Hall Cop: the Life of a Japanese Hall Monitor

[peachesandcream]

Have you ever watched an anime and found yourself thinking "if there is a hell then it's definitely hall monitor duty at that high school?" I certainly have. That's what gave me the idea for a serialized novel about an unfortunate tsukkomi who's found himself in a Japanese high school ripped right out of anime even though he's a mere human being like the rest of us. How will Nakagawa Eita (the unfortunate tsukkomi) survive now that he's transferred to a school that runs on anime physics? Is Eita going to be able to handle the ire of the demon lords, aliens, mad scientists, and other supernatural beings infesting the school? Or will he die because his bones keep getting broken by all of the giant mechas and slapstick comedy? Only time will tell whether or not Eita will be able to survive the Kanagawa Academy for Extraordinary Talent.

 

[peachesandcream]

I started work on the first arc ("The Shounen Life Chose Me") this week and finished the intro yesterday. I'd appreciate it if I could get some feedback since this is my first attempt at professional writing. This segment is supposed to set the stage for Eita transferring to Kanagawa Academy.

Hall Cop Public Copy

August is a controversial month for students. For students like Tanaka Kiyoshi August is a month brimming with possibilities. Since they were still knee deep in festival season Kiyoshi spent his nights fantasizing about possible chance encounters and raised flags. Guys like Nakagawa Eita on the other hand regard August as a month of regret. Eita always found himself wondering during this time of the year if he could have spent his summer break better than he did. Sometimes Eita was cynical enough he pulled out his phone and started crunching the minutes he'd wasted that day idling in front of the TV or rereading old manga. By all accounts Eita and Kiyoshi seemed to be philosophical opposites on the subject of August. When it came to practical reality, however, the two of them were very much in agreement. Both sides of the spectrum were physically anxious to return to school.

Eita couldn't help but sigh as he changed out of his judo clothes for the day. Another precious day had been spent on something tedious. If you'd asked Eita why he'd showed up in the first place if judo practice was so tedious he'd have probably have just shrugged and mumbled something vague like "social obligations." Judging by the way Kiyoshi was fidgeting with the lock on his locker he seemed to share Eita's sentiment. Kiyoshi had already finished changing clothes but he couldn't find the will to lock up and leave. Most of their clubmates had rushed out as soon as practice ended but Eita and Kiyoshi had languished with the other stragglers. The others had probably been frantic because they wanted to finalize their plans for the festival tomorrow night. Kiyoshi and Eita knew they'd be busy though. Kiyoshi's family always needed help with their takoyaki stall and Eita knew his father intended to conscript him tomorrow for community service and oddjobs. Neither of them expected much time to themselves.

"What day is today again?" Kiyoshi suddenly asked.

"August 5th." Eita glanced expectantly at Kiyoshi. Eita had no doubt that Kiyoshi knew what the date was. There could only be one reason Kiyoshi was asking out of the blue what day it is.

"So Ichiro hasn't talked to either of us in a week now." Kiyoshi complained and slammed his locker shut.

"Eight, actually." Eita corrected Kiyoshi.

"It's been eight days since Ichiro started avoiding us." Kiyoshi petulantly slams his locker shut again. The ruckus attracted more than a couple stares from the other stragglers.

"And you're sulking because you hate it when you're not the center of attention?" Eita rolls his eyes and pulls a t-shirt out of his locker.

"Shut up. You can't pretend that Ichiro's cold shoulder doesn't bug you."

"I can and I am, little girl." Eita chokes back a smirk and wriggles into his shirt. "Getting butthurt because someone doesn't answer your texts doesn't solve anything."

"Neither does covering your ears and pretending nothing is wrong. You seem to think the manly thing to do is to play it cool. I, on the other hand, think it's times like this a man must act." Kiyoshi scowls and crosses his arms over his chest. "You and I know what we must do. We need to straight to Ichiro's house and kidnap him. Right now. Then he won't be able to avoid us anymore."

"Kidnapping? That escalated quickly." Eita snorts. "Are you sure you don't want to start with some gateway crimes? Maybe loiter in the park or jaywalk before you jump straight to felony abduction."

"Come on Eita. Join me. You know you want to find out how Ichiro's date went." Kiyoshi ignores Eita's jests.

"Have you ever wondered maybe he's ashamed of you and that's why he won't tell us anything?" Eita pointedly suggests and turns to leave without so much as looking at Kiyoshi. Eita could sense Kiyoshi following him but he refused to look back at his embarrassingly boisterous friend. It would only encourage his behavior. Unfortunately not looking back also encouraged his behavior except now Eita had taken this discussion into the public domain.

"This isn't the time for questions man. Now is the time to act. Let's go. Right now. Let's get some masks and get our home invasion on." Kiyoshi insists right as an old woman passes them by on the sidewalk. Eita could tell by the increased tempo of her footsteps that Kiyoshi had sent her running in the opposite direction…

"The hell? Now you're adding masks to the crime? What next? Are you going to escalate to bringing knives and a car battery if I keep rebuffing you?"

