So, this is not a proper update but I did want to get around to doing this eventually.
I enjoyed this omake. It's very silver age in a good way while at the same time modernizing and reimagining certain elements. It's a lot of fun and I'm happy to see it. That being said I don't think it can be canonized as is. The big issue comes down to Egghead and his involvement. The omake is perfectly functional as a non-canon omake but if you want to attempt to canonize it I do have some suggestions on changes that could be made.
I won't threadmark it quite yet as I'd like to here back from Kir the Wizard as to whether or not he wants to edit things but this omake is most certainly good enough to earn 300 exp (and non-canon status).
As always, I'll be glad to work on fixing up the continuity issues.
So, to start things off with a positive, I love this turn of phrase. I don't know how much of it was intentional but the fact that preachers, witches and charlatans were all compared to one another is kind of funny to me and I think it's excellent at setting up the tone as both dramatic and yet at the same time comedic. I like this section and wanted to comment on it.
Small error here but it should be "your wars"
This right here is also just a fantastic little bit of character interaction. Kuznetsov is not a character I'm familiar with at all but he comes through fantastically here and his acting as the straight man to Costello works fantastically here. What I think really makes the humor shine is that while Kuznetsov is somewhat the butt of the joke and needs to have things explained to him, he never comes off as buffoonish and is actually rather likeable. The relationship between the two of them comes through clearly even though next to nothing is elaborated on their thoughts of one another. It's really solid dialogue that does a lot of showing instead of telling and I want to commend it.
Kuznetsov is an OC I introduced in my first Costello omake, where he was a bit more of a serious military type. In this story I actually intended for him to be a bit buffoonish, showing him weakening under pressure, obviously not in control. The first opening rant in the story is sort-of from his perspective, showing his lack of belief in the supernatural and "weird", contrasting him to the weird characters of the story. Since this is very much a continuation of Costello's story, I really wanted the supportive characters to help out in his growth. I introduced Costello as a "hypercompetent minion", and with the characters put into a crisis situation this issue further intensified: his boss feels doomed and loses competence, but tries to hang onto objective reality as he sees it, while Costello goes weird, but stays more-or-less in control the whole way through.
If you want to make Costello even more in the know you could have him mention that they didn't tip their hand with the old Red Shadows stuff. I imagine Costello would be potentially aware of the Red Shadows especially considering the fact that they did stuff like approaching Ivan Illyich Gort again (whom Costello almost certainly knows of/has files on). You don't have to mention any specifics but I think if you want to include a little more things you can namedrop the not so defunct organization by Costello, especially since they're organizing a lot of Russia's metahuman elements as of now.
Added a little bit. I thiiiink it doesn't go against the previous omake?
On my first readthrough of the omake I actually didn't notice this subtle little bit of foreshadowing as to who was coming. It's almost a sort of written filmography and I enjoy finding this stuff on a second readthrough as little touches like this do enhance things overall. Admittedly now I have to question if the khachapuri is also a reference of some kind (I don't think it's a way of obliquely referring to Olga) but that's not exactly a negative.
Not to Olga, I simply wanted to include some food popular in Eastern Europe (in this case, Georgian cuisine, which you can buy plenty in Ukraine, with Georgian diaspora operating whole chains of Georgian bakeries), but then noticed how the top picture on English language Wikipedia for khachapuri was the Ajarian-style "egg boat", and decided that was perfect for the story.
Is this a reference to the old Sonic Adventure 2, Eggman theme? The chorus of the theme literally goes "I am the Eggman, that's what I am, I am the Eggman, I've got the master plan" so if the reference isn't intentional, it's a very close coincidence. Rereading this omake and searching for these little easter eggs is always a treat.
Certainly! I love Dr. Robotnik, probably my favourite video game character of all time, and the egg them immediately made me think of him. The Egg-o-Matic is actually an alternate name for his flying Eggmobile, used in one of the early cartoons and in some manuals.
This is the part that needs to be altered. Dr. Edgar Heed as of now is not really known as a criminal and hasn't gone on many daring heists. Additionally, the second complication is the implication that Egghead moved to Ukraine in order to assist in this operation. That is very problematic as Egghead is Gotham based and the city is currently locked down by Brainiac (and I can't necessarily say when it'll be free of Brainiac's forces).
That being said I do think that there are ways to potentially amend things so that it could be canon. Simply have Edgar Heed be introduced as a "polyglot, biologist, robotics engineer and er, the world's greatest egg enthusiast" who has strong ties to the labs that discovered the metagene and several interesting theories/ideas on biological engineering. Additionally, the bit about him "agreeing to follow my lead" can be kept but I think a line or so about how Edgar Heed was in Ukraine (potentially on unrelated business or already in discussions with Costello regarding metahuman developments and working for the Ukranian government) before the invasion occurred (hence why he and Olga are a package deal and how they got to Costello during the invasion).
This actually doesn't need to change and it potentially provides a way to fix a few of the issues presented before while also invalidating some of my earlier points (I'm going to keep them up though since I don't want to reedit this thing any more than necessary).
