A/N: Please do not try to argue politics or religion with me over this. This is a story. If it...
Jesus: Immigration
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Numen
Long Time Creeper
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A/N: Please do not try to argue politics or religion with me over this. This is a story. If it helps, pretend they're aliens doing stuff to another planet. I am religious myself and have no wish to offend. Usually, I write religion in a much more theological way. This was a plot-bunny reaction to recent events.
Jesus: Immigration (Original)
When He came back, he wasn't quite sure what he was looking at. The young Palestinian man watched the crumbling stone walls next to him in confusion.
The walls are cracked in a very strange way.
Unnaturally, as if some ballista had struck them particularly hard and destroyed the structure.
There was a fierce roaring sound, like thunder and lighting and a great plume of fire and smoke erupted from deeper within the city.
Now that his attention was caught, He stared in incomprehension upon the towers that jutted into the sky like- taller than the greatest Ziggurats in the world. Some were as tall as small mountains, he was certain of that.
He looked at his hands. They were smooth and clean, yet he distinctly remembered pain. He examined his feet. They were bare.
He was dressed in a simple robe and his dark beard hung thickly from his jaw.
"Who am I?"
There was a strange, clattering sound and a large construct- it looked like a Roman Siege Engine, but much larger and more menacing and without any obvious means to move it.
The Engine turned a long spear like object upon him- he briefly surmised that the mechanism to allow for the pivot must be inside the iron dome from whence the spear jutted from.
Suddenly the hatch popped open and a foreign looking man poked his head out, he was dressed in a helmet of a style unfamiliar to him and he was wearing what looked like armour.
The soldier's facial features were strange. He had heard of such men before. The Seres from the far east, so far away in a land where there was great wealth and mighty mountains.
He had a strange certainty that in ancient ages, they worshipped The One God.
The soldier hopped out of the engine and jumped down to the ground and approached him.
"Who are you?" he spoke in a foreign language, bearing some slight similarity to Latin.
However, He understood perfectly.
Interesting.
He smiled and replied, "I am…"
Who am I?
The uncertainty nagged at him.
Suddenly out of the shadows screaming soldiers charged out, wearing green armour and their heads were covered in clothes of black.
The foreign soldier swore and turned a strange spear like weapon upon the intruders.
Thunder and lightning cracked and small pellets of metal glinted in the sunlight. He saw it clearly although it was moving faster than sound itself.
None hit Him. But the foreign soldier, bleeding from several wounds as the intruders swarmed their position. One of the Intruders threw a iron rock at the hatch of the Engine which had begun to back away when they first appeared.
There was a mighty sound like the trumpet of an angry angel that signalled the end of the world and the Engine stopped moving as smoke rose from the opened hatch.
One of the man reached out to grab Him by the hair.
Acting purely on instinct, He raised an arm and casually grabbed the wrist of the black masked soldier.
The man screamed and roared in a vaguely familiar language.
"Unhand me! Are you working with the infidels!?"
One of the other soldiers raised the lightning spear and shot at Him.
The tiny metal knife missed him.
More metal knives flew at him from all directions, fired from the strange thunder-weapons that each of them wielded like a spear.
They all missed him.
While surprised, He realized that he was still gripping the wrist of the man who had tried to manhandled him. With a shrug, He broke the man's wrist and ripped out his arm.
As the man went down screaming he walked over to the dying Seres soldier and clapped his palms together. Somehow, instinctively, he knew he could do what he was about to do.
"Be well."
The man gasped as the wounds in his body closed and pushed out the small metal bits embedded in them. His shredded lungs were regenerated in an instant.
The Intruders saw this and screamed in fear and rage. One of them screeched, "Witch! Sorcerer! Devil-worshipper!"
He tired of this. With a gesture of his arms, the Intruder that had accused of him of witchcraft gasped in pain as his skin began to bubble with cancerous tumours. He wailed in pain and horror before exploding into viscera.
The other intruders screamed and ran away.
The Seres soldier looked at him in awe and fear. He gasped in his native tongue.
"W-what are you?"
He shrugged.
Then...a name came to him.
"My name is Yeshua."
The Seres man blinked his eyes and replied, sounding stunned.
"You speak Chinese? How did you do that?"
There was a groan from behind them. Another Seres soldier was climbing out of the smoking wreckage of the unmoving Engine.
The Soldier in front of Yeshua turned and ran towards his comrade.
"Hang on Private Cheng! We'll get you medical evac...unless-"
He turned back to Yeshua, hope in his eyes.
Yeshua shrugged and marched towards the pair.
"Allow me to heal you, sir."