"... I had considered it, yeah. I mean I was only going to threaten to bring a car battery but you never know." Kiyoshi admits, this time while surrounded by impressionable young grade schoolers.

"I never know what you're going to do if neither me nor Ichiro are around." It wasn't a question. It was a statement. There's no point asking questions you already know the answer to. What Eita didn't know the answer to was whether Kiyoshi was just playing around or not. Kiyoshi had pulled some really stupid stunts before but nothing that violent. There's a first time for everything though and Eita knew Kiyoshi was moody today. Hell, Eita was too. It'd honestly be better (and safer) for the both of them if Eita just gave up and said yes. "What a pain… why's it always someone like you who's following me around?" Eita sighs and shakes his head.

"Oh boy I recognize this tone. Did someone just win? I think someone did. Let's put some money down on it. Who won? Was it… THIS GUY?" Kiyoshi shouts and strikes a stupid pose behind Eita's back. "I think it was!"

"I don't know what you're doing back there and I don't care. Come on, let's go to Ichiro's house."

"Come on, man. Look. The look on my face is priceless."

"By priceless do you mean unsellable or just godawful stupid?"

"Look."

"No!"

"Dude just look at my face already."


"Fine!" Eita snarls and spins on his foot. "What's the big damn HOLY SHIT what are you wearing!?" Eita recoils away as soon as he sees the masked lunatic who'd been following behind him this whole time.

"Tadaaaa! I brought this ski mask from home!" Kiyoshi strikes another pose while the flock of grade schoolers continue to take pictures of him (or pose with him).

"You planned to do that from the beginning!?" Eita grabs Kiyoshi by the collar. "Where's the car battery you idiot!?"

---

It was a miracle Eita and Kiyoshi managed to make it to the Nishimura residence without getting stopped by the cops. Eita had tried to get Kiyoshi to take off the mask but Kiyoshi had refused because "trust me this is going to be funny." Eita had enough sense to recognize those as the most dangerous words a friend could ever say but not enough to bail before things got real. It was like watching a trainwreck. Eita just had to see how far off the tracks this locomotive was going to fly today. He'd never seen Ichiro's mom lose her composure before but he wasn't sure how she would react if she answered the door and saw Kiyoshi standing there in a ski mask. Eita had to fight back a grin when he rang the doorbell. It'd be amusing to see Mrs. Nishimura freak out for once.

"Who is it?" Mrs. Nishimura asked as she peered through the eyehole in the door. "Nakagawa is that you?"

"Yes Ma'am." Eita replies chalantly. Could she not see Kiyoshi? Eita knew eyeholes had terrible fields of vision but were they really that bad?

"So that's Kiyoshi behind you then…?" Nope. She can totally see you in all your splendor Kiyoshi and she still didn't even think about calling the cops. How anti-climactic.

"Yup! Home invasion time! Is Ichiro home and can we come in?"

"Yes and yes." Mrs. Nishimura courteously opens the door for the two of them. "He's upstairs in his room. Should I make some tea? Or are you not staying?"

"Nah, we won't be sticking around long. We're about to go to the arcade." Kiyoshi pushes his way past Eita and confidently strides past the mistress of the house without so much as acknowledging the fact he'd waltzed into her house with a ski mask on. Eita moved to follow him but before he could Mrs. Nishimura cleared her throat and stopped him with an outstretched hand.

"Eita… It's not really a home invasion if he asks to come inside, is it?" Mrs. Nishimura purses her lips and puts a finger to her chin. "And why is he wearing a ski mask?"

"No Ma'am it's not and don't worry about it." " Eita forces a smile. "He's the baka of the trio."

"Huh? Did you say something Eita?" Kiyoshi stops at the stairs and turns around.

"Don't worry about it." Mrs. Nishimura beams and waits until Kiyoshi continues up the stairs before she murmurs "My son always wanted to have a 'dumb little brother'..."

"Huh!? What are you guys talking about down there!? Stop talking behind my back!" Kiyoshi demands.

"Well he's certainly got what he asked for then." Eita chuckles.

"You say that but to me it looks less like he found a little brother and more adopted an adolescent child…" Mrs. Nishimura shakes her head in pity. "A teenager at such a young age… such wretched parents you must be."

"Gee, thanks Ma'am." Eita slumps. "I really needed to hear the sort of blunt words only a mother can say today."

"Any time." Mrs. Nishimura radiantly smiles.

"Ichiiiiirrroooooo! Come out come out wherever you are!" came Kiyoshi's voice.

"You better hurry Nakagawa. It sounds like Kiyoshi's about to do something untoward upstairs."

"Ichiiiiirroooo!" Kiyoshi cries again.

