1.2
Monday morning dawned bright and clear, the weak winter sun doing nothing to alleviate the cold that had deepened yet again. I actually sighed with relief when I walked through the doors and into Winslow, a reaction that would have been unthinkable under almost any other consequence. The furnace was doing its job wonderfully as I walked through the crumbling forty year old corridors, even as I yawned, last night having been slightly later than usual as I'd worked with Dad on a radio he said belonged to Gramps.
Opening my locker with a few deft flicks of my wrist, I dumped most of my books into it. Keeping stuff in your locker over the school day was generally okay, in my experience, but leaving anything there over the weekend was begging for something to happen to it, like when some skinheads put paint bombs in a couple dozen back in October. As such, every monday morning and friday afternoon I shuffled too and from school, almost bent double under the weight. Dumping my coat and gloves in there, I grabbed a few tissues and blew heavily into them until my eyes started watering. I'd had a vague malaise settle over me since Christmas break, and I was starting to get annoyed that it wouldn't resolve into an actual cold which I could get over, or just go away.
Shaking my head fitfully, I double checked I had all the books I needed - Mr Quinlan was notorious for giving detentions if you'd forgotten yours, even if it was just in your locker - and smiled as I saw the black rod tucked away in one corner of my backpack. I'd still not managed to get the same feeling that I'd gotten with the spear, even with a few extra tries last night, but it was still reassuring to have it nearby. As far as I could tell, it just looked like a vaguely crystalline stick, nothing that could reveal it as tinkertech.
Of course, if they started looking through people's bags for weapons the Teachers would find enough knives to start a cutlery store, so it wasn't going to happen. Slamming the locker and starting the long walk to homeroom holding my bag - there was a block of lockers like, ten meters away from it, but for
some reason we were assigned the ones basically at the other end of school - I happily sunk into ideas for what I was going to do this week.
With my spear proving to give me… powers, I guess, I was a lot more prepared than I thought I'd been. I'd triggered sometime over Christmas break, I think, which would make it almost a month and a half since I'd had them. The spear almost seemed like it was giving me a disguise, but I still needed a mask, because even with the physical change I was still pretty much Taylor Hebert, just one with hair dye and a straightener, too wide mouth and all. I'd made my costume, if you could call it that, a few weeks ago, although it was basically just a warm coat and set of trousers, in a deep purple, with a black "half cape" over one shoulder that wasn't me just repurposing the cape from my seven year old Alexandria hallowe'en costume.
I started considering if I could just tinker up a mask, and had been considering if I could do anything for that when I rounded a corner and flat up walked into someone. Ignoring the chuckles of the people around me - something I had far too much experience with at this school - I grabbed at the pens and loose change that had fallen out of my pockets as quickly as I could, before hurriedly standing up.
Sophia Hess stared back at me, a pen in her hand. Sophia had been one of the worst people in my life last year, but the summer between Sophomore and Junior year had changed her, and Emma too. The few rumours that I heard said that Emma and Sophia had a fight over the holiday, but I didn't really know anything. She'd grown, too, and was probably the next tallest girl in school after myself - although I was still beaten out by a few Seniors (and one Brobagingian frosh). What was more notable, especially when she'd rolled up the sleeves of her usual button-down shirts as she had now, was her muscles. She had a runner's build, but even then you could still see the slight cords of muscles in her forearms. No wonder she apparently didn't attend track competitions with the rest of the team but had her own competitions she was going to.
"Are you just going to look at it, Hebert, or are you going to take it?"
I blinked, looking up at her and not her arms, and responded with an eloquent "huh?"
"Your pen," she said, waving it an inch from my nose. "Because if you don't want it I'll take it."
"Oh, uh, no, uh, thanks for picking it up." I took it, stashing it in my pocket with the rest (my pencil case having been ruined with glue a week ago) and tried smiling slightly at her.
"Whatever. Just fucking look where you're going next time, Hebert."
I nodded as she stalked off like a proud cat, sticking her hands in her pockets and loudly asking what everyone was 'fucking staring at her for'. Slipping away, I took the distraction she was providing to get to homeroom.
Junior year had been a bit of a mixed bag for me so far. Sure, Sophia had drifted away from Emma which meant less shoving in corridors and being beaned with 'misaimed' softballs in PE, but Charlotte had stepped into her spot excellently, pairing with Madison to come up with a wider range of social snubs and methods to feel isolated than I knew existed. Although, that was kind of the point, wasn't it? But I had powers now, and I was more used to it all.
