Chapter 1 part 1: In which the entire first half of the post consists of the story's premise...
Magical Girl and her Handler (SI)
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Chapter 1 part 1: In which the entire first half of the post consists of the story's premise.
You know how the song and dance goes. A girl makes a contract with a cute furry animal with large eyes, an amiable disposition, and the ability to fluently speak japanese/english for some reason. The cute furry animal then grants the girl magical powers with which she is able to do battle against various dastardly foes on a semi-regular basis.
Her powers are usually but not always fueled by love and friendship and they get a nice costume and magical implement, either a wand or a staff with which to gather ambient friendship/love energy to cast their spells.
It's a really fun job and occasionally it involves traveling around the world, seeing fun and exciting places and meeting fellow magical girls either to collaborate against a particularly powerful foe, joint training, or generally hanging out.
On top of all of the perks for their job, they get exemptions from school, they draw on a steady pay, and get all sorts of recognition, often ending up with large and doting fanbases. Oh yeah, don't forget the wish they get too. Sure there are some restrictions but the wish is a complementary add on to signing the contract.
Yes. It's pretty great to be a magical girl.
There's another system complementary to it though. There exists two systems, the Magical Girl System, and the Supporter System. Those in the supporter system have it far worse than the Magical Girl System.
A human male, usually unemployed and down on their luck, is confronted by an agent of ambiguous ethnicity in a shiny suit and reflective sunglasses and is offered a contract.
Upon accepting the contract, the family of the newly minted Supporter receives a stable, constant income and the supporter himself is given a stable income and some rudimentary powers but he is unfortunately pulled away from his family and sent to some far off place. The Supporter then has to battle the various mooks that the big bad inevitably brings with him/her/it and must fight in conjunction with some limited support from the country's military to prevent those mooks from getting at the civilian population while the local magical girl takes care of the big bad.
Unlike magical girls, supporters don't get magical implements to take care of casting for them. Instead of casting using the power of friendship and love, the supporter must use his own brainpower and intellect to formulate and cast the spell from a more tangible energy source. Such energy sources include the body's own chemical energy, an internal magical energy reservoir or perhaps a handy battery. Travel is not uncommon, but usually it's only when a situation elsewhere is dire and the travel is usually on a cargo plane or vessel.
It's pretty thankless work and the pay isn't all that great, enough for tuition, an apartment, living expenses, and equipment but not enough for much more than that.
There is an alternative though. If conditions are right, a check box appears on the contract that allows the Supporter to become a Magical Girl Handler.
I took that option.
It has been four years since that day.
------------------
"HOW MANY OF THESE BASTARDS ARE THERE!"
"Not much more! Keep firing!"
"Frag out!"
"There is a Walker right the fuck there!"
"Hold on! I'm setting up!"
"Hold on!?! Hold on to what?!"
"TOW on target!"
-----------------
So after another day at the office, I manage to pick up my pay and head to the supermarket in my car. It's a 2000 Honda Accord if you were wondering. I don't even think they service the things anymore, but it's good enough for me and I haven't gotten into a crash yet so it should be all good. Hmm. Walmart. It seems like they're pretty much everywhere these days. Whatever.
I walk past the magical girl at the entrance attempting to promote some charity or something, and entere the store. I snag a shopping cart on my way in.
Ground beef, eggs, milk, juice, cheese, coffee, coffee creamer, tea, english biscuits, american biscuit dough, pizza rolls, frozen pizza, bread, butter, chocolate soy milk, vegetables, various seasonings, fruits, air freshener, various cleaning supplies. Okay. Anything else I'm missing?
. . .
Bacon. Definitely bacon. I push my shopping cart, piled with all of my stuff, toward where all of the meats are. I get to the glorious bacon. Mmm. 30% off today huh? I'll take four of those.
I toss them into my cart before I spy one of my co-workers. She also spots me. I know this because she walks up to me.
"Hey Sam."
"Juliet."
