I hate funerals. I hate saying good-bye, but that doesn't mean anything. Who likes to mourn their loved ones? Who wants to lose the people they love? It's not like people make a habit of swimming through their tears to the closed casket. At my age, I shouldn't have much of an opinion on the practice. I should've been to one, maybe two funerals, at my age. At this point I kind of lost count after the tenth one.
Another screech, another cry. It was on the attack again. 'It' being a witch. A monster, a funnel, an undulating mass of steel and rust. It hovers just a few meters overhead. It moves through empty space, its figure a malformed blur.
"Owain!" I call out to my black knight. He departs from my shadow, his sword raised, his figure stalwart. We raise our swords together.
We wait.
It swims through the air like a fish through water.
Owain moves right, I move left. I thrust my blade out as it passes by. Brown liquid bursts out, dyeing my armor a deep maroon.
Another swing. Metal screeches and bends.
It careens forward, spinning, reorienting itself for another attack. A second round.
The longer this fight went, the later I would be. As much as I hated funerals, I had to be there -- and this thing was in the way.
My grip tightens. "Once more, Owain! Let's go!"
We charge forward.
Steel clashes against steel.
Sparks rain.
The victor was decided.
The distorted world fades away as the witch's body vanishes into the ether. The moderate temperature of the witch barrier gives way to the frigid winds of winter. A snowflake lays on my outstretched hand. My armor dissipates into the air, reforming into a gray hood. I tighten the draw string and grasp the spoils of victory. One grief seed. My reward for a 'job' well done.
A job. The term was enough to make my uncle laugh, but it was true. Instead of an hourly wage or a salary, it was more commission based. To be fair, that wasn't accurate either. We didn't really have a proper employer. The 'job' was given to us by Kyubey, but he's not the one who pays us. It's more like contract employment which, again, makes sense since we're paid in a one-time miracle - a wish.
I rub my hands together for warmth, then tuck them into my sweater pockets. Snow scrunches underfoot.
I hate funerals. I thought I hated witches more, but I don't. With a witch, there's a chance to save lives. With a funeral, there's nothing to be done; that person is already gone. They have loved ones, and those loved one's have children, and if that child is a girl, you got a recipe for a magical girl. A wish to bring someone back to life, or a wish to make it so they never died to begin with. It's the kind of thing that makes me wonder if I wasted my wish. Given the opportunity for a miracle, a miracle someone would die for, I used it for myself.
My father left, my mother went and died, and my best friend vanished before my eyes. I had already made my wish. I couldn't undo any of it. I couldn't fix anything, even with my magic. All I could do was brace myself for reality's cruel indifference.
I stopped short as the funeral home came into view. People were still arriving. I wonder how many of them were close friends of my aunt. Well, not my aunt, but she may as well have been.
"
Good job, Midori." A voice echoes inside my head. An unwelcome one. Was it another witch? I certainly hope not.
I look down at the camouflaged Kyubey. It wasn't like he was trying to hide, but he blended in near perfectly with the white snow.
"Good job? I had to hunt a witch in someone else's territory." A fact I won't hear the end of. It was ten or twenty minutes ago that I went to hunt the witch. I was already at the funeral home, and I had to leave. I didn't want my friends to have to deal with it, and I didn't trust a random magical girl to do it either.
"
There's a witch," I said, sitting up from the bench.
"Sit down. We're not in our own territory." Ichigo said, her eyes narrowed.
"I'd rather avoid trouble."
"That's assuming that they'd get there in time." I argued. It was on an assumption, but I couldn't just let things go. I didn't want to leave innocent people in danger.
"If you're going to go, then go. Make sure not to cause more problems for us than we already have."
No one saw me, no one interrupted the fight. I wanted to think that I did a good job of being discreet. Take the witch and go. Kyubey didn't just come to congratulate me, did he?
"What is it?" I watch the traffic light above turn from green to orange. Cars on the street begin to stop.
"
The witches here have been quite active as of late."
"Really?" I beg the traffic light to change colors. If it turned red, I'd be able to escape this conversation. It was desperate, yes, but it was my only solace when conversing with him - especially when I had people waiting for me. "So, are there not enough magical girls in Kazamino?"
Asking the question prompted a forgotten memory. The only other magical girl in Kazamino that I knew of before I moved. The sister of a friend, Kyouko Sakura.
"
There should be, which is why this is strange."
"Is Kyo--" I stopped myself short. Was it a question I wanted answered? If I ask, and get my answer, that may kill whatever fleeting hope I had left she was okay. That they were okay. I heard about the home, about her parents. They never found their bodies. That meant they were still out there somewhere, right? I bite my tongue, shake my head, and get back on track.
