No Country for Old Heroes (Jumpchain/OC)

[ManifestElements]

A/N: This is not a story that follows your "typical" Jumpchain rules. There is some subversion and some original takes on the genre. Also I may or may not use some of the popular jump documents floating around out there. Now read, comment and enjoy

Summary: An old man who is perpetually getting too old for this shit tries to make the omniverse just a little bit better, one Jump at a time.


00000



I was a crusty old man when I died. That's not usually how is goes, right? It's usually some young ignorant high school kid who gets whisked away to another world to live out his childish fantasies. Big titted elves that only want his sad loser self and all of the other pathetic power and sex fantasies you'd expect from some skinny loser who spent his time fantasizing about magical worlds with his hand firmly down his pants. Me? God knows I'd made mistakes, but in the end I'd lived a full life I felt satisfied with. There was nothing else I really felt I needed to accomplish when my time on this earth drew to a close. How many people can say the same?

Towards the end of my life I'd done the smart thing like I'd learned in my spiritual training and prepared myself for the end. I knew it was coming. When you get past a certain age, certain folks just get a feel for that kind of thing. I even had some idea of what to expect on the other side, or at least I believed I did. Death, while it still scared me some as it began to happen, was something I willingly accepted with eyes and arms wide open.

Which is why suddenly finding myself in a white room looking at a gaudily dressed teenage girl came as such a huge Goddamn shock.

"What the hell?" I said out loud, eyes widening as I looked at the smirking girl in front of me.

The girl was a looker alright, though that was mostly an academic observation on my part since it had been more than five decades since I'd been interested in anything that young. Still that didn't do much to raise my opinion of her given the rest of her. The dress she was wearing was some lace and frill monstrosity that looked like the mating of a candy store and a Victorian dress gone wrong. Her hair was a rainbow of color and the smirk on her face was teasing and mischievous. Besides that, I was personally of the opinion that she at least half a decade too young looking to wear a dress that low cut. Actually, on second though, no self-respecting woman on God's green earth should ever wear something that low and scandalous. It had to be black magic that was holding it up and I could practically see her belly button. A frown quickly settled across my features and I crossed my arms across my chest.

"If you're supposed to be God," I said bluntly, "then I want a refund."

The girl produced a fan out of nowhere then, opened it, and hid her mouth behind it while she tittered. I raised an eyebrow at that and struggled to keep my cool. I hadn't forgotten that just a moment ago I'd been in the process of dying. Being thrown into this situation was nothing like anything I'd been expecting and it was quickly starting to make me mighty twitchy.

"Listen," I said, anger seeping into my words despite my attempts at holding it in. "I'm pretty sure I'm dead and I'd like to get on with that. So if you don't have anything to useful to say young lady, just point me in the right direction and I'll be on my way."

"My," the girl said, snapping her fan shut. Her smile suddenly turned predatory. "You're just as ornery and stereotypically old as your life record said you were. Not that I ever doubted it, you understand, but you can rarely truly appreciate these things until you see them face-to-face."

Her voice was musical, enchanting, and if I was the sort of person to believe in such things I'd almost be tempted to say perfect. Perfection, however, was not something I gave much credence to these days. However perfect the package appeared I was still decidedly unimpressed.

"You got any other useless commentary regale me with?" I asked, trying to keep myself calm and only partially succeeding. "Are you supposed to be temptation or something? Because I gotta tell you lady, you really shoulda picked something different if your plan was to catch my interest."

I saw a flicker of annoyance cross her face before it was smoothed out in a smile. I tried not to feel too much satisfaction at that. "I'm not sure if I should feel flattered or insulted by your words, Benjamin," the girl said airily. "But you should relax. I'm no devil and definitely not what you might refer to as God. More like a goddess really, with a small 'g'. And I'm here to make you an offer you can't refuse."

I stared at her for a long moment, thoughts churning. Then I took the time to really pay attention to my surroundings. I was standing, but my body felt distant. Not good exactly, and not pained and sluggish like it had been a short while ago, just... like it was an idea more than the real thing. The place we were in wasn't really a room like I'd originally thought. More like the suggestion of a room, all white everywhere with light somehow bending just enough to trick the mind into seeing four walls and a ceiling when in fact there was none. I thought about making a run for it, but what good would it do? I strongly suspected that my initial thought had been correct. I'd died. Now it looked like I'd been trapped by a devil, however much she claimed not to be one.