"I got it I got it! Your son is in my care." Eita reassures Mrs. Nishimura and glumly follows Kiyoshi's voice up the stairs. Eita half expected Kiyoshi to be battering down the door to Ichiro's room when he rounded the corner. Instead he was greeted by the spectacle of Kiyoshi on the floor pawing at the door like some sort of domesticated animal. "Dude, do you not have any shame? Are you still a child?" Eita flinches from his own words when he remembers what Mrs. Nishimura said.

"What do you expect?" Kiyoshi huffs. "Ichiro's being a dick. He said he already made plans."

"What? He didn't tell me he had plans tonight." Eita cocks an eyebrow.

"Oh!? Really!?" Kiyoshi mockingly gasps and covers his mouth (which was still covered by his ski mask). "Ichiro didn't tell you something!? Really!? What a twist! I never saw it coming!"

"Okay, okay, I get it. You're right. He's being a dick. Now clear the door so I can talk to him." Eita chides and nudges Kiyoshi with his foot. "I don't want him to sense the crazy on you and mistake me for a sketchy individual." Initially Kiyoshi flipped Eita off but after a few moments of defiance he scooted to the side. Once the door was clear of hysterical obstructions Eita stepped forward and knocked politely. "Hey, Ichiro! It's Eita!" Eita gave Ichiro a moment to answer before he knocked again with more urgency. "Ichiro, we know you're in there. Kiyoshi's got a ski mask on and he looks like he's going to commit a crime if you don't cooperate."

"I will not be held accountable for my actions today!" Kiyoshi growls and sits cross-legged by the door in his best samurai pose. The disjunct between Kiyoshi's words and bushido was so glaring even Eita couldn't stop himself from snickering.

"I already told Kiyoshi I have plans tonight!" Ichiro finally shouts back.

"Yeah, so I heard. What kind of plans, though?" Eita asks as diplomatically as possible. "Do you mean 'go away Kiyoshi I can't deal with you today' plans? Or 'I'm secretly a legendary hero and need to save the world tonight' plans? Because those are the only two kinds of plans I can think of that could justify blowing your friends off for a week."

"For eight days!" Kiyoshi thunders.

"For eight days…" Eita probably had that coming.

"The kind where I've already got tickets to a movie." Ichiro meekly retorts.

"Movie? Which movie? Why wasn't I invited? I love movies." Kiyoshi frowns.

"Yeah, and he always whispers during them!" Ichiro reminds Eita.

"Okay, that is a valid point. I'm curious now though. What movie?" Eita persists.

".... God Help the Girl."

"The hell is that?" Eita blinks.

"What are you doing watching foreign dramas by yourself in the middle of summer?" Kiyoshi scratches his chin and furrows his eyebrows.

"It's a foreign drama?" Eita asks.

"Yes. A foreign drama." Kiyoshi repeats. "As in the exact sort of movie a man would only go to if he was going with a girl!"

"Ichirrrrrrooooo!" Eita glowers at the door. "Why are you blowing us off for a date movie? You can either explain now or explain after I hurl you out of your room."

"You know he'll do it too! That's coming from Eita! Not me!" Kiyoshi gleefully points out.

"Well… since I guess since Eita is the one who's angry now…"

"Excuse me!?" Kiyoshi cries.

"Quiet Ki." Eita's expression was as stoic as the face of a mountain but Kiyoshi could tell Eita was pleased with the ribbing Ichiro was giving him. "Ichiro, ignore him. Continue."

"It's kinda complicated but... " Ichiro hesitates for a moment. "I've kinda been… dating a senior from the literature club since last week."

"You've been doing what now?" Eita and Kiyoshi exchange looks. It was a predictable revelation that followed logically from Ichiro's talk about going to the movies but it was still another thing entirely to hear Ichiro say he was dating someone now. Both of them could tell from the other one's look of disbelief that they were both hearing the same thing. If they were hearing the same preposterous story though why hadn't Ichiro told them he was dating his senior? Eita's mind refused to accept the very idea that Ichiro would do something as important as confess without telling him. "Did you just say you've been dating your senior?"

"Yes."

"Why didn't you tell us that to begin with!?" Kiyoshi demands.

"Because you are practically--- no, BIOLOGICALLY INCAPABLE of not making a big deal about something!" Ichiro fires back. "And I didn't want to make a big deal about confessing to her! It would have psyched me the hell out! That's why I didn't want to tell you until I'd already done it!"

"And then you realized I'd beat your ass if you just showed up one day and suddenly said 'oh by the way I confessed to a girl the other night' so instead of avoiding us for a couple days you started avoiding us for more than a week?" Eita calmly guesses and cracks his knuckles. A moment passes in silence before Ichiro finally opens the door and faces his friends in his pajamas.

"Uh, yeah, pretty much. I guess it's not really that complicated when you think about it. Kiyoshi's an idiot and Eita can be really petty sometimes." Ichiro chalantly dons his glasses while he simultaneously insults the both of them.

