- Pronouns
- He/Him
Ah, but he needs to know that himself first
Magical Girl Lyrical Taylor (Worm/Nanoha)
- Thread starter Marsyas
- Start date
Crystalwatcher
(Verified GM)
- Location
- Limbo
You made Cauldron seem a bit human.
I don't know how to take this.
I don't know how to take this.
Crusader Jerome
Subsisting on Supplication
- Location
- My home away from Rome
@Marsyas I'm sorry to say this, but Min looks more and more like a Mary Sue every chapter. Please don't take what I say the wrong way: I like the combination of "Taylor gets better Device" and "QA is halping," but her character has no conflict whatsoever. So far, she hasn't shown any reason for existing beyond comic relief.
The omake you just posted was a step in the right direction, because Min hasn't developed meaningful relationships with anyone except Taylor and Dragon (the first inasmuch as Taylor tolerates her now, and the second entirely off-screen so we don't see it). I really liked the omake with Jack Slash; that gave her real conflict to deal with, if only for the one chapter. Min has a lot of potential if you give her something to really want and struggle for. Right now, she seems one-dimensional.
The omake you just posted was a step in the right direction, because Min hasn't developed meaningful relationships with anyone except Taylor and Dragon (the first inasmuch as Taylor tolerates her now, and the second entirely off-screen so we don't see it). I really liked the omake with Jack Slash; that gave her real conflict to deal with, if only for the one chapter. Min has a lot of potential if you give her something to really want and struggle for. Right now, she seems one-dimensional.
Marsyas
Surprisingly Jellicle
- Location
- Undimensioned and Unseen
*scratches his head*
The entire rest of your critique appears to be completely at odds with this statement. Unless I am completely misinterpreting you, the bulk of your critique is that Min has been disappointingly static and geared toward comic relief, and in general hasn't been fulfilling the dramatic potential that she obviously could be? ... I suspect we may be working with very different definitions of the term, 'Mary Sue.'
I'll respond in detail to the substance of your critique when I get a chance. I am not able to do extended replies at the moment. Me as a passenger in a car + looking at screens for any length of time + trying to write replies = motion sickness.
Mizu
Software Developer
- Location
- Victoria, Australia
I wonder if eating pancakes and such when you're the size of a pixie fills you up? The only canon example we've got, Reinforce Zwei, doesn't need to eat due to being a Unison Device (I think?), but IIRC she does still partake of food many times her size a few times during StrikerS. Tis probably pretty nice, eating cake the same size as you.
- Location
- California
Bear in mind that Min has literally only existed for one arc. I know it feels like longer than that, because Marsyas's writing pace has slowed down with this arc and so it's been about a year's worth of real-time, but she hasn't actually had a great deal of time to develop, and this is not a story that develops at a blindingly-fast pace (and this arc has had a number of other things to introduce and develop, not just Min). And she has had a purpose even for this arc, it simply hasn't been her own conflict; rather, her introduction presented a huge conflict for Taylor, who has been gradually coming to terms with Min's existence. It's true that Min herself hasn't done much yet, but having gotten this far into the story, I've developed enough trust in Maryas's writing to wait and see where this goes.
Crusader Jerome
Subsisting on Supplication
- Location
- My home away from Rome
Sorry. You're right; I completely forgot to define my terms and specify what I meant. When I say Mary Sue, I mean a sort of idealized character who is:
1. Important to the plot
2. Really special in some unmatchable way
3. Lacking any realistic character flaws except those intended to make the character endearing.
The second paragraph was a description of what I think would help make Min more interesting. I realized after reading your reply that I would be completely satisfied if Min were to respond to Taylor not wanting her around. You've done a good job of showing us Taylor's problems with Min; now you should show us Min's side of it. Don't tell us that Min is completely oblivious. They have a mental link, and Taylor not wanting her has to hurt.
Marsyas
Surprisingly Jellicle
- Location
- Undimensioned and Unseen
Gotcha. A lot of Min's lack of development this arc is what @VirusLord described: the pace of my writing has slowed down considerably this arc, and Min has only existed as a character for part of it.
This arc was intended first and foremost to be about Taylor's recovery from her lowest point. What happened at the end of the Behemoth fight was deeply traumatizing for her, and there was no way to get her on the road to recovery without actually getting her on the road to recovery. Other goals for the arc were to have the Administration Bureau step fully on stage, to introduce the character of Min, and to set the stage for what's coming next.
If Min seems undeveloped, it's because she is. She is still very new to basically everything. She has memories from Taylor and from Raising Heart, but she doesn't yet really know who she is, and Taylor's rejection didn't help. This was her introduction both to the audience and to existence. In this arc, she is intentionally a thing for Taylor to react to. Her planned character development is intended to kick into gear in Arc 7 and continue through the remainder of the story.
As to the question of whether she is completely oblivious: she is not, and yes, Taylor's initial rejection did hurt her. We will start to see her perspective more in Arc 7.
Crusader Jerome
Subsisting on Supplication
- Location
- My home away from Rome
Great. I'm looking forward to it!
An Outside View #3
Marsyas
Surprisingly Jellicle
- Location
- Undimensioned and Unseen
Magical Girl Lyrical Taylor
(Worm/Nanoha)
by P.H. Wise
An Outside View #3
Disclaimer: The following is a fanfic. Worm belongs to Wildbow. The Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha franchise is owned by various corporate entities. Please support the official release.
Thanks to @Cailin for beta-reading!
-------------
Subaru's mouth had gone dry, but she kept swallowing anyway. It was the day after the interview with Taylor, and Subaru and Teana stood outside a converted warehouse along the docks. The building didn't look like much; it was a big, ugly rectangle with a brick exterior and a whole bunch of curtain-covered windows. The low tide stink was thick in the air, mingling unpleasantly with the ordinary smells of the city, and she crinkled her nose at it.
