die--Gretchen would have killed the city, at a bare minimum. Asking you to stop her...it was what she had to do. There was no point in feeling bad for asking you to go back and save her, either--you'd have absolutely done it, no matter what.
'She didn't do anything wrong--she just did her best to save everyone. So...why is she apologizing?'
'Why. Are. You. So. Damn. Dense. Homura. I...NOPE. This is your problem!
The two of you remain there, for a while. Madoka sobbing. You holding back tears as best as you can, not letting her see how much it hurts.
Eventually, she slowly pulls back, "A-ah, I'm sorry, Homura-chan. A-about your shirt, a-and--"
She looks up at your face, finally, and her expression turns to confusion, "H-Homura-chan?"
You're not sure what she's seeing. You don't know what your expression is, anymore. It's all just heat and pain and numbness, "I...I shot you, after that. One shot to the Soul Gem. And then I went back and tried again. And I failed. I failed again, and again, in spite of how much I cared, in spite of what you gave up to give me that chance, I still...I still failed. I've always failed. I'm...I'm so sorry, Madoka."
She stands now, and hugs you again...and now you're the one crying, and she's the one being strong, and you can't hold back the wrenching, choking sobs. You stammer out stories--half-told, half-forgotten memories--and she just holds you, listening, and letting you break a bit, without saying anything. After a while, even as more words force themselves from you, you begin to wonder what she thinks of you. If she thinks you're weak for this, or if she hates you for the things you're telling her. Shame and disgust burn in your stomach at how pathetic and childish you must seem right now, crying over things long dead and done, and you wish she wasn't here--you wish you could just be alone, where no one had to see this. In the back of your mind, you can feel Kyouko's faint presence, but she seems to be pointedly looking away, giving you privacy as best as she can. You'll never dare thank her for it, but you
are thankful.
Eventually, your emotions subside, and you pull back; you find Madoka wearing a strange expression. A weak, fake smile, her lips trembling and her eyes still dripping with slow tears, "It's okay. I...I can never, ever thank you enough, for doing all of this. You've...you've really been my best, most precious friend."
Finally, after all of the pain and guilt, you feel something positive. Relief, and a small hint of satisfaction at her gratitude, even if you're not sure you deserve it.
The two of you stand there for a few seconds, looking at each other, neither of you sure what else there is to say. Eventually, she speaks up, "S-so...what about this loop? I-it seems like things are different, this time."
You jump on that, the tension leaving you suddenly at the change in topic, "Y-yes. T-this loop's been different. Here. Let's sit back down. It might still take a while, even if it's just been a few days."
She nods quickly, looking almost as relieved as you are, and both of you quickly return to your seats.
"Things got very strange this loop. There have been a bizarre number of anomalies I can't explain. Including actual anime characters and Kyouko."
'Hey!'
You feel a small smirk tug at your lips as Madoka looks at you quizzically.
"It all started with Nanoha and Sachiel..."
You explain at length--the abnormalities, Sayaka's sword, Igor, Kyouko--you tell her everything that has happened, and everything you are worried may come to pass...except for certain private thoughts on personal issues, like your father. You trust her, but you've felt enough emotion for one day.
And she listens. Compared to the emotional outpouring of a moment before, the current Madoka is calm--not serene or peaceful, but focused and determined, occasionally jotting notes into a notebook. Hearing everything you say, considering it, and trying to determine the best way to deal with it.
After you're done, she sits there for a moment, considering it, before asking, "So...um...did Kyouko see everything, um, before?" She blushes a bright red.
'NOPE! This is awkward enough without me sticking my nose into that kinda thing.'
Sighing in relief at her reassurance, you shake your head, "No. She gave us some space, once things got intense."
Madoka's blush dies down as she lets out a matching sigh, "Oh, thank goodness. Alright, so. Sayaka might be a problem. We both know she's going to slow down exactly long enough to get her confidence back, and then she'll do something reckless again."
You nod in casual agreement, "Of course. She may wait a bit more because I told her to, but it won't last long."
"It'd probably be best if you try to get me over here if you're busy, and she's not playing games. Minimize her opportunities to hurt herself."
"That's probably the best option." You agree, "I'll try to give her plenty of supervised training time, too. Maybe keep her from getting too impatient. Will you keep an eye on Kyouko, while you're dealing with Mami? She's much more stable, but she's been through a lot recently."
She jots something down, "Easy enough. Anything I should watch out for?"
'Hey, come on, at least consult me!'
"Panic if she stops eating." You explain, ignoring Kyouko's bark of protest.
You're struck by sudden vertigo and lose vision in your left eye--Madoka's eyes go wide immediately, staring as you steady yourself on the table., "Umm, your eye, it's..."
'Red, yeah. Listen, 'Doka--get that girl out helping people. Not hunting familiars, but out saving people in danger. She's gonna bitch a lot, and she might go through some rough patches, but it'll help her come around in the long run. She's in a lot of denial, and thinks she's a walking curse, so you're gonna have to push through that.'
Madoka just stares for a moment, then hesitantly nods, "Alright, I understand. I'll...call if I have any questions?"
'Good plan. Homura can patch you through.'