"Excuse me!?" It was Eita's turn to cry 'slander!'

"Just because I'm an idiot doesn't mean you should be afraid of me." Kiyoshi shoots Ichiro a disappointed look. "I'm your friend not some weir--- some random weirdo you ran into on the street."

"And I might be petty but that doesn't mean I'd yell at you over something worth celebrating." Eita chimes in.

"He'd lecture you, yeah." Kiyoshi backhandedly agrees. "Yell though? Probably not. Maybe not. Possibly not."

"Okay Ki I think you've made your point." Eita grumbles. "Let's get back to the issue at hand. Ichiro, you're an ass and didn't tell us you're going on a date with a girl tonight. Correct?"

"More or less."

"When's the movie?"

"9:30. We were going to meet up nearby for dinner first, though."

"Dude, it's only six o clock!" Eita exclaims. "You've got plenty of time. There's no need to blow us off tonight. Let's kill two birds with one stone. You can get ready for your date now and then we can hit up the arcade. After an hour or so of chilling with us you can go meet up with your senior. How else did you intend to spend the next couple hours? Lying in bed texting someone you'd already made plans to talk to later?" Eita gestures at Ichiro's pajamas.

"Is he just going to fake cry outside my door for the next two hours if I say no?" Ichiro cocks an eyebrow accusingly at Kiyoshi.

"I hadn't planned on it but now that you mention it that does sound like a good idea." Kiyoshi strokes his chin again.

"Ugh. Fine. It's hard to say no when you explain it like that." Ichiro facepalms. "I guess I will temporarily grace you cavemen with my presence today."

"That hurts man. That really hurts. Speaking of cavemen, though, can we compare homework after your date?" Eita asks unashamedly. "You know. Now that we're back on talking terms and you're so relieved we're not angry at you and such?"

"Give me fifteen minutes." Ichiro shuts his door without so much as a 'maybe.'

---

Ichiro had initially seemed aloof when the trio left his house. Whenever Kiyoshi or Eita tried to make small talk when him he reacted defensively and his replies were always terse. Eita figured Ichiro was still expecting them to start yelling at him eventually so Eita waited patiently until Ichiro was finally comfortable enough to start a conversation himself. After ten minutes of walking Eita's patience finally paid off.

"So I've been wondering about something for a while now." Ichiro admits. "I heard the other day that a gang has been attacking judo guys lately. Are you guys okay?"

"Wait a damn second now. You're only asking us that now?" Kiyoshi snaps, gesticulating wildly with his hands until he notices he'd almost hit the other people standing at the crosswalk with them. Eita could only imagine how the bystanders would have reacted if he was still wearing that ridiculous ski mask. "You heard someone was attacking judo club members and you didn't even call to ask if we were okay!?What is wrong with you? How did someone like you get a girlfriend?"

"Well I knew Eita could handle himself." Ichiro explains.

"Eita? Specifically Eita and not me? You got something say to me Ichiro?" Kiyoshi growls right as they get the signal to cross.

"Use your imagination." Ichiro crosses the street with a smirk.

"Ki's kinda right though." Eita interrupts Kiyoshi before he can respond. "That's a dick move. Gonna have to side with him on this one."

"Thank you Eita." Kiyoshi dips his head in gratitude.

"Well? Is it true?" Ichiro overtly changes the subject. "Have you guys been getting attacked?"

"Well yes and no. It's not a gang. Just a single delinquent." Eita confesses. "And it's not so much 'attack' as much as it is he keeps challenging guys after practice to fights."

"Yeah, it's that Kotara guy from the class next to yours. He seems to have read a few too many shounen mangas." Kiyoshi grins. "Didn't he challenge you Eita after he heard you were getting groomed for nationals next year?"

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure he challenged me the same day he heard that…" Eita frowns.

"Kotara's messing with you guys? Huh." Ichiro quietly mulls over Eita and Kiyoshi's report. "I hear Kotara's actually really into his classical literature classes. I've seen him try to spy on lit club meetings before."

"I suppose this is the part where they'd say in a movie 'you should just screw and get it over with'' huh?" Eita chuckles.

"Are you kidding? I don't want a troubled youth in the lit club!" Ichiro objects.

"Of course you don't. He'd just ruin your sappy romantic springtime with your senior." Eita rolls his eyes.

"Speaking of springtime!" Kiyoshi suddenly grabs Ichiro by the shoulders. "You don't deserve it cause you're a jackass but I'll buy you a congratulatory juice when we get to the arcade!"

"I said I didn't want to make a big deal about this man!" Ichiro shrugs Kiyoshi's hands off of him.

"Me thinks the lady doth protest too much!" Kiyoshi laughs.

"Regardless of the lady's protest buying a friend a drink isn't really making a big deal of something." Eita interjects delicately. "We're not trying to embarrass you man. We just want to casually buy you a drink because you're a friend. It's what friends do."

