Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

Killer_Whale · Dec 22, 2016

Epic update.

Radvic · Dec 22, 2016

eaglejarl said:
Really? ROT13 and transparent text? Grr. Total pain on mobile. Also, does it make sense to keep using "cubar" when Blue Ssmurai is speaking Japanese?

Kiba said:
@Radvic Can you please stop scrambling words and making things hidden? I didn't even realize that texts are invisibile.

eaglejarl said:
For the record, @Radvic, I like the ROT13 text, just not the invisible.

I figured Hazou actively hearing words he doesn't understand gets rot13'd, and conversation that happens in the background (that Hazou isn't really listening to, or can't understand) is transparent text. I elected not to make the text both transparent and rot13'd (though I considered it). There... uh.... may have been transparent text in previous posts as well. Mostly I'm just unsure how to deal with multiple languages when I don't actually know multiple languages.

E. which is also why words that I don't think Hazou would know, like phone and computer, are rot13'd.

eaglejarl said:
Also, @Radvic, you can keep running this here if you want, but it's a lot of fun and is obviously gaining momentum. Why not move it to its own thread and quest it for real? It would certainly make voting easier.

I should do that. Next time I post an update, I'll make a new thread for it. Mostly, I had intended for it to last something like 3 posts, so hadn't figured it was worth it. Clearly that's not the case.

Chapter reactions!

Velorien said:
"Damn, this is going to get me disqualified for sure".

Hakane betting pool confirmed!

Velorien said:
"That should do, Kurosawa. Thank you very much. If you are here to see Ishihara, please feel free to go."

Iron Nerve revealed. Kabuto has a good idea of our true worth now. We make excellent lab assistants.

Velorien said:
It was getting dark.

Helping Kabuto = longer Akane visits confirmed.

Velorien said:
After that, there was nothing for it but to applaud.

-o-

Approximately a tenth of a second after the applause died down, there was a knock on the door.

...awkward... does not bode well for the whole "this just blows over" hope.

Velorien said:
Yamanaka was looking thoughtfully between Hazō and Noburi for reasons Hazō couldn't begin to guess at.

Inazou shippers -> A NEW CHALLANGER APPEARS!

Velorien said:
It would take the most brilliant of insights to come up with a way to make his partner stop drifting off to sleep and fight for real.

"You know," Hazō observed offhandedly, "the sooner we win this, the sooner you can go home."

Hazou's learning about human motivation! Much excitement.

Velorien said:
"Shut up," Hyūga deflated slightly. "It made sense in my head."

I kinda like him.

Velorien said:
"One sane man, Asuma-sensei. I decided to stop struggling and go with the flow a long time ago."

A wise move.

Velorien said:
Kagome-sensei, serving as referee, eyed them all balefully from his armchair, stroking his kunai like a fluffy white cat.

LOL. Kunai cat is best cat.

Velorien said:
Tenten glanced down at Keiko's right hand. Keiko shook her head very slightly, apologetically. Tenten gave a fractional nod.

Then the two of them nodded to each other, just like before. If there was any more subtle emotion being expressed by their movements, Hazō couldn't read it.

KEIKO MADE A FRIEND!!!!

Velorien said:
Got to keep our strength up for when the stinkers finally make their move. It's been too quiet.

I fully agree with this statement.

An excellent chapter @Velorien. Specifically, I enjoyed the character interactions, as each character came across as a complex person and their interactions were both amusing and enjoyable to read.

MadScientist · Dec 22, 2016

Velorien said:
There are rumours going around that he's secretly a master of deception with an unbreakable façade, and that this is why he was put in a team with not just Hyūga Neji but Tenten herself…

For those who missed it, Tenten is apparently the legendary up-and-comer of their class, outranking Neji "anything the main house can do I can do better" Hyūga.

Which makes a bit of sense, because in canon she's a sealmistress who invented a storage seal variant that stores multiple weapons and unstores them in sequence timed so that she can throw them as projectiles at a steady rhythm.

Cariyaga · Dec 22, 2016

MadScientist said:
For those who missed it, Tenten is apparently the legendary up-and-comer of their class, outranking Neji "anything the main house can do I can do better" Hyūga.

Which makes a bit of sense, because in canon she's a sealmistress who invented a storage seal variant that stores multiple weapons and unstores them in sequence timed so that she can throw them as projectiles at a steady rhythm.

Oh. Oh. That's an... embarrassing oversight on our part.

OliWhail · Dec 22, 2016

Velorien said:
The only person who doesn't know is Kagome, and that's because he thinks romance is a form of undefined behaviour and treats it accordingly."

KAGOME CONTINUES TO BE THE ONLY SANE PARTY MEMBER

Velorien said:
Inoue-sensei's mouth opened, then closed again.

