- Location
- Brisbane
yeah, you got me
-
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Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest
- Thread starter eaglejarl
- Start date
-
- Tags
- naruto rationalist romance armageddon is looking better and better damn you kishimoto explosions everywhere explosives solve everyone if in doubt surrender to the mercy of zabuza it seemed like a good idea at the time looks like a really bad case of being a jōnin my god. where does the lore end? precommitting is the winning plan screaming in kagome screw the rules i have explosives something bad might still happen sometimes you gotta sociopath stabby zabby subsection c of paragraph 9 should include we can weaponize this so hard
- Location
- Actually pretty lost
God damn it, I literally said "Oh no" out loud and was really worried when you said he wouldn't be available until "medical technology improved substantially." I didn't clock it until here!
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- Pronouns
- He/Him
Neither Shikamaru nor Kei seem to know much more than we do, so I doubt Ami does either. All of them have a vested interest in saving the world, so I doubt they would be skimping on important details. At best maybe they've heard a legend or two more than us but when we first heard of the Eaters none of them seemed to have rung a bell
- Location
- Book Fort
- Pronouns
- They/Them
He was called upon to be isekai'd, wasn't he?
Emstar
The Shining One
- Location
- Trapped in an extradimensional rift.
- Pronouns
- She/They
If this isn't followed up by a hastily written message from @Velorien asking the Hivemind for all sorts of horrifying munchkinry mixed with requests for survival info and basic engineering knowledge that ends with "Please respond quickly, I don't have much time and there is nowhere for me to charge my phone here. It's amazing I have cell service, but I'm not questioning it." or similar, then I will incite a riot.
- Location
- Yes.
@Velorien faflec.suggestion.
- Location
- Europe
Chapter 507: Truth in the Dark (April Fool's?)
- Location
- UK
- Pronouns
- He/Him
A/N: This is Velorien's partner posting from his account. Thank you very much to @eaglejarl for helping to complete this draft at the last minute.
Some people, Hazō reflected, were harder to influence than others. Kei would, at worst, tolerate anybody who came to her with carrot cake, and even Lord Hagoromo might leave with the same number of limbs as he arrived if one of those limbs happened to be carrying a box of Pantasia's finest. Asuma was more demanding, requiring an absence of even accidental treason before he could be put in a good mood. Shikamaru, unfortunately, was harder still, since the act of socialising in and of itself risked incurring his disapproval. Given this, and the fact that Hazō couldn't even manipulate the circumstances of their meeting (if he tried, forcing Shikamaru to leave the Nara compound would already earn him minus points), today would demand the very finest performance from Gōketsu Mari's star pupil if he wanted to walk away with any forbidden lore at all.
Hazō: Empathy 21 - 3 = 18
Shikamaru: Deceit ?? + ? = ??
Hazō discovers the personal Aspect "Keeper of the Third Lock".
Shikamaru: Deceit ?? + ? = ??
Hazō discovers the personal Aspect "Keeper of the Third Lock".
So it was that Hazō's movements were smooth and relaxed, with no uncalled-for excitement, as he settled down into the visitor's chair in Shikamaru's office, and his tone was friendly but erring on the side of reserved as he gave his greetings.
"Good afternoon, Shikamaru. Thank you for making time for me today."
Shikamaru, after taking a second to extract a bookmark from a drawer and slide it into the middle of a folder marked STAR CLEARANCE ONLY—Hazō not only didn't have Star Clearance, but hadn't even heard of it before—gave a small, weary smile.
"On the contrary," he said. "It is good to see you, Hazō, insofar as I have yet to thank you properly for saving Hagoromo Ritsuo's life."
"I… did?" Hazō asked with an edge of alarm. He could have sworn he'd gone an entire week without any major slip-ups.
"Indeed. I dread to think what might have happened to him had I been unable to make my point through mere threat of Dragon-induced liquefaction—and then the Hokage would have been forced to make my life very difficult."
Hazō took a second to recall the beautiful terror in Lord Hagoromo's eyes as Shikamaru bent him ever closer to an overdue encounter with the Reaper. Lord Hagoromo had taken his revenge as best he could after that, against Hazō at least, demanding compensation for the dagger as if it had been made from chakra metal by the Sage of Six Paths himself. Unfortunately, the cunning snake had made a point of ensuring Harumitsu knew what happened, and rejecting the ridiculous demand when Hazō was technically in the wrong would have made him look even worse in front of his apprentice. The last thing Hazō needed was for the Hagoromo to start regaining their moral superiority over him in Harumitsu's eyes.