Juliet. One of the few female supporters who had actually qualified for being a magical girl but had turned it down willingly. Female supporters weren't all that rare, but it's just that most of the time, they qualified for being magical girls and really, who would turn down that? Juliet apparently. Her father had been a supporter and she had seen him trying his best to be a good father while trying to balance his dangerous work with his relatively mundane home life. She watched the news and instead of the magical girl prominently displayed in the center, she would watch her father valiantly holding the line.
She followed in his footsteps and never looked back. Her father could never be prouder and she has never been unsatisfied with her life.
She looks really nice actually. She has long platinum blonde hair that falls down to her mid-back with piercing chocolaty brown eyes and she is clad in a blue scarf and a green turtleneck with her hands shoved into the pockets of her blue jeans.
I begin contemplating if I should keep buying more bacon.
"Rough day?"
"Pretty much." I grunt and nod. "My unit got called in to plug a cat 2 and it turned out to be a cat 4."
"Ouch. Anything interesting come out?"
"Yup. tank looking bugger with a flame throwery thing. Luckily Jeff managed to get a TOW online before we got roasted. Speaking of roasted."
"Yeah, you should probably grab some more of that Bacon. I doubt there's gonna be a sale that good again."
"Right. Sweet."
She rolls up her sleeve to check her watch. Its a nice thing. Brass plated with analogue and digital displays as well as various doodads built into it. She worked over time for a week to buy it and now she has it.
She cocks her head.
"I should go."
"Sure. Watch yourself on the way home."
As she leaves, I toss three more bacon packets into the cart.
You know how the song and dance goes. A girl makes a contract with a cute furry animal with large eyes, an amiable disposition, and the ability to fluently speak japanese/english for some reason. The cute furry animal then grants the girl magical powers with which she is able to do battle against various dastardly foes on a semi-regular basis.
Her powers are usually but not always fueled by love and friendship and they get a nice costume and magical implement, either a wand or a staff with which to gather ambient friendship/love energy to cast their spells.
It's a really fun job and occasionally it involves traveling around the world, seeing fun and exciting places and meeting fellow magical girls either to collaborate against a particularly powerful foe, joint training, or generally hanging out.
On top of all of the perks for their job, they get exemptions from school, they draw on a steady pay, and get all sorts of recognition, often ending up with large and doting fanbases. Oh yeah, don't forget the wish they get too. Sure there are some restrictions but the wish is a complementary add on to signing the contract.
Yes. It's pretty great to be a magical girl.
There's another system complementary to it though. There exists two systems, the Magical Girl System, and the Supporter System. Those in the supporter system have it far worse than the Magical Girl System.
A human male, usually unemployed and down on their luck, is confronted by an agent of ambiguous ethnicity in a shiny suit and reflective sunglasses and is offered a contract.
Upon accepting the contract, the family of the newly minted Supporter receives a stable, constant income and the supporter himself is given a stable income and some rudimentary powers but he is unfortunately pulled away from his family and sent to some far off place. The Supporter then has to battle the various mooks that the big bad inevitably brings with him/her/it and must fight in conjunction with some limited support from the country's military to prevent those mooks from getting at the civilian population while the local magical girl takes care of the big bad.
Unlike magical girls, supporters don't get magical implements to take care of casting for them. Instead of casting using the power of friendship and love, the supporter must use his own brainpower and intellect to formulate and cast the spell from a more tangible energy source. Such energy sources include the body's own chemical energy, an internal magical energy reservoir or perhaps a handy battery. Travel is not uncommon, but usually it's only when a situation elsewhere is dire and the travel is usually on a cargo plane or vessel.
It's pretty thankless work and the pay isn't all that great, enough for tuition, an apartment, living expenses, and equipment but not enough for much more than that.
There is an alternative though. If conditions are right, a check box appears on the contract that allows the Supporter to become a Magical Girl Handler.
I took that option.
It has been four years since that day.
------------------
"HOW MANY OF THESE BASTARDS ARE THERE!"
"Not much more! Keep firing!"
"Frag out!"
"There is a Walker right the fuck there!"
"Hold on! I'm setting up!"
"Hold on!?! Hold on to what?!"
"TOW on target!"
