- Location
- The state of Paranoia
[X] Action Plan: The Shining Heart -- A Youthful Uplift Speech
Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest
- Thread starter eaglejarl
- Start date
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- Tags
- naruto rationalist romance armageddon is looking better and better damn you kishimoto explosions everywhere explosives solve everyone if in doubt surrender to the mercy of zabuza it seemed like a good idea at the time looks like a really bad case of being a jōnin my god. where does the lore end? precommitting is the winning plan screaming in kagome screw the rules i have explosives something bad might still happen sometimes you gotta sociopath stabby zabby subsection c of paragraph 9 should include we can weaponize this so hard open voting
- Location
- USA
Plan updates with some feedback from @ProperAttorney , which I tried to incorporate without changing the core skeleton of the speech. 498 words is -1 XP.
- Location
- Yes.
You are two words off 499, could you cut?
They don't see enemy civilians as worth anything beyond their resources; they care more about their own civilians even if they don't care to the extent that we (Uplift/the players) do.
I'd disagree with respecting the clanless and civilians, people can respect them while still not caring about them as resource generators/numbers on a page. Ninja, and especially clan ninja/upper class ninja need to empathize with them.
I'd also want to shelve mention of Shadow Clone, I don't care if this is in a "safe" place this mention is not necessary to get your point across.
- Location
- USA
[X] Action Plan: Definitely Another Normal Birthday
[X] Training Hazou: Just resolve for now so we can uncap it
[X] Training Akane: Survival and uncaps but not so much she is promoted
I would probably prefer the Akane training plan to be Ath 46/Alt 45, but this works too.
[X] Training Hazou: Just resolve for now so we can uncap it
[X] Training Akane: Survival and uncaps but not so much she is promoted
I would probably prefer the Akane training plan to be Ath 46/Alt 45, but this works too.
- Location
- USA
I made updates, could you check the new version?
Edit: Nixed mention of Shadow Clone. The other two seem fine to me, in the two version at least. Leaf ninja care about their civilians, but it's clear that war is forcing them to treat them like resources imo.
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- Location
- Yes.
Yes.
"...and stop the violence for everyone"?
I would put "weakness" in quotes; it's not a weakness.
We don't know-know others in Leaf were responsible; maybe you could cut out "in Leaf"?
Reiterating that we shouldn't mention Shadow Clone.
Reiterating Itachi's speech on Hiruzen's success being primarily due to his social skills and not primarily due to his punching skills.
- Location
- USA
I'll just change it to "help end the war."
I think it is tangibly a weakness, since to do otherwise exposes an attack vector for the opponent. It's not a moral failing, but I think that will be clear to both Hazou and Akane.
Reasonable suspicion, given the sketchy circumstances. The comparison doesn't have the same impact without a in-Leaf thing to compare to the out-of-Leaf war thing. Any suggestions for a replacement?
Yep.
Hm... On the one hand, we're talking about being more like Hashirama than Hiruzen. On the other hand, I think this is included in the subsequent "great forethought" part?
- Location
- Yes.
Ninja are taught early that weaknesses are to be excised, how do you think Akane will react to the idea of a core part of her moral philosophy to being a weakness?
Say that "our enemies" did it?
I don't think that's what Itachi's concern was: Hiruzen's skills was done primarily due to his political acumen/social skills, not his visionary abilities.
MrRobot
In doubt there's always the Sun!
We know that akane are blaming herself for those deaths?
We may be jumping the gun otherwise, hazou dont know anything about the mission yet.
- Pronouns
- He/Him
This is the first time she's ever killed someone, and like I know ninja are propagandized to as kids but I would be astonished if it didn't bother her at all. She's got the soul of a golden retriever
- Location
- The Soviet Republic of Canuckistan
- Pronouns
- He/Him
I thought she merked Arikada (sp?).
Probably her first time killing someone who was credibly innocent.
- Location
- The Void
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Nahh she just punched through a zombie during that fight. (If zombies count as people is beyond the scope of this message and is left as an exercise for the reader)
- Location
- Yes.
She merked an Arikada "Edo Tensei".
- Location
- Texas
Per @Paperclipped 's request, I'm submitting a revised speech. Some of the below text is taken from previous comments made in the Discord.
Of primary concern is Akane's reaction to Hazo planning to only give Haru a slap on the wrist for killing civilians.
If we don't respond strongly enough, we will be betraying Akane again.
[X] Action Plan: The Burden
Word Count: 419 (-1 XP)
Of primary concern is Akane's reaction to Hazo planning to only give Haru a slap on the wrist for killing civilians.
