Mr. Cloak
Orchestrator of Paradoxical Apocalypse
- Pronouns
- I
So... Tuesday? No, that would be discovering that HE was Cthulhu and had tea with himself from the past.
Pocket System
- Thread starter theaceoffire
- Start date
- Crossover Fantasy
So... Tuesday? No, that would be discovering that HE was Cthulhu and had tea with himself from the past.
I thought that Cthulhu was simply sleeping, not in any way imprisoned?
Jordisk
<Unverified N00B>
- Location
- Blind Eternities
- Pronouns
- He/Him/His
He is dead. But for Old Ones, Great Old Ones, and Eldar Gods, the difference between Dead and Sleeping is a matter of perspective.
And length. Death for them is just a long nap after all.
Please let this come to be
And i want Cthulhu to be just so confused/proud about the whole thing, like a proud parent listen to their kid talk to them while having "teatime"
Nitronorm5688
The Armchair Reader
- Location
- Oakdale, CT
Rage Dad's thinking sense has gone bye bye.
Fragnostic
Cheshire
- Location
- Neko City
Knowing the author and his protagonists' luck, I give it a 75% chance Cthulhu is a smoking hot babe in this version of DC. And there will probably be very lewd subtext in their "teatime".
Wrong anime, bruh!
I'm more interested in John learning about the Electromagnetic Emotional Spectrum.
- Location
- France
Considering how powerful he is and could become, I wouldn't be surprised if he turned out to be Azathoth instead...
He's actually "stuck" in his city, which sank beneath the seas.
So as long as said city doesn't rise again, he's stuck in a half-dead, half-dreaming state.
But yeah, as an Eldritch God, that's essentially like taking a long nap while waiting for the alarm clock to start ringing.
"Kids these days... are actually doing pretty well for themselves. Good to hear!" -Cthulhu, probably.
Joke's on you, I'm into that shit!
- Location
- Paradise, Hawaii
If John meets the thing from beyond, what type of limbs will be involved?
Is it shifted to lewd or handholding in context?
Will Grace & Temptation just call it cuddling?
But back to John.
He healed her to best health or better. Is she going to out live both her husband and child?
Is she prevented from joining them in the afterlife?
If so, what bargain was struck? Did the healing act as a precursor for her to outlive everyone then become one of John's women? As the only alternative?
Who will he meet next? One of the Endless or Myx? Unless he meets Batmite. He is newer than Myx.
Is it shifted to lewd or handholding in context?
Will Grace & Temptation just call it cuddling?
But back to John.
He healed her to best health or better. Is she going to out live both her husband and child?
Is she prevented from joining them in the afterlife?
If so, what bargain was struck? Did the healing act as a precursor for her to outlive everyone then become one of John's women? As the only alternative?
Who will he meet next? One of the Endless or Myx? Unless he meets Batmite. He is newer than Myx.
Fragnostic
Cheshire
- Location
- Neko City
Does this qualify as TMI?Joke's on you, I'm into that shit!
Tentacleholding, probably. Imagine tangled hair, but with tentacles. And since no-one likes their tentacles being dry and rough, probably lots of fluids.
I meant tea, you degenerates!
Mr. Cloak
Orchestrator of Paradoxical Apocalypse
- Pronouns
- I
Ah yes, a texting skeleton of culture I see.Joke's on you, I'm into that shit!
- Location
- Here
I might just take Monday off, FYI, for my Birthday! Hee hee...
That said, I'm finding the most recent shenanigan's pretty off the wall and interesting, so we will have to see what happens.
Today's update will be on time though, regardless.
That said, I'm finding the most recent shenanigan's pretty off the wall and interesting, so we will have to see what happens.
Today's update will be on time though, regardless.
Happy early birthday ! I love this story and hope you have a great birthday!
Running away and getting a snack!
- Location
- Here
So uh, John just sort of ran far away randomly.
And now he was more than slightly lost. "Hey uh… Am I even in the same dimensional layer as Zatanna now?"