Maybe they should just leave. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe...
Teana put a hand on Subaru's shoulder, and Subaru felt some of the tension drain out of her. She tilted her head to brush her cheek against Teana's hand, and Teana smiled at her.
She could do this.
Subaru knocked three times on the off-white front door.
A few minutes passed. She knocked again. More silence, and a few more minutes passed with nothing happening. Then the door opened, and a young woman with straight black hair and pale blue eyes glared out at the pair of magical girls, and she could have been Ginya's -- Subaru's adopted father's -- biological daughter but for the anger and contempt in her eyes. The young woman seemed to take the measure of the magical girls. Her eyes narrowed.
"The fuck do you want?" Karin Nakajima asked.
When in doubt, stick to protocol. "My name is Corporal Subaru Nakajima," Subaru announced. She gestured to Teana. "This is my partner, Corporal Teana Lanster. We're with the 386th Battalion Disaster Force."
Karin searched Subaru's face, but what she found there she did not share. The direction of her gaze shifted to Teana when Subaru introduced her, but otherwise she remained focused on Subaru. "You're with the Administration Bureau," Karin said.
"Yes."
"Okay. The fuck do you want?"
"We're assisting the Brockton Bay police department with their investigation into the death of Ichiro Nakajima," Teana said.
"We were wondering if you were willing to answer a few questions," Subaru said. "May we come in?"
Karin's eyes went flat. For just a moment, it was like being regarded by some kind of predatory bird, or maybe a snake. Her bravado didn't so much vanish as it found disturbing new expression in a manner Subaru found disturbing, even if she couldn't say why. "No," she said, "and only if those questions happen in the presence of my lawyer," Karin said. "That's not a problem, is it?"
Subaru and Teana exchanged glances. "Of course not," Teana said. She handed Karin a business card. "Please have your legal counsel call us to set up an interview time at your earliest convenience."
She was studying Subaru again. "I'll do that," she said. "Was there anything else?"
Subaru shook her head. "That's all."
"Okay," said Karin. "Then I'll see you at the interview."
"At the interview," Teana echoed. "It was a pleasure meeting you, Miss."
"Whatever," Karin said airily.
Then the door shut in their faces, and Subaru and Teana were left standing in the cold.
Neither magical girl spoke until they were well away from the neighborhood. Then Teana turned to her partner and asked, "What do you think?"
Subaru twiddled her index fingers. "I messed it up," she admitted. "I wanted to tell her I was her cousin, but when she opened the door I couldn't think of what to say, and I just went with procedure, and I think she doesn't like me."
Teana gave Subaru a long-suffering look. "That's not what I meant."
"Oh." Subaru blushed. "Right. Um. It's too early to tell much. Earth isn't like Midchilda. But…" she paused. "I think she has something to hide. I have this feeling in my gut, like this is going to go badly."
"Me too," Teana admitted.
"Where does that leave us?"
Teana checked the itinerary. "With two more witnesses to contact before we can take a break."
Subaru nodded. She clenched a fist and let her revolver-knuckle spun a bit. "Right," she said.
--------------
The meeting room looked like a more open space than it was. The walls were a uniform off-white, the floor had a tan carpet over fake hardwood, and the east wall was mostly long windows. Subaru and Teana were both in their formal uniforms seated at the table, and Karin came sauntering in with her lawyer ten minutes late.
[Think it's deliberate?] Teana asked telepathically.
[Maybe,] Subaru answered.
Both stood up as the other two came into the room.
Karin's lawyer looked vaguely Carcosan, and Subaru couldn't recall what that corresponded to on Earth. He set down his briefcase and extended a hand, and it took Subaru a moment to remember that there was a local custom of clasping hands as a greeting.
She shook his hand.
"Good morning," he said in an even, measured tone, and smiled to show off his extremely white teeth. There was a scar on his face that ran from the corner of his nostril up to his cheekbone. He wore a grey suit, white shirt, red tie, and Subaru supposed that he was handsome, more or less.
"Good morning," Subaru answered. Teana echoed her a moment later, and there was just the tiniest bit of hesitation in her voice when she did.
"You must be Miss Nakajima's lawyer," Subaru said.
"I am," the man answered. "Quinn Calle, Esquire. You must be the investigators from the Administration Bureau."
"Corporal Subaru Nakajima," Subaru answered. "This is the first time we've met." There wasn't really an exact translation for that phrase into English, but that was close. It was something you said when you were introduced someone for the first time, part of being polite.
"T- Teana Lanster," Teana said, and shook the man's hand. "Be nice to us." That was the other part of the standard greeting.
"Charmed," said Calle, and it occurred to Subaru that the man smiled too much. Also, was Teana blushing? Subaru's brow furrowed slightly. No. That had to be her imagination, didn't it? Teana was a professional.
Tia seemed to prove her assessment a moment later: she regained her composure as the group settled in at the table.
"I hope you don't mind if I record this interview," Calle said.
Subaru shook her head. "We intend to record it as well."
Calle smiled. "Of course." He reached into his pocket and produced a small recorder, which he promptly started. "You said your name is Nakajima, correct? Any relation to my client?"
"I don't know for sure," Subaru said. "My family comes from here, but they left their home country of Sun Origin during their Mage revolution and went to Midchilda. Maybe Meiji revolution? I'm not sure on the pronunciation."
Karin blanched. Disbelief broke through her normal expression, and she stared at Subaru with sudden intensity.
"What?" Subaru asked. "What is it?"
Karin turned to Calle and spoke quietly to him, and Subaru couldn't make out what was said. After a few minutes, Calle nodded. "Go ahead," he said.
