Revised and original story about a Goa'uld stranded in the lost chronicles of history and their...
Jibun wa hebi de aru ka? (Kangen)
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Khan_Panther
My Muse stole my Necronomicon & pen
- Location
- Huh, I'm right here trapped in these words of mine
Revised and original story about a Goa'uld stranded in the lost chronicles of history and their rise to power. This is the chronicle of a group of plucky youths lost in the world and banded together for survival.
Index
Omakes
Disclaimers / Inspirations
Timeline
Cast
FAQ / Info
Story
Story Only Thread
<<n/a>>
Prologue
Arc 1 -
1 - Awakening
2 -
3 -
4 -
5 -
Omakes
A
B
C
Index
Omakes
Disclaimers / Inspirations
Timeline
Cast
FAQ / Info
Story
Story Only Thread
<<n/a>>
Prologue
Arc 1 -
1 - Awakening
2 -
3 -
4 -
5 -
Omakes
A
B
C
Khan_Panther
My Muse stole my Necronomicon & pen
- Location
- Huh, I'm right here trapped in these words of mine
Disclaimers & Inspirations
Inspirations
Several fics had inspired the original version that is now dead.
Note: The Wicked Rise Of The Weird God by JakeCrown on fanfiction.net is what had prompted me to start A Snake Am I? I used large chunks of his first chapter for the first three in ASAI?. I have now posted the rewrite, which has been scrapped and checked to ensure no repeats of the previous situation.
Inspirations by Story (Will Add them in as I draw inspirations from them
Inspirations by Other
Inspirations
Several fics had inspired the original version that is now dead.
Note: The Wicked Rise Of The Weird God by JakeCrown on fanfiction.net is what had prompted me to start A Snake Am I? I used large chunks of his first chapter for the first three in ASAI?. I have now posted the rewrite, which has been scrapped and checked to ensure no repeats of the previous situation.
Inspirations by Story (Will Add them in as I draw inspirations from them
- FanFiction.Net
- Sufficient Velocity
- Limit Theory by Itmauve (she had a fascinating take on the SG-verse, even if she was a little too pro-tau'ri for my typical fair)
- me and shade argost with some help designed a public-access water world, called New Pacifica for Itmauve's Atlantis to reside on, its located on page 20 for perusal
- Her universes are by WOG infinite expanses with several more differences from canon SG-1 & SG:A
- Limit Theory by Itmauve (she had a fascinating take on the SG-verse, even if she was a little too pro-tau'ri for my typical fair)
- Space Battles
- QQ
Inspirations by Other
- Video Game
Last edited:
Khan_Panther
My Muse stole my Necronomicon & pen
- Location
- Huh, I'm right here trapped in these words of mine
Timeline
<<Unavailable at moment>>
Basics
10000 BC - Ra finds Earth
3000 BC - Tau'ri rebellion
- 0 -
1996 AD - SG1 & BtVS TV series start
<<Unavailable at moment>>
Basics
10000 BC - Ra finds Earth
3000 BC - Tau'ri rebellion
- 0 -
1996 AD - SG1 & BtVS TV series start
Last edited:
Khan_Panther
My Muse stole my Necronomicon & pen
- Location
- Huh, I'm right here trapped in these words of mine
Cast
<<full cast unavailable>>
Major Factions
---
<<full cast unavailable>>
Major Factions
- The Goa'uld
- The Powers that Be
- The Tau'ri
---
Last edited:
Khan_Panther
My Muse stole my Necronomicon & pen
- Location
- Huh, I'm right here trapped in these words of mine
FAQ & Info sheets
Q
- - A
Q
- - A
---
1} - I'm using Star Wars Galaxy gen rules for the Milky Way and other galaxy designs
Note: the Milky way Stargate system has a max of
1,987,690,320 addresses or roughly 0.5% of the Milky Way has a viable 7-digit address
That's 1 out of every 200 Star Systems
7-digit address = 38*37*36*35*34*33 * the point of origin
2} - Goa'uld Class System
note1: Lo'taur and First Primes are of a nebulous mid to higher ranking, such as Ra's First Prime may command all but those directly under a system lord.
note2: The system is mobile, but highly regimented. Those who fail the Ascension tribute are made scribes and as such must start from there, those who pass though are awarded the title of Lord
note3: Queens are special and ignore the scale instead matching their mate's ranking. They at the minimum call for at least one planet
Q
- - A
Q
- - A
---
1} - I'm using Star Wars Galaxy gen rules for the Milky Way and other galaxy designs
| Star Wars | Milky Way |
|
X number of Star Systems |
400,000,000,000 Star Systems in the Milky Way |
|
1/2 have planets |
200,000,000,000 systems have planets |
|
10% have life |
20,000,000,000 life bearing planets |
|
1 in 1,000 count for sentience |
20,000,000 sentient species possible via nature |
1,987,690,320 addresses or roughly 0.5% of the Milky Way has a viable 7-digit address
That's 1 out of every 200 Star Systems
7-digit address = 38*37*36*35*34*33 * the point of origin
2} - Goa'uld Class System
- System Lord Supreme = Ra
- The System Lord Council
- System Lords (Must command several systems)
- System Lord: Under Lords
- the Planetary Lords (most if not all have at least a planet and a first prime)
- Regular Lords / Governors: rule nations on a planet
- Scholar Class Goa'uld & the Priesthood's upper echelons for most lords
- Scribe-class Goa'uld & the Priesthood
- Jaffa (Jaffa are ranked by experience, their lord's power and other things
- Humans (Bottom)
note1: Lo'taur and First Primes are of a nebulous mid to higher ranking, such as Ra's First Prime may command all but those directly under a system lord.
note2: The system is mobile, but highly regimented. Those who fail the Ascension tribute are made scribes and as such must start from there, those who pass though are awarded the title of Lord
note3: Queens are special and ignore the scale instead matching their mate's ranking. They at the minimum call for at least one planet
Last edited:
Khan_Panther
My Muse stole my Necronomicon & pen
- Location
- Huh, I'm right here trapped in these words of mine
Miscellaneous Data
---
---
---
---
Last edited:
Prologue
Khan_Panther
My Muse stole my Necronomicon & pen
- Location
- Huh, I'm right here trapped in these words of mine
Prologue
Here is the revision as promised.
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Chapter Start
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
You want to know what happens, when you do several things at once and get interrupted?
Well it's simple really, you screw up badly.
I was just sitting down to start rewriting my story that I royally f'd up last year. I had my TV on with Stargate the movie in the DVD player. To the left of my word document I had the Buffy wiki open.
I was getting pretty far through the rewrite when my email alerted me as to the fact that one of my GM's had a new system that he wanted to try out for the next game.
Opening that damn email was both the worst and somewhat the best decision of my life. MOOKDZ, one of my college friends, known for his game derailments and being banned from tournaments, had finally finished his baby.
I was honestly surprised; his baby was something that most of us had bet would never see the light of day. He had been working on it for almost a decade when I first met him last year.
Open the file I found to my horror that it was a jumble of at least a dozen different systems. And, the file sizes on some of these things. I swear just one of his could hold all 5 of my Pathfinder Bestiaries in it. And there were three of them alone just sitting there for monsters.
I swear when I see him next time I was going to smack MOOKDZ. Who in the hell makes a 600 page character creation guide. I mean I read the whole thing anyway so I could do my usual rules-lawyer power-game. It was an odd mashing of several recognizable RPGs and a few random CYOAs.
What scared me was that the dozen or so thousand page long guides were just samples and demos for what he was going to show us in March.
Huh, I didn't know that he had been promoted to the Bureau of Research & Development. Last I checked he was just a clerical aide for one of the developers. No wonder it looked so professional regardless of the many inconsistencies.
He even included a little blooper for each of us. Apparently each of ours was different in nature and in wording, and personalized to piss us off.
---
UC☼D
Office of Undergraduate
Admission & University Registrar
-X-X-X-
Sunnydale, CA 805XX-XXXX
Date: Oct. 1st, 1997
Yatagarasu
The Tenth Sun
Messenger of Amaterasu
Dear Yatagarasu,
We congratulate you for your application in Hell Resources Management, or HR for short. You are formally requested to report to the faculty Dean by the night of the next full moon with all your necessary documents and possessions to complete the admission formalities.
For your ease of access, the next full moon is Thursday, October 16th.
Our college prides in providing the best study environment with the world-class faculty, state of art infrastructure and an extensive library. All this you must have evaluated yourself when you have visited our campus.
Those in Powers appreciate your choosing of the University of California, Sunnydale as the first step on your journey and we can assure you that with the quality of education it delivers, it will be a stepping stone for your ascension. For further clarification and information you can get in touch with the management during the college working hours.
