Scraped from here.
Party Planet
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Authors (And their reason of...
Party Planet
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Authors (And their reason of...
Party Planet (Stargate SG1, coauthored by Tabi & Sayle)
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Tabi
Expert Jissou Abuser
Scraped from here.
Party Planet
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Authors (And their reason of boring you with this bit): Me, and Sayle, have come up with an excellent little story for you. I hope you all enjoy it.
~-~-~-~
With a single expanding plume of what looked like water that promptly went 'kawoosh!' the Stargate slurped the plume back into itself, leaving only a shimmering wall of water held within the it's circle of engraved symbols, metal, and stone. One by one, a single person stepped out of the watery wall with soft and very odd suctioning sound. The first to appear was a well built man with gray white hair in uniform and wielding a single rifle. He looked around carefully. Finding only a neatly paved road and the DHD a little bit away, the old soldier relaxed slightly and moved forwards. Just as he did so, another appeared, this time a woman. With short shaggy hair, the scientist-soldier found her superior waiting for her and moved forwards with her eye along the sights of her curved P90. The last two visitors to this world entered from the stargate and the gate shut down. The third was a heavily build man with dark black skin and a well defined face, he had no hair that the eye could glean, and he wore only the face of expressively no expression at all. In his hand was staff that ended in a bulbed head, with another rifle slung around his shoulder. The last had a scholarly face of a young man, the historian and archeologist looked like a newborn babe in between the rest of the team, but he had his fair share of experience in battle and could hold his own relatively well.
A bird chirped and twittered, breaking the dramatic silence. Teal'c silently glared at the innocent avian, his finger tightening over the upper middle of his staff weapon. The feathery creature wisely flew away. Silence was restored.
The four had come to this planet to investigate it, to see if there were any technology to discover in order to defeat the Goa'uld once and for all. Anubis was still at large, and though his fleets were gone and perhaps so was he, the majority of the Goa'uld were still dangerous adversaries. The MALP had been sent to scout ahead and had sent back a video feed of a large city several miles ahead. There were forest trees some ways further beyond the paved roads, but the spires and towers of the city could be seen from afar.
"So...what do you think we'll find this time, Jack?" Asked Daniel conversationally, "So far we've encountered parasitic snakes, incorporeal goa'uld, man eating giant rats, and flying bird-"
"We agreed not to speak of that incident," rumbled Teal'c.
"Sorry."
"Whatever we find, whatever we do find, I'd rather you not jinx anything," replied the Colonel, turning slightly to look at the younger man, "You've a habit of doing that."
"What, jinxing?"
"Yes."
The four of them walked on, exchanging snippets and remarks to each other until they reached the edge of the forest. Teal'c still twitched every so often when a bird made it's presence known. Thankfully, he had not gone about shooting any of them when they reached the edge of the city. Numerous small farms and houses were scattered about here and there, with carts and horses with drivers with their whips cracking here and there. The city was much more visible now, with an impressive wall that stood hundreds of feet into the air. The city was colored bright gold and dark yellow by the setting sun.
They had stopped as they neared a large cart filled with wheat, a bearded farmer caught sight of them and quickly tossed a new bushel of wheat into another cart and made his way to them. Tall and muscled, the farmer was an imposing sight to SG1 as they had their hands on their weapons. However imposing the farmer seemed, he continued smiling as he spoke to them: "Welcome strangers, to my humble farmland, I expect you're heading for the city some ways further?"
"Yeah, pretty much," confirmed Jack, as Carter asked, "How do we get in?"
"Oh, just follow any of the roads, they all lead to a gate," said the farmer, who seemed happy enough to prolong his work just to make conversation, no matter how brief, "There, the guards will question you on your business and they will give you a pass, depending on whether or not you plan to stay, its a temporary one. Though, with this one at your side, I think you can persuade them to let you through anyway." The farmer chuckled and patted the jaffa's shoulder, "Tell a few jokes, make a few boasts, and you're in for sure!"
"Alrighty, thanks for the info," Jack thanked the farmer and motioned for the team start moving. It wasn't long before the four of them reached what was, thankfully, a rapidly decreasing line of people. Tucking their weapons into discrete sections of their packs, SG1 took their place at the very end of the line behind a dozen children and their harried looking mother. After listening to twenty minutes of a mother shushing a gaggle of children constantly whining about how they wanted to go someplace new, it was a god's blessing for SG1 to finally move forwards.
"NEXT!" Shouted a bored looking guard. He only gave them a cursory glower as they approached, speaking in a monotone, practiced, and well used line: "Hello, what is your business in the city?"
"We're explorers and traders from-"
"Here are your passes, try not to lose them. Temporary lodgings and hostels are plentiful, try not to get too drunk or we'll throw you into the cells with the rest of the drunkards," said the man very quickly with relief, all but throwing the passes at them before shouting, "NEXT!" SG1, surprised with the briefness of the inquisition, quickly passed the booth as a woebegone pair of men tried to bribe the guard with shiny trinkets.
They passed under what seemed like a short tunnel underground before emerging into a great bustling city and the beginnings of local nightlife. Stands were full of bartering men and women, their items of fruits, vegetables, packaged meat, livestock, candies, jewelry, and weapons filling the marketplace. Night began to fall, and lanterns were put up, bonfires were lit, and the smell of roasting meat and the pouring of mead and ale filled the air. SG1 had a fine time navigating the place, alleyways and streets crisscrossed the city, leading them to dozens of districts. It was only an hour, but Daniel was babbling about how the city had nothing to show that it was influenced or even conquered by the Goa'uld in the past.
"This place has never been touched by the Goa'uld," said Daniel quickly, running on only a single breath, "The architecture, the language, the writing, the culture is a mishmash; likely immigrants, and even then-"
"Daniel," ordered Jack with a small smile, "Breathe."
They had managed to trade nonessential items at a shop for some food, a stringy thin tough hand-sized bit of meat with a syrupy sweet-sour glaze.
"My hands are sticky," whined the Colonel as he tried to lick the glaze off his fingers.
"Mine aren't," said Daniel, he had wisely accepted parchment from the seller to cover the sweet meat with.
Teal'c raised an eyebrow, "My hands remain-"
"Colonel," called out Carter on the comlink, "Heads up, looks like Daniel is wrong about no goa'uld presence..."
Everyone tightened their hold onto their weapons at hand, except for Jack who was still dealing with the issue of sticky hands. They caught up to Sam, who had taken up position behind an alleyway. Some ways off were three Jaffa, they had the same symbol, a complicated semi-triangle with intricate lines, tattooed on their foreheads. Their staff weapons were propped up against the wall as they tinkered with the large pipe atop the ladder. Two were taking a rest, while another was apparently repairing the pipe.
"Jaffa," murmured Jack, sucking his thumb, "What the heck are they doin here?"
"Well, the people here don't seem to mind their being here," replied Daniel as he cautiously looked around the corner. The third Jaffa was climbing down and was offered a thin yellow paper cigarette by an old man in a turban and a rough-looking trenchcoat. The three bought several, exchanging money for the tobacco. The old man hobbled past them and stopped by the alley and blinked owlishly at the three men and women. Sam eyed the little man curiously as the turbaned elderly opened up his trenchcoat to reveal rows and rows of exotic looking cigars and cigarettes.
Jack eyed a particularly green cigar that bore an incredible likeness to cuban cigars. Daniel shook his head, while Teal'c exchanged money for several pink thin cigarettes. The old man counted the money and promptly left.
"Oi!"