[[Grace: I'm tracking where you Transferred to at the moment, the module isn't SUPPOSED to let you use it like this within the same Realm and it messed up the sensing units…]]
Oops. "Well, you know… They were going to be doing more awkward family stuff. Or maybe that angry guy was going to yell at me, or Zatanna's mom was going to jump her dad, or all sorts of stuff…"
The blue liquid smoke surrounding him billowed oddly as a long claw neared his spine…
Dude, that's just rude. "Could you not, please? I'm a little busy right now."
[[...dni irt um rifih dni irt um rifih dni irt um rifih dni irt um rifih…]]
John moved to one side, letting the needle thin teeth pass by his limbs. "Should I wait for the modules to be calibrated, or should I just return to the Pocket entirely and aim towards some other research topic? I know sis had more than just that box as an option."
[[Grace: Your Body is still recovering from the time stuff you did earlier, it's why we didn't just replace it with something healthy to begin with.]]
Oh true, that was right! Silly John. "Well, uh… Then I could just Transfer again, I guess."
[[...dni irt um rifih dni irt um rifih dni irt um rifih dni irt um rifih…]]
He glared outside of the moment at the unseeable forces hidden behind the endless mists. "Could you PLEASE keep it down? I'm trying to talk to someone."
[[Grace: Honestly, I'm not sure HOW you moved here to begin with, wherever this place is. Your sister is reviewing the Transfer module as we speak, and I mean… it isn't SUPPOSED to work like this. I have no idea how you were able to use it at all!]]
He blinked. "Really? It's not that tricky." He tensed as a tongue almost licked his foot… Maybe it was a tongue? It had eyeballs and noses like a tongue, but it was hard to tell in this palace honestly with all this annoying mist everywhere.
Fuck it, this place was annoying. Plus, John was pretty sure he was falling right now (Through WHICH direction he was falling was hard to detect) and he wasn't looking forward to hitting a wall or floor or creature or whatever. "Here, let me give an example and you can activate all the sensors to watch me do it."
[[Grace: Wait, are you sure my Lord!? Your sister is sure she can map out how this all happened with a bit more time…]]
[[...dni irt um rifih dni irt um rifih dni irt um rifih dni irt um rifih…]]
Another shape began pushing through the fog, and this one was looking suspiciously clown shaped. "Yeah, I'm sure. This place sucks and I'd rather move along."
Right, tense like this, turn like that… "The trick to Transferring from one place to another within the same Realm relies on sort of unpowering the module in the middle of activating it, so it sort of stutters. Then you just have to move while staying still and stop without ceasing… It feels similar to how you sometimes have to follow advice you haven't heard yet from parts of yourself that they've forced you to forget, you know?"
[[Grace: …No, my Lord. I do not know.]]
Huh? "Really? It was a bit tricky to do the first time, but now that I'm actually focused on this rather than just fleeing in blind panic, this whole process feels less like a Transfer and more like a [[Step…]]"
And John Doe was gone, the blue fog shrieking in rage and sorrow and madness…
~~~Pocket System~~~
[[Step.]]
John blinked. "Huh. That middle part felt odd… Hey Grace, did something try to shift me in the middle of that?"
[[System partially distributed. Modules unaligned. Adjusting...]]
Wait, what? "Grace?"
[[Modules aligned. Internal connection fully restructured. Incident documented, reported for analysis.]]
John felt something slide back into place. "Hello?"
[[Grace: MY LORD! ARE YOU ALRIGHT!?]]
Oh good, that was working again. "Yep! Though I felt like something odd went down in the middle of it all. Something was trying to guide my steps, and I'm not quite sure what it was… It didn't sound or taste malicious, and it was pretty trivial to ignore, but I'm hoping you got some data with the sensors."
[[Grace: Something odd!? THAT was even WORSE than the FIRST time you did it! You barely used ANY of the Transfer module components, I'm going to need hours just to track where all your energy flows WENT during that mess!]]
Wow, that sounded like a hassle. "Would me [[Stepping]] again help in any way?"
[[Grace: No. You stay there, stay still, and STOP doing impossible things while we look into this, alright?]]
Easy peasy. "Will do! It feels a bit odd taking a [[Step]] like that anyway with my Body still not being aligned properly with local Time and twisted slightly out of context to Space."
