My name is Kaslin 411. I was spawned aboard the pool ship en route to Earth, and this life is the only one I have ever known. I have been a soldier (or, at least a bookkeeper) for the Empire and done my best to be a good yeerk. I keep my head down, obey my superiors, don't volunteer, and never, ever get crazy ideas or delusions of grandeur.
Unfortunately, my personal policy wasn't enough to deter my host, who seemed to be going absolutely mad. Not just the normal kind of mad where they shut down and don't talk to you, but the kind where they're straight up delusional.
« Are you crazy? » I shouted. Well, shouted as best as one can inside a shared brain space. « We could both get killed for that kind of stunt! »
« Better than waiting here to get sent out to die against the bandits, », Sonia said. I could feel the emotion dripping from her words. Fear, anxiety, worry. « Better than waiting to watch you be forced out of me by kandrona starvation. Better than letting them separate us after all our time together. »
Just the thought of it was enough to make one ill. I had seen what happened to other hosts and other yeerks punished that way by the vissers. It was a grim thing, horrifying just to contemplate. I need a moment. I was still in control at the moment, so I nudged us off our path towards Storage A and into one of the restrooms that the hosts needed. Placing the datapad aside, I leaned over the sink and turned the water on. I could feel warm, tingly anxiety flaring in my skin and I needed a moment. We needed a moment. I splashed cool water onto my face, looked up at the mirror. I could remember when Sonia had been a too-pale, gawky teenager. Thankfully, human maturity is much less awkward. Still dark haired, but she had a bit of a tan now (thanks, Sharing outdoor activities), with a narrow face and aquiline nose that had been the source of torment when she'd been younger.
Pretty good for a human though, I thought.
« I don't want to be separated either, » I said after the water had run for twenty or thirty seconds.
« You're the first host I've ever had that treated me like a person. » I had had a hork-bajir once upon a time, so thoroughly broken that it had been like I was alone in that head most of the time. Not a good memory. Before Sonia, I'd had another human, one who had screamed and cried constantly, enough to give me a headache. I had requested reassignment after a month of that, unable to deal with the sheer strength of his emotion.
Then there had been Sonia.
The Empire's line was that humans were stupid stock animals, meant to be subjugated by yeerks. Sonia was anything but stupid, She was intelligent, perceptive, thoughtful and kind. One of the best humans I'd ever met and she seemed happy to have me in her head. Eager, even. Those early days had been the best. It turned out that we synergized quite well together.
I helped her deal with stuff like homework, anxiety, and other bumps in the road that might have otherwise done irreparable damage to her then-adolescent human mind. She in turn conversed with me, offered insight into Earth customs and activities, and kept me company. Not that I'd admit that to any other yeerk. I had come to realize that a life without her would be worse. Not awful, but… duller. Less interesting.. Besides, if I returned to the pool I would be helpless and at the mercy of the Andalites, assuming we were losing. It could just be panic, right? I picked up the datapad.
« I sense a 'but' coming on, » Sonia said acidly as I turned us back into the busy corridor.
« But if we keep our head down and just keep doing what we're told, we'll be fine. Now that the invasion is out in the open, I'm sure it'll wrap up smoothly. »
« Oh come on, do you really believe that? They blew up the pool! » Sonia snapped. The strength of her voice was disconcerting. She really thought things were going to get bad.
« Every day more yeerks get straight up murdered on Visser One's whim for not anticipating his every desire. And if we go back there, we're going to be right in the line of fire. They'll probably have us out there getting cut up by the resistance! I'm not a coward, but I know a lost cause when I see it, » she insisted. Unconsciously, I could feel our teeth gritting. I paused at the doorway into Storage A. I needed to be able to focus on work and now on this stupid argument.
