Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest
- Thread starter eaglejarl
- Start date
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- Tags
- naruto rationalist romance armageddon is looking better and better damn you kishimoto explosions everywhere explosives solve everyone if in doubt surrender to the mercy of zabuza it seemed like a good idea at the time looks like a really bad case of being a jōnin my god. where does the lore end? precommitting is the winning plan screaming in kagome screw the rules i have explosives something bad might still happen sometimes you gotta sociopath stabby zabby subsection c of paragraph 9 should include we can weaponize this so hard open voting
- Location
- Italy
Then there is a very [ERROR]ood chance everyone aside from Leaf dies or we do, whichever comes fist. EM Nuke is possibility of takin[ERROR] his reven[ERROR]e of Rock, the Akatsuki, all the other villa[ERROR]es and makin[ERROR] Leaf secure and without far, forever. I won't say that Asuma will [ERROR]o for it 100%...but there is a reason Ami explicitly told us to not [ERROR]ive Asuma a nuke.
Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
I looked over these since I'm in the process of sleep, and therefore must procrastinate.
I have both questions and evaluations to hand out.
In order, to start with the first, Fire Element: Sundance. Wow. By far the most complicated, and it fascinates in its complexity. It looks quite powerful. Worth levels on Akane, almost assuredly. No complaints here, for sure. Definitely a solid ambush technique, and I can already envision ways to make it work as such, but beyond that, it's an excellent technique to use with Shadow Clones. Once it's at a decent level, it no-sells other Fire techniques, and benefits from this. Solid addition to our arsenal.
Vortex Described by Some As Burny: I do like this one, however it only reiterates Akane's need for another jutsu that renders her resistant to fire in itself. The fact that it's a mild buff to taijutsu and functions as an attack on round one is especially solid. This one has my mark of approval, especially if we find her some fire resistance. Query: While active, does it burn stuff flush to the user's body, outside of the breaks painfully effect? IE: Can you use seals with it?
Flame Wall: Whew. Never a bad option to have on hand. Zones left split, rolls at +AB, what's not to love? Question here, however: Does the flame wall block substitutions or interact in any particular way with the technique? What about in overlap with Wind Wall, that pull any weirdness? As the others, solid choice overall. Excellent spread for Akane here, as she moves forward in her career.
Onto the other elements.
The Bloody Rivery Impaly doohickey: Wowzers. This is the kinda tech your mom warned you about. Ironically, this makes it less suitable for Hazou... but that's not because it's not a stellar technique; it is. (No, that's because the pansy has these pesky "morals" about him. Tsk.) Truly a stupendous amount of environmental destruction this one has, and with Borders, it's always a fun way to fuck with people.
Now here's one that handed me trouble on a silver platter at first. This dame, the vacuum ball that walked into my office that day, she seemed like she had a hole in her. And she did, in her center. But then it hit me: Surely, I thinked to myself, there could be sumin to fill her. And then it hit me: a pinniped, in the head. Died on the spot. ...ahem. Noir aside, didn't think much of this one at first. Sure, it's cheap, and halves armor... but ain't a lot else to it, you know? No pizazz, to recommend it over Kei's current shtick. But... question here: Could you form the jutsu around a bunch of seals, held suspended in the vacuumy center? That I could see to be pretty damn cool. (Not that kunai don't do that already... but we can probably work that out somehow)
Last one!
This one's for our boy Noburi. Looks pretty solid. Attack and movement (forced and otherwise) in one. Just an all around solid jutsu, in this one's opinion. Filled with delicious questions, however. Such as: Do you need someone to hit with this, or can you cast it in a direction? Additionally, can you jump off midway, if you've, for instance, cast it off a cliff but want to ride to the side and look cool and/or double tap them? As an aside, I do find it a little odd that the user and allies make the same roll as enemies, because it disincentivizes you to increase it past a certain point if you want to use it for mobility; to move Effect zones, but lose the number of zones moved by number of shifts leaves it in this odd dynamic.
- Location
- The Void
- Pronouns
- She/Her
This secret literally can not spread at all safely. If it appears likely that it will then we should consider that we should just leave Leaf. We aren't as powerful as we need to be to force leaf to back down. If we vanish we buy time to become powerful enough to protect the secret in a year or so
Asuma Quest: Turn 63
ASUMA QUEST
Turn 63
Repair the Ninja Records
(Bureaucracy 24 + Shikamaru 5 - FD 6 = 23 vs DC 30)
Unfortunately, to discover which of your chunin are still alive has turned out more complicated than to do so for your jonin. Shikamaru continues to work at the problem, but you've noticed the dark circles under his eyes have expanded each time you've spoken to him lately.