I TOLD YOU STINKERS TO CHANGE THE WORDING AWAY FROM "USING HER" BUT NOOOO

Velorien said:
The hard part is suppressing the Iron Nerve so you can make each performance unique,

WELL HI THERE KUROSAWA "INFOSEC IS A KIND OF NOODLE DISH, RIGHT?" HAZOU, THANKS FOR STOPPING BY.

Really though, a masterful and heartwarming chapter @Velorien. I giggled more times than I care to count.

faflec · Dec 22, 2016

Cariyaga said:
Oh. Oh. That's an... embarrassing oversight on our part.

faflec said:
something something Tenten is ANBU something something Keiko is being subverted something something Takahashi the Hillbilly nin something something screaming in Kagome

*Umbridge cough*

MadScientist · Dec 22, 2016

Found her seal: Twin Rising Dragons

Radvic · Dec 22, 2016

MadScientist said:
Found her seal: Twin Rising Dragons

That's terrifying. Want to make Keiko an improved version?

faflec · Dec 22, 2016

Radvic said:
That's terrifying. Want to make Keiko an improved version?

@eaglejarl: Kagome screams and kills you all.

The playerbase: Fuck.

@Velorien: Want to roll another character?

rkyeun · Dec 22, 2016

@Radvic

Mostly I'm just unsure how to deal with multiple languages when I don't actually know multiple languages.

In Pokemon Nephri, I handled this by using different quote marks for different languages, and invisitexting any speech (but not the quotes containing them) in a language the PoV character didn't understand.

Velorien · Dec 22, 2016

My last two days:

Wednesday 12:00 - "They want me to write what?!"

[commence pacing around flat, planning and writing scenes in head]

[sit down, start writing in MS Word]

19:00 - "Oops, I seem to have forgotten about lunch. Better have dinner now."

22:40 - "I... meant to go to bed an hour ago, didn't I?"

Thursday 10:00 - [sit down to edit]

"I should make it to my meeting on time if I leave at 3 pm."

14:40 - "Argh, I forgot about lunch again!"

[desperately scarf down something quick to make]

15:15 - [hit "post" button, ask @eaglejarl to update XP, run]

On the one hand, that much uninterrupted creativity feels really good, and writing is a major source of self-esteem for me in the first place. On the other hand, I think it would be for the good of all of us if I did not do that again.

Also, one disadvantage of such long updates is that you end up putting in way too many clues for anyone to spot in a single reading.

OliWhail · Dec 22, 2016

Velorien said:
I think it would be for the good of all of us if I did not do that again.

[X] Plan Plan: Shorter Plans

Radvic · Dec 22, 2016

Velorien said:
Also, one disadvantage of such long updates is that you end up putting in way too many clues for anyone to spot in a single reading.

Challenge accepted! (after breakfast of course).

MadScientist · Dec 22, 2016

To throw yet more fuel onto the shipping fire:

Velorien said:
"It wouldn't," Nara said sharply. "I don't exactly know you that well yet, and besides, given who you are, my father could never allow it. To be frank, from your position you'd have to marry into the clan to be allowed into our library."

Keiko gave him a contemplative look.

"No. No no no. Don't even think about it. There is nothing in this world more troublesome than women."

Hazou gave him a contemplative look.

Velorien · Dec 22, 2016

MadScientist said:
Hazou gave him a contemplative look.

Velorien said:
Life would be so much simpler if only he was into boys the way Keiko was into girls.

Langevin · Dec 22, 2016

So, pro-Hakane points:

They have a strong bond already
They'll be in touch by default, even if Akane stays in Leaf as team liaison
They know each other really well, etc.
- This is actually really important; in my experience relationships benefit a lot from a solid foundation of trust, understanding, and friendship
There's long-term mutual attraction that everyone on the team's noticed

Whereas the main pro-Ino points before this update were that she's blonde and "exciting". I'm more sympathetic to it now if we find out she's taken Hazou's uplift speech seriously, but there's still tons of practical issues (clan heir, how often will our teams be free and in Konoha at the same time?), and no basis for a relationship besides two days of quasi-flirting.

Ultimately, though, I'm fine with Ino stuff iff there's a way we can pursue it without hurting Akane. Because that will happen if we don't take serious steps to avoid it.

Jello_Raptor · Dec 22, 2016

I've gone ahead and updated the Shipping Chart with the new information from this post.

I'll make a reaction post soon.

Muer'ci · Dec 22, 2016

Jello_Raptor said:
I've gone ahead and updated the Shipping Chart with the new information from this post.

I'll make a reaction post soon.

Who's Chogi?

Langevin · Dec 22, 2016

Also,

Velorien said:
"Don't assume you have to figure everything out straight away, or that the form your relationship takes now needs to be the form it'll always have. You're going to grow, both of you, and your feelings will change, again and again, and you don't have get it all right first time round.