"It's impossible," she said. A beat later she shook her head. "There's a story my grand…" A shadow passed over her face. "My grandfather used to tell a story about his granduncle. He said that during the time of the Meiji Ishin, my family ran a shrine. They were priests, and supposedly we had this tradition of real magic and guardianship of the spirit world, and the government decided that they had too much Buddhist influence. Dumb fuckers didn't know the difference between Buddhist practices and what our family did, I guess. Shit, maybe they knew exactly what they were doing, I don't know. We got cast out. According to the story, my great-great-grandfather and his brother swore they and their descendents would continue to be the guardians of the spirit world and to preserve the traditions of magic no matter what the Emperor had decided; my great-great-grandfather would do so here, and his brother would do it in the other world, beyond Jigen Kūkan. He said…" she shook her head. "I always thought it was bullshit."
There was a heavy silence, then. For a time no one said a word. Then Calle spoke, his voice giving the words a certain theatrical quality. "It would seem that there is a relation after all," he said.
"Yeah," Subaru agreed.
Karin looked to Subaru. "The hell does that make us?"
"Family," Teana said.
Subaru nodded after a moment. "Family," she said.
"Well," Calle said. "Given that my client is your long lost relative, I'm sure you understand, Corporal Nakajima, if I ask that you recuse yourself from this interview to avoid even the appearance of impropriety. I'm sure Corporal Lanster can conduct it ably in your absence."
Subaru's eyes narrowed. "No," she said. "I won't be doing that. I can do my job no matter who I'm questioning."
She expected Calle to argue, but he just smiled and nodded, as he had expected that reaction. "Of course," he said amiably. "But I'd like my objection noted for the record."
"Fine," Subaru said.
"Now, I believe you had some questions for my client."
They began the interview, and as they did, Subaru had this sinking feeling that she had played into Calle's hand and given him an advantage, even if she didn't know exactly how.
It was a feeling that only grew stronger as the interview went on.
(Worm/Nanoha)
by P.H. Wise
An Outside View #3
Disclaimer: The following is a fanfic. Worm belongs to Wildbow. The Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha franchise is owned by various corporate entities. Please support the official release.
Thanks to @Cailin for beta-reading!
-------------
Subaru's mouth had gone dry, but she kept swallowing anyway. It was the day after the interview with Taylor, and Subaru and Teana stood outside a converted warehouse along the docks. The building didn't look like much; it was a big, ugly rectangle with a brick exterior and a whole bunch of curtain-covered windows. The low tide stink was thick in the air, mingling unpleasantly with the ordinary smells of the city, and she crinkled her nose at it.
Maybe they should just leave. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe...
Teana put a hand on Subaru's shoulder, and Subaru felt some of the tension drain out of her. She tilted her head to brush her cheek against Teana's hand, and Teana smiled at her.
She could do this.
Subaru knocked three times on the off-white front door.
A few minutes passed. She knocked again. More silence, and a few more minutes passed with nothing happening. Then the door opened, and a young woman with straight black hair and pale blue eyes glared out at the pair of magical girls, and she could have been Ginya's -- Subaru's adopted father's -- biological daughter but for the anger and contempt in her eyes. The young woman seemed to take the measure of the magical girls. Her eyes narrowed.
"The fuck do you want?" Karin Nakajima asked.
When in doubt, stick to protocol. "My name is Corporal Subaru Nakajima," Subaru announced. She gestured to Teana. "This is my partner, Corporal Teana Lanster. We're with the 386th Battalion Disaster Force."
Karin searched Subaru's face, but what she found there she did not share. The direction of her gaze shifted to Teana when Subaru introduced her, but otherwise she remained focused on Subaru. "You're with the Administration Bureau," Karin said.
"Yes."
"Okay. The fuck do you want?"
"We're assisting the Brockton Bay police department with their investigation into the death of Ichiro Nakajima," Teana said.
"We were wondering if you were willing to answer a few questions," Subaru said. "May we come in?"
Karin's eyes went flat. For just a moment, it was like being regarded by some kind of predatory bird, or maybe a snake. Her bravado didn't so much vanish as it found disturbing new expression in a manner Subaru found disturbing, even if she couldn't say why. "No," she said, "and only if those questions happen in the presence of my lawyer," Karin said. "That's not a problem, is it?"
Subaru and Teana exchanged glances. "Of course not," Teana said. She handed Karin a business card. "Please have your legal counsel call us to set up an interview time at your earliest convenience."
She was studying Subaru again. "I'll do that," she said. "Was there anything else?"
Subaru shook her head. "That's all."
"Okay," said Karin. "Then I'll see you at the interview."
"At the interview," Teana echoed. "It was a pleasure meeting you, Miss."
"Whatever," Karin said airily.
Then the door shut in their faces, and Subaru and Teana were left standing in the cold.
Neither magical girl spoke until they were well away from the neighborhood. Then Teana turned to her partner and asked, "What do you think?"
Subaru twiddled her index fingers. "I messed it up," she admitted. "I wanted to tell her I was her cousin, but when she opened the door I couldn't think of what to say, and I just went with procedure, and I think she doesn't like me."
Teana gave Subaru a long-suffering look. "That's not what I meant."
"Oh." Subaru blushed. "Right. Um. It's too early to tell much. Earth isn't like Midchilda. But…" she paused. "I think she has something to hide. I have this feeling in my gut, like this is going to go badly."
"Me too," Teana admitted.
"Where does that leave us?"
Teana checked the itinerary. "With two more witnesses to contact before we can take a break."
Subaru nodded. She clenched a fist and let her revolver-knuckle spun a bit. "Right," she said.
--------------
The meeting room looked like a more open space than it was. The walls were a uniform off-white, the floor had a tan carpet over fake hardwood, and the east wall was mostly long windows. Subaru and Teana were both in their formal uniforms seated at the table, and Karin came sauntering in with her lawyer ten minutes late.
[Think it's deliberate?] Teana asked telepathically.
[Maybe,] Subaru answered.
Both stood up as the other two came into the room.