You've got a hypothetical timeline looking like this for what happened
- Egghead and Olga meet in the US
- Olga goes back to the Ukraine
- Olga recruits "Cossacks" and makes use of technology Egghead provided her with
- Olga goes on a crime-spree
- Ukranian authorities learn of Olga and she eventually gets captured (potentially by Costello)
- Egghead learns of Olga's arrest and travels to Ukraine
- Once in Ukraine, Egghead commits some kind of crime in order to get Olga out and potentially joins up with her for a bit
- Costello encounters Egghead, fights him and offers him a deal which Egghead and Olga accept
- Brainiac arrives and begins his invasion
- Costello calls in Egghead and Olga to help with the invasion after being given the go ahead
This way you get to keep Egghead as a criminal of some stripe while not rendering things inherently non-canon by making him too big and it solves the issue of how Egghead got there very neatly. I think this is the ideal solution. The timeline I've present of course could be tweaked and altered as needed to suit your purposes narratively but I think the structure I've presented best accomplishes what you want it to while not inherently violating any of the preexisting canon.
You can cut this down to just Ukraine. Egghead is not wanted in the United States or in Canada and so him needing a pardon for them would render the omake non-canon.
That's actually quite close to how I imagined it. Just cut down references to his prior villainly, and it will work.
Hey, this even makes their romance better. Instead of simply copying the original's blind infatuation, it's a genuine exchange of qualities: Egghead armed Olga with tech, while she introduced him into the thrilling world of crime as an alternative to his previous more-or-less boring life.
Keep in mind that I am not an expert in military ranks the world over but if Costello is "just" a corporal than he's extremely low ranking to a weird degree. Like I think that being a corporal in the US military would put him at the lowest possible ranking of a NCO in the US army/Marines.
It makes sense that he's not a commissioned officer (he's not really a commander of other units per se) but considering how important he is to national defense it feels like he should at least be a sergeant of some stripe. Granted Ukranian military rankings might be different and the character calling him a corporal doesn't necessarily know his real rank (and could potentially be willing to just make it up when calling for him). It's not a problem for the omake on its own (this doesn't to be changed for the omake to be made canon) but it is a bit of potentially unintentional weirdness going on that I feel you ought to be aware of.
Of course I'm aware of it, which is why Costello thinks about being promoted and is unhappy with Kuznetsov's leadership. This was actually the greatest challenge for me in this arc, since Costello is a canon character. Why is he ranked "corporal"? I guess because his role in the comic is the muscle, the "cool spetsnaz soldier dude amongst the Blackhawks", not so much an officer. The comic is pretty weird (like the idea that people in Ukraine think red hair is so rare, that a redhead must be Irish... lolwut?). I did not want to go too much against the comic's portrayal, so I decided to work with the idea that he is in this interesting position, where he is simultaneously a potentially disposable scapegoat, a hyper-competent minion that is obviously more of a leader than his boss, and maybe even a potential shadowy "man behind the man" (as Kuznetsov says he's banked his career on Costello's success - maybe there is an unspoken agreement that was in place between the two, where Costello gets actual control over secret mission, while Kuznetsov reaps the glory?). Maybe his rank is deliberately lower than his actual responsibilities in the group for obfuscation reasons. Maybe Costello was part of the plot I set up where the SBU worked to become the "deep state", influencing the country's politics regardless of whatever government gets elected (note that Kuznetsov is a high-level general in the SBU, but he is not the top agency executive, which is selected by the President, and is thus a changeable figure), and he is deliberately being kept low-ranked so as not to reveal him as part of the conspiracy. You can run with any of these ideas for an explanation.
My own perception is that Costello is interested in the success of his missions more than in his ranks, or politics, and Kuznetsov, noticing his competence, decided to become his patron in the SBU, rising in power himself (as he claimed credit for successful missions), while keeping Costello close, but not to highly ranked, so that he'll do missions, give advice, and report primarily to him. Costello was fine with that, as he wasn't in it for the glory/recognition, but now that he saw how distressed Kuznetsov became under pressure, he may wish to become more independent / rise in the ranks himself. Or, alternatively, he makes it clear to Kuznetsov that the only reason the general is staying in the agency is because Costello would rather be the man behind the man than paint a target on himself.
I'm fairly certain the last name is an original invention of yours. Thats perfectly fine, I just would like to know if there's any meaning to the last name given to her as I'm curious about it.
It's an uncommon, but real last name, relatively meaning "offsrping of a Hetman". Hetman was the title of supreme military commanders in the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth and Cossack Ukraine, and every single "Cossack revival" group called their leader a Hetman. Think of "top Cossack military officer and ruler" (simply a military officer would be an "Ataman / Otaman").
Should be "now raising"
This would probably need to be changed for the omake to be canon. insted of "bank robbers" maybe "a bank robber and a professor" or "A bank robber and her foreign bedmate" or something along those lines would work better?
This needs to be edited. I think that it should be rewritten as "Costello was presenting these jolly would be saviors of the day mostly out of amusement"
Probably needs to be changed if you want it to be canon but it's dependent on what you have the general call them.
