Spartakrod
Judeo-Spartacist Bolshevik-Kabbalist
- Location
- Sanctum Arcanorum
- Pronouns
- Fae/Faer/Faers/Faerself
My short life is filled with regrettable decisions done for the amusement of the internet.
I've decided to finally live up to a promise I made on the IRC and have decided to watch a movie you all probably have heard about but if you haven't; brace yourselves because this movie is a cardinal sin on cinema as a medium. Terrible animation, terrible writing, terrible themes, terrible characters, terrible everything. An animated movie so horrendous that the story of how it got made is more enjoyable than anything it actually has to offer.
Foodfight! was a movie that came out of the brain of Larry Kasanoff whose previous film credits include the first Mortal Kombat movie; which was mediocre at best if we're being entirely honest here. Despite this he somehow managed to acquire a budget of forty five to sixty five million dollars to finance an idea he had inspired by Toy Story. But instead of being a celebration of the toys kids play with and adults played with; it'd be a celebration of Supermarket product icons.
Yeah, because Charlie the Tuna or that pickle stork have any value beyond being walking, talking, advertisement gimmicks and needed a 90 minute monument to soul draining corporatism to exist in their favour. It was scheduled for release in the christmas of 2003 but due to all manner of behind the scenes shenanigans that apparently included hard drive theft; they had to start over and delay their release repeatedly, pushing it back year after year until it dropped off the radar entirely. Then it got auctioned off for about a million dollars and some schmucks decided to give it a limited theater release in the United Kingdom and a direct to DVD release everywhere else to try and make some money back in June of 2012.
Yeah I'd say that wasn't their proudest moment as entrepreneurs.
People who claim to have worked on the movie all point to Larry Kasanoff being the source of the film's greatest issues as he constantly micromanaged everything despite not knowing how to direct an animated movie; constantly demanding that scenes be "more awesome, more cool" or whatever. He also insisted that the script be filled with constantly more gags and put the cast and crew under constant overbearing pressure. But that all doesn't quite explain how so much money could go into something that looks like a Nintendo 64 game cutscene. I'm hardly alone in thinking this; but I'm 99% certain that this movie was actually a giant embezzlement scheme by Mr.Kasanoff at the expense of most everyone else involved.
Look at this asshole. Look at him.
And while he can hardly be the sole reason that everything in this god awful trainwreck is so wretched; I'm willing to put at least...50% of the blame on him.
So let's begin.
May the gods lay all that you have worked on into ash and dust, and may all that you strive for be as cinders.
You know it's a good movie when the opening credits look like something a seven year old could concoct in their computer lab class. Can't you just feel the effort? Is it not apparent on the screen? I mean, somebody was actually paid to create this! Gods what a world we live in where this could have been acceptable for a release in a year that gave us the Avengers, the Dark Knight Rises, and Wreck it motherfucking Ralph. Or if it were released in it's intended year; it would have been a contemporary of the Return of the King and Finding Nemo.
We are in for a treat.
You can't see it because I don't have the reflexes to hit the pause button fast enough, but this market is called Marketopolis....Market. "Market City Market". Already we can see the creativity of the film crew at work here. And yeah; I've seen more convincing graphics from games older than I am, come on guys this is inexcusably lazy.
Man those are some ugly people mod-wait.
Do you see that?
That...is a two dimensional painted non-rendered background and you'd have a damn hard time convincing me otherwise. This movie cost more to make than District 9, Jurassic Park, any of the Metroid Prime games, and god damn Toy Story; you do not get an excuse to be this lazy or at the very least, this lazy and making so little effort to hide the fact that you're being this fucking lazy.
Un-fucking believable they even wave it in our faces with a lingering closeup of the fruits of their lack of labour.