Karin's lawyer looked vaguely Carcosan, and Subaru couldn't recall what that corresponded to on Earth. He set down his briefcase and extended a hand, and it took Subaru a moment to remember that there was a local custom of clasping hands as a greeting.
She shook his hand.
"Good morning," he said in an even, measured tone, and smiled to show off his extremely white teeth. There was a scar on his face that ran from the corner of his nostril up to his cheekbone. He wore a grey suit, white shirt, red tie, and Subaru supposed that he was handsome, more or less.
"Good morning," Subaru answered. Teana echoed her a moment later, and there was just the tiniest bit of hesitation in her voice when she did.
"You must be Miss Nakajima's lawyer," Subaru said.
"I am," the man answered. "Quinn Calle, Esquire. You must be the investigators from the Administration Bureau."
"Corporal Subaru Nakajima," Subaru answered. "This is the first time we've met." There wasn't really an exact translation for that phrase into English, but that was close. It was something you said when you were introduced someone for the first time, part of being polite.
"T- Teana Lanster," Teana said, and shook the man's hand. "Be nice to us." That was the other part of the standard greeting.
"Charmed," said Calle, and it occurred to Subaru that the man smiled too much. Also, was Teana blushing? Subaru's brow furrowed slightly. No. That had to be her imagination, didn't it? Teana was a professional.
Tia seemed to prove her assessment a moment later: she regained her composure as the group settled in at the table.
"I hope you don't mind if I record this interview," Calle said.
Subaru shook her head. "We intend to record it as well."
Calle smiled. "Of course." He reached into his pocket and produced a small recorder, which he promptly started. "You said your name is Nakajima, correct? Any relation to my client?"
"I don't know for sure," Subaru said. "My family comes from here, but they left their home country of Sun Origin during their Mage revolution and went to Midchilda. Maybe Meiji revolution? I'm not sure on the pronunciation."
Karin blanched. Disbelief broke through her normal expression, and she stared at Subaru with sudden intensity.
"What?" Subaru asked. "What is it?"
Karin turned to Calle and spoke quietly to him, and Subaru couldn't make out what was said. After a few minutes, Calle nodded. "Go ahead," he said.
"It's impossible," she said. A beat later she shook her head. "There's a story my grand…" A shadow passed over her face. "My grandfather used to tell a story about his granduncle. He said that during the time of the Meiji Ishin, my family ran a shrine. They were priests, and supposedly we had this tradition of real magic and guardianship of the spirit world, and the government decided that they had too much Buddhist influence. Dumb fuckers didn't know the difference between Buddhist practices and what our family did, I guess. Shit, maybe they knew exactly what they were doing, I don't know. We got cast out. According to the story, my great-great-grandfather and his brother swore they and their descendents would continue to be the guardians of the spirit world and to preserve the traditions of magic no matter what the Emperor had decided; my great-great-grandfather would do so here, and his brother would do it in the other world, beyond Jigen Kūkan. He said…" she shook her head. "I always thought it was bullshit."
There was a heavy silence, then. For a time no one said a word. Then Calle spoke, his voice giving the words a certain theatrical quality. "It would seem that there is a relation after all," he said.
"Yeah," Subaru agreed.
Karin looked to Subaru. "The hell does that make us?"
"Family," Teana said.
Subaru nodded after a moment. "Family," she said.
"Well," Calle said. "Given that my client is your long lost relative, I'm sure you understand, Corporal Nakajima, if I ask that you recuse yourself from this interview to avoid even the appearance of impropriety. I'm sure Corporal Lanster can conduct it ably in your absence."
Subaru's eyes narrowed. "No," she said. "I won't be doing that. I can do my job no matter who I'm questioning."
She expected Calle to argue, but he just smiled and nodded, as he had expected that reaction. "Of course," he said amiably. "But I'd like my objection noted for the record."
"Fine," Subaru said.
"Now, I believe you had some questions for my client."
They began the interview, and as they did, Subaru had this sinking feeling that she had played into Calle's hand and given him an advantage, even if she didn't know exactly how.
It was a feeling that only grew stronger as the interview went on.
Last edited:
- Location
- Russia
Poor GaoGaiGal. Being exposed to Earth Bet bureaucracy.
- Location
- West Michigan
The last time second-to-last time this fic had a proper chapter, I hadn't actually experienced any part of MGLN proper, just various crossover fanfics that included it (I read SWTG a couple years before this fic started). Now, I'm caught up with the most of the primary show/continuity, except parts 87-106 of Vivid's manga (my source hasn't translated those yet) and all of Strike. Just reading the latter's premise told me that it takes place after all of its predecessor, so I'm waiting until the manga translation is done or Vivid S2-S3 are greenlit-produced-aired-subbed (whichever comes first).
Among other things, I noticed some eerie similarities between Victoria Dallon and Victoria Dahlgrun. Besides their names, it's also their appearances, battle role (the tank), privilege, personalities...
Among other things, I noticed some eerie similarities between Victoria Dallon and Victoria Dahlgrun. Besides their names, it's also their appearances, battle role (the tank), privilege, personalities...
Ttw1
Suffering at NNPTC without discord
- Location
- threads/ex-machina-worm-tinker-au.29497/
SWTG? What is that? Also can I have a link if possible?
- Location
- West Michigan
Sleeping With the Girls, a classic multicross SI by Admiral Tigerclaw. The most recent SB thread is here, but that's for discussion and preview chapters only and has heavy spoilers far beyond just what's current. Instead, the fic is primarily hosted at FFN and AO3 (volume 1) (volume 2).
EDIT: The MGLN sequence is (roughly) the final two chapters of volume 1.
Last edited:
Marsyas
Surprisingly Jellicle
- Location
- Undimensioned and Unseen
New content. It is coming, and soon.
There's a ton of sidestory that can take place at this point in the story. Hell, I have enough for the whole 'Subaru and Bakuda' thing that it could be its own spinoff fanfic. But trying to pursue all the tangents instead of advancing the main plot has all but killed my interest in writing Lyrical Taylor.
