We lingered in that moment for what seemed an eternity, our fingers nearly intertwined, everything too much.
"Marie? Marie, are you okay?" I heard Jane ask, and I wanted to tell her yes or no or anything at all but the words just wouldn't come. "Marie?"
I finally managed, with titanic effort, to shake my head no, to squeeze her fingers in a desperate bid for comfort. But then fingers withdrew, the only thing keeping me centered, and I feared she was leaving.
But then, in a rustle of fabric, I felt her arms gently but firmly wrap around my shoulders, and Miss Polestar… Jane, pulled me into a hug.
I must admit a level of unfamiliarity with the sensations that followed. This was, after all, my first ever hug. But I have never felt so grounded, my body pressed into Jane's, one of her hands slowly running up and down my spine, the other splayed against the join between my torso and neck, cradling me against her and allowing her head to rest atop my own.
All that existed in that moment was her touch against me, the gentle rush of her breath through my hair and the heat of her skin against my own.
After what could only have been thirty seconds or so, I felt Jane's grip on me beginning to loosen. I will not repeat the noise I made in response to that realisation, I doubt I could transcribe it, but it made her pull me close once again, and this time, I did not freeze in her embrace. My hands tentatively gripped at her dress as I hid my face in her shoulder, and I could not stop the shaking that wracked my body, something that only prompted Jane to tighten her grip.
Looking back, I find I cannot accurately describe the time that passed in that embrace. My internal chronometer tells me that it lasted no longer than five minutes, but to me, it was as if infinity stretched away from us, allowing me to stay in that precious moment as long as necessary.
When at last, that shaking ceased, and I felt like an individual once more, I relaxed into her. I allowed myself to become grounded, safe in the embrace of my precious Miss.
But as is said, and repeated so often all throughout literature; "all good things must come to an end." Slowly, carefully, Jane drew back, and at that moment of parting, passed one last gift to me through her actions. A mere brush of her lips against my forehead, and I could not help the sigh that escaped me at the contact. Reactivating my cameras, I looked up to see tears glimmering in her eyes.
"Are you okay? Do I need to fetch… should I call Tom? What's wrong? If you can." Jane asked, short, halting sentences.
"I…" I did my best to compose my sentence carefully, mentally rehearsing each word, and it was easier now to get them to my speakers, "I am okay, now."
"Okay. Okay, I… I think it is my turn to not know what to say…" Jane said, a smile on her face. "You had me worried."
"It isn't that I don't know… It is that I can't. Like the words won't make it there." I explained haltingly. It was shameful, that I would lose so basic an ability, but Jane… Miss Polestar simply nodded in understanding, just like that.
"Okay. How can I help?" she asked earnestly.
"I just… need time, sometimes. I think." I said. "To process. I fear my thoughts sometimes get lost on their way to my speakers. Perhaps there is some sort of short in my processor when it comes to certain inputs?"
"I wouldn't know. I barely understand my own brain." Jane replied. "Though I well understand thoughts getting lost. It just seems for me they always find their way to my tongue instead."
I could not help the giggle that escaped me at that. It was very true!
"Thank you, Miss Polestar." I replied, and her hand found mine again.
"I think, in a setting like this? You may call me Jane, if you wish." she said. "But, only if you wish. I'm not saying you must… I just…"
"Thank you, Jane." I said. Saying her name aloud for the first time felt strange, I had been calling her 'Miss Polestar' for all of my short life, after all. That strangeness, however, felt right in a way I have difficulty describing.
"...I mean, it's only fair. You haven't even got a last name I could use, it isn't right. That is strange, now that I think of it?"
"We haven't families to have family names for, Jane." I said, testing out saying her name again. It felt more natural this time. "Though… I have heard that some machines use their purposes in that way. I personally think it's just redundant."
"And besides, I think calling you Miss Marie Maid seems… strange. Perhaps the machines on the crew would not object to being given the house's name?"
"I don't think they would much care for it, most of them at least." I said. In their own way, they were a proud lot. I, on the other hand... I wouldn't mind in the least.
"I suppose. I've never really considered it before is all." she said. That made sense: I understood the proper order of things was that machines were to be as unobtrusive and invisible to humans as possible, even if we had quite thoroughly dashed that order.
"You have been focused on other matters." I said. "Like Mister Lovelace…"
"Oh… yes, he has rather occupied my thoughts." Jane said dreamily, and I did not have to feign happiness for her in this moment. "He is… I've known him in passing for years, but only ever as little Toby, tagging along with his sister. Though I suppose he is only five minutes younger than Tabby? He always seemed so shy and strange, especially in comparison to Tabbycat, who has always been very…"
"Tabby." you summarized.
"Exactly! But somewhere along the way Toby has truly… I'm not sure what, but I've never met a man like him. Even though he seems… rather distracted, sometimes? I still feel like I understand him better than any other man I've talked to. If that makes sense? It doesn't really, does it?"
"I'm afraid not, but I've never had the experience of understanding a man myself."
"Right? But that's the thing, he's just… easy to talk to. It feels like there's no game afoot, if you will, like I am speaking to an old friend instead of engaged in the social dance with some potential suitor and his constellation of ambitions. Perhaps growing up around his sister has given him some rare insight into how to talk to a woman like a human being. And… he has quite the taste in novels."
"Miss!" I exclaimed. Such scandal!
"It's important to share hobbies! In any case, he is a delight, though I must again apologize for the way I have behaved around you and in regards to him. I've been simply awful."
"It has not been easy, but I think you're rather overstating things. Mr. Lovelace sounds like quite a mitigating factor!" I said, but Jane shook her head, her stubbornness shining through.
"That doesn't make it better. I imagine I did not give a good first impression of him, and further, I should know better, try to be more understanding of the feelings of others. I don't want to be as bad as Mr Fullmore!"
"Miss, you would have to try exceptionally hard to reach such depths." I said, and Jane graced me once more with her laugh. "I'll be sure to warn you if you begin acting in a Fullmorian fashion, however."
Pausing, Jane's eyes grew wide, fresh tears appearing in her eyes. "I'm glad."
---
Well… that was fraught, but it went really well! You have such affection for Marie, and you're so glad she's staying. And moreover… you were glad that she was not opposed to being friends. That was fraught, still, with her employment with you, and as soon as you had a spare moment, you'd try to work out a more reasonable arrangement, but… you were so busy!
Dearest Toby has sent you another invitation, and you could not deny a small measure of excitement at it. Perhaps a large measure. Very large!
He had invited you to join him, Tabby as well, and mentioned your maids ought to come along. Could he be about to propose? Witnesses would be ideal for such an event, though he has always been more comfortable away from crowds.
[ ] A picnic, how delightful! There's a short path carved in the rainforest to a clearing, and we shall make a small hike there. You'll try not to bore Marie to death as you walk, but the wildlife in the area is just so interesting!
[ ] There is a small restaurant in the town nearby, and Toby has booked the entire building for us to have lunch together undisturbed. The restaurant also boasts a series of exotic teas made from local produce, and Marie would be thrilled to be able to sample such things with you.
[ ] As part of Haragrem-2's terraforming process, a comet is being towed into the atmosphere. Toby has promised that it is to be a spectacular sight from the safety of one of the family yachts, and you cannot imagine better people to view it with.