We wish you the best surviving in your nearby future.
Thanking You
Yours truly,
Dean Matthew G.
---
Hmm, so he has already chosen our names for this. Yatagarasu, hmm, I don't think I've used that name before in a long time when gaming. Asshole knows I hated being made to watch the show. I loved the worldbuilding, books / comics, and of course the fanfics, but the show itself took so long to build any momentum at all that was needed for me to enjoy it.
Oh, well. Paying attention to that mock letter though gives me some idea of what this screwed up campaign will be about.
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Break
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Moya "Whistling Arrow" of the Caldera tribe did not know where she was. The last thing she remembered was returning home after a successful hunt. Her pack had managed to find and wrangle a group of dodos successfully, and was leading them to the village when they had been ambushed. Halfway home from where they had caught the dodos, they had been ambushed by one of the grassland's terrors, Her pack had managed to kill it with only minimal injuries on their side as a result of the fight. {1}
When they had returned to their tribe's village there had been a flash of light, and the next thing she knew was that she had awakened to new and unfamiliar surroundings.
Looking around in the dim light, Moya was significantly shocked that her new surroundings were made of metal. After all the metal that her tribe had was recovered from the ruins of some bygone era. The metal was to be used in weapons such as the pila of the hunt's spears and the lances of the chargers. What she now saw surrounding her would be enough to coat her whole tribe in armor, like the old shaman said they had once done in ages long past.
As her eyes adjusted to the dimness she was able to make out the forms of her pack. Filled with relief at them all being there Moya began the daunting task of making sure they were still in one piece.
Checking their pulses, she was especially relieved to note that Kyala her second was still alive. Though that was thought to be impossible as Kyala's thigh had been shredded by one of the captured terror's killing talons, a massive hand-length talon that had sunk half-way in then been ripped down and out. Though now there was only a large scar to mark where she had once been bleeding out.
As she finished waking up Moya, took note of the slim metal bangle that was upon each of their upper arms. Each of which had some strange runes that meant nothing to her beyond the fact that they each had a different set of runes. Though it was readily apparent in the dim lighting that the bangle adorning her arm was the most heavily decorated of them.
She could not tell what was going on, and that worried her. All she knew was that her pack was somewhere only talked about in the tales of their lost glory. While she was thankful that whoever had grabbed them had taken the time to heal Kyala, she was unsure what their captors were planning.
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
{1} - Dodos & Terrors
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Chapter End
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Chapter 1 will be up in a few hours
Here is the revision as promised.
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Chapter Start
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
You want to know what happens, when you do several things at once and get interrupted?
Well it's simple really, you screw up badly.
I was just sitting down to start rewriting my story that I royally f'd up last year. I had my TV on with Stargate the movie in the DVD player. To the left of my word document I had the Buffy wiki open.
I was getting pretty far through the rewrite when my email alerted me as to the fact that one of my GM's had a new system that he wanted to try out for the next game.
Opening that damn email was both the worst and somewhat the best decision of my life. MOOKDZ, one of my college friends, known for his game derailments and being banned from tournaments, had finally finished his baby.
I was honestly surprised; his baby was something that most of us had bet would never see the light of day. He had been working on it for almost a decade when I first met him last year.
Open the file I found to my horror that it was a jumble of at least a dozen different systems. And, the file sizes on some of these things. I swear just one of his could hold all 5 of my Pathfinder Bestiaries in it. And there were three of them alone just sitting there for monsters.
I swear when I see him next time I was going to smack MOOKDZ. Who in the hell makes a 600 page character creation guide. I mean I read the whole thing anyway so I could do my usual rules-lawyer power-game. It was an odd mashing of several recognizable RPGs and a few random CYOAs.
What scared me was that the dozen or so thousand page long guides were just samples and demos for what he was going to show us in March.
Huh, I didn't know that he had been promoted to the Bureau of Research & Development. Last I checked he was just a clerical aide for one of the developers. No wonder it looked so professional regardless of the many inconsistencies.
He even included a little blooper for each of us. Apparently each of ours was different in nature and in wording, and personalized to piss us off.
---
UC☼D
Office of Undergraduate
Admission & University Registrar
-X-X-X-
Sunnydale, CA 805XX-XXXX
Date: Oct. 1st, 1997
Yatagarasu
The Tenth Sun
Messenger of Amaterasu
Dear Yatagarasu,
We congratulate you for your application in Hell Resources Management, or HR for short. You are formally requested to report to the faculty Dean by the night of the next full moon with all your necessary documents and possessions to complete the admission formalities.
For your ease of access, the next full moon is Thursday, October 16th.
Our college prides in providing the best study environment with the world-class faculty, state of art infrastructure and an extensive library. All this you must have evaluated yourself when you have visited our campus.
Those in Powers appreciate your choosing of the University of California, Sunnydale as the first step on your journey and we can assure you that with the quality of education it delivers, it will be a stepping stone for your ascension. For further clarification and information you can get in touch with the management during the college working hours.
We wish you the best surviving in your nearby future.
Thanking You
Yours truly,
Dean Matthew G.
---
Hmm, so he has already chosen our names for this. Yatagarasu, hmm, I don't think I've used that name before in a long time when gaming. Asshole knows I hated being made to watch the show. I loved the worldbuilding, books / comics, and of course the fanfics, but the show itself took so long to build any momentum at all that was needed for me to enjoy it.
Oh, well. Paying attention to that mock letter though gives me some idea of what this screwed up campaign will be about.
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Break
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Moya "Whistling Arrow" of the Caldera tribe did not know where she was. The last thing she remembered was returning home after a successful hunt. Her pack had managed to find and wrangle a group of dodos successfully, and was leading them to the village when they had been ambushed. Halfway home from where they had caught the dodos, they had been ambushed by one of the grassland's terrors, Her pack had managed to kill it with only minimal injuries on their side as a result of the fight. {1}
When they had returned to their tribe's village there had been a flash of light, and the next thing she knew was that she had awakened to new and unfamiliar surroundings.
Looking around in the dim light, Moya was significantly shocked that her new surroundings were made of metal. After all the metal that her tribe had was recovered from the ruins of some bygone era. The metal was to be used in weapons such as the pila of the hunt's spears and the lances of the chargers. What she now saw surrounding her would be enough to coat her whole tribe in armor, like the old shaman said they had once done in ages long past.
As her eyes adjusted to the dimness she was able to make out the forms of her pack. Filled with relief at them all being there Moya began the daunting task of making sure they were still in one piece.
Checking their pulses, she was especially relieved to note that Kyala her second was still alive. Though that was thought to be impossible as Kyala's thigh had been shredded by one of the captured terror's killing talons, a massive hand-length talon that had sunk half-way in then been ripped down and out. Though now there was only a large scar to mark where she had once been bleeding out.
As she finished waking up Moya, took note of the slim metal bangle that was upon each of their upper arms. Each of which had some strange runes that meant nothing to her beyond the fact that they each had a different set of runes. Though it was readily apparent in the dim lighting that the bangle adorning her arm was the most heavily decorated of them.
She could not tell what was going on, and that worried her. All she knew was that her pack was somewhere only talked about in the tales of their lost glory. While she was thankful that whoever had grabbed them had taken the time to heal Kyala, she was unsure what their captors were planning.
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
{1} - Dodos & Terrors
Dodo Bird with human
Terror size comparison with human
Giant Terror size comparison
Terror size comparison with human
Giant Terror size comparison
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Chapter End
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Chapter 1 will be up in a few hours
Last edited:
1 - Awakening
Khan_Panther
My Muse stole my Necronomicon & pen
- Location
- Huh, I'm right here trapped in these words of mine
1 - Awakening
@TotalAbsolutism is this unique enough?
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Chapter Start
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Waking up after falling asleep to the mess that was one of MOOKDZ's designs was never the most fun experience to be had. His designs and stories had a way of causing headaches to almost everyone who read them; that is if he didn't lose you on the way.
Though this time it actually hurt worse than the time that the group had a chugging competition with the Monster drinks. I'm pretty sure I passed out after almost a dozen and a half or so in one sitting. Not my brightest idea and I'm sure that I lost somehow to Alex, the lightest of the bunch with his impressive 19 cans.
All around me was just a soft pinkish-tinged glow that was gentle on the eyes, it was strangely comforting in a weird manner. I mean I had read studies that light pink could be temporarily soothing, but I had never actually experienced it for myself. I always found deep and rich blacks more comforting, and if it had to be vibrant, well then there's always toxic green and purple for colors.
The first thing that came to mind after that fun revelation into my mentality was whether or not it would be better for me to return to sleep or try to stay awake. I was after all awake, yet on the edge of falling back into slumber to avoid the pain. And, that soft pink glow complemented the surrounding warmth to lull me back into sleep.