So, something had to be done. I'm not terribly happy with the next section, but I realized that if I didn't do something to advance the story, I'd be stuck in Interlude Hell forever.
There's a ton of sidestory that can take place at this point in the story. Hell, I have enough for the whole 'Subaru and Bakuda' thing that it could be its own spinoff fanfic. But trying to pursue all the tangents instead of advancing the main plot has all but killed my interest in writing Lyrical Taylor.
So, something had to be done. I'm not terribly happy with the next section, but I realized that if I didn't do something to advance the story, I'd be stuck in Interlude Hell forever.
Marsyas
Surprisingly Jellicle
- Location
- Undimensioned and Unseen
I'm not entirely sure what you are suggesting here. Would you care to elaborate?
serra2
Himouto! Sylvanas-chan
Yeah, that;s the bane of having a long fic with lots of interesting characters. You either go the Robert Jordan route and have virtually nothing happen per chapter as you get bogged down, the GRRM route of culling the cast list every now and then, or the Prachett route of focusing on a select group of the cast and ignoring everyone else for a while.
Not As Planned
Marsyas
Surprisingly Jellicle
- Location
- Undimensioned and Unseen
Okay. Time for the last interlude to close out Arc 6. Like I said, I'm not terribly happy with it, but here it is:
Magical Girl Lyrical Taylor
(Worm/Nanoha)
by P.H. Wise
Not As Planned
Disclaimer: The following is a fanfic. Worm belongs to Wildbow. The Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha franchise is owned by various corporate entities. Please support the official release.
Thanks to @Cailin for beta-reading!
-------------------
From the Diary of Taylor Hebert Sägebrecht
Brockton Bay is changing. The whole world is changing, but it's happening here first. This is going to be the heart of a new American industry, spearheaded be Precia Testarossa and the PRT: magitech. Well, American and Canadian. But before that can happen, the recovery has to finish, and it's almost there. The power's back in almost every neighborhood now, the Boat Graveyard is halfway cleared out, and the Bureau's decontamination teams have almost finished cleaning up Behemoth's radioactive leftovers. People are starting to look less like shell-shocked survivors and more like, well, people. Some areas are still trouble spots: Kaiserville is still a neighborhood that nobody wants to walk through if they aren't white and either poor or part of the Empire. Someone's trying to bring back the Maniacs -- that dumb parahuman-led biker gang the Protectorate ran out of town a year or two back. The Merchants continue to be annoying. But for the first time in forever, the city feels like it has a future.
It's a strange feeling. It's like suddenly being able to breathe, only we hadn't realized we were suffocating until now.
Vicky, Amy, and I went and took the test to get our G.E.D.s, and it was easy. We'd tried not to cheat, but it turned out that the sort of mental focus required for magic also applied to things like studying for tests and taking tests. Having Devices connected to our brains would have given us an overwhelming advantage even if we hadn't studied, but we all had, and we burned through the testing in a tiny fraction of the allotted time.
I spend a lot of my free time with Fate. I make time for Vicky and Amy, of course, but I rarely see Lisa outside of training with the Wolkenritter. I don't hate her or anything, I just… she went behind my back to arrange things with Hayate, and even if it worked out to accomplish what I wanted, I feel a little weird about it.
Still, each day is a little better on the whole than the last one. We got the results back from the testing, and Amy, Vicky, and I all passed with flying colors, and that's one less stupid thing in my life. Arcadia has been much, much better than Winslow, but I was wasting my time there. I have more important things to do than go to school, and it wasn't that long ago that Dad would have rolled his eyes instead of agreeing with me.
The very first envoys from Earth are going to Midchilda, and I'm going with them.
It isn't forever, and it's going to double as kind of a vacation: the first Dad and I have taken since before I started high school. Vicky and Amy are coming, too, and Lisa and Yuuno and even Missy. Being royalty isn't important to me, but the fact that Mom was a Sägebrecht, the fact that I am, means something to the people in Administrated Space. If I can use that to help Earth Bet...
There are more reasons to go than just the political. There's also Dad's safety. I'm a public cape, and the Fallen didn't stop with sending just one group after me. Another band came to Brockton Bay a week after the first, and though we took them down, too, the PRT said they couldn't guarantee Dad's safety anymore. They'd do everything in their power to keep him safe, but that might not be enough.
I guess people take it personally when you kill their gods.
I don't like that reason for leaving very much. I don't like the idea of running from a group of villains I can crush like insects. But all they have to do is get lucky one time. But beyond that, I want to see the place Mom came from, the place Fate came from, the place Raising Heart came from, and I want Min to see it with me.
Min…
You know how it feels when you haven't treated someone very well, and they didn't do the same back, and now you're trying to do better, but it's super awkward, and they don't say anything about it, and it wouldn't be so bad if they'd just scream at you about it, but they don't? Of course you do. You're me. And if you're not me and you're reading my diary, I'm going to Divine Buster you into next week. The annoying thing is, I honestly don't know if she's just not saying anything because she doesn't want to hear my apology, or because she's actually forgiven me. I'm not sure which of the two would be worse.
But I guess Min deserves to see where Raising Heart came from, too. She came from… from her, after all.
Anyway, it's time to go. Dad and Min and I are packed. Am packed? Hmm. We're meeting the others at the ferry to the Garden of Time at 7:00 in the morning, and we're going to be teleported up to the Arthra with the diplomatic teams at 7:15.
I just wish Fate was coming with us.
-------------
Everything was proceeding exactly according to plan. Thanks to Noelle Meinhardt's assistance, the research on the Swarm Entity and its associated implanted power modules was beginning to bear fruit; the partnership with Coil was going well, and thanks to him and his friend Accord, Scaglietti's new base of operations on Earth Bet was finally complete. It was surprising, but his labs here were stocked just as well as the ones he'd left behind in Administrated Space, and even came with complimentary death traps, which was one of those little touches he truly appreciated. Uno was acting as caretaker to the facilities and projects left behind in Administrated Space while he pursued matters here on Earth, of course.