"Is grabbing my shoulders out of nowhere supposed to be casual?"

"Dude, it's Kiyoshi. Yes, that is completely casual for him."

"Both of you are really trying hard to talk yourselves out of a free juice…" Kiyoshi glares daggers at the both of them.

"Hey, come on. My dad doesn't give me much pocket money. I was trying to back you up!" Eita whines. The front of the arcade was in sight now so he knew he wouldn't have much time to milk fickle Kiyoshi for a juice if he decided that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Pleading a little was okay in times like this.

"Putting all your cards on the table now, huh?" Kiyoshi crows. "Rather pathetic of someone with so much machismo wouldn't you say?"

"Yeah, that is rather pathetic." Ichiro joins in. Eita could see it in his eyes. 'I dare you to snap at me. I dare you.'

"Ki, I was just trying to negotiate a compromise." Eita swallows his pride and persists. "If I hyped you up and just completely sided with you I wouldn't have looked like an impartial third party now would I? Ichiro would have just gotten defensive if we ganged up on him."

"So instead you tried to gang up on me with him?" Kiyoshi stops in front of the entrance to the arcade. "You've been making fun of me an awful lot tonight."

"Yeah, Eita. You should be nicer to your friends." Ichiro smiles coyly

"I'm so jealous of you Kiyoshi I just have to put you down sometimes." Eita lies through his clenched teeth. "You understand, don't you? It's healthy when someone as awesome as you gets insulted for a change. It helps us as a society heal."

"Wow Eita. Just wow." Ichiro shakes his head.

"Yeah, Eita. If you want a free juice that badly I could treat everyone today to refreshments. I'm a charitable man, after all." Kiyoshi preens strides into the arcade. "What juice are you so desperate to drink today anyways? It's not every day me and Ichiro get to see you grove---" Before Kiyoshi could finish his sentence a blurry object flew through the air and slammed into him. The force of the impact sent Kiyoshi tumbling back onto the sidewalk.

"The hell!?" Eita recoils back in surprise.

"Kiyoshi, are you okay!?" Ichiro was trying his best not to panic because of Kiyoshi's painful squirming but he was failing miserably. It took Eita and Ichiro a second to notice Kiyoshi wasn't even conscious. The only person who was squirming was the yankee girl with dyed hair lying on top of him. "... do you think she ran into him Eita?" Ichiro asks as he kneels besides the two of them.

"Ran into him hard enough to knock him out? Well... " Eita sighs. "That cliche is only slightly more believable than this cliche."

"What? Cliches? What are you talking about?" Ichiro looks up and follows Eita's eyes to the trio of shady characters standing across from them inside of the arcade.

"I'm talking about these jerks who seem to have thrown a yankee at us." Eita eyed the three strangers. They were obviously in high school too and aside from the obvious delinquent appearance they didn't look all that extraordinary to Eita. If they weren't extraordinary, though, and if they really did throw that girl at Kiyoshi, then how the hell did they throw her so fast she was nothing but a blur? That's ridiculous! They must have just surprised him. Lots of things look like blurs when you aren't looking for them, right?

"I thought you said you guys weren't getting attacked by a gang." Ichiro raises an eyebrow.

"I did and we're not. I have no idea who these guys are." Eita retorts before he turns back to the delinquents. "So which one of you broke my idiot?" Eita asks as soon as he'd managed to recompose himself.

At first the three of them hissed at each other about "big boss" and "bystanders." From what Eita could hear apparently they'd gotten orders that involved that yankee girl. Unfortunately for them they'd also been ordered to not involve innocent people like poor and abused Kiyoshi. A century seemed to pass before the one in front finally turned back to Eita and disarmingly raised his hands. "Look man, we're not trying to start anything here."

"Wise words." Somewhere in the back of Eita's mind he could his rational faculties screaming 'holy shit they threw that girl like a baseball' but deep down in his gut he knew he was going to be heeding his father's voice during this altercation.

"So if you don't mind we're just going to step around you and take that girl off your hands." The forward most delinquent declares as he edges towards Eita.

"Who said you were taking anyone anywhere? You handed her to us. What if we feel like keeping her?" Eita narrows his eyes at the the advancing delinquent.

"Woh Eita take it easy man." Ichiro jumps to his feet.

"Listen to your friend." The delinquent freezes in place and replies shakily. "Let's just calm down. She's the one we have a problem with. We don't mean you any harm." As soon as Eita's brain processed the worry on the delinquent's face Eita realized his hand was on the delinquent's shoulder and he'd hooked his foot around the delinquent's leg. Eita had tensed up into a judo posture without thinking.

"Yeah, Eita, we should all just take a step back right now and go our separate ways."

"Yeah, just take a step back." The delinquent raises his hands higher. "It wasn't supposed to turn out like this. We didn't want her to get away."