So much this. We don't need to CCnJ this, and in fact I think it would be actively harmful. There's a reason this sort of thing is usually done in a very non-Tell-Culture way; it involves messy, fluid feelings and uncertain chemistry, and there are strong benefits to being able to dip in a toe rather than making a pact to jump right in.

Rather than making an explicit confession, we can test the waters, indicating openness to a relationship by...well, in part by just doing the things we're doing that demonstrate care and affection of a potentially romantic variety. Advanced moves in this skill tree include subtly initiating physical contact (touching hands, brushing hair off forehead), indicating interest with socially-prescribed actions (already doing this a bit already with "meeting the parents"

), subtly communicating attraction with looks and compliments.

Edit: @Jello_Raptor, you forgot Mari <> Hazou, Keiko <> Hazou (in their own special robotic way), and Mari <> Kagome (or Kagome c3 Mari c3 Leaf).

ChronOblivion · Dec 22, 2016

Velorien said:
Yamanaka shook her head. "It can't be like that everywhere, Kurosawa. Maybe you happened to pass through some really awful hellhole on your way here, but come on." She gestured around herself. "If the world was really that bad, somebody would be doing something about it. Otherwise there'd be no civilians left."

Well, at least Ino is just ignorant of the civilians' plight, and not uncaring.

Velorien said:
"Hazō, I am concerned that the amount of time and energy you invest in making lists and talking about them reflects a growing addiction. I do not believe that an addiction would reflect on you as a person in any way, but if it negatively impacts on your well-being, then I would like to offer whatever assistance I can in helping you break the habit. I request that you set aside some time to reflect on whether you may be a list addict, and also consider seeking advice from more qualified individuals such as Inoue-sensei. I wish to reiterate that I do not consider such an addiction a failure of character, but rather an unfortunate illness which would benefit from swift treatment lest the symptoms intensify and cause you suffering."

Hazō goggled.

"I… uh…"

Oh, right, the demonstration.

"Thank you for your concern, Keiko. I do not believe my behaviour is addictive, but since I trust your judgement as a matter of general principle, I will give the matter serious thought. If I feel any uncertainty over whether I am a list addict, I will speak to others who know me well, including Inoue-sensei, in order to obtain their input. Should I conclude that your evaluation is correct, I will of course take all possible steps to cure the addiction, at which time I will be sure to call on your support. I appreciate you looking out for me, and am grateful that you are prepared to bring up such sensitive issues for my benefit. Please continue to do so if any arise in the future."

They both turned to see Nara's reaction.

Nara was busy rummaging through his equipment pouch.

"Do that again. I need to take notes."

We are earning so many brownie points with the person who is arguably one of the most important contacts we can make here.

Velorien said:
"Right now I just want to see what kind of books are available, though if any of them have a copy of the Yumehara histories…"

"Actually," Nara reached into his pouch awkwardly and drew out a weighty tome, "I took the liberty of bringing Volume I with me. You don't have to borrow it if you don't want to, of course. I just thought you might…"

"Thank you, Nara!" Hazō beamed. "That's really considerate of you. Of course I'd like to borrow it."

"Yes, well, it occurred to me that in your position you wouldn't be able to get borrowing rights from any of the public libraries, and the History of the Elemental Nations books reward heavy investment. You wouldn't be able to appreciate them properly if you read them in snatches in between other activities. This is my personal copy, so please take good care of it."

Holy shit, he really likes us. We really have to read this to completion and take good care of it.

Velorien said:
"Every volume since its foundation?" Keiko echoed distantly. "Then since you have unrestricted access, would it be possible—"

"It wouldn't," Nara said sharply. "I don't exactly know you that well yet, and besides, given who you are, my father could never allow it. To be frank, from your position you'd have to marry into the clan to be allowed into our library."

Keiko gave him a contemplative look.

"No. No no no. Don't even think about it. There is nothing in this world more troublesome than women."

Good old Keiko. Willing to get married if it means free access to an expansive library.

Velorien said:
"Uh, anyway, this isn't about Ino. It's about Akane. Inoue-sensei… I think I like her, and I don't know what to do."

Inoue-sensei gave him a sardonic look. "Well, it's about time you figured it out."

Hazō blinked. "You mean you knew?"

The look turned pitying. "Hazō, of course I know. Noburi knows. Keiko knows. Pandā knows. The only person who doesn't know is Kagome, and that's because he thinks romance is a form of undefined behaviour and treats it accordingly."

Awesome. Hazou has liked her for a very long time, and he is (almost) the last person to realize it.