Scaglietti was humming cheerfully as he knocked on the door to Quattro's room. It opened with a hiss, and he smiled at the sight of his favorite daughter hunched over a holographic computer interface. She was trying not to giggle, which probably meant she'd been playing the gadfly on that Parahumans Online site that she liked so much. A news feed was running in a second holographic window, but she wasn't paying it much mind.
"Hello, Father," Quattro said, the light gleaming off her glasses as she looked up.
"Everything's ready," Scaglietti said.
Quattro brightened. "We're finally moving forward with the Sägebrecht heir?"
Doctor Scaglietti nodded. "You have been keeping a close eye on her?"
"Uhuh."
"Good," Scaglietti said. "I want to know everything about her. Her daily routine, her friends, her hobbies."
"She has no secrets from me," Quattro replied. "I'll have a full report ready by the afternoon."
"Good. We can't allow any unknown element to disrupt the plan at this…" Scaglietti trailed off as he noticed exactly what was being portrayed on the news in the secondary screen that Quattro had not been paying attention to.
It was a wide shot showing the Sägebrecht girl and her friends at Precia's Garden of Time. Taylor and Fate were hugging goodbye, and a crowd of Earth officials were milling about as they waited their turn for teleportation.
The hug ended. Taylor Hebert, her father, her Unison Device, and her Knights moved to the teleportation pad. There was a shimmer, and then they were gone.
"... And as Taylor Hebert," the news anchor was saying, "also known as Starfall, boards the ship to join the planet Earth's first diplomatic envoy to an alien civilization, the hopes and dreams of us all travel with her…"
Scaglietti turned to Quattro and raised an eyebrow.
Quattro's left eye began to twitch, and when she spoke her words came out in a staccato angry hiss. "What. The. Hell."
"Well," Scaglietti mused, the ghost of a smile upon his lips. "This is not quite according to plan."
Magical Girl Lyrical Taylor
(Worm/Nanoha)
by P.H. Wise
Not As Planned
Disclaimer: The following is a fanfic. Worm belongs to Wildbow. The Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha franchise is owned by various corporate entities. Please support the official release.
Thanks to @Cailin for beta-reading!
-------------------
From the Diary of Taylor Hebert Sägebrecht
Brockton Bay is changing. The whole world is changing, but it's happening here first. This is going to be the heart of a new American industry, spearheaded be Precia Testarossa and the PRT: magitech. Well, American and Canadian. But before that can happen, the recovery has to finish, and it's almost there. The power's back in almost every neighborhood now, the Boat Graveyard is halfway cleared out, and the Bureau's decontamination teams have almost finished cleaning up Behemoth's radioactive leftovers. People are starting to look less like shell-shocked survivors and more like, well, people. Some areas are still trouble spots: Kaiserville is still a neighborhood that nobody wants to walk through if they aren't white and either poor or part of the Empire. Someone's trying to bring back the Maniacs -- that dumb parahuman-led biker gang the Protectorate ran out of town a year or two back. The Merchants continue to be annoying. But for the first time in forever, the city feels like it has a future.
It's a strange feeling. It's like suddenly being able to breathe, only we hadn't realized we were suffocating until now.
Vicky, Amy, and I went and took the test to get our G.E.D.s, and it was easy. We'd tried not to cheat, but it turned out that the sort of mental focus required for magic also applied to things like studying for tests and taking tests. Having Devices connected to our brains would have given us an overwhelming advantage even if we hadn't studied, but we all had, and we burned through the testing in a tiny fraction of the allotted time.
I spend a lot of my free time with Fate. I make time for Vicky and Amy, of course, but I rarely see Lisa outside of training with the Wolkenritter. I don't hate her or anything, I just… she went behind my back to arrange things with Hayate, and even if it worked out to accomplish what I wanted, I feel a little weird about it.
Still, each day is a little better on the whole than the last one. We got the results back from the testing, and Amy, Vicky, and I all passed with flying colors, and that's one less stupid thing in my life. Arcadia has been much, much better than Winslow, but I was wasting my time there. I have more important things to do than go to school, and it wasn't that long ago that Dad would have rolled his eyes instead of agreeing with me.
The very first envoys from Earth are going to Midchilda, and I'm going with them.
It isn't forever, and it's going to double as kind of a vacation: the first Dad and I have taken since before I started high school. Vicky and Amy are coming, too, and Lisa and Yuuno and even Missy. Being royalty isn't important to me, but the fact that Mom was a Sägebrecht, the fact that I am, means something to the people in Administrated Space. If I can use that to help Earth Bet...
There are more reasons to go than just the political. There's also Dad's safety. I'm a public cape, and the Fallen didn't stop with sending just one group after me. Another band came to Brockton Bay a week after the first, and though we took them down, too, the PRT said they couldn't guarantee Dad's safety anymore. They'd do everything in their power to keep him safe, but that might not be enough.
I guess people take it personally when you kill their gods.
I don't like that reason for leaving very much. I don't like the idea of running from a group of villains I can crush like insects. But all they have to do is get lucky one time. But beyond that, I want to see the place Mom came from, the place Fate came from, the place Raising Heart came from, and I want Min to see it with me.
Min…
You know how it feels when you haven't treated someone very well, and they didn't do the same back, and now you're trying to do better, but it's super awkward, and they don't say anything about it, and it wouldn't be so bad if they'd just scream at you about it, but they don't? Of course you do. You're me. And if you're not me and you're reading my diary, I'm going to Divine Buster you into next week. The annoying thing is, I honestly don't know if she's just not saying anything because she doesn't want to hear my apology, or because she's actually forgiven me. I'm not sure which of the two would be worse.