"I think we're past that point now." Eita insists.

"Yeah, we are." The delinquent nods.

"... yeah, we are?" Eita tilts his head. "Wait, what do you mean by that?" Was he really giving up that easily?

"I mean she's already gone." The delinquent sighs. True to his word the yankee girl was gone when Eita looked back at Kiyoshi. She must have bolted as soon as Eita grabbed the delinquent and distracted everyone. "Good job asshole." The delinquent grumbled and disentangled himself from Eita. "We're going to get in trouble now." Then without another word he shoved his hands into his pockets and slinked away. The other two delinquents quickly followed his example.

"What do you think that was all about?" Ichiro glances back and forth between Eita and the retreating delinquents.

"I haven't the slightest clue." Eita nudges Kiyoshi with his foot. "I'm pretty sure this isn't the end of that though."

Click to shrink...

 

[Sam L Rioter]

This seems surprisingly interesting...

Is the MC's name and the academys name being spelt the same with the 'K' and 'N' switched a plot point?

 

[peachesandcream]

This seems surprisingly interesting...

Is the MC's name and the academys name being spelt the same with the 'K' and 'N' switched a plot point?

Click to shrink...

EDIT: Just realized what you were actually saying. I never noticed that. Huh. It's sheer coincidence right now (why the academy is in Kanagawa will become clear once the headmaster makes his debut) but now I can't help but scratch my head and wonder...

 

[peachesandcream]

If anyone is wondering what happened to this: I'm still working on it. I've been doing intensive rewrites with the aid of some freelance editors from my university's writing center and I'm having panic attacks because a bad professor might keep me from graduating in 18 days if I don't man-mode the shit out of this week. I have managed to progress the story a bit and it looks like I'll be ending the first segment at about 10,000 to 12,000 words since I'm a bit over 8,000 words now and I'll be ending the intro segment as Eita starts his first day at the Academy.

My goal is to have that finished segment out and polished by the end of December at the latest.

 

[BeYawn'd]

This is actually pretty damn good. But I find it cliché that Eita points out a cliché then suddenly defends the girl without even knowing her.

 

[peachesandcream]

This is actually pretty damn good. But I find it cliché that Eita points out a cliché then suddenly defends the girl without even knowing her.

Click to shrink...

Yeah. Pointing out a cliche and then doing that cliche anyways is pretty much a cliche these days.

To make something clear though: the scene that immediately follows the segment I posted makes it somewhat clear why Eita did what he did. Remember that insane list of rules to live by Raku in Nisekoi was supposed to follow before the author just dropped the whole idea? It's a bit like that. There may not be a lot of formal rules but there's this ideal image of a Nakagawa man that Eita is constantly comparing himself to. To paraphrase something Eita is eventually going to say, "my dad is probably the kind of guy who still believes in ritual suicide." Eita's older brothers became cops, Eita's father is a renown cop, Eita's father's father was a cop, and Eita's father's father's father was one of the first police officers with modern training to hit the streets in Tokyo during the Meiji Restoration. It's pretty much always been decided for Eita that he's going to practice Judo as a kid and become a cop when he grew up. Eita is always under pressure to simultaneously maintain a level head but to also assert his machismo so he's picked up some contradictory habits.

That's why these rewrites have been so important. I had a sit down with an editor I realized I was falling a bit short of my objective with Eita's characterization. Eita's not supposed to be a complete asshole. A bit awkward, yeah. A bit of a hypocrite, yeah. Some temper issues, yeah. A little bit of a tsundere, yeah. He's not the kind of guy who smiles a lot but he's still self-aware enough to realize when he's veering too far off into jerkwad land. He might not always have enough self control to steer back on track (pretty much a classical flaw of Greek heroes) but most times he can. That's why Eita should come off as a bit of a jerk but I've done something wrong if he seems like an asshole.

Eita's high school experience is going to revolve around him finding some way to mediate between his genealogical jerkwad tendencies and his desire to be better than his elders. Hopefully by the time I've finished these rewrites that intent will be a lot more implicit.

 

[BeYawn'd]

-snip-

Click to shrink...

Eita didn't really come off as a jerk, or an asshole. I felt his character was actually pretty realistic. This is how some people are. He's far better then an all caring hero-complex hot blooded type.

 

[peachesandcream]

Eita didn't really come off as a jerk, or an asshole. I felt his character was actually pretty realistic. This is how some people are. He's far better then an all caring hero-complex hot blooded type.

Click to shrink...

Don't worry. I have one of those. His partner in the Hall Cop program wears an orange jump suit.

 

[InfiniteDaze]

Don't worry. I have one of those. His partner in the Hall Cop program wears an orange jump suit.

Click to shrink...

Believe it.

Looking forward to more!

it looks like I'll be ending the first segment at about 10,000 to 12,000 words since I'm a bit over 8,000 words now

Click to shrink...

