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MakeAmericaSaneAgain. A 2016 political campaign.

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Droman said:
Here's a shitty little ditty election rap for you. Pretend LL Cool J is doing the bulk with Chamillionaire and Rock just popping up. Full disclosure though, I don't listen to rap and I've never heard any of those three men musically.

*shudder* I need to stick to Quest Writing.

Now this is the story all about how,
My life got flipped, turned upside down
Please let me explain, just sit with me
And hear how I became a campaign manager for George Pataki

Smoking, not joking and there came the call
Went asked if I could run with the ball
To take my main man all the way with a game plan

Now no lying, no fronting, especially not here,
But when I said yes, man I needed a beer

Pataki's old school, real school, all class, no sass,
But I ain't a fool, not even an ass,
Btween Jeb and Scott we'll be fighting a lot,
And that's leaving aside all the other little toddler tots.

Tying with Carly makes me want to toke up with Marly,
Cruz's got me wishing I could trade with ICarly,
Little Marky's malfunctioning,
Big Chris is food-functioning,
Mrs. Graham is Chicken Littlin',
And that's leaving aside all the other Zero-Star Michelins

But if we talking no class, if we spotting an ass,
Then who's there around, but Mr. Orange Spray Tan?

(Chamillion Starts)

Little Donny from New York, about as trashy as Norfolk,
What's to say that hasn't been about that has-been, man?

All Ego, All Flash,
Bad Business, Crooked Cash
Little Hands, Little Man
Running Up In Here With No Plan,
Just Because He's His Only Own Fan.

(Chamillion finishes)

So take a step back, and just look at the cracks,
In these glasshouses they be throwing stones at.

Now Pataki's not perfect,
But he's the man of the hour, he can't go sour,
He's not lemons or lime,
But compared to everyone else?
He's simply sublime.

(Rock pops up)

Can ya SMELL What Pataki's Cookin'?

Dunno, maybe blame it on Parker or have it be an ironic rap some fan tries to make like Obama Girl or whatever.
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I love it. 10 points.
 
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What did we do last night?
  • Threadmarks
    • You slowly haul yourself upright. Your suit is stained green from the grass you (assume) you passed out onto. It feels like you've set of a goddamn firecracker in your head. Where the fuck are you? You go to brush down your pants until you realise, you aren't wearing pants. Where the fuck are your pants?!

    Oh. Wait. There they are. They are stuck in a tree. Because that makes sense. As you haul your body over towards the tree where you your pants are (or at least you think they're your pants), you notice someone else passed out on the grass. It's…..some kind of lump of muscle and bad tattoos. It's Dwayne. As you pull your badly damaged pants back on (yep, they're yours, too cheap for The Rock), you jab him with a foot. He groans, but nothing else happens. Well….at least he isn't dead. You feel your jacket out, pulling a cigar out and lighting up, letting the smoke push some of the fog and pain from your mind. Fuck that's a good cigar. Rubbing your temples you pull your phone out of it's pocket. You've got…

    Christ on a bike! Sixty messages? The fuck did you do last night? You check the first one. It's…..Harry? The fuck is he doing sending you a message at…..9pm last night? It just says 'Twitter. Now.' Goddamit you need to have a talk with Harry about including some goddamn context in his messages. First 'It begins' and now this? You seriously need to get that shit sorted out…

    Groaning, you check the others. A bunch more from Harry, a few from Mama, one fro-nope. Deleting that. You don't need that to see that image. Shaking your head, you step over Dwayne's unconscious (and shirtless) body, making your way back to the house, and going back to your messages. A few more from Cool J, one from….Chamillionaire? Sent at…..shit, at 12? What the fuck was the time?

    You check the clock on your phone and groan inwardly. It was past noon! It was like you'd learned nothing from college. Damn it Peter! Get your shit together! Falling into a soft couch, you open up your Twitter feed. You hate that damn bird. Looking around as it loads up, this place is kind of a mess. You see two musclebound guys splayed out across a table. What happened to them? As you look around the room, you do kind of get a picture of what happened. There are a lot of empty liquor bottles strewn around the place. God damn. You remember drinking maybe one or two bottles, not…..this.

    You briefly consider the passed out men in the room. They look...musclebound. Huge, even. Huge and goddamn scary. And then you spot it. Or rather. Her. Jeanie is looking rather blissed out, sandwiched between two of them if anyone knows what the crap you got up to last night, it'd be her. You briefly consider waking her up, but then realise you should check twitter. Harry said it was important, and he's rarely wrong about these things.

    And then you open Twitter, and your jaw hits the floor. You really need to get used to that. Maybe see a dentist or something.

