- Location
- Birmingham, AL
Well, my birthday was just yesterday, so I finally got my hands on the latest Ace Attorney game: Spirit of Justice.
Our old heroic lawyer Phoenix Wright travels to the Kingdom of Khura'in, a small but deeply-religious country located in the Himalayan Mountains region, to visit his old friend and former-assistant Maya Fey as she completes her training as Master of the Kurain Channelling Technique. Of course, trouble immediately finds Nick, as he is quickly dragged into the bizarre court system of Khura'in, where defense attorneys are virtually non-existent and widely despised, and verdicts are handed down on the basis of Divination Seances.
Meanwhile, back in the USA, rookie attorneys Apollo Justice and Athena Cykes have their own share of troubles in having to face off against a visiting foreign prosecutor who also hails from the Kingdom of Khura'in.
Now that the basic synopsis is out of the way, onto my thoughts on the game: it's wonderful to play Ace Attorney again... though FUCK THE KHURA'IN COURT SYSTEM.
Good fucking god, this shit's almost as bad as the Cardassian court system. Khura'in is full of xenophobic lawyer-hating assholes. This 'system' is unbelievably corrupt, with its religiously-fanatical populace having an insane irrational hateboner for defense attorneys, a so-called Defense Culpability Act making it so that attorneys suffer the same fate as their defendents (most commonly the death penalty), and the trials decided by a haughty, pretentious, self-entitled teenage brat with the ability to reveal the deceased victims' last moments via Divination... and said visions are taken as infallible.
The first trial alone, there are glaring institutional flaws: trials are usually decided in just minutes, with the accused having no say whatsoever in confronting the accusations, the seance visions are presided over by a 14-year-old girl indoctrinated to see her word as infallible and indisputable (making her insufferable and conceited), and the visions themselves are highly vague and lacking in context. Oh, and to make matters worse, the prosecutor in the first case here is our usual hated asshat, Gaspen Payne (brother of Winston Payne), who has apparently fled to Khura'in and converted to the local religion simply to bask in the complete lack of lawyers present to debunk and humiliate him... and when Phoenix shows up to defend the unlucky kid charged with treason in this case (for supposedly stealing a priceless national treasure and murdering a security guard), he gleefully attempts to exploit the chance to get Phoenix killed via the Defense Culpability Act. Fuck you, Gaspen Payne.
And then there's the actual culprit of the case, Pees'lubn Andistan'dhin (continuing the long tradition of groan-inducing puns: Peace, Love, and Understanding), who is another recent convert who somehow made head priest in the chief temple of the country, who puts on an act of being an annoying hippy, but is in reality an obnoxious metalhead and the real thief behind the national treasure and the one to frame the poor kid Ahlbi Ur'gaid (I'll Be Your Guide) of the murder of the security guard Paht Rohl (Patrol)... who apparently also tried to steal the national treasure, but failed due to Pees'lubn already stealing it long beforehand.
Seriously, how incompetent can these people be to let a six-month foreign convert become head priest of their most important temple and guardian of their priceless relics!?
Oh, and promoting a continual failure like Gaspen to the post of Chief Prosecutor and revering him as if he were an actual hero. And letting a teenage brat have actual authority in a criminal case and treating her every word as if it were divine providence. Real easy way to royally screw up someone in the head like that (no pun intended... considering she's also the heiress and daughter of the country's queen).
God I hate this country already. And don't even fucking get me started on their goddamn fucking pretentious holier-than-thou shitlord of a prosecutor... I already want to carve his fucking eyes out with a spoon.
Plus there's this yet-to-be-explained hubbub about a bunch of rebels called the Defiant Dragons lurking about, and the big deal behind the King/Minister of Justice who is apparently a barely-restrained crypto-fascist in plain sight who I want to drive that fucking ciger of his through his eyes.
Something's rotten in the Kingdom of Khura'in... something foul enough to spark revolution...
Our old heroic lawyer Phoenix Wright travels to the Kingdom of Khura'in, a small but deeply-religious country located in the Himalayan Mountains region, to visit his old friend and former-assistant Maya Fey as she completes her training as Master of the Kurain Channelling Technique. Of course, trouble immediately finds Nick, as he is quickly dragged into the bizarre court system of Khura'in, where defense attorneys are virtually non-existent and widely despised, and verdicts are handed down on the basis of Divination Seances.
Meanwhile, back in the USA, rookie attorneys Apollo Justice and Athena Cykes have their own share of troubles in having to face off against a visiting foreign prosecutor who also hails from the Kingdom of Khura'in.
Now that the basic synopsis is out of the way, onto my thoughts on the game: it's wonderful to play Ace Attorney again... though FUCK THE KHURA'IN COURT SYSTEM.
Good fucking god, this shit's almost as bad as the Cardassian court system. Khura'in is full of xenophobic lawyer-hating assholes. This 'system' is unbelievably corrupt, with its religiously-fanatical populace having an insane irrational hateboner for defense attorneys, a so-called Defense Culpability Act making it so that attorneys suffer the same fate as their defendents (most commonly the death penalty), and the trials decided by a haughty, pretentious, self-entitled teenage brat with the ability to reveal the deceased victims' last moments via Divination... and said visions are taken as infallible.
The first trial alone, there are glaring institutional flaws: trials are usually decided in just minutes, with the accused having no say whatsoever in confronting the accusations, the seance visions are presided over by a 14-year-old girl indoctrinated to see her word as infallible and indisputable (making her insufferable and conceited), and the visions themselves are highly vague and lacking in context. Oh, and to make matters worse, the prosecutor in the first case here is our usual hated asshat, Gaspen Payne (brother of Winston Payne), who has apparently fled to Khura'in and converted to the local religion simply to bask in the complete lack of lawyers present to debunk and humiliate him... and when Phoenix shows up to defend the unlucky kid charged with treason in this case (for supposedly stealing a priceless national treasure and murdering a security guard), he gleefully attempts to exploit the chance to get Phoenix killed via the Defense Culpability Act. Fuck you, Gaspen Payne.
And then there's the actual culprit of the case, Pees'lubn Andistan'dhin (continuing the long tradition of groan-inducing puns: Peace, Love, and Understanding), who is another recent convert who somehow made head priest in the chief temple of the country, who puts on an act of being an annoying hippy, but is in reality an obnoxious metalhead and the real thief behind the national treasure and the one to frame the poor kid Ahlbi Ur'gaid (I'll Be Your Guide) of the murder of the security guard Paht Rohl (Patrol)... who apparently also tried to steal the national treasure, but failed due to Pees'lubn already stealing it long beforehand.
Seriously, how incompetent can these people be to let a six-month foreign convert become head priest of their most important temple and guardian of their priceless relics!?
Oh, and promoting a continual failure like Gaspen to the post of Chief Prosecutor and revering him as if he were an actual hero. And letting a teenage brat have actual authority in a criminal case and treating her every word as if it were divine providence. Real easy way to royally screw up someone in the head like that (no pun intended... considering she's also the heiress and daughter of the country's queen).
God I hate this country already. And don't even fucking get me started on their goddamn fucking pretentious holier-than-thou shitlord of a prosecutor... I already want to carve his fucking eyes out with a spoon.
Plus there's this yet-to-be-explained hubbub about a bunch of rebels called the Defiant Dragons lurking about, and the big deal behind the King/Minister of Justice who is apparently a barely-restrained crypto-fascist in plain sight who I want to drive that fucking ciger of his through his eyes.
Something's rotten in the Kingdom of Khura'in... something foul enough to spark revolution...