How queen Visenya reborn as Daenerys Stormborn deals with her destiny.
Queen Visenya Targaryen mother of dragons ( An Asiof story)
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Queen Visenya Targaryen mother of dragons (AN ASOIAF STORY)
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Prologue: Ice
Hi. This is my first real attempt at writing something and I thought I'd start posting it here and see how it goes, since I know there are a lot of other ASOIAF stories on this forum. This is a reincarnation story of Visenya Targaryen sister of the conqueror as the youngest daughter of mad king Ares. i.e Daenerys Stormborn.
Beta-read by @jbsgs
Anyways : prologue
A sudden shiver grasped me, almost making me fall and crack my head on the hard floor of Dragonstone castle. I caught the open jaw of a stone dragon carved on the wall to steady myself and tried to stand up with all my strength, but another shiver made my efforts futile. My blood felt like it turned into ice!
This time, I couldn't stop my descent to the floor and my jaw met the cold stone. Pain flared up everywhere and blinding darkness started to creep within the edges of my vision.
I have been poisoned, I realised, in my castle, my own home, where I lived my life and shared it with my siblings.
Bitter hatred flared up in my heart.
This must have been the work that Pentoshi whore Tyanna! No one else would dare or even have the means. How I wish I could make my Vhagar turn her into ashes, but I can't seem to even muster the effort to get up, let alone ride my dragon.
My brave Maegor, surrounded by enemies and traitors. My son… I can't leave him alone in such turbulent times.
But alas, another shiver took away all my warmth and I succumbed to darkness.
Ps - It's my first try at writing something I'd appreciate feed back from readers. I also have this work on alternatehistory
Beta-read by @jbsgs
Anyways : prologue
A sudden shiver grasped me, almost making me fall and crack my head on the hard floor of Dragonstone castle. I caught the open jaw of a stone dragon carved on the wall to steady myself and tried to stand up with all my strength, but another shiver made my efforts futile. My blood felt like it turned into ice!
This time, I couldn't stop my descent to the floor and my jaw met the cold stone. Pain flared up everywhere and blinding darkness started to creep within the edges of my vision.
I have been poisoned, I realised, in my castle, my own home, where I lived my life and shared it with my siblings.
Bitter hatred flared up in my heart.
This must have been the work that Pentoshi whore Tyanna! No one else would dare or even have the means. How I wish I could make my Vhagar turn her into ashes, but I can't seem to even muster the effort to get up, let alone ride my dragon.
My brave Maegor, surrounded by enemies and traitors. My son… I can't leave him alone in such turbulent times.
But alas, another shiver took away all my warmth and I succumbed to darkness.
Ps - It's my first try at writing something I'd appreciate feed back from readers. I also have this work on alternatehistory
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- Italia
I would suggest you get yourself a spell-checker and beta-reader. While asking for readers for feedback for any minor errors you might've left around in the draft can help, I think you really need someone with good basis of grammar and punctuation to help you out. The idea is good, the determination is most needed- but you still need to work on some elements within the chapter. I hope you get someone to give you some help about this, this idea is good and you shouldn't give up on it just because someone will critics you harshly.
Good luck and kudos for braving the storm that is writing a story!
Thank youvery much for your suggestions i really appreciate it.
Chapter 1: Storm
Hello. My first chapter was a very short one but i shall try to rectify that next chapter.
chapter 1: STORM
I woke up to a sea of unending darkness and sky of vast emptiness. But even that couldn't extinguish the storms of emotions raging within me. Me, I was nothing , no form , no body, no eyes, mouth or limbs but couldn't stop the storm of shame and anger i was feeling. Queen Visenya the Targaryen, rider of dragons killed by a whore in her own home, oh how my enemies would have laughed on my fate if i had kept them alive. Shame, shame i felt for i died like my poor nephew Aenys in his own home killed slowly through poison. Shame i felt when i had to kill him to save the realm for he was weak both in life and as a ruler. Shame, i felt as i killed the last living memory of my beloved Rhaenys. Rhaenys, wouldn't she be happy too of my disposition, happy that she got a warrior's death unlike me, dead of poison and stuck in a limbo of a dark afterlife. How i wish i could go back and change every thing, wish i could go back.
As i was busy contemplating my emotions the darkness around me seemed to churn coming together to assemble in one place, almost like the darkest sheet of satin pulled to one corner of bed. Then from the darkness something emerged. Thing would be the best way to describe it, with vast dark black wings like a the dragon blackdread, sprouting from its back and large horns just as dark as his wings jutting from where there is probably it's head, next a dragon like tail and talons became visible but the rest of it was of a man. A well built man, tall and well defined like a valerian warrior of old, as if carved from the whitest marble and glowing like faint moon on a cloudy night. Unclothed as it was it's phallus became visible , it was errect and larger than any I've ever seen. Had i been young and a maiden I'd have fainted of shyness and lust but i was none and thus i only felt weary. Then it's face become visible from the shrouded darkness and i saw the face crowned by a mane of silver hair, the arrogant smirking face of Aegon.