+++
His memories was slowly coming back. It was difficult, very difficult to remember anything. It was like there wasn't actually anything in his mind.
There was a general knowledge of languages and how to do things. But he couldn't really comprehend how he knew things.
It was all very instinctive.
He looked up when the door opened and a grim faced older soldier entered the room. Like the others he met, he was of Seres stock.
"My name is Major Yu. I am in charge of the operations here in Syria for the People's Republic of China. According to my men, supposedly...you have superpowers. What are you?"
Yeshua thought about that for a moment. Truly, what was he?
"I am a man."
Major Yu's eyebrow twitched.
"I am aware of that. Who's side are you on?"
"I….am not certain. What is going on? Is this the Holy Land?"
Major Yu gave him a very odd look.
"This is Syria. Where a Civil War has been raging for a very long time. Who are you? Where do you come from?"
"My name is Yeshua. I do not know where I come from."
He frowned and then looked at the Major.
"I don't remember where I came from actually. My name only came to me earlier today."
"Amnesia", the soldier cursed, "Well, you've been a great help. Can you heal the wounded? We have a lot of those."
"Certainly."
+++
For weeks he healed the sick. The injured. The amputated. He wove flesh like fabric, they parted at his fingertips, they knitted together like wool. He repaired organs and regrew bone. He regenerated limbs and even woke the comatose from their unnatural sleep.
People whispered in awe. Some of the soldiers would bow to him and clasp their hand in prayer.
He did not really understand their gesture. This was what he was supposed to do. He was certain of it.
And then he heard about Aleppo.
"Children?""President Assad is somewhat heavy handed, but he means well. In war, you cannot always keep your hands clean."
Yeshua could certainly understand. There were many kings like that.
Then he met the man himself.
+++
"So...you're the miraculous Imam who could heal people. You must be a sign from God! Surely he has answered my prayers."
Yeshua saw deeper however. Into the man's eyes and into his mind, Yeshua saw that the man was an atheistic aristocrat who saw this as an opportunity to bolster his own reputation and win the support he desperately needs.
And then Yeshua saw it.
The darkness clawing at the man's very soul. The heavy weight of the screaming and damned. The many he had murdered and the suffering he had caused. They clung to him like a cloak of suffering.
Yeshua almost gagged at the rotting stench of corruption- the spiritual kind. The kind he could not stand.
He purified the room, unleashing the power he kept tightly coiled around himself. The eternal limitless energy that he bent roughly to the shape of man.
The power inside every person that nobody realized. His very soul expanded its boundaries a thousandfold and Assad screamed in pain and horror as portions of his corrupt soul began to eject his body.
Bodyguards broke into the room, rifles raised. Major Yu also walked in, having previously escorted Yeshua to the meeting with Syria's President.
They watched in horror as Assad dropped to his knees, screaming in pain and begging for mercy.
"D-don't kill me!"
He exploded into gory bits.
"I am not killing anyone. The world itself rejects your existence as it must."
+++
3 Weeks Later
"I need to expand the territory of my spiritual kingdom," Yeshua declared one morning as he sipped his cup of coffee.
Marvelous product. Makes coming back to this hell-hole worth it.
Major Yu and the Rebel Abdullah stood stoically in front of their Lord. Yu dared asked the obvious question.
"My Lord? What does that mean?"
"I am raising this entire world into a higher plane of existence. Those who cannot contain the greater energies of God find themselves ejected from this reality. The spreading of my territory is small, but my very presence is like the heart of a newborn star. Impossible for any who are unworthy to maintain corporeality for long."
Abdullah nodded.
"So...they aren't really dead. They're just...incorporealized."
"Yes. Defleshed and cast into a lower plane."
The Lord sat down at the table of the incorporealized President Assad and steepled his fingers together. He took a look at a map of the world on a nearby wall.
"I need to be somewhere else. This King Putin will be wanting answers for what happened. I do not think the Russian forces in Syria will appreciate my...subversion of their assets. Or of the country. It is good that the heretics are dealt with."
Abdullah nodded.
"ISIS has been routed. They stood no chance against the might of Jibrail. The other insurgent groups are firmly behind you, Lord Isa."
"Good. Good. Now...how do I travel to America?"
Major Yu frowned.
"Things are very confusing right now, but I can pull some strings and have a Visa arranged for you."
"Excellent. Very good."
+++
The security guard held up an arm to stop Yeshua.
"Excuse me. You need to be detained right now."
Yeshua frowned. His travel companion, Joshua bristled in fury and replied,"How dare you. Do you know who this man is!?"
Yeshua held up one arm and Joshua became silent.
"Peace Joshua. Let the officer explain himself."
