Once upon a time, Shade dropped in on
A&T to provide some Dark Omake. I was compelled to write a WAFF response, and talked about doing the same in reverse with him here. I let myself forget about that for a while, but then a scene idea wouldn't leave me alone, so when a break in chapters in
A&T came up, it seemed like the time had come for some sadness here. (And maybe it will get Shade back to writing this!
)
Time Cannot Erase
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The glass of the tumblers clinked gently as Asuka set them down on the polished stone surface. She put the bottle of Shinji's favorite whiskey next to the two glasses. Well, in fairness, it was more
her favorite whiskey, but he'd grown to at least tolerate it when they drank together, until it was more or less 'their drink' they had together, which suited Asuka just fine.
"Well, this isn't the best weather for us to sit and drink together, my love," Asuka said musingly, looking up at the threatening gray clouds overhead, "but I suppose we can't have everything." She sighed. "It's nice to sit down after a long day and talk to you anyhow." She dropped a couple of ice cubes into each tumbler and poured three fingers of whiskey into each.
She sipped half of hers in the first toast. "Ahhh... sweet little burn. See why I like this one, Shinji? 'Smooth, but firey inside, and a nice little kick at the end', isn't that what you said about it once? Then blushed so amusingly when I asked if you meant the whiskey or me?" She laughed, and refilled her drink.
The conversation went on for a while. Asuka told him about her day, warmth and relaxed intimacy at being with her husband filling every word. Shinji didn't say anything. Asuka was used to this, and wasn't upset by it.
The whiskey in the bottle had dipped towards half-empty before anything interrupted.
"This is not healthy, Soryu."
Asuka's hand tightened around her glass until her hand shook and her knuckles were white. "How about you fuck right off, First? I'm having a nice quiet drink with
my husband. You were not invited."
"Soryu, you should not be-"
"
Shut UP, First! I don't want to hear you or your snotty little-"
"He's been dead for over 200 years, Asuka..." Rei said gently.
The only sound in the graveyard was the distant rustle of dead leaves flung around by the wind.
Slowly, Asuka carefully put the now empty tumbler down beside it's mate on the gravestone. She left the half-empty bottle there, along with the untouched second drink she had poured at the beginning. She brushed a couple of leaves off the polished black marble of the gravestone that read
Shinji Ikari Soryu, 2001-2028, Beloved Husband & Hero of Tokyo-3. She stood up smoothly, no sign in her motion or face that she'd drunk half a bottle of whiskey on an empty stomach, in a body that was forever not even 16.
She gave Ayanami a tired, hate-filled glare. "Go fuck yourself, First. Didn't you have anything
better you could do than come harass me? Today, of all days? Our fucking
anniversary? You couldn't leave me even that?" she said tiredly. She pulled her long, dark trenchcoat around her thin form a little tighter. The rising wind whipped her long red hair around her face, obscuring her features.
Rei just stared back at her, a bleak expression on her pale face. The wind ruffled the fur collar of her dark brown leather bomber jacket. She shook her head sadly. "I am aware of what day it is, Soryu. That is in fact why I came. I knew you would be here, doing something like this. I w-"
"I don't
care if you think 'this isn't healthy'!" Asuka snarled at her. She balled her hands into fists that shook at her sides. "One hundred days! One hundred
fucking days! That's all we had together! One hundred days from the happiest day of our lives until I was a
God damned widow!" Asuka dropped to her knees for a second to pick up a small stone. She rose again to fling it at Rei, striking her in the chest. "How dare you tell me I can't spend a little time talking to my husband,
like I should be doing right now! Like I should have been able to do every day for the last 223 years!" Tears slicked her cheeks now.
Rei didn't react to the stone. "I'm sorry."
"Like Hell you are! He chose
me! Me! He said yes and married me and we were
happy and then that
fucking Angel came..." Asuka stopped, swallowing hard.
"You think I would ever forget, Soryu?" Rei replied quietly. "He died saving us both. And yes, I was envious. I loved him too. But he chose you, and all of NERV could see how happy you both were."
"So why are you
here, First? Is your only happiness seeing how miserable I am without him? If you are just here to play ficken Ghul, you can piss right off and leave me alone with him."
"Because I know he would not want you to do what I know you are here to do. Because I know what you have in your pocket," Rei said without inflection.
Asuka's shoulders slumped. "You fucking busybody," she said tiredly. "You can't even let me have that?"
"Soryu-"
"It never fucking
stops hurting, First. Never. Not for one goddam second in 223 years. He said yes, he loved me, and we had eternity together ahead of us. I even promised him I'd stop being a bitch to you and be good, since we all had years on years ahead with each other." She put her hand on the top of the headstone and leaned heavily against it. "I'm just so damn tired..."
"You are not alone, Soryu. Myself, the others at NERV-" Rei began.
"What 'others', First?! Shinji's dead! Misato's dead! Gendo and Ritsuko and everyone we fought with are dead! Their
kids are all dead! Their
grandkids are all dead! There is no one left in this world but you and me that remember his face or his voice or anyone else back then. Just you and me, the immortal ghosts at the feast, forever reminding people that see us that a secret cabal of lunatics once tried to play god! And I am sick and tired of it!"