"Well," Hazō said, "you're very welcome. Or possibly my sincere apologies, whichever you prefer."
Shikamaru gave a shadow of a smile.
"Now, how may I help you on this occasion?"
"I wanted to pick your brain about something I came across on the Seventh Path," Hazō said. "Cannai, the Dog Boss, once told me a particularly cryptic poem attributed to the Sage of Six Paths himself—whom, you'll remember, some of the oldest summons knew in person. Here, I wrote it out for you."
Unbounded you name me, yet bound am I
Wise One you name me, yet still I err
First Spinner you name me, and this I grant
I have spun your First Tale, my Great Tale
The Tale of Dog, and Cat, of Hawk, and Hornet.
All tales change and all tales flow
Days wend into weeks and years
Passing time bringing losses, cheers
Now must I go, my children all
My bed to make among the men, who need me more.
Flow of fire, standing high
Tower the mighty waves, grave and gray and green
Water's power raised by storm-wind's breath
Fire and wave in joyous chorus, the birth of earth to bring
Green the rising life shall grow
Trees of wood and iron and stone
Beware their shade, where my Lost Ones sing.
Beyond the trees my rest shall be
I leave there seven rocks with seven locks
Each rock a treasure's home
Treasures bright shall guidance give
Truth or death, no equal chance
To find the way to me.
Spin on, talespinner! Spin on!
Raise up the mighty word, unite the bounding arc of dream
With reason's bark and incisive bite
From first to last
To tread the path of wisdoms lost
Remember me, speak my name
And when the years have wended wide
Come and find me once again.
Shikamaru read over the text several times.
"Were it not for the credibility of the source, I would be tempted to dismiss it as a prank. I studied a number of prophecies and similar texts during my training—most are inventions of diseased minds or would-be poets wishing to add mystique to their simian flailing of brush and paper. One must always consider context: would the writer have a reason for conveying important information to these people at this time, and if they did, would they have reason to do so in an obscure and cryptic fashion? You do not see me encoding Nara Clan secrets into rhyme and handing them out to random canines of my acquaintance. If I must share them at all, I do so plainly, in a fashion minimally vulnerable to miscommunication, and only with select individuals in a sufficiently secure environment.
"What is it you believe can be found within this piece of, if you'll forgive me, doggerel?"
"I wouldn't have made anything of it," Hazō said after a few seconds' thought, "if I wasn't already neck-deep in this Great Seal business. But now I am, I have to ask: how many other little surprises has the Sage left for us across the universe? Are there any eldritch horrors running around which we're just lucky not to have come across yet, or more ancient wards with expiration dates about to go by? And then I hear a message allegedly from the Sage talking about 'seven rocks with seven locks', and suddenly I feel like it's really important to know if there are six other existential threats I need to be preparing for.
"Oh," he said, as if his train of thought had been interrupted, "I nearly forgot. I was passing by a bookshop on my way here, and saw that Tetsu Gaku's new work, Meditations on Applied Eschatology, had just come out, so I figured I'd pick you up a copy."
He reached into his bag and pulled out the heavy, leather-bound tome.
Shikamaru's expression brightened slightly as he took it. "Thank you. Losing track of bookshop contents is one of the few disadvantages of leaving the compound as little as possible. One of the sisters would surely have brought it to my attention before long, but I appreciate the gesture."
"No problem," Hazō said. Then, with Shikamaru briefly off-guard, he made a probing move.
"More than anything else," he said, "it's hard to believe how irresponsible the so-called Father of Shinobi's turned out to be. You'd think it would be a no-brainer that when you take responsibility for keeping humanity safe from an abomination, you give it the whole thousand yards instead of just putting the thing behind a giant seal and calling it a day."
"Quite," Shikamaru agreed distractedly as he flicked through the book. "Considering what is at stake if even one such primordial horror breaks free, one would think the Sage would at least leave behind detailed guidance for the maintenance of his works. One should not be forced to reconstruct knowledge vital to the survival of the human species generation by generation, especially when the dangers of experimentation are cataclysmic."