[[Grace: Sigh… I wish I had my sister's job right now. Analyzing all those Scans of Magic will be far less stressful than verifying you haven't accidentally lost components somehow… Or determining if you forced new modules to come into existence by accident, which ALSO shouldn't be possible…]]
Yeah, that was his bad. Crud. "Would you like to take a short break? Get a snack maybe?"
[[Grace: I'll be fine, just… Wander around for a while, explore a bit, but PLEASE don't activate any other Pocket abilities for a bit, please? Not unless you are in danger or something, my Lord.]]
Can do! "Yes my angel!"
Ha, he could feel her blushing from here… Now, let's get a look around this place!
Very warm, sunny, he was in some sort of forest, and uh…
Oh dear. "Grace, am I still in the same Realm?"
[[Grace: Yes, why?]]
He stared at the distant creature eating the top of a tree clean. "I'm looking at an Argentinosaurus."
[[Grace: …I'm sorry?]]
Fair enough. "Basically a sauropod, or a long neck sort of like Little Foot from that movie we watched. But uh, very very big."
Looked a bit different than the ones in Jurassic Park though… More green and less brown than he had expected.
[[Temptation: FUCK Magic! Master, did you find DINOSAURS!?]]
[[Jessica: Let me see, let me see!]]
[[Grace: BOTH of you BACK OFF! I need those sensors for determining what…]]
[[Temptation: But sis! Dinosaurs!]]
Oh dear, this was getting a bit heated. "Grace, I'm sure you can spare a few sensors so the others can help me stay safe from any carnivorous dinos I may stumble upon? And Temptation, the sooner Grace can analyze what I did and how to track me, the faster we can mark this place for future visits and stuff…"
[[Temptation: …Fine.]]
[[Grace: Thank you, my Lord.]]
[[Jessica: I'm the older sister, so I claim camera control rights!]]
[[Temptation: WHAT!? NO FAIR, MISTRESS! MOVE OVER!]]
…Moving on then. "I'll just climb a tree or something. Hopefully that will keep me out of the way of anything until Grace gets my module issues straightened out, my Body gets back under my control, and will still give my sister and Temptation a good vantage point to see what other dinosaurs are in the area."
Ooh! He could take pictures! "This is going to be a GREAT thing to write about to my friends! Though I think Ferb and Phineas told me that they've seen a few after a time travel incident, it's still pretty neat…"
Oh the orphans and Steve and everyone else would likely appreciate the heads up too, but honestly? John felt like Phineas just connected more when it came to the odder things that they tended to bump into.
Hmm. "Wonder if these ones talk like the ones in Pebble's world?"
He should DEFINITELY confirm how sapient these things were before an issue came up.
Eventually ONE of these dinos would probably attack John at some point (Things just tend to end up like that), and John wanted to make sure he wasn't killing a person before trying to eat one of them.
…No wait, they were endangered. He should non-lethally stop any T-Rex or whatever from eating him, not just carve it up for some delicious, delicious prehistoric bacon.
John began to climb the nearest tree (MASSIVE things they were, over a building wide at the base of the trunk) while he internally debated between preserving dinosaurs (Because they were cewl) or finding a good combination of spices to marinate them instead.
And then he paused and stared, only partially up the trunk now that he could see better.
…That was a LOT of dinosaurs. And that was just what was visible from here… Wow.
What were the seven levels of conservation? Uh, System?
[[The seven levels of conservation are as follows: Data Deficient (DD); Least Concern (LC); Near Threatened (NT); Vulnerable (VU); Endangered (EN); Critically Endangered (CR); Extinct In The Wild (EW); Extinct (EX). Based on limited scans available, the observed species of dinosaurs would mostly fall under the level of Conservation Dependent (CD), as current information mark local species as Low risk, yet certain events may lead it to being a higher risk level.]]
Such as telling the world of this place full of dinosaurs, or if something like all those distant volcanoes erupting went off…
[[Information gathered highly implies that the marked volcanic activity is artificial and undergoing ongoing adjustment and monitoring.]]