Velorien said:
"All right. The question is: what do you want? Do you want to date her, boy and girl, and try to make your bond deeper in profound ways you can't even imagine yet? Do you want to just stay friends, because being with her is more important than risking losing her in the horrible, agonising mess that love can become? Do you want something in the middle, without the reliabilities and restrictions of conventional labels? Or maybe you want to make this poly, and bring in Ino or some other girl you meet, and embrace the glorious complications that result?"

I feel like something in the middle would be best, since their bond is already very strong, and any love should supplement that. Poly would be good too if it's completely cool with everyone involved. Inazou is interesting, I just don't want it to take the place of Hakane.

Velorien said:
"Be honest about your feelings. With yourself. With her. Don't play games. Adults spend all their time playing games, and then we end up alone with broken hearts and wonder what went wrong.

"You're in a difficult, unstable situation. She's in hospital and she's unhappy. You have to make a call—will hearing your feelings now help her or hurt her? Be sensitive to her mood. Don't throw all this at her when she's not ready, but don't miss the moment either. In love, timing is everything.

"Whether you talk to her now or later, talk to her. Don't make it a declaration. You two are smart, mature for your age, and already close friends. You can work out the best way to move forwards together.

"Don't assume you have to figure everything out straight away, or that the form your relationship takes now needs to be the form it'll always have. You're going to grow, both of you, and your feelings will change, again and again, and you don't have get it all right first time round.

"Oh, and don't rush the physical stuff, either. That gets real complicated real fast, and generally teenage girls will want to take it slower than you expect.

Nothing to really say here, just solid advice.

Velorien said:
"I, uh, have to ask, Akane, but does Rock Lee do that deliberately? Or is he really…" Hazō wasn't sure how to finish the sentence without insulting Akane's crush.

"Nobody knows," Akane admitted. "There are rumours going around that he's secretly a master of deception with an unbreakable façade, and that this is why he was put in a team with not just Hyūga Neji but Tenten herself… but you get rumours like that about all sorts of people. The one before that was about our year's Nara, Shikamaru, being a once-in-a-generation genius who'd finished the Academy's advanced tactics classes when he was eight just so he'd have more free periods to nap in."

Hahahaha, so he has a reputation for saying suspiciously homoerotic things, and no one knows if he's doing it on purpose or not.

Velorien said:
and that this is why he was put in a team with not just Hyūga Neji but Tenten herself

This really jumped out at me. So Tenten is regarded as the top of her class. People have already mentioned her Hammerspace seals, and her apparent mastery of every weapon.

Velorien said:
Approximately a tenth of a second after the applause died down, there was a knock on the door.

"M-Maito Gai? I, uh, please come in," Hazō stuttered.

"Thank you, thank you," Gai beamed with his disturbingly sparkling smile.

"How long were you out there, just out of curiosity?"

"Oh, we didn't want to interrupt such a riveting tale, and one different in so many interesting ways from Neji's story."

Hyūga followed Gai in, giving Noburi a glare that was the poisoned, exploding-tag-festooned shuriken of evil looks.

"Relax, Hyūga, I didn't tell them about how you were so stunned you gulped down a mouthful of disgusting swamp water and pondweed. Or how you stamped your foot down and stormed off in a huff like a little girl who didn't get the Princess Tsunade doll she wanted for Ascension Day. Or how you—"

Jesus, Noburi, take it easy on the poor guy.

Velorien said:
"Oh, that's it. I'll show you teamwork. I will cooperate your ass to victory with the full power of the Hyūga!"

"Cooperate my ass to victory?" Noburi repeated.

"Shut up," Hyūga deflated slightly. "It made sense in my head."

That did a lot to humanize Neji. I could actually see these two forming a solid friendship in the future.

Velorien said:
When Prof. Yumehara got around to writing Volume V: The Fall of the Elemental Nations, he would begin with this moment, when Hazō foolishly allowed Inoue-sensei to "randomly" decide their teams of two.

"Someday," said the Boy-Who-Lived, "when the distant descendants of Homo sapiens are looking back over the history of the galaxy and wondering how it all went so wrong, they will conclude that the original mistake was when someone taught Hermione Granger how to read."

Velorien said:
"How are you rolling all those sixes?" he pleaded.

"Probability is overrated," Tenten replied enigmatically, toppling another Hazamaru figure with a flick of her fingertip.

Almost wanted Hazou to roll all sixes right back. Don't know how Tenten is doing it, other than simply Iron-Nerve-level control of her hands.

Velorien said:
Tenten had perched herself down on the arm of the sofa next to Keiko.

Velorien said:
Keiko and Tenten nodded to each other expressionlessly and sat down side by side in a mirrored motion.

Velorien said:
And Gaimari… Team Gaimari weren't paying much attention to the game at all, and were currently watching Keiko and Tenten while whispering to each other. Yet they were still holding a solid third place.

Velorien said:
Tenten glanced down at Keiko's right hand. Keiko shook her head very slightly, apologetically. Tenten gave a fractional nod.