Slipping past a bunch of chinese girls loudly talking about a party, I took my customary seat in homeroom - one row off the back and far to the side, near the door - and took out my books. Today felt like a good day, my slight ill feeling notwithstanding. Nobody had harassed me in the halls and Sophia had been vaguely polite to me. Today was going to be a good day.
---
Slamming the key home, I let myself into my house and just slid down the wall after closing it shut behind me.
Today had been an awful day. I ran my hands through my hair, feeling a few more spitballs tangled there and screaming, a wordless shout of frustration just pouring out of me.
Blinking back the tears that threatened to flood my vision and tightening the grip on my hair I started mentally counting to ten, while trying to focus on something good that had happened today for each number. Remember the good things, remember the good things, Taylor.
One. Sophia picked up my pen for me. Two. I got an A on the last piece of homework for Mr Quinlan. Three… I successfully submitted my coursework for my computing class. Four…. I had a nice cookie with my lunch?
Oh, fuck this, like I have ten things.
I kicked out, sending the umbrella stand clattering to the floor, scrubbing at my face as the tears rolled down. Fuck, fuck, fuck,
fuck. I hated myself for being hated, and then I hated myself for hating myself. Is this what a hero would do? Go home after idiot girls said idiot things and cry about what they said? I pushed the heel of my palm into my eyes and rubbed at them until they started to feel raw, trying to breathe regularly.
Come on, Taylor. You're better than this. You're better than them. They're going to go to winslow, get a shitty retail job and marry some dumbass and achieve nothing of value. You're going to be a hero! I'm going to be a hero! I will make the world a better place! It doesn't matter what they say about you, you'll prove them all wrong easily. They don't know anything about you. They don't know who you really are.
…. Why then, why does it hurt so bad when they hate me?
---
It was Wednesday afternoon before I felt up to the task of trying to prepare for my first outing as a hero again. Dad was out extra long tonight, a regular dinner with the union higher ups at one of their houses. I think it was Percy hosting, this time. It didn't really matter.
I'd assembled everything I had in front of me, as well as all the materials I'd squirrelled away. I'd decided against going out in my horrid attempt at a costume, and so it was down here as well, in case I thought of a better way to use it. Mostly, I was here to try to make a mask. Masks were important for heroes. Not only did they hide their identities and thus allow for a separation between their civilian and cape lives - although a little voice in my head brought up Liam's words - but they also were what they were recognised by. Miss Milita's flag, Armsmaster's helmet (and beard), even Oni Lee's opera mask were all instantly recognisable when you saw them on TV, on merchandise, or spray painted fifteen feet high on the side of a water tower.
Plus, I was holding out hope for something that would be useful, as well. My dad had given me a little canister of pepper spray a while ago, and I wanted something that would protect me from that. I'd be a terrible hero if anyone could defeat me with a thirty dollar bottle of pepper spray.
And so, I sat at my bench and focused. I'd gotten a bit of a handle on my power after my first failed attempt at tinkering produced the wand (although I still held out hope it might be useful one day) and had managed to produce my spear. However, I'd only started reading up on what other tinkers were like afterwards, where I noticed the difference. Most tinkers, apparently, started tinkering with an aim in mind or something they wanted to do, and produced their tinkertech like this (although there were great debates about if certain tinkers did do this, such as Dragon or some chinese thinker called Ashul Macseth I'd never heard about did this). Others just took stuff they already had and improved it, adding on new capabilities and functions, but were still fundamentally limited by what they started with.
I, however, did neither. When I focused on materials or even saw particular ones, I got vague flashes of dozens of weapons I could make with them, each one having a few vague feelings associated with each one. However, when I actually focused on crafting, the same images came flooding back. The first few times I'd tried crafting anything, the number of possibilities had been too overwhelming, and I'd given myself plenty of headaches. But it was better now. Focusing on the plans in my head, I discarded the ones that oozed menace and danger. Some of the plans felt sharp in my head, like they'd be dangerous to even me if I used them. Others just had vague shapes and almost felt insulted by the materials I had in front of me. Perhaps when I joined the Protectorate, I could build them.
Ignoring the upper layers of my designs (which, thankfully, was where almost all of the sharp ones were), I focused, trying to feel if anything felt like they had a mask. A couple of ideas flashed past, but they didn't feel substantial, and one felt the same as my wand so I threw it away. But there was a vague feeling in my mind, like a sense that someone was looking at me through a frosted window. No, that wasn't quite right. It was more like hearing someone talking about something you were thinking about, but looking around and seeing no-one there.