Huh. "So what, this place is like a nature preserve?" That would make sense. Oh, the SCALE was incredible and beyond impossible for most countries to fund or maintain, but it did explain why these long gone animals were just wandering about like this.
[[Genetic alteration and adjustment has been detected within the limited data gathered. Vegetation has been modified to reduce a large swath of mutational options, increase sunlight conversion efficiency, enhance nutritional output…]]
Oh! "A big lab experiment then. Or maybe a personal garden or… Huh. Should I be concerned about the local deity or gardener popping up to yell at me for being on their lawn?"
[[Detected artificial systems maintaining the volcanic environment appear to have remained untouched for thousands of years. Ambient levels of Faith within accepted ranges for minor levels of deific activity. Estimated risk assessment is low.]]
…Hmm. "So probably not, then…" Which meant several things, which John considered as he resumed climbing up the wall-like tree trunk.
First! He could probably eat ONE or two dinosaurs without putting the species in general at risk, from what was scanned so far. And considering the absolute SIZE of some of these things, one dinosaur could weigh like 90 tons or so…
And sure, a good chunk of that would be stuff like blood (Water was heavy) and bones and scales and whatever. But even assuming a tiny FRACTION of all that was edible, like 9 tons or so, a single Argentinosaurus could still end up becoming like 36,000 steaks.
That was like 98 years of hopefully delicious dino-steaks, one per day for one person. Or if he split it with the girls and had it for EVERY single meal?
Well, they'd get sick of it no doubt, but all their meals would be covered for the next eight plus years or so.
Thankfully, John was one of the few people around who could STORE that much meat for so long without it spoiling or whatever… But still! That was a LOT of meat!
Of course, most dinosaurs weren't massive god like towers of existence like those bad boys and gals nomming on treat tops. Hey System, how much would like, the average dino weigh? Just out of curiosity.
[[The median mass of a dinosaur was determined to be 630 kg (1389 lb), or the size of an American bison, based on the largest published and most accurate data set available on Feb 18, 2015, from this Realm. Note however, that the dinosaurs observed so far at this location seem to be larger than the expected norms determined from fossilized remains.]]
John whistled as he slowly inched his way one piercing hand claw at a time upwards. "Over a thousand pounds is the MEDIAN!? That's still 2,000 steaks!"
Hell, considering how HUGE these things were, he better non-lethally deter any dino attackers just to prevent stuffing his Pocket with unwanted dinners! Sheesh!
[[Jessica: You can always recycle any extra stuff, you know. Not to mention we just need some Scans to Craft up some snacks without actually hunting or killing ANYTHING, right?]]
John blinked at that… "But… If I just clone a dino's body for meat, wouldn't that be lame?" Almost a betrayal towards the idealized goals of manliness! "I thought I was supposed to like go shirtless and punch a T-Rex out while defending the girls while they are wearing some sort of animal skin bikini thing?"
[[Jessica: Wait, what?]]
[[Temptation: YES! No sis, you stay out of this and do boring technical stuff. Master, you'll need to go out and defend my honor against a deadly foe and… Damn it, where did I store the Crafting pattern for that sexy body oil, my man needs to GLISTEN!]]
[[Grace: Don't put yourself in danger, my Lord!]]
[[Jessica: Aren't you like biologically 10 or something right now? I don't think you could punch ANYTHING out at the moment.]]
[[Temptation: He's fixing his Body NOW, which is good because I need to have the oil ready when he hits twenty two again and it will give me time to find the perfect 'cavewoman' outfit…]]
Hold up. "Wait, I thought Bamm-Bamm said EVERY man should do this sort of thing every so often?"
[[Jessica: Honey, that man was raised by wild mastodons. Please don't rely on him for social guidance.]]
[[Temptation: PLEASE be quiet Mistress! Master, fix your body faster! I'm off to find the smallest animal skin outfit pattern I can convince my prude of a sister to wear in public…]]
[[Grace: WHAT!? Don't you DARE, I need to fix these sensors for my Lord!]]