« Alright, let's say you're right, » I said. « Say we're about to lose. Say we manage to get away with the kandrona generator. Then what? Where do we go? Your parents live closer to the pool than we do and they'd look for us there. What about college? Have you thought all of this through? »
« I don't know! » Sonia said. « We could go anywhere! We could finally just go travel and do whatever we wanted for a bit. Remember how you always talked about seeing redwood trees? Or going to Seattle? We could do that! And fuck college! College won't do me any good if I get shredded by some morphed human resistance fighter! » That wasn't fair of her in the least. We had spent a lot of time chatting idly about places on Earth I wanted her to go see at some point. I never thought we'd actually get to do it though.
« Sonia… » I should say no. Everything inside of me was screaming that this was a bad idea, that we'd get caught, that I'd be executed as a traitor in some awful way. But there was a selfish part of me, a part that had worked long years on a multitude of projects without reward, that said we should go. If we stayed, we'd probably get executed by some Visser or another anyway just for asking the wrong question or not doing our job quite right or just because the Visser needed someone to take out their anger on. Fuck the Empire, fuck the Vissers. Let yourself do something selfish for once, that little voice was saying.
« We're not even packed yet. » My next objection was weaker than before. Foolishly weak. I was letting her convince me, though I should have known better. It was then that I realized I was going to lose. I could have just told her to shut up and been firm with her, but those days I didn't have the heart to do it. I'd grown too close to her. Too soft some yeerks might say. Well, let me be soft then.
« We can stop and get clothes. We can make it work. Now's our chance! » I stopped for a moment to check my datapad against one of the shelves, ticked off something as correct without really looking.
« Okay. » I said. « Okay, fine. Let's do it. Having to be paranoid all the time about your superiors and comrades is terrible anyway. So where's the kandrona? What are we looking at for moving it around? » I started trying to rifle through our memories. If she'd seen it, then I must have seen it too, right?
« That's the best part. It's already mobile. They build it into this camper van thing! » Sonia said. The image of it swam to the top of her mind. « Powered completely by yeerk technology so it doesn't even really need gas. »
« Are you sure it has enough power? »
« Duh,» came the reply. « It's meant for like, temporary field operations and stuff. It'll be fine. Check out the datapad, we can find it that way, right? You're the brains of this outfit, right? You're the 411. » I groaned. She never got tired of that stupid joke. Besides that, how did she pay enough attention to know there was a damn kandrona-mobile but not enough to know how to look through the supply system? But then… that's kind of why I liked her. She somehow knew exactly how to get me to unwind as the saying goes. She was relaxing, I guess.
« So we're going to steal a camper van. This plan just keeps getting better and better. » At least it was already mobile. I keyed up the datapad and started searching for our target.
« Knew you'd agree with me. »
« Mmhm, » I said. « Do we even know how to drive one of those things? »
« It can't be that hard. We can drive a car and you flew bug fighters once. »
« I flew a transport. At least one of us is confident. » I sent her a mental impression of amusement and turned to walk towards the front of storage where the Sharing motor pool was kept. An array of vans, SUVs, and other vehicles used to transport people--and of course, the "camper van" which was actually an RV the size of a small bus. It looked just about like any other from the outside. I stopped in front of it and frowned, circled over to the door and tugged it open to climb inside. Anxiety filtered into my mind, my own and Sonia's.
« Perhaps this was a bad idea, » I said. I wanted to turn around. I was not brave. I have never been brave and to take this generator would be the bravest thing I'd have ever done.
« We just need to keep our head down, » I repeated what I'd said earlier. « We can get through this. If we're lucky, the Andalites and humans will be merciful and I can go back to the pool and spend the rest of my days in obscurity. » I was going to walk us right off the camper and back to work and we would be okay. Everything was going to be fine.
« Let's see how it works, » Sonia said hurriedly, as if to distract me from my anxious thoughts. I rolled my eyes (her eyes) and moved down to the kitchenette.
« Okay, okay… How do you… » I fumbled, then found a switch. The whole facade of a section of cabinets swung away and there, just at waist level, was a shallow basin, a pool in miniature filled with the thick, sludgy stuff. A kandrona emitter swung out from the wall. It would be a simple matter then to turn it on, drop out into the pool and feed.