The girl smiled knowingly at me. I scowled. Was she reading my mind or something?

"Make me an offer I can't refuse?" I asked skeptically. "So, what? You're the 'goddess' of wise guys then? Am I supposed to give you my soul or you'll break my legs?"

"Hardly," the girl scoffed. "I wouldn't have any use for such a thing. No, if anything, I would be the 'goddess' of travel. Facilitating transportation of things across the omniverse for the eventual betterment of all is my mandate, you could say."

I blinked at that. "What? Seriously, transportation? Like Hermes?"

"There are some similarities, yes. Except I operate on a much, much larger scale."

Somehow, I knew she was telling the truth. Which was ridiculous. Everybody lied. I looked at her suspiciously. Was she using some kind of magic or trickery to get me to trust her? No, somehow I knew she wasn't. Deep in the core of my soul I knew she was telling the truth. Somehow.

"You're not lying?" I asked uncertainly just to clarify.

"Nope," she said, popping her 'p' like a damn kid.

"How could I possibly know that?" I asked. "Somehow, I do."

"It's an ability," she said with a smile. "An absolute truth and disclosure field on a conceptual level. Truly the power of gods and legends. It allows two parties who would never otherwise trust each other to at least negotiate in good faith, among other uses."

"Well... that's good," I said, somewhat taken aback by what she had said. Every word had rung true. Somehow, there was just no way it could be denied. "Is that something you use in all your conversations?"

"No," the girl said. "It's very rarely used. However I knew for a fact we'd be here for years with me trying to get you to trust me otherwise. I have better things to do than argue with an obstinate ass, I'm afraid."

I frowned at that. "You haven't exactly been a peach yourself," I practically growled.

"You're just far too prickly, Benjamin."

Annoying enough, that also rung as truth.

"So you gonna tell me your name," I groused, "before you make me that 'offer I can't refuse'?"

The girl clasped her hands together in front of her and nodded, somehow giving the impression that she was taking this seriously. "My name is Jump-chan."

That absolute-truth field thingie somehow rung a little off on that one. "You're not being entirely honest," I accused.

"Sure I am," she said. "Jump-chan is just one of my many aliases. I doubt any of my other more official ones would mean much to you anyway."

Truth.

"Tell me. Are you familiar with the multiverse theory?"

I blinked at the unexpected segue. "What, like alternate dimensions and stuff? Places with alternate histories?"

"Yes. Exactly like that."

"Well," I said, feeling a bit bewildered. "I saw a couple of Star Trek episodes on the subject, I think. Can't say I know anything more detailed than that though."

Jump-girl nodded like it was expected. She then opened the fan still in her hand and with a swish all of a sudden color and light seemed to flow from her fan to fill up the space between the two of them. As I watched what looked like a three dimensional map of the stars began to take shape, except each "star" seemed to give off a different colored glow and... feel for lack of a better term. Jump-girl walked up and pointed at a seemingly random light in the mess of what now had to be tens of thousands of different colored lights.

"This," began Jump-girl, "is a representation of your home multiverse cluster. Inside of it exist what are simultaneously an infinite and finite number of worlds and dimensions. Alternate histories of your entire universe all throughout time, numerous enough to be infinite for nearly all practical purposes. A remarkable cluster in some ways, and quite thoroughly mundane in others."

All that she said registered as true.

"However, no matter how far you look in your multiverse cluster you're never going to find some things that simply cannot exist there. For example, you mentioned Star Trek? The technology that makes that sort of civilization possible is incompatible with the physics of your multiverse cluster. No, for Star Trek and the Federation to exist slightly different rules would need to exist." Jump-girl then moved her hand and pointed at another small but brightly glowing light seemingly at random. "This multiverse cluster here has the required physical and metaphysical rules to allow the reality you know as 'Star Trek' to exist. Thus, all possible iterations of Star Trek exist in this multiverse cluster, since as I stated earlier all possibilities that can exist do exist in each and every cluster. Do you understand?" She asked, looking me right in the eyes with an unreadable expression as we looked at each other through the field of stars.

Did I understand? Well, in theory what she was saying was something I could understand easily enough, even if it was much more difficult to actually wrap my head around it. I mulled it over for a few moments before hesitantly speaking.