If i had a body it would have burnt from the anger and loathing i was feeling for the being to take the face of my arrogant dead brother.
Words came out from my non existent mouth " what are you and why am i here?"
The being gave a cruel smirk and said " I am whom you worship as Balerion the bringer of death"
Fear gripped me by knowing what entity is in front of me and i couldn't reply him back.
He continued " I've heard your pleadings of going back and I have decided to answer "
Hundreds of thoughts and emotions worsened the already on going storm in my heart and all I could answer was a timid
"why?"
The being started floating forward through the sea of darkness, his face became emotion less and he said "Arrax gifted your ancestors with dragons and Gaelitox gave them fire. Agarax gave motion and Meleys let them bond. Virmithor in his jealously of your ancestors created the Dragon binder horn and paid for his transgression dearly. But, when your ancestors drunk of their powers became arrogant and as destructive as the dragons they rode we all gave them doom. Tessarion in her pitty gave your ancestress dreams which took her to your island. And now that balance of life and death is going to be destroyed I have decided to give you my own gift but everything has a price"
Comprehending what the being was trying to say i understood that what was happening and asked with as much courage i could muster "what price? " the being quirked the edges of his lips and said
"Time, time passes differently in the realm of dead that in the realm of the living for the time you are here a long time has passed in your world. So the first price is time and there is another which you will know later. I am sending you back to live among your disgraced descendants to do whatever wrong and right you feel like to do, but know that there is one more price"
" what price i asked? " he came closer and replied " you will have to do my one bidding and it is something you cannot deny as punishment for that would be something you can't even imagine"
"fine" I said with a trembling voice and the being came much closer and cupped my cheeks, i suddenly had a form and a face the being then kissed me between my brows and said, "goodbye"
And suddenly there was unending light and the world shattered like a mirror of large dragonglass and light poured from every edges of every piece and fragment and i started to burn. As i looked around to everything happening in agony i noticed the face of the being so close to me, He had an unnatural smile on his face so horrifying and chilling that the earlier chill of poison felt like piece of ice to a glacier. The fractured pieces of the world all showed reflection of that being. He was everywhere with the same chilling smile but his faces were different, one looked like my Maegor, another like Aenys, another like bastard Orys, one more like the cunning Velarion , there were several more like father, Aegon the second, the babe Jaeherys, of so many people i knew and didn't. All of them several thousand were there and they were smiling at me with the same unnatural smile with the same intensity and that was the last thing i saw before everything faded away with the burning light.
Dragonstone, 284 AC
I came to my senses with a deafening crack of thunder, great winds are raging like the roars or anguished lord Vaghar and it was raining so heavily that if felt like whole world would be flooded. The strom clearly reflected the storm of emotions within me and i became unbridled and cried. But my cries didn't sounded like a grown woman but to my surprise it came out as a newborn babe. I was lifted up and placed on something soft my hands of a giant and when my murky vision cleared up enough i saw the deathly pale face of a valerian women so much alike my Rhaenys and in front of her was a silver hared little valerian boy no older than 10 namedays. The woman gave a strained smile and nodded to the boy to come closer she then pulled me closer and i realised i was the newborn babe. She held me and looked at the boy and said " This is your little sister, precious than all wealth please take care of her when i can't because she'll be only one your own in this big lonely world my son. I name her Daenerys Stormborn."
A great thunder cracked outside and the woman closed her eyes , the little boy cried and i knew no more.
I hope you guys like this chapter it's bigger than the prologue and i tried my best writing it. English isn't my first language so please ignore some of my mistake I'll to do better next time.
In the next chapter there will be a time skip. I'm trying to write a grey character so your opinions are important for it's development. Feedback of my readers are appreciated.
chapter 1: STORM
I woke up to a sea of unending darkness and sky of vast emptiness. But even that couldn't extinguish the storms of emotions raging within me. Me, I was nothing , no form , no body, no eyes, mouth or limbs but couldn't stop the storm of shame and anger i was feeling. Queen Visenya the Targaryen, rider of dragons killed by a whore in her own home, oh how my enemies would have laughed on my fate if i had kept them alive. Shame, shame i felt for i died like my poor nephew Aenys in his own home killed slowly through poison. Shame i felt when i had to kill him to save the realm for he was weak both in life and as a ruler. Shame, i felt as i killed the last living memory of my beloved Rhaenys. Rhaenys, wouldn't she be happy too of my disposition, happy that she got a warrior's death unlike me, dead of poison and stuck in a limbo of a dark afterlife. How i wish i could go back and change every thing, wish i could go back.