What was interesting about my predicament was that my body for the first time had an absolutely overwhelming sense of relaxation like I what imagined spending all day at a spa would be like. I felt even better than if I had decided to have a massage to my whole body, the only thing I could compare it to was one of those massage tables you see at conventions mixed with a super comfy bubble-bath.
Don't judge me; bubble baths with extras can be super comfy and good for you too. As it was I was perfectly content and decided to fall back asleep surrounded by the all-encompassing warmth alongside the smothering blanket feeling. The only noticeable issue was that my wrist itched somewhat like it had already fallen asleep, and been that way for a while before me. I was well on my way to meeting it anyway. My sight which had always been poor when I first woke up was a little poorer than normal and I was not inclined to open my eyes all the way quite yet.
As I slumbered away in my comforts, at times I would hear voices like someone was talking to me or at least around me while I was sleeping. The one that talked the most frequently was a cold and hard one like an ancient glacier grinding away all in its path. The rarer one, and it actually sounded female, was warm and pleasant, like a cool summer breeze on the beach. Even with these new distractions I was still in favor of returning to my sleep. Over time I was able to hear the voices more clearly, and my eyes hurt slightly less so whenever I opened them.
It was later after an unknown amount of time that I awoke with a hacking cough only to hurt my eyes, much akin to shining a flashlight in your eye, and a few bubbles. It at that time that I realized that I was not actually in my bed, or in a spa like the one I had dreamed of, but was rather trapped inside of some enclosed space that was positively packed with some strange gel like substance. Needless to say I panicked a little.
It was weird the surroundings were warm in a weirdly pleasant manner. And, the gel was some weird consistency between Neosporin and Vick's vapor rub. I was pondering if I was somehow in one of those Star Wars Bacta tanks, but it was not to be.
---
When I had fully woken up I did not recognize my surroundings, as it was like being in a sensory deprivation chamber that had a soft glow inside. I decided to do a basic run-down to make sure all my bits were still there, in order to distract myself. Trying to move my arms, had failed spectacularly as I couldn't feel them in the first place. This meant 1 of 2 things was likely to be the reason behind this. The first was that my arms were still asleep and as such were unresponsive. The second and much more worrying option was that they had been amputated while I had been asleep. Trying to move my legs also resulted in failure, though my body did move like I was badly impersonating a worm.
Damn, whatever I did last night must have been terrible as I can't remember anything past being halfway through my character design, while avoiding the rest of my family. Wait why do I remember that and not who my family was and who I was meeting with?
What exactly did I do to scramble my brain to the point of forgetting what my own parents look like? I mean I had a shitty time remembering anyone's name, but I had almost flawless recall of people's faces. Into this train of thought was the realization that other bits and pieces of my memories were quickly fading away.
What my wriggling had managed to do, was let me breach the surface of my surrounding fluids. I tried to shout and call for help, but only a soft sibilant squeal came from my mouth. As more of these hissing squeaks came, I realized with a shock that I no longer had lips. Instead my mouth was a little more than snake-like version of a pair of mandibles, with webbing between them. I thrashed this way and that, but to my horror I no longer had any arms or legs, for my body was now that of a serpent's.
What I could make out with my blurry vision was gold, and lots of it stretching into the distance, which could be anywhere within a few dozen of my body lengths to infinity as far as I could tell.
Strangely though there were giants of varying sizes, and the most worrisome was that they had no set symbol or markings for which I could use to tell where I was. Instead I saw dozens of different symbols, and as my vision came into focus I could see that these giants were not giants at all, but were rather human in appearance.
Though I was pretty sure that human eyes weren't supposed to be glowing, were they?
And, that's when the world fell out from under me as one of those glowy-eyed humans picked me up and made a note of some kind in a terminal, before he tossed me through the blistering harsh air, rife with chemicals and toxins, that I am sure I shouldn't be around for long periods of time. As I soared via being launched I was able to make out my destination, a small pool that was three levels below where I had started my flight.
Hmm, MOOKDZ had said that this would be a realistic game, maybe this is one of those augmented reality chambers?
As I landed with a splash in the pool I noticed that I could suddenly see much clearer than I could see in the air. That at least synched it for me that this was real, as I have never had any dream so lucid, or one where I'm some form of sea creature. Looking around I could see a few others that were being deposited into the pool.
I am ashamed to say that I just sat there, or kind of floated there stunned not able to comprehend what I was seeing.
And what did I see, you ask? Almost a dozen goa'uld symbiotes awaiting hosts beginning to swim away from the center, with more coming in from above every second.
produced by me in paint.net
Just like you see in the TV show the buggers are vicious as I saw one land on top of the other and they both just went at it. As they were fighting I noticed that some of the symbiotes looked non-standard shall we say, such as the one that was coming up to investigate.
It was at least three times longer and five or six thicker than us, much too big to take a host. What stood out more than its size was the scales that it had. Unlike what the snake body would have you believe the symbiote skin from what I could tell was just thick skin literally.
Looking around at some of the others I noticed that a lot of them had mutations not in line with the basic form.
Bureau of Research & Development my ass MOOKDZ, this is a god-damned ROB-bing.
Of course it was as I was taking in my surroundings that I noticed a large one with horns that was even bigger than the first one from earlier swimming right at me.
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Chapter End
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Next one is underway at the moment.
@TotalAbsolutism is this unique enough?
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Chapter Start
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Waking up after falling asleep to the mess that was one of MOOKDZ's designs was never the most fun experience to be had. His designs and stories had a way of causing headaches to almost everyone who read them; that is if he didn't lose you on the way.
Though this time it actually hurt worse than the time that the group had a chugging competition with the Monster drinks. I'm pretty sure I passed out after almost a dozen and a half or so in one sitting. Not my brightest idea and I'm sure that I lost somehow to Alex, the lightest of the bunch with his impressive 19 cans.
All around me was just a soft pinkish-tinged glow that was gentle on the eyes, it was strangely comforting in a weird manner. I mean I had read studies that light pink could be temporarily soothing, but I had never actually experienced it for myself. I always found deep and rich blacks more comforting, and if it had to be vibrant, well then there's always toxic green and purple for colors.
The first thing that came to mind after that fun revelation into my mentality was whether or not it would be better for me to return to sleep or try to stay awake. I was after all awake, yet on the edge of falling back into slumber to avoid the pain. And, that soft pink glow complemented the surrounding warmth to lull me back into sleep.
What was interesting about my predicament was that my body for the first time had an absolutely overwhelming sense of relaxation like I what imagined spending all day at a spa would be like. I felt even better than if I had decided to have a massage to my whole body, the only thing I could compare it to was one of those massage tables you see at conventions mixed with a super comfy bubble-bath.
Don't judge me; bubble baths with extras can be super comfy and good for you too. As it was I was perfectly content and decided to fall back asleep surrounded by the all-encompassing warmth alongside the smothering blanket feeling. The only noticeable issue was that my wrist itched somewhat like it had already fallen asleep, and been that way for a while before me. I was well on my way to meeting it anyway. My sight which had always been poor when I first woke up was a little poorer than normal and I was not inclined to open my eyes all the way quite yet.
As I slumbered away in my comforts, at times I would hear voices like someone was talking to me or at least around me while I was sleeping. The one that talked the most frequently was a cold and hard one like an ancient glacier grinding away all in its path. The rarer one, and it actually sounded female, was warm and pleasant, like a cool summer breeze on the beach. Even with these new distractions I was still in favor of returning to my sleep. Over time I was able to hear the voices more clearly, and my eyes hurt slightly less so whenever I opened them.
It was later after an unknown amount of time that I awoke with a hacking cough only to hurt my eyes, much akin to shining a flashlight in your eye, and a few bubbles. It at that time that I realized that I was not actually in my bed, or in a spa like the one I had dreamed of, but was rather trapped inside of some enclosed space that was positively packed with some strange gel like substance. Needless to say I panicked a little.
It was weird the surroundings were warm in a weirdly pleasant manner. And, the gel was some weird consistency between Neosporin and Vick's vapor rub. I was pondering if I was somehow in one of those Star Wars Bacta tanks, but it was not to be.
---
When I had fully woken up I did not recognize my surroundings, as it was like being in a sensory deprivation chamber that had a soft glow inside. I decided to do a basic run-down to make sure all my bits were still there, in order to distract myself. Trying to move my arms, had failed spectacularly as I couldn't feel them in the first place. This meant 1 of 2 things was likely to be the reason behind this. The first was that my arms were still asleep and as such were unresponsive. The second and much more worrying option was that they had been amputated while I had been asleep. Trying to move my legs also resulted in failure, though my body did move like I was badly impersonating a worm.