The guard glared at Joshua and muttered something that sounded like, "Filthy Jew."
Joshua glared back, "I am Christian you racist fuck."
The guard turned back to Yeshua and sneered at his white robes and his beard, "Listen here Muslim. President Trump don't like you, and just a couple minutes ago, he signed a travel ban on all you filthy terrorists. So you gonna be detained."
The lady who sat behind the counter looked apologetic. She was checking their visa when she called the guard over. Joshua looked ready to explode, but Yeshua held up a hand.
"No. Detain us. But I am calling my lawyer."
+++
Pope Francis woke with a groan. His mobile phone was ringing incessantly.
He held the phone up to his ear.
"Yes?"
"Francis, I am Jesus. Get your lawyers and meet me in New York."
"Wha-"
He watched as the statue of Jesus in the corner of his room turned his head and glared at him. The statue opened his mouth and screamed at him.
"I MEAN NOW!"
The voice was the same as the one in the phone.
Francis gulped.
+++
They tried their best. The army of lawyers that the Pope unleashed on the Airport was terrifying and even made national news. The reason they were there was kept confidential.
And for a few weeks, it looked like the ban was lifted. Then it was slammed back on. Yeshua was found by authorities and deported immediately.
They failed.
Yeshua sighed and got on the plane back to Syria. Joshua set a comforting hand on his Lord's shoulder.
"I am sorry. America is lost to you."
"It is lost to all of us."
+++
Donald Trump stared disbelieving at what Mike Pence was saying.
"What do you mean everybody in the rest of the world disappeared?"
Mike gulped nervously.
"Not everybody Donald. There was billions left, but the majority of the human race just up and vanished. We found President Assad screaming in his office like a madman and oh, ISIS is now ruling Syria since almost everybody else from the country disappeared."
"What about America?"
"America is the same as always, but our economy is fucked. We have literally no one to trade with!"
Donald slammed his fist on the table.
"Well that's perfect. We don't need the rest of the world anyway. We can have American goods for the American market made by American people in American jobs. This will make America GREAT again!"
+++
"I don't understand, why were you stopped by a petty travel ban?"
"Usually, I'd rule-lawyer my way to all kinds of miracles, but unfortunately, the ban was too broad. Literally, even pagan gods from any of the seven countries in the ban would be unable to travel to America."
Francis looked stunned.
"God's great plan was thwarted by legalism?"
Yeshua held up a cup so that Muhammad, an Islamic scholar who was his representative to the Islamic faithful poured him a cup of Earl Grey.
"Yeah. The first lawyers were priests you know? And the first laws were spells. The Covenant was basically a contract. Despite the secular concept of the term today, the binding power of law hasn't diminished. This is why I derive most of my kingdom from unstable areas of the world where there are more loopholes."
"I suppose, we can only hope America votes a different President into power," the Pope mused.
"I pray to my Father everyday for such an outcome."
FIN
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- Location
- Wales
This is funny in the same way saint young men is keep up the good work.
Numen
Long Time Creeper
- Location
- Canada
Am kind of excited (yay "legal" troubles!) about the review the moderators are going to perform on the crosspost of this thread on SB. Barely a day in and its mired in controversy.
I am mildly pleased. Although, I wonder whether it's Trump or Jesus that caused people to be offended. The only people with concerns were concerned over Jesus. Anyway, it seems like the mod locked it as a matter of course just in case which I don't fault them for.
But I wonder why SV here didn't generate as much objection to the depiction of Jesus as SB did? Is it the slower traffic?
Edit: honestly, nobody was rude, no flame wars were started. So I wonder if it's pre-emptive in anticipation of a flame war?
I am mildly pleased. Although, I wonder whether it's Trump or Jesus that caused people to be offended. The only people with concerns were concerned over Jesus. Anyway, it seems like the mod locked it as a matter of course just in case which I don't fault them for.
But I wonder why SV here didn't generate as much objection to the depiction of Jesus as SB did? Is it the slower traffic?
Edit: honestly, nobody was rude, no flame wars were started. So I wonder if it's pre-emptive in anticipation of a flame war?
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Walker of Paths
All Things Die
- Location
- To Be Honest, I Don't Know Either.
In my opinion the depiction of Jesus' general personality and actions was reasonably accurate.
Also, while possibly-innaccurate, the general depiction of Trump was too vague to critique. He wasn't displayed as dumb just... relatively uninformed. Which is pretty accurate, and I voted for him.
Also, while possibly-innaccurate, the general depiction of Trump was too vague to critique. He wasn't displayed as dumb just... relatively uninformed. Which is pretty accurate, and I voted for him.
AnonymousRabbit
Rabbit Faced
I really liked it. That was pretty good.