« Cool! » said Sonia emphatically. There was only room in the pool for a dozen yeerks at most, but this was meant to be a sub-visser's toy, something to keep them sustained when they were perhaps too far from a real pool. It was still a clever bit of kit and I admitted whoever had thought of this disguise. No human would think twice about someone with an obnoxious camper parked in their driveway or heading down the highway to who knew where.
« Yes, it's fascinating. » I pressed the appropriate switch and the face swiveled back into place, leaving just another cabinet where it had been a moment before.
« And if we get caught, all the fancy kandrona won't do me or you any good. We shouldn't.. No, we can't do this. It's too dangerous. » I turned, heading towards the doorway.
« Kaslin, » Sonia said. Our body stopped and a hand reached out without my bidding it to rest against the wall by the door. « Kaslin, this is the only way I know for sure we can stay together, please. »
That was what doomed me, I think. Her heartfelt plea for us to stay together, no matter what came. I have always considered myself selfish and something of a coward, but for whatever reason she managed to inspire me to do something brave. It took a few long moments for me to pull myself together to say anything, but at last I managed something.
« Alright. Fine. » I reached back to touch the dracon beam at the small of my back, then stepped off the RV. We would need the keys. Even if it is was a highly advanced piece of yeerk technology, it was still disguised as a human RV and human RVs require keys. I headed back out of the store space and turned to the small window where a human controller sat, looking bored.
"I need the RV keys," I said and looked at my datapad. Was I really doing this? He arched an eyebrow.
"...Which one is that?"
"Um, vehicle K-1193, that is." The controller looked at me and for a horrid second, I thought that he might report us. Then it leaned over and picked a key and fob off one of the racks behind him and placed it on the counter. I waited expectantly for him to slide it across. He tilted his head to one side. Sighed.
"Do you have a vehicle chit? So I can check you out?"
« Fuck. » Sonia. I said nothing because I was in control of my emotions and was not screaming internally. I had to think fast. If I hesitated too long, he would probably sense something was up and then we'd be in a jam. I straightened and gave a little sigh. Then, I did my best to inject as much arrogance and disdain into my voice as I could. I was in a hurry and this little mote of nothing was in the way of my very important mission for a superior.
"Didn't you hear? Everyone is getting ready to empty the place out. New orders to get back to the main center of operations. Sub-Visser One-hundred-five wanted this one moved as soon as possible because of the damage done by the bandits--the need for kandrona is essential while the pool ship is being brought down. If you're going to slow me down over some bureaucratic nonsense, then I'll have to make sure to include it in my report. What was your name?" Either he would fold, terrified of the consequences of disobeying the sub-visser, or he'd call someone to confirm it because he was trying to be thorough. Fortunately for me, not wanting to be on the sub-visser's bad side won out.
"There's no need for that," he said hurriedly. "If it was a special case you could have just said so!" He slid the key and key fob across to me and gave a hurried nod.
"Just make sure you sign the log," he added a moment later, pointing at the pen and binder that lay open in front of me.
"I know, I've done this before," I said with as much snobbery as I could muster, which was a lot. The truth was, I had never checked a vehicle out of the motor pool or I would have known that I needed a chit. If I had known that, I thought, it would have stopped me from even trying this. Sonia made herself known with a smug mental nudge.
"Thank you," I said, then turned to head back into the warehouse.
"Travel safely, watch out for bandits!" He said helpfully as the door closed behind me. The warehouse now had plenty of others here, hurrying about packing things and tallying supplies so that they could be loaded up for transport as soon as possible. I felt like I was in a sort of daze as I squeezed past a pair of controllers loading up a cart with supplies.
« Oh sweet light of kandrona I did that. I took the key. Sonia, why did I do this? »
« Because waiting around here to get killed sucks. » Sonia said. I hated that she was right. I had gone from just doing my job not even an hour ago to now stealing a highly advanced RV. What was I doing? We were both going to end up dead. I was sure of it. It was too late to turn back now, though. How did that human proverb go? The die is cast? Yeah, that's the relevant one.
