Hey, guys, Sithking Zero here. Decided to jump on the SI bandwagon with an idea that just would...
(Mass EffectxMLP SI) Equestria On Thirty Rounds a Day: A Kroganized SI
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Sithking Zero
High Priest of the First Church of The Deputy
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Hey, guys, Sithking Zero here. Decided to jump on the SI bandwagon with an idea that just would not go away. I'd like your opinions and thoughts before I try posting it elsewhere, so I'd like to hear... well, like I said, so I can make it better.
Equestria on Thirty Rounds a Day:
A Kroganized Self-Insert
Personal Log: Entry 1
As I've lived my life these many years, I've frequently had an opportunity to sit back and think without panicking. I find such an experience is enhanced with a nice glass of sweetened green tea or three, perhaps with some classical rock music playing in the background and a good fantasy novel in my lap, ready for my perusal.
Running through the Everfree Forest in a body that is not my own, hours after committing treason to Equestria, chased by Royal Guards, attempting to reconcile my own memories with those of another life, and armed with a weapon that I barely know how to use is in fact not the aforementioned set of ideal circumstances. In fact, one could go so far as to say that said scenario is practically theopposite of what I wish was happening right now.
But you know the old saying, if wishes were horses… heh.
I'll try to make these more professional. My name… gods above, I can't even remember my name… damn you, you psychotic bastard, you- ahem. My name… unknown. Age… indeterminate, but based on memories of college, I'm forced to assume post-puberty and that I was an adult of the species Homo Sapiens Sapiens. Species… I'll get back to you on that, I want to make some double checks to make sure that I'm getting this right. I'm not sure if I'm going mad or not, really hoping not… I'm recording this from a cave that I found after my retreat from the Castle of the Two Pony Sisters, utilizing what can only be described as an omnitool. Yes, an omnitool. It came with the armor… that again, I'm wearing now.
I do my best thinking out loud, so I figured, hey, I have some time… why not go over how the hell I got into this mess, might help me make sense of what's happening. What's going to happen next, as well.
Also, if anyone finds this record, it'll be useful to help them avoid my mistakes. Of which there are probably many, come to think of it.
I know that it would perhaps be best to try to use this time to seek better shelter, but quite honestly, I can't think of better shelter. The forest will keep the Pegasi from clearing the weather away, the animals and toxic plants will block attempts to gain access to the forest, and this cave keeps out the weather… Okay, I still should be moving, but I haven't eaten in a while, and the storm makes it a bad idea to leave the cave. I'm not afraid of thunder and lightning- never really understood people who were, to be honest- but I know better to walk around when you're eight feet tall and clad head to toe in metal armor in the middle of a lightning storm. And I'm one of those people who gets kind of weird when they haven't had food… well, I was one of those people who got weird when they didn't have food, I dunno what lack of food does to my biology now…
But I've delayed long enough. I really should start talking. Well, talking about the thing I'm supposed to be talking about, not the things I've been talking about, which is- I probably haven't mentioned it, but I get motor mouth when I get excited, or nervous, or… whole bunch of reasons. I just start rambling and… get off topic like I am now.
Jesus, Buddha, and Zeus, I'm in so much trouble…
So the beginning. The best place to start, unless you like starting In Media Res. Star Wars pulled it off pretty well, the original, not the pre- stop it.
Hokay. So it all started yesterday, when I woke up. A common enough occurrence, happens to all of us. But I wasn't ready for it yet, so without even opening my eyes, I pulled the covers back up a little tighter, smiled, and let myself drift back into the land of dreams. There was but three major problems. First off, when I tried tightening my hands around my blanket, they clutched at nothing. Second problem, when I tried tightening my hands around my blanket, I couldn't feel my pinky or ring fingers. Third problem, when I smiled… there was something wrong with my mouth.
My eyes snapped open and I tried to roll upright, but all that succeeded in doing was putting me flat on my back, where I have no choice but to look straight up… where I can see the face of the moon… and the measure of how screwed I was at the moment, because instead of the comforting blotches of the Sea of Tranquility or Sea of Storms, I was treated to a view of a patchy unicorn's head silhouetted against the rocky orb's face.
Oh thank you god, I thought, It's only a dream. I'm going to wake up soon, and I won't be dreaming that I'm staring at Equestria's moon. See? My vision isn't even right. Feels like I have panoramic vision… Alright, pretty clever, dream, making it look so real, but all I need to do is bite my tongue and all this goes away. Because it's not real.
And with that, I proceeded to bite my own tongue hard.