As i was busy contemplating my emotions the darkness around me seemed to churn coming together to assemble in one place, almost like the darkest sheet of satin pulled to one corner of bed. Then from the darkness something emerged. Thing would be the best way to describe it, with vast dark black wings like a the dragon blackdread, sprouting from its back and large horns just as dark as his wings jutting from where there is probably it's head, next a dragon like tail and talons became visible but the rest of it was of a man. A well built man, tall and well defined like a valerian warrior of old, as if carved from the whitest marble and glowing like faint moon on a cloudy night. Unclothed as it was it's phallus became visible , it was errect and larger than any I've ever seen. Had i been young and a maiden I'd have fainted of shyness and lust but i was none and thus i only felt weary. Then it's face become visible from the shrouded darkness and i saw the face crowned by a mane of silver hair, the arrogant smirking face of Aegon.
If i had a body it would have burnt from the anger and loathing i was feeling for the being to take the face of my arrogant dead brother.
Words came out from my non existent mouth " what are you and why am i here?"
The being gave a cruel smirk and said " I am whom you worship as Balerion the bringer of death"
Fear gripped me by knowing what entity is in front of me and i couldn't reply him back.
He continued " I've heard your pleadings of going back and I have decided to answer "
Hundreds of thoughts and emotions worsened the already on going storm in my heart and all I could answer was a timid
"why?"
The being started floating forward through the sea of darkness, his face became emotion less and he said "Arrax gifted your ancestors with dragons and Gaelitox gave them fire. Agarax gave motion and Meleys let them bond. Virmithor in his jealously of your ancestors created the Dragon binder horn and paid for his transgression dearly. But, when your ancestors drunk of their powers became arrogant and as destructive as the dragons they rode we all gave them doom. Tessarion in her pitty gave your ancestress dreams which took her to your island. And now that balance of life and death is going to be destroyed I have decided to give you my own gift but everything has a price"
Comprehending what the being was trying to say i understood that what was happening and asked with as much courage i could muster "what price? " the being quirked the edges of his lips and said
"Time, time passes differently in the realm of dead that in the realm of the living for the time you are here a long time has passed in your world. So the first price is time and there is another which you will know later. I am sending you back to live among your disgraced descendants to do whatever wrong and right you feel like to do, but know that there is one more price"
" what price i asked? " he came closer and replied " you will have to do my one bidding and it is something you cannot deny as punishment for that would be something you can't even imagine"
"fine" I said with a trembling voice and the being came much closer and cupped my cheeks, i suddenly had a form and a face the being then kissed me between my brows and said, "goodbye"
And suddenly there was unending light and the world shattered like a mirror of large dragonglass and light poured from every edges of every piece and fragment and i started to burn. As i looked around to everything happening in agony i noticed the face of the being so close to me, He had an unnatural smile on his face so horrifying and chilling that the earlier chill of poison felt like piece of ice to a glacier. The fractured pieces of the world all showed reflection of that being. He was everywhere with the same chilling smile but his faces were different, one looked like my Maegor, another like Aenys, another like bastard Orys, one more like the cunning Velarion , there were several more like father, Aegon the second, the babe Jaeherys, of so many people i knew and didn't. All of them several thousand were there and they were smiling at me with the same unnatural smile with the same intensity and that was the last thing i saw before everything faded away with the burning light.
Dragonstone, 284 AC
I came to my senses with a deafening crack of thunder, great winds are raging like the roars or anguished lord Vaghar and it was raining so heavily that if felt like whole world would be flooded. The strom clearly reflected the storm of emotions within me and i became unbridled and cried. But my cries didn't sounded like a grown woman but to my surprise it came out as a newborn babe. I was lifted up and placed on something soft my hands of a giant and when my murky vision cleared up enough i saw the deathly pale face of a valerian women so much alike my Rhaenys and in front of her was a silver hared little valerian boy no older than 10 namedays. The woman gave a strained smile and nodded to the boy to come closer she then pulled me closer and i realised i was the newborn babe. She held me and looked at the boy and said " This is your little sister, precious than all wealth please take care of her when i can't because she'll be only one your own in this big lonely world my son. I name her Daenerys Stormborn."
A great thunder cracked outside and the woman closed her eyes , the little boy cried and i knew no more.
I hope you guys like this chapter it's bigger than the prologue and i tried my best writing it. English isn't my first language so please ignore some of my mistake I'll to do better next time.
In the next chapter there will be a time skip. I'm trying to write a grey character so your opinions are important for it's development. Feedback of my readers are appreciated.
I'd appreciate anyone willing to beta-read for me