But I guess Min deserves to see where Raising Heart came from, too. She came from… from her, after all.
Anyway, it's time to go. Dad and Min and I are packed. Am packed? Hmm. We're meeting the others at the ferry to the Garden of Time at 7:00 in the morning, and we're going to be teleported up to the Arthra with the diplomatic teams at 7:15.
I just wish Fate was coming with us.
-------------
Everything was proceeding exactly according to plan. Thanks to Noelle Meinhardt's assistance, the research on the Swarm Entity and its associated implanted power modules was beginning to bear fruit; the partnership with Coil was going well, and thanks to him and his friend Accord, Scaglietti's new base of operations on Earth Bet was finally complete. It was surprising, but his labs here were stocked just as well as the ones he'd left behind in Administrated Space, and even came with complimentary death traps, which was one of those little touches he truly appreciated. Uno was acting as caretaker to the facilities and projects left behind in Administrated Space while he pursued matters here on Earth, of course.
Scaglietti was humming cheerfully as he knocked on the door to Quattro's room. It opened with a hiss, and he smiled at the sight of his favorite daughter hunched over a holographic computer interface. She was trying not to giggle, which probably meant she'd been playing the gadfly on that Parahumans Online site that she liked so much. A news feed was running in a second holographic window, but she wasn't paying it much mind.
"Hello, Father," Quattro said, the light gleaming off her glasses as she looked up.
"Everything's ready," Scaglietti said.
Quattro brightened. "We're finally moving forward with the Sägebrecht heir?"
Doctor Scaglietti nodded. "You have been keeping a close eye on her?"
"Uhuh."
"Good," Scaglietti said. "I want to know everything about her. Her daily routine, her friends, her hobbies."
"She has no secrets from me," Quattro replied. "I'll have a full report ready by the afternoon."
"Good. We can't allow any unknown element to disrupt the plan at this…" Scaglietti trailed off as he noticed exactly what was being portrayed on the news in the secondary screen that Quattro had not been paying attention to.
It was a wide shot showing the Sägebrecht girl and her friends at Precia's Garden of Time. Taylor and Fate were hugging goodbye, and a crowd of Earth officials were milling about as they waited their turn for teleportation.
The hug ended. Taylor Hebert, her father, her Unison Device, and her Knights moved to the teleportation pad. There was a shimmer, and then they were gone.
"... And as Taylor Hebert," the news anchor was saying, "also known as Starfall, boards the ship to join the planet Earth's first diplomatic envoy to an alien civilization, the hopes and dreams of us all travel with her…"
Scaglietti turned to Quattro and raised an eyebrow.
Quattro's left eye began to twitch, and when she spoke her words came out in a staccato angry hiss. "What. The. Hell."
"Well," Scaglietti mused, the ghost of a smile upon his lips. "This is not quite according to plan."
- Location
- Ural, Russia, Earth
I'm sorry!
I didn't plan to! It was an accident!
Marsyas made me!
Plz don't hurt me...
Crystalwatcher
(Verified GM)
- Location
- Limbo
You are Narui Hajime. We don't believe you.
I'm sorry!
I didn't plan to! It was an accident!
Marsyas made me!
Plz don't hurt me...
Is it really bad for me to imagine Contessa appearing on TV wielding a sign that showed a picture of a spaghetti?
Crusader Jerome
Subsisting on Supplication
- Location
- My home away from Rome
I like it. You managed to cover all the things currently relevant to Taylor, I think. The diary is an effective POV technique, and I wouldn't mind seeing it again.
Marsyas
Surprisingly Jellicle
- Location
- Undimensioned and Unseen
Update: Woo! I'm finally making progress and not just writing and then deleting scenes that don't work! Yay me! Here, have a sample of the opening of the next chapter. This probably isn't the scene in question's final form, though.
From dawn's first grey light, we were gone. Me, my friends, Hayate and the Wolkenritter, the envoys from the various nations of Earth and the Protectorate, all of us within a hollow shell of exotic metals, the thin walls of our ship and the power of Midchildan technology the only things between us and the endless void between the stars. The Earth from orbit had been like a dream, a thing of such beauty that it took our breath away, and as that Earth receded into the distance the sheer scale of the cosmos began to sink in.
Lingering silence. The sun sang her electromagnetic song, and the stars sang with her; across the universe, oscillations and pressure waves rising and falling in an endless atonal symphony, and all of it beyond the reach of human ears. Min stood watching it all, hearing it all, seated upside down on the ceiling of the observation deck. Humans came and went with wavering attention spans, and still she sat and listened, her many-partitioned mind devoting itself to dozens of tasks simultaneously even as her body remained still and attentive.
I found myself wondering what she was thinking, but I didn't ask her. I noted the activity through our shared neural link, but I didn't intrude.
Shadows and silence. Humanity suspended in emptiness against the canvass of eternity. Being in space was doing strange things to my thought processes, provoking thoughts and reveries that I wouldn't have had otherwise. The Earth shrank and shrank until it was little more than a pale blue dot in the impossible distance, and then not even that. Though the Endbringers were dead or missing, our world was still dying; the long, slow collapse of human civilization continued if at a slower pace. And somewhere beyond the Dimensional Sea, Midchilda awaited our arrival and the forging of the agreements that could save the people of Earth Bet from the twilight of our species, and so, from dawn's first light, we were gone.
Against that backdrop, my problems seemed ridiculous. That didn't make them any less pressing, though; it made me feel silly for having them, but it didn't take them away. Around evening on our first day out from Earth, I found myself in the observation lounge with Amy and Vicky and Myrddin. Lisa and Yuuno were elsewhere on the ship, and Missy, who had joined the expedition to Midchilda only just before we left, had already gone to bed. Dad was dozing in a chair off to my left with the book he was reading still open against his chest.
