Athene
Rise for the Shadow Queen
- Location
- Dream of The 90s
- Pronouns
- She/Her
So this was prompted by a discussion on how Navy SEALS are, to put it kindly, aggressive self promoters. I was going through the list of books about Navy SEALS when Romance books kept popping up. Imagine to my surprise slash horror as a Marine that there are enough of these books that there is a best of list on Good Reads. How many are in the best list?
Yeah...WOW...
Well, how are the books themselves? Good fucking lord, where do I start? I guess...my diving into this mess and reading my way through all of them and giving you the highlights.
Just try him
Christ, next.
Next book, please.
Argentina America"
Ok, you have to see the cover of this book:
Lets leave aside the fact that the marketing guys try so hard to cram in faux military jargon so poorly, I could make jokes about the SEALs being the bottom (She infiltrated his base), that is an incrediby weird cover. Apparently he fell asleep in the sun under a maple leaf cutout and has an incredibly bad sunburn (and look how much it obviously hurts) that the dude is going to get teased about constantly. There will be six bottles of maple syrup in his locker by the end of the day.
"Thank god you caught the Tim Horton's Throttler but I just got a threatening letter from the Molson Mauler!"
(Which are love letters to themselves)
Bonus, this line from a review on the page:
*nods*
Also why are they protecting his sister? Aside from him getting to have sex with her for arbitrary plot reasons I mean.
Like, at least this one promises wacky Kindergarten Cop esque shenanigans where he's trying to convince her that he's an ordinary guy and not some SEAL *rays of light from heaven*
*checks Amazon*
Oh fuck its free, I'm going to have to dive into this later aren't I?!
And with that, I'm done for the night at a quarter through the list of 130. If anyone has any interest in my romance book ramblings, I'll keep going.
Yeah...WOW...
Well, how are the books themselves? Good fucking lord, where do I start? I guess...my diving into this mess and reading my way through all of them and giving you the highlights.
A SEAL's Seduction (Uniformly Hot SEALs #1) said:Navy SEAL Blake Landon (aka "Boy Scout") knows the rule book inside and out.
Just try him
*throws away the dice tables*But when a mission ends badly, his entire team is ordered on leave. And that's when Blake sees the tall redhead whose dark eyes suggest that the rules-especially those in bed-are made to be broken.
Scientist Alexia Lane has sex on the brain-partly for work, but mostly because she needs a man who makes her girly parts do the happy dance.
Did he start writing a tell all book about it halfway through? Did he wheel a bell into the bedroom and tell you to ring it if its too much for you?Her only no-no? No military dudes. But Blake's rockin' bod promises delicious pleasures, and Alexia is halfway to sexual Nirvana before she can find out he's actually a Navy SEAL.
That's the Marines.
Christ, next.
I live near Portland, quaint bookstores are my bread and butter!Conjuring Darkness (Darkness #1) said:25 year old Lexi Salenko is an independent and focused young woman who has realized her dream of moving to the open country of Montana and starting up a quaint bookstore
Oh yeah, nothing gets me hot like the Holocaust.Romance and adventure have always remained within the covers of her cherished novels until one day she receives a mysterious letter from her archaeologist sister. The letter was sent from Israel and was badly damaged, but Lexi understands enough of it that her sister may be in trouble.
Lexi follows the cryptic instructions sent to her and finds herself propelled on an odyssey across three continents with a very sexy former Navy SEAL turned mercenary and a mysterious ancient relic with ties to an ancient cult. She learns about a supernatural force that stretches from the ancient ruins at Gobleki Tepe Turkey through the death camps of the Holocaust and into her present life. Along the way she learns that sometimes you have to let yourself fall in love and believe in the power of hope
Next book, please.
Do all your books start this way?A SEAL's Surrender (Uniformly Hot SEALs #2) said:
"I'm so rich and attractive, cry for meLieutenant Commander Cade Sullivan is the job. His commitment to the Navy SEALs is absolute-almost. Worse still, he's been summoned home, where his privileged family is the town royality and women vie to be one of Cade's conquests.
Sex. You mean sex. You're trading sex.Ever since they were kids, Cade has been rescuing Eden Gillespie. Now she's decided she owes him one heck of a thank-you-one that involves a bed, naked bodies and sweet satisfaction.
Where do you even live that this is a thing? When do you live?! Since this book was written in 2013 and like, oh no a single woman had sex with an eligible bachelor. Better sew a red letter on her.But when their sexy trysts are discovered, Eden becomes a bit of a town sensation-and not in a good way. Can she convince her SEAL to risk one last rescue operation?
Fuck off.
Code Name Ghost (A Warrior's Challenge #1) said:Kayla is intent on leaving her past north of the border. Hired as a Canadian liaison by the US Navy, she finds the Coronado SEALs tough but amiable. Their Commander is another matter. With eyes like blue steel and a body carved from it, Kayla resists the hungry attraction between them for good reason.