"That's all real interesting, I will admit. The idea that somewhere with slightly different rules literally anything can exist? Even the utopian ideas of some science fiction author back on Earth? It's... a lot to think about," I said, swallowing my discomfort and curiosity. There was still the billion dollar question though. "But what does any of that have to do with me?"

"You died. That means you can't go back," she said, not unkindly. "You realize that, right?"

I swallowed. "Yeah. It's not like I didn't see it coming. Body was too old, to worn down. It was only a matter of time."

Jump-girl nodded before her face turned serious. Suddenly the girl in front of him didn't look so young anymore. "Tell me. There is a modern term in use in your world nowadays. do you know what isekai is?"

I wracked my brain for an answer. It sounded familiar. Didn't my grand nephew go on about something like that to anyone who would listen two Christmases ago? Something about some Chinese cartoon character that landed in another world?

"Japanese character, actually," Jump-girl said, sounding mildly amused. "For about a decade the genre became all the rage before being gradually replaced by NTR and other worse trash, leading to the predictable collapse of the industry and the subsequent resurgence of Xianxia manga leading to the golden age of Japanese animation and comics dominating on the world stage. But that's neither here nor there at the moment."

I blinked. I had no idea what the hell she'd just said, so I ignored it and pushed on. "You still haven't gotten to the part where any of this has got to do with me," I pointed out. Then I frowned. "And stop reading my mind."

"Sorry. Hard habit to break," she said with a shit-eating smile that told me she wasn't going to be stopping any time soon. Then the smile gradually faded from her face until suddenly she looked decades older. It was a bit unnerving.

"My job is to try to make things better in the omniverse. However the nature of my powers makes taking direct action in multiverse clusters... problematic, for a lot of very good reasons. The way I get around this is by doing something similar to the isekai genre found in your world. I take the recently deceased, grant them powers and my blessings, and send them to do some good somewhere in the omniverse. That's why you're here Benjamin. I want to offer you a job, of sorts. To be my champion. To give you superpowers, essentially, so you can go out there in the multiverse and do some good," her smile became a sad, almost bitter thing. "I want you to become a hero, my hero, more or less."

True.

I looked away from her eyes and tiredly rubbed my face. "Look lady, I'm not sure what kind of guy you think I am but... that's me, I'm just a guy. I mean I don't think I'm entirely without good qualities, but what in the Sam Hill do I know about being some kind of hero? Hell, never mind some kind of world hopping hero or something."

Jump-girl's face softened. "I don't think you're giving yourself nearly enough credit."

I shook my head. "Look, I'm just a tired, bitter son of a bitch. I'm sure there are plenty of young strapping men willing to saddle up, keep living and get superpowers at the same time for... this, whatever this is. Do you really want someone who doesn't even want the job?"

Jump-girl's expression became positively thunderous, but I knew right away that it wasn't directed at me. "I made that mistake already. More times than I care to admit, hoping for a different result. Do you know what happens when you give young men eager for power the kind of strength they only dreamt about along with a dearth of limits and supervision? Whatever worse case scenario you can imagine, it's come to that, and worse. No. No more young idiots eager for 'adventure' who end up becoming monsters when they realize no one and nothing can stop them in whatever world I sent them to. No. No more. I need someone mature, someone who is a real adult. A grown person with decades of following a moral code who is too calcified and set in their ways to ever give in to the temptation to become a tyrant. That is what I need. That's why I need you."

True.

I shook my head, feeling bewildered by what I was hearing. "You don't even know me, lady," I protested somewhat weakly.

"Not true," she said. "I've seen your whole life, Benjamin. The highs and the lows. The good and the bad. For all your flaws - real and imagined - you never faltered from your own personal code even when you had every reason in the world to do so."

"I faltered," I protested, voice suddenly hoarse. "Many times. More than once."

"That's right," Jump-lady said with a nod. "And you regretted it, and resolved never to do it again. And you've held strong. For more than thirty years, you've held strong." She gave him a kind supportive smile. "Now that's the kind of record I think I can put my faith behind, don't you?"

True.

I looked away, suddenly feeling ashamed. I didn't deserve that kind of praise. "So, these bad apples of yours," I said, not so subtly changing the subject. "You say they ran wild, made a mess of things. No offence, but why didn't you stop them?"