[[Temptation: Ooh, good point! We need the full data gathering abilities to record this for posterity…]]
John flushed as he felt the incredibly powerful emotions from the two women he was in a relationship with…
[[Jessica: …I'm just going to stay out of all this and focus on studying the whole impossible teleportation issue some more.]]
He winced again at the frustrated ranting and perverted giggling in his mind… Well, at least his girls tentatively seemed on board with his new dinner plans?
Best focus for now though.
Let's climb this stupid flat wall of a tree and find some vantage point where he could collect better data from!
Wait, he wasn't even close to the first branch yet after all this scaling so far?
…Damn this thing was tall.
And now he was more than slightly lost. "Hey uh… Am I even in the same dimensional layer as Zatanna now?"
[[Grace: I'm tracking where you Transferred to at the moment, the module isn't SUPPOSED to let you use it like this within the same Realm and it messed up the sensing units…]]
Oops. "Well, you know… They were going to be doing more awkward family stuff. Or maybe that angry guy was going to yell at me, or Zatanna's mom was going to jump her dad, or all sorts of stuff…"
The blue liquid smoke surrounding him billowed oddly as a long claw neared his spine…
Dude, that's just rude. "Could you not, please? I'm a little busy right now."
[[...dni irt um rifih dni irt um rifih dni irt um rifih dni irt um rifih…]]
John moved to one side, letting the needle thin teeth pass by his limbs. "Should I wait for the modules to be calibrated, or should I just return to the Pocket entirely and aim towards some other research topic? I know sis had more than just that box as an option."
[[Grace: Your Body is still recovering from the time stuff you did earlier, it's why we didn't just replace it with something healthy to begin with.]]
Oh true, that was right! Silly John. "Well, uh… Then I could just Transfer again, I guess."
[[...dni irt um rifih dni irt um rifih dni irt um rifih dni irt um rifih…]]
He glared outside of the moment at the unseeable forces hidden behind the endless mists. "Could you PLEASE keep it down? I'm trying to talk to someone."
[[Grace: Honestly, I'm not sure HOW you moved here to begin with, wherever this place is. Your sister is reviewing the Transfer module as we speak, and I mean… it isn't SUPPOSED to work like this. I have no idea how you were able to use it at all!]]
He blinked. "Really? It's not that tricky." He tensed as a tongue almost licked his foot… Maybe it was a tongue? It had eyeballs and noses like a tongue, but it was hard to tell in this palace honestly with all this annoying mist everywhere.
Fuck it, this place was annoying. Plus, John was pretty sure he was falling right now (Through WHICH direction he was falling was hard to detect) and he wasn't looking forward to hitting a wall or floor or creature or whatever. "Here, let me give an example and you can activate all the sensors to watch me do it."
[[Grace: Wait, are you sure my Lord!? Your sister is sure she can map out how this all happened with a bit more time…]]
[[...dni irt um rifih dni irt um rifih dni irt um rifih dni irt um rifih…]]
Another shape began pushing through the fog, and this one was looking suspiciously clown shaped. "Yeah, I'm sure. This place sucks and I'd rather move along."
Right, tense like this, turn like that… "The trick to Transferring from one place to another within the same Realm relies on sort of unpowering the module in the middle of activating it, so it sort of stutters. Then you just have to move while staying still and stop without ceasing… It feels similar to how you sometimes have to follow advice you haven't heard yet from parts of yourself that they've forced you to forget, you know?"
[[Grace: …No, my Lord. I do not know.]]
Huh? "Really? It was a bit tricky to do the first time, but now that I'm actually focused on this rather than just fleeing in blind panic, this whole process feels less like a Transfer and more like a [[Step…]]"
And John Doe was gone, the blue fog shrieking in rage and sorrow and madness…
~~~Pocket System~~~
[[Step.]]
John blinked. "Huh. That middle part felt odd… Hey Grace, did something try to shift me in the middle of that?"
[[System partially distributed. Modules unaligned. Adjusting...]]
Wait, what? "Grace?"
[[Modules aligned. Internal connection fully restructured. Incident documented, reported for analysis.]]
John felt something slide back into place. "Hello?"
[[Grace: MY LORD! ARE YOU ALRIGHT!?]]