Damn, whatever I did last night must have been terrible as I can't remember anything past being halfway through my character design, while avoiding the rest of my family. Wait why do I remember that and not who my family was and who I was meeting with?
What exactly did I do to scramble my brain to the point of forgetting what my own parents look like? I mean I had a shitty time remembering anyone's name, but I had almost flawless recall of people's faces. Into this train of thought was the realization that other bits and pieces of my memories were quickly fading away.
What my wriggling had managed to do, was let me breach the surface of my surrounding fluids. I tried to shout and call for help, but only a soft sibilant squeal came from my mouth. As more of these hissing squeaks came, I realized with a shock that I no longer had lips. Instead my mouth was a little more than snake-like version of a pair of mandibles, with webbing between them. I thrashed this way and that, but to my horror I no longer had any arms or legs, for my body was now that of a serpent's.
What I could make out with my blurry vision was gold, and lots of it stretching into the distance, which could be anywhere within a few dozen of my body lengths to infinity as far as I could tell.
Strangely though there were giants of varying sizes, and the most worrisome was that they had no set symbol or markings for which I could use to tell where I was. Instead I saw dozens of different symbols, and as my vision came into focus I could see that these giants were not giants at all, but were rather human in appearance.
Though I was pretty sure that human eyes weren't supposed to be glowing, were they?
And, that's when the world fell out from under me as one of those glowy-eyed humans picked me up and made a note of some kind in a terminal, before he tossed me through the blistering harsh air, rife with chemicals and toxins, that I am sure I shouldn't be around for long periods of time. As I soared via being launched I was able to make out my destination, a small pool that was three levels below where I had started my flight.
Hmm, MOOKDZ had said that this would be a realistic game, maybe this is one of those augmented reality chambers?
As I landed with a splash in the pool I noticed that I could suddenly see much clearer than I could see in the air. That at least synched it for me that this was real, as I have never had any dream so lucid, or one where I'm some form of sea creature. Looking around I could see a few others that were being deposited into the pool.
I am ashamed to say that I just sat there, or kind of floated there stunned not able to comprehend what I was seeing.
And what did I see, you ask? Almost a dozen goa'uld symbiotes awaiting hosts beginning to swim away from the center, with more coming in from above every second.
produced by me in paint.net
Just like you see in the TV show the buggers are vicious as I saw one land on top of the other and they both just went at it. As they were fighting I noticed that some of the symbiotes looked non-standard shall we say, such as the one that was coming up to investigate.
It was at least three times longer and five or six thicker than us, much too big to take a host. What stood out more than its size was the scales that it had. Unlike what the snake body would have you believe the symbiote skin from what I could tell was just thick skin literally.
Looking around at some of the others I noticed that a lot of them had mutations not in line with the basic form.
Bureau of Research & Development my ass MOOKDZ, this is a god-damned ROB-bing.
Of course it was as I was taking in my surroundings that I noticed a large one with horns that was even bigger than the first one from earlier swimming right at me.
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Chapter End
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Next one is underway at the moment.
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TotalAbsolutism
That One Guy
- Location
- New Zealand
Heh. Good to see you've followed through on your rewrite in the end.
It's certainly unique, though of course this is just the start. We'll have to see how it goes going forward. I'll keep watching.
It's certainly unique, though of course this is just the start. We'll have to see how it goes going forward. I'll keep watching.
Khan_Panther
My Muse stole my Necronomicon & pen
- Location
- Huh, I'm right here trapped in these words of mine
Yeah the outline that I sent you for about ten chapters, well its been renovated up to almost 30 chapters.
---
Chapter 2 is almost done, but it does need proofread, so it'll be up in the morning at the earliest
Khan_Panther
My Muse stole my Necronomicon & pen
- Location
- Huh, I'm right here trapped in these words of mine
SG is being used as a guideline for the story, but will develop several differences.
The title is supposed to be A Snake Am I? Redux translated into romaji.
So I apologise for any miss translation
- Location
- Net Slum Tartarga
Okay, you're probably not interested in this at all, but I like languages, and this amuses me. Your title "Hebi watachidesu ka? Kangan" literally has more problems than it has words.
- watachi should be watashi.
- desu is a separate word; means nothing by itself, but modifies the sentence's meaning.
- kangan means multiple things depending on how you write it, but without context, I'd hear it and think eunuch. Kangen is the word you're looking for.
- As is, this sentence would most accurately be translated as "A snake? Me?" You're asking somebody else if they think you're a snake.
- Watashi is gender-neutral and an ordinary, polite way to refer to yourself. If your intention was a pompous tone, it doesn't work.
I should be doing other things.
Khan_Panther
My Muse stole my Necronomicon & pen
- Location
- Huh, I'm right here trapped in these words of mine
Thank you, this is actually a lot better than what google translate gave me.
I'll rename the thread then.
?
What translator did you use, so I can reference it in the future
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- Location
- Net Slum Tartarga
None. Most of that is very basic. Just had to google a Japanese bible translation to check Ezekiel 28, and used wiktionary for 還元.
Khan_Panther
My Muse stole my Necronomicon & pen
- Location
- Huh, I'm right here trapped in these words of mine
Huh, wish I had thought of that, kami dammit I must be some kind of idiot.
I spent like three days struggling with various translators then decided to just go with google.
I tried your method just now and it actually works, which is awesome for the future.
2 - Coming to terms p.1
Khan_Panther
My Muse stole my Necronomicon & pen
- Location
- Huh, I'm right here trapped in these words of mine
2 - Coming to terms p.1
This one fought for three days before I decided that if it wanted to stop halfway then I'd stop halfway, and finish this one with an interlude.
Best decision so far, and already about halfway through the next chapter.
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Chapter Start
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Of course it was as I was taking in my surroundings that I noticed a large one with horns that was even bigger than the first one from earlier swimming right at me.
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
In hindsight it would have been better to not freeze up as soon as I realized that the giant monstrosity was large enough to swallow me in one bite.
When the thing opened its maw and I felt a sensation of suction being applied that's when I unfroze. I just narrowly managed to miss getting the end of my tail bit off when its jaws snapped together.
Swimming away from it seemed like it would be the most prudent of actions that I could do.
I mean really I'm only a small larval goa'uld I've decided, probably only recently been born, and as such was probably about a foot long, with about another to grow if I follow the shows plot. But the thing chasing me and gaining had to be many times larger than a mature symbiote. Whatever that thing chasing me was, it was most definitely many times too big to take over a human.
As I swam desperately away from the behemoth, I noticed that I had been drifting steadily further away from the site where I had entered the pool and was instead headed towards the dimmer sides.
Turning and darting towards the brighter zone I figured I could get the monster chasing me to eat one of the others that were freshly deposited. And, in doing so get this damn mutant-thing to leave me alone.
My memories weren't telling me anything about what was going on. All I knew was that I had somehow became one of the Stargate TV show's main villains, or were they just misunderstood?
Not, very important right now as it's not helping me evade the big hungry thing chasing me.
Hmm, maybe I'm just one of those people who angst over irrelevant things, when faced with dangers. That or this is hopefully a very lucid dream.
Yeah let's go with the dream route. Technically it's a nightmare I guess, seeing as running from a monster is one of those cliché creations, though the swimming is new along with the being not human.
Since it's a dream nothing should be able to hurt me now that I have realized this principle truth, as to what was going on. The truth was that I had fallen asleep at my computer while creating a character for MOOKDZ's mess of a campaign. And the reason behind the goa'uld thing would probably be from the episodes of SG-1 that had been playing in the background as a refresher.
---
*Skree-burble* numerous bubbles emerged from the mouth of the symbiote that I was seemingly possessing for this strange dream, as the larger one managed to almost bite the tip of the tail off.
Dammit, why did I feel that? I mean I'm only dreaming for God's sake?
Just great, apparently that little bit of pain was the trigger to making whatever instincts were driving this body besides me to flee right into the expanding cloud of blood and chum that the landing zone had become.
Apparently while I had been away trying to avoid getting eaten the cannibalistic feeding frenzy that had broken out decided that no, it wanted to be a giant slaughter-fest. And, whatever the hell was piloting the body right now seemed to think that diving straight into the fray would be the best idea.
I think I'm going to black out now, from a mix of pain and whatever this thing is using as an adrenaline substitute.
Here's to hoping I'm going to wake up in front of my computer in a few.
I swear MOOKDZ the next time I see you I'm going to punch the living daylights out of yah.
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
POV: Science Mook 3
I was almost giddy with joy at the prospects of joining my goddess in her pursuit of knowledge.
While I would like to have hair again and not be so disfigured, that's not what's important.
