The one who, by order of the Great Master, is setting in writing the high and noble story of the Grail first sends greetings to all those men and women who believe in the glorious Holy Trinity, that is, the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit—the Father, who creates and gives life to all things; the Son, who delivers all those who believe in Him from perpetual pain and brings them to the high joy without end; the Holy Spirit, who sanctifies and purifies good things.
Now this is a rather common opening in medieval literature, dedicating the work to god. It is however especially fitting for a book dealing with a pseudo-religious theme like the Holy Grail. (I say 'pseudo-religious' since the actual church wasn't amused by authors connecting biblical themes with a genre that even at that time was mostly regarded as alt-history fantasy stories.)
I like how the story is explicitly marketed towards men and women, the writer clearly wants a big audience.
What follow is a lengthy explanation on why the author wants to remain anonymous:
- Since this is The Best Story Ever™ it would be boastful and make all the other writers jealous.
- The author is so humble that people who know him wouldn't take the story seriously.
- He doesn't want to be blamed for copying and translation errors.
Such a humble person this author.
Then he explains how he learned this story: 'Seven hundred seventeen years after the Passion of Jesus Christ' in the middle of the night before Good Friday a beautiful man appeared in the authors dream and promptly explained him how the Holy Trinity works. (Is that why he talks about that in the opening?)
The man introduces himself as 'The Great Master' who is the perfect teacher and he will explain everything unknown to the author. He doesn't explain anything however, instead he presents a small book that supposedly contains mysterious truths. He also gives a warning:
Inside are My secrets, which I Myself put there with My own hand, that no man might see if he be not purged beforehand by confession and by three days of fasting with bread and water; and after that he must speak in such way that he speaks the language of the heart and not that of the mouth. For these secrets cannot be named by any mortal tongue, lest all the four elements be disturbed: it will rain blood, and there will be other marvels; the air will be troubled, the earth will shake visibly, and water will change its color.
Okay... is this a christian text or the Necronomicon? Maybe the author had the right idea with remaining anonymous.
The Great Master continues explaining the spiritual benefits of reading his magic booklet including this tidbit:
[...]nor will anyone who has held and seen this little book one time die a sudden death, no matter what sin he has committed in this life. This is the joy of the Soul.
And that's just a book (presumably)
about the Grail!
There's an explosion of light and our nameless narrator wakes up with the catastrophes causing, soul saving book in his hands. He immediately starts reading without any of the fasting or confessions he was supposed to do. Nothing bad happens. Is continuity within the same
page too much to ask for?
The book seems to have four sections:
"This is the beginning of your lineage."
Apparently all the narrators ancestors were saints and heroes, but he doesn't name any because he is so humble.
"The Book of the Holy Grail begins here."
When I had read until past noon and it was probably the hour of nones, I found another that said: "This is the beginning of fears." I began to read what came after this, seeing things that were terribly fearsome and frightful, and God knows I saw them with great fear, nor would I ever have dared to continue if He by whose commandment all living things are moved had not directed me to do so. After having seen a number of marvelous things, I found the fourth title which said: "This is the beginning of the Marvels." And then I began to think very hard.
I have also thought very hard and this is now a Let's Read of a Let's Read!
Then a ray of fire from the heavens fries the authors brain and the world goes dark for a time. Reading was a dangerous business in the
13th 8th century.
A sweet smell and invisible voices appear that repeat the refrain:
"May honor, glory, power and force forever be with the destroyers of death and the restorers of eternal life."
A loud voice orders:
"Stop thinking, get up, and go return to God what you owe Him, for it is certainly time."
This was apparently a warning that he spent nine hours in bed, reading his new book, and that he might want to do other stuff on Good Friday. He goes to church but is suddenly kidnapped by an angel who takes him to the third heaven which is explicitly 'one hundred thousand times as' awesome as any place on earth. On the next level our author sees god but spends most of the paragraph explaining how his experience doesn't contradict the bible, specifically John 1, 18.
He returns home and locks his book in a small chest. Three days later he wants to read it, but it is gone. A voice explains that he has to go on a quest before he gets it back:
When you have left here, you will enter a path leading to the main road; this will take you to the Stone of the Capture. There you will take a path to the right leading to the Seven Roads, in the plain of Post Valley. When you come to the Fountain of Tears, where the great killing happened long ago, you will find an animal such as you have never seen, Take care that you follow it where it leads you. And when you have lost it, you will enter the land of Norwegia. There you will finish your quest, and then you will learn for what task the Great Master sends you there, because before then you will not know."
So a fetch quest to get the actual quest. Also lol at the 'you won't know your goal until it is told to you' part. The Norwegia mentioned here is supposed to be the western part of Scotland occupied by the vikings.
The author wanders through the Valley of the Dead where he once so a duel between the best knights in the world. Considering this whole chapter is about his backstory we still don't know anything about him...
He finds the animal:
I would have you know that it was variegated in every way: it had the head and neck of a sheep, and these were as white as new snow; and it had the feet, legs, and thighs of a dog, and all this was as black as coal; and it had the breast and body and rump of a fox and the tail of a lion.
This... thing leads Mr. Author to a hermit who demands to be blessed by him and he quickly spins some bullshit story about how awesome he is. The next day the weird animal shows him the Pine of Adventures and a spring beneath it:
It was unlike any other spring I had ever heard of, for the gravel was red like blood and hot like fire, while the water was as cold as ice; and three times a day it turned as green as an emerald and as bitter as the sea, the bitterness lasting as long as the sea.
A rider appears and brings Narrator-kun a napkin, eggs, a 'very white cake' and a goblet with barley beer, all presents from 'she who was rescued by the Knight of the Golden Circle on the day that the person you know saw the great marvel'.
The next day he meets two knights and a squire. One of the knights recognizes the author but he denies everything. The authors fear of recognition is really becoming a thing, was he a criminal or something?
The animal brings him out of the forest to a convent of nuns at the Queen's Lake. It's finally confirmed that the author is a priest although he seems to be ashamed to admit it. He goes on and finds a letter from the Great Master with further instructions and the animal disappears.
A terrible scream sounds from a small chapel on a hill and our priestly narrator enters it to find an unconscious man who is possessed by the devil. On the altar lies the magic book which allows the author to perform an exorcism. The devil wants to leave through his victims mouth but is told to go out through the bottom. Really. An army of demons appears but they are powerless against the book and the poor devil has to evacuate the man's bowels and disappears.
The victim introduces himself as a hermit on a paleo diet. The Great Master sends a fruit delivery and after nine days of care he is healthy again.
When the good man escorted me to the gate, we saw the animal that had led me, and he asked me what this could be. I told him I had no other guide, and that it was sent by God. He said it was good to serve such a Lord, who knew so well to guide people in his work
Yes, mutant animals, the most divine of navigation methods. Also the thing is invisible to anyone but author-priest and diet-hermit.
Back home with the book a vision of the Great Master tells him that he has until the feast of ascension to copy the book before it will disappear forever. The rest of the History of the Holy Grail is that copy.
So what did we learn today? Medieval DRM was hardcore, chimeras make good guides, strange priests you meet on the road are to be trusted and remember, always exorcise the devil through the butt instead of the mouth.