They turned their heads to see the three Jaffa suddenly much closer to them than before, their hands automatically reached for weapons, but stopped when one of the Jaffa addressed them with, "You there offworlder! How many women have you bedded?"
Jack blinked, Sam felt her jaw drop, Daniel went beet red and began stuttering, and Teal'c looked...like he always did.
One of the jaffa, a young man of no more than sixteen pointed at Daniel and crowed laughter, "Why the stutter? He hasn't done any! Ha!"
Another, a burly hairy man chuckled, "The old man is probably too senile and infertile to boot! I've done sixty two virgins, and probably a dozen more tonight!"
Sam felt anger surge up, her eyes gaining a slight yellow tint as she imagine gelding these three men as they boasted of having taken their way with dozens of women in their lifetimes. That is, until the last one, a thin sickly looking jaffa, boasted about his wife "taking on a dozen men twice a night once a week" and had his back slapped as the other two laughed uproariously.
Jack, Sam, and Daniel gawked at the scene, at which point Teal'c straightened his back a little more and spoke softly and surely, "Seven hundred forty three and a half."
The three Jaffa went deadly still and quiet, their mouths still open from laughing.
"Half?" prompted Jack, as he sucked on his pinky, the last digit that required extensive (and tasty) cleaning.
"She was a midget," rumbled Teal'c, "She put up quite a fight, but in the end I had bedded her. She was very talented and a strong woman. Very good birthing hips."
Sam blinked.
Daniel covered his face.
Jack didn't know how to arrange his facial expression in any way and settled for sucking ineffectively at his pinkie.
Curiously, the Jaffa were impressed; but not because of the number of women Teal'c had bedded, nor was it because of the utterly deadpan voice the jaffa said it, but only because of the fact he bedded a midget.
"Clearly," rasped the burly black man with all the hair, "You are the manliest jaffa we know of!"
All three bowed their heads before Teal'c. Jack could've sworn a flicker of a smirk had appeared on his buddy's face before they had lifted their heads back up, "Whatever you need of us, we shall grant it to our best abilities."
Carter interjected, "Has this world been recently conquered by the Goa'uld?"
The Jaffa glanced at Teal'c who nodded slightly.
"No," said the burly jaffa, slightly confused, "It has always been like this."
Jack and Sam glanced at each other, while Daniel asked, "Then the goa'uld must have left a long time ago?"
"No," said the thin sickly looking Jaffa, "Our God Eros is currently staying within his summer palace up within the hills. It is his vacationing home from the rigors of taking care of his empire."
"So...er," he murmured as he recognized that symbols of both female and male genitals emblazoned upon the Jaffa's foreheads, "...Eros is deliberately keeping this place luxurious because he vacations here?"
"No," said the young Jaffa, "We're here to help build the aqueducts. I'm going back home to my family offworld in a week."
"Okay, how about this," growled Jack, his pinkie still in his mouth, "Don't you know who we are?!"
"...Why you're SG1 of course," replied all three Jaffa excitedly.
"And why aren't we getting shot at?" Asked the colonel curiously.
"Our God saw you coming and allowed you passage," said a deep voice. The Jaffa straightened their backs and parted, allowing a strikingly beautiful woman in armor to walk through, ignoring the weapons suddenly pointing at her.
Jack let his pinkie slip out of his mouth.
The woman was nearly six feet tall, her body was well muscled, and her hair was short and blond, her face held a roman nose and looked as though she had been sculpted from the finest marble.
"I am Eros' First Prime Psyche," she said.
Teal'c raised an eyebrow, Sam chewed on her lip, and Daniel looked flustered as he tried not to look at the generous chest. Jack blinked and took it all in stride, instead speaking dumbly, "Yes, I can definitely see that."
"My God bids you welcome to his domain," she continued, ignoring their reactions, "He had prepared a banquet for you and wishes to meet you within his great palace."
"Errr," said Jack, "Sure...lead the way."
Psyche gave the Colonel a ghost of a smile and pivoted. SG1 could see a neat pair of lines of a dozen Jaffa each in ceremonial armor ready to escort them. Jack motioned for the team to lower their guns and followed the jaffa.
~-~-~-~
It was odd. Usually, this time around, they'd be shot at and being hounded by a hundred Jaffa screaming bloody murder for their heads. Instead, they were being escorted by a killer hot First Prime and a band of armored honor guards towards a stripped down death glider. It was obviously modified for passengers, what with a dozen seats or so built into the rear end, with it's downwards curved wings providing support struts. Both the passenger seats and the canopy of the deathglider were open air. The pilot snapped a salute to SG1 and the First Prime.
"So...er," stuttered Daniel, "beautiful city..."
"It is an ancient city," said Psyche, "and a valuable one. It is neutral ground for any and all Goa'uld and Jaffa of extremely high station who require...relaxation. Eros is a strong goa'uld, if only because he provides lip service to all goa'uld by catering to their appetites of the carnal flesh and beyond. All that is required of those who wish to relax here is that there will be no fighting, no attempts on another's life. This place is free of paranoia, for here we attend to their every and any needs. To do so will leave that goa'uld blacklisted forever. They will be banished, never to return for the fruits of this world."
Daniel's reply became lost in the wind, not that he minded. The symbolic words of the First Prime had sent his temperature spiking up uncomfortably.
The transport landed onto a service pad, and the passengers, except for Psych, shakily got out. Opulent gardens filled with trees and carefully arranged flowers and many young men and women frolicking here and there. A feminine young man greeted them with a smile and glowing eyes, "Welcome SG1, I am Eros."
Jack tried not to look down, "I can see that."
- - - - -
End of Part 1
Party Planet
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Authors (And their reason of boring you with this bit): Me, and Sayle, have come up with an excellent little story for you. I hope you all enjoy it.
~-~-~-~
With a single expanding plume of what looked like water that promptly went 'kawoosh!' the Stargate slurped the plume back into itself, leaving only a shimmering wall of water held within the it's circle of engraved symbols, metal, and stone. One by one, a single person stepped out of the watery wall with soft and very odd suctioning sound. The first to appear was a well built man with gray white hair in uniform and wielding a single rifle. He looked around carefully. Finding only a neatly paved road and the DHD a little bit away, the old soldier relaxed slightly and moved forwards. Just as he did so, another appeared, this time a woman. With short shaggy hair, the scientist-soldier found her superior waiting for her and moved forwards with her eye along the sights of her curved P90. The last two visitors to this world entered from the stargate and the gate shut down. The third was a heavily build man with dark black skin and a well defined face, he had no hair that the eye could glean, and he wore only the face of expressively no expression at all. In his hand was staff that ended in a bulbed head, with another rifle slung around his shoulder. The last had a scholarly face of a young man, the historian and archeologist looked like a newborn babe in between the rest of the team, but he had his fair share of experience in battle and could hold his own relatively well.
A bird chirped and twittered, breaking the dramatic silence. Teal'c silently glared at the innocent avian, his finger tightening over the upper middle of his staff weapon. The feathery creature wisely flew away. Silence was restored.
The four had come to this planet to investigate it, to see if there were any technology to discover in order to defeat the Goa'uld once and for all. Anubis was still at large, and though his fleets were gone and perhaps so was he, the majority of the Goa'uld were still dangerous adversaries. The MALP had been sent to scout ahead and had sent back a video feed of a large city several miles ahead. There were forest trees some ways further beyond the paved roads, but the spires and towers of the city could be seen from afar.