Jump-lady frowned, a touch of frustration entering her voice. "When a champion of mine enters a multiverse cluster my ability to monitor and... correct their activities becomes severely curtailed. Only when they exit the cluster do I once again have full admin control. Eventually, once they get strong enough, I can't force them out. So there they have remained in the last cluster I sent them to, God-kings of their own petty kingdoms in some tiny corner of the omniverse. I hate those thieves. I hate them. They are some of my worst mistakes, and I have been around for a long time."

I nodded slowly as I digested that. "So... your plan is for me to hunt down these douchebags then?"

Her eyes widened and Jump-lady let out a startled laugh of surprise. "My, you know, I was so concerned with getting the right sort of person to help me fulfill my purpose I had not even considered it. No. I don't know. Maybe?"

"I've never a problem beating the living lights out of someone who deserved it," I said with a lopsided smile, remembering old times.

"So you'll take the job, then?"

I faltered, then forced myself to look her in the eye. "I was actually ready to die, you know. It's a natural process. My time had come. I'd been hoping to finally be able to let down my burdens."

Jump-girl smiled, her expression sympathetic. "You also hoped to see your wife again, yes?"

I grimaced and looked away. "Expected it? No, not really. It sounds too good to be true, so I doubt it is. But hoped? Yeah. I hoped. For sure I hoped."

"Almost every damn day," Jump-lady added quietly, finishing his thought.

I could only nod before gruffly adding, "I thought I told you to stop reading my mind."

"Sorry. Old habits," she said, not sounding sorry at all. "So, are you going to take the deal?"

Slowly I shook my head. "No. I'm sorry, but no. I want to move on and... I'm not sure if I'd be any good at it anyway."

Jump-girl nodded as if she'd been expecting it. "What if I sweeten the deal?" she asked.

I almost said no before stopping myself. "I'm listening," I finally said.

"You wife," she began, "When you get strong enough, if you want, I can reunite you with her soul. You might be able to bring her back to life. Or, you could simply say goodbye. Finally get that closure you've never been able to get. I suspect that would be more valuable to you than anything else I could offer you."

Truth.

"Y-you can really do that?" I asked, disbelief and even a little wonder in my voice. "You can bring the dead back to life."

Jump-girl made a so-so motion with her hand. "It's more compilated than that," she said. "But I can deliver on what I promised, when you are ready."

Truth.

My wife... my Zola. Dear God. Was this real? The "truth" ability let me feel the truth of everything being said and promised down to the very core of my soul. This was the closest thing to an absolute guarantee I would ever get from anyone or anything. The chance to see my Zola one more time? To... say everything that went unsaid? That needed to be said?

Maybe even bring her back to life?

I... wasn't sure how I felt about that last one. I really wasn't. But everything else?

Yes.

Well then. In that case, if this was going to happen, then it needed to happen properly.

I straightened my back, pulling myself up to fully to attention, strong and straight. "And you only want me to be this champion thing to help people?"

"To make things better," corrected Jump-girl. "So overwhelmingly, yes."

I mulled that over for a minute. "I get to decide how I help people. I don't want any backseat driving. If you're going to be giving me power to change a bunch of people's lives, then I sure as hell am also going to take the responsibility that goes with it."

Jump-lady genuinely smiled at that. "Already asking for more responsibility? My, my faith in you being the right person for this job is increasing by the minute."

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. So? Do we have a deal or do I get to go on to the afterlife?" I asked.

Jump-lady beamed at me and nodded. "We have a deal."

She then held out her hand for me to shake. Cautiously and with suspicion clearly written on my face, I reached out and shook her hand. I gotta say, the broad grin on her face instantly started giving me second thoughts about my decision.

Looks like life is about to start getting interesting again.

 

[ManifestElements]

"So," I asked. "How's this going to work, exactly?"

Jump-girl twirled away from me, snapping her fingers as her gaudy dress swirled all around her. From the dress itself streams of color and light exploded in a rainbow of color. As I watched the colors seemed to materialize and solidify, until suddenly I was standing in what looked like an old Victorian sitting room. However the color palette was all wrong. It was all bright and eye searing, much like my "host" herself.