For future reference, this is a very stupid thing to do. Don't do it. Because it really, really, really hurts.
"FUCK!" I screamed, slapping my hands over my mouth, having just learned the reason of why biting one's tongue is a bad idea.
It was then that I began to truly panic, as now I was at least sixty percent sure that this wasn't a dream. If that was the case, and that I was actually awake, feelings of horror filled my whole body… which I could now tell wasn't the same shape that it was the day before. My legs felt strange, my body had a strange lump near the bottom of the torso, my eyes were weird, and my hands- I'm not gonna lie. For a moment, I was pleading to every deity that I had ever heard of, real or fictional, dead or alive, that I still had my hands. The God-Emperor, Athame, Lolth, Thor, Shiva, Jesus… all were sent prayers… and I will give them credit, if any of them did interfere. I did indeed still have hands.
They just weren't my hands.
Where I once had five pink sausages emerging from a paw-like palm, now stood two fingers and one thumb per hand. All were wrapped in some sort of black mesh and plates of armor, but I could feel through them as though they weren't even there. I remember vaguely, through a haze of relief and panic, thinking that it must be some sort of benefit of the armor, something to help whoever wore it to determine what they were doing. I had never liked gloves much because of the dulling of tactile sensation through them… I didn't have to worry about that anymore, at least! Another thing about me: my mind tends to look for the positive side of things. Even if they are stupidly trivial positive things, like "At least they aren't hooves," or "I still have some fingers left." That thing about the gloves and tactile sensations? Yeah, that's more of that.
But aside from that, I was torn between the fact that I was undeniably no longer human (which made me start crying, but who wouldn't?) and that I was undeniably not a pony. Don't get me wrong, ponies are great, but I prefer bipedalism and digits capable of fine manipulation, thank you very much. I didn't see hooves building the Great Wall of China, or the Pyramids, or the Empire State Building. I didn't see hooves assembling the advanced technology of the twenty-first century. I didn't see hoofmarks on the moon… aside from the giant friggin' horsehead in the local moon, but you know what I mean. I can say with certainty that those people who wish they were actually ponies instead of people? They're nuts. Humanity for the win!
Or… you know, whatever I was. At the time I didn't know, but a thorough examination of my biology later (as thorough as someone who only got a passing grade in high school biology can do anyway) would confirm what I later found.
Well, once I stopped crying, it was nearly an hour later and I decided to explore my physiology a little bit to try to get a handle on what the heck I was now. Not like that, you sick perverts, get your heads out of the gutter. So as I was saying, I began exploring my newly muscular form with my new hands, discovering things about my new body-
Wow is that not helping.
I learned things about myself. For one, my legs were now double jointed, and ended in admittedly friggin' sweet T-Rex feet, with three pointed toes. That bump I mentioned earlier turned out to be… a tail, surprisingly. Sadly, it wasn't prehensile, just a pointed tip of flesh that extended southward from my back end right above where my buttocks were… Well, where I assumed they were, I didn't know how to take the armor off yet to check. Form fitting armor, exceedingly helpful when it comes to discovering things about biology, but pretty dumb in my opinion. Seriously, why make it easier for an opponent to get a grip on any part of your- FOCUS.
Anyway, arms seemed fairly normal, perhaps a bit thicker than what I was used to, but with limited frame of reference, no way to tell for absolute certain. I know I haven't seen a single conversion chart from English to Equuish measurement units since I got here, and this 'tool certainly doesn't have one… Arms also seem a little shorter. Range of motion a little on the more limited side of things than what I was used to, which made sense given the massive hump that I now had on my back. As for the head…
Ears were small holes closer to the neck… I think. Never did well in biology, like I said. Top portion of the head covered with a series of bony plates, goes down to the forehead. Eyes were widely placed, far wider than any species I had heard of from Equestria… or Earth, for that matter. My mouth… it was almost Joker-esque, extremely wide and full of a dazzling array of sharp teeth and flat molars. Tongue was slightly pointed, bit longer than I was used to, but a bit thinner to make up for that.
With my initial investigation done, and the moon now travelling more swiftly towards the horizon, I decided to try walking.
What actually happened should have been put up on youtube, so that my eternal shame could be spread to the entire planet. It was utterly embarrassing, to say the least. Understandable, though, given that I spent most of my life using one style of locomotion, but now had to practically relearn walking from scratch… or so I thought at the time. Given what I learned later, I know that it was aided greatly, but shortly before dawn, I was walking around as if I had been doing it with dinosaur legs my whole life! I felt pretty proud at the accomplishment, let me tell you. I was the master of this "Walking" thing! Let's see the world try to take me on now, I thought to myself. In fact, I thought, I'm gonna walk right over there! I can hear something over there with my creepy ear holes, so I'm gonna walk there!