"So...what do you think we'll find this time, Jack?" Asked Daniel conversationally, "So far we've encountered parasitic snakes, incorporeal goa'uld, man eating giant rats, and flying bird-"
"We agreed not to speak of that incident," rumbled Teal'c.
"Sorry."
"Whatever we find, whatever we do find, I'd rather you not jinx anything," replied the Colonel, turning slightly to look at the younger man, "You've a habit of doing that."
"What, jinxing?"
"Yes."
The four of them walked on, exchanging snippets and remarks to each other until they reached the edge of the forest. Teal'c still twitched every so often when a bird made it's presence known. Thankfully, he had not gone about shooting any of them when they reached the edge of the city. Numerous small farms and houses were scattered about here and there, with carts and horses with drivers with their whips cracking here and there. The city was much more visible now, with an impressive wall that stood hundreds of feet into the air. The city was colored bright gold and dark yellow by the setting sun.
They had stopped as they neared a large cart filled with wheat, a bearded farmer caught sight of them and quickly tossed a new bushel of wheat into another cart and made his way to them. Tall and muscled, the farmer was an imposing sight to SG1 as they had their hands on their weapons. However imposing the farmer seemed, he continued smiling as he spoke to them: "Welcome strangers, to my humble farmland, I expect you're heading for the city some ways further?"
"Yeah, pretty much," confirmed Jack, as Carter asked, "How do we get in?"
"Oh, just follow any of the roads, they all lead to a gate," said the farmer, who seemed happy enough to prolong his work just to make conversation, no matter how brief, "There, the guards will question you on your business and they will give you a pass, depending on whether or not you plan to stay, its a temporary one. Though, with this one at your side, I think you can persuade them to let you through anyway." The farmer chuckled and patted the jaffa's shoulder, "Tell a few jokes, make a few boasts, and you're in for sure!"
"Alrighty, thanks for the info," Jack thanked the farmer and motioned for the team start moving. It wasn't long before the four of them reached what was, thankfully, a rapidly decreasing line of people. Tucking their weapons into discrete sections of their packs, SG1 took their place at the very end of the line behind a dozen children and their harried looking mother. After listening to twenty minutes of a mother shushing a gaggle of children constantly whining about how they wanted to go someplace new, it was a god's blessing for SG1 to finally move forwards.
"NEXT!" Shouted a bored looking guard. He only gave them a cursory glower as they approached, speaking in a monotone, practiced, and well used line: "Hello, what is your business in the city?"
"We're explorers and traders from-"
"Here are your passes, try not to lose them. Temporary lodgings and hostels are plentiful, try not to get too drunk or we'll throw you into the cells with the rest of the drunkards," said the man very quickly with relief, all but throwing the passes at them before shouting, "NEXT!" SG1, surprised with the briefness of the inquisition, quickly passed the booth as a woebegone pair of men tried to bribe the guard with shiny trinkets.
They passed under what seemed like a short tunnel underground before emerging into a great bustling city and the beginnings of local nightlife. Stands were full of bartering men and women, their items of fruits, vegetables, packaged meat, livestock, candies, jewelry, and weapons filling the marketplace. Night began to fall, and lanterns were put up, bonfires were lit, and the smell of roasting meat and the pouring of mead and ale filled the air. SG1 had a fine time navigating the place, alleyways and streets crisscrossed the city, leading them to dozens of districts. It was only an hour, but Daniel was babbling about how the city had nothing to show that it was influenced or even conquered by the Goa'uld in the past.
"This place has never been touched by the Goa'uld," said Daniel quickly, running on only a single breath, "The architecture, the language, the writing, the culture is a mishmash; likely immigrants, and even then-"
"Daniel," ordered Jack with a small smile, "Breathe."
They had managed to trade nonessential items at a shop for some food, a stringy thin tough hand-sized bit of meat with a syrupy sweet-sour glaze.
"My hands are sticky," whined the Colonel as he tried to lick the glaze off his fingers.
"Mine aren't," said Daniel, he had wisely accepted parchment from the seller to cover the sweet meat with.
Teal'c raised an eyebrow, "My hands remain-"
"Colonel," called out Carter on the comlink, "Heads up, looks like Daniel is wrong about no goa'uld presence..."
Everyone tightened their hold onto their weapons at hand, except for Jack who was still dealing with the issue of sticky hands. They caught up to Sam, who had taken up position behind an alleyway. Some ways off were three Jaffa, they had the same symbol, a complicated semi-triangle with intricate lines, tattooed on their foreheads. Their staff weapons were propped up against the wall as they tinkered with the large pipe atop the ladder. Two were taking a rest, while another was apparently repairing the pipe.
"Jaffa," murmured Jack, sucking his thumb, "What the heck are they doin here?"
"Well, the people here don't seem to mind their being here," replied Daniel as he cautiously looked around the corner. The third Jaffa was climbing down and was offered a thin yellow paper cigarette by an old man in a turban and a rough-looking trenchcoat. The three bought several, exchanging money for the tobacco. The old man hobbled past them and stopped by the alley and blinked owlishly at the three men and women. Sam eyed the little man curiously as the turbaned elderly opened up his trenchcoat to reveal rows and rows of exotic looking cigars and cigarettes.
Jack eyed a particularly green cigar that bore an incredible likeness to cuban cigars. Daniel shook his head, while Teal'c exchanged money for several pink thin cigarettes. The old man counted the money and promptly left.
"Oi!"
They turned their heads to see the three Jaffa suddenly much closer to them than before, their hands automatically reached for weapons, but stopped when one of the Jaffa addressed them with, "You there offworlder! How many women have you bedded?"
Jack blinked, Sam felt her jaw drop, Daniel went beet red and began stuttering, and Teal'c looked...like he always did.
One of the jaffa, a young man of no more than sixteen pointed at Daniel and crowed laughter, "Why the stutter? He hasn't done any! Ha!"
Another, a burly hairy man chuckled, "The old man is probably too senile and infertile to boot! I've done sixty two virgins, and probably a dozen more tonight!"
Sam felt anger surge up, her eyes gaining a slight yellow tint as she imagine gelding these three men as they boasted of having taken their way with dozens of women in their lifetimes. That is, until the last one, a thin sickly looking jaffa, boasted about his wife "taking on a dozen men twice a night once a week" and had his back slapped as the other two laughed uproariously.
Jack, Sam, and Daniel gawked at the scene, at which point Teal'c straightened his back a little more and spoke softly and surely, "Seven hundred forty three and a half."
The three Jaffa went deadly still and quiet, their mouths still open from laughing.
"Half?" prompted Jack, as he sucked on his pinky, the last digit that required extensive (and tasty) cleaning.
"She was a midget," rumbled Teal'c, "She put up quite a fight, but in the end I had bedded her. She was very talented and a strong woman. Very good birthing hips."
Sam blinked.
Daniel covered his face.
Jack didn't know how to arrange his facial expression in any way and settled for sucking ineffectively at his pinkie.
Curiously, the Jaffa were impressed; but not because of the number of women Teal'c had bedded, nor was it because of the utterly deadpan voice the jaffa said it, but only because of the fact he bedded a midget.
"Clearly," rasped the burly black man with all the hair, "You are the manliest jaffa we know of!"
All three bowed their heads before Teal'c. Jack could've sworn a flicker of a smirk had appeared on his buddy's face before they had lifted their heads back up, "Whatever you need of us, we shall grant it to our best abilities."
Carter interjected, "Has this world been recently conquered by the Goa'uld?"
The Jaffa glanced at Teal'c who nodded slightly.