Bullseye. It wasn't an admission that Shikamaru felt a personal sense of responsibility when it came to keeping sealed horrors sealed, but it was a strong enough hint that Hazō felt confident leaning on it in pursuing his objective.
Hazō tags "Keeper of the Third Lock" and spends 2 FP to invoke "Creative Idealist" and "Relics of the Dragon".
Hazō: Rapport 21 + 3 + 3 + 3 - 3 = 27
Shikamaru: Presence ?? + ? = ??
Hazō: Rapport 21 + 3 + 3 + 3 - 3 = 27
Shikamaru: Presence ?? + ? = ??
"You're absolutely right," Hazō said. "But I guess that only makes it more important for us, his heirs, to make up for his mistakes. We're entering a new age of hope for humanity, between AMITY, the Nara Future Foundation, the Gōketsu's various projects, and all the other clans I hope we'll inspire to innovations of their own once they see how much we can accomplish. The idea of finally pulling humanity out of its spiral of self-destruction, only to be devoured by some ancient monstrosity that we could have vanquished but didn't… it's unacceptable, simple as that."
"Vanquished?" Shikamaru asked sceptically.
"Vanquished," Hazō said with an edge of challenge. "You saw the remains of the Dragon I showed at the Clan Council meeting. The remains, Shikamaru. The Sage didn't have either the will or the power to destroy Dragons, but a thousand years later, we have both. You and I can sit here trembling in fear, knowing that in a decade, or in a century, or maybe as soon as tomorrow, something will rise up to destroy everything we've built. The clans to which we have a duty, the loved ones we've sworn to protect, the village and the world we're determined to uplift… all of that could disappear at any moment, and we won't be able to lift a finger.
"Or we can make the first move. We can use our intelligence to study the Sage's work and rediscover his arts, the way studying the Great Seal is already providing clues about how 3D sealing is possible. We can gather knowledge to learn our enemies' weaknesses and find ways to destroy them, just like my summon allies and I investigated and then set deadly a trap for the Dragon. There's no safe path either way, but it is possible for us to be in control of our own destinies instead of sitting there waiting for the sand to run out on human civilization.
"That's why I came to you with this, Shikamaru. The first step is to know our enemy. Can you think of any lore that might point at these six other seals? Could there be any on the Human Path?"
Shikamaru didn't respond straight away.
"I must consider," he said, putting down the book to fold his hands in his lap. Hazō recognised the Nara sign language's "processing; do not disturb".
-o-
"Very well," Shikamaru said, finally unfolding his hands after what felt like a lifetime of waiting. "Come with me."
Brushing off all questions, he led Hazō out of the office, out of the main building, and to an unassuming annex near the back of the compound. He stopped only once along the way, to catch another Nara and whisper some kind of instruction (which, again, he brushed off with a muttered "Contingencies").
Shikamaru came to a stop in what looked like a construction materials storeroom at the back of the annex. Shelf after shelf was lined with perfectly ordinary, non-eldritch beams of wood and buckets of tar and paint. As a bemused Hazō watched on, Shikamaru placed a lantern on an empty hook, then turned to face one of the annex's inner walls.
"Shadow Sewing Technique!"
Under the steady light of the lantern, Shikamaru's shadow split into several fine strands that moved on their own with lightning speed, slithering through tiny holes in the wall that Hazō wouldn't even have known were there. A few seconds later, there was a distant click. With a low, melancholy grinding sound, the wall split in two and both parts slid out of the way to expose a stairway down.
"Please be careful," Shikamaru said, leaving the lantern where it was. "It's a long descent, and no shade is permitted where we are heading."
Hazō followed Shikamaru down, holding tight to the handrail in the absolute darkness of the underworld. Above them, the door shut itself again, leaving him at Shikamaru's mercy to get out of here again.
Hazō had previously thought that the staircase down to Orochimaru's Basement was deep. He now realised that he had known nothing of depth, as the pair's journey wore on and his legs began to ache.
"How much longer—"
"Shhh!" Shikamaru hissed. "Do not speak unbidden until we are back at the top."
After a second, he added, "You do not wish to accidentally provide information."
Provide information to whom, Hazō wanted to ask, but despite what his Academy teachers might have believed, he was capable of following direct instructions.
At long last, the descent came to an end. From the sudden shift in the sound of their footsteps, Hazō guessed that they had entered a large, open space.