With Sonia mentally fist-pumping at the back of her mind, I headed back to the RV and climbed inside. Buckled up. Okay. I turned the key and the vehicle, amazingly, sprang to life. Both hands on the wheel, put it in gear and… here we went. Awkwardly, I managed to back it out of its place in the motor pool without smashing into anything. Sonia made nervous thought-noises once or twice, but we managed to head for the exit without smashing into anything. We moved at a glacial pace, but we were moving!
« We're actually doing this, » Sonia said, disbelieving. « Holy shit, we're doing it. YES! » Her enthusiasm and excitement were bubbling out of her head and directly into mine. If you've never shared someone else's joy in such a direct way, it's almost impossible to describe. It's like a burst of warm, soothing kandrona directly to your soul. I couldn't help it, I laughed along with her. The two of us, laughing inside and out as we steered the clumsy, awful RF towards the exit gate already being opened for other vehicles. We were as good as free--no one would stop us. The controller at the gate just looked up at us, nodded, and waved us through as we joined the end of the convoy.
This couldn't be real. It wasn't real. We'd just deserted from the Yeerk Empire and were getting away with it. We turned out into traffic and I began the usual route back towards Sonia's apartment, which was pretty routine. Except for the fact that I was driving a much larger, clumsier vehicle than I was used to. Sonia was still making giddy little noises as we drove.
« Holy shit. Holy shit. HOLY SHIT! I can't believe you actually did it! »
« You WANTED me to do this! You talked me into it! »
« Yeah, but I didn't think you'd actually do it! »
« Sonia, did you talk me into something you weren't even sure I would do? Why? Why would you do that? » The only response from Sonia was mad giggling for a few moments.
« Sonia? »
« Sorry, sorry! I wanted you to do it! I just… I didn't expect you to go through with it. » An apologetic brush of her mind against mine followed, conveying awe, respect, admiration. « I didn't think either of us would be brave enough. »
« I'm shaking. » I said. « We're both shaking. » I looked down at where my hand gripped the steering wheel, watched it tremble a little. Now that it seemed like we were free and clear, I could feel Sonia's body starting to crash downwards from the anxious adrenalin high. The RV eased to a stop at a red light and I leaned forward against the wheel. I felt exhausted, all of a sudden. Some of that was the chemicals in Sonia's brain. The other part was my own sheer terror.
« What do we do now? » I asked.
« We just need to stop at the apartment, grab a bag and then we'll just… drive somewhere. Wherever we want. We're free, Kaslin! » She said that with the same amount of giddy joy I'd expect from someone who'd just had a yeerk removed from her head, not someone who was on the road with one. But then, Sonia had always wanted me there in a real way. She crraved my company and found my attention welcome. She even liked having me in control at times when her own mind was struggling too much. There were some memories she was too embarrassed for me to look at and I respected her privacy unless we absolutely needed them for our cover, which was rare or never. It was best to work together as partners, we'd discovered, rather than for me to simply pilot her about. It was less exhausting and more fruitful.
« I've never been… free, » I admitted. « Not like this.» I wasn't tied to the pool anymore. Or not to the pool in the way I knew it, teeming with other yeerks who gossiped and chattered and sang together in our own way. It meant I could be free to explore the world with Sonia, at least for a little while. As long as the kandrona lasted, which could be… who knew how long? I hadn't checked the power levels or anything like that. It might be a week. Might be a month or a year. We'd find out, I supposed.
« How long do you think we have before they realize we're gone? » Sonia asked.
« I don't know. A couple of hours, at most. We should make this quick. » I reached back to touch the dracon beam again. Did I have the nerve to shoot at my former comrades if they came for us? I could tell in the moment. Part of me hoped so. The other part desperately hoped I would never have to find out.
« What about your job? And school? » I had asked about this before, sort of. Sonia's response was something that felt a lot like 'okay, mom' before her words actually manifested.