"No," said the burly jaffa, slightly confused, "It has always been like this."
Jack and Sam glanced at each other, while Daniel asked, "Then the goa'uld must have left a long time ago?"
"No," said the thin sickly looking Jaffa, "Our God Eros is currently staying within his summer palace up within the hills. It is his vacationing home from the rigors of taking care of his empire."
"So...er," he murmured as he recognized that symbols of both female and male genitals emblazoned upon the Jaffa's foreheads, "...Eros is deliberately keeping this place luxurious because he vacations here?"
"No," said the young Jaffa, "We're here to help build the aqueducts. I'm going back home to my family offworld in a week."
"Okay, how about this," growled Jack, his pinkie still in his mouth, "Don't you know who we are?!"
"...Why you're SG1 of course," replied all three Jaffa excitedly.
"And why aren't we getting shot at?" Asked the colonel curiously.
"Our God saw you coming and allowed you passage," said a deep voice. The Jaffa straightened their backs and parted, allowing a strikingly beautiful woman in armor to walk through, ignoring the weapons suddenly pointing at her.
Jack let his pinkie slip out of his mouth.
The woman was nearly six feet tall, her body was well muscled, and her hair was short and blond, her face held a roman nose and looked as though she had been sculpted from the finest marble.
"I am Eros' First Prime Psyche," she said.
Teal'c raised an eyebrow, Sam chewed on her lip, and Daniel looked flustered as he tried not to look at the generous chest. Jack blinked and took it all in stride, instead speaking dumbly, "Yes, I can definitely see that."
"My God bids you welcome to his domain," she continued, ignoring their reactions, "He had prepared a banquet for you and wishes to meet you within his great palace."
"Errr," said Jack, "Sure...lead the way."
Psyche gave the Colonel a ghost of a smile and pivoted. SG1 could see a neat pair of lines of a dozen Jaffa each in ceremonial armor ready to escort them. Jack motioned for the team to lower their guns and followed the jaffa.
~-~-~-~
It was odd. Usually, this time around, they'd be shot at and being hounded by a hundred Jaffa screaming bloody murder for their heads. Instead, they were being escorted by a killer hot First Prime and a band of armored honor guards towards a stripped down death glider. It was obviously modified for passengers, what with a dozen seats or so built into the rear end, with it's downwards curved wings providing support struts. Both the passenger seats and the canopy of the deathglider were open air. The pilot snapped a salute to SG1 and the First Prime.
"So...er," stuttered Daniel, "beautiful city..."
"It is an ancient city," said Psyche, "and a valuable one. It is neutral ground for any and all Goa'uld and Jaffa of extremely high station who require...relaxation. Eros is a strong goa'uld, if only because he provides lip service to all goa'uld by catering to their appetites of the carnal flesh and beyond. All that is required of those who wish to relax here is that there will be no fighting, no attempts on another's life. This place is free of paranoia, for here we attend to their every and any needs. To do so will leave that goa'uld blacklisted forever. They will be banished, never to return for the fruits of this world."
Daniel's reply became lost in the wind, not that he minded. The symbolic words of the First Prime had sent his temperature spiking up uncomfortably.
The transport landed onto a service pad, and the passengers, except for Psych, shakily got out. Opulent gardens filled with trees and carefully arranged flowers and many young men and women frolicking here and there. A feminine young man greeted them with a smile and glowing eyes, "Welcome SG1, I am Eros."
Jack tried not to look down, "I can see that."
- - - - -
End of Part 1
FourthWall
Love & Destroy
- Location
- Chiraq
Sloppy, awkwardly phrased, but promising.
Tabi
Expert Jissou Abuser
You're welcome.NeoSeether said:
Thanks for reading it, any chance you can point out what was sloppy and awkwardly phrased? Constructive criticism is very much appreciated.FourthWall said:
It's basically crack me and Tabi kind of accidentally formulated throwing back and forth what an 'enlightened' Goa'uld ruler would be like on MSN. I had nothing to do with the actual writing, although I do see certain comments that were made in there. Although the midget thing was entirely Tabi's fault.
[ElvisImpersonation] Viva Las Space Vegas!!! [/ElvisImpersonation}PsyckoSama said:
The Aphrodisiac bitter & tartly fruit finally effects Sam...Star Dragon said:.... Eros grinned, "Colonel O'Neill (two l's), why don't you take off your shirt and enjoy the evening breeze?"
Unfortunately for her, Carter was enjoying some local fruit juice and abruptly failed to contain it in her mouth. [Spitaw!]
Bwahahaha!
" HOLD, there ... I claim the right to bed my man of steel ...! "
-as Samantha Carter glassy eyes and lustful leering eyeballs Jack and she tugs him closer to her heighten'd and bloodboiling sweaty body as Jack is thump into her while Daniel eyes googles in shock while Teal'c looks on approvingly ...
Jace911
Spider-Dork
- Location
- The Gold-Bricking State
Of all the lines to pick out i chose this one, simply because it sounds so much like a Teal'C thing to say.Tabi said:
Literally blew me away. Ha Ha!
Like the ultimate twist you have here. A Neutral Goa'uld planet...really weird. More though. Want more.
And i totally have to agree with this though
NeoSeether said:
It grew out of an SD me and Tabi are formulating where the player is actually a Goa'uld. One of the government options was 'Enlightened Despotism', the conversation turned to how unusual that was, then it turned into the cracky conversation of what kind of Goa'uld planet would faze SG1 and have them wanting to come back. The fic was born.
Tabi
Expert Jissou Abuser
Tabi
Expert Jissou Abuser
Part 1 of 2
Party Planet
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Authors (And their reason of boring you with this bit): Me, and Sayle, have come up with an excellent little story for you. I hope you all enjoy it.
~-~-~-~
Thus far only Jack remained the only one not visually affixed to the very jolly roger that was quite literally shouting hello to SG1. Daniel because if he looked anywhere else, he'd see another naked being. Sam because she couldn't believe a self-respecting Goa'uld would even greet his specie's most deadly enemy in the buff. Teal'c merely let his eyebrows disappear into his hairline before frowning. Eros had taken a host who was apparently a young man in his prime, somewhat feminine and apparently very handsome.
And very naked.
"Excellent," said the goa'uld Eros in his echoing voice, "Prompt as ever Psyche, you may return to you duties. Come now Colonel, there is a feast awaiting you and your team."
The goa'uld turned about, flexing his buttocks as he walked away. Daniel made a gurgling sound, while Sam just stared shamelessly. Jack nudged the two gently and glanced at Teal'c, "You alright?"
"Eros has evidently practiced many times before. His technique is flawless," murmured the Jaffa softly, stepping forwards to take the lead. He had no idea what Teal'c was going on about, but as Jack walked beside him, his own eyebrows began receding to his hairline as they passed under a massive doorway that two M1A Tanks could roll through with little difficulty. This was apparently under-exaggerated by those three Jaffa previously. The palace was not just a summer palace, but also a very fancy fortress. And it sure as hell didn't sit on a hill! It sat into the side of a goddamned mountain!
Jaffa guards inclined their heads respectfully as their being of worship passed. Their postured returned from respectful to guarded as SG1 passed. These were Elite Guard Jaffa; the kind Jack hated fighting. They were tough deal with and they were tougher to put down permanently, seeing as the Goa'uld tend to resurrect them.