What is important right now is that my goddess wants me to assist in a project that only other gods have been participating in. It's true, I'm one of the first of the humans that have been drafted to bolster the ranks of the gods for this great project.
I think, no I'm pretty sure my mistress called it the Ouroboros Project. Apparently the name is from some piece of mythology that formed on the planet of my ancestors.
This little dust bowl is not very interesting, except for providing the gods with their host bodies. After all our minds are too weak for us to experience one of the gods for long.
And, well those annoying little buzzing things that seem to suck everyone's blood are especially irritating. Just one more reason to be thankful to my goddess that she rescued my clan from suffering such an ignoble fate.
---
I'm doomed, doomed I tell you. Doomed.
I made a mistake on my very first day, and I know my mistress has little patience for failures.
Looking around I seem to be the eldest of the batch that's working this section, maybe I can pass it off as one of the younger, and hence more inexperienced servants's fault.
Now just toss the needle that I was supposed to use on the messed up godling into the pool three levels down.
I'm not sure what that chemical was supposed to be, nor what it does to one of the godlings.
All I have been instructed to do was to scan the godlings once their little light plaques came on, and do one of two things depending on what the scan says.
The first of the two was pour a capsule filled with a blueish liquid into their little bubbles, if the screen says Strain-D detected. The second was inject all detected Strain-Q's with a strange pink gel-like substance that was oddly reminiscent of that sweet called honey I'm pretty sure it was called.
My mistake was that I had fumbled with my kit and as a result had accidently dropped one of those green glowing pods that the jaffa used for their staves into one of the godlings's nursery pods.
What compounded the issue is that I had not discovered my mistake until after I had returned to my dorms.
---
**3 days later
Oh, that's not good. Very much not good at all.
Some idiot didn't do a good enough job cleaning the maturation pool of the older ones, and as a result the whole set might have to be purged.
And why are those two Jaffa over there making a bet on the fact that the largest in this holding pool was chasing one of the untainted ones?
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Chapter End
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Well, like I mentioned chap 3 is halfway done.
Were there any spelling errors? I'm pretty sure I got them all, but you never know.
This one fought for three days before I decided that if it wanted to stop halfway then I'd stop halfway, and finish this one with an interlude.
Best decision so far, and already about halfway through the next chapter.
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Chapter Start
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Of course it was as I was taking in my surroundings that I noticed a large one with horns that was even bigger than the first one from earlier swimming right at me.
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
In hindsight it would have been better to not freeze up as soon as I realized that the giant monstrosity was large enough to swallow me in one bite.
When the thing opened its maw and I felt a sensation of suction being applied that's when I unfroze. I just narrowly managed to miss getting the end of my tail bit off when its jaws snapped together.
Swimming away from it seemed like it would be the most prudent of actions that I could do.
I mean really I'm only a small larval goa'uld I've decided, probably only recently been born, and as such was probably about a foot long, with about another to grow if I follow the shows plot. But the thing chasing me and gaining had to be many times larger than a mature symbiote. Whatever that thing chasing me was, it was most definitely many times too big to take over a human.
As I swam desperately away from the behemoth, I noticed that I had been drifting steadily further away from the site where I had entered the pool and was instead headed towards the dimmer sides.
Turning and darting towards the brighter zone I figured I could get the monster chasing me to eat one of the others that were freshly deposited. And, in doing so get this damn mutant-thing to leave me alone.
My memories weren't telling me anything about what was going on. All I knew was that I had somehow became one of the Stargate TV show's main villains, or were they just misunderstood?
Not, very important right now as it's not helping me evade the big hungry thing chasing me.
Hmm, maybe I'm just one of those people who angst over irrelevant things, when faced with dangers. That or this is hopefully a very lucid dream.
Yeah let's go with the dream route. Technically it's a nightmare I guess, seeing as running from a monster is one of those cliché creations, though the swimming is new along with the being not human.
Since it's a dream nothing should be able to hurt me now that I have realized this principle truth, as to what was going on. The truth was that I had fallen asleep at my computer while creating a character for MOOKDZ's mess of a campaign. And the reason behind the goa'uld thing would probably be from the episodes of SG-1 that had been playing in the background as a refresher.
---
*Skree-burble* numerous bubbles emerged from the mouth of the symbiote that I was seemingly possessing for this strange dream, as the larger one managed to almost bite the tip of the tail off.
Dammit, why did I feel that? I mean I'm only dreaming for God's sake?
Just great, apparently that little bit of pain was the trigger to making whatever instincts were driving this body besides me to flee right into the expanding cloud of blood and chum that the landing zone had become.
Apparently while I had been away trying to avoid getting eaten the cannibalistic feeding frenzy that had broken out decided that no, it wanted to be a giant slaughter-fest. And, whatever the hell was piloting the body right now seemed to think that diving straight into the fray would be the best idea.
I think I'm going to black out now, from a mix of pain and whatever this thing is using as an adrenaline substitute.
Here's to hoping I'm going to wake up in front of my computer in a few.
I swear MOOKDZ the next time I see you I'm going to punch the living daylights out of yah.
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
POV: Science Mook 3
I was almost giddy with joy at the prospects of joining my goddess in her pursuit of knowledge.
While I would like to have hair again and not be so disfigured, that's not what's important.
What is important right now is that my goddess wants me to assist in a project that only other gods have been participating in. It's true, I'm one of the first of the humans that have been drafted to bolster the ranks of the gods for this great project.
I think, no I'm pretty sure my mistress called it the Ouroboros Project. Apparently the name is from some piece of mythology that formed on the planet of my ancestors.
This little dust bowl is not very interesting, except for providing the gods with their host bodies. After all our minds are too weak for us to experience one of the gods for long.
And, well those annoying little buzzing things that seem to suck everyone's blood are especially irritating. Just one more reason to be thankful to my goddess that she rescued my clan from suffering such an ignoble fate.
---
I'm doomed, doomed I tell you. Doomed.
I made a mistake on my very first day, and I know my mistress has little patience for failures.
Looking around I seem to be the eldest of the batch that's working this section, maybe I can pass it off as one of the younger, and hence more inexperienced servants's fault.
Now just toss the needle that I was supposed to use on the messed up godling into the pool three levels down.
I'm not sure what that chemical was supposed to be, nor what it does to one of the godlings.
All I have been instructed to do was to scan the godlings once their little light plaques came on, and do one of two things depending on what the scan says.
The first of the two was pour a capsule filled with a blueish liquid into their little bubbles, if the screen says Strain-D detected. The second was inject all detected Strain-Q's with a strange pink gel-like substance that was oddly reminiscent of that sweet called honey I'm pretty sure it was called.
My mistake was that I had fumbled with my kit and as a result had accidently dropped one of those green glowing pods that the jaffa used for their staves into one of the godlings's nursery pods.
What compounded the issue is that I had not discovered my mistake until after I had returned to my dorms.
---
**3 days later
Oh, that's not good. Very much not good at all.
Some idiot didn't do a good enough job cleaning the maturation pool of the older ones, and as a result the whole set might have to be purged.
And why are those two Jaffa over there making a bet on the fact that the largest in this holding pool was chasing one of the untainted ones?
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Chapter End
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Well, like I mentioned chap 3 is halfway done.
Were there any spelling errors? I'm pretty sure I got them all, but you never know.
3 - Coming to terms p.2
Khan_Panther
My Muse stole my Necronomicon & pen
- Location
- Huh, I'm right here trapped in these words of mine
3 - Coming to terms p.2
Alright I'm back with an update, let me know if you like it.
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Chapter Start
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Apparently while I had been away trying to avoid getting eaten the cannibalistic feeding frenzy that had broken out decided that no, it wanted to be a giant slaughter-fest. And, whatever the hell was piloting the body right now seemed to think that diving straight into the fray would be the best idea.
I think I'm going to black out now, from a mix of pain and whatever this thing is using as an adrenaline substitute.
Here's to hoping I'm going to wake up in front of my computer in a few.
I swear MOOKDZ the next time I see you I'm going to punch the living daylights out of yah.
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Waking up was the last thing that I wanted to do.
Not, because of the pain. Though there was a lot of that present, so much so that I'm pretty confident that it's what woke me up in the first place.
Jerking my eyes open the first thing that was relevant, was that I was alive still. That one little thing was awesome as it means I'm awake from that weird dream. It also means that my laptop actually timed out on me for the first time.
Moving around I noticed that I was comfy, so that means I probably clambered onto my bed.
At least that was the delusion till I had to sneeze.
You know those big and loud sneezes where it's almost like a gunshot in an enclosed space?
My personal advice is to not do that underwater.
I learned that the hard way, by waking up to almost drowning in an odd mixture of fluids, most of which I would probably not like to know.
