Some of the collected rambling pre-recorded messages of Lady Ciaran to the Abyss Watchers as recorded by Rhymana a'Lathel:
"Lady Ciaran here, thank you for volunteering to participate in this operation. If you are in Task Force 'A6', please proceed through the blue door and you'll be met by our esteemed Var Zheen. I'm going to be honest with you I wasn't paying attention when he explained what he is planning on doing so I will just recommend you do what he says and I wish you the best of luck." - Pre-Recorded message for all volunteers who elect to participate in one of Var Zheen's experiments for the hazard pay. This particular recording was taken just before an experiment that resulted in the violent decompression of Var Zheen's labs and First Abysswalker Kygeetu san Torgh's mask being scarred by a Starweird which she then slew in a fit of rage.
"Hey Combat Ops., guess who! That right it's the beautiful woman who signs your paychecks. This is your five minutes courtesy notice that Grievous just got back from a mission. Not sure who or what he's killed this time but odds are good he wants to show off so put on your armor and find a good place to hide for the next few hours cause the last time someone didn't they ended up volunteering with our Cybernetics division." -Pre-recorded message played each time that Grievous returns from a successful hunt.
"I've been warned that the amount of power I have and my propensity for self-indulgence is a possible path to the Dark Side. I'm not a Jedi, by choice and design, but not exercising my right to a good time seems like a stupid idea. So guess what, long weekend for everyone! That's right go home right now. Immediately. I'm sending the Silencer and Grievous to make sure this happens people so get the hell out." -Message Pre-Recorded for after any Jedi spends significant time with Abyss Watcher Agents. The Weekend off was later removed due to organizational scheduling problems and replaced with a refresh of personal days.
"I have just been informed that we have people who need to work over the weekends much like the rest of our senior management. Sorry but looks like you people have to stay. I'll pack a nice bonus onto your next paycheck to make up for it. If you've already left than that's gonna be a black mark in your records, at least until the Agents drag your ass back here and I erase it. If they don't find you then well you're getting a promotion because if you can hide that well than what are you doing in an entry level position." -Message broadcast after the above message nearly resulted in several experiment containment breaches and Gulan suffering hair loss.
"Welcome to one of the many recruitment vessels of the Abyss Watchers! You might be asking yourself, 'What have I signed up for?' or 'Where am I and how did I get here?'. If you follow the flashing light that matches the blinking wristband we put on you on the flight over those questions will be answered and several more will take their place. A little teaser though, you've signed onto a galaxy spanning conspiracy and the celebratory "insert local beverage here" was spiked so we could give you a thorough bio-screening and body search. Hey, if I'm gonna be managing the afore mentioned conspiracy I have to be a little careful every once and a while. Nothing personal, you understand." - Pre-Recorded message for Abyss Watcher Recruits.
"Lady Ciaran here with my most sincere apologies to those of us that have developed a wonderful appreciation for Kaleesh culture and cuisine, but the bean counters have been on my tail for fueling the meteoric rise of our organization and quote, 'Financing this organization along a razor's edge of unimaginable wealth and bankruptcy,' unquote. Well I say that I can imagine our current wealth pretty damn well, I'm looking at the balance sheet as I speak and I don't think this thing has ever even seen a drop of red ink in its life but what do I know. The answer is everything, my eyes are everywhere and I hear everything. That's right, I know exactly what you did last night and gotta say kinda impressed. Report to the HR Dept. there's something waiting for you there.
Oh right, bean counters say that grave-lizards stuffed with bone marrow have been removed from the regular menu and are now every other day. Gonna see what I can do about that, I've been eating the stuff as a snack since my last big trip to Kalee with Grievous. Oh idea! I should see if he might be able to scare old and spooky into laying off for a while. Long story short, be productive people as no one wants their indulgences cut back. Ciaran out." -Message recorded after the annual senior management budget meeting resulted in the Accounting Dept. pleading with Vectivus to speak with Lady Ciaran so that they wouldn't need to hire an entire Accounts Payable Dept. on the fly.
