After getting bored after writing a Harry Potter SI that almost didn't have any magical power, I...
I am invincible. (HP/SI/ Crack/ One-Shot)
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After getting bored after writing a Harry Potter SI that almost didn't have any magical power, I decided to do the opposite.
I Am Invincible. - a overpowered godlike Harry Potter Self-Insert cracky power-wank one-shot.
You were warned.
------------------------------------------------------------
I woke up in a moving train. The problem with it is that wasn't where I went to sleep last night.
I could also see things. Lights spiraling around me. The sillouete of people moving around me in the train.
I could feel some type of energy flowing.
Someone drugged me. Thats the only rational explanation my mind supplied me with.
"It's magic", another, more powerfull voice answered from everywhere inside me.
I can see the flow of magic, feel the ebbing of the magical ether coursing thru my body.
But I still don't know where I am.
Even before the thougth formed inside my mind, somehow I knew the answer was already there:
I'm in the Hogwarts Express, going to Hogwarts!!! Holy shit, Magic is real.
Or I am really high right now, can't be really sure.
Ok, let's try something.
LUMOS!
And there was light! Everything was light around me, and I started to hear screams, people saying they were blind!
Ok, what is the opposite of lumos again?
Ok, NOX. Dawn, I wish they just forgot about it.
The light disappeared, And all I could see was the flux of magic going around in the air. People were quiet again.
This is so cool!
I need to concentrate, Now I want a Ice cream. And then the Ice cream was there.
I spent the next minutes playing with my phenomenal cosmic powers, until a little girl opened the compartment I was into.
"Did you see a toad? A boy named Neville lost his pet toad Trevor."
HOLY SHIT!!!!
It's Emma Watson!!
Wait.If I'm in the train going to Hogwarts, then this is Hermione!!!!!!
Ok, I thougth, time to impress Emma Watson, I mean, Hermione.
Well, the answer is obvious; "Accio Trevor!" Then the toad came flying towards me.
As I really don't want to touch a toad, I somehow created a glass cage for it.
"Here it is" I said with all my newfound awesomeness.
"Wow, that was advanced wandless magic!" She gushed, "It says in 'Hogwarts a History' that only very powerfull wizards like dumbledore can use wandless magic!"
"Well", I answered, " I just can do it, you know?"
"Can you teach me?" She asked
"Well..."
And then we started in a very intellectual conversation in which we discussed the nature of the universe and the ether of energies lining it and some more things that would be too boring for normal people to read about, so I won't write it here.
In the end, Emma Watson, I mean Hermione, and I became friends and I convinced her to go to Ravenclaw with me, as she should have gone since the start.
Once I was in the castle I decided to explore a little.
At this point my super awesome magical powers, were at a level were nothing in the world could stop me anymore.
First I Have gone to the Room of Requirements and got a certain tiara and ripped the piece of soul stuck inside it. The tiara got me a very good intelligence boost.
Then I used it to track the rest of those pesky little soul pieces. I went to the Malfoy Manor, killed everyone there and got the diary. I then disposed of the majority of the Death Eaters while I was still on it.
While I got the hufflepuff cup, I then killed all the goblins in Gringotts, and stole all the gold there. And then killed all of the rest goblins in the world, because, really, goblins are pests that need to be exterminated.
The Slitherin neccklace was easy, I just torched Grimmauld place with a very strong fire, that destroyed everything in it.
The Gaunt Ring was easy to get, I even got a super cool stone out of the deal.
I couldn't detect the snake, so Voldebitch didn't make it yet.
I then delicately removed the piece of Voldie soul that was in Harry Potter.It was easy.
Then I finally Killed that Bastard Quirrelmort once and for all. And no one will know about it.
After that I then got the cloak and the wand from Dumbledore. That old coot was suffering from senility, not surprising, considering the amount of stupid things he has done lately.
I then got the Philosopher Stone from Dumbledore's Office. It was the real deal. Cool.
And then I got rid of Snivellus. Theres no way I'm going to suffer being a student of that bastard.
After that I got rid of more than half of the Ministry of Magic, Including the minister himself, because those creatures don't deserve to live.