Ok, you have to see the cover of this book:
Lets leave aside the fact that the marketing guys try so hard to cram in faux military jargon so poorly, I could make jokes about the SEALs being the bottom (She infiltrated his base), that is an incrediby weird cover. Apparently he fell asleep in the sun under a maple leaf cutout and has an incredibly bad sunburn (and look how much it obviously hurts) that the dude is going to get teased about constantly. There will be six bottles of maple syrup in his locker by the end of the day.
Navy SEAL Commander Thane Austen (Ghost) treats his women like his missions: in, out and gone.
[Roll a will check to avoid making a pegging joke. ]. Returning from deployment to find Kayla is his new tactical specialist poses a challenge, one he's never faced. When the defiant beauty with haunted eyes becomes a serial killer's target, the Commander has the excuse he needs to close ranks around her.
About that:. Fear is a word unknown to the legendary SEAL until he realizes love can be as dangerous to a warrior as combat. Convincing Kayla to surrender to him and catching a killer is a mission he won't fail.
Either he failed or this woman is in a high sequel number horror movie franchise.Code Name: Kayla's Fire (A Warrior's Challenge #2) said:Kayla stands in the eye of a hurricane. Past and present are on a collision course, and her tactical experience won't save her. She's the target on a serial killer's radar. The media brews a storm of confusion, pointing at the warriors stationed at Coronado. To catch the killer, she has to relinquish hope, and the Navy SEAL protecting her.
"Thank god you caught the Tim Horton's Throttler but I just got a threatening letter from the Molson Mauler!"
Navy SEAL Thane (Ghost) Austen is forced to choose between Kayla and his duty. If he deploys, she'll die. If she returns to Canada, he'll lose the woman who cracked his armor, and exposed his heart.
I'll take bad 80s lyrics for a thousand Alec.Her abusive past is holding her hostage. There's two battles to be won: to light Kayla's Fire and extinguish the Shark's. Life broke them both in half, but together they're whole, and he'll walk through hell to keep her.
White.The conclusion to Ghost and Snow White's fight to survive in, "A Warriors Challenge" series. (less)
I'm sorry, is this a romance book or a typical SEAL autobiography?Crazy said:Before there were bikers, or fighters, or even good old-fashioned jerks, there were Navy SEALs. They put the bad in badass because, well…it's their job.
Navy SEAL Maverick Hart has everything. Women want him. Grown men idolize him. Little boys want to grow up and be like him. The job, the glory—it's all his. Not because it's handed to him…because he works hard for it. The second his sights lock on something, he owns it—or destroys it. Unfortunately he does both at the same time.
(Which are love letters to themselves)
"We've been together two weeks and he's going to sea tomorrow but promises he'll be faithful!"Windsor Forbes only takes calculated risks in her profession and in her personal life. After being left at the altar by the only person she's ever loved, the very last thing she's looking for is a relationship—especially the insane brand an arrogant Navy SEAL is offering. Hesitant, yet trusting to a fault, she gives in.
She knew she shouldn't take the chance, especially a second time, but love is irrational and their love is perfect, infallible. Or so she thought…
The fuck is this nonsense? What's the plot of your book?! I've seen back covers to Tom Clancy books that give you more of the plot of the book than this and they're just pictures of Tom Clancy.The downfall to having everything is you have that much more to lose. A man like Maverick can't have it all without something slipping out of grasp.
Crazy people perish for love.
Good people live for it.
This is the title of my MLP/Black Lagoon crossover you thieving bitch
Blew his genitals clean off.Code Name: Nina's Choice (A Warrior's Challenge #3) said:Nina Samson, an analyst working at Coronado Base Command, lands in Navy sniper Mace Callahan's lap like an I.E.D.
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, I WAS JOKING BEFORE!Mace returns home angry. Believing his injury destroys their future, unable to pleasure any woman, especially one like Nina, he tries to sever their relationship.
Bonus, this line from a review on the page:
What do Navy Seal quals entail?!Mace has a lot of Challenges to face: he was injured in Syria,in the most devastating place a man can be hurt. His recovery is not progressing as he would like. Physically, he need to re-qualify for the teams.
Oh yeah, Navy SEALs are loath to tell anyone about what they do.Amalfi Affair (Navy SEALs of Valor 1) said:On a cycling tour through the Swiss Alps, CIA agent, Olivia Simpson, meets handsome Navy SEAL, Darryl Jennings. Her lust shifts into overdrive for this man on leave from missions he won't discuss. A one night stands leads to a blissful week traveling the Amalfi Coast. Because of their secretive careers, their love affair is destined to end
*nods*
You know what? New drinking game: Take a drink every time someone goes on leave.Czech Mate (Navy SEALs of Valor 2) said:When Nathan is ordered to take medical leave, he decides to meet up with his best friend and SEAL teammate Darryl, and his new love, Olivia, in Prague. But only if he can persuade Baylee to join him.
Prince Joe (Tall said:Veronica St. John is facing the challenge of a lifetime. The media consultant has two days to teach a rugged Navy SEAL to impersonate a European prince who has been targeted by terrorists. It's a tough assignment, but Veronica is sure she's up to the task -- until she actually meets Joe.