I once read that some traits which are now undesirable for humanity, such as ADHD, were at one point very useful. Using ADHD as an example, at that age, mankind would need every advantage to survive. Having people whose attention darted from event to event quickly? Ideal for spotting predators, identifying quick things going on, other tribes hiding in the tall grasses…
Give it to someone who has anxiety issues and a tendency towards overanalysis and you really, really start to hate evolution.
Spent way too much time looking at everything with my new IMAX vision and feeling my own hands on the walk over to where I heard the river. Turns out I have a much narrower cone of depth perception, but I could see in all but a ninety degree zone directly behind me or so. More, actually, come to think of it, it's more along the lines of a solid hundred or so… But you don't care about that. What matters is that at this point, I was thirsty. So I was going toward water. Nice, refreshing water. And it was almost like something out of a painting when I got there, the river as still as glass, save a few ripples of insects landing on it. I had managed to arrive at the river not only as it reached a marshland- meaning the area was somewhat more clear of trees than it might have been otherwise- but also as dawn was breaking. And for the first time, I could truly see myself as I gazed into the reflection I cast on the surface of the water.
My armor was silver, looking like it was made from brushed steel, wrapped in tight bands. My skin was a dusky orange, and my eyes (with slit pupils), were the color of polished amber. Atop my head was a series of brown armor plates, which weren't yet fused together (though I knew they would, given the centuries of life I knew I had ahead of me if I played my cards right). For now I was reasonably certain of what I was.
I was a Krogan.
And one thought burned its way through my mind.
Oh god, this is gonna suck.
Equestria on Thirty Rounds a Day:
A Kroganized Self-Insert
Personal Log: Entry 1
As I've lived my life these many years, I've frequently had an opportunity to sit back and think without panicking. I find such an experience is enhanced with a nice glass of sweetened green tea or three, perhaps with some classical rock music playing in the background and a good fantasy novel in my lap, ready for my perusal.
Running through the Everfree Forest in a body that is not my own, hours after committing treason to Equestria, chased by Royal Guards, attempting to reconcile my own memories with those of another life, and armed with a weapon that I barely know how to use is in fact not the aforementioned set of ideal circumstances. In fact, one could go so far as to say that said scenario is practically theopposite of what I wish was happening right now.
But you know the old saying, if wishes were horses… heh.
I'll try to make these more professional. My name… gods above, I can't even remember my name… damn you, you psychotic bastard, you- ahem. My name… unknown. Age… indeterminate, but based on memories of college, I'm forced to assume post-puberty and that I was an adult of the species Homo Sapiens Sapiens. Species… I'll get back to you on that, I want to make some double checks to make sure that I'm getting this right. I'm not sure if I'm going mad or not, really hoping not… I'm recording this from a cave that I found after my retreat from the Castle of the Two Pony Sisters, utilizing what can only be described as an omnitool. Yes, an omnitool. It came with the armor… that again, I'm wearing now.
I do my best thinking out loud, so I figured, hey, I have some time… why not go over how the hell I got into this mess, might help me make sense of what's happening. What's going to happen next, as well.
Also, if anyone finds this record, it'll be useful to help them avoid my mistakes. Of which there are probably many, come to think of it.
I know that it would perhaps be best to try to use this time to seek better shelter, but quite honestly, I can't think of better shelter. The forest will keep the Pegasi from clearing the weather away, the animals and toxic plants will block attempts to gain access to the forest, and this cave keeps out the weather… Okay, I still should be moving, but I haven't eaten in a while, and the storm makes it a bad idea to leave the cave. I'm not afraid of thunder and lightning- never really understood people who were, to be honest- but I know better to walk around when you're eight feet tall and clad head to toe in metal armor in the middle of a lightning storm. And I'm one of those people who gets kind of weird when they haven't had food… well, I was one of those people who got weird when they didn't have food, I dunno what lack of food does to my biology now…
But I've delayed long enough. I really should start talking. Well, talking about the thing I'm supposed to be talking about, not the things I've been talking about, which is- I probably haven't mentioned it, but I get motor mouth when I get excited, or nervous, or… whole bunch of reasons. I just start rambling and… get off topic like I am now.
Jesus, Buddha, and Zeus, I'm in so much trouble…
So the beginning. The best place to start, unless you like starting In Media Res. Star Wars pulled it off pretty well, the original, not the pre- stop it.