"Walk forward slowly," Shikamaru said. "Hold out a hand so that you do not run into it face-first."
Hazō obeyed, increasingly wary. If Shikamaru wanted to assassinate him, say, for asking too many questions about unspeakable clan secrets, there would be no better opportunity. He had to count on the fact that people had seen them together today, and while Shikamaru had the authority to swear them all to secrecy, there was still a chance that his second-in-command would find out, in which case he'd quickly join Hazō in the afterlife.
Hazō's hand touched stone. Or was it stone? It felt just a little bit too giving, and oddly warm. As his fingers moved across it, he could feel grooves etched into the material, sweeping lines and deep points forming a pattern he could almost but not quite visualise. In fact, if there was one thing it made him think of…
Shikamaru was saying something in the background, but Hazō found himself less and less interested in what he had to say. This was it, he realised, a second example of a 3D seal. With this for comparison, he had what he needed in order to be able to analyse and decode the Great Seal. It was the clue he'd been waiting for all along.
He couldn't see it, and that meant he couldn't store its image in his mind. Maybe that was the real reason for the darkness. Yes, Shikamaru must have found out about the Iron Nerve's greatest secret. It wasn't something Shikamaru, or anyone outside the Kurosawa, could be allowed to know—Hazō had barely escaped being vivisected for it once already. He would have to do something. Here, in the dark, Shikamaru couldn't use his shadows. There would be no better chance. Nobody could blame Hazō if, after such a long walk, the fatigue combined with the darkness led the boy to slip on the endless stairs and break his neck.
No. No, there was no need to be hasty. There was something much more important to do before he risked combat with the heir of the binders. For the sake of defeating the Heralds, Hazō needed to know what lay behind this seal. All the answers to the mysteries of the world were waiting for him to reach out and take them, if he only removed one trivial obstacle.
Hazō reached for his exploding tags.
-o-
"…A mind so impossibly fractured… hadn't even… first safety threshold… never imagined…"
Hazō was awake. Maybe awake. He couldn't move. He couldn't think right. Something was wrong.
There were two people. They were leaning over him, talking.
"Please, Shikamaru. There's got to be another way. You remember what happened to that genin. I can't…"
Ino. Hazō relaxed. Ino was here. He was safe with Ino.
"You know what's at stake, Ino," Shikamaru said insistently. "I find the necessity appalling myself. This is not a process that should ever be performed on family, nor am I thrilled about the implications of using it on the head of a Leaf clan. But if we do not…"
"…yeah." Ino's voice was pained. Why was Ino in pain? This was important; this was something Hazō had to do something about… but he couldn't move, and he could only barely think. Had he hit his head? Had he been drugged? It was like there was a heavy iron lid over his mind, crushing his thoughts.
"I'm so sorry, Hazō. So, so sorry." Ino leaned over him, and he could see her eyes brimming with tears. What was she sorry for? What was happening? "I… I promise I'll be as gentle as I can."
Ino placed her left hand on Hazō's forehead. It was warm.
"Forbidden Technique: Crimson Purification."
Ino spends FP to invoke "Princess of the Boar Clan", "Mindwalker", and "Lover on an Untrodden Path".
Ino: Crimson Purification ?? + ? + ? + ? + ? = ??
Hazō spends 1 FP to invoke "Toughened Mind".
Hazō: Resolve 38 + 4 - 9 = 33
Hazō spends 1 FP to reroll.
Hazō: Resolve 38 + 4 + 3 = 45
Ino wins. Hazō takes 6 mental stress. He receives the Mild mental Consequence "Stunned" and the Medium mental Consequence "Scoured Brain".
Ino: Crimson Purification ?? + ? + ? + ? + ? = ??
Hazō spends 1 FP to invoke "Toughened Mind".
Hazō: Resolve 38 + 4 - 9 = 33
Hazō spends 1 FP to reroll.
Hazō: Resolve 38 + 4 + 3 = 45
Ino wins. Hazō takes 6 mental stress. He receives the Mild mental Consequence "Stunned" and the Medium mental Consequence "Scoured Brain".
Pulsating tendrils reached from Ino's hand into the crevices of Hazō's mind, slithering into its folds like a million shapeless insects. The headache took only seconds to flare into a migraine, bringing with it intense nausea that reverberated through his entire body. Hazō's fingertips twitched uncontrollably as roiling lumps of black mindstuff that should have been his memories but weren't floated to the surface one by one, to be plucked by the tendrils and mercilessly torn out. He could feel pieces of his self go with them. In the distance, he could hear Shikamaru's voice, emotionless and methodical.