Oh good, that was working again. "Yep! Though I felt like something odd went down in the middle of it all. Something was trying to guide my steps, and I'm not quite sure what it was… It didn't sound or taste malicious, and it was pretty trivial to ignore, but I'm hoping you got some data with the sensors."
[[Grace: Something odd!? THAT was even WORSE than the FIRST time you did it! You barely used ANY of the Transfer module components, I'm going to need hours just to track where all your energy flows WENT during that mess!]]
Wow, that sounded like a hassle. "Would me [[Stepping]] again help in any way?"
[[Grace: No. You stay there, stay still, and STOP doing impossible things while we look into this, alright?]]
Easy peasy. "Will do! It feels a bit odd taking a [[Step]] like that anyway with my Body still not being aligned properly with local Time and twisted slightly out of context to Space."
[[Grace: Sigh… I wish I had my sister's job right now. Analyzing all those Scans of Magic will be far less stressful than verifying you haven't accidentally lost components somehow… Or determining if you forced new modules to come into existence by accident, which ALSO shouldn't be possible…]]
Yeah, that was his bad. Crud. "Would you like to take a short break? Get a snack maybe?"
[[Grace: I'll be fine, just… Wander around for a while, explore a bit, but PLEASE don't activate any other Pocket abilities for a bit, please? Not unless you are in danger or something, my Lord.]]
Can do! "Yes my angel!"
Ha, he could feel her blushing from here… Now, let's get a look around this place!
Very warm, sunny, he was in some sort of forest, and uh…
Oh dear. "Grace, am I still in the same Realm?"
[[Grace: Yes, why?]]
He stared at the distant creature eating the top of a tree clean. "I'm looking at an Argentinosaurus."
[[Grace: …I'm sorry?]]
Fair enough. "Basically a sauropod, or a long neck sort of like Little Foot from that movie we watched. But uh, very very big."
Looked a bit different than the ones in Jurassic Park though… More green and less brown than he had expected.
[[Temptation: FUCK Magic! Master, did you find DINOSAURS!?]]
[[Jessica: Let me see, let me see!]]
[[Grace: BOTH of you BACK OFF! I need those sensors for determining what…]]
[[Temptation: But sis! Dinosaurs!]]
Oh dear, this was getting a bit heated. "Grace, I'm sure you can spare a few sensors so the others can help me stay safe from any carnivorous dinos I may stumble upon? And Temptation, the sooner Grace can analyze what I did and how to track me, the faster we can mark this place for future visits and stuff…"
[[Temptation: …Fine.]]
[[Grace: Thank you, my Lord.]]
[[Jessica: I'm the older sister, so I claim camera control rights!]]
[[Temptation: WHAT!? NO FAIR, MISTRESS! MOVE OVER!]]
…Moving on then. "I'll just climb a tree or something. Hopefully that will keep me out of the way of anything until Grace gets my module issues straightened out, my Body gets back under my control, and will still give my sister and Temptation a good vantage point to see what other dinosaurs are in the area."
Ooh! He could take pictures! "This is going to be a GREAT thing to write about to my friends! Though I think Ferb and Phineas told me that they've seen a few after a time travel incident, it's still pretty neat…"
Oh the orphans and Steve and everyone else would likely appreciate the heads up too, but honestly? John felt like Phineas just connected more when it came to the odder things that they tended to bump into.
Hmm. "Wonder if these ones talk like the ones in Pebble's world?"
He should DEFINITELY confirm how sapient these things were before an issue came up.
Eventually ONE of these dinos would probably attack John at some point (Things just tend to end up like that), and John wanted to make sure he wasn't killing a person before trying to eat one of them.
…No wait, they were endangered. He should non-lethally stop any T-Rex or whatever from eating him, not just carve it up for some delicious, delicious prehistoric bacon.
John began to climb the nearest tree (MASSIVE things they were, over a building wide at the base of the trunk) while he internally debated between preserving dinosaurs (Because they were cewl) or finding a good combination of spices to marinate them instead.
And then he paused and stared, only partially up the trunk now that he could see better.