This sentence has is grammatically incorrect as it switches tenses. "Has heard" is not actually past tense and instead is functionally present tense (it's something called present perfect tense if I remember correctly). Additionally, the way it is structured as of now, the group hearing another series of explosions comes off as though it's part of the same list of things Egghead is doing which isn't really correct. The sentence ought to be rewritten as follows "Egghead took out an egg-shaped control device and pressed two buttons. The group heard another series of explosions".
Changed. Not sure what happened here.
What is Olga attempting to communicate here? This portion comes off as fairly unclear to me. Is she informing the SBU chief that the Egg-o-Matic Mark 2 "shoots blasters"?
I guess I wasn't "cinematic" enough here. Basically, she's accentuating her scepter, trying to show that it's not just a random mace, but a weapon, meaning she can handle herself with a blaster. I intended to make her remark here somewhat silly-sounding and abrupt, but apparently did too much. Reworking it.
I think this should be "what my darling means to say" if you want to be as grammatically correct as possible. This type of mistake/conjugation is indicative of people who are translating another language fairly directly into English (I know that my parents make this mistake a fair bit when translating from Hebrew to English). This isn't necessarily a bad thing to leave in Olga's speech as it gives her a bit of a distinct voice that emphasizes that she might not be a native English speaker whilst still being perfectly comprehensible (I actually wouldn't change it if I were asked to update the omake) but I figured you ought to know so you can come to your own determination about it.
I did not intend for them to speak in English in-character here, so I'll change it.
This makes me nostalgic and happy. I do have a suggestion for how it could potentially be improved as a song. "World" and "lode" is a massive slant rhyme. As such if you were attempting to seriously make it into a song I would suggest rewriting it as:
"To prevent destruction across the globe!"
"To protect the world's rarest species..."
"Our love and truth is a rascal's motherlode!"
Since "globe" and "lode" while still technically a slant rhyme, is less of one. That being said this doesn't need to be changed and it's fine as is.
Additionally, I do like Costello's inclusion. I cut it at a point that makes the reference even more obvious but I still like how it felt fairly natural and it was a good play on words in order to complete the setup and deliver the iconic final line without compromising Costello's character.
It's an amazing cartoon (I'm actually rewatching it right now), and I tried to keep the lines in such a way that they'd reference both the English version and the Japanese original, but I love your rhyme, so I changed it, thanks.
And that is a reference to a fairly famous Spiderman comic that involves Sauron and the cure for cancer. I honestly feel like the joke here lands better with Egghead than with Sauron (Sauron doesn't even want to make people into dinosaurs half the time, he's literally one half of a Jekyll and Hyde scenario with Dr. Karl Lykos).
Definitely, that panel is much better out of context than it is when you look at Sauron's character (I don't think he's even primarily a Spider-Man foe, more of an X-Men villain, isn't he?). A deliberately campy genius like Egghead works better with this "absent-minded wacky scientist villain" quote.
I do appreciate that dinosaurs were still involved though.
I think this line sums up why I love this omake. It manages to capture the fun of the silver age and the camp of the old Batman show. Camp is incredibly hard to do well as you've got to walk a fine line between serious and ridiculous but this omake nails it. It's oftentimes easier to just lean in heavily to the comedic aspects of something written to be funny but the fact that Costello is written as a completely serious individual really makes this much funnier and more effective in my opinion. While Egghead is awesome and Olga is a fantastic reinvention of the character, for me the star of this omake (at least after multiple readthroughs) is Costello. His personality absolutely shines in this omake and I am excited to potentially try my own hand at writing the character later on down the line.
Despite the use of Batman'66 characters, I tried to make it more like the Flash's Silver Age comics, where instead of wackiness for the sake of wackiness, it instead uses an acceptable break from reality to present the readers with a crazy, yet epic, scenario (like a mad genius creating a dinosaur horde).
I'm really glad you liked Costello the most, as that was mostly my intention. Olga and Edgar are the stars here, of course, the larger-than-life personalities, but it's Costello's decision to make use of them in this plot, and his handling of the situation (in which he's sort of "Batmanning", appearing freaky to the more normal general, but at the same time being the straight man to bombastic villains) that is the central to a continuing story. I'm very, very happy that you'll be working on him (and maybe some other Blackhawks?) in the future.
The numerous easter eggs and references to other stuff was a lot of fun for me to comb through and as someone who does a lot of similar stuff themselves I enjoyed trying to find a good deal of this stuff.
There are a few issues currently preventing it from being canonized as is, but I gave potential fixes as well as a hypothetical timeline that I think comes as close as possible to this omake. This omake could easily earn 300 exp but I'm going to hold off on doing much with it since I want to wait for Kir to respond one way or another and confirm whether the omake will be left as is or whether it'll be updated so that it could become canon.
Thank you very much. I think I mostly trimmed up the issues regarding Egghead's timeline, adding your version of his backstory (how he met Olga in the U.S. and followed her to Europe).