His caffeine consumption has also started to worry you.
Results: DC is lowered to 25 next turn. Shikamaru has sustained a minor mental consequence, which will not heal until he is placed on a different national action.
Purchase Food From Kusa
(Influence 51 + Chouza 7 + FD 9 = 67 vs DC 45)
Chouza's trip to Kusa has been a welcome success. Kusa will ship sufficient wheat over the winter to account for the consequences of the bank run, and they only demand a moderately ridiculous price for it.
Result: Food crisis averted, -4 Wealth to be applied at the start of next turn.
Infiltrate Rock's Crypto Division
(Tradecraft 60 + Anko 7 + FD 0 = 67 vs DC 70)
Your operative barely made it out alive.
While you didn't successfully take any of the information you were after, you do now have a better and more up to date image of the layout of Hidden Rock, and in which offices their crypto teams are stationed.
Result: You're pretty sure Rock can't prove you were behind the attempt to steal their codes.
Keep Noburi Inside Leaf
(Loyalty 45 + Asuma 6 - FD 12 = 39 vs DC 30)
Hazou dropped by to politely ask when Noburi would be available to leave the safety of the walls. He accepted your barely veiled "not yet" as an answer, but you can tell he was disappointed, and you know that his brother will be too. You're not sure if your order for the ex-Wakahisa to take a student team will keep him busy with in-Leaf D-ranks for as much time as you need, and are once more reminded that it will ensure he eventually leaves to take the kids on C-ranks.
Result: Noburi remains in Leaf. For now.
Exterminate Chakra Beasts
(Military 33 + Kurenai 5 + FD 3 = 41 vs DC 25)
The extermination missions went as planned. You now have a vast swathe in western fire that is free of the more deadly species that roam the land.
Result: -1 to The Encroach of the End.
Make Hazou Unpopular
(Reputation 55 + Naruto 6 - FD 12 = 49 vs DC 50)
Mari is onto you. You're sure of it.
You can't allow that clan to keep up this snowball effect of their power, or they'll be fireshadows in all but name by the end of next year. Ritsuo makes such a useful pawn, but you've started to think that maybe you played this too cleverly. Useful he may be, but subtle Ritsuo is not, and you've taken the impression that The Heartbreaker is now on the hunt for other suspects.
Result: Mari doesn't buy it. You think you still have a decent chance at the deflection of blame.
Sell Firewood
(Wealth 57 + Isobe 6 - 12 FD = 51 vs DC 20)
Winter will be here soon, and you've authorised the sale of some extra wood surplus to the population. It's not an enormous profit, especially since the last few winters have been very mild and people don't expect to need it, but it's put a small dent in the food expense.
Result: +1 Wealth to by applied at the start of next turn.
Prevent the Dracocolypse
(Innovation 49 + Hazou 7 - FD 9 = 47 vs TN 50, 26/150)
Aburame and Hinata's elder squabble over the nice-looking inkstones.
…just like they did last week.
Result: No advancement made.
Spend Time With Konohamaru
(Personal Action = 7)
You make time in your schedule to play with your nephew, only to, to your confusion, find him dyeing his hair red and putting on makeup. He enthusiastically explains that he's preparing to meet his new sensei, who'll be the best sensei ever, and teach him how to make people have heart attacks via sex!
A pit forms in your stomach as you realise who you accidentally ordered to be his sensei.
Enemy Action
(??)
All appears quiet. Do not let your wariness waver.
Disaster
(13)
A new type of A-rank chakra beast was discovered in southern fire. It's a species of antelope that can turn invisible, and climb inside people's bodies via their mouths in order to use them like a suit of armour. Orochimaru is in a cheerful mood.
Ami Wackiness
(9)
Several lawn ornaments have disappeared from every clan's estate. No-one saw who did it.
Hazou Wackiness
(100)
[QM NOTE: Another one?! Holy Hestia. We need time to discuss how this will play out. Rest of the update is delayed until tomorrow.
— ParrotKing]
Turn 63
Repair the Ninja Records
(Bureaucracy 24 + Shikamaru 5 - FD 6 = 23 vs DC 30)
Unfortunately, to discover which of your chunin are still alive has turned out more complicated than to do so for your jonin. Shikamaru continues to work at the problem, but you've noticed the dark circles under his eyes have expanded each time you've spoken to him lately.
His caffeine consumption has also started to worry you.
Results: DC is lowered to 25 next turn. Shikamaru has sustained a minor mental consequence, which will not heal until he is placed on a different national action.