Hokay. So it all started yesterday, when I woke up. A common enough occurrence, happens to all of us. But I wasn't ready for it yet, so without even opening my eyes, I pulled the covers back up a little tighter, smiled, and let myself drift back into the land of dreams. There was but three major problems. First off, when I tried tightening my hands around my blanket, they clutched at nothing. Second problem, when I tried tightening my hands around my blanket, I couldn't feel my pinky or ring fingers. Third problem, when I smiled… there was something wrong with my mouth.
My eyes snapped open and I tried to roll upright, but all that succeeded in doing was putting me flat on my back, where I have no choice but to look straight up… where I can see the face of the moon… and the measure of how screwed I was at the moment, because instead of the comforting blotches of the Sea of Tranquility or Sea of Storms, I was treated to a view of a patchy unicorn's head silhouetted against the rocky orb's face.
Oh thank you god, I thought, It's only a dream. I'm going to wake up soon, and I won't be dreaming that I'm staring at Equestria's moon. See? My vision isn't even right. Feels like I have panoramic vision… Alright, pretty clever, dream, making it look so real, but all I need to do is bite my tongue and all this goes away. Because it's not real.
And with that, I proceeded to bite my own tongue hard.
For future reference, this is a very stupid thing to do. Don't do it. Because it really, really, really hurts.
"FUCK!" I screamed, slapping my hands over my mouth, having just learned the reason of why biting one's tongue is a bad idea.
It was then that I began to truly panic, as now I was at least sixty percent sure that this wasn't a dream. If that was the case, and that I was actually awake, feelings of horror filled my whole body… which I could now tell wasn't the same shape that it was the day before. My legs felt strange, my body had a strange lump near the bottom of the torso, my eyes were weird, and my hands- I'm not gonna lie. For a moment, I was pleading to every deity that I had ever heard of, real or fictional, dead or alive, that I still had my hands. The God-Emperor, Athame, Lolth, Thor, Shiva, Jesus… all were sent prayers… and I will give them credit, if any of them did interfere. I did indeed still have hands.
They just weren't my hands.
Where I once had five pink sausages emerging from a paw-like palm, now stood two fingers and one thumb per hand. All were wrapped in some sort of black mesh and plates of armor, but I could feel through them as though they weren't even there. I remember vaguely, through a haze of relief and panic, thinking that it must be some sort of benefit of the armor, something to help whoever wore it to determine what they were doing. I had never liked gloves much because of the dulling of tactile sensation through them… I didn't have to worry about that anymore, at least! Another thing about me: my mind tends to look for the positive side of things. Even if they are stupidly trivial positive things, like "At least they aren't hooves," or "I still have some fingers left." That thing about the gloves and tactile sensations? Yeah, that's more of that.
But aside from that, I was torn between the fact that I was undeniably no longer human (which made me start crying, but who wouldn't?) and that I was undeniably not a pony. Don't get me wrong, ponies are great, but I prefer bipedalism and digits capable of fine manipulation, thank you very much. I didn't see hooves building the Great Wall of China, or the Pyramids, or the Empire State Building. I didn't see hooves assembling the advanced technology of the twenty-first century. I didn't see hoofmarks on the moon… aside from the giant friggin' horsehead in the local moon, but you know what I mean. I can say with certainty that those people who wish they were actually ponies instead of people? They're nuts. Humanity for the win!
Or… you know, whatever I was. At the time I didn't know, but a thorough examination of my biology later (as thorough as someone who only got a passing grade in high school biology can do anyway) would confirm what I later found.
Well, once I stopped crying, it was nearly an hour later and I decided to explore my physiology a little bit to try to get a handle on what the heck I was now. Not like that, you sick perverts, get your heads out of the gutter. So as I was saying, I began exploring my newly muscular form with my new hands, discovering things about my new body-
Wow is that not helping.
I learned things about myself. For one, my legs were now double jointed, and ended in admittedly friggin' sweet T-Rex feet, with three pointed toes. That bump I mentioned earlier turned out to be… a tail, surprisingly. Sadly, it wasn't prehensile, just a pointed tip of flesh that extended southward from my back end right above where my buttocks were… Well, where I assumed they were, I didn't know how to take the armor off yet to check. Form fitting armor, exceedingly helpful when it comes to discovering things about biology, but pretty dumb in my opinion. Seriously, why make it easier for an opponent to get a grip on any part of your- FOCUS.
