The Prank - 96
As the older students begin to settle down for the feast, Dumbledore rises from his chair at the center of the teacher's bench and waves his wand for silence. The chatter of the hall stops almost instantly, and he begins to speak. "Many of you may have heard of the turmoil spreading through our society. I would just like to clarify. Absolutely none of the ideologies which are spreading through our society shall be propagated through Hogwarts. This is my vow as Headmaster, and I expect that it shall be enforced by the teachers and prefects alike." He then suddenly breaks into a bright, beaming grin. One that almost looks forced. "Now, without further ado, I give you the Sorting Hat for his annual song." The hall breaks out into polite applause, every student older than second year dreading what was to come.
As the Sorting Hat finishes his horrendous attempt at poetry, you and Sirius give each a glance, and matching smirks start spreading across your faces. The prank is coming. You can feel it deep in your bones, it will succeed. The Marauders have worked far too hard to ready this prank for it not too.
Professor Minnie begins the roll call by calling off "Armadill, Call." A tiny runt of a boy steps up, walking through the aisle between the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw tables. "Merlin, were we ever that puny?" Sirius wonders aloud.
"Don't bully the first years, you prat. Besides, you were that puny up until last year Black." Spits out the light of your life, the most beautiful and perfect human on the face of Earth, Lily Evans.
"Well see, that's just plain old bullying there Evans. No need to insult Sirius, he was just having a laugh." You retort, secretly delighted that she's talking to you. In the background you hear the Sorting Hat bellow "Hufflepuff!", and you tune out the gorgeous redhead talking to you, and look to the space right behind the teachers.
A firework lances out behind the teachers, before exploding a glorious mess of yellow and black, which forms the shape of a badger, pouncing on the air as it gradually dissipates. Many of the staff had turned in shock and fear, while Dumbledore sat there serenely, almost as if the old man had known all along what was going to happen. The students, on the other hand, erupt in applause, cheers and whistles. You and the other Marauders all sit up straighter, appreciative. The next new animation is two students later, when a mountain of a boy, named "Crabbe, Edgar" is sorted into Slytherin. The snake is green and silver, slithering around a little before it rears up and lunges, dissipating as it launches a brutal assault on Minnie. The audience breaks out in even more cheers, most of them coming from the Slytherin table. The next animation is a swooping bronze and blue eagle, as "Dime, Arvilla" had just been sorted into Ravenclaw.
"Merlin, we really saved the best for last, right guys?" Peter asks through a mouthful of chicken. You kick him hard under the table, even as Sirius says "Do you want us to be caught? Because you just gave it away, you absolute nonce."
"Sorry, sorry. I didn't mean to." Peter mewls as he rubs his shin. Finally, a Gryfindor is sorted, a girl by the name of Molly Prewett. The scarlet and red lion prowls behind the teachers before unleashing an ear splitting roar. You plow through another 2 plates before the sorting is over, and just before Dumbledore calls the prefects to lead the Firsties to their dorms, and you and Sirius enact the final step of your masterplan.
Getting Attention - 94
You and Sirius say "Sonorus!" while pointing at your throats, and then step up onto the table. "Fine Gentlemen and Fine Ladies of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry," You begin.
"It is our pleasure to announce the Final Scores of the Annual Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry Recruiting Competition." Sirius finishes for you.
The whole hall is silent, not a person moving amongst them. At the teachers table, Slughorn seems delighted, Minnie is fuming, and Dumbledore is unreadable as always.
"In last place, with 26 new recruits, is the house of the intelligent, of the twats, of the stuck-up bookworms, RAVENCLAW! Everyone give them a hand. Come on now, don't look at me like that! They gave it a good effort, but ultimately just couldn't compete due to their stringent swottiness." Sirius says.
"Aye, nothing you can do there. It's just not their fault, it's in their nature. Moving on," You say, before snickering. "Get it? Moving on, because we're literally moving up and down the table. Ah, don't boo that one. It was good. Ok, anyway, since you have no mind for comedic genius such as mine, we'll move on to third place. In third place, with 29 new recruits, is the house where the people who couldn't make it into any other houses go, the unremarkable, utterly boring, HUFFLEPUFF!" You receive dirty looks up and down the Hufflepuff table for that one, even as Sirius is being glared at by the majority of the Ravenclaws.