As the reality began to sink in, I noticed myself humming Taps. One of the most depressing and emotional songs that I know, and it totally matched the death of my hopes.
I had not actually woken up to my bedroom. No, instead I had reawakened as the damn goa'uld symbiote again.
The only difference that I noticed was that I was coated heavily in a mix of blueish blood, which only confirmed the horror of being in a different body for me.
Wiggling around I winced, thanks to raw muscles actually beginning to regrow and repair themselves as a result of whatever had happened after I had fainted from shock.
Looking around in the darkness I couldn't make out anything, it was like being blinded and not being able to see.
It was not fun running into edges and walls in the dark; the whole process was like stumbling around in the dark stubbing your toes and slamming your face into the walls.
Cussing quite vocally, in that annoying skree-burble thing that the symbiotes do underwater, I was hoping that there was a light around here somewhere.
Almost as if it was summoned with magic, a dim light appeared almost like two dim cones shining outwards.
Of f*ing course, the damn things have glow-rods for eyes.
Hmm, the glowing must be produced via either some bio-luminescence, or that wonder metal called naquadah.
Nah, the naquadah-less NID clone symbiotes could do the fancy eye thing in their hosts, so it can't be the naquadah that the standard ones have in them.
I would almost claim that there's something else in my head with me that knows how to make this body work better.
Trying to poke around in my head while I'm just floating around wherever I am, I can't feel anything different. I mean I still think I feel like myself, but my sense of narcissism does seem to be a little larger alongside my sense of pride.
Continuing to float around, I tried to focus deeper into whatever nebulous thing was this body's mind.
As I drifted ever deeper I could feel a vast and tangled web of sharp spurs of instincts that were the framing for whatever mind this was.
As I bottomed out inside of the weird mental visualization of whatever the hell this thing was, I had to wander how they resisted telepathic attacks. I mean with as vast as the Milky Way is, and how screwy physics get regularly violated in all three Stargate TV shows, there had to be some form of telepathy that would let people read minds. I know for a fact that there were memory viewing devices, mind uploads, and whatever the bots did.
But, no as I reached the actual mindscape it was quite different to what I was expecting.
I had been expecting either an Egyptian God's wet dream with slaves and pyramids, or my own which could reasonable look like anything I guess from fiction.
Instead I found a massive world lit up like noon all-day every-day everywhere on the planet in the middle of a void, it was mostly golden with brownish clouds of sand storms. It was like looking at a vast desert that wanted to consume everything. I was high enough that the rivers were mere squiggles of green across a manila canvas. However in the distance, on one of the poles I could make out a region that was all shiny with chrome with splashes of greenery here and there.
Approaching closer to the side that I could only assume was mine, I found a futuristic metropolis. As I came closer I could see that it was oddly laid out, with a strict grid pattern, that also contained gentle curves to the architecture. The greens were vast gardens each individually almost the size of Central Park. The buildings near the center were the tallest, with the very tallest seeming to be more crystal than concrete and steel. While on the outskirts of the city were vast military bases, with a truly massive wall encircling the whole of the city's girth. The wall had to be many times more massive than the Great Wall in China. After all it seemed to serve as one giant military fort / factory.
To give you a sense of scale; if the planet was the size of Earth, then my city would be like 10x the size of New York, New York.
And, as an added kicker, my city was slowly expanding, and it was seemingly evolving along in architecture and technology the closer to the center you got..
Deciding to investigate I turned to one of the bases that were active to see what was going on and why my city was being changed.
I don't know what I expected, but seeing a war with my own eyes was both one of the most interesting and most distressing events of my life. From my vantage point I could make out hordes of Jaffa emerging from pyramids that were scattered all across the desert. Marching to meet them was an army emerging from my wall, with air support.
It was oddly reminiscent of a body's immune system trying to fight off an infection. Since it would appear that with every victory on the city's side the front advanced into the desert, I think I'm that infection. And if I'm the infection then the desert would be the mind of goa'uld that I was possessing.
Now that I know I'm the city, the advancements to the structure must be a result of claiming parts of the landscape that would relate to some form of technology. And if the structures in said city were what was spawning my units then the larger it gets then the faster I could overwhelm the goa'uld's defenses.
Those pyramids could be an issue though in that they seemed to be the spawn points for the Jaffa, and the further in you went the closer they got as more and more laid in the desert inactive.
Directly opposite my core was a pyramid that was taller than anything on earth that was ever conceived. Surrounding the thing's pyramid core was a vast city of pyramids, with vast plains of primitive villages.
I could literally feel the slumbering beast under that pyramid. It made me feel small, and inconsequential which I tell you I've only ever felt once before while I was truly human.
I knew that once that thing awakened I would lose as the half-buried shipyards and pyramids in the depths of the desert would come to life with a flurry of vengeance.
The only thing that was preventing the beast from stirring was the fact that while maturing they were not really intelligent, but more like a semi-feral beast. This one though seemed to think it was in a Jaffa's prim'ta pouch. The pouch's seemed to render them semi-catatonic, or comatose for the near decade that it takes them to mature after being inserted..
Something about the pool that I had been tossed in must be pushing the symbiotes into a state that was mid-way between the two.
---
'Dammit' coming out of that trance was like drinking a gallon of Monster and holding your pee in while the worst headaches of your life decided that now was a good time to reappear to team up on you alongside those ice-cream headaches.
Blinking my eyes I turned only to cuss as my still on eye beams illuminated the dull and glassy eyes of the massive one that had tried to eat me earlier.
Darting back I took notice of the various fresh markings on its head along with the bites that had been torn out of its throat.
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Chapter End
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Hoping to get an update this Saturday if my muse allows.
If anyone has any suggestions, I'm open too them.
2017/1/13 punctuation edits made
Alright I'm back with an update, let me know if you like it.
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Chapter Start
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Apparently while I had been away trying to avoid getting eaten the cannibalistic feeding frenzy that had broken out decided that no, it wanted to be a giant slaughter-fest. And, whatever the hell was piloting the body right now seemed to think that diving straight into the fray would be the best idea.
I think I'm going to black out now, from a mix of pain and whatever this thing is using as an adrenaline substitute.
Here's to hoping I'm going to wake up in front of my computer in a few.
I swear MOOKDZ the next time I see you I'm going to punch the living daylights out of yah.
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Waking up was the last thing that I wanted to do.
Not, because of the pain. Though there was a lot of that present, so much so that I'm pretty confident that it's what woke me up in the first place.
Jerking my eyes open the first thing that was relevant, was that I was alive still. That one little thing was awesome as it means I'm awake from that weird dream. It also means that my laptop actually timed out on me for the first time.
Moving around I noticed that I was comfy, so that means I probably clambered onto my bed.
At least that was the delusion till I had to sneeze.
You know those big and loud sneezes where it's almost like a gunshot in an enclosed space?
My personal advice is to not do that underwater.
I learned that the hard way, by waking up to almost drowning in an odd mixture of fluids, most of which I would probably not like to know.
As the reality began to sink in, I noticed myself humming Taps. One of the most depressing and emotional songs that I know, and it totally matched the death of my hopes.
I had not actually woken up to my bedroom. No, instead I had reawakened as the damn goa'uld symbiote again.
The only difference that I noticed was that I was coated heavily in a mix of blueish blood, which only confirmed the horror of being in a different body for me.
Wiggling around I winced, thanks to raw muscles actually beginning to regrow and repair themselves as a result of whatever had happened after I had fainted from shock.
Looking around in the darkness I couldn't make out anything, it was like being blinded and not being able to see.
It was not fun running into edges and walls in the dark; the whole process was like stumbling around in the dark stubbing your toes and slamming your face into the walls.
Cussing quite vocally, in that annoying skree-burble thing that the symbiotes do underwater, I was hoping that there was a light around here somewhere.
Almost as if it was summoned with magic, a dim light appeared almost like two dim cones shining outwards.
Of f*ing course, the damn things have glow-rods for eyes.
Hmm, the glowing must be produced via either some bio-luminescence, or that wonder metal called naquadah.
Nah, the naquadah-less NID clone symbiotes could do the fancy eye thing in their hosts, so it can't be the naquadah that the standard ones have in them.
I would almost claim that there's something else in my head with me that knows how to make this body work better.
Trying to poke around in my head while I'm just floating around wherever I am, I can't feel anything different. I mean I still think I feel like myself, but my sense of narcissism does seem to be a little larger alongside my sense of pride.
Continuing to float around, I tried to focus deeper into whatever nebulous thing was this body's mind.
As I drifted ever deeper I could feel a vast and tangled web of sharp spurs of instincts that were the framing for whatever mind this was.