Anyway, arms seemed fairly normal, perhaps a bit thicker than what I was used to, but with limited frame of reference, no way to tell for absolute certain. I know I haven't seen a single conversion chart from English to Equuish measurement units since I got here, and this 'tool certainly doesn't have one… Arms also seem a little shorter. Range of motion a little on the more limited side of things than what I was used to, which made sense given the massive hump that I now had on my back. As for the head…
Ears were small holes closer to the neck… I think. Never did well in biology, like I said. Top portion of the head covered with a series of bony plates, goes down to the forehead. Eyes were widely placed, far wider than any species I had heard of from Equestria… or Earth, for that matter. My mouth… it was almost Joker-esque, extremely wide and full of a dazzling array of sharp teeth and flat molars. Tongue was slightly pointed, bit longer than I was used to, but a bit thinner to make up for that.
With my initial investigation done, and the moon now travelling more swiftly towards the horizon, I decided to try walking.
What actually happened should have been put up on youtube, so that my eternal shame could be spread to the entire planet. It was utterly embarrassing, to say the least. Understandable, though, given that I spent most of my life using one style of locomotion, but now had to practically relearn walking from scratch… or so I thought at the time. Given what I learned later, I know that it was aided greatly, but shortly before dawn, I was walking around as if I had been doing it with dinosaur legs my whole life! I felt pretty proud at the accomplishment, let me tell you. I was the master of this "Walking" thing! Let's see the world try to take me on now, I thought to myself. In fact, I thought, I'm gonna walk right over there! I can hear something over there with my creepy ear holes, so I'm gonna walk there!
I once read that some traits which are now undesirable for humanity, such as ADHD, were at one point very useful. Using ADHD as an example, at that age, mankind would need every advantage to survive. Having people whose attention darted from event to event quickly? Ideal for spotting predators, identifying quick things going on, other tribes hiding in the tall grasses…
Give it to someone who has anxiety issues and a tendency towards overanalysis and you really, really start to hate evolution.
Spent way too much time looking at everything with my new IMAX vision and feeling my own hands on the walk over to where I heard the river. Turns out I have a much narrower cone of depth perception, but I could see in all but a ninety degree zone directly behind me or so. More, actually, come to think of it, it's more along the lines of a solid hundred or so… But you don't care about that. What matters is that at this point, I was thirsty. So I was going toward water. Nice, refreshing water. And it was almost like something out of a painting when I got there, the river as still as glass, save a few ripples of insects landing on it. I had managed to arrive at the river not only as it reached a marshland- meaning the area was somewhat more clear of trees than it might have been otherwise- but also as dawn was breaking. And for the first time, I could truly see myself as I gazed into the reflection I cast on the surface of the water.
My armor was silver, looking like it was made from brushed steel, wrapped in tight bands. My skin was a dusky orange, and my eyes (with slit pupils), were the color of polished amber. Atop my head was a series of brown armor plates, which weren't yet fused together (though I knew they would, given the centuries of life I knew I had ahead of me if I played my cards right). For now I was reasonably certain of what I was.
I was a Krogan.
And one thought burned its way through my mind.
Oh god, this is gonna suck.
I can already tell you're going to need that durability, think of how often regenerators get hurt.
Now realize you are one.
This is indeed going to suck.
*watched*
Now realize you are one.
This is indeed going to suck.
*watched*
Last edited:
Sithking Zero
High Priest of the First Church of The Deputy
- Location
- Here
Well, the point of this exercise is to deconstruct several common fan SI tropes present in the MLP fanfiction community. "SI is immediatly welcomed?" Here I'm a bipedal dinosaur. "SI is some sort of species that is familiar to the Equestrians?" I'm a Krogan. "SI falls in love with the Mane Six?" Yeah, not happening. There are other little avoidances of cliche, but they haven't appeared yet.
The bolded bit might be less of an obstacle than you think. I mean, look at Spike.
You poor bastard, stuck as a Krogan with no Maws to fight.
Looks like you'll just have to make do and wrestle a dragon when you hit puberty.
Looks like you'll just have to make do and wrestle a dragon when you hit puberty.
Sithking Zero
High Priest of the First Church of The Deputy
- Location
- Here
Oh darn, Poor Krogan with no Thresher maws. All there are to fight are stupid Ursas, Dragons, Hydras, Cave Eels, Alicorns, Griffins, Chaos Gods, Sea Serpents, and Manticores.
HOW WILL I SURVIVE?!?
... That was an honest question, because I don't know. All of those things are terrifying.
By paying attention to Grunt's seminar on krogan survival techniques. His battlecry is something of a hint...