....That's dedication.

 

[peachesandcream]

Alright boys, I ended up graduating after all! My celebratory drinking ended up getting a little crazier than I expected (you really learn what it means to regret your poor life decisions when you wake up and notice some 14% beer you don't remember drinking is missing), but now I'm sobering up and starting to get into the swing of things again.

Now that I can burp without my stomach playing a game of chicken with me I'm going to put a hard date on that update: January 1st. That'll give me some time to enjoy the holiday.

 

[Frankfawn43]

Interesting. Watched.

 

[peachesandcream]

It's late tonight, I've been writing all day long, and I'm going to be out of town starting tomorrow so I think I'm just going to post now. I originally intended to end with Eita on the train on his way to school but I think this is a pretty good stopping point all things considered. Yes, the formatting of the version I posted in the quote tags is different from the google doc version. That's because I wrote it in google drive and then lazily fixed the paragraph spacing here. If you want to read it how it was intended to be read I recommend you read the google doc version.

Hall Cop Public Issue One Draft Two

August is a controversial month for students. For students like Tanaka Kiyoshi August is a month brimming with possibilities. Japan was still knee deep in festival season so Kiyoshi usually spent his nights fantasizing about possible chance encounters and raised flags. He'd even gone so far as to buy some fashion magazines and highlight his hair in preparation for his entirely hypothetical (perhaps even fantastical) romantic rendezvouses. Lord knows why he felt the need to spike his hair before practice with his all all-male judo club but spiked it he did. Nakagawa Eita, Kiyoshi's close friend and clubmate, couldn't even begin to understand why Kiyoshi felt now was the time for flashy hair. There was a reason he'd just had his own trimmed down to a crew cut. He was already mentally preparing himself for school.

To Eita August is a month of regret. It's the time of the year you always spend wondering whether or not you could have spent your summer break better than you did. It was neither the time for hope nor the time for new beginnings. Sometimes Eita was cynical enough he pulled out his phone and started to crunch all the minutes he'd wasted that day idling in front of the TV or rereading old manga. Regardless of what numbers his calculator spat out the answer was always the same though: too many. A stranger would probably infer that Eita's seasonal depression was the reason for his persistently distant glare that day. That stranger would probably be wrong, though. This is how Eita always looked. Eita always looked like a man who belonged in a prison (and not always as a guard).

Even though it seems like Kiyoshi and Eita are polar opposites when it comes to August the two friends were actually very much in agreement on the subject. They were simply on opposite ends of the five stages of grief. Kiyoshi was transitioning from denial to bargaining while Eita was transitioning from depression to acceptance. They were physically anxious about returning to school and it didn't matter what name that rose went by. Anxiety is anxiety regardless of whether you decide to focus on the petals or the thorns.

Eita couldn't help but sigh as he changed out of his judo clothes. He'd spent another precious day doing something tedious. If you'd asked him why he'd bothered showing up to practice in the first place if it was such a burden to him he'd have probably have just shrugged his shoulders and grumbled vaguely about "social obligations." Judging by the way Kiyoshi was fidgeting with the lock on his locker he seemed to share Eita's sentiment. He'd already finished changing his clothes but he couldn't find the will to lock up and leave. Most of their clubmates had rushed out as soon as practice ended but Eita and Kiyoshi had languished with the other stragglers. The clubmates who'd already left were probably just frantic because they needed to finalize their plans for tomorrow night's festivities. Kiyoshi and Eita's plans had already been finalized for them. Kiyoshi's family needed him to help them run their takoyaki stall and Eita knew his father planned to conscript him for oddjobs and community service. Neither of them had any reason to expect much time to themselves tomorrow.

"What's today?" Kiyoshi suddenly asks out of the blue.

"August 5th." Eita glances at Kiyoshi. Eita was pretty sure Kiyoshi already knew what the date was. There could only be one reason Kiyoshi suddenly cared what day of the month it was.

"So Ichiro has been avoiding us for a week now." Kiyoshi slams his locker shut. The ruckus attracted more than a couple stares from the other stragglers.
"Eight days, actually." Eita thoughtlessly corrects Kiyoshi as he pulls a t-shirt out of his locker.

"Oh, I'm sorry. So it's actually been eight days since Ichiro said anything to us." Kiyoshi concedes and punches his locker (and immediately flinches).
"And you're sulking because you hate it when you're not the center of attention?" Eita rolls his eyes.

"Shut up. You can't pretend that Ichiro's cold shoulder doesn't bug you." Kiyoshi huffs and petulantly rubs his knuckles.

"I can and I am, little girl." Eita chokes back his smirk and wriggles into his t-shirt. "Getting butthurt because someone doesn't answer your texts doesn't solve anything."

"Covering your ears and pretending nothing is wrong doesn't solve anything either though!" Kiyoshi retorts with a glare.