With a pointless cut to the Marketopolis Market sign shutting off in then cuts to the lights in the store cutting off one by one
(I've been to many tacky supermarkets with all the moving around my family does, but this is a special kind of tackiness)
But after the last light turns off and the old lady's car bumps into a shopping kart before driving off (no seriously it cuts back to the parking lot) all the lights in the Supermarket start turning back on and suddenly transforming into an entire city for reasons which I have been told will never be explained or touched on in the movie. While this is kind of forgivable (Toy Story and Wreck it Ralph don't really explain their mechanics either), they do at least do their sudden springing into life in a way that humans would have a hard time stumbling into, either by them not actually changing the world around them (Toy Story) or by them acting in a secluded space where humans can't inadvertantly walk into (Ralph). Here um...it's kind of hard to miss the entire market turning into...
That. That's not something people are going to miss. And given that you can no longer see the backwall it seems that supermarkets also double as god damn TARDISes. I mean, you'd just have to drive by to see why the lights in the Supermarket are all on to figure out that something's seriously amiss here. And yeah, that building with the words "Foo Man Chewy's" (before panning over to another similarly designed building called "Kung Tofu") are not inspiring a great deal of hope in me for this movie. Also there's a baugette hot air balloon that rushes by as the camera pans because why the hell not?
Meanwhile: here are some shitty special effects that we get to see while some shitty pop-song called "It's our world" assaults our ears to make sure that both senses a movie plays at can be offended.
Here's a chocolate vampire bat with the lifeless eyes of a zombie.
Here are some water effects that wouldn't be considered convincing ten years ago.
Here's a racist stereotype who even has slanty eyes and when he speaks (from clips I've seen), he sounds even more racist.
Here's an elephant who can't dance and conjures the emotion of unrelenting terror more than whimsy.
Here's Mr.Clean getting mud (or is it shit?) all over him courtesy of a farting frog who jumped out of the sewer only to get hit by his own manhole while he wafts the scent of his own farts away while telling us all how he's so excited for...something and this is also the point where I really need to take a break because in maybe a few minutes of screen time I've been bombarded with the most horrendous opening sequence I have ever seen in a kid's movie. Like, I actually could feel my face scrunch up in disgust as this...this...*sequence* unfolded in front of me and nothing but loathing welled up inside of me. First impressions are everything and I can tell that I am going to hate every minute of this.
I've decided to finally live up to a promise I made on the IRC and have decided to watch a movie you all probably have heard about but if you haven't; brace yourselves because this movie is a cardinal sin on cinema as a medium. Terrible animation, terrible writing, terrible themes, terrible characters, terrible everything. An animated movie so horrendous that the story of how it got made is more enjoyable than anything it actually has to offer.
Foodfight! was a movie that came out of the brain of Larry Kasanoff whose previous film credits include the first Mortal Kombat movie; which was mediocre at best if we're being entirely honest here. Despite this he somehow managed to acquire a budget of forty five to sixty five million dollars to finance an idea he had inspired by Toy Story. But instead of being a celebration of the toys kids play with and adults played with; it'd be a celebration of Supermarket product icons.
Yeah, because Charlie the Tuna or that pickle stork have any value beyond being walking, talking, advertisement gimmicks and needed a 90 minute monument to soul draining corporatism to exist in their favour. It was scheduled for release in the christmas of 2003 but due to all manner of behind the scenes shenanigans that apparently included hard drive theft; they had to start over and delay their release repeatedly, pushing it back year after year until it dropped off the radar entirely. Then it got auctioned off for about a million dollars and some schmucks decided to give it a limited theater release in the United Kingdom and a direct to DVD release everywhere else to try and make some money back in June of 2012.
Yeah I'd say that wasn't their proudest moment as entrepreneurs.
People who claim to have worked on the movie all point to Larry Kasanoff being the source of the film's greatest issues as he constantly micromanaged everything despite not knowing how to direct an animated movie; constantly demanding that scenes be "more awesome, more cool" or whatever. He also insisted that the script be filled with constantly more gags and put the cast and crew under constant overbearing pressure. But that all doesn't quite explain how so much money could go into something that looks like a Nintendo 64 game cutscene. I'm hardly alone in thinking this; but I'm 99% certain that this movie was actually a giant embezzlement scheme by Mr.Kasanoff at the expense of most everyone else involved.