Akane has killed civilians in this mission, not because they posed a threat to her or Leaf, not because there was a pressing reason to do so. No, she killed because she was ordered to. "I was just following orders" doesn't absolve you of responsibility or guilt in real life, and it doesn't in fiction either. Akane decided to set fire to the town and is responsible for the deaths that follow. She is a hypocrite for condemning Haru for killing six Yakuza, criminals, in the pursuit of safety for the Goketsu and then turning around and killing civilians that have taken no actions against Leaf or the Goketsu merely on Asuma's word. Would she have been executed for refusing? Maybe, but Akane decided that her life was worth more than the lives of all those civilians.
If we don't respond strongly enough, we will be betraying Akane again.
[X] Action Plan: The Burden
Word Count: 419 (-1 XP)
- Spend time with Akane in a safe, secure place.
- Listen to her before continuing below.
- Get the summary of her mission.
- Hazo has to wear many hats. As Akane's lover, he is overjoyed that she is safe. As part of Uplift, her actions worry Hazo.
- The world is terrible.
- The system punishes those who try to act better. Ninja who treat civilians as worth more than their resources get exploited for their weakness.
- It's an antlion pit, with each side doing worse and worse things to the other in order to try and eke out a comparative advantage. It results in everyone being a worse position.
- That's the world. If you want to follow your ideals, the world will make you suffer by punishing every deviation from the competition.
- Those who try to change the system from the outside are punished.
- Akatsuki.
- Hidden Whirlpool.
- Samurai.
- Those who try to change the system from the inside are forced to commit acts that go against what they believe in.
- The Burden of the Idealist.
- We dirty ourselves working towards this ideal future. We become less worthy of it.
- We persevere.
- We have to, because in a thousand years, no one has managed the societal change that Uplift has.
- Clanless ninja aren't intrinsically less than Clan. We showed that. Now, Asuma and Ebisu are working to ensure that everyone gets support.
- Civilians aren't stupid and unworthy of education. We showed that. Now, a civilian research team has invented an independent form of flight.
- We persevere, so that our children may be true to their selves. So that they do not have to dirty themselves as we have.
- The consequences of our actions are horrible, and nothing we do can erase that. What we can do is make their deaths the beginning of the end of this system of.
- If we want to change the world for the better, we need to act with great forethought, but the system of violence that the world creates cannot be allowed to continue. No matter the cost to our selves.
- (mechanical proposal: transmute Akane's "Youth is All You Need" Aspect to "The Burden of the Idealist", allowing her to buy Forged in Fire.)
- Once this war is over, you and Haru should discuss what actions you can take to atone.
- If Akane would like it, find Ino and bring her in for support as well.
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- Location
- The Soviet Republic of Canuckistan
- Pronouns
- He/Him
I've rejiggered the plan a bit in a way that puts it under wordcount (383) while preserving the intentions and content, which also flows a little better to my eye. I'm not a huge fan of sticking so much of the content under a single branch of an if statement, either, when the other branch is completely unspecified.
I also think that we should make the 'go talk to Ino after our big Uplift speech' more explicit because right now the nature of the bulleted list allows (IMO) a reading of 'go get Ino, then make the speech.
I think that setting up the potential change in Aspect as the result of a commitment Hazo is making to her is a bit more...organic? I think that a speech and a commitment carries more weight than a speech on its own.
- Location
- Yes.
I observe that Akane has shown remarkable pragmatism with regards to un-Uplifty ideals. Like how she didn't bat an eye at Mari killing Leaf-nin back when we traveled to Tea for the first time.
Also related: I do not see her as having made the decision to burn the place.
- Location
- USA
Thank you both for the work. Sadly, we're close to the voting deadline, and I'm splitting attention between this and a work meeting, so I'd prefer not to make changes. It may make sense to vote for the birthday plan instead and redo this plan on Sunday, after some workshopping.
- Location
- Texas
[X] Action Plan: Definitely Another Normal Birthday
[X] Training Hazou: Resolve + Calligraphy
[X] Training Akane: Survival and uncaps but not so much she is promoted
[X] Training Hazou: Resolve + Calligraphy
[X] Training Akane: Survival and uncaps but not so much she is promoted
- Location
- Texas
This is what I was referring to. She could have refused and accepted/fought against the consequences that followed, but she decided to follow orders and burn the city instead.
- Location
- UK
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Please don't vote after the deadline on Wednesdays. It makes closing voting annoying since I have to do it by post numbers and not by "last threadmark to end of thread" (for some reason, SV won't let you combine the two).
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
*cough, cough, run the tally whenever you get to it and that's when voting closes cough, cough*