Witches acting strange is a concern, but my hands are tied. It's not like I can act independently, considering I have a group, and this isn't our territory. It's as Ichigo said -- getting involved more than we have to will cause problems. "Did you come to ask us for help?" If he did, and the situation was bad, against my better judgment, I
may actually throw my hat into the ring.
"
It's more to warn you." He says.
"After all, there have been fewer witches appearing in Mitakihara and Asunaro."
Those were Kazamino's neighboring cities. I've never been to either for very long, but I know Mitakihara shares its city-limits, and Asunaro is a bit further away. Yamabuki was a little under two hours away. We wouldn't really notice much in the way of a 'witch drought' considering how out of the way we were. It got so bad that we had to make a habit of rationing magic and grief seeds.
"
Be on your guard, Midori. I'm going to keep checking around!"
"Alright, let me know if anything comes up." The light turns red. I push myself into a slight run, trying my best not to slip on the forming ice at my feet. Navigating through the crowd is easy enough. Passing over the sidewalk, I stare at the funeral hall. Walking forward, dreading every step, I eventually come to the door.
My fingers hover ever-so-slightly over the handle. I push my body forward to clasp the handle and open it. It doesn't budge.
I wonder where things went wrong. This entire thing was supposed to be an extended 'vacation', to see some family friends over the holidays. To bask in the light of the holiday spirit, exchanging gifts, laughing. Returning to my hometown of Kazamino was supposed to be fun.
Now I'm here, standing in front of a funeral home.
"Excuse us." A voice snaps me out of my stupor.
"Oh." I shake my head. "Sorry."
I open the door. A woman in black nods in thanks, and ventures inside. Her boyfriend or husband, I don't know which, follows behind her.
I didn't know them. They were probably part of my friend Noa's family. I was here as a friend. It felt odd. Like I didn't belong here, but at the same time I did. It takes me back to my mother's own funeral. It was big and extravagant. It felt like strangers were popping in to mourn someone they hardly knew. No tears were shed - they just sat in silence. When I thought of a funeral, I thought of something smaller, more intimate.
It was visiting a person's home, a max of a dozen people or so. Sharing stories of their lives and their accomplishment before the inevitable cremation. Talking about the stupid things they did, their habits, how they talked -- that sort of stuff. When I was living with Mom, the funerals were with extended family I never knew, Mom's co-workers or some other friend I didn't even know the name of.
They were all the same.
Each visit felt predicated. It bugged me. I felt out of place then as much as I do now. Then, after I started living with my uncle, it was my neighbors. When I went with mom, it felt like she was attending to save face for one reason or another. Make a good showing, make sure no one talked behind her back. It was as annoying as it was monotonous. I ended up going to every single one of them. I was a kid, along for the ride, never having a choice.
In the end, Mom's funeral was a lot like this one. Maybe that's what Mom wanted. I'll never know.
I finally opened the door. The stilted air melts the snow on my shoulders. I step inside, throw my hood down, and find the nearest seat. A red carpeted chair near the door. I sit down, lean back, and gaze out at the main room. More than a few dozen people. If I had to guess, maybe around 60 or so?
"There's way too many people here," I mumble to the open air.
"You're telling me." The air gives a curt reply.
"Oh, Yuu." I force a smile as I look up. I expect to see Yuu, but instead, a pair of red-stained eyes meet my gaze.
It was Noa, dressed in a black kimono. Yuu stood beside her, doing his best to pull off the black suit look. I want to make a joke to lighten the mood, but I refrain. Noa was suffering enough. I didn't want to torture her with my awful sense of humor.
"Noa." My eyes glue themselves to the ground, even as I try to pull my head up. I can't look at her. "I miss her too."
No words, only a sob.
She embraces me.
We hug.
"Hey, Noa. I think your uncle wants you," Yuu taps Noa's shoulder, pointing at a man across the way.
"We'll talk later, Midori." Noa betrays her words, reluctant to pull away.
"Noa." I grab her hands.
"I know." Noa realizes her mistake, ending the hug. "I'll go see what he wants."
"Are you good to go by yourself?" Yuu frowns.
"Yes, I'll be fine." Noa waves, straightening her shoulders as she walks across the room.
"She's still taking it hard." I whisper, sitting back down in the chair.
"Yeah." Yuu's shoulders slump. He leans against the wall next to me, running a hand through his hair. "I wish there was something I could do."
"I think you're doing everything you can." I pat him on the back. "All we can really do is be there for her."
"That's the part that sucks." Yuu clicks his tongue. "I hate this."
"I do too." I felt the same way. No amount of conversation made the topic less uncomfortable. The only thing we could actually do was just be around. Talk about whatever Noa wanted. Just let her know that things will be okay. It was little more than conciliation, but it's all that we really had.
I saw my uncle speaking with Noa's uncle. Noa joins in, almost feigning a laugh to make it seem like she was alright. A poor excuse for a facade. The pain was plain on her face. The conversation continues, but to what end I don't know. I can hardly make out what they're saying from here.