    "Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) Pathetic Pataki doesn't understand business, or how to be a success. Back a proven winner! #Trump2016'

    "George E. Pataki (@GovernorPataki) Can I back you in Trump Taj Mahal chips? I'm sure you've got plenty leftover. Maybe Trump castle chips? Plenty of those as well. If your debtors didn't take them."

    "Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) George Pataki is just jealous of my success and doesn't understand how business works. SAD. #Trump2016'

    "George E. Pataki (@GovernorPataki) Why would I be jealous of driving six companies into chapter 11. I drove New York OUT of bankruptcy! #Pataki2016"

    "Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) You ran New York into the ground! Only strong leadership from someone who understands business can Make America Great Again! #MAGA #Trump2016"

    "George E. Pataki (@GovernorPataki) I ran New York during 9/11. I've got the strongest record of leadership in this race. I saved our finances and rebuilt New York. You bankrupted six companies. #Pataki2016"

    "Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) You sold out New York workers to big business, No economic recovery under Pathetic Pataki! Only Donald J. Trump will make America great Again #MAGA"

    "George E. Pataki (@GovernorPataki) Jobs and wages grew every year I was Governor of New York. I put People Before Politics, you put profits before workers. You hired illegals to build your apartments. SAD. #PeopleBeforePolitics #Pataki2016"

    "Scott Walker (@ScottWalker) I fought off corrupt union bosses, instead of kowtowing to them like Lazy Liberal Pataki and Bankrupt Businessman Donald Trump! #VoteWalker #MAGA"

    "George E. Pataki (@GovernorPataki) I boosted our credit rating, boosted our economy, and brought New York unions in line without wasting my time in political fights #Pataki2016 #MakeAmericaSaneAgain"

    "Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) Don't try and steal my slogan, like you stole Wisconson's finances, Walker! America needs true leadership, not tired, worn out corporate shills! #MAGA #Trump2016!"

    "George E. Pataki (@GovernorPataki) Don't try that on me, Trump. I'm not some illegal immigrant you can browbeat into submission. I led New York through 9/11. I'm not easily beat. #PeopleBeforePolitics #Pataki2016"

    You stop reading. God Dammit, of course the one night of the year you get blind drunk Pataki gets in a huge twitter fight You're startled by a huge bald bear groaning and rising to his feet. "What the hell happened last night?" You blink. You've never seen a bald bear.

    "Fucked if I know. It looks like we all got smashed, though. Who the hell are you, anyways?" He looks slightly confused by this statement, dusting himself off, he's wearing what looks like an American flag.

    "I'm Steve Austin. Aren't you that latino guy?" You clench your cigar between your teeth, grimacing. You hated being called Latino. Because you weren't! Your parents were Basque, and you were a goddamn American.

    "No I'm actually Basque-American. I'm as Latino as you, big guy." You explain to the giant shaved bear. He grunts at that. You open up your phone again. What the hell happened? As you check your phone again, you cringe.

    So that's what happened!

    Yeah, you are deleting these. You don't want these getting out. This could destroy the campaign!

    (Pataki has first big fight with Donald Trump, met several prominent wrestlers, got really, really drunk. Acquired. Grass damaged Suit-top. Badly damaged suit pants.)
     
  • Threadmarks
    • Solution!

    Less drinking and smok-

    Phhhahahaha!

    I couldn't even finish it.

    Next time, have a minder who isn't a drinker, or much of anything fun or interesting.

    Parker.

    I'm talking about that Parker kid. Best be useful for something. Even if it's doing what he does best. Being a Buzzkill.
     
    Eurocorp said:
    I love that random Walker interrupt.
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    I like how he got smacked down almost instantly. Pataki pointing his lie and Trump pointing out his background.

    "And so the tale when two old giants fought ontop the Mountain of Tweets. It was a vicious fight, no quarter was given, with the exception when a little knight tried to challenge both of them. As one the two giants turned and kicked him off the peak and immediately went back to fighting."
     
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    Whatever the Super PAC does, I want the papers to read this:

    "WALKER WALKS THE PLANK, DROPS OUT"
     
    Can we make sure to brush this off?Please?

    I can feel someone like walker or trump, or the democrats snooiping into our buisness to find something bad.

    Campaign manager getting smashed is definetly bad.
     
    it's not that bad, people get drunk all the time I don't see the issue besides with SUPER MEGA EXTREME MINORITY religious who think alcohol is sinful and should be banned.

    what happened while drunk is another matter
     
    or spin it towards easygoing memes


     
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    Cybandeath said:
    it's not that bad, people get drunk all the time I don't see the issue besides with SUPER MEGA EXTREME MINORITY religious who think alcohol is sinful and should be banned.

    what happened while drunk is another matter
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    This? If it leaks out, no publicity is bad publicity. It shows a campaign which isn't JUST ancient white men in backrooms!

    Of course we can't flaunt it without sending the wrong message, but partying hard with celebrities isn't a problem.
     
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