Numen
Long Time Creeper
- Location
- Canada
True. Although, my work is hardly even satire. Except for poking fun at the travel ban. We'll see what the result is soon enough.
CompassJimbo
Where’s Your North?
- Location
- The former Rubber Capital of the World
My mind is full of holy fuck.
Walker of Paths
All Things Die
- Location
- To Be Honest, I Don't Know Either.
Actually, there's one criticism I have.
See, I live in Texas. Specifically, a town of less than 14000 people. Generally, if there is any part of the country which people stereotype as 'Racist-Land' it's the rural south. Now, if there's one thing I believe i understand from experience, it's that no-one is simultaneously and equally hateful to both of these specific ethnic groups at once.
Even more than that, the problem with the rollout of the 'Travel Ban' wasnt that the people enforcing it were overzealous, it's that they honestly didnt know who not to stop, so they went with the 'safe' option: Everyone.
Tl;dr, you tried a bit too hard to make it sound racist. this type of speaking is such that i can only find like examples on 4chan's /pol/.
Clean up the dialogue itself so that the officer conveys more actual confusion and that would be good.
Hell, it wouldnt even effect the end outcome, as He still wouldn't qaulify to get through as it was decided to enforce.
See, I live in Texas. Specifically, a town of less than 14000 people. Generally, if there is any part of the country which people stereotype as 'Racist-Land' it's the rural south. Now, if there's one thing I believe i understand from experience, it's that no-one is simultaneously and equally hateful to both of these specific ethnic groups at once.
Even more than that, the problem with the rollout of the 'Travel Ban' wasnt that the people enforcing it were overzealous, it's that they honestly didnt know who not to stop, so they went with the 'safe' option: Everyone.
Tl;dr, you tried a bit too hard to make it sound racist. this type of speaking is such that i can only find like examples on 4chan's /pol/.
Clean up the dialogue itself so that the officer conveys more actual confusion and that would be good.
Hell, it wouldnt even effect the end outcome, as He still wouldn't qaulify to get through as it was decided to enforce.
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I don't know what I read but I'm reasonably certain it will make many people angry. I love it.
Walker of Paths
All Things Die
- Location
- To Be Honest, I Don't Know Either.
Bit late to the party, there. the SB thread is a hazard zone.
Numen
Long Time Creeper
- Location
- Canada
Yeah. I wonder if maybe the mods will leave it in administration limbo and just keep it locked forever to prevent any kind of replies- and thus flame wars- from happening. I wouldn't blame them if it's more volatile than I realized.
Very true. Fair criticism. However, I also made it so that the lady at the counter was exactly as you describe, the confused and uncertain how to process the suddenly changed rules. So she called in guard- who happens to be racist. New York is a big place, and there are all kinds of people...
Maybe I'll consider changing it up in the future. This was only a one-shot afterall, and is political commentary on current events so...
Numen
Long Time Creeper
- Location
- Canada
Indeed. I accept their judgement nonetheless. I guess that's why authors normally try to convey world issues through fictional settings rather than directly.
Should I ask for SV mods to lock this thread as well then? To prevent any potential flamewars.
Chloe Sullivan
Subdefective
- Location
- 1630 Revello Drive, Sunnydale CA
Heh, 'bout time someone did a story that properly appreciated that biblical law is fundamentally contract based. (With the NT salvation doctrine basically being "by mutual agreement this supercedes all prior contracts upon acceptance")
Strunkriidiisk
THE LEGEND
- Location
- Canada
- Pronouns
- He/Him
...I need to see this.
Edit: Never mind, that was actually fairly
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Numen
Long Time Creeper
- Location
- Canada
Thanks. Life is full of contracts. Social Contracts that is and it's in so many other religions and cultures as well. It just seems very obvious to me. We agreed to be a participant in a life or way or polity and there are rules.
Yeah it was really tame. Honestly if I was a less chill dude, I would be angry at how some people reacted, but next time I'll go with fictional. Honestly I hadn't expected people to be annoyed over Jesus. I wrote the fic to protest about Trump mostly.
Numen
Long Time Creeper
- Location
- Canada
I voluntarily submitted this fic for review. Just in case.
Edit: apparently it has already been reviewed and was not an isseu. Well, hope this fics status stays that way. I reiterate I am not trying to offend anyone. I just need a vehicle to carry forth a plot bunny about Trump's ban effecting Jesus.
Edit: apparently it has already been reviewed and was not an isseu. Well, hope this fics status stays that way. I reiterate I am not trying to offend anyone. I just need a vehicle to carry forth a plot bunny about Trump's ban effecting Jesus.
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