Though I had some time to write on the carriage journey to Miss Lovelace's manor, it is only now that I am getting to transcribe the events of the night, and I do so with a mix of trepidation, concern, and frustration. There are too many feelings pulling in too many directions, but that does seem to be my lot in life.
Despite my… misgivings with not simply jumping to the most exciting parts of the evening, I feel I must start at the beginning, simply so it makes more sense when looking back.
We began by boarding a carriage to the estate, a quite lovely affair pulled along by a pair of tracked engines, should they have to go off the ill-finished roads. We loaded Miss Polestar's baggage, and we were all set to leave when I realized that Miss Polestar was holding the door open for me.
"Janey, come on, don't delay. The party is already in full swing! We have another carriage coming for your staff."
"If it's all the same, Tabbycat, Marie comes with me most everywhere." Miss Polestar responded, offering a hand to help pull me into the carriage, which had quite the ground clearance. I stumbled a little over the stairs up, but with Miss Polestar's steadying hand on my arm I was soon safely aboard, and we were rumbling down the road.
"Is that so, Janey?"
"Why of course. She's really quite indispensable. I don't quite know how I got by without her!"
Unused to such praise and unsure what to do in the confines of the carriage, I found myself trying to be very small in the corner of the cab, attempting not to blush too visibly.
"I see, she sounds extremely dear to you." I swear I could see an amused smile on Miss Lovelace's face. She was enjoying watching my struggle to hide my embarrassment at the praise!
"We even spar, you know. She's becoming quite good with the sabre, if you can believe it."
"She sounds like such fun. Unlike my Milly."
"I can hear you, you know." Said a voice from the driver's seat of the carriage, sounding a strange mix of put-upon, amused, and Scottish.
"Of course, Milly! So tell me, how has your quest gone so far?"
Miss Polestar launched into a retelling of her trials and tribulations over the last three weeks, with Miss Lovelace following her every word with the utmost attention. At Miss Polestar's insistence, I offered some of my own commentary on a few events, including my unfiltered opinions on Mr. Fullmore.
"What about you, Tabby? I'm sure you must have suitors breaking down your door by the dozens." Miss Polestar asked.
"I'm in no particular rush, you could say." Miss Lovelace responded, her smile unwavering. "Personally, I was a bit shocked to see how fully you've thrown yourself into this. Still plan on seeing the galaxy?"
"Of course, I shall just do so as a married woman is all." Miss Polestar responded confidently.
Finally, we came into sight of the manor, which was truly one of the most impressive sights I had seen thus far. The world is, as I'd mentioned, quite unstable, and so the entire manor seemed to be built as though on stilts, great neoclassical columns holding the building up above the threat of geological instability or rushing waters. Many of the windows were thrown open and lights danced inside.
"Looks lively." Miss Polestar commented.
"Believe me, the party has just begun."
---
This is when I discovered the affair was completely unsupervised, in mixed company, and was altogether a bad idea. As we stepped through the front door, I was immediately confronted with the sight of a table of alcohol and young men and women in the ballroom dancing quite a bit more closely than I think anyone might consider respectable, and I simply had to say something.
"This seems… lively." I said, trying to be diplomatic.
"Relax, my dear Marie. Mum and dad are fine with it as long as we have Milly here to supervise."
I glanced to Milly, who just shook her head sadly.
"I see. Miss Polestar, a word if you would?" I asked, and I stepped into a side room with my charge.
"What's the matter, Marie?"
"This is a den of sin." I said, unable to contain it any longer.
"Come off it, Marie. I know she's a lot, but I've known Tabitha for half my life at this point. She's loud and bold and harmless, and I can't imagine she's changed so much in the three months since we left school.
"Miss Polestar, need I ask you to look around at this… this… debauchery? Assess truly in this moment if your mother would be okay with you being here."
Miss Polestar frowned a moment, pouted, and then glanced around conspiratorially, as if looking for anyone observing.
"Marie, my mother would be scandalized. But she is also the reason I am out here looking to get married instead of exploring the stars. I am a very nearly nineteen year old woman, and I can make my own choices." she said, voice wavering but unbroken. "I'm going to go catch up with my best friend, and I am going to have a good time without much care for propriety today. And I think you should do the same. We will have plenty of time to be respectable tomorrow."