Then the two of them nodded to each other, just like before. If there was any more subtle emotion being expressed by their movements, Hazō couldn't read it.

*peers at Tenten and Keiko suspiciously through his Shipping Goggles*

Wow, they seem like their really close already. Keiten confirmed? They have plenty of things in common.

Velorien said:
"Yes. And besides, thinking about it, even if I like her that way, that doesn't mean she likes me back."

"Mizukage's oozing thornbush of a haircut," Inoue-sensei said under her breath, "we do have a lot of work to do."

"What do you mean?"

"Never mind."

Sweet Jashin, you poor boy.

Velorien said:
Mari's footsteps were heavy as she trudged through the corridors of the Mizukage's Office. She didn't enjoy meeting Yagura face to face at the best of times, and this was definitely not the best of times. She could only hope that he was up to his ears in work and had little time to spare for the likes of her.

"Good morning, Captain Zabuza," she gave a respectful nod as the senior jōnin passed her by.

"Inoue," he nodded back.

Mari turned to look at him as he walked away. Momochi Zabuza. A brutal, ruthless killer the mere whisper of whose name sent missing-nin fleeing to the far corners of the world. An unapproachable masked man with an aura of mystery. And sculpted like a god of war. Mari sighed.

The labyrinthine passageways twisted and turned as she made her way to the heart of the bureaucratic maze and knocked on Yagura's door.

"Enter."

The boy looked small behind an adult's desk, and smaller still next to the tall, immaculately squared stacks of paperwork. You could almost pity him, this youth locked into the hardest job in the village by the burden of his own power. You could almost pity him… if you didn't know.

"Inoue Mari, reporting in."

As she crossed the threshold of his office, she felt a disorienting sense of transition. Yagura's will extended from him like an invisible lattice of force, cutting up the world into regular tiles connected to each other by rules no one but he understood. Those who stepped into his presence became his pieces, granted one tile each and permitted to move only as he chose.

"You failed the Mikoto mission, Inoue," Yagura said, his voice an emotionless tenor.

"Sir! My assignment was to infiltrate Akarengejō and—"

"I know the missions I assign my shinobi, Inoue. Restrict yourself to salient information."

Mari swallowed.

"As you know, instilling plausible temporary insanity is a very subtle and time-consuming task. Intel said the daimyo and his wife were estranged, and she'd be sleeping in a separate wing, so I should have had all night to work.

"Unfortunately, apparently this was the night she decided to try to reconcile. She walked in on me as I was in mid-genjutsu, assessed the situation immediately, and screamed. I was forced to abort before the guards arrived. I don't believe my identity was compromised."

Yagura's eyes unfocused slightly. He blinked once. Twice.

"Kill the wife. Disable the husband. Cover the wife's body with a blanket and take her form. Inform the guards they heard cries of passion and instruct them that you are not to be disturbed for the foreseeable future. Wait for the husband to recover and use the dead wife's body as a prop to further your original objective."

Mari inwardly winced. "I—I didn't think of it in the heat of the moment."

"No, you did not. Inoue, if you are unable to improvise even on this level, then you must learn to prepare contingencies in advance. Panic is not useful. Shinobi who panic are not useful."

"I did not panic," Mari's temper flared. "Just because—"

Yagura's eyes snapped onto hers.

The lattice of force warped around her, twisting itself like bondage rope, like ninja wire, pinning her from head to toe and stopping the tiniest sliver away from cutting into her flesh. She couldn't move. She couldn't speak.

But Mari refused to surrender. She would not be dominated by a man. She would not be turned into a helpless puppet for Yagura to use for his own pleasure. Not ever.

She was the flame, untouchable and irresistible, dancing and devouring, giving life or destruction on a whim. All the ninja wire in the world could not bind the flame, and any who tried to force their will onto her would burn to ashes.

Something shifted behind Yagura's eyes.

Mari plunged into the oceanic depths, far beyond the reach of the sun. The pressure of endless fathoms of water slammed down onto her, a single teardrop's weight away from crushing her bones into dust. No flame could exist in this abyss. Nothing could exist in this abyss. Nothing but the single vast being that was silently watching her die.

Then the Mizukage let her go.

"Forgive me, Mizukage," Mari choked out as if trying to expel the water from her lungs. "I spoke out of turn."

"Go," the Mizukage said as if nothing had happened. "You will be informed when I next have use for you."

It was then that Mari understood. Whether it was a year from now, or ten, one day the Mizukage would decide she was no longer useful. He would raise his hand and snuff her out, instantly, without a struggle, and if there was anything left alive after that, it would not be Inoue Mari.

Jesus fuck Yagura's scary. I do wonder what that technique is.

But seriously, amazing chapter.