…That was a LOT of dinosaurs. And that was just what was visible from here… Wow.
What were the seven levels of conservation? Uh, System?
[[The seven levels of conservation are as follows: Data Deficient (DD); Least Concern (LC); Near Threatened (NT); Vulnerable (VU); Endangered (EN); Critically Endangered (CR); Extinct In The Wild (EW); Extinct (EX). Based on limited scans available, the observed species of dinosaurs would mostly fall under the level of Conservation Dependent (CD), as current information mark local species as Low risk, yet certain events may lead it to being a higher risk level.]]
Such as telling the world of this place full of dinosaurs, or if something like all those distant volcanoes erupting went off…
[[Information gathered highly implies that the marked volcanic activity is artificial and undergoing ongoing adjustment and monitoring.]]
Huh. "So what, this place is like a nature preserve?" That would make sense. Oh, the SCALE was incredible and beyond impossible for most countries to fund or maintain, but it did explain why these long gone animals were just wandering about like this.
[[Genetic alteration and adjustment has been detected within the limited data gathered. Vegetation has been modified to reduce a large swath of mutational options, increase sunlight conversion efficiency, enhance nutritional output…]]
Oh! "A big lab experiment then. Or maybe a personal garden or… Huh. Should I be concerned about the local deity or gardener popping up to yell at me for being on their lawn?"
[[Detected artificial systems maintaining the volcanic environment appear to have remained untouched for thousands of years. Ambient levels of Faith within accepted ranges for minor levels of deific activity. Estimated risk assessment is low.]]
…Hmm. "So probably not, then…" Which meant several things, which John considered as he resumed climbing up the wall-like tree trunk.
First! He could probably eat ONE or two dinosaurs without putting the species in general at risk, from what was scanned so far. And considering the absolute SIZE of some of these things, one dinosaur could weigh like 90 tons or so…
And sure, a good chunk of that would be stuff like blood (Water was heavy) and bones and scales and whatever. But even assuming a tiny FRACTION of all that was edible, like 9 tons or so, a single Argentinosaurus could still end up becoming like 36,000 steaks.
That was like 98 years of hopefully delicious dino-steaks, one per day for one person. Or if he split it with the girls and had it for EVERY single meal?
Well, they'd get sick of it no doubt, but all their meals would be covered for the next eight plus years or so.
Thankfully, John was one of the few people around who could STORE that much meat for so long without it spoiling or whatever… But still! That was a LOT of meat!
Of course, most dinosaurs weren't massive god like towers of existence like those bad boys and gals nomming on treat tops. Hey System, how much would like, the average dino weigh? Just out of curiosity.
[[The median mass of a dinosaur was determined to be 630 kg (1389 lb), or the size of an American bison, based on the largest published and most accurate data set available on Feb 18, 2015, from this Realm. Note however, that the dinosaurs observed so far at this location seem to be larger than the expected norms determined from fossilized remains.]]
John whistled as he slowly inched his way one piercing hand claw at a time upwards. "Over a thousand pounds is the MEDIAN!? That's still 2,000 steaks!"
Hell, considering how HUGE these things were, he better non-lethally deter any dino attackers just to prevent stuffing his Pocket with unwanted dinners! Sheesh!
[[Jessica: You can always recycle any extra stuff, you know. Not to mention we just need some Scans to Craft up some snacks without actually hunting or killing ANYTHING, right?]]
John blinked at that… "But… If I just clone a dino's body for meat, wouldn't that be lame?" Almost a betrayal towards the idealized goals of manliness! "I thought I was supposed to like go shirtless and punch a T-Rex out while defending the girls while they are wearing some sort of animal skin bikini thing?"
[[Jessica: Wait, what?]]
[[Temptation: YES! No sis, you stay out of this and do boring technical stuff. Master, you'll need to go out and defend my honor against a deadly foe and… Damn it, where did I store the Crafting pattern for that sexy body oil, my man needs to GLISTEN!]]
[[Grace: Don't put yourself in danger, my Lord!]]
[[Jessica: Aren't you like biologically 10 or something right now? I don't think you could punch ANYTHING out at the moment.]]