Purchase Food From Kusa
(Influence 51 + Chouza 7 + FD 9 = 67 vs DC 45)
Chouza's trip to Kusa has been a welcome success. Kusa will ship sufficient wheat over the winter to account for the consequences of the bank run, and they only demand a moderately ridiculous price for it.
Result: Food crisis averted, -4 Wealth to be applied at the start of next turn.
Infiltrate Rock's Crypto Division
(Tradecraft 60 + Anko 7 + FD 0 = 67 vs DC 70)
Your operative barely made it out alive.
While you didn't successfully take any of the information you were after, you do now have a better and more up to date image of the layout of Hidden Rock, and in which offices their crypto teams are stationed.
Result: You're pretty sure Rock can't prove you were behind the attempt to steal their codes.
Keep Noburi Inside Leaf
(Loyalty 45 + Asuma 6 - FD 12 = 39 vs DC 30)
Hazou dropped by to politely ask when Noburi would be available to leave the safety of the walls. He accepted your barely veiled "not yet" as an answer, but you can tell he was disappointed, and you know that his brother will be too. You're not sure if your order for the ex-Wakahisa to take a student team will keep him busy with in-Leaf D-ranks for as much time as you need, and are once more reminded that it will ensure he eventually leaves to take the kids on C-ranks.
Result: Noburi remains in Leaf. For now.
Exterminate Chakra Beasts
(Military 33 + Kurenai 5 + FD 3 = 41 vs DC 25)
The extermination missions went as planned. You now have a vast swathe in western fire that is free of the more deadly species that roam the land.
Result: -1 to The Encroach of the End.
Make Hazou Unpopular
(Reputation 55 + Naruto 6 - FD 12 = 49 vs DC 50)
Mari is onto you. You're sure of it.
You can't allow that clan to keep up this snowball effect of their power, or they'll be fireshadows in all but name by the end of next year. Ritsuo makes such a useful pawn, but you've started to think that maybe you played this too cleverly. Useful he may be, but subtle Ritsuo is not, and you've taken the impression that The Heartbreaker is now on the hunt for other suspects.
Result: Mari doesn't buy it. You think you still have a decent chance at the deflection of blame.
Sell Firewood
(Wealth 57 + Isobe 6 - 12 FD = 51 vs DC 20)
Winter will be here soon, and you've authorised the sale of some extra wood surplus to the population. It's not an enormous profit, especially since the last few winters have been very mild and people don't expect to need it, but it's put a small dent in the food expense.
Result: +1 Wealth to by applied at the start of next turn.
Prevent the Dracocolypse
(Innovation 49 + Hazou 7 - FD 9 = 47 vs TN 50, 26/150)
Aburame and Hinata's elder squabble over the nice-looking inkstones.
…just like they did last week.
Result: No advancement made.
Spend Time With Konohamaru
(Personal Action = 7)
You make time in your schedule to play with your nephew, only to, to your confusion, find him dyeing his hair red and putting on makeup. He enthusiastically explains that he's preparing to meet his new sensei, who'll be the best sensei ever, and teach him how to make people have heart attacks via sex!
A pit forms in your stomach as you realise who you accidentally ordered to be his sensei.
Enemy Action
(??)
All appears quiet. Do not let your wariness waver.
Disaster
(13)
A new type of A-rank chakra beast was discovered in southern fire. It's a species of antelope that can turn invisible, and climb inside people's bodies via their mouths in order to use them like a suit of armour. Orochimaru is in a cheerful mood.
Ami Wackiness
(9)
Several lawn ornaments have disappeared from every clan's estate. No-one saw who did it.
Hazou Wackiness
(100)
[QM NOTE: Another one?! Holy Hestia. We need time to discuss how this will play out. Rest of the update is delayed until tomorrow.
— ParrotKing]
- Pronouns
- She/Her/They/Them
Was that before or after AMITY? I don't remember that, sorry
The time at which she said it may make a lot of difference. After all, to have a nuke, while irrational and extremely vindictive, in the middle of a war... and to have a nuke when you're not at war and don't want war, are really not alike. You want the second one so war does not happen, at least nominally. You don't want to use it and start shit, or everyone scrambles to end you first. And by "everyone" I also mean some of your own S-rank ninja who don't want war either. Try to sell mutually-assured destruction to Tsunade, see how many walls your skull pierces.
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
I wouldn't normally do this but I also don't normally post part of an update either, so I don't want people thinking that the final result was done based off player discussion:
The plan for this update was always to have the following scenes:
1. Hazō plays with Earthshaping
2. Slice of life
3. EM nuke
4. Clan Council meeting where Asuma et al are freaking out and Asuma has suspicions directed at Hazō because Hazō is known (a) to be working on Minato's seals and (b) to have a reputation for thinking up WMDs. See below.