"Right, this next one pains me to say. In my humble, unbiased, professional, excellent opinion, the greatest house of them all has finished in second place. The house of the brave, of the bold, of the comedic geniuses, of the greatest wizard of our generation, and of so much more, it is my great regret to say that Gryffindor has come in second place with 40 new recruits." Sirius says in a somber, melancholic tone.
"I'm sure that many of you have come to the realization that we have had to grapple with. Due to how simple mathematics and logic works, this means that the slimiest house, the house of cheaters, of cowards, of supremacists and murderers, it is my very dubious honor to present you with the winner of the Annual Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry Recruiting Competition, Slytherin." You dejectedly finish, kicking your goblet off the bench before summoning it to your hand and draining it.
"It has been our pleasure to be your hosts for tonight, and we hope you have enjoyed our presentation on Hogwarts Weekly News Network. Tune in at this time next week for more. That's all for tonight. We've been your hosts Sirius Black and James Potter, and we're passing it back to the executives in the Directors Booth. Headmaster Dumbledore, coming to you." Sirius signs off, as you both whisper "Finite Incantem" and step down from the table to raucous applause from your audience. The high fives and whispered accolades from the rest of the table are endured by you two, shouldering the praise while Peter and Remus are afterthoughts in everyone else's mind.
You catch yourself sneaking glimpses at Lily every so often, trying to figure out what she thought of your performance, but she has already moved on. (Get used to it bud, you're the afterthought in her mind, like Remus and Peter are for everyone else. Just because you fancy her now doesn't mean that'll change. Unless…) A plot starts formulating. One where you will get closer with Lily, and by the end of the year you'll be doing all sorts of unseemly things to one another. Mini-you starts stirring and twitching at the thought, and you quickly realize you'll need a wank before bed. (Damn, how has she gone and got me like this when she barely ever talks to me? She's too perfect to ever talk to me I suppose. I guess I'll need to make it worth her while if I want a shot.) It's far too early in the year to be thinking these dejected thoughts, a corner of your mind says. There are countless hours you'll have with her this year, countless hours to reel her in with the Potter charm.
"Oi, stop staring at Evans, and bloody get up." Sirius says with an accompanying ear flick. "We're meant to be leaving now, if you hadn't noticed." You get up, and as Sirius turns, clout him on the back of the head.
"Shut up you prat. I told you that in confidence." You say, face reddening quickly.
"Jamie-wamie likes Evans?" Peter asks.
"Yes, now shut up or I'll make sure your lips stay together for the rest of the year. Permanent sticking charms are really a brilliant invention." You snap back, before attempting to get out of the seat and march away in one smooth motion. Somehow, you end up on your arse, with treacle tart splattered on the back of your neck. You strongly suspect Remus of being the cause of the tart, given his propensity to strike when you least expect it, and the fact he's holding a plate of treacle tart. Sirius simply stares at you for a few moments, before erupting in laughter.
"Merlin and Morgana, you must be the most clumsy person I've ever met!" He wheezes out, before going on to say something that could be understood as "Must have been the grease from Snivellus causing you to slip." This comment sends Peter into raptures, and Moony into a reluctant grin. You struggle to your feet, and send a harsh stinging charm at the git, who yelps and retaliates with a pustule hex, and you dodge before firing a-
"MR POTTER AND MR BLACK. ARE YOU TWO TRYING TO SET A RECORD FOR THE FASTEST DETENTION IN HOGWARTS HISTORY?" Professor Minnie is apoplectic. "DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE PRECEDENCE YOU ARE SETTING FOR THE FIRST YEARS? IF YOU WERE NOT SUCH EXCEPTIONAL STUDENTS IN SPITE OF YOUR LACK OF EFFORT, YOU TWO WOULD HAVE BEEN EXPELLED BEFORE YULE OF YOUR FIRST YEAR." You try and take her Sirius(and doesn't that bring a smirk to your face) "WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING ABOUT MR POTTER? DO YOU TRULY WANT DETENTION ON YOUR FIRST NIGHT OF TERM? BECAUSE I CAN ASSURE, DOREA WILL NOT STAND FOR THAT." At the mention of your mother you instantly wipe the smirk off your face, because the thought of her mad at Yule hols is terrifying.
