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How to write the best Naruto X DBZ crossover ever?

Write a story about Naruto, Krillin, Yamcha, Rock Lee, Bulma, Sakura and Yajirobe going on an adventure to gather the Dragonballs to wish Sasuke's angst away, only to have Jiraiya and Master Roshi ruin it in the end by wishing for a porn magazine instead.
 
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Iron Roby said:
Write a story about Naruto, Krillin, Yamcha, Rock Lee, Bulma, Sakura and Yajirobe going on an adventure to gather the Dragonballs to wish Sasuke's angst away, only to have Jiraiya and Master Roshi ruin it in the end by wishing for a porn magazine instead.
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Wow! Great idea! Will note that down. Idea being currently considered
 
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As in literally don't bother. DBZ is not that good of a narrative to write in because of the god modding of Goku, always needing a bigger gun, and the suspense-killing-deus ex machina of the dragon balls and no repercussions for their wishes(as in DB GT, wishing on the Dragon Balls do have negative consequences)
 
First off, I'd say that using both the Japanese and English names, and in bold, is distracting. You should pick English or Japanese, and stick with it. The people reading a Naruto and DBZ cross are probably familiar with the names from both series.

Also, the big FLASHBACK and FLASHBACK END are unnecessary. You could probably just put the lines Naruto is remembering in italics and be done with it, since those are both pretty memorable lines in canon. The readers should recognize them without slamming it into their faces.

You should only have one person speaking per paragraph. I noticed you missed that a couple times. Even when it's one character thinking and another speaking, it's just smoother to split the paragraph.

This is more of a style thing, but replacing the word God with Kami doesn't really work. A lot of Naruto fanfics do have it that way, though.

And on the story, it really just seems to be leading up to a stomp. DBZ and Naruto really don't scale well. If it was just Dragonball, it might work, but by the time of DBZ Goku is just too powerful, especially once you get into SSJ territory.
 
Loveland said:
First off, I'd say that using both the Japanese and English names, and in bold, is distracting. You should pick English or Japanese, and stick with it. The people reading a Naruto and DBZ cross are probably familiar with the names from both series.

Also, the big FLASHBACK and FLASHBACK END are unnecessary. You could probably just put the lines Naruto is remembering in italics and be done with it, since those are both pretty memorable lines in canon. The readers should recognize them without slamming it into their faces.

You should only have one person speaking per paragraph. I noticed you missed that a couple times. Even when it's one character thinking and another speaking, it's just smoother to split the paragraph.

This is more of a style thing, but replacing the word God with Kami doesn't really work. A lot of Naruto fanfics do have it that way, though.

And on the story, it really just seems to be leading up to a stomp. DBZ and Naruto really don't scale well. If it was just Dragonball, it might work, but by the time of DBZ Goku is just too powerful, especially once you get into SSJ territory.
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Thanks for the tips/advice. As for how Naruto will be able to cope up with Goku, I have plans for that
 
Go way AU fusion style on it.

Goku's not a world busting power freak from an alien species...He's a powerful ninja from an established clan with a bloodline limit. In his maturity he'd be on Kage level, but he's dumb. In his clan he'd be hands down highly valuable breeding stock...except for the fact that he's third class--his particular strain has heart defects and he won't live past thirty.

EDIT: Vegeta is an elite, main house, strong chakra, no health defects. Because of the set up in the AU he and Goku aren't at complete loggerheads, they are more like they are late canon. Outside of another war, Goku's legit the only one so far he's going to be able to fight and have fun with when he's older...and Goku's going to die. So they are friends along the lines in canon, Sourpuss Vegeta.

Fortunately, this other clan from the mountain region is incredibly hardy, and the heiress, a princess, has the total hots for him, and their children might not have the genetic defect while maintaining the bloodline limit.

And then there's that freaky clan no one like who live on the mountain tops. They don't like anyone either. But fuck it, the Kold Clan is incredibly powerful and are the fastest ones for crossing the mountain range.

However, solidarity in the face of outsiders. Please imagine Cooler (in a hood and cloak to hide himself) being jounin sensei to the genin team of itty bitty Goku, Chichi, and Vegeta. And Vegeta having a crush on the Chunin Bulma from back home. Bulma's mom being an Uzumaki.

(Yes, this is something I've been thinking about way too much)
 
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