And yes, I broke the zero G rules, but I literally just now woke up so that I could work on the update and my brain is too muzzy for fixes.
Oh, and yes, you can have talked to Mari.
EDIT: @Paperclipped has convinced me to make a change. Instead of the originally intended scene #4, you'll get this (his suggested phrasing): When Hazou and Akane get back to the village (while the EM-storm is still blowing), they quickly hear that all of Leaf is on high-alert. Scouts have been sent out to confirm the strange effect. After initial reports, Naruto and a handful of jounin (including Mari) were sent out to intercept any invasion force/respond to any threats/gather more information. Hazou assumes that a Clan Council meeting will be called very shortly.
The plan for this update was always to have the following scenes:
1. Hazō plays with Earthshaping
2. Slice of life
3. EM nuke
And yes, I broke the zero G rules, but I literally just now woke up so that I could work on the update and my brain is too muzzy for fixes.
EDIT: @Paperclipped has convinced me to make a change. Instead of the originally intended scene #4, you'll get this (his suggested phrasing): When Hazou and Akane get back to the village (while the EM-storm is still blowing), they quickly hear that all of Leaf is on high-alert. Scouts have been sent out to confirm the strange effect. After initial reports, Naruto and a handful of jounin (including Mari) were sent out to intercept any invasion force/respond to any threats/gather more information. Hazou assumes that a Clan Council meeting will be called very shortly.
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- Pronouns
- She/Her/They/Them
(Since it's a QM post, aren't the laws of universal attraction enforceable anyway?)
- Location
- Italy
Just after.
But Asuma, and ninja in [REDACTED]eneral, lose 80+% of all their friends, student, comrades, rivals, people they can't stand,ect to other ninja villa[REDACTED]es. You know the people that lose a family member and develop and burnin[REDACTED] hatred for the people responsibles? Ima[REDACTED]ine that, only you lost and keep losin[REDACTED] everyone, a[REDACTED]ain and a[REDACTED]ain and a[REDACTED]ain.
EM is a button he can press and make everythin[REDACTED] stop, at the cost of the bad people that killed so many of his friends.
There is a reason these people have killed each other so many times
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
My previous post has been amended as follows:
EDIT: @Paperclipped has convinced me to make a change. Instead of the originally intended scene #4 (the Clan Council meeting), you'll get this (his suggested phrasing): When Hazou and Akane get back to the village (while the EM-storm is still blowing), they quickly hear that all of Leaf is on high-alert. Scouts have been sent out to confirm the strange effect. After initial reports, Naruto and a handful of jounin (including Mari) were sent out to intercept any invasion force/respond to any threats/gather more information. Hazou assumes that a Clan Council meeting will be called very shortly.
EDIT: @Paperclipped has convinced me to make a change. Instead of the originally intended scene #4 (the Clan Council meeting), you'll get this (his suggested phrasing): When Hazou and Akane get back to the village (while the EM-storm is still blowing), they quickly hear that all of Leaf is on high-alert. Scouts have been sent out to confirm the strange effect. After initial reports, Naruto and a handful of jounin (including Mari) were sent out to intercept any invasion force/respond to any threats/gather more information. Hazou assumes that a Clan Council meeting will be called very shortly.
redzonejoe
Vaguely Pastafarian
- Location
- Canada
well fuck there went plan A.
plan B: SHIKMARUUUUUUUUU HELP US NOT BLOW UP THE WORLD!!!!!!
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
In the spot just below and between the R and the E in "FIRE" on the map.
- Location
- USA
Hazō collapses on the skytower, hands wrapped around his head. "Sweet Jashin, have mercy..." he mutters.
"What." says Akane.
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For what it's worth, I used ctrl-f.
A few comments:
Concealin7 this from Asuma = the entirety of Leaf intelli7ence apparatus tryin7 to fi7ure out what happened.
Revealin7 this to Asuma = the entirety of Leaf intelli7ence apparatus tryin7 to conceal what happened.
Playin7 clever bu77er 7ames with Asuma about Clan Secrets:
- Annoys Asuma somethin7 7reatly.
- Will not prevent him from learnin7 that Akane is responsible and that she can duplicate it (The bar on - Investi7atin7 Clan Secrets is 7oin7 to be treated as a bare minimum, since you know, nuke and annoyed Asuma. And the bare minimum is 'how was this done' not 'who did it and will they do it a7ain' or so Asuma will ar7ue to himself.)