As I bottomed out inside of the weird mental visualization of whatever the hell this thing was, I had to wander how they resisted telepathic attacks. I mean with as vast as the Milky Way is, and how screwy physics get regularly violated in all three Stargate TV shows, there had to be some form of telepathy that would let people read minds. I know for a fact that there were memory viewing devices, mind uploads, and whatever the bots did.
But, no as I reached the actual mindscape it was quite different to what I was expecting.
I had been expecting either an Egyptian God's wet dream with slaves and pyramids, or my own which could reasonable look like anything I guess from fiction.
Instead I found a massive world lit up like noon all-day every-day everywhere on the planet in the middle of a void, it was mostly golden with brownish clouds of sand storms. It was like looking at a vast desert that wanted to consume everything. I was high enough that the rivers were mere squiggles of green across a manila canvas. However in the distance, on one of the poles I could make out a region that was all shiny with chrome with splashes of greenery here and there.
Approaching closer to the side that I could only assume was mine, I found a futuristic metropolis. As I came closer I could see that it was oddly laid out, with a strict grid pattern, that also contained gentle curves to the architecture. The greens were vast gardens each individually almost the size of Central Park. The buildings near the center were the tallest, with the very tallest seeming to be more crystal than concrete and steel. While on the outskirts of the city were vast military bases, with a truly massive wall encircling the whole of the city's girth. The wall had to be many times more massive than the Great Wall in China. After all it seemed to serve as one giant military fort / factory.
To give you a sense of scale; if the planet was the size of Earth, then my city would be like 10x the size of New York, New York.
And, as an added kicker, my city was slowly expanding, and it was seemingly evolving along in architecture and technology the closer to the center you got..
Deciding to investigate I turned to one of the bases that were active to see what was going on and why my city was being changed.
I don't know what I expected, but seeing a war with my own eyes was both one of the most interesting and most distressing events of my life. From my vantage point I could make out hordes of Jaffa emerging from pyramids that were scattered all across the desert. Marching to meet them was an army emerging from my wall, with air support.
It was oddly reminiscent of a body's immune system trying to fight off an infection. Since it would appear that with every victory on the city's side the front advanced into the desert, I think I'm that infection. And if I'm the infection then the desert would be the mind of goa'uld that I was possessing.
Now that I know I'm the city, the advancements to the structure must be a result of claiming parts of the landscape that would relate to some form of technology. And if the structures in said city were what was spawning my units then the larger it gets then the faster I could overwhelm the goa'uld's defenses.
Those pyramids could be an issue though in that they seemed to be the spawn points for the Jaffa, and the further in you went the closer they got as more and more laid in the desert inactive.
Directly opposite my core was a pyramid that was taller than anything on earth that was ever conceived. Surrounding the thing's pyramid core was a vast city of pyramids, with vast plains of primitive villages.
I could literally feel the slumbering beast under that pyramid. It made me feel small, and inconsequential which I tell you I've only ever felt once before while I was truly human.
I knew that once that thing awakened I would lose as the half-buried shipyards and pyramids in the depths of the desert would come to life with a flurry of vengeance.
The only thing that was preventing the beast from stirring was the fact that while maturing they were not really intelligent, but more like a semi-feral beast. This one though seemed to think it was in a Jaffa's prim'ta pouch. The pouch's seemed to render them semi-catatonic, or comatose for the near decade that it takes them to mature after being inserted..
Something about the pool that I had been tossed in must be pushing the symbiotes into a state that was mid-way between the two.
---
'Dammit' coming out of that trance was like drinking a gallon of Monster and holding your pee in while the worst headaches of your life decided that now was a good time to reappear to team up on you alongside those ice-cream headaches.
Blinking my eyes I turned only to cuss as my still on eye beams illuminated the dull and glassy eyes of the massive one that had tried to eat me earlier.
Darting back I took notice of the various fresh markings on its head along with the bites that had been torn out of its throat.
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Chapter End
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Hoping to get an update this Saturday if my muse allows.
If anyone has any suggestions, I'm open too them.
2017/1/13 punctuation edits made
Last edited:
TotalAbsolutism
That One Guy
- Location
- New Zealand
Wrong use of 'to' here.
When making an aside statement like that you should use commas on either side. Like so: "And, as an added kicker, my city"
You kinda do it here but it's not necessary. As a rule of thumb something bracketed by commas like that with that intention, i.e. not part of a list, should make sense when the section in commas is removed.
Otherwise you're still looking good. Some superfluous commas here and there, I can recommend picking up "Eats, Shoots and Leaves" for that, but you're progressing with the rewrite at a reasonable pace and I remain impressed by that.
As far as story goes not much commentary yet; we'll see where it goes for a bit more before I'll offer any thoughts in that regard.
Khan_Panther
My Muse stole my Necronomicon & pen
- Location
- Huh, I'm right here trapped in these words of mine
Thanks
I'll make the spelling edits in the morning once I'm back on the computer.
As for the dialogue and character development well, that's in the future. I have almost two more as just a symbiote, then we get a host.
I'm about halfway through chapter 4 and plan to have it up by Saturday evening at the latest.
Right now I'm working on filling in the section between here and the host ceremony.
That one was a pain and I spent almost a week making sure it was just right and was original.
4 - Surviving and Thriving in the Pool
Khan_Panther
My Muse stole my Necronomicon & pen
- Location
- Huh, I'm right here trapped in these words of mine
4 - Surviving and Thriving in the Pool
Sorry for the delay, my muse decided to abandon me for a while.
Just finished this earlier this evening, and already halfway through the next chapter.
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Chapter Start
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Dammit coming out of that trance was like drinking a gallon of Monster and holding your pee in while the worst headaches of your life decided that now was a good time to reappear to team up on you alongside those ice-cream headaches.
Blinking my eyes I turned only to cuss as my still on eye beams illuminated the dull and glassy eyes of the massive one that had tried to eat me earlier.
Darting back I took notice of the various fresh markings on its head along with the bites that had been torn out of its throat.
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Swimming closer so that I was almost touching said giant head was not an enjoyable experience.
The beast's skull was like that stuff that made elephant tusks.
Oh, what was it called?
Ivory, that's right.
Ivory, that was at one point shiny, but then dirtied by age is what the dead one's skull looked like.
Huh, I'm not thinking like myself.
That's not good, is it?
Nah, for right now it's nothing so I'll ignore it for the moment.
Hmm, swimming to my left and a little bit away from the dead giant, I could see a little bit past the corpse and see a dim source of light. I made extra sure that, that light I was seeing was not a reflection of my eye beams but rather an exit to the hole I was in.
Turning further to the left only revealed the curved wall of a piece of pipe. Interestingly, it was ridged like one of those corrugated drainage pipes that you see every now and then.
I was leery of turning my back to the corpse. I mean I knew that it was dead and as such should stay dead, but too many horror movies have been ingrained to turn away from the monsters once they were dead.
To the right of the tunnel / pipe was more corrugated siding. The same could also be found below on the floor, along with a shallow coating of fine sand.
I will say this about the Goa'uld, they seem a little obsessed with having crystal-clear water. I mean I could see clearly for quite a distance when I first landed, and only distance and the faint florescent blue coloring that has clearly been added to the mix, was responsible for vision drop off.
Swimming up next to the corpse I decided to 'bite the bullet' and took a small bite by the thing's eye to see if it was still alive or responsive. Detecting no response to my action I turned around to investigate the back of the pipe, all the while trying to ignore the taste in my mouth. The fleshy bit that I had bitten off tasted like a piece of burnt chicken, not appealing at all.
At the end of the pipe, which took almost two minutes of constant swimming to reach I could make out a slightly smaller symbiote that was just lying there. I mean it was still alive and all, but was seemingly in a state of sleep, I guess you could call it.
Getting closer I decided that the damn thing was most definitely unconscious going by the lack reaction that it gave to my presence.
I was now close enough to bump the silly thing. Going ahead and just doing that led me to discovering the presence of a filtration system for the pool, as at the very back there was a faint suction that became exposed after I nudged the symbiote off of part of the grating.
Sensing that my body / instincts wanted me to do something, I decided to just listen to them for the moment. It was only as I began positioning myself by the unconscious symbiote with my mandibles twitching that I began to have doubts as to what I was about to do.
---
Don't get me wrong it felt wrong to my human emotions, but dammit if I wasn't one of the tastiest things around. I mean I can see why those asshole System Lords at their summits eat the symbiotes, we're magically delicious.
Located just behind the skull was a small pearlescent organ-thing that was about a pencil in thickness and about as long. That was what my body / instincts had made me tear into and it was delicious as all hell.
It was like having a full steak dinner with mash-potatoes and gravy with biscuits. It was that rich in flavor, and the texture was strangely just like a piece of tender chicken breast. The after-taste though was like a thick piece of melt in your mouth salted caramel.