Nevertheless, they weren't hostile; 'yet', thought Jack as he trudged through a very extravagantly decorated corridor lined with open doors filled all manner of activities. Moans and whispers filled the air as they followed Eros into a great hall set with a long wooden table filled with platters of food. Music by a several dozen men and women wielding heavy instruments could just barely be heard over the din as a hundred men and women dined and made themselves gay and happy.
"Ah, the party appears to have not started," Teal'c rumbled appreciatively.
"How do we know if the party starts?"
"The orgy has not commenced yet," he replied blandly.
Jack blinked, "Oh."
Eros led them to the end of the table, where numerous cushions and servants were scattered about.
"Keep your weapons if you wish, but please put them on safeties, I'd rather not have deaths ruin this party," said Eros as he sat down into a massive pile of silk pillows, a young woman quickly attending to him by draping herself all over him, "Now, please make merry and feast upon my expense!"
"Sir," said Carter, "I don't understand this situation at all, this is so wildly out of the usual line of things..."
"Teal'c," asked Jack as he eyed an array of roasted chicken, breads, fruits and pies, along with numerous other things he could just barely see over the piles of platters of food, "Are any of these things safe? What do you know about Eros?"
"Only that he is a relatively benevolent Goa'uld by your standards. However, he is a brutal economist and is considered by the System Lords to be a genius in diplomacy. While he owns relatively few systems, he has a powerful fleet dedicated to protecting his holdings. His worlds, as Psyche had said, are secret neutral grounds where goa'uld can relax without fear of death or assassination. Apophis spoke of this place, but never before have I ever been here," said Teal'c as he pulled a massive roasted chicken leg out of it's socket towards him, inspecting it briefly before taking a massive bite out of it, "Eat. Eros is not known for poisoning his guests...to my knowledge."
"Oh," said Sam, feeling entirely out of her depth, deciding to grab several grapes. She tossed one in and blinked in pleasant surprise, "Wow. These grapes are delicious!"
"Crispy, juicy, good stuff," agreed Jack.
"Colonel O'Neil, Major Carter," Eros called out, "How do you like the grapes? I personally picked them out from my personal vineyards. They're to die for!"
Daniel, reaching for several of the enticing grapes, decided to withdraw his hand as both Jack and Carter went slightly pale.
"Though try to not eat the stems, they're like death doing work in your stomach," continued Eros oblivious to his guest's discomfort.
Teal'c continued to devour his chicken leg straight to the bone, before grabbing another and reaching for a goblet of wine. He continued eating and drinking like a savage until his comrades decided that if he wasn't dead yet, then it was a good sign. Jack grabbed a slab of pork covered in honey and fruit, Sam a large roasted chicken, and Daniel reached over and grabbed a breast. He blinked. He squeezed it and frowned. Then the archeologist looked down at the breast he was tugging on.
A woman, ranked as a slave from the looks of it, looked pleased by his selection; she had been pouring Teal'c wine. The jaffa next to him eyed Daniel's breast inquisitively before rumbling, "An excellent choice Daniel Jackson."
"Wha…wha?"
Daniel didn't get to say more before the woman began feeding him food from her breasts.
Both Jack and Sam gave Daniel only cursory glances, though Sam lingered on her teammate's increasingly flustered state; though he apparently didn't say no to the additional slave girls fighting over who got to feed him. Jack tried to lick off his new sticky fingers but grabbed another rack of ribs and muttered to himself, "Daniel always gets the hot ones..."
Party Planet
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Authors (And their reason of boring you with this bit): Me, and Sayle, have come up with an excellent little story for you. I hope you all enjoy it.
~-~-~-~
Thus far only Jack remained the only one not visually affixed to the very jolly roger that was quite literally shouting hello to SG1. Daniel because if he looked anywhere else, he'd see another naked being. Sam because she couldn't believe a self-respecting Goa'uld would even greet his specie's most deadly enemy in the buff. Teal'c merely let his eyebrows disappear into his hairline before frowning. Eros had taken a host who was apparently a young man in his prime, somewhat feminine and apparently very handsome.
And very naked.
"Excellent," said the goa'uld Eros in his echoing voice, "Prompt as ever Psyche, you may return to you duties. Come now Colonel, there is a feast awaiting you and your team."
The goa'uld turned about, flexing his buttocks as he walked away. Daniel made a gurgling sound, while Sam just stared shamelessly. Jack nudged the two gently and glanced at Teal'c, "You alright?"
"Eros has evidently practiced many times before. His technique is flawless," murmured the Jaffa softly, stepping forwards to take the lead. He had no idea what Teal'c was going on about, but as Jack walked beside him, his own eyebrows began receding to his hairline as they passed under a massive doorway that two M1A Tanks could roll through with little difficulty. This was apparently under-exaggerated by those three Jaffa previously. The palace was not just a summer palace, but also a very fancy fortress. And it sure as hell didn't sit on a hill! It sat into the side of a goddamned mountain!
Jaffa guards inclined their heads respectfully as their being of worship passed. Their postured returned from respectful to guarded as SG1 passed. These were Elite Guard Jaffa; the kind Jack hated fighting. They were tough deal with and they were tougher to put down permanently, seeing as the Goa'uld tend to resurrect them.
Nevertheless, they weren't hostile; 'yet', thought Jack as he trudged through a very extravagantly decorated corridor lined with open doors filled all manner of activities. Moans and whispers filled the air as they followed Eros into a great hall set with a long wooden table filled with platters of food. Music by a several dozen men and women wielding heavy instruments could just barely be heard over the din as a hundred men and women dined and made themselves gay and happy.
"Ah, the party appears to have not started," Teal'c rumbled appreciatively.
"How do we know if the party starts?"
"The orgy has not commenced yet," he replied blandly.
Jack blinked, "Oh."
Eros led them to the end of the table, where numerous cushions and servants were scattered about.
"Keep your weapons if you wish, but please put them on safeties, I'd rather not have deaths ruin this party," said Eros as he sat down into a massive pile of silk pillows, a young woman quickly attending to him by draping herself all over him, "Now, please make merry and feast upon my expense!"
"Sir," said Carter, "I don't understand this situation at all, this is so wildly out of the usual line of things..."
"Teal'c," asked Jack as he eyed an array of roasted chicken, breads, fruits and pies, along with numerous other things he could just barely see over the piles of platters of food, "Are any of these things safe? What do you know about Eros?"
"Only that he is a relatively benevolent Goa'uld by your standards. However, he is a brutal economist and is considered by the System Lords to be a genius in diplomacy. While he owns relatively few systems, he has a powerful fleet dedicated to protecting his holdings. His worlds, as Psyche had said, are secret neutral grounds where goa'uld can relax without fear of death or assassination. Apophis spoke of this place, but never before have I ever been here," said Teal'c as he pulled a massive roasted chicken leg out of it's socket towards him, inspecting it briefly before taking a massive bite out of it, "Eat. Eros is not known for poisoning his guests...to my knowledge."
"Oh," said Sam, feeling entirely out of her depth, deciding to grab several grapes. She tossed one in and blinked in pleasant surprise, "Wow. These grapes are delicious!"
"Crispy, juicy, good stuff," agreed Jack.
"Colonel O'Neil, Major Carter," Eros called out, "How do you like the grapes? I personally picked them out from my personal vineyards. They're to die for!"
Daniel, reaching for several of the enticing grapes, decided to withdraw his hand as both Jack and Carter went slightly pale.
"Though try to not eat the stems, they're like death doing work in your stomach," continued Eros oblivious to his guest's discomfort.