The dizziness fades, and you take a deep breath, speaking aloud, "Alright, thanks Kyouko. I was getting around to it."
'Yeah, well, you should asked me faster. Besides, it's payback for that call you made yesterday.'
You suppose that's fair, and turn back to the conversation with Madoka.
"Sorry about that. She really wanted to say her piece."
Madoka smiles, "It's fine. It looked like she might have been a bit rude, but it
was good advice. Anyway, that's our 'core' group accounted for. What about the other ten?"
"You believe Igor, then?" You ask, not having been entirely sure yourself.
She smiles, "I'd like to, and, even if he's lying, I think trying to find friends to help with Walpurgisnacht makes sense anyway, right?"
You nod, not having much of an argument, "It isn't like the previous approach was successful, despite everything I've done. This is worth a try." With the two of you in agreement, you move on to answering her question, "Nagisa...I need to find out more about her. Kyouko?'
'She visits the Church on Sundays. She has a sick mom, who's turned real nasty since she got ill. I think Nagisa's still hoping for a happy ending, but...I don't see it happening. She'd need just the right Wish.'
"Apparently, her mother's sick, and she's become cruel because of the stress. Kyouko doesn't think it will end well, and the fact she stops showing up after a while makes me think she's right. She either doesn't Wish, and leaves out of despair, or Wishes and Witches--knowing Kyubey, I'd bet on the latter. He's a good salesman."
Madoka nods, "Alright, that's something we can work with. Can magic heal her mother?"
You frown, "I'm not sure. I don't know the details, but maybe Ruki can do something. That may not be enough to save Nagisa, though, with how their relationship's become."
Her lips tighten, "Hmm. Maybe Kyouko should go talk to her, and try to learn more?"
You raise an eyebrow, "Which one? My Kyouko can probably do it, but having the other Kyouko save her would help that Kyouko, too."
She considers it, "That would be better for time, but you need to build connections with them. Maybe you should visit her as Homura, or with Kyouko along."
That
is true.
"Alright, I'll work something out. That leaves complete unknowns, Kirika, Oriko, and Azumi--the one from the gift I got, and the one from SAO. They might be the same person."
Madoka bites her lip, "Umm...I don't know about the one from SAO. I guess, maybe? We could find her in person, maybe...I don't think she'd have anything to say online. She's really just very--"
Your eyes narrow, "...Do you know her or something?"
She blushes, then sighs, looking oddly put out, "...Alright, look. I...don't tell Sayaka, okay? This is really embarrassing."
"What? Did she do something to--"
"
I'mAzumionline." She stammers out, the words coming out in a blur as she looks down.
"Slower, maybe?" You ask, not sure what she said.
She sighs, "The Azumi you met online was me. I bought her NervGear after she signed on and got scared, and I thought that, maybe, I could help Sayaka more if I wasn't Madoka. She wouldn't need to be as nice to Azumi, I thought, and maybe I could figure out how to help her. I kinda forgot about most of it once we got to playing, though, and now I'm stuck."
You wonder how long you'd have gone without finding this out, if you hadn't been so up front with Madoka. You might have spent weeks chasing a wild goose.
"Oh."
"Mhm. So...you'd want to talk to the real one, if you think she might be special. She goes to our school."
"Alright. Umm...nice shot with Diavel."
She smiles, "Thanks! I knew you'd finish him, if I could just get that crit in!"
"So...can you try to get a meeting set up with Azumi?"
She nods, still blushing, "Yeah, I can do that. She's pretty reclusive, but she'll probably listen. We're almost friends, I think. I'll leave Oriko and Kirika to you, then, unless you want me along?"
You consider it. Having her along for that kind of social affair could be good, but Oriko and Kirika are strange. You'll need to think it over.
"Maybe. I'll get back to you?"
She smiles, "That's fine. I'm going to be pretty busy already, and I don't know them well enough to be much help."
"Alright. It's a start. Tell me if you see anyone else who looks like they might Contract--they're a likely suspect for these "friends.""
"Alright! Oh, what are we calling them, then? Friends is a bit generic, and 15 is too."
You think it over, "Arcana, maybe? For the tarot cards."
She nods, "Okay." She pauses, "I...I'm going to go talk to Yuuko-san later."
You sigh, but nod, "If it keeps you away from Kyubey, I'm all for it."
She looks you in the eye, making her intentions clear, "I still want to become a Magical Girl, but maybe I can avoid rushing, this way."
"Alright. Just...be careful. I think she's dangerous too, in her own way." You really want to stop her, but that's not something you can readily do.
"I will. So...what else? Do we have other plans, or anything else you want me to look into?" She asks.
You think it over.
[CENTER OF THE MIND]
Time: 5:23:07 P.M.
Date: Sunday, March 20th
Grief: 274/1000
Sanity: 408/1000
Stability Multiplier: 2.0
[ ][Madoka]Write-In Ideas and Suggestions
[ ][Next]Play some SAO. The Mikis are in there, after all.
[ ][Next]Study something.
-[ ][Next]Write-In Book/Topic
[ ][Next]Go Somewhere
-[ ][Next]Write-In Location (and Objective, if you have you have one in mind)
[ ][Next]Look for the Velvet Room (You should find it easily.)
[ ][Next]Write-In
