Knights of the Not-Really-All-That-Round Table

[Arc473]

Spoiler: Author's Note

So, I have no idea how this website works or what I should be doing when posting. I'm just winging it honestly, so sorry if something goes wrong. This story will be posted whenever I come up with something to base a chapter around, so it won't have much of a schedule. Sorry about that.

Arthur stormed through the halls of Camelot Castle, angrily ranting to himself about the latest predicament his Court Wizard had gotten him into.



Or rather, gotten her into. Right now, King Arthur was a woman. In fact, were anyone to look at her, she would appear to be her sister Morgan if it weren't for one simple fact.



"Ugh, couldn't he at least have made me look like my sister?! At least she doesn't have to deal with these."



See, while Morgan was blessed enough to be flat-chested, saving her from a life of back pain and the stares of perverts everywhere, Arthur was not so fortunate, and her chest ended up being... eye-catching, to say the least.



The King's cloak swooshed dramatically as she turned the corner, which lifted her mood somewhat. She loved her cloak. Even more so than her magic sword, her magic scabbard, her magic spear, her other magic sword, her magic dagger, her magic shield or even her other other magic sword. If someone ever ripped her cloak, she would probably declare war on the person who did it.



She slammed open the door to the Room of the Round and made her way to her chair. "Gentlemen! The Irish are preparing to invade and quite frankly I don't have the time to go and bother Merlin to change me back so we're having the meeting like this. Do any of you have something to say before we discuss battle strategies?"



Lancelot, of course, didn't seem to notice anything going on around him, as he was too busy staring at the King's chest.


"I would like to, once again, object to us being called the Knights of the Round Table considering the table we're sitting at is actually square," Sir Agravain said. Sir Bedivere cast a spell at him, making the knight fall out of his chair.



"Objection heard and disregarded, anyone else?"



The door once again opened and Sir Kay walked in, then took his seat next to Gawain, who had been fifteen minutes early like a dutiful and honourable knight should.



"You're late. Again."



"I... ah... My King... You..." Sir Kay was lost for words as he stared at his little bro– sister. His little sister. "Merlin?"



"Merlin," Arthur confirmed.



"One of these days that man is going to get himself killed..."



"I object to you wearing that dumb cloak, my lord. Why do you even own a bright pink cloak anyway? It looks so stupid, especially considering you wear it in combat. It's like you want the enemy to target you," Sir Tristan piped up.



"Bedivere."



Tristan fell out of his chair. Lancelot continued not noticing anything going on around him.



"I should promote you Bedivere. You would make a better Court Wizard than that man."



"Thank you, my King, but I'm afraid I cannot."



"So! The Irish are invading. I called you all here because apparently Sir Percival has obtained some new intelligence regarding this. Sir Percival, if you would?" The King turned to the aforementioned knight.



"Yes, of course. Ahem... The Irish are going to invade."



Everyone stared at him in shocked silence.

"No way! Seriously? How come we didn't know this earlier?!" Sir Hector asked in his usual sarcastic tone.



"Please, Sir Hector, just humour him. You know he's a little slow," Arthur said to the man at her side, just quietly enough that Percival couldn't hear.



"–I mean, well done Percival! This is valuable intelligence and we shall get on this immediately," Hector amended.



"Thanks Hector."



"Okay, now that we know for sure that the Irish are definitely invading, does anyone have a battle plan?" Arthur asked. "I would come up with it myself but my last plan ended with at least four castles burning down–"



"Five, my lord."



"Thanks Bedivere. Five castles burning down and at least sixteen pregnant women claiming Lancelot was the father. Usually we can keep it down to eight so I think you can see where the problem lies here."



"Well, we could always build a wall along the west coast," Sir Gawain suggested.



"Unfortunately that wouldn't work, Gawain. We don't have enough time for that. Good idea for the future though, I'll add it to the list."



"When was the last thing we ever did anything on the list?" Sir Pelleas asked. Everyone ignored him, as usual.



"We could burn all their crops and watch them starve to death," Sir Agravain said.



"Too cruel. We don't want to harm civilians in this war. Does anyone else have a plan?" Arthur asked.



Hector made to answer and the King added, "One that doesn't involve killing innocents?"



Hector closed his mouth. Lancelot continued not noticing.



"We could always just have Bedivere destroy their boats as they travel across the water," Sir Kay pointed out.



"Genius! I should promote you to Chief Tactician with plans like that," Arthur said happily. "Well, that draws this meeting to a close. Does anyone have anything else to add?"



Bedivere raised his hand and the King nodded to him.



"My King, have you always been a woman?"

 

[UnfortuWatcher]

Oh I love this. More please.

 

[CanadianRedKing]

This was greatly amusing. I await more.