Teal'c continued to devour his chicken leg straight to the bone, before grabbing another and reaching for a goblet of wine. He continued eating and drinking like a savage until his comrades decided that if he wasn't dead yet, then it was a good sign. Jack grabbed a slab of pork covered in honey and fruit, Sam a large roasted chicken, and Daniel reached over and grabbed a breast. He blinked. He squeezed it and frowned. Then the archeologist looked down at the breast he was tugging on.
A woman, ranked as a slave from the looks of it, looked pleased by his selection; she had been pouring Teal'c wine. The jaffa next to him eyed Daniel's breast inquisitively before rumbling, "An excellent choice Daniel Jackson."
"Wha…wha?"
Daniel didn't get to say more before the woman began feeding him food from her breasts.
Both Jack and Sam gave Daniel only cursory glances, though Sam lingered on her teammate's increasingly flustered state; though he apparently didn't say no to the additional slave girls fighting over who got to feed him. Jack tried to lick off his new sticky fingers but grabbed another rack of ribs and muttered to himself, "Daniel always gets the hot ones..."
End snippet
Wah wha waaaa ... we like this... 
We waaait fooor more ...
Tabi&Sayle. Prologue1 -.Stargate'd - Daniel&Teal'c, Farmer, BoredGuard, Jaffas, 743.5, SamBlink'd, 1stPrime Psyche, Jack&Eros
Tabi&Sayle. Prologue2 -.Banquet - ErosTechnique, EliteJaffa, Jack&Teal'c, Feast, Food&Body, Sam, Daniel&BreastFood
Tabi&Sayle. Prologue3 -.PartyOn - Carter, O'NeillNude, DanielFlustered, Teal'c&Psyche, HammondPeeved, Makepeace&Johnson
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
We waaait fooor more ...
Tabi&Sayle. Prologue1 -.Stargate'd - Daniel&Teal'c, Farmer, BoredGuard, Jaffas, 743.5, SamBlink'd, 1stPrime Psyche, Jack&Eros
Tabi&Sayle. Prologue2 -.Banquet - ErosTechnique, EliteJaffa, Jack&Teal'c, Feast, Food&Body, Sam, Daniel&BreastFood
Tabi&Sayle. Prologue3 -.PartyOn - Carter, O'NeillNude, DanielFlustered, Teal'c&Psyche, HammondPeeved, Makepeace&Johnson
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Aye... its' quite rare to have Teal'c in character and look on in admiration & pride instead of insults and curses by his peers among the Jaffa ranks...SADDAMINSANE said:
Chloe Sullivan
Subdefective
- Location
- 1630 Revello Drive, Sunnydale CA
Really, that just says it all, doesn't it?NeoSeether said:
Warringer
SpaceX Fanwogon
- Location
- Standing right behind you with a grin
Tabi
Expert Jissou Abuser
Part 1 of Ending
Party Planet
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Authors (And their reason of boring you with this bit): Part 2 and the final piece of this story. Brought to you by Sayle and Tabi. Mostly Tabi, as Sayle remains merely the source of this inspiration.
~-~-~-~
Samantha Carter watched in parts mortified horror and quasi-aroused amusement as her superior officer danced a tango with a Jaffa and twelve slaves. Naked.
And covered in a sticky substance, from head to toe, that Carter suspected to be honey. Daniel himself was too busy trying to untangle himself from at least ten other women. Or what she assumed were women. Either way, Daniel seemed to be too flustered to do anything about it. Teal'c was busy drinking Eros's Jaffa Guard under the table. Two dozen were already unconscious and there were only six more to go. Psyche, Eros's First Prime, was eyeing the Jaffa inquisitively. Pushing the Guard away, she shoved the swaying opponent in front of Teal'c from the seat and called a servant for more Kelmina Root Ale.
Carter tried not to drink too much of that stuff. It was like drinking high end tranquilizer. She also tried not to punch their host in the face. Eros was enjoying Jack's jig a little too much than was healthy.
Seeing the Colonel's privates dance in her face again she couldn't take it anymore, Carter grabbed the jug and began gulping down the contents before joining in.
As Teal'c downed another tankard of kelmina ale, he smiled slightly.
-
In the control center, the gate whirred, made one final circuit and fell silent. SG8, dusty and looking much drier than when they went though the gate, followed the medics for treatment for mild dehydration.
"SG1 is late," murmured General Hammond sourly, his frown creasing sharply as he pondered the situation. In hindsight, he should've expected it. That team alone got into more trouble than SG2 through SG9. Frankly, he'd be without a lot of wrinkles and stress if it weren't for them.
SG1 was overdue for several hours and they never reported in. Was it from goa'uld attack? Ambush? Negotiations with another highly advanced race?
"Get me SG3," he ordered without preamble, "Have them fit out for recon. I want to know what the hell is taking them so long."
"Yessir."
-
Two hours later and there was still nothing. SG3 Carl Warren peered through the bright green haze, noting only a few animals and fresh foot prints of a recent Jaffa patrol. Oh, and that massive walled city in the distance. Killing his inferred googles, he turned to Commander Makepeace, "I don't think we're going to get anywhere at this rate sir."
"Tell me about. Security is damn tight," agreed Makepeace gruffly, "Daniel? What do you think? Daniel?"
Both of them looked around for their third member, only to find him and Peterson in rusty brown cloaks.
"What the hell are you wearing?"
"More importantly," growled the commander, pinching his nose, "Why does it smell like it was liberally washed in shit?"
"Despite the smell," muttered Peterson with an awkward grin, "Its also a perfect disguise."
"…Okay, I'll bite," he sighed, eyes glaring at Daniel, "Spill it."
"We sneak in, look for SG1, and then-"
"You mean make it up as we go?"
"You got a better idea?"
-
Carter blinked. She felt warm. Comfortably warm. Two pairs of hands rubbed against her aching shoulders, massaging tight knots of muscles.
Next to her Jack O'Neill muttered something unintelliable as his back problem was finally corrected.
-
"You have…a muh…m-most impressive…constitution," slurred Psyches as she downed another tankard of kelmina, her generous chest heaving and straining against gravity.
Teal'c nodded, swaying, "As…do you. I've not a…an opponent who has…ev…ever…matched me until-"
"Bueeeeeeereeeech!"
-
Daniel Johnson looked up, his smelly cloak dripping from the trip under the sewers.
Makepeace blinked, "Was it just me, or we just hear a…"
-
"-most impressive capacity, First Prime Psyche," congratulated Teal'c, his eyes focusing on her sweating face, "But I will defeat you."
"Really…none have bested me yet," she gasped.
The former jaffa closed his eyes and let loose a-
-
Warren eyed the tunnel ahead of them, "Okay, it wasn't just you."
-
"Take me now," whispered Psyche.
Teal'c raised an eyebrow, his lips twitching.
-
Jack blinked. Why was he in bed? For that matter why were his hips moving? He looked down and nearly let loose a nosebleed. Holy mackerel! If he wasn't under the influence of that root beer and the aphrodisiac spiked pork ribs (hmm…so that's why they were so sweet!), he'd…what would he do anyway?
And why were hands still all over him?
Ignoring the massage on his back, legs, and head, the Colonel just let the haze fill his vision. Pleasure filled his senses. He let himself lean forward, savoring the pistoning and the wet slapping sounds. Vaguely he could hear Carter crying out for more. If he weren't feeling so mind-numbingly pumped up on the local drugs, he'd admit things were going right for once.
Then someone gave him the finger.
Dammit, his prostate exam wasn't supposed to be due for another year!