[[Temptation: He's fixing his Body NOW, which is good because I need to have the oil ready when he hits twenty two again and it will give me time to find the perfect 'cavewoman' outfit…]]
Hold up. "Wait, I thought Bamm-Bamm said EVERY man should do this sort of thing every so often?"
[[Jessica: Honey, that man was raised by wild mastodons. Please don't rely on him for social guidance.]]
[[Temptation: PLEASE be quiet Mistress! Master, fix your body faster! I'm off to find the smallest animal skin outfit pattern I can convince my prude of a sister to wear in public…]]
[[Grace: WHAT!? Don't you DARE, I need to fix these sensors for my Lord!]]
[[Temptation: Ooh, good point! We need the full data gathering abilities to record this for posterity…]]
John flushed as he felt the incredibly powerful emotions from the two women he was in a relationship with…
[[Jessica: …I'm just going to stay out of all this and focus on studying the whole impossible teleportation issue some more.]]
He winced again at the frustrated ranting and perverted giggling in his mind… Well, at least his girls tentatively seemed on board with his new dinner plans?
Best focus for now though.
Let's climb this stupid flat wall of a tree and find some vantage point where he could collect better data from!
Wait, he wasn't even close to the first branch yet after all this scaling so far?
…Damn this thing was tall.
Isnt my realname
This isn't my real name.
- Location
- Not Here
He's climbing something's leg, isn't he.
- Location
- Sol;Terra;EU;D;NRW
For no discernable reasson I now require steak.
Despite having a nice serving of gyros earlier.
Curious indeed.
Pinning down which place with dinosaurs this actually is.. is rather tricky. Even in just DC theres multiple options.
At least one being a crossover with marvel.
Despite having a nice serving of gyros earlier.
Curious indeed.
Pinning down which place with dinosaurs this actually is.. is rather tricky. Even in just DC theres multiple options.
At least one being a crossover with marvel.
- Location
- My happy place
What the fuck John. Is he growing More Mad? I don't like this behavior, it upsets and worries me.
I... think... it was DC's The Way. .... Think Warhammer xxK's Web Way, but less universal, and more fucky with the everything.
I wonder if he ended up bringing who/whatever that being that was speaking to him along for the ride. Possibly even accidentally teaching on 'how to act human'.
Ending up with said student surpassing John in that arena. If only because he gave the final few pieces that allowed understanding to bloom.
...followed quickly by replacing any Madness causing Eldritch texts with Saner revisions. Would be kind of hilarious for the meanings to be almost completely different than what was pieced together.
Or, I suppose, that at least one of them was a book of Dating Profiles, and how to send a message over. Just not in any normally readable format to anyone outside of wherever the Eldritch beings are from. Thus massive details got missed or incorrect. Possibly even some profiles getting smooshed together as the format really isn't meant to be used as a book in 3D space.
At least one of the books is probably also poetry. I mean, there's specifically an Eldritch play, so why not. (Though in this theory, I half wonder what the fully 'translated' version is like. How much it differs from what we know about it. Given the whole 'play it perfectly' if that was the case, then it would be nigh impossible to do so. At least intentionally.)
That was on a whole different World, after all.
Ending up with said student surpassing John in that arena. If only because he gave the final few pieces that allowed understanding to bloom.
...followed quickly by replacing any Madness causing Eldritch texts with Saner revisions. Would be kind of hilarious for the meanings to be almost completely different than what was pieced together.
Or, I suppose, that at least one of them was a book of Dating Profiles, and how to send a message over. Just not in any normally readable format to anyone outside of wherever the Eldritch beings are from. Thus massive details got missed or incorrect. Possibly even some profiles getting smooshed together as the format really isn't meant to be used as a book in 3D space.
At least one of the books is probably also poetry. I mean, there's specifically an Eldritch play, so why not. (Though in this theory, I half wonder what the fully 'translated' version is like. How much it differs from what we know about it. Given the whole 'play it perfectly' if that was the case, then it would be nigh impossible to do so. At least intentionally.)
Well, at least it probably isn't a giant spider.
That was on a whole different World, after all.