MadScientist · Dec 22, 2016

ChronOblivion said:
*peers at Tenten and Keiko suspiciously through his Shipping Goggles*

Wow, they seem like their really close already. Keiten confirmed? They have plenty of things in common.

I'm now imagining Hazou going over to Team Gai to try the "over-protective (adopted) brother" routine on Tenten, and the others show up half an hour later to discover that they're nerding out over sealing.

ChronOblivion said:
Jesus fuck Yagura's scary. I do wonder what that technique is.

Killing Intent augmented by having an eldritch abomination inside his mind is my guess.

Velorien · Dec 22, 2016

Jello_Raptor said:
I've gone ahead and updated the Shipping Chart with the new information from this post.

By the Mizukage's Dark Young of a haircut, it's... beautiful. If I didn't have power inflation issues tying my hands, I would give this bonus XP before you could say arsenicCatnip.

A couple of queries:

Did you mean Noburi <3 Chōji to be Noburi <3 Keiko?

What does the dashed Sasuke-Akane line denote?

Edit: Or is that a normal Sasuke <3 Akane with space limitations? I don't think we've actually provided evidence for that yet.

will408914 · Dec 22, 2016

ChronOblivion said:
Jesus fuck Yagura's scary. I do wonder what that technique is.

But seriously, amazing chapter.

Chapter 1 said:
Fortunately for Shikigami-sensei, none of the genin had yet mastered the ancient art of the Bloody Mist Technique: River's Dragon Dance of Doom, more commonly known as "kill-you-with-my-brain no jutsu". They gave it their absolute best effort, though.

Velorien · Dec 22, 2016

That is some expert archive-delving/recall. Hat's off to you, sir.

(Obviously, can neither confirm nor deny.)

Edit:

ChronOblivion said:
"Someday," said the Boy-Who-Lived, "when the distant descendants of Homo sapiens are looking back over the history of the galaxy and wondering how it all went so wrong, they will conclude that the original mistake was when someone taught Hermione Granger how to read."

Yep, reference identified.

Jello_Raptor · Dec 22, 2016

Shneddly said:
I'm still worried about the valve, since a failure mode for that is that it opens completely, either by human error or mechanical failure, and BOOM SQUISH I TOLD YOU STINKERS.

We make the valve small enough that air can't rush in that fast. Remember it's just a fluid, nothing we do will get air to pressures where it'll autoignite.

Shneddly said:
Thinking forward, we still need some way to release the air in a non-explosive manner, if we want to reuse the seals.

Drop the seal in an invincible container and release it there. Open the valve to slowly equalize pressure without causing an explosion. You could also use the generated jet for thrust.

Velorien said:
"If I was going to ask you out on a date, I'd pick a place I thought would make you happy, not one that would make you sad."

Yes! Smooth save, Kurosawa Hazō. You can totally do this flirting thing.

Yup, smooth.

Velorien said:
Keiko gave him a contemplative look.

"No. No no no. Don't even think about it. There is nothing in this world more troublesome than women."

Bahah, you have no idea what she's thinking do you Nara?

Velorien said:
"Hazō, of course I know. Noburi knows. Keiko knows. Pandā knows. The only person who doesn't know is Kagome, and that's because he thinks romance is a form of undefined behaviour and treats it accordingly."

D'aww. That's an adorable description of Kagome. This had me laughing out loud.

Velorien said:
"You were being enthusiastic at a Nara. That is poor manners. Your energy levels to a Nara are like Rock Lee's energy levels to you.

*snnrk*

Velorien said:
"Being a missing-nin is more like being a civilian than a village ninja."

@Velorien: This entire sequence is so well written. Thank you.

Velorien said:
Crap crap crap. What was he supposed to say next? What would Noburi say?

"If I was going to ask you out on a date, I'd pick a place I thought would make you happy, not one that would make you sad."

Yes! Smooth save, Kurosawa Hazō. You can totally do this flirting thing.

This is the flirting thing, right?

Actually, is this flirting? I'm genuinely not sure.

Velorien said:
Yamanaka's mouth was open slightly, and her pupils were wide. Hazō's intuition was giving him a distinct sense of "something important is about to happen".

Well, Ino's just made a decision.

Velorien said:
They both turned to see Nara's reaction.

Nara was busy rummaging through his equipment pouch.

"Do that again. I need to take notes."

Sure, some points that are particularly important:

Trust is very important, if there is asymmetric trust between parties this mode of communication is easily exploited. If neither party trusts each other, it devolves into less efficient modes of communication.
Similarly, it behooves you to be honest otherwise it breaks down due to trust issues.