« Boring anyway. » She was laughing in a wild way, overcome with a euphoric giddiness that we had made this a reality. As we pulled into the apartment complex, I had to awkwardly park the RV at the curb, which meant a few minute walk to the apartment--no oversized parking spots here. It was a typical sort of walk-up, stuccoed over and painted with a bland beige color. That's what Sonia thought, anyway. I took the stairs a few at a time, threw open the door and hurried inside. The apartment was kind of a mess. We'd be leaving a lease, but what the hell did I care? Sonia didn't either. For once in her life, she seemed free of anxiety about the future. How gratifying, though I could only say I wished I shared her anxiety-free thinking. In twenty minutes, she had packed a bunch of non-perishable food and other essentials into a pair of cardboard boxes and filled a suitcase with necessary clothes and toiletries. As we carefully made our way down the stairs, one of the neighbors was stepping out of their own apartment. Nice older lady named Abigail. We saw around now and then. Sometimes helped her with errands.
"Sonia," she said, "So nice to see you. Will you be around this Saturday?"
"Sorry," I said with a small smile. "I'm actually going out of town for a few days, so I won't be able to help out."
"Oh, well, that's quite alright dear," she said with a laugh. "You're young, enjoy your trip. Where are you going?"
"Honestly," Sonia said before I could think of something, "I'm not really sure."
By that evening, the cellphone we'd been giving for Sharing purposes was ringing constantly. It was a primitive thing, a brick, really. But it worked and was more convenient to have around then some obvious bit of yeerk technology. The third time in a row the thing was ringing, I finally had enough. Despite Sonia's protestations, I answered the phone as we rumbled down the road.
"Kaslin Four-hundred-eleven, this Sub-Visser One-hundred-five, where are you? Eftil Two-thousand-seventy-three said you checked out a vehicle and left!" I flinched away from the phone, then had to laugh.
"Sub-Visser, sorry I didn't say anything before I left, but…" I hesitated, not sure what to say. "...I couldn't stay, I'm sorry." That was weak. I felt weak.
"You couldn't stay? This is DESERTION! If you're lucky this will just mean being thrown back in the pool. If you turn around from where ever it is you're going right now, maybe I can talk our superiors into showing you some leniency--!" He was yelling into the phone and i had to hold it away from my ear. Sonia was laughing and I had to try my best to block her out for a moment while I focused on what to say next.
"I know, but I can't come back right now," I said. "I--" What to say next?
"Kaslin? Kaslin, did you hang up on me?" He was frantic. Probably because his own head was on the proverbial chopping block for not keeping better track of his subordinates. He'd be fine, though, I was sure.
"I'm not getting killed for this stupid planet," I finally said. "Not by a bunch of stupid human rebels and not by some National Guardsman with an itchy trigger finger and definitely not by a bunch of filshig Andalites!" Without taking the time to think any longer, I cranked down the window and hurled the phone out onto the road. Sonia's laughter increased in volume and I let it take over until I was laughing so hard I was crying, the road illuminated by the headlights blurring while tears ran down our face. It was better than letting my own thoughts in.
--
A couple days later we were winding up the north coast of California. Travel had been a bit weird, considering that California was still in a state of emergency. We had had to stick to country roads and other workarounds, as the National Guard had closed down or were patrolling major highways in between getting to sporadic firefights with yeerk patrols. Fortunately, we'd managed to avoid any entanglement in the conflict so far, which was exactly what both of us wanted.
The RV, we figured out, had enough power to keep the vehicle going and to power the kandrona emitter for about a month, assuming minimal use only when necessary. It seemed like a short time, but who knew where we'd be in a month? We'd make it work, Sonia was confident. We were going to see as much of the redwoods as we could and maybe make it all the way to Seattle. That was the short term goal--where we'd go from there we had no idea. That changed when the news broadcast interrupted the top 40. It had been doing that periodically ever since that explosion down in Southern California that had ripped the heart out of the city our main pool had been in.