She sat herself down at a small table by a window. Briefly looking outside I saw a sunny day with clear skies, along with a grassy meadow that seemed to stretch out into infinity. Jump-girl gestured at the seat across from her. "Will you sit down? We have much to talk about now that you have accepted my proposal, my champion."

Still feeling somewhat wary about her - and about the whole situation - in spite of my having accepted her proposal I did as she asked and reluctantly sat down across from her. As I watched a fancy looking tea set and cups materialized on the table in front of us out of thin air. I did my best not to show how impressive I found all of the little magical displays. That just wasn't the kind of man I was, and I didn't want her to get a big head.

"Tea?" she offered as she poured herself a cup, a knowing smirk on her lips. I remembered then that she could read my mind. Goddamn it.

"Coffee, if you got it," I grumbled, already knowing that telling her yet again to stop reading my mind would be a waste of breath. Bitch.

"Cream and sugar?" she asked happily, not giving any reaction to my last thought.

"Black," I replied. "The stronger the better."

"How about a Turkish blend then?"

She poured me a cup out of the same pot that smelled like strong coffee, but came out with a consistency of almost syrup. With a skeptical look I picked up the cup and took a sip. My eyes widened as soon as it hit my taste buds.

"Damn," I said, staring at the cup in disbelief. "Credit where credit's due. This might be the best cup of Joe I've ever had in my entire life, miss."

"One of the very best blends from a wide selection of universes. Just one small side benefit of working with me, I assure you," Jump-lady said, looking pleased. "I think you'll find that there are many such benefits."

"You don't say?" I said, not bothering to hide my inherent dubiousness. That didn't stop me from enjoying that heavenly cup of coffee, though.

We spent a few minutes after that in surprisingly companionable silence. I don't know what she was thinking, but for my part I appreciated a few moments to get my bearings, to get my feet back under me again. I'd always been good at rolling with the punches, but this was absolutely something else. After a few minutes I decided the best thing to do was just to go with the flow, but at the same time not let this girl push me around, even if she was technically my new boss. Just looking at the eye searing colors Jump-girl like to surround herself with, I got the feeling that there were a lot of things we wouldn't necessarily be seeing eye to eye on.

"So," began Jump-girl as she began pouring herself a second cup of tea. "Here's the basic run down: the goal is generally to make things better. From saving kittens from trees to helping old ladies cross the street who would have otherwise have gotten hit by a car to cleaning up toxic waste to taking apart criminal organizations, anything and everything works. As per our agreement generally I wont tell you what to do or how to do it, as long as you spend a decent chunk of your time working for the betterment of all things."

I thought that over for a minute as I gestured for her to refill my cup. She did, the tea that had come out from the tea pot previously magically replaced by that magnificent coffee. "So if I spend eight hours a day rescuing kittens from trees you'll be satisfied with that?" I asked her dubiously as I picked up my second cup of Joe. "Somehow I don't think you'd go through all this trouble for something so mundane."

"You're right, of course," she said with a nod. "Once you get some training and abilities under your belt, I'll generally be looking to send you to worlds where you can do the most good. What that typically means is that I'll be sending you places where there exists some kind of existential, large scale threat. Solving these kinds of problems tends to be how one individual can do the most to benefit all things, no matter what his level of power or experience."

"Existential, large scale threats?" I asked, frowning. "Exactly what sort of things are we talking about here?"

"Hmmm, I'd forgotten that you never really enjoyed your world's fiction all that much did you?" she said casually. "Well, by existential threats I mean things that threaten destruction on a large scale. At least on the scale of an entire nation. More commonly, however, I'm referring to threats to an entire world or worlds. Eldritch abominations from beyond the edges space. Demon Lords about to be unleased to kill or enslave an entire planet. Intelligent nanite swarms seeking to integrate all existing matter in the universe into their collective. It will be your job to stop these kinds of things. And worse."

Despite the warmth of the coffee, I felt a chill run through my spine at her words.

"Saving entire universes?" I asked, half to her and half to myself. "And you expect one guy to do all that? Shit. You're not shy about dumping unreasonable expectations on someone, are you?"