Velorien said:
"Hazō, I am concerned that the amount of time and energy you invest in making lists and talking about them reflects a growing addiction. I do not believe that an addiction would reflect on you as a person in any way, but if it negatively impacts on your well-being, then I would like to offer whatever assistance I can in helping you break the habit. I request that you set aside some time to reflect on whether you may be a list addict, and also consider seeking advice from more qualified individuals such as Inoue-sensei. I wish to reiterate that I do not consider such an addiction a failure of character, but rather an unfortunate illness which would benefit from swift treatment lest the symptoms intensify and cause you suffering."

@Velorien: Are you trying to tell us something?

Velorien said:
Or maybe you want to make this poly, and bring in Ino or some other girl you meet, and embrace the glorious complications that result?"

Well, @eaglejarl is happy. We also have in character confirmation that the elemental nations know about polyamory.

Velorien said:
"Well, Hazō, if you don't know where you're headed, I can't tell you how to get there. But I can give you some general pointers.

"Be honest about your feelings. With yourself. With her. Don't play games. Adults spend all their time playing games, and then we end up alone with broken hearts and wonder what went wrong.

"You're in a difficult, unstable situation. She's in hospital and she's unhappy. You have to make a call—will hearing your feelings now help her or hurt her? Be sensitive to her mood. Don't throw all this at her when she's not ready, but don't miss the moment either. In love, timing is everything.

"Whether you talk to her now or later, talk to her. Don't make it a declaration. You two are smart, mature for your age, and already close friends. You can work out the best way to move forwards together.

"Don't assume you have to figure everything out straight away, or that the form your relationship takes now needs to be the form it'll always have. You're going to grow, both of you, and your feelings will change, again and again, and you don't have get it all right first time round.

"Oh, and don't rush the physical stuff, either. That gets real complicated real fast, and generally teenage girls will want to take it slower than you expect.

Hah, all of this is genuinely good advice, even for the real world.

Velorien said:
"That… should do for now. In short, be honest, pay attention to her feelings, and don't make assumptions about anything. And take advice from anybody called 'Heartbreaker' with a pinch of salt."

Noted.

Velorien said:
As Hazō went off to rejoin the group, he briefly heard Inoue-sensei mutter, "Damn, this is going to get me disqualified for sure".

She's betting with Asuma or Gai about our ships!

Velorien said:
"Oh, it was great! Yakushi-sensei put a lot of effort into making sure I didn't do anything that might be dangerous with my chakra system the way it is, and he asked me a bunch of questions about how I was settling in, and whether my teammates were OK. Keiko, he was particularly curious about you and Kagome, since you were so on edge when we first met him."

Nobby, him being careful about not stressing your chakra system was him figuring out exactly what your chakra system did.

Velorien said:
spiralling pattern.

"What is this, exactly?"

"Oh, Solution Five-One-Seven Alpha," Dr Yakushi said casually, glancing briefly from Hazō's hand to his face.

"Is that anything special?"

"Not at all. Merely a random medical reagent of which we happen to be in short supply.

"That should do, Kurosawa. Thank you very much. If you are here to see Ishihara, please feel free to go."

And there is the blatant test of our abilities. Anyone want to bet that we did that entire thing in a room wired to the gills with sensory equipment?

Velorien said:
"You did?!" Akane leaned forward, then winced. "You and Rock Lee, fist to fist, immersed in the Springtime of Youth… oh, I really wish I'd been there to see it. What was it like?"

It was immense and powerful. His mighty thrusts and feints brought us to our knees.

Velorien said:
"He really said that?" Akane's peals of laughter rang out like crystal bells. "That's wonderful! It's just like when he was giving a taijutsu demonstration to the Academy finalists, and he talked about pouring the seeds of youth into Uchiha Sasuke through the outflowing of his manly spirit—in front of the whole class! Oh, you should have seen the fangirls!"

Oh Lee. I really hope you're doing this on purpose. Otherwise Gai's having a huge laugh at your expense.

Velorien said:
"Nobody knows," Akane admitted. "There are rumours going around that he's secretly a master of deception with an unbreakable façade, and that this is why he was put in a team with not just Hyūga Neji but Tenten herself… but you get rumours like that about all sorts of people. The one before that was about our year's Nara, Shikamaru, being a once-in-a-generation genius who'd finished the Academy's advanced tactics classes when he was eight just so he'd have more free periods to nap in."

You know, that one seems pretty plausible.

Velorien said:
Hazō found himself considering the situation analytically. "Why can't the wild cabbage exsanguinate the goat?"

"It's the bone armour. I've heard it's thinner on domesticated goats because they get bred for wool and milk first, but it's still enough to protect them from common predators."

Ahh, Call a Smeerp a Rabbit at its finest.

@Velorien, @eaglejarl: You do realize that by further removing our ability to rely on our intuitions, even when you use real world animal and plant names, we're going to have to write longer plans, with more contingencies.