"Uh, we're just going to be interrupting the music here for a minute. We have some breaking news coming in right now--the, uh, the government of the United States has announced that the yeerk invasion has been halted and that all Yeerk Empire forces have surrendered unconditionally to the forces of the United States and to other relevant authorities. Andalite spaceships are now in orbit of Earth and… Jesus." A rustling of paper as the announcer tried to make sense of what he'd just been asked to read.
"And at this time, the war has essentially ended. Further, the governor's office says that the State of Emergency declared last week when the yeerk forces attempted to kidnap her has not been lifted at this time and asks that people please be careful and refrain from leaving their homes during curfew hours between 10PM and 6AM. There will be further announcements made later. The president is expected to address the nation sometime in the next hour." I pulled the RV over onto the side of the road. He was still talking, saying something to someone about how unreal it seemed. It felt unreal. Sonia had… well, not exactly been right, but she'd had the right instinct. Everything had collapsed in just a few short days.
« Kaslin? Are you okay? » I felt numb. It was all done. They'd all surrendered. The Andalites were here. I knew I had voluntarily stepped out of the only world I had known, but trying to comprehend the magnitude of the shifts that had happened in the last couple of days felt impossible.
« I don't know, » I said. « I just… I can't believe it's actually over. » There was a numb feeling to it. The Empire had lost and now the humans and the Andalites would be picking up the pieces, of which I was one. Of which Sonia was one.
« The radio is saying Controllers should report to the authorities so that the yeerks can be put into containment. »
« Well, I'm not doing that. »
« No, duh. »
« So, what? We just keep traveling and we pretend to be normal? Like we're not a yeerk and a host just on a last minute joyride while their world ends? » I felt bitter. I sounded bitter. I was bitter. She was going to be able to go back to her normal human life when this was over. My choice was going to be to starve or go back in the pool. At that moment, I think I resented her more than I had resented any other host. She had freedom, with or without me. Alone, I had nothing. All I could feel was a sickening mixture of guilt and grief. It wasn't like me being there would have made a difference, but I could have lied to myself. I could have pretended that I had done my duty instead of letting myself be talked into whatever the hell I was doing. Why hadn't I stayed? My dark thoughts were interrupted by a mental nudge from Sonia.
« Kaslin. Let's enjoy it while it lasts. »
« Sonia, now is not the time. Just--there's nothing left! » I had known when I'd crossed the threshold that this was going to be a last joyride to end all joyrides but this, somehow, was driving the point home with a sickening finality. My choices now were starvation or death. The Andalites would probably just burn the whole planet from orbit to make sure that no yeerks escaped.
« No! This just means we don't have to worry about the yeerks looking for us. And it's not like the government or the Andalites going to be looking for some random RV, right? »
« So what? We just drive around for a while and then wait for me to starve? Is that the plan? » I felt her flinch. Maybe that hadn't been fair but I was hurting. Let her hurt a little too, I thought.
« We can just. Go to Seattle, come back. I dunno. Let's just do something. Together. Even if it's only going to last a month, let's make it count. We have to. » At the end, her voice cracked a little, a soft cry emanating in its wake that she managed to change into a laugh. The laugh didn't fool me, though. We were in the same head, the same mind--she couldn't hide what she was feeling if I wanted to know. There was grief there. Fear, the same as I was feeling. Of course, there was also that maddening human tendency towards optimism. When she sounded like this it reminded me I wasn't alone. No yeerk ever is, truly. All the same, it helped. Here was the last person in the world who probably gave a damn about me. Maybe on the road, I'd have time to think of an alternative.
« Okay, » I said. « But we have to get chicken fried steak at the next diner. I want gravy. » It was a joke, mostly, but I still felt weak and tired saying it. .
« Grossss. Fine. But I get to pick the next place. » Her own 'voice' trembled a little. As I focused on her more seriously there was a flood of emotion. Guilt, uncertainty, anxiety. And through it all a shining line of hope towards… me.
If I were human, I might have cried.
« Let's go. » I turned the RV back onto the road.
We had a month and we needed to make it count.
