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Napoleon did Nothing Wrong: What if the 19th century had the Internet?

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I'm kinda ripping off @RiverDelta's excellent Tankie joke timeline for this...hope you all enjoy.
DISCLAIMER: This timeline isn't super serious, and I don't support shit like the Trail of Tears or the Mexican-American War. So even if characters in the timeline support some heinous shit, that doesn't equate to me supporting it myself, ya dig?
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United States invades Mexico
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    • Parzival

    Parzival

    Location
    Northern Virginia
    Pronouns
    He/Him
    The Manchester Guardian
    United States of America Declares War on Mexico!    ​
    The United States Congress has voted to declare war on the Mexican Republic. United States President James K. Polk has justified this in a statement to the press, saying "well, we really want their land, and it's not like they can stop us with their puny army. Also, they attacked our troops first so this is really a defensive war."
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    GuillotineNet: The Forum for True Revolutionary Republican-Democratic Liberals
    ​
    CuteChartist said:
    Oh shit. Well, my heart goes out to our Mexican brothers. Still, maybe this will get the fucking Bonapartists on the forum to shut up about how the United states are anti-colonialist or something.
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    BeefsteakBoi said:
    What, you just noticed? America's been imperialist ever since it started moving west.
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    [MOD]ViveLaRepublique said:
    I'm sorry, I think ya'll are confused. This isn't GirondinNet, this is GuillotineNet. Here at GuillotineNet we support the United States and its anti-imperialist Manifest Destiny.
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    CuteChartist said:
    I'm sorry, but how is the United States invading a sovereign republic at all anti-imperialist?
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    [MOD]ViveLaRepublique said:
    Look. You know the Monroe Doctrine? Well, this is really an evolution of that. We all know that Old Europe would like nothing more than seeing the young republics fail and be crushed. Also, the new Latin American republics? Super weak, they'd be crushed easily. What the United States is doing is making sure that won't happen by invading the new Republics and incorporating them into the Empire of Liberty, where they will be protected by the U.S. Army! It's quite brilliant, really.
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    BeefsteakBoi said:
    That makes a ton of sense, really. I never should have doubted. God bless the USA! Liberty or death!
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    • GuillotineNet Debates: Is Slavery really that bad? (Also, nativism!)
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    • GuillotineNet: The Forum for True Revolutionary Republican-Democratic Liberals​

    [MOD]VivaLaRepublique said:
    @BeefsteakBoi I was curious...why'd you end off your last post with that whole "god bless the USA, liberty or death" thing?
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    BeefsteakBoi said:
    I mean, my grandpop said that a lot. He served under General Washington, you know. I guess I just picked it up from him.
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    TruePatriot said:
    What, seriously? I always figured you were a limey. You know, because of your name.
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    BeefsteakBoi said:
    No, no. My great-grandparents came from Scotland, but I'm 100% Native American.
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    [MOD]VivaLaRepublique said:
    Hey, guys? Could we get back on topic, please? This is the US Politics thread, not the "What's everyone's national origin thread".
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    TruePatriot said:
    I mean, it's not like the two topics are mutually exclusive, anyway.
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    CuteChartist said:
    TruePatriot, please shut the fuck up. What the hell is a Know Nothing doing in an international liberal forum anyway?
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    [MOD]VivaLaRepublique said:
    @CuteChartist, this is your last warning. Any more incivility to other members and you will be banned. @TruePatriot, could you please stop trying to derail this thread to rant about immigrants?
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    RuleTheWaves said:
    Okay, here's something to put the thread back on topic. Why the fuck aren't we talking about slavery here? 130 pages, but not one mention of slavery, which seems a little odd in a thread about U.S. Politics!
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    CuteChartist said:
    Well, be seeing you. I have no desire to get burnt to a crisp in this flame war.
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    [MOD]VivaLaRepublique said:
    @RuleTheWaves, you are on thin ice here. It's bad enough that you are a monarchist, now you have to start a flame war over slavery?
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    RuleTheWaves said:
    I'm just saying, I'm not sure why we aren't condemning this. Owning people as property doesn't seem like it's compatible with the rights of man.
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    [MOD]VivaLaRepublique said:
    It is true that slavery is perhaps not the most liberal of institutions. However, there is a reason why we don't talk about it, it inevitably leads to flame wars. Look, it's a dying institution anyway, there's no point in fighting about it when it's going to die out in 50 years or so. Anyway, the next person I see who mentions slavery gets the banhammer, I'm sick of hearing about it.
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