"AND MR BLACK. I FAIL TO SEE WHAT IS HUMOROUS ABOUT MR POTTERS PUNISHMENT. REST ASSURED THAT IF HE DOES SUFFER A DETENTION ON THE FIRST NIGHT OF TERM, YOU SHALL BE JOINING HIM. I BELIEVE SHINING THE TROPHIES SHOULD BE AN APPROPRIATE PUNISHMENT. BY HAND. YOU WOULDN'T OBJECT TO THAT, WOULD YOU?" Upon seeing the look on Sirius's face, you fail any attempt you could make at controlling yourself. You burst out laughing, and he follows suit. Minnie simply clutches the bridge of her nose and sighs. "Go to bed. It is far too early in the term to be dealing with this." You and Sirius stagger up the stairs to the common room, howling all the while.
"Merlin save me from three more years with those two. I don't know how I'll handle it to be honest." Minnie mutters from the corner of her mouth. "Oh I'm sure they'll mature and calm down by Seventh Year. I'm so confident I'll make a wager. 20 Galleons on it." Albus Dumbledore responds. "I'll take that wager." She mutters back, eyes on the two boys as they saunter off in the wrong direction. "Merlin, they are going to go down in history, I can feel it."
"We can only hope it is for good reasons." Albus says somberly, before flapping his robes and walking off. Minnie catches murmurs that sound suspiciously like "I must get Severus to teach me how he does that.
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Actions
[X]{LOCKED}Marauder Activities: Pranking, sneaking out after curfew, hexing Slytherins and younger kids, you know, the usual.
[ ]Lily Evans: Does anything else have to be said? Well, if you insist. This will consist of you asking her out, conjuring up flowers and sweets, and generally using that Potter Charm(trademark pending) to get Lily Evans, the most beautifully, perfect, amazing, incredible, perfect woman in the world to let you take her to Hogsmeade. DC 100
[ ]Plan a big prank: Just what it sounds like. Whether the occasion is the first Quidditch Match, First Tests of the Terms, or Samhain, you need something big to spice up Hogwarts life. (Write in what the prank is and who is involved) DC Variable
[ ]Quidditch Training: Put in some Extra Work with the Gryffindor Quidditch team to make sure you smash the Slytherins this year. DC 30
[ ]Help some younger kids with a subject(Specify which) DC 45
[ ]Dueling Club: Hogwarts could do with a way to vent its frustrations. Maybe you should provide one. For a fee of course.(Certain people not permitted.) DC 60
[ ]Sneak some books out of the Restricted Section(+10 to rolls for certain projects and pranks. DM to find out.){Write in which subject they are on}
[ ]Study Group: You really hate studying. So does Sirius. But, you two are very good at most subjects. So why not start a group where you help people out a little, and you get answers and essays? What could go wrong, right? DC 50
[ ]Chess and Quidditch: You've always been bored with just Wizarding Chess and just Quidditch. So why not combine the two into a mini board game where you can make your own team, specialise it, and beat others. DC 85
[ ]Sneak into some common rooms(Specify which)DC 50
[ ]Write In with a Subject/Skill to Study DC Variable
Long Term Projects
[ ]Moony's alone time 1:Surely there has to be some way to help Moony with his Furry Little Problem. Maybe by Transmogrifying yourself and the other Marauders? Or enchanting some toys for him? Hmm, you wonder. So many ideas, so little time. DC 80
[ ]Detention Free…? 1: What if you made a map. A real time, live map of Hogwarts, with everyone on the grounds labeled, and all their movement tracked. DC 95
[ ]Always Watching 1: So you often get bored during your detentions. So what if you had some way of talking to the others? DC 90
[ ]How about some pets? 1: You want pets. You're too lazy to get them. So why not make some? Figure out how to transfigure yourself some vicious animals that will double as cute pets and defensive animations. DC 90
[ ]Candy Cartel 1: Those candies you made? They could be a hit. Take some ethical liberties on testing them, and just get to using them already. DC 40
[ ]Wizarding Cigarettererels 1: Whatever they're called, they seem very popular with muggles. So maybe with a few wizarding tricks and flips, they could make you very much money. DC 65
[ ]Hogwarts Radio 1: You mentioned a Weekly Radio station during the first prank. Maybe that should be a reality. You'll see. DC 70
[ ]Chess and Quidditch 1: You've always been bored with just Wizarding Chess and just Quidditch. So why not combine the two into a mini board game where you can make your own team, specialise it, and beat others. DC 85
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So I lied about when that update was coming. Oh well, it's here now, so.