"... It still doesn't feel right, leaving like this," I admitted. We'd been talking for a while, but the conversation had only just gotten around to this subject. "It feels…" I thought about it. "It feels like running away. I know how important this could be, and I know we could all use a break, but if the Fallen have declared open season on me, I should be systematically wiping them from the face of the planet -- ideally from low earth orbit -- not running off to play diplomat."
Myrddin snorted. "You aren't running, kid. You're ignoring a group of unimportant lowlifes that isn't worth your time. Instead of treating the Fallen to a round or two of Death from the Skies!!, you're helping to represent our whole screwed up planet on a much bigger and more important stage."
I blinked. "Oh. Huh " I hadn't thought of it in those terms.
"Helps to keep things in perspective," Myrddin said.
"And the fact that this doubles as the first vacation my dad and I have gone on in years is just a bonus?" I asked.
"Exactly," Myrddin said.
Min dropped down from the ceiling, then, joining in the conversation with the suddenness of a stone being thrown into a pond. "Plus we can always blow them up in our off-hours after we get back. I have this new spell I want to try that's based on the same principles behind quantum tunneling..."
Myrddin froze. His eyes went from me to Min and back. Min continued her excited description of her new spell idea, and Myrddin's expression below his mask grew more and more concerned, and I raised an eyebrow at him.
"Taylor?" It was Amy, speaking from her seat just to my left. I turned to look at her. "Hmm?"
"Did you tell Myrddin about Min?" she asked.
Oh. "Whoops," I said.
By the time I managed to explain things to Myrddin, he'd already sounded the alarm. And that was how the first Earth Bet envoy to the stars got placed in Master/Stranger lockdown for the first day of our journey.
Like the man said, I guess it helps to keep things in perspective.
It took a week to get from Earth to the boundary of the heliosphere. Ordinarily, the ship would have just slipped into the Dimensional Sea right in Earth orbit, but the Dimensional Sea was still dangerously turbulent closer to Earth than the heliopause. The effect of the turbulence had initially extended to a little way beyond the orbit of Neptune, but what I'd done with the Jewel Seeds and the resulting cracks in the fabric of the universe had made it much worse...
Lingering silence. The sun sang her electromagnetic song, and the stars sang with her; across the universe, oscillations and pressure waves rising and falling in an endless atonal symphony, and all of it beyond the reach of human ears. Min stood watching it all, hearing it all, seated upside down on the ceiling of the observation deck. Humans came and went with wavering attention spans, and still she sat and listened, her many-partitioned mind devoting itself to dozens of tasks simultaneously even as her body remained still and attentive.
I found myself wondering what she was thinking, but I didn't ask her. I noted the activity through our shared neural link, but I didn't intrude.
Shadows and silence. Humanity suspended in emptiness against the canvass of eternity. Being in space was doing strange things to my thought processes, provoking thoughts and reveries that I wouldn't have had otherwise. The Earth shrank and shrank until it was little more than a pale blue dot in the impossible distance, and then not even that. Though the Endbringers were dead or missing, our world was still dying; the long, slow collapse of human civilization continued if at a slower pace. And somewhere beyond the Dimensional Sea, Midchilda awaited our arrival and the forging of the agreements that could save the people of Earth Bet from the twilight of our species, and so, from dawn's first light, we were gone.
Against that backdrop, my problems seemed ridiculous. That didn't make them any less pressing, though; it made me feel silly for having them, but it didn't take them away. Around evening on our first day out from Earth, I found myself in the observation lounge with Amy and Vicky and Myrddin. Lisa and Yuuno were elsewhere on the ship, and Missy, who had joined the expedition to Midchilda only just before we left, had already gone to bed. Dad was dozing in a chair off to my left with the book he was reading still open against his chest.
"... It still doesn't feel right, leaving like this," I admitted. We'd been talking for a while, but the conversation had only just gotten around to this subject. "It feels…" I thought about it. "It feels like running away. I know how important this could be, and I know we could all use a break, but if the Fallen have declared open season on me, I should be systematically wiping them from the face of the planet -- ideally from low earth orbit -- not running off to play diplomat."
Myrddin snorted. "You aren't running, kid. You're ignoring a group of unimportant lowlifes that isn't worth your time. Instead of treating the Fallen to a round or two of Death from the Skies!!, you're helping to represent our whole screwed up planet on a much bigger and more important stage."
I blinked. "Oh. Huh " I hadn't thought of it in those terms.
"Helps to keep things in perspective," Myrddin said.
"And the fact that this doubles as the first vacation my dad and I have gone on in years is just a bonus?" I asked.
"Exactly," Myrddin said.
Min dropped down from the ceiling, then, joining in the conversation with the suddenness of a stone being thrown into a pond. "Plus we can always blow them up in our off-hours after we get back. I have this new spell I want to try that's based on the same principles behind quantum tunneling..."
Myrddin froze. His eyes went from me to Min and back. Min continued her excited description of her new spell idea, and Myrddin's expression below his mask grew more and more concerned, and I raised an eyebrow at him.
"Taylor?" It was Amy, speaking from her seat just to my left. I turned to look at her. "Hmm?"
"Did you tell Myrddin about Min?" she asked.
Oh. "Whoops," I said.
By the time I managed to explain things to Myrddin, he'd already sounded the alarm. And that was how the first Earth Bet envoy to the stars got placed in Master/Stranger lockdown for the first day of our journey.
Like the man said, I guess it helps to keep things in perspective.
It took a week to get from Earth to the boundary of the heliosphere. Ordinarily, the ship would have just slipped into the Dimensional Sea right in Earth orbit, but the Dimensional Sea was still dangerously turbulent closer to Earth than the heliopause. The effect of the turbulence had initially extended to a little way beyond the orbit of Neptune, but what I'd done with the Jewel Seeds and the resulting cracks in the fabric of the universe had made it much worse...