I grimaced, displeased at my own analogies. I was the daughter of an English professor, but english simply lacked the words for it. Powers were like that, sometimes. I kept mentally trying to focus on that strange feeling, to bring it closer. Until suddenly, something clicked, or twisted, and all the designs flickered, new ones appearing, thudding into my head with beats of pain. They weren't in layers, like my other designs were, beyond a dozen or so seeming to float on the top and as unimpressed with my materials as the upper layers of the other designs were.
I sighed, and pulled a small stack of white tiles towards me, ones that looked like the bathroom's walls. The new designs felt like they had masks in abundance, and so I pulled a few of them to the forefront of my mind, trying to get a mental feel for them. Smiling, I started to get to work, grabbing a hacksaw and starting to cut away at the tiles.
---
The mask sat on the table, and I sighed. It was white, almost featureless, and perfectly sized to fit my head. It also had a black mark just above the eyes that was just refusing to come off, and one that I couldn't remember making. I'd finished the mask first, and set it to the side, before grabbing the coat and… had I hit it with my elbow? I twisted my arms about, trying to see if there was a corresponding mark on my sleeves, but couldn't see anything.
The costume, in comparison, had been a much greater success. I'd somehow turned a purple coat, trousers, and a few other items into a green hooded jacket that had some emblem on the side, with gloves (black with a yellow trim and some grippy parts I was sure didn't exist earlier); a set of black trousers with spaces for kneepads and a waterproof feel; a set of green boots that I had no idea the provenance of; and a long green scarf I rather liked. Stacked, slightly to the side, were the main components of the costume, and the parts I was happiest with. And most surprised about. The kneepads lay on top, one of them slightly scratched from where I tested my spear against them. Below them was a light set of armour plates, constructed from the patio tiles and what used to be a dust sheet I found in the corner. And, still strapped around me, was a plate holder festooned with pockets, currently filled with a bunch of files and needles. I was going to put my pepper spray there when I went out, maybe a small medical kit and a lot of zip-ties, as well as my wand, just in case.
Taking the bundles upstairs, I got dressed into my costume, and admired myself in the mirror. I looked much more fit for a New England winter than a lot of the capes I knew. Glory Girl must freeze half to death whenever she went outside, let alone Browbeat's tight blue spandex. Smiling at myself, I put the mask on, and struck a pose I remembered from one of the old cartoons.
"Freeze, evil-doers, for Mouse Protector is here!"
I chuckled at myself, the mask muffling my voice, but not that badly, and the black smudge was almost unnoticeable under the hood. Grabbing my spear, I pulled at the power within it, and started spinning it around my hands, before suddenly lunging forwards in the mirror. The hood stayed up, thanks to a small hook that connected to the mask, and you could only see my hair if I twisted my head really far to one side or another. Plus, it would be purple, so who could connect it to Taylor Hebert? Taking the mask off and setting it to the side, I decided that tonight would be the night. Tonight would be the first night for… whatever, I didn't need a cape name. It was better to do good than speak of good, or something like that.
Pulling the armour padding over my head - which had the welcome effect of suggesting at attributes that would be hidden without it, not that I was bothered about that, not at all - I inhaled and retched. Whatever my powers did to change clothes and fabrics when I built stuff apparently didn't extend to cleaning them, the apparatus smelling rather fiercely of the mildew and damp that the dust sheets had.
Looking at the clock, I quickly gathered up my new costume and ran down the stairs. New plan: I wash my costume tonight, and
tomorrow I go fight crime. Yes, that would be it. And I could paint over the black smudge on my mask. Turning the washing machine to the delicates setting - I didn't know what my new fabrics could take, and didn't want to risk it - I looked at the washing machine filling up and sighed as my stomach rumbled.
I bet the protectorate didn't have to worry about their clothes smelling of mildew and old paint. They probably even had people to wash their costumes for them.
My stomach made another gurgling sound, annoyed that I'd tinkered over the time I usually ate dinner.
Life truly was unfair.
AN: Small prize if you know what the costume is fairly obviously taken from. Also taking slightly from
Impurity (Worm AU) which made a good point about how Brockton Bay's unseasonal weather doesn't matter when she doesn't need insects that don't live in New England. Also, colder weather is more fun to write in.