"Unreasonable? Hardly," she scoffed. "I won't punish you for failure, so long as you try your best. Success it never guaranteed after all, not in these types of situations. However I'll make sure to give you all the tools you need to succeed. And you won't be fighting alone. Or well, you could if you chose to, but I wouldn't recommend it. Recruiting the locals to help - or helping the locals help themselves - if often the best strategy, especially since the locals will often already possess at least some means to protect themselves. Plus you'll be also be able to recruit companions to help you. If you want, anyone you meet you can convince to come with you, so that they might help you in your future missions. Eventually it would be for the best if you could recruit a whole team of like minded individuals to help you in your missions."

I frowned as I thought that over for a minute, drinking more of that coffee. I'll admit I didn't give it a lot of hard thought before I'd hastily accepted Jump-girl's offer to work for her, and now that more of the details were coming to light I began to realize this whole thing was a lot bigger than anything I had previously imagined. I also didn't know how I felt about recruiting more people. Though there might be some perks to this new gig, I was starting to get a feel for the enormity of what I'd just signed myself up for. I wasn't sure if it was the kind of thing I'd want to drag more people into. Something to think about later.

"So, what happens if I get myself killed?" I asked, more out of curiosity than any genuine fear.

Jump-girl shrugged. "Then the 'Jump' - that will be our shorthand for me inserting you into a new world, by the way - will end and your soul will find itself back here with me. However let me warn you that due to the nature of that transference, you will not be able to return to the place you died in to try and fix things if you die prematurely. No do-overs."

"How come?" I asked.

She made a dismissive gesture. "It has to do with relative time dilation as it relates to what is possible inside and outside a given multiverse cluster. In simpler terms, if you are killed in a world it will be millions of years from their point of view before your soul finds its way back here. It's way more complex that that, but your human mind wouldn't be able to comprehend a more in depth explanation, not really. Suffice to say I can only really give you one shot at fixing things without creating a net instability in the entire local multiverse cluster."

"So absolutely no do-overs, then," I said with a thoughtful frown.

"Exactly."

We were silent for another few minutes while we drank. Though I wasn't inclined to say it, I was glad the new boss lady was giving me the time to absorb all this new information. It was a lot, I will admit. But in truth? As far as my thinking went, I had already just died. Kind of put things in perspective. It made stressing out about the future seem a lot more trivial, somehow.

"So how is this going to work?" I asked after I finished my fourth cup of Joe. "You just drop me off somewhere and I'm on my own?"

"Of course not," Jump-girl said, sounding almost offended by the suggestion. "No, the first thing we're going to do is send you to somewhere where you can learn a useful set of powers and skills. No big stakes. No worries about improving things, though I wouldn't be opposed if you made an effort to do so. Just a decade or two of building you up so you'll actually stand a chance of making a difference. A foundation for you to build on in the future, if you will."

I raised an eyebrow, feeling intrigued despite myself. "So like some kind of basic training for interdimensional heroing, is that it?"

"Essentially, yes. You could think of it that way."

"What sort of training did you have in mind?"

Jump-chan smiled, her eyes glittering with excitement. Somehow it made her seem actually as young as the teenager she was presenting herself as. "Well, that's the kicker, isn't it? We have a lot of options. I've narrowed it down to just a few."

Looking at the excitement written all over her face, I couldn't help but get a bad feeling about this. "Oh?"

She nodded enthusiastically. "That's right! So, let me lay out three options that I picked out for you, all of them a wonderful foundation for you in their own way. I could send you somewhere to learn martial arts that will make you literally superhuman, in a city full of young people just like you who will challenge you daily thus giving you ample opportunity to improve your skills. Or, I could send you somewhere to an academy to learn magic, where you can learn to bend the very fabric of creation to your will giving you a set of skills that will transfer to a great many universes that exist out there. However if you want more flexibility in what you learn I could send you to a medieval world where you can become a classic adventurer, give you the options to choose a class or even multiclass and retrain to your hearts content as you delve into dungeons and fight monsters for growth, glory and treasure."

I blinked. In truth, I had no idea how to respond to that. "That's... good," I said cautiously, trying to pretend I understood everything she was talking about.

"I know, right? So what will it be for your first world? Superhuman martial arts, one of the greatest magic academies in the multiverse or the life of an adventurer?"

I didn't answer right away. Instead I poured myself another cup of coffee as I deliberated the choices that Jump-girl had just laid out for me. While I can't say I understood everything she had just talked about, I understood enough. I frowned. They were all things a lot of people would fight for. For a lot of people, I could see how this kind of thing really would be some kind of fantasy come true. Still, something about these choices niggled at me. Something about these choices didn't feel quite right.

