Chapter 639: Post Praxis Prandial
"Is it just me or is he weird?" Ino asked, nibbling on one of the chilled and syruped pears that were the dessert of a dinner that required letting one's belt out with a happy sigh. Given that she was lounging against his chest, Hazō spared a thought towards hoping she didn't drip sugar syrup on his nice shirt. Then he dismissed the concern and went back to absently carding his fingers through her long hair.
"I learned sealing from Kagome-sensei and I'm currently instructing Orochimaru," he said. "My standards for weird might be a little skewed."
She tipped her head back so that she could see him, allowing her to accurately poke him in the shoulder. Her wicked smile turned into outrage when he swiped a finger across her pear and booped her on the nose with it in vengeance for the poke. Her eyes crossed, trying to see the gloop he had left behind, but then she gave it up for a bad job and scrubbed it off with the back of her hand and wagged a finger at him. He grinned unrepentantly.
"Okay, but he spent the whole lesson talking about slightly intenser forms of Academy-level exercises, interspersed with talking about all the horrible things that can happen if you make a mistake during research...that's weird, right? And the outcomes..." She shuddered.
Hazō snorted. "Oh, please. Having your perception of color inverted? Loss of control over one's chakra so that you boost at random times and not when you want? Self-immolating? Technique hackers are
adorable."
"Hey, self-immolating sounds pretty bad to me!"
"Once again: oh, please. Where are the portals to dimensions made of blades and madness? Where are the sapient broccoli that sprout from your face, crab-like pincers slowly getting closer to your eye every time you repress a thought? Where is the 'every member of your bloodline explodes'? Could I at least get a little 'every trace of you and everything you have ever touched is redacted from reality, all memories being wiped and almost all written references becoming blank except for a word or two here and there that serves as a cautionary tale causing other sealmasters to wonder if they ever met you, collaborated with you, had your children,
were your children...'?"
"You know you're kinda messed up, right?" she asked, still leaning back to look at him so that they were mutually upside-down. "I mean, seriously. You are a bright spot in my existence, you make me happy, my world is better for having you in it and I would be sad if you were not, but yow. Dark."
"Bah." He waved dismissively. "I'm realistic, that's all. Once you've learned to appreciate that the universe is merely a flat and cracked layer of paint barely covering primal insanity, bursting into flames just doesn't really rate."
"Hmph." She went back to a more comfortable position and bonked him with an affectionate headbonk. Hazō chuckled and resumed stroking her hair.
"I do approve of his priorities in mentioning those things up front, though," he said after a moment. "Should have spent more time on it, but at least he mentioned it. Good to let new students know the risks first, before they get in too deep. If he had any brains we'd spend the next week doing nothing but memorizing safety protocols and stories of past jutsu fractures, plus being tested to make sure we remember all the details of each one. Gotta make sure that students have really absorbed the warnings before you start giving them information they could misuse or screw up. Very important that they have images of their digestive tracts being reversed or interdimensional horrors slowly eating lines across their bodies over the course of months before they touch anything chakra-related."
"I don't like this game. Can we play something else?"
"Hmmm," Hazō hmmmed thoughtfully, apparently 'not noticing' her request to change the subject. "Actually, you're right. He's not going to be telling us about things like that. When he tells horror stories it will probably be about how only one of the hacker's shirtsleeves got half an inch shorter and the color became very slightly more green, or how a soft beam of sunlight followed them everywhere for a week, or the room became just slightly cooler than comfortable, but not quite cold enough that it was worth getting up to get a sweater."
"You really are a snob. You know that, right?"
He chuckled again. "Fine. Changing topics, changing topics...um... Oh, have your people been hit with that cough? It's going around the Gōketsu estate something fierce."
She tipped her head back again and glared at him. "In addition to being a snob, you are terrible at verbal canoodling."
"Verbal canoodling?"
"It means—"
"I know what it means. Mari always said that she and Jiraiya were going to their room to canoodle when she meant they were going to have loud sex."
Ino's porcelain skin flushed deep pink. "That is not what I meant!" she yelped. She took a deep breath and looked grumpily up at him. "First, that's not what anyone normal means when they use the word 'canoodling'. In this case, what I meant was romantic talking. Nothing heavy, just sharing thoughts and feelings and connecting."
"Ohhhh." He nodded soberly. "Right, got it. Okay, start over."
She waited expectantly.
"You're supposed to say 'is it just me or is he weird'," Hazō stage-whispered.
Ino snorted and rolled her eyes. "Fine. Hey, is it just me or is he weird?"
"I know, right?" Hazō replied. "So weird. Who spends that much time telling 'horror' stories?"
"Still snobby."
"Drat! Okay, one more time. Start over."
She sighed dramatically. "F
ine. 'Hey, is it just me or is he weird?'"
"So weird!" Hazō agreed, nodding fervently. "All those horror stories without telling us nearly enough about jutsu hacking. And he didn't even mention your new shirt once! That is new, right? I don't think I've seen it before. Did it come from that little boutique downtown?"
Ino burst out laughing. "You have no idea what boutiques exist in this town."
"I might. I have depths."
"Name one boutique in Leaf."
"Ah, but if I give in to your implied extortion then you'll just do it again in the future. Plus, I would ruin the air of mystery I am cultivating—right now you aren't completely certain how much I do or don't know and that makes me intriguing and exciting. If I answer your question then I'll be boring and predictable and no fun. You might fall out of love with me, and that would destroy me utterly since without you in my life I would be miserable."
"Deflection from the question, light humor, and shifting into your positive feelings towards me in order to create bonding. Did Mari teach you that line as a way to get out of not admitting you don't know something?"
"I have no idea what you mean." That was exactly what had happened, but Mari had also taught him not to break cover even when he was clearly busted.
"Yes, the shirt is new, and thank you for noticing," Ino said, letting him off the hook with a smile. "You may have a kiss as a reward." She pursed her lips, tipping her head up without lifting it from his chest.
A lifetime of flexibility training to enable his taijutsu had rendered Hazō far more bendy than most civilians would imagine possible. Still, there were limits to everything and this was beyond them. Unable to bend fully in half, he rolled out from under Ino, cradling her head in the crook of his arm so she didn't flop uncomfortably as he slid down and claimed his reward.
By the time they separated, both of them were breathing a little heavily. Ino cleared her throat and shifted back slightly, putting an inch or two more space betwixt herself and temptations of impropriety. She captured his hand in her left hand and leaned her head on her right.
"You're a pretty good kisser there, bucko," she said, stroking the back of his hand with her thumb. "Almost like you've had a lot of practice. Tell me the truth—how many damsels' hearts have you captured before mine?"
"One," Hazō said, looking her in the eyes. "Akane and you. The only two women I've ever kissed like that. The only two women I've ever felt this way about."
Ino blinked quickly, then let go of his hand so she could wipe her eyes. "No fair! I was trying to be silly and lighthearted, but you went and got all intense and romantic on me." She cuddled in close, tucking her head under his chin and wrapping her arms around his chest so she could squeeze tight.
Hazō chuckled and stroked her back as the two of them lay side by side in the candlelight, the slow rhythms of their breath falling into a single soft susurration that made the world seem calm and quiet and peaceful.
Author's Note: Not feeling it today. This was intended to be an interlude originally but it fits nicely with the previous chapter and it's fun. (For me, anyway. Hopefully y'all enjoy too.)
Voting remains closed unless
@Paperclipped or
@Velorien opens it. By default the
currently-voted plan will be written for Thursday.