I was not prepared for that, caught in a moment between frustration with my charge's lack of concern and my admiration for her stand. As I hesitated, Miss Polestar seemed to take that as an opening to continue.
"Look, if it makes you feel better, I promise I won't get too close to the boys, let alone kiss one of them. Will that put your mind at ease?"
"I think it shall." I said.
---
Things spiraled fairly rapidly out of control soon after. Miss Polestar was welcomed by her peers with hugs and cheers, and true to her word, she did not get close to any of the boys other than to greet Miss Lovelace's twin brother, Tobias, with a smile.
Mister Lovelace was much like his sister in appearance, just as small and red-headed and freckled, though he wore glasses and quite obviously lacked her curves. He seemed somewhat nervous, when we met, and it would seem it was his peers who were making up the masculine contingent in the group.
I lingered a while at the edge of the room to ensure nothing untoward would immediately break out, but then I decided to back away before the music had too much of an effect and join my fellows, a number of whom had annexed an unused sitting room for cards and other distractions. A small phonograph played a much more agreeable tune, a summer melody that made me feel warm and secure, and a haze drifted through the room carrying the aroma of fresh pine. It was an altogether agreeable space.
I fell in quickly with a circle of maids accompanying the ladies at the party, and we engaged in brisk games of whist while discussing the… scene, outside. Quite a few of them were no more pleased with the events than I, though others seemed much more lax and insisted I give the young misses some room to breathe.
"The poor dears are under a great deal of pressure, between suitors and college admissions and businesses and whatever else." one of them, Marion, assured me, while simultaneously playing a much superior trick and quite handily taking the game. "A little wild behaviour won't hurt."
"I'm skeptical." I said, and my closest ally in these matters thus far, a fellow Marie who sported a fetching silver rose worked in her hair (hence her moniker, Rosemarie), nodded in agreement.
"Of course you are. You are also very young. This is my third generation of young miss, and I'll tell you, they have always been like this. Humans need propriety to keep them on the straight and narrow, but I will tell you, the Creator did not make them for it! If they don't have a little room to make mistakes, they shall find ways to make bigger ones, mark my words."
Rosemarie's objection to this characterization was matched with a story about Marion's first job some century before and I will admit, compared to that, I was suddenly much less worried about Miss Polestar. Surely, she would have far more sense than that!
But, just to be certain, I ducked out at the conclusion of the game to check on my miss in the ballroom.
I was not halfway there when I encountered Miss Lovelace, bustling through the halls energetically. Her face lit up when she saw me, and she beckoned me closer and into a side room.
"Just the machine I wanted to see! Marie, Marie… I simply must ask you something." she said, treating me altogether too familiarly. I was, I'll admit, quite uncomfortable.
"Yes, miss?" I asked, sitting in the chair opposite and trying not to appear too nervous.
"So how long have you and my dear Janey been…" she trailed off, clearly expecting an answer, and I did not quite know what.
"Just over three weeks, I think." I said.
"Oh, wonderful! And so recent, no wonder you were reluctant to part. I'll admit, I was not expecting this of her, but something was bound to break the illusion for her." she said, looking askew at me. "Of course, just look at you, no wonder."
I shuffled uncomfortably in the chair, feeling altogether out of my depths.
"I must say I don't know what exactly it is that you're talking about, Miss." I said.
"Oh, of course. Your secret's safe with me, don't you worry about that!" she said, leaning in conspiratorially. I shook my head.
"No, I mean, I actually do not understand. This has been very confusing." I admitted. "To what illusion do you refer?"
Miss Lovelace's face went through a parade of emotions, none of which I was much able to read. I find it difficult at the best of times, even when they are not flashing by in a kinetoscope of expressions.
"Why, to her sapphic tendencies, of course. Her preference for the company of women which she spent so very many years steadily ignoring. That she is, to conserve words on the matter, a lesbian." Miss Lovelace said cheerfully.
"She… I… I'll ask you not to make such accusations about my Miss!" I said, my voice rising somewhat out of control by the end of the sentence. The confusion I had at the scene had become a confusion within myself, at how I felt about such a thing, about why this was happening, but I simply could not let someone say such things so boldly!
For her part, it appeared it was Miss Lovelace's turn to be confused.
"Accusation… Marie, there's nothing wrong with it. At least, I hope. Heaven knows I'm damned if there is, and believe me, I spent quite a few years trying to get Janey to join me in sin."
I sat, struck dumb, as Miss Lovelace continued her monologe.
"But alas, she is, and I say this with the utmost affection, the most intelligent idiot I have ever met, capable of such depths of incredible ignorance that their exploration would be impossible without, at the very least, a diving suit and some lead weights. Any attempts I made at seduction was the romantic equivalent of flirting with a wall, and believe me, I did far better than any of the boys who have thrown themselves at her in that time." She settled back in her chair, sighing, "You truly did not know this? I thought for certain… Oh, I feel terrible now, though I question how you haven't noticed."
We sat in silence for a while. I was not sure what to say or how to react. A great part of me wished to flee and disappear, mortified, perhaps even angry at the impudence with which Miss Lovelace spoke of Miss Polestar. But there were other impulses that were stronger.
"I do believe I have noticed. But I dismissed it." I said, finally. "- as wishful thinking."
"Oh, my dear Marie-" she began.
"Please do not call me that. I am not yours. Your anything." I responded. It had ground upon my gears long enough, and I was still upset with her.
"Of course, my apologies." she said, nodding sympathetically. "I suppose… I suppose I may be wrong after all. Can you forgive my indiscretions?"
"I don't think my forgiveness much matters to you, does it?" I asked. I felt strangely ill, as if I could not find my balance somehow . "I apologize, that was rude of me. I feel rather backed into a corner."
Outside, I could hear voices and footsteps approaching, a young woman calling Miss Lovelace's name.
"Of course. Good luck, Marie." she said, and then she ducked out of the door and, I believe, into the arms of one of her drunken friends. Well… 'friends'. I took a few more minutes to center myself, to recall how to keep my balance, and I pressed on towards the ballroom and my charge.
I arrived to see a game of Forfeits in full swing, it appeared. In the center of the room was a pile of personal items: bags, hats, watches, pendants, and at least a few items of clothing, and the most recent participant was just dismounting the chair, a young man who had reclaimed his timepiece through a method which may be related to the absolutely extravagant face of makeup he was now adorned with. I'll admit, I found it amusing as he showed off his parody of fashion to his friends.
"Don't I just look diviiiiine?" he said, retrieving a glass left on a table and throwing it back. "Now, I propose Miss Polestar follow my perfect performance!"
Oh dear.
Miss Polestar stepped nervously up to the seat and sat, looking around the room. One young man who I believe I recognized as Miss Lovelace's twin brother Tobias stood behind the chair, dangling her reading glasses between his fingers. The nervous disposition I had noted when I first saw him had vanished, presumably borne away on a tide of liquor.
"Alright friends, if Miss Polestar ever wishes to read her precious books ever again she shall have to impress!" Mister Lovelace announced, interrupted by continual laughter and a few cheers. "Any ideas?"
"Three questions!"
"Let's see her dance!"
"Break a glass! Do it!"
"Kiss somebody! Whoever you like, Jane!"
"Now, come on, this is Miss Jane Polestar we're talking about. None of that vulgarity!" Mister Lovelace said, and I thanked his good sense. "Can we not think of something more appropriate?"
"I think that last one sounds fun." Miss Polestar said, a smile on her face as she looked across the room. As her eyes settled on me. "I can think of somebody I should like to kiss."
And for the briefest moment, I did hope.
Then she turned, and planted her lips on Mister Lovelace's.
---
Well, this party is getting well out of hand, and you are having a blast! Mister Lovelace is quite the charmer, and it may just be the drink but you feel quite a bit more for him than any man you have yet come across, even in this short time. You don't know where your dear Tabbycat has disappeared to though, but no matter. You have catching up to do.
Alas, it seems you have broken your hastily made promise to Marie, and she seems rather upset with you. How do you find out about her displeasure?
[ ] She tells you, quite directly, and clearly very upset. You have a very serious fight, there is yelling and tears, it is quite awful, and neither of you know what to say to the other.
[ ] On your return to the guest estate, you find that she is unwilling to see you, and has moved her luggage into one of the servants rooms, far from your own. She does her allotted work, and nothing more, and is unwilling to speak any words beyond 'Yes, miss'.
[ ] You find out next morning that she has gone back to the ship, and says she shall await you there for when you are ready to leave. She has answered no messages since.