"Benjamin? Anyone home?" she asked me after a few minutes.

"Give me a bit, I'm thinking," I told her irritably.

"Humph. Fine, but don't take forever. All the choices are equally worthy. I should know, I vetted them myself."

Were they really worthy though? With that thought what was bothering me about these choices started to become more clear. They all, in some way, promised to give me power. But was that really what I needed? In order to do this job and help save as many people as I could, was going straight for power really the best way to do it?

"Hey Jump-girl," I said. "I got a question."

She looked briefly annoyed at how I changed her name. "Of course."

"Given our conversation it kinda made it sound that I'm going to get stronger over time no matter what. Is that true?"

Jump-girl nodded. "Yes. Every world you go to, you'll be able to learn something of whatever makes that world special. Magic, martial arts, special genetic abilities, their technology, and so forth. Whatever abilities you gain in each world you'll be able to keep. Growing stronger with each jump is a built in feature. It's practically inevitable, unless you really go out of your way to not get any stronger, I suppose."

I nodded. That settled it for me, then. "Then I don't want any of those training places you suggested. In fact, if anything they would probably do more harm than good in the long run."

Jump-girl frowned at me, and suddenly something about her look became downright terrifying. "Oh? My carefully selected choices are not good enough for you, Benjamin? Would you care to enlighten me as to your reasoning?"

I had to briefly struggle to keep my nerve. Whatever had just changed in her in that brief second made me feel like I was a mouse suddenly facing down a lioness. However, when you don't have a whole lot left to lose and have officially stopped giving a shit, it's a hell of a lot harder to stay afraid. "Look, it sounds like getting powerful in this gig is pretty much a given," I began, laying out my thoughts. "So I'm not worried about that. You know what I am worried about? I need to know I have the mental toughness and discipline to carry this through without fucking it up or becoming like one of your little power hungry proteges that went apeshit and became little monsters. I need to make sure I have the right mindset. If this is like basic, I need to learn how and when to apply power in the best way possible. Self-discipline. Restraint. Strategy. Tactics," I shook my head. "Power? Screw that. That's the last thing I want right now. You don't give a newbie grunt a gun before teaching them firearm safety, how to clean and maintain their weapon, teach them how to properly use their weapon, the works. After going through all of that then maybe , maybe, I can be trusted with a bit of power," I shook my head. "Not before."

The dangerous air the girl was giving off thankfully decreased to virtually nothing after I stopped talking, though the severe expression didn't leave her face. She was silent for a few long moments as she looked at me with rainbow colored eyes before she spoke. "I see. It seems I have misjudged you. And perhaps underestimated you. My apologies."

Feeling uncomfortable, I waved her off gruffly. "Yeah, whatever. Don't go making a big deal about it or nothin'."

She gave me a small smile. "I had not considered your point of view. I think it has merit. My thoughts and attention are so often on larger things that I can occasionally miss things on this level that should be rather obvious, in hindsight."

"'Occasionally' huh?" I said skeptically.

"Regardless," she continued, completely ignoring my comment. "I think I see the shape your thoughts are going with this. You want some sort of military training, yes?"

I chewed on my cheek before firmly nodding. "Yeah, that's right. Special forces," I said, as my mind drifted back to memories long past. "I'd like to finish this time."

"You dropped out last time, did you not?" Jump-girl asked delicately.

I grimaced before nodding anyway. "Yeah. I did. After I - after I got shot down, I went in for TACP training back in '67. Almost finished it, too," I said with a grim smile, pride and regret warring inside of me, "before my wife finally managed to convince me I was doing it for all the wrong reasons. She was right, too, as usual. It was the right choice to quit at the time but I... well, part of me always regretted quitting when I did."

"And you want a second chance?" she asked with a knowing little smirk.

I hesitated before nodding. "That's not my only reason. But yeah, I do."

Jump-girl sighed before nodding. "Very well, who am I to deny such a heartfelt and well thought out request? An advanced futuristic civilization can also get you educated on advanced technology and high tech computing, which are essential skills to have on a surprisingly high percentage of worlds. That would certainly be for the best. We just need to pick one that also has special forces training, which pretty much all of them do. So, what options do we have available? Well, the first thing that comes to mind is the famed N Special Operations Program, which comes from a space fairing civilization that-"

"No," I said, cutting her off.

She blinked at me, looking bewildered. "No?"

"No," I said, shaking my head. "I don't want some fancy Star Trek special forces training or anything goofy like that. I want to train in what I know. Earth. 20th century. United States Armed Forces. That's the training I want."

Jump-girl just looked at me, looking genuinely baffled. "What? Why?"

Somehow, her bafflement made me feel somewhat offended. "Because it's what I know. And because I know it works. Don't need anything more than that."

"But that's so...so boring!" she practically exploded on me. "And inefficient! You're already practically a luddite Benjamin. Even if I sent you to train somewhere in 1999 more-or-less as you knew it, at least three quarters of the technology training you might get will be completely useless for navigating more advanced civilizations!"

"If it's that important, I'm sure I can learn later," I said stubbornly, crossing my arms.

"But... but it's so mundane," she whined, practically looking pained. "You need practice fighting supernatural, weird, alien stuff. Besides, you're a good guy Benjamin. You don't want to shoot other people, right? How about I send you to a world with some nice mindless monster aliens to shoot? That way you can become a special forces badass and be somewhere awesome in the meantime!"

I shifted uncomfortably before steeling my resolve. "I've killed people before," I growled. "Never liked it. But I got a feeling that working under you I'm not going to be able to keep my hands clean forever. This is another part of the training. No deal."

"Futuristic guns? Seeing space? Power armor?"

"No deal."

"But-but - I could make you a super soldier magic space ninja!"

I frowned harder. "No. Deal." I said, emphasizing each word. "This is my training. This is I want. 20th century. United States Armed Forces. Special Operations. This is what I feel I'm going to need if you want me to do this 'champion' thing for you the right way. If you don't like it, then go ahead and send me on my way to the afterlife." I paused. "And that's my final offer."

Jump-girl looked at me, looking positively heartbroken, but I stubbornly raised my chin and wouldn't give her an inch. Finally, she dropped her head, her bangs falling to cover her eyes. Then she spoke, and something was different. Her voice was a low, dangerous hiss that sent a sharp spike of alarm shooting directly into my reptilian hindbrain.

"You want to be like that? Fine. I'll give you what you want. I'll send you somewhere where you'll train to be a Green Beret in the 1950's, leading to a long and distinguished military career. How does that sound?"

Well, it... sounded exactly like what I wanted. But her sudden demeanor stopped me cold from feeling any sense of victory at that moment. "That, that sounds good. Thank-"

"Oh, don't thank me yet," she hissed, cutting me off. "Not until you've heard everything. You see, Benjamin, being a Green Beret will just be the beginning. You'll then get to play the role of the man who will be hailed in his world as the greatest soldier to ever live. And no matter how much you struggle, no matter how hard you try, you'll have to go through all of the fights, trials, and tribulations that he went through. Every. Last. One."

"H-hey now," I said, suddenly getting very nervous as the air around me kept getting more and more oppressive. "Maybe you should calm down just a little bi-"

"So congratulations," she interrupted, as she then began literally cackling while most of her face was still hidden from view. "You'll get to slip into the shoes of arguably the greatest warrior any 20th century United States of America ever produced, on any universe, ever. Of course that means that you'll be expected to fight all sorts of fascinating people such as telepaths, immortals, vampires, people with psychic powers, warrior mystics, and all sorts of other interesting individuals that by all means shouldn't exist but somehow still do. Don't worry though. I'll pull some strings to make sure you don't die. Just this once. No matter how much it hurts!"

I watched, frozen, as if some external force had taken hold of me, as Jump-girl lifted her head and looked at me. The expression that now covered her face was manic, vicious, her face somehow subtly changed to look more vulpine and predatory. And somehow, hungry. But it was her eyes that were the worst. They were an endless pit, a fathomless chasm of swirling rainbow colored lights that felt like they would completely shatter my sense of self if I continued to look into them for too long.

I had never been more frightened of something in my entire life.

"Have fun, Benjamin," she said, her voice vicious and cruel. "See you in a few decades. Don't disappoint me."

Then I was falling, and falling, and falling. I only had time for one more thought before everything went black.

My boss is one scary b***.