Party Planet
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Authors (And their reason of boring you with this bit): Part 2 and the final piece of this story. Brought to you by Sayle and Tabi. Mostly Tabi, as Sayle remains merely the source of this inspiration.
~-~-~-~
Samantha Carter watched in parts mortified horror and quasi-aroused amusement as her superior officer danced a tango with a Jaffa and twelve slaves. Naked.
And covered in a sticky substance, from head to toe, that Carter suspected to be honey. Daniel himself was too busy trying to untangle himself from at least ten other women. Or what she assumed were women. Either way, Daniel seemed to be too flustered to do anything about it. Teal'c was busy drinking Eros's Jaffa Guard under the table. Two dozen were already unconscious and there were only six more to go. Psyche, Eros's First Prime, was eyeing the Jaffa inquisitively. Pushing the Guard away, she shoved the swaying opponent in front of Teal'c from the seat and called a servant for more Kelmina Root Ale.
Carter tried not to drink too much of that stuff. It was like drinking high end tranquilizer. She also tried not to punch their host in the face. Eros was enjoying Jack's jig a little too much than was healthy.
Seeing the Colonel's privates dance in her face again she couldn't take it anymore, Carter grabbed the jug and began gulping down the contents before joining in.
As Teal'c downed another tankard of kelmina ale, he smiled slightly.
-
In the control center, the gate whirred, made one final circuit and fell silent. SG8, dusty and looking much drier than when they went though the gate, followed the medics for treatment for mild dehydration.
"SG1 is late," murmured General Hammond sourly, his frown creasing sharply as he pondered the situation. In hindsight, he should've expected it. That team alone got into more trouble than SG2 through SG9. Frankly, he'd be without a lot of wrinkles and stress if it weren't for them.
SG1 was overdue for several hours and they never reported in. Was it from goa'uld attack? Ambush? Negotiations with another highly advanced race?
"Get me SG3," he ordered without preamble, "Have them fit out for recon. I want to know what the hell is taking them so long."
"Yessir."
-
Two hours later and there was still nothing. SG3 Carl Warren peered through the bright green haze, noting only a few animals and fresh foot prints of a recent Jaffa patrol. Oh, and that massive walled city in the distance. Killing his inferred googles, he turned to Commander Makepeace, "I don't think we're going to get anywhere at this rate sir."
"Tell me about. Security is damn tight," agreed Makepeace gruffly, "Daniel? What do you think? Daniel?"
Both of them looked around for their third member, only to find him and Peterson in rusty brown cloaks.
"What the hell are you wearing?"
"More importantly," growled the commander, pinching his nose, "Why does it smell like it was liberally washed in shit?"
"Despite the smell," muttered Peterson with an awkward grin, "Its also a perfect disguise."
"…Okay, I'll bite," he sighed, eyes glaring at Daniel, "Spill it."
"We sneak in, look for SG1, and then-"
"You mean make it up as we go?"
"You got a better idea?"
-
Carter blinked. She felt warm. Comfortably warm. Two pairs of hands rubbed against her aching shoulders, massaging tight knots of muscles.
Next to her Jack O'Neill muttered something unintelliable as his back problem was finally corrected.
-
"You have…a muh…m-most impressive…constitution," slurred Psyches as she downed another tankard of kelmina, her generous chest heaving and straining against gravity.
Teal'c nodded, swaying, "As…do you. I've not a…an opponent who has…ev…ever…matched me until-"
"Bueeeeeeereeeech!"
-
Daniel Johnson looked up, his smelly cloak dripping from the trip under the sewers.
Makepeace blinked, "Was it just me, or we just hear a…"
-
"-most impressive capacity, First Prime Psyche," congratulated Teal'c, his eyes focusing on her sweating face, "But I will defeat you."
"Really…none have bested me yet," she gasped.
The former jaffa closed his eyes and let loose a-
-
Warren eyed the tunnel ahead of them, "Okay, it wasn't just you."
-
"Take me now," whispered Psyche.
Teal'c raised an eyebrow, his lips twitching.
-
Jack blinked. Why was he in bed? For that matter why were his hips moving? He looked down and nearly let loose a nosebleed. Holy mackerel! If he wasn't under the influence of that root beer and the aphrodisiac spiked pork ribs (hmm…so that's why they were so sweet!), he'd…what would he do anyway?
And why were hands still all over him?
Ignoring the massage on his back, legs, and head, the Colonel just let the haze fill his vision. Pleasure filled his senses. He let himself lean forward, savoring the pistoning and the wet slapping sounds. Vaguely he could hear Carter crying out for more. If he weren't feeling so mind-numbingly pumped up on the local drugs, he'd admit things were going right for once.
Then someone gave him the finger.
Dammit, his prostate exam wasn't supposed to be due for another year!
The joke of our initial thirty-minutes long cracky MSN conversation was how it would be hilarious if they were expected to be backstabbed any second but it never came because the Goa'uld is actually a complete hedonist. Not quite as much of a hedonist as Hedonism Bot, but enough not to precisely care about SG1. I don't know how far Tabi is diverging, but I suspect the general gist of it remains the same.A-BOMB said:
Tabi
Expert Jissou Abuser
Part 2 of Ending
Party Planet
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Authors (And their reason of boring you with this bit): Part 2 and the final piece of this story. Brought to you by Sayle and Tabi. Mostly Tabi, as Sayle remains merely the source of this inspiration.
~-~-~-~
It was around noon when O'Neill finally found the energy to wake up. Slowly, he opened his eyes and just stared at the high ceiling, saying nothing. He immediately deduced that he was naked. It was also very warm. Likely due to the extremely comfortable bed he was currently lying it.
Someone moaned and snuggled closer to him. Almost instantly, his eyes were on the mess of familiar blond hair nearly on top of his chest like shit on velcro.
"...Carter?" Jack blinked and frowned.
The mop of blond hair shifted as mumbled "Sir?" came from his other arm. O'Neill turned his head to the right to see the impressive shape and curves of a still sleepy Samantha let go of her makeshift human teddy bear.
Jack just stared at her, utterly gobsmacked at the sight of her naked beauty. He was so distracted he forgot about the finger that was still in his ass.
-
"I will bear your children with honor," murmured Psyche, trailing an admiring hand across Teal'c's chest
"And I shall ensure that you will have many of them," growled the Jaffa with a wide smile, pulling her closer.
-
Daniel...wasn't sure how it ended, but it ended on a good note. Yes, he had sex with beautiful women. And men. And maybe he kind of liked it, even if it violated more than just his morals. Eros wasn't a megalomaniac like the other Goa'uld, man was more of a businessman and a partier.
Jack and Carter didn't say what happened to them after everyone blacked out from the beer, but he caught sight of Teal'c actually outright smirking and the two of them holding hands for a moment.
Eros' First Prime was pregnant. Teal'c assured him that he made sure she was. He...didn't know whether or not he should have had congratulated him or...something else.
As for him?
"Daniel Jackson is our new god!" Proclaimed one girl.
"Have my babies!" Shouted another.
"I offer you everything," said a tall very fit young man, baring himself for his new God to survey, "My body, my meager talents, all I possess!"
The bealeagured archeologist turned Sex God tried to escape, but no matter where he turned, increasing numbers of increasingly more sexually exciting and increasingly softer flesh was being presented to him, all screaming for him to ravish them all.
He did the only thing he could, he fainted.
-
"Doctor Jackson," remarked Hammond, looking concerned. "What in the sam hell happened to you?"
