I'm a bit worried about giving my villains too much spotlight. This story is meant to be about the characters we all know, after all. Thoughts?
I'm also worried about how I portray Mami. I can instinctively tell it's sub-par, but I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I also worry about portraying Mami under-competently because there's a lot I despise about that kind of character.
Chapter 3: Implementation
Thankfully for the Coalition, crossing Kasamino was not difficult. Yori had recommended they not get an apartment as it would be too easy to find them if it came to it, and suggested they sleep under a bridge instead. For some reason she couldn't understand for the life of her, everyone had shouted at her for it!
Her Infilitration plan, however, was adopted. Yori had stolen an Iphone before leaving, and used the Internet to check several important things. First, she looked up (and stole the ingredients for) fake tears. Second, she had found an old Court case in which it was agreed Mami could live on her own but a Guardian would have to check up on her (a case which included Mami's current adress). Finally, Yori had persuaded the Coalition's derogatorily named 'Fifth Girl' Aimi to use said Iphone to scan online maps of Mitakihara and create a physical map for when their connection was inevitably cut.
"Yukiko", explained Yori as they walked, "Speed is absolutely essential to this operation. As soon as we strike, Kyubey will inevitably alert Setsuko's fanatics to our location. After my 'Train Bomb' trick, Setsuko will most certainly take the land route, which would take about a day. That means we must conquer Mitakihara in one day if we are to suceed-"
"Hey Yori", interrupted Yukiko. Yori sighed- her lecture had gone in one ear and out the other, hadn't it? "What?" she replied, figuring she may as well get this over with.
"Have you heard the one about Hayate?", continued Yukiko. "His parents are dead, but he can't keep the ashes! It would be possession of a Class A drug!"
Yori stared blankly at her. She was telling a joke about dead parents. When she knew Yori's parents were dead and when she had dead parents herself!
"Stop it!" screamed Yori. "Stop being dumb!"
"Your face is dumb!" shouted Yukiko in response.
Yori screamed incoherently, lunging at Yukiko and pulling at the tufts of her hair. Yukiko fended off her strikes with one hand whilst pulling at Yori's own hair with the other.
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Eventually, the two of them had stopped fighting and reached the front door of Mami's apartment. The fake tear equipment had been applied to make the ruse work then carefully discarded. To be on the safe side, Yori had given Yukiko strict instructions to let her do the talking.
"We'll need to make up for lost time", added Yori, "We're half an hour behind schedule."
"It's your fault!" replied Yukiko. Yori glared at her in response, before knocking on the door.
Needless to say Mami was quite surprised when she opened the door. Her maternal instincts kicked in even before Yori started talking. She didn't recognise either of them, but she could see from the rings they were Magical Girls.
"Tomoe-san", started Yori, fake tears falling down her face, "H-h-hi, we're, we're- Yori and Yoriko, from the Coalition-"
Mami had heard of the Coalition, primarily from Kyoko as she was closer. Apparently some Magical Girl named Toshiko had recruited allies, promising them they could live like Queens, and started one of the largest turf wars she had ever heard of. One of them had slaughtered the family of a powerful and influential Magical Girl known as Setsuko, who had sworn to kill every single member to avenge her family. Outnumbered four to one, the Coalition was in desperate straits.
"-and we want out! Toshiko's been forcing us to kill people and we don't wanna any more! Please, Tomoe-senpai, help us!"
Something didn't seem right about this. The tears looked real enough, but something about the way Yori were speaking seemed a little... fake. All of the Coalition's warriors were said to be ruthless killers. Maybe they were faking redemption as a last ditch gambit to escape Setsuko's wrath?
Still, Mami was a defender of justice. She knew for a fact that Setsuko would kill both of them if she could, whether innocent or guilty. Even if she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt they were guilty, it was still true that everyone deserves a second chance. Kicking them out would be the same as signing their death warrant.
"Would you like something to eat?", asked Mami, now in a more compassionate variant of her patented 'Senpai Mode'. "You must be starving after coming all this way."
"N-no thank you", replied Yori, making sure to keep her head down to avoid giving away her facial expressions, "We should be going to bed now."
Yori had originally planned for them to stay up and gather intelligence, but Toshiko had warned her she was an utterly terrible liar. Even if Mami hadn't the time to look up fake tears on the Internet, after a few hours talking she would definitely be suspicious.
Mami simply smiled, opening her fridge. "I have ice-cream", she added.
"Gimme gimme gimme!" shouted Yori and Yukiko, almost in unison. Mami smiled, serving it up as quickly as she could as the two dug in. Yori knew this was a dumb idea, but she couldn't help it and damn it she was literally ruining her own plan over ice cream!
Mami still wasn't sure what was going on here. It didn't make sense that the notorious Coalition, who were already surrounded on three sides, would pick a fight with a powerful fourth enemy. But something still didn't feel right.
If it was legitimate, though, then her two new kohais had gone through a lot and needed all the help they can get. From what Mami knew, they would have started killing at twelve. Even if Setsuko or Toshiko did come after them, in that event Mami resolved she'd let them rest a few days at least before going to battle no matter what. However brave a face they were putting on, they most definitely needed it.
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After the ice-cream was done, Yori had insisted on going to bed. And the same after the cake, chocolate cake, and chicken&rice. Finally, at about 10:00 p.m they had turned the lights out. Mami being Mami, she was sleeping on the couch while Yori and Yuriko shared the bed.
Yori was starting to get worried. The attack plan had agreed Toshiko's group would set off at 10:00 sharp. By Aimi's calculations, they would reach the apartment in fifteen minutes (or about two minutes from now, by that theory). Mami looked asleep, but looks could be decieving. Still, Yori had spotted alcohol in the fridge. The way she saw it, if Mami wasn't fooled she would have tried to serve some to get the truth out of them.
"Hey Yori", whispered Yukiko.
"Ssh!" replied Yori, still whispering. "We're supposed to be asleep!"
Unknown to both of them, Mami could hear every word. Their earlier behaviour was suspicious enough she was on high alert.
"Toshiko will be here in a minute or so, right?" added Yukiko, still whispering.
"Stop before she hears you!" replied Yori, barely whispering at all.
Mami's mind started racing. This would be tough...