-----------------
So after another day at the office, I manage to pick up my pay and head to the supermarket in my car. It's a 2000 Honda Accord if you were wondering. I don't even think they service the things anymore, but it's good enough for me and I haven't gotten into a crash yet so it should be all good. Hmm. Walmart. It seems like they're pretty much everywhere these days. Whatever.
I walk past the magical girl at the entrance attempting to promote some charity or something, and entere the store. I snag a shopping cart on my way in.
Ground beef, eggs, milk, juice, cheese, coffee, coffee creamer, tea, english biscuits, american biscuit dough, pizza rolls, frozen pizza, bread, butter, chocolate soy milk, vegetables, various seasonings, fruits, air freshener, various cleaning supplies. Okay. Anything else I'm missing?
. . .
Bacon. Definitely bacon. I push my shopping cart, piled with all of my stuff, toward where all of the meats are. I get to the glorious bacon. Mmm. 30% off today huh? I'll take four of those.
I toss them into my cart before I spy one of my co-workers. She also spots me. I know this because she walks up to me.
"Hey Sam."
"Juliet."
Juliet. One of the few female supporters who had actually qualified for being a magical girl but had turned it down willingly. Female supporters weren't all that rare, but it's just that most of the time, they qualified for being magical girls and really, who would turn down that? Juliet apparently. Her father had been a supporter and she had seen him trying his best to be a good father while trying to balance his dangerous work with his relatively mundane home life. She watched the news and instead of the magical girl prominently displayed in the center, she would watch her father valiantly holding the line.
She followed in his footsteps and never looked back. Her father could never be prouder and she has never been unsatisfied with her life.
She looks really nice actually. She has long platinum blonde hair that falls down to her mid-back with piercing chocolaty brown eyes and she is clad in a blue scarf and a green turtleneck with her hands shoved into the pockets of her blue jeans.
I begin contemplating if I should keep buying more bacon.
"Rough day?"
"Pretty much." I grunt and nod. "My unit got called in to plug a cat 2 and it turned out to be a cat 4."
"Ouch. Anything interesting come out?"
"Yup. tank looking bugger with a flame throwery thing. Luckily Jeff managed to get a TOW online before we got roasted. Speaking of roasted."
"Yeah, you should probably grab some more of that Bacon. I doubt there's gonna be a sale that good again."
"Right. Sweet."
She rolls up her sleeve to check her watch. Its a nice thing. Brass plated with analogue and digital displays as well as various doodads built into it. She worked over time for a week to buy it and now she has it.
She cocks her head.
"I should go."
"Sure. Watch yourself on the way home."
As she leaves, I toss three more bacon packets into the cart.
This is just a personal preference, there's lots of good stuff out there that (cough LNs cough) intentionally does this for the sake of minimalism but I really dislike the Featureless Plane of Disembodied Dialogue.
Apart from that, I think it just needs more content to flesh it out. There's a period when reading something new/original where you're still getting a sense for the world and until it 'clicks' it's hard for it to be interesting. That's why I think when writing original setting stuff, it's better to start off with either a healthy backlog or a long first chapter.
Apart from that, I think it just needs more content to flesh it out. There's a period when reading something new/original where you're still getting a sense for the world and until it 'clicks' it's hard for it to be interesting. That's why I think when writing original setting stuff, it's better to start off with either a healthy backlog or a long first chapter.
DragooKnight11
[INAUDIBLE ANXIETY]
The dialogue could use a bit more description, It's barely even talking heads without the He said She said bits. I did draw some of the description from the intervening paragraphs though, that mitigated most of the barren dialogue for me. Everything else seems fine.
frozenchicken
Does not have a custom title.
It has potential, and isn't uninteresting, though you're going to need to write more if you wish to draw us in.
Also, did anyone else assume that this was going to be about a Protagonist ending up as a mascot animal?
Also, did anyone else assume that this was going to be about a Protagonist ending up as a mascot animal?
- Location
- the frozen north
I did, at least.
Also, yes. This is interesting, and tentatively watched in hopes of it living up to its potential.
InfiniteDaze
Too lazy to leave the house
- Location
- I wish I could stay
I thought the Protagonist would end up as the magical girl.
Should have known.