"Hey, Yuu, I--"
The words die in my throat. As I open my mouth, my head hurts. My vision blurs as my heart pounds in my ears. It felt like I was here, but wasn't. I'm standing in the alleway, fighting the witch, and venturing down the road. I talk to Kyubey, I walk up the steps, and stand in front of a restaurant instead of a funeral. A fast food place. An empty fast food place. I was talking to Ichigo and my uncle. We're waiting to meet Noa and Yuu.
"Midori?" Yuu says my name. I look around the room, but I can't see him. "Midori?" My name again. I blink, and the world goes dark. When I open my eyes, I'm sitting next to Yuu. Noa speaks to her uncle off in the distance. A procession of mourners venture from the ceremonial to the entrance.
"What?" Massaging my head does little to assuage the pain. "I-I'm fine. Just another episode."
"Again?" Yuu frowns. "They're getting more frequent. You sure you don't need to see the doctor?"
"I already went to the doctor." Didn't do much good. After a few rudimentary tests, I was told it was stress and I wasn't getting enough sleep.
"What did they say?" Yuu frowns.
"Stress and lack of sleep." I wave a hand."That's what they say, anyway. I don't know really know myself."
"Sounds rough."
"Rough or not, none of
this gets any easier."
"What doesn't?"
"This." I present the whole of the room to Yuu. The people standing at the funeral stage. The sobs echoing through the empty room. The casket decorated with flowers, clothes, and framed memories. "All of this."
"Right." Yuu bows his head. "Well, honestly, I'd consider Noa's aunt lucky."
"Having a funeral is
lucky?" I want to say more, but I stifle my thoughts. He might have a point. Let him speak.
"At least she's getting a funeral."
To anyone else, those words may have seemed insensitive. And, of course, they
were, but they meant something to me. To us.
Thanks for everything.
Chiyo's voice rings in my mind. It was sudden, as it always was. The daily sights of Yamabuki were enough to stir the memory. Walking where she walked, feeling the emptiness in the air. The sense that
something wasn't right. It had been a year, but I still felt it. The festering void that Chiyo left behind.
Her smile. The weight of her body left my grasp. It was well over a year ago, yet the memory is clear as day. There wasn't a body. She was gone to the world. To her remaining family, she was just missing. We couldn't say anything. Couldn't reveal what had truly happened, because no one would believe us if we had.
"I guess in moments like this, even I forget." I mumble.
"I do too. Still doesn't feel real."
"Sometimes I think I wasted my wish." I shake my head. If I waited, then I may have been able to save Chiyo, maybe even Aunt Aiko. Just someone other than myself. "If I never contracted, I might've been able to--"
"Don't start talking like that." Yuu interrupts, his voice stern.
"Why not?" I frown. "I didn't help anyone. I was given a miracle, and I just…"
"You feel like you squandered it?" Yuu pulls his arm back, placing it on the back of my chair. "I don't know, I think your magic is pretty cool."
"That's not what I meant. I mean, my wish didn't help anyone."
"Helped you, didn't it?"
I pause. I try thinking of a rebuttal as a matter of course, but I have nothing. I don't have leg a to stand on. Nothing to argue.
"I mean, where does it say your wish has to help someone?" Yuu smiles, satisfied with my silence. "I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but is that part of the contract or whatever?"
"No." I throw my hands up in surrender. "Not that I know of, anyway. I've never asked, but if it was that important, I think it probably would've been mentioned."
"So there you go." He says. "You're putting a lot of pressure on yourself. You're young, you've got time to figure things out."
"Yuu, you're seventeen. Stop talking like you're forty."
"I think it's just a force of habit." Yuu pulls himself off the wall to massage his back. "Babysitting you guys must be taking its toll."
Babysitting? The idea was enough to make me laugh, but the dreary atmosphere clamps my mouth shut. If I laughed, I would make a mockery of the proceedings. People preferred to mourn in silence. That was until they started praising the path the deceased walked and the model life they believed they lived. They're molding a caricature of the person they once knew. So much so that you might wonder if the real person ever knew how much they were loved. Some people save their words for their passing, others will speak it openly so there's no regrets after.
I wish I could live a life without regrets, but knowing
me, that wasn't possible. Not in this lifetime, or whatever was in the next.
"Yuu." Noa walks over, her face now dry from the tears. "I want to introduce you to Kaworu."
"Alright." Yuu walks toward Noa, his hands now resting in his pockets. "You coming?" He pivots toward me.
[_] I'll go. It beats sitting here doing nothing.
[_] Ichigo might be up to some mischief, so I should probably go check on her. I'll decline.
[_] I prefer being alone, especially at times like this.
[_] Write-in