Strangely though I felt like I had a large buzz of caffeine, even though I hadn't had any since the New Year's Eve Party I went to. I'm not talking a small buzz either, I'm talking about a punch to the balls can of monster filled with five-hour energy shots buzz of caffeine.
---
So that's why the goa'uld were cannibalistic. They were addicted to the rush of euphoria and chemical goodies that eating one of those things could cause. It was like finding a diamond after a cow had shat it out; at least it was that way in taste qualities.
I highly do not recommend eating a goa'uld symbiote. For one reason a goa'uld's flesh is highly toxic, as in its blood is like injecting sulfuric acid into your blood stream, alongside its horrible taste. And, secondly, the little tasty organ thing would probably kill all of those who were not hosts for a Goa'uld.
Otherwise if you could survive, you would find it to be like eating a rich and filling meal that was potent enough to satisfy you for weeks. Although it would come as a piece of caffeine large enough to kill you almost a hundred times over. After all a pinch of caffeine is all that's required to kill you by overloading your heart.
---
Hmm, I know that I have bones, the one I snacked on had them also, and so did the giant.
Maybe I can fashion spikes from the giant corpse and use them to fortify this pipe into a nest for myself.
Yeah, that's what I'm going to do, turn this pipe into a proper doom-fortress fit for a snake.
The only question now is if I should see if the mutated giant had one of those tasty organs also. I really should come up with a name for them. I'll come back to that, as I can't seem to think of anything right now.
---
Looking outside I can see a really weird image I mean really.
There were Jaffa just bouncing around in steam-punkish diving suit with nets.
Huh, didn't know that those guys could get much more ludicrous, but they did it somehow.
Oh, that's not good.
So, that's what the nets are for. They were using their nets to catch some of the more mutated ones and then placing them into cases.
Yeah, let's not go out there where I could get caught. Instead let's hide out inside of my newly claimed pipe. Though I'll have to drag the large mutant's corpse all the way in to my lair if I want to avoid detection.
And, just like I thought he still tastes awful. But, I got him just in time to avoid one of them finding it sticking out into the open.
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Chapter End
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Alright this was a hard one, but it's done and the next one is halfway done. Plus my muse is back for a while.
One more chapter for in the pool, then we can go roaming in a new host.
Sorry for the delay, my muse decided to abandon me for a while.
Just finished this earlier this evening, and already halfway through the next chapter.
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Chapter Start
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Dammit coming out of that trance was like drinking a gallon of Monster and holding your pee in while the worst headaches of your life decided that now was a good time to reappear to team up on you alongside those ice-cream headaches.
Blinking my eyes I turned only to cuss as my still on eye beams illuminated the dull and glassy eyes of the massive one that had tried to eat me earlier.
Darting back I took notice of the various fresh markings on its head along with the bites that had been torn out of its throat.
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Swimming closer so that I was almost touching said giant head was not an enjoyable experience.
The beast's skull was like that stuff that made elephant tusks.
Oh, what was it called?
Ivory, that's right.
Ivory, that was at one point shiny, but then dirtied by age is what the dead one's skull looked like.
Huh, I'm not thinking like myself.
That's not good, is it?
Nah, for right now it's nothing so I'll ignore it for the moment.
Hmm, swimming to my left and a little bit away from the dead giant, I could see a little bit past the corpse and see a dim source of light. I made extra sure that, that light I was seeing was not a reflection of my eye beams but rather an exit to the hole I was in.
Turning further to the left only revealed the curved wall of a piece of pipe. Interestingly, it was ridged like one of those corrugated drainage pipes that you see every now and then.
I was leery of turning my back to the corpse. I mean I knew that it was dead and as such should stay dead, but too many horror movies have been ingrained to turn away from the monsters once they were dead.
To the right of the tunnel / pipe was more corrugated siding. The same could also be found below on the floor, along with a shallow coating of fine sand.
I will say this about the Goa'uld, they seem a little obsessed with having crystal-clear water. I mean I could see clearly for quite a distance when I first landed, and only distance and the faint florescent blue coloring that has clearly been added to the mix, was responsible for vision drop off.
Swimming up next to the corpse I decided to 'bite the bullet' and took a small bite by the thing's eye to see if it was still alive or responsive. Detecting no response to my action I turned around to investigate the back of the pipe, all the while trying to ignore the taste in my mouth. The fleshy bit that I had bitten off tasted like a piece of burnt chicken, not appealing at all.
At the end of the pipe, which took almost two minutes of constant swimming to reach I could make out a slightly smaller symbiote that was just lying there. I mean it was still alive and all, but was seemingly in a state of sleep, I guess you could call it.
Getting closer I decided that the damn thing was most definitely unconscious going by the lack reaction that it gave to my presence.
I was now close enough to bump the silly thing. Going ahead and just doing that led me to discovering the presence of a filtration system for the pool, as at the very back there was a faint suction that became exposed after I nudged the symbiote off of part of the grating.
Sensing that my body / instincts wanted me to do something, I decided to just listen to them for the moment. It was only as I began positioning myself by the unconscious symbiote with my mandibles twitching that I began to have doubts as to what I was about to do.
---
Don't get me wrong it felt wrong to my human emotions, but dammit if I wasn't one of the tastiest things around. I mean I can see why those asshole System Lords at their summits eat the symbiotes, we're magically delicious.
Located just behind the skull was a small pearlescent organ-thing that was about a pencil in thickness and about as long. That was what my body / instincts had made me tear into and it was delicious as all hell.
It was like having a full steak dinner with mash-potatoes and gravy with biscuits. It was that rich in flavor, and the texture was strangely just like a piece of tender chicken breast. The after-taste though was like a thick piece of melt in your mouth salted caramel.
Strangely though I felt like I had a large buzz of caffeine, even though I hadn't had any since the New Year's Eve Party I went to. I'm not talking a small buzz either, I'm talking about a punch to the balls can of monster filled with five-hour energy shots buzz of caffeine.
---
So that's why the goa'uld were cannibalistic. They were addicted to the rush of euphoria and chemical goodies that eating one of those things could cause. It was like finding a diamond after a cow had shat it out; at least it was that way in taste qualities.
I highly do not recommend eating a goa'uld symbiote. For one reason a goa'uld's flesh is highly toxic, as in its blood is like injecting sulfuric acid into your blood stream, alongside its horrible taste. And, secondly, the little tasty organ thing would probably kill all of those who were not hosts for a Goa'uld.
Otherwise if you could survive, you would find it to be like eating a rich and filling meal that was potent enough to satisfy you for weeks. Although it would come as a piece of caffeine large enough to kill you almost a hundred times over. After all a pinch of caffeine is all that's required to kill you by overloading your heart.
---
Hmm, I know that I have bones, the one I snacked on had them also, and so did the giant.
Maybe I can fashion spikes from the giant corpse and use them to fortify this pipe into a nest for myself.
Yeah, that's what I'm going to do, turn this pipe into a proper doom-fortress fit for a snake.
The only question now is if I should see if the mutated giant had one of those tasty organs also. I really should come up with a name for them. I'll come back to that, as I can't seem to think of anything right now.
---
Looking outside I can see a really weird image I mean really.
There were Jaffa just bouncing around in steam-punkish diving suit with nets.
Huh, didn't know that those guys could get much more ludicrous, but they did it somehow.
Oh, that's not good.
So, that's what the nets are for. They were using their nets to catch some of the more mutated ones and then placing them into cases.
Yeah, let's not go out there where I could get caught. Instead let's hide out inside of my newly claimed pipe. Though I'll have to drag the large mutant's corpse all the way in to my lair if I want to avoid detection.
And, just like I thought he still tastes awful. But, I got him just in time to avoid one of them finding it sticking out into the open.
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Chapter End
--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---
Alright this was a hard one, but it's done and the next one is halfway done. Plus my muse is back for a while.
One more chapter for in the pool, then we can go roaming in a new host.
Last edited:
TotalAbsolutism
That One Guy
- Location
- New Zealand
Better to use italics than an asterisk for emphasis if you want people to take you seriously.
Without something to contrast against the 'though' seems weird; it could be cut.
Superfluous comma.
You can cut the first comma. Also, you may want to replace the second one with a semicolon.
Use 'one' instead of '1' in most cases. Either cut the comma before secondly or add another one after it.
Could use a period after 'caught'. Also, 'hide out' instead of 'hideout'. The former is the action and the latter is the location.
Still seeing improvements on the whole.
Khan_Panther
My Muse stole my Necronomicon & pen
- Location
- Huh, I'm right here trapped in these words of mine
@TotalAbsolutism thanks for catching those, I'll make those changes now.