- Will hinder the efforts of Leaf intelli7ence to hide what was done, since if they understand what they are hidin7 they can put in a multi-level, "We didn't do it! Okay we did, but it was a sealin7 failure! Okay, it wasn't a sealin7 failure, but it was Secret Lore left behind by Jiraiya we didn't fully understand." ANYTHIN7 but "This is a jutsu known by another villa7e that's trivial to duplicate if you put in the effort to 7et 7ud."
Remember the advice to Hazou by Shikako when he brou7ht in Skywalkers? If you brin7 in a method of revolutionizin7 warfare, you should also brin7 in methods to counteract and defend a7ainst that revolution. (SEE ABOVE ABOUT JUTSU OTHER VILLA7ES KNOW.)
This letter switchin7 business is actively annoyin7 and not fun and almost discoura7ed me from postin7, but it seemed important. I bet it's stoppin7 other very occasional posters from postin7. DO NOT recommend repeatin7 the experiment. It is bad.
Concealin7 this from Asuma = the entirety of Leaf intelli7ence apparatus tryin7 to fi7ure out what happened.
Revealin7 this to Asuma = the entirety of Leaf intelli7ence apparatus tryin7 to conceal what happened.
Playin7 clever bu77er 7ames with Asuma about Clan Secrets:
- Annoys Asuma somethin7 7reatly.
- Will not prevent him from learnin7 that Akane is responsible and that she can duplicate it (The bar on - Investi7atin7 Clan Secrets is 7oin7 to be treated as a bare minimum, since you know, nuke and annoyed Asuma. And the bare minimum is 'how was this done' not 'who did it and will they do it a7ain' or so Asuma will ar7ue to himself.)
- Will hinder the efforts of Leaf intelli7ence to hide what was done, since if they understand what they are hidin7 they can put in a multi-level, "We didn't do it! Okay we did, but it was a sealin7 failure! Okay, it wasn't a sealin7 failure, but it was Secret Lore left behind by Jiraiya we didn't fully understand." ANYTHIN7 but "This is a jutsu known by another villa7e that's trivial to duplicate if you put in the effort to 7et 7ud."
Remember the advice to Hazou by Shikako when he brou7ht in Skywalkers? If you brin7 in a method of revolutionizin7 warfare, you should also brin7 in methods to counteract and defend a7ainst that revolution. (SEE ABOVE ABOUT JUTSU OTHER VILLA7ES KNOW.)
This letter switchin7 business is actively annoyin7 and not fun and almost discoura7ed me from postin7, but it seemed important. I bet it's stoppin7 other very occasional posters from postin7. DO NOT recommend repeatin7 the experiment. It is bad.
- Location
- Somewhere
akane stop slaukillin civilians challentask (asuma + hivemind difficulty)
It's cool that we can do this, but I don't think Akane will ever want to even try it one more time. Don't think she's willin' to teach this jutsu to anyone else, considerin' the consequences. They outmatch her trustin' personality.
It's cool that we can do this, but I don't think Akane will ever want to even try it one more time. Don't think she's willin' to teach this jutsu to anyone else, considerin' the consequences. They outmatch her trustin' personality.
- Location
- Somewhere over the rainbow
sir at this point the blast radius encompasses the entire space between R and E and a decent chunk of those letters
- Location
- USA
Threadmarked. This is incredible, both as an eerily accurate look behind a screen I'm fairly sure you shouldn't be able to see behind, a description of how the institution-level simulation works, and a hilarious way to understand how this looks like to the rest of Leaf. +3 XP to a PC of your choice, chosen by 1d4 if you don't pick in 24 hours.
redzonejoe
Vaguely Pastafarian
- Location
- Canada
Its always Nobby. Poor Hazo, xp only travels in one direction for him now.
- Location
- Somewhere
ParrotKin* shouldn't count towards the XP penalty, it's the username of the alternate universe QM!
- Location
- USA
Added. You know, this whole infusion failure might just be a really inefficient way to pipe XP from Hazou to Noburi.
By the way, just because I am recommendin7 tellin7 Asuma does not necessarily mean I am recommendin7 tellin7 anyone BUT Asuma. Whatever plan 7ets voted on, I would like to see Hazou 7o ask for an ears-only briefin7 to Asuma and no one else before the clan council meetin7. (Other than the shadow clone holdin7 a knife to Hazou's throat and the ANBU hidin7 behind the curtain.)
Don't worry, as soon as Hazou asks for a meetin7 the sick feelin7 in the pit of his stomach will cause him to accept.
Don't worry, as soon as Hazou asks for a meetin7 the sick feelin7 in the pit of his stomach will cause him to accept.