Problem is, after removing all those incompetents from existance, and killing the goblins, looting and burning Gringotts, I kind or ruined the economy.
Meh. Just used my Phenomenal cosmic powers to make a donation to every person that was left after The Purge. Capitalized like that on the history books.
I also got rid of the acromantulas in the Forest of Death. The were too dangerous to be near kids.
I then made a secret base inside the Chamber of Secrets, because, well, why not? A pet Basilisk is awesome. I call her medusa.
After that I in a very discrete and untraceable way, found some good teachers for Hogwarts.
Unknow to him, Harry Potter just was going to have a very peacefull life thanks to me. After I got Sirius Black out of Azkaban and killed all the dementors, Harry finally got some family to care for him. He also got married to Ginny Weasley. But, hey, you can't fix bad taste, I suppose. No death eaters, no dark lord, no arrogant little Sliythering bothiring him. I even got him a Nimbus 2000 as a present.
Some things don't change, and that scumbag Ron insulted Emma Watson, I mean ,Hermione. He had a little accident and now is called Ronda and is dating Draco Malfoy. I don't know if I laugh about it or if I vomit.
As I had nothing better to do, I stayed in Hogwarts, with my new friend Emma Watson, I mean, Hermione, and after seven uneventfull school years, where I invested heavily in the stockmarket until becoming a Billionaire and frolicked around without any worries, I then married Emma Watson, I mean, Hermione, and lived happy after ever.
The end.
I Am Invincible. - a overpowered godlike Harry Potter Self-Insert cracky power-wank one-shot.
You were warned.
------------------------------------------------------------
I woke up in a moving train. The problem with it is that wasn't where I went to sleep last night.
I could also see things. Lights spiraling around me. The sillouete of people moving around me in the train.
I could feel some type of energy flowing.
Someone drugged me. Thats the only rational explanation my mind supplied me with.
"It's magic", another, more powerfull voice answered from everywhere inside me.
I can see the flow of magic, feel the ebbing of the magical ether coursing thru my body.
But I still don't know where I am.
Even before the thougth formed inside my mind, somehow I knew the answer was already there:
I'm in the Hogwarts Express, going to Hogwarts!!! Holy shit, Magic is real.
Or I am really high right now, can't be really sure.
Ok, let's try something.
LUMOS!
And there was light! Everything was light around me, and I started to hear screams, people saying they were blind!
Ok, what is the opposite of lumos again?
Ok, NOX. Dawn, I wish they just forgot about it.
The light disappeared, And all I could see was the flux of magic going around in the air. People were quiet again.
This is so cool!
I need to concentrate, Now I want a Ice cream. And then the Ice cream was there.
I spent the next minutes playing with my phenomenal cosmic powers, until a little girl opened the compartment I was into.
"Did you see a toad? A boy named Neville lost his pet toad Trevor."
HOLY SHIT!!!!
It's Emma Watson!!
Wait.If I'm in the train going to Hogwarts, then this is Hermione!!!!!!
Ok, I thougth, time to impress Emma Watson, I mean, Hermione.
Well, the answer is obvious; "Accio Trevor!" Then the toad came flying towards me.
As I really don't want to touch a toad, I somehow created a glass cage for it.
"Here it is" I said with all my newfound awesomeness.
"Wow, that was advanced wandless magic!" She gushed, "It says in 'Hogwarts a History' that only very powerfull wizards like dumbledore can use wandless magic!"
"Well", I answered, " I just can do it, you know?"
"Can you teach me?" She asked
"Well..."
And then we started in a very intellectual conversation in which we discussed the nature of the universe and the ether of energies lining it and some more things that would be too boring for normal people to read about, so I won't write it here.
In the end, Emma Watson, I mean Hermione, and I became friends and I convinced her to go to Ravenclaw with me, as she should have gone since the start.
Once I was in the castle I decided to explore a little.
At this point my super awesome magical powers, were at a level were nothing in the world could stop me anymore.
First I Have gone to the Room of Requirements and got a certain tiara and ripped the piece of soul stuck inside it. The tiara got me a very good intelligence boost.