This is just a gender flip retread of Miss Congeniality isn't it?Despite his physical resemblance to the handsome prince, Lieutenant Joe Catalanofto is nothing like the stuffy aristocrat. Everything about the combat-hardened Navy SEAL -- from the arrogant gleam in his eyes and streetwise attitude to the New York accent -- says regular guy, not royalty.
One conversation and Veronica knows nothing could turn this military man into nobility. Joe, on the other hand, is confident he's got what it takes to complete his duty.
But neither of them expects their assignment to include falling in love . . .
Woah hold up. If a dude makes sure you get left behind on a mission, pretty sure he's not a rival there book. He's a traitorous dickhead.A SEAL's Fantasy (Uniformly Hot SEALs #5) said:Dominic Castillo loves his SEAL team like brothers—except one, who made sure Castillo was left behind during the latest mission. But when his rival is kidnapped by a vicious drug lord, Castillo receives a black ops mission of his own: protect his rival's sister.
Also why are they protecting his sister? Aside from him getting to have sex with her for arbitrary plot reasons I mean.
I am 18 books through this list and I can't help but notice all these assholes have names like this.Out of Control (Troubleshooters #4) said:Savannah von Hopf has no choice. To save her uncle's life, she goes in search of Ken "WildCard" Karmody, a guy she barely knew in college who is now a military operative.
Mace him. Mace him in the eyes.She must convince him to help her deliver a cache of ransom money into the hands of terrorists halfway around the world. What she doesn't expect is to end up in WildCard's arms before she can even ask for his help.
WildCard has always had a soft spot for beautiful women. But when he discovers Savannah's hidden agenda, he is determined to end the affair. But Savannah is bound for Indonesia with or without his protection, and he can't just walk away. When her plan goes horribly wrong, they are trapped in the forsaken jungle of a hostile country, stalked by a lethal enemy.
Ugh, these names and nicknames.Everyday said:When Melody needed someone to rescue her, she knew that navy SEAL Harlan "Cowboy" Jones was just the man for the job.
#ShitICannotTakeSeriouslyBut afterward, when things got more intimate, she had to write it off to an adrenaline rush. After all, she was looking for an ordinary guy---and Cowboy was anything but. Too bad their encounter left Melody with more than just memories...
Then Cowboy paid Melody a surprise visit and saw her burgeoning belly. That did it---he had to convince her that they were meant to be together!
Like, at least this one promises wacky Kindergarten Cop esque shenanigans where he's trying to convince her that he's an ordinary guy and not some SEAL *rays of light from heaven*
Come again?Forged in Fire (Red-Hot SEALs #1) said:Beth Brown doesn't believe in premonitions until she dreams a sexy stranger is gunned down during the brutal hijacking of a commercial airliner. When events in her dream start coming true, she heads to the flight's departure gate. To her shock, she recognizes the man she'd watched die the night before.
....Lieutenant Commander Zane Winters comes from a bloodline of elite warriors with psychic abilities.
....
*checks Amazon*
Oh fuck its free, I'm going to have to dive into this later aren't I?!
Why is every woman a scientist? Why do they always have to jam them into Wacky Scenarios and why does the last line sound like this dude has a heart condition and an erection lasting longer than 4 hours?The Admiral's Bride (Tall said:HIS MISSION...
...was to pretend that Zoe Lange, beautiful young scientist--nearly half his age!--was his new bride. Former Navy SEAL Jake Robinson was sure that his romantic years were behind him, but for God and for country he would look into Zoe's beautiful dark eyes, kiss her senseless, hold her as if he would never let her go...and then, when the job was done, do just that.
The only problem was, with each hour in Zoe's company, the stakes were becoming higher. The game more real. And the dangers within their "honeymoon" chamber more and more apparent...
It took you three?Born Wild (Black Knights Inc. #5) said:She's got three rules:
1. Trust no one… Eve Edens has been abandoned, used, or manipulated by almost everyone she's ever met. Born into ridiculous wealth, she's dealt with the petty jealousies and sordid little resentments for nearly thirty years. But after three botched attempts on her life, she can no longer ignore the truth. Someone wants her dead.
I like how I've been conditioned by 33 book jackets to the point I was worried this was an incest book.Eye of the Storm (Security Specialists International #1) said:Keely Walsh has three doctorates, five older brothers and has never met a situation she couldn't handle. While consulting with the NSA, she discovers sensitive government information indicating her brother, a private security operative, is in danger.
"Oh my god, a woman was right about something?!"Ren Maddox, co-owner of Security Specialists International, a security firm that works for large corporations and governments, is on an intelligence-gathering mission for the US government when a petite strawberry blonde armed with a Bren Ten and an attitude ten feet tall pops out of the Argentine jungle with a warning of imminent danger. The fact she is one hundred percent correct shocks him to his socks
And with that, I'm done for the night at a quarter through the list of 130. If anyone has any interest in my romance book ramblings, I'll keep going.
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