Velorien said:
"If that expansion for Sealing Failure is out already, the one with the new ANBU investigators and special clue tokens, I'd love to see it. Or the solo play expansion for Civilian Burger. But if they're too expensive, please don't worry."

Hazō waved her concern away. He'd find money for at least some of these things somewhere, even if he had to refine his Jiraiya-wrangling skills to perfection before he could do it.

Oooh. More boardgames.

Velorien said:
"Now you might think that's where the story ends. After all, as soon as Hyūga recovers, he's going to go right for me, and I won't be able to dodge in the water. But you've underestimated me just like he did.

Velorien said:
"But they don't call me Iron Will Wakahisa for nothing. I master Hyūga's chakra. I dominate it and take full control. And just in the nick of time, because Hyūga's found his feet.

@Velorien: I like how you're made it clear that Nobby is a good storyteller, but would be a much better one if his ego weren't so large.

Velorien said:
Gai had put an arm around Sarutobi's shoulders in a comradely fashion, and Sarutobi seemed about as happy about this as one might expect.

Sarutobi: Just think about what Kakashi deals with, and have an epiphany about why he acts the way he does.

Velorien said:
Neji was on the verge of throwing himself at Noburi, while Noburi's face and body language said louder than words, "Aww, aren't you cute, trying to intimidate me like a big boy?"

Hah.

Velorien said:
Tenten had perched herself down on the arm of the sofa next to Keiko.

More fodder for the shipping chart.

Velorien said:
And Rock Lee? Rock Lee was advancing on Hazō with an unhealthy (or possibly too healthy) gleam in his eye.

"So," Hazō nearly screamed, "who wants to play some very youthful board games?!"

More fodder for the shipping chart.

Velorien said:
Granted, at least he hadn't ended up with Lee, but Nara managed to occupy the exact opposite end of the motivation spectrum. It would take the most brilliant of insights to come up with a way to make his partner stop drifting off to sleep and fight for real.

"You know," Hazō observed offhandedly, "the sooner we win this, the sooner you can go home."

Nara clenched his hand into a fist. "Let's crush them."

I'm wondering why Nara didn't realize that losing quickly would also achieve his goals.

Velorien said:
Keiko and Tenten nodded to each other expressionlessly and sat down side by side in a mirrored motion.

I'm half expecting them to end up in each other's laps by the end of the day.

Velorien said:
Inoue-sensei shifted closer to Gai on the sofa.

"Don't worry," she purred, "I have a firm grasp of strategy."

"Then I'm sure you'll appreciate my most youthful moves."

More fodder for the shipping chart.

Velorien said:
Hazō looked on helplessly as Team Keiten's lone ninja slaughtered the Hazamaru army one by one by one. (It had been decided to use first names after nobody in the room was able to combine "Hyūga and Wakahisa" into something non-awful.)

"How are you rolling all those sixes?" he pleaded.

"Probability is overrated," Tenten replied enigmatically, toppling another Hazamaru figure with a flick of her fingertip.

"Inoue-sensei Teaching no. 34," Keiko added, "if you see a single ninja facing your full team and looking like they know something you don't, run."

Velorien said:
"Forget Keiten," Hazō said quietly to Nara. "It's Leeno that we need to take out first. With Chosuma wiped out in the west, they're going to grow into a serious threat if we let them."

Aww, how considerate. @Velorien is even taking the time to name our ships for us.

Velorien said:
"Yes. And besides, thinking about it, even if I like her that way, that doesn't mean she likes me back."

"Mizukage's oozing thornbush of a haircut," Inoue-sensei said under her breath, "we do have a lot of work to do."

Oh boy Hazou, you are as blind as a bat.

@eaglejarl, @Velorien: Is this the sort of thing that he'll get better at once we up his diplomacy or deception?

Velorien said:
It was then that Mari understood. Whether it was a year from now, or ten, one day the Mizukage would decide she was no longer useful. He would raise his hand and snuff her out, instantly, without a struggle, and if there was anything left alive after that, it would not be Inoue Mari.

Right, we're murdering Yagura at some point. It doesn't have to be soon, but we should do it.

OliWhail said:
WELL HI THERE KUROSAWA "INFOSEC IS A KIND OF NOODLE DISH, RIGHT?" HAZOU, THANKS FOR STOPPING BY.

Yup. Hazou, Akane, Keiko, and Noburi are all atrocious at infosec.

Muer'ci said:
Who's Chogi?

Langevin said:
Edit: @Jello_Raptor, you forgot Mari <> Hazou, Keiko <> Hazou (in their own special robotic way), and Mari <> Kagome (or Kagome c3 Mari c3 Leaf).

Edited in the fixes. Thanks for pointing them out.

Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

Handsome Gentleperson

Cabbitus Maximus

(Confirmed Jelly)

(slouching towards bethlehem)

(Confirmed Jelly)