Then I used it to track the rest of those pesky little soul pieces. I went to the Malfoy Manor, killed everyone there and got the diary. I then disposed of the majority of the Death Eaters while I was still on it.
While I got the hufflepuff cup, I then killed all the goblins in Gringotts, and stole all the gold there. And then killed all of the rest goblins in the world, because, really, goblins are pests that need to be exterminated.
The Slitherin neccklace was easy, I just torched Grimmauld place with a very strong fire, that destroyed everything in it.
The Gaunt Ring was easy to get, I even got a super cool stone out of the deal.
I couldn't detect the snake, so Voldebitch didn't make it yet.
I then delicately removed the piece of Voldie soul that was in Harry Potter.It was easy.
Then I finally Killed that Bastard Quirrelmort once and for all. And no one will know about it.
After that I then got the cloak and the wand from Dumbledore. That old coot was suffering from senility, not surprising, considering the amount of stupid things he has done lately.
I then got the Philosopher Stone from Dumbledore's Office. It was the real deal. Cool.
And then I got rid of Snivellus. Theres no way I'm going to suffer being a student of that bastard.
After that I got rid of more than half of the Ministry of Magic, Including the minister himself, because those creatures don't deserve to live.
Problem is, after removing all those incompetents from existance, and killing the goblins, looting and burning Gringotts, I kind or ruined the economy.
Meh. Just used my Phenomenal cosmic powers to make a donation to every person that was left after The Purge. Capitalized like that on the history books.
I also got rid of the acromantulas in the Forest of Death. The were too dangerous to be near kids.
I then made a secret base inside the Chamber of Secrets, because, well, why not? A pet Basilisk is awesome. I call her medusa.
After that I in a very discrete and untraceable way, found some good teachers for Hogwarts.
Unknow to him, Harry Potter just was going to have a very peacefull life thanks to me. After I got Sirius Black out of Azkaban and killed all the dementors, Harry finally got some family to care for him. He also got married to Ginny Weasley. But, hey, you can't fix bad taste, I suppose. No death eaters, no dark lord, no arrogant little Sliythering bothiring him. I even got him a Nimbus 2000 as a present.
Some things don't change, and that scumbag Ron insulted Emma Watson, I mean ,Hermione. He had a little accident and now is called Ronda and is dating Draco Malfoy. I don't know if I laugh about it or if I vomit.
As I had nothing better to do, I stayed in Hogwarts, with my new friend Emma Watson, I mean, Hermione, and after seven uneventfull school years, where I invested heavily in the stockmarket until becoming a Billionaire and frolicked around without any worries, I then married Emma Watson, I mean, Hermione, and lived happy after ever.
The end.
- Location
- US
Why is the answer never "I just lit him on fire, poof all fixed"? I kind of like Dumbledore's solution, kill the last horcrux, it's elegant like that.
- Location
- My room 70% of the time
Because if you have Phenomenal Cosmic Powers, killing poor Harry is a very evil thing to do. Its not like he is a terrorist, or a chld abuser. On the contrary, the terrorists want to kill him, and he was an abused child. It maybe not as bad as some fanfictions claim it was, but there are a lot of psychologists that have the opinion that based on the little we saw on the books, Harry Potter was at least a neglected child. It could have been much, much worse, of course, but he still was abused. Neglect IS abuse.
Add the fact that killing Harry Potter, the guy who names that particular multiverse cluster may deestabilyze the universe and cause entropic cascade failure.
Or something like that.
Of course, if you don't have Phenomenal Cosmic Powers, and somehow still managed to get rid of all horcruxes. Putting Harry Potter on fire still is evil. You should do it as painlessly as possible. But no Killing curses. You know what happens when you shoot a killing curse at Harry Potter.
Also it is a crack, it doesn't have to make sense.
And in the end it doesn't matter.
The SI marries Emma Watson, I mean, Hermione, and is happy forever.
And THAT, is what matters.
(Insert Evil Laugh Here)
Last edited:
- Location
- norway
plus the whole phrophecy thing, he'll probably just use accidental magic to gain permanent immunity to whatever you're using, and suqntum time travel shenanigans