Where was he? What was happening to him? When would it stop?
Eventually, there were meaningless words from meaningless people.
"It's done, Shikamaru. I did my very best, but still… What if—"
"I will have Kei monitor him for side effects. If anything happens, she will contact you immediately."
"Remember, the impressionable state will only last for—"
"I remember, Ino. You should head home. I will take care of the rest."
"Hazō, I am so sorry."
A boy with black hair took his arm and gently pulled him up to his feet. He went with it for lack of any better ideas.
"Come, Hazō."
Yes, that was his name. Kurosawa Hazō. No, that wasn't quite right. Gōketsu Hazō?
"Let us have tea together," the boy said, "and I will explain how we spent the afternoon."
-o-
You have received 3 + 1 (Brevity) + 1 (Fun-to-write) = 5 XP. You have lost 5 FP and received 1 FP for winning a meaningful conflict and 2 FP for taking Consequences.
-o-
Voting is closed.
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Unaligned Player
Agony that desires to meet Extinction
- Location
- Adrift between sanity and madness
- Pronouns
- Shrug
So a plan to assert Hazou's identity seems to be in order yes?
- Location
- Europa, Jupiter Orbit
Sod off! (Edit: Trigger warning for the spoilered stuff)
I took it seriously and wanted to say that I don't care about the update and want to know what the hell happened without euphemisms before I imagine the worst (suicide attempt resulting in brain damage). Only after reading the tying up of plot threads did I start finding things weird enough to scroll down, see all the "funny" reactions and remember what day it is.
Eh. Maybe I am overreacting (actually not maybe, I definitely am), but I just spoke to someone with suicide plans a couple of hours ago and that made me feel quite helpless.
Whatever. I guess I should just learn to read faster and not feel serious emotions before getting to the end if an "announcement". Carry on. Happy April 1st everybody.
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- Location
- UK
- Pronouns
- He/Him
I'm sorry to hear how this post made you feel, but please exercise some self-control. Swearing at other users is not acceptable in this thread.
- Location
- Europe
Oh hey, OUT moment?
So Nekka was right, "Eaters" aren't the real problem.
Threnodist
occupying Haudenosaunee & Osage land she/her/hers
- Location
- Pittsburgh
Lmao! My heart stopped when I read eaglejarl's post but then I remembered what day it was! You manage to get me every year somehow!
Though these little potential lore bits are scrumptious & intriguing…. can't wait to see if they turn out to be real!
Happy April Fools everyone!
Though these little potential lore bits are scrumptious & intriguing…. can't wait to see if they turn out to be real!
Happy April Fools everyone!
- Location
- Europa, Jupiter Orbit
Sorry. The fuck off was meant to be more like a flippant expression than a targeted insult. Though yes, it doesn't come through through the medium of text. I'll edit it.
Unaligned Player
Agony that desires to meet Extinction
- Location
- Adrift between sanity and madness
- Pronouns
- Shrug
So the Nara Entity makes things seem Perfectly Reasonable as far as I can tell. Hazou is especially vulnerable to it considering his habit of ideas seeming Perfectly Reasonable. Shika could have probably explained that to Hazou and sent him running. Honestly that's the greatest piece of evidence towards this being an April Fools Update, Shikamaru not thinking that bringing a guy that's known for having Perfectly Reasonable Idea's to the entity that works by making people see idea's as Perfectly Reasonable is a horrible idea. I'll treat it as a serious update until proven otherwise but yeah this seems a Hazou level mistake for Shikamaru to make. Maybe even more.
Eisenhelm
gran dutch of douchery
- Location
- Colombia
where else would you put evil things? i mean, besides the gaming room to give atmosphere
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- Location
- Book Fort
- Pronouns
- They/Them
Functionally unlimited, as far as Hazou can tell. Naruto had dozens (or was it hundreds?) of shadow Clones out during the Reconstruction of Leaf after the Collapse. Even then, I think I recall some players speculating that Naruto was limited by Resolve, rather than CP.
Well fuck empathy, I guess.
Now, who was it again that advocated for exterminating the Yodomi first just to see what happens?