Look at this asshole. Look at him.
And while he can hardly be the sole reason that everything in this god awful trainwreck is so wretched; I'm willing to put at least...50% of the blame on him.
So let's begin.
May the gods lay all that you have worked on into ash and dust, and may all that you strive for be as cinders.
You know it's a good movie when the opening credits look like something a seven year old could concoct in their computer lab class. Can't you just feel the effort? Is it not apparent on the screen? I mean, somebody was actually paid to create this! Gods what a world we live in where this could have been acceptable for a release in a year that gave us the Avengers, the Dark Knight Rises, and Wreck it motherfucking Ralph. Or if it were released in it's intended year; it would have been a contemporary of the Return of the King and Finding Nemo.
We are in for a treat.
You can't see it because I don't have the reflexes to hit the pause button fast enough, but this market is called Marketopolis....Market. "Market City Market". Already we can see the creativity of the film crew at work here. And yeah; I've seen more convincing graphics from games older than I am, come on guys this is inexcusably lazy.
Man those are some ugly people mod-wait.
Do you see that?
That...is a two dimensional painted non-rendered background and you'd have a damn hard time convincing me otherwise. This movie cost more to make than District 9, Jurassic Park, any of the Metroid Prime games, and god damn Toy Story; you do not get an excuse to be this lazy or at the very least, this lazy and making so little effort to hide the fact that you're being this fucking lazy.
Un-fucking believable they even wave it in our faces with a lingering closeup of the fruits of their lack of labour.
With a pointless cut to the Marketopolis Market sign shutting off in then cuts to the lights in the store cutting off one by one
(I've been to many tacky supermarkets with all the moving around my family does, but this is a special kind of tackiness)
But after the last light turns off and the old lady's car bumps into a shopping kart before driving off (no seriously it cuts back to the parking lot) all the lights in the Supermarket start turning back on and suddenly transforming into an entire city for reasons which I have been told will never be explained or touched on in the movie. While this is kind of forgivable (Toy Story and Wreck it Ralph don't really explain their mechanics either), they do at least do their sudden springing into life in a way that humans would have a hard time stumbling into, either by them not actually changing the world around them (Toy Story) or by them acting in a secluded space where humans can't inadvertantly walk into (Ralph). Here um...it's kind of hard to miss the entire market turning into...
That. That's not something people are going to miss. And given that you can no longer see the backwall it seems that supermarkets also double as god damn TARDISes. I mean, you'd just have to drive by to see why the lights in the Supermarket are all on to figure out that something's seriously amiss here. And yeah, that building with the words "Foo Man Chewy's" (before panning over to another similarly designed building called "Kung Tofu") are not inspiring a great deal of hope in me for this movie. Also there's a baugette hot air balloon that rushes by as the camera pans because why the hell not?
Meanwhile: here are some shitty special effects that we get to see while some shitty pop-song called "It's our world" assaults our ears to make sure that both senses a movie plays at can be offended.
Here's a chocolate vampire bat with the lifeless eyes of a zombie.
Here are some water effects that wouldn't be considered convincing ten years ago.
Here's a racist stereotype who even has slanty eyes and when he speaks (from clips I've seen), he sounds even more racist.
Here's an elephant who can't dance and conjures the emotion of unrelenting terror more than whimsy.
Here's Mr.Clean getting mud (or is it shit?) all over him courtesy of a farting frog who jumped out of the sewer only to get hit by his own manhole while he wafts the scent of his own farts away while telling us all how he's so excited for...something and this is also the point where I really need to take a break because in maybe a few minutes of screen time I've been bombarded with the most horrendous opening sequence I have ever seen in a kid's movie. Like, I actually could feel my face scrunch up in disgust as this...this...*sequence* unfolded in front of me and nothing but loathing welled up inside of me. First impressions are everything and I can tell that I am going to hate every minute of this.
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