Thunder grumbled in the distance and the wind kicked up another notch. "I know you doing this would make him sad, Soryu. Please do not."
Asuka looked away from her, at the approaching storm. "You're just afraid of being truly alone. And I just want to see my husband again." She pulled the small black handgun out of her pocket. She cradled it loosely in her hand, pointing it at the ground beside the grave.
"There has to be another way."
Asuka shook her head slowly. "You don't think I've
tried, First? I spent 24 years getting a PhD and pushing at the edges of physics in the desperate hope I could somehow invent a
time machine, in the hope I could go back and save him."
"A time machine?" Rei said, raising an eyebrow.
Asuka frowned at her. "I told you, I tried everything. It even worked. It was just useless."
"What?"
She looked back at the storm. "I ended up building two, actually. The first one can't go any further back in time than the moment it was completed, so it's kind of useless unless I really wanted to revisit spring of 2147 again. Which I don't. And the second one... all the math works, but there's the slight problem that the wormhole isn't stable unless I can channel at least five percent of the
Sun's annual output worth of energy into it, so fat lot of good that is." Asuka looked back at Rei. "So yes, First, I looked for other ways. While you were sitting on your ass. So unless you've got a working time machine of your own in your back pocket or something, I'm again going to kindly ask you to fuck off and let me take the only way out our stupid, ageless bodies will allow me."
"I am not here to stop you because I fear being alone, Soryu."
"So why, then? It can't be because we're such close friends," Asuka said bitterly. "Get to the point. My husband is waiting for me, and I've missed him for too long."
Rei cocked her head. "Do you think I've been idle? I told you, I loved him too. He may have chosen you, but I would... I want to see him again too."
Asuka glowered at her. "What, you've
got a working time machine in your back pocket?"
When Rei did not say anything after a moment, Asuka's frown deepened. She raised the pistol and aimed at Rei. "I swear to fucking Gott, First, if you are fucking with me I
will shoot you first. This is
not a topic to jerk me around on."
Rei didn't even flinch. If anything, the look she gave Asuka was almost annoyed. "Come on, Soryu. Have you forgotten I am more than I appear? As if mere bullets can threaten me?" A momentary flicker of a transparent orange octagon flashed in between them.
"Get to the damn point, bitch." Asuka still lowered the gun.
"I have been... exploring what my greater body can do. I have told no one, not even the R&D staff at NERV or the caretakers that are even permitted near Lilith's chamber. But... there are certain... facets of quantum mechanics that AT-Fields at high strength can affect. I have... achieved repeatable, stable feeds of unprecedented levels of negative energy and reverse causality. I have made only limited progress, but if you truly have a fully mathematically worked out wormhole process..."
"I do."
"Then we may have something worth exploring."
Asuka did not look very convinced. "What's the point? My research on the first time machine kind of confirmed that the past is an unalterable quantum monoblock. Unless we create a stable time loop, there's no point. And you and I both
remember him dying. I held his body!"
"The systems once employed to record my mind and copy it for the Dummy Plugs and my clones have advanced considerably since those versions. A portable, rapid model is available for emergency medical use on the dying. We have Shinji's DNA still on record. And as Lilith, I can salvage and hold his soul. If your wormhole work combines with my negative energy studies effectively, we may be able to... save enough of him to resurrect him here on our return. We just stay unobserved and the past is as we remember it. We will still have the past two centuries of pain to withstand, but..."
"We'd have him back. Mind, body, and soul. My Shinji," Asuka breathed. She clamped her eyes shut, but a steady flow of tears escaped anyway. "I swear on
his grave, First, if you are lying to me one bit, I will kill you slowly."
"Have I lied to you even once since his death?"
"No. Which is why you're not bleeding from a dozen gunshot wounds already." Asuka put the gun away back in her pocket. "Alright, I'm in. There is nothing I won't try to be able to see him again... Rei."
Rei smiled very faintly. "Nor I. You are not the only one who misses him. You never have been."
Asuka lovingly brushed her hand across the tombstone one more time, then walked towards Rei. "He's still mine," she said, walking past the blue-haired clone.
Rei fell in step next to her. "I stop you from putting a bullet through your head, offer you a chance at saving him, and you still say I can't even lay a finger on him?"
Asuka snorted. "Rei, if this works, I'll even let you have a full damn night with him. But he's still my one and only husband, and I'm keeping him. Now let's go break spacetime and save him."
"It will not be that simple. This could take years to get the process to work," Rei cautioned.
"All we've got is time, Blue. I don't care if this takes decades if it means I'll get to feel him in my arms again at the end."
"Then let us begin."
Thunder grumbled again as the two ageless ex-Pilots walked out of the graveyard overlooking the city of Tokyo-3 and the valley lake below. It was softer now. The storm had diverted east, and rain no longer threatened.
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Well... that got a little longer than I expected. Not bad for 4 hours.
I poked him on Discord to write more IAP. Worked!