"I became a sex god and am now being worshipped on three worlds," mumbled the archeologist, as he stumbled past his slackjawed superior. "I've been bitten, licked, suckled on, basted, spanked-"
"Can you believe it? Our Danny? He's moving up," said Jack, grinning. "Next thing you know, he'll have Jaffa armies, fleet of motherships, and he'll conquer Earth or something. Maybe he'll invade Russia first, who knows?"
"-violated in ways I never imagined, forced to use my tongue on-"
"In Goa'uld legalese, Daniel Jackson is technically one of them," murmured Teal'c, eying his teammate thoughtfully. "Jaffa may well be preparing to swear fealty to him."
"-still bowlegged, my crotch is so sore that I can't even-"
"Doctor Jackson, maybe you should go to the infirmiry," said the Texan General, looking harried. He closed his eyes and tried not to look at SG1, his ears burning brightly. "And maybe the rest of you too. Just in case."
-
"Well, aside from a rather severe case of...pelvis fractures and mild dehydration, you're fine," said Fraiser, smiling at Daniel. "Carter, there were some readings that seem a little...odd."
Carter took one look at the readings and blanched.
"Sir," hissed Carter, eyes wide, grabbing O'Neill's shoulder. "I'm-!"
Jack's eyes went wide as Teal'c smiled widely and Daniel tried to hide his burning face in his hands.
"Puppies? I'm a dad?! I'm..." O'Neill stiffened as he caught sight of who was, once agains slack-jawed, at the doorway. "General Hammond. I can explain."
Hammond stared at the Colonel, eyes wide. "Yes, congratulations. Now how exactly did you get your subordinate pregnant?"
Jack took a deep breath, before launching into a longwinded explanation, "Well, it all started with Eros when he stuck his finger up my-"
-
SG3 stumbled out of the shack, bowlegged and weak at their knees. A pretty face winked at them before the door closed.
One of the marines slumped against the walls of the nearby buildings and whimpered.
Makepeace blinked and tried to stay standing. He slumped to the ground, breathing heavily.
A Jaffa stumbled out of the shack, bowlegged and weak at the knees. He slumped to the ground, leaning heavily against the walls.
"Blowjobs are awesome," stated the marine.
"Indeed," agreed the Jaffa simply.
SG3 and the band of Jaffa simply sat there, resting, enjoying their high as it wound down.
Then an old man walked in front of them wearing an oversized trenchcoat and revealed to them what he was hiding underneath.
Suddenly the high looked like it wasn't going to end just yet.
-
"SG3 is late," growled Hammond. "Prep SG12, I'm coming with them this time."
Party Planet
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Authors (And their reason of boring you with this bit): Part 2 and the final piece of this story. Brought to you by Sayle and Tabi. Mostly Tabi, as Sayle remains merely the source of this inspiration.
~-~-~-~
It was around noon when O'Neill finally found the energy to wake up. Slowly, he opened his eyes and just stared at the high ceiling, saying nothing. He immediately deduced that he was naked. It was also very warm. Likely due to the extremely comfortable bed he was currently lying it.
Someone moaned and snuggled closer to him. Almost instantly, his eyes were on the mess of familiar blond hair nearly on top of his chest like shit on velcro.
"...Carter?" Jack blinked and frowned.
The mop of blond hair shifted as mumbled "Sir?" came from his other arm. O'Neill turned his head to the right to see the impressive shape and curves of a still sleepy Samantha let go of her makeshift human teddy bear.
Jack just stared at her, utterly gobsmacked at the sight of her naked beauty. He was so distracted he forgot about the finger that was still in his ass.
-
"I will bear your children with honor," murmured Psyche, trailing an admiring hand across Teal'c's chest
"And I shall ensure that you will have many of them," growled the Jaffa with a wide smile, pulling her closer.
-
Daniel...wasn't sure how it ended, but it ended on a good note. Yes, he had sex with beautiful women. And men. And maybe he kind of liked it, even if it violated more than just his morals. Eros wasn't a megalomaniac like the other Goa'uld, man was more of a businessman and a partier.
Jack and Carter didn't say what happened to them after everyone blacked out from the beer, but he caught sight of Teal'c actually outright smirking and the two of them holding hands for a moment.
Eros' First Prime was pregnant. Teal'c assured him that he made sure she was. He...didn't know whether or not he should have had congratulated him or...something else.
As for him?
"Daniel Jackson is our new god!" Proclaimed one girl.
"Have my babies!" Shouted another.
"I offer you everything," said a tall very fit young man, baring himself for his new God to survey, "My body, my meager talents, all I possess!"
The bealeagured archeologist turned Sex God tried to escape, but no matter where he turned, increasing numbers of increasingly more sexually exciting and increasingly softer flesh was being presented to him, all screaming for him to ravish them all.
He did the only thing he could, he fainted.
-
"Doctor Jackson," remarked Hammond, looking concerned. "What in the sam hell happened to you?"
"I became a sex god and am now being worshipped on three worlds," mumbled the archeologist, as he stumbled past his slackjawed superior. "I've been bitten, licked, suckled on, basted, spanked-"
"Can you believe it? Our Danny? He's moving up," said Jack, grinning. "Next thing you know, he'll have Jaffa armies, fleet of motherships, and he'll conquer Earth or something. Maybe he'll invade Russia first, who knows?"
"-violated in ways I never imagined, forced to use my tongue on-"
"In Goa'uld legalese, Daniel Jackson is technically one of them," murmured Teal'c, eying his teammate thoughtfully. "Jaffa may well be preparing to swear fealty to him."
"-still bowlegged, my crotch is so sore that I can't even-"
"Doctor Jackson, maybe you should go to the infirmiry," said the Texan General, looking harried. He closed his eyes and tried not to look at SG1, his ears burning brightly. "And maybe the rest of you too. Just in case."
-
"Well, aside from a rather severe case of...pelvis fractures and mild dehydration, you're fine," said Fraiser, smiling at Daniel. "Carter, there were some readings that seem a little...odd."
Carter took one look at the readings and blanched.
"Sir," hissed Carter, eyes wide, grabbing O'Neill's shoulder. "I'm-!"
Jack's eyes went wide as Teal'c smiled widely and Daniel tried to hide his burning face in his hands.
"Puppies? I'm a dad?! I'm..." O'Neill stiffened as he caught sight of who was, once agains slack-jawed, at the doorway. "General Hammond. I can explain."
Hammond stared at the Colonel, eyes wide. "Yes, congratulations. Now how exactly did you get your subordinate pregnant?"
Jack took a deep breath, before launching into a longwinded explanation, "Well, it all started with Eros when he stuck his finger up my-"
-
SG3 stumbled out of the shack, bowlegged and weak at their knees. A pretty face winked at them before the door closed.
One of the marines slumped against the walls of the nearby buildings and whimpered.
Makepeace blinked and tried to stay standing. He slumped to the ground, breathing heavily.
A Jaffa stumbled out of the shack, bowlegged and weak at the knees. He slumped to the ground, leaning heavily against the walls.
"Blowjobs are awesome," stated the marine.
"Indeed," agreed the Jaffa simply.
SG3 and the band of Jaffa simply sat there, resting, enjoying their high as it wound down.
Then an old man walked in front of them wearing an oversized trenchcoat and revealed to them what he was hiding underneath.
Suddenly the high looked like it wasn't going to end just yet.
-
"SG3 is late," growled Hammond. "Prep SG12, I'm coming with them this time."
If you do, and it includes Hammond, I will likely fall into such fits of laughter that my neighbors will assume I had a psychotic break.Tabi said: