SneakyDevil
(Verified Devil's Advocate)
- Location
- Universe A-94
Heyo folks, I was looking for a group of people to tell me how utter shit the fanfiction I am currently co-oping is.
Here is the story, I'd love to hear ANY feedback good or bad. Scorched Earth, Shattered Steel (and yes I know the first chapter is awful, we are already looking for ways to rewrite it)
Also, looking for help to refine an..aria for way in the future. It got stuck in my head so yeah...
The character using it has had the following events happen to her: soul/mind raped by eldritch horror, betrayed and locked on a rock with insane people for 10 years, thrown into a land where everything wants to eat her face, find out she caused a time loop to occur that made her get rekt by previously mentioned eldritch horrors and by doing so almost gets her only friend killed horribly
Shattered is my Soul,
Rent is my Mind.
I deny Hesitation,
Abandoned in my pursuits…
I deny Regret,
For I have defied demons,
To reach beyond my grasp.
For I have defied gods,
To do the Impossible.
This is my Vow, This is my Path...
For even Dead Gods can Dream…
Witness the Truth, Abyssal Nightmare.
So really, go nuts and tell me how awful it is(and maybe suggest ways to improve it) so I can go about and try and fix it. Please.
Here is the story, I'd love to hear ANY feedback good or bad. Scorched Earth, Shattered Steel (and yes I know the first chapter is awful, we are already looking for ways to rewrite it)
Also, looking for help to refine an..aria for way in the future. It got stuck in my head so yeah...
The character using it has had the following events happen to her: soul/mind raped by eldritch horror, betrayed and locked on a rock with insane people for 10 years, thrown into a land where everything wants to eat her face, find out she caused a time loop to occur that made her get rekt by previously mentioned eldritch horrors and by doing so almost gets her only friend killed horribly
she seeks to improve herslef and on an adventure with her new master she is forced to kill him after he goes insane, she then goes on to kill herself in a effort to slay a hollowed god only to be brought back by something that plays with universes like its a children toy for sheer amusement of said entity
Shattered is my Soul,
Rent is my Mind.
I deny Hesitation,
Abandoned in my pursuits…
I deny Regret,
For I have defied demons,
To reach beyond my grasp.
For I have defied gods,
To do the Impossible.
This is my Vow, This is my Path...
For even Dead Gods can Dream…
Witness the Truth, Abyssal Nightmare.
So really, go nuts and tell me how awful it is(and maybe suggest ways to improve it) so I can go about and try and fix it. Please.