"I don't know about that. It seems to solve an awful lot of my problems. I mean, the problems are normally related to you but still…"

"Ha. Ha. Ha." Kiyoshi sarcastically laughs and crosses his arms over his chest. "You seem to think the manly thing to do here is to play it cool. I, on the other hand, thinks it's times like this a man must act."

"Oh yeah? So you've got a plan, big man?" Eita snidely asks as he finishes changing and locks his locker.

"I do have a plan, actually. Come on Eita. Let's go to Ichiro's house." Kiyoshi demands in the most dramatic and commanding voice he can muster. "Come with me right now and help me kidnap him."

"Kidnapping? That escalated quickly." Eita snorts and pointedly turns to leave without so much as glancing back at Kiyoshi. "Are you sure you don't want to start with some gateway crimes? Maybe we should loiter in the park or jaywalk before we jump straight to felony abduction."

"No. We need to go right now and kidnap Ichiro so he can't avoid us anymore." Kiyoshi pleads persistently. "I know you want to force Ichiro to confess to his most heinous crimes just as much as I do."

"Have you ever wondered maybe he's ashamed of you and that's why he won't tell us anything?" Eita asks. Eita could sense Kiyoshi following close behind him but he still refused to look back at his embarrassingly boisterous friend. He knew it would only encourage his behavior. Unfortunately not looking back also encouraged his behavior and now their discussion had moved into the public domain.

"This isn't the time for questions man. Now is the time to act. Let's go. Let's get some masks and get our home invasion on." Kiyoshi insists right as an old woman passes them by on the sidewalk. Eita could tell by the increased tempo of her footsteps that Kiyoshi had sent her running in the opposite direction…
"The hell? Now you're adding masks to the crime? What next? Are you going to escalate to bringing knives and a car battery if I keep rebuffing you?"
"… I had considered it, yeah. I mean, I was only going to threaten to bring those things but you never know what I might do without parental supervision." Kiyoshi admits, this time while surrounded by impressionable young grade schoolers.

"You're right. I have no idea what unspeakable crimes you would commit if I wasn't there to chaperone you." Eita sighs and buries his face in his hands. It would be so easy to keep rebuking Kiyoshi right now. Somewhere in the back of Eita's head, though, he knew it wouldn't be fair to Kiyoshi. He really had been trying his best to play it cool just like Kiyoshi had said. Eita had wanted to go to Ichiro's house from the beginning but he'd felt so self-conscious about his frustration that he'd taken it out on Kiyoshi rather than just admit his feelings upfront. If that's how Eita treated his friends then wasn't he being a hypocrite when he accused Kiyoshi of driving Ichiro away? It very well could have been Eita's hollow machismo that drove Ichiro away.

"Oh boy I recognize that tone. Did someone just win Eita?" Eita didn't need to see Kiyoshi's face to see how smug he looked right then. He could tell just by the tone of Kiyoshi's voice that he was smiling ear to ear like a maniac. " Tell me Eita. Tell me who won Eita. I'm pretty sure someone just won."

"Shut up and come on. Let's go to Ichiro's house before it gets dark." Eita grumbles. Did Eita want to punch the smug right off of Kiyoshi's face? A little bit, yeah. Nevertheless Eita had no intention of punching Kiyoshi right in the ego. For one, punching Kiyoshi in the ego would probably just make it stronger than ever. For two, if Kiyoshi was able to be smug and joke around like that then he clearly wasn't shedding any tears over Eita's scolding. Since this was pretty much the closest thing that smug bastard was ever going to get to an apology Eita was going to let it slide this time.

"Not so fast! We've got unfinished business here! Let's put some money down on it! Who won Eita? Come on, who won? Tell me. Was it… THIS GUY!?" Kiyoshi shouts and strikes a stupid pose behind Eita's back. "I think it was!"

"I don't know what you're doing back there and I don't care. Come on, let's go to Ichiro's house."

"We can go as soon as you look at my face. The look on my face is priceless."

"By priceless do you mean unsellable or just godawful stupid?"

"Look. Look now."

"No!"

"Dude just look at my face already."

"Fine!" Eita snarls and spins on his foot. "What's the big damn HOLY SHIT what are you wearing!?" Eita recoils away once he sees the masked lunatic who'd been following behind him this whole time.

"Tadaaaa! I brought this ski mask from home!" Kiyoshi strikes another pose while the flock of grade schoolers continue to take pictures of him (or pose with him). "This was totally worth messing up my hair!"

"You planned to do that from the beginning!?" Eita grabs Kiyoshi by the collar. "Where's the car battery you idiot!?"

It was a miracle Eita and Kiyoshi managed to make it to the Nishimura residence without getting stopped by the cops. Eita had tried to get Kiyoshi to take off that ridiculous ski mask but Kiyoshi had refused because "trust me this is going to be funny." Eita was smart enough he recognized those words as the most dangerous words a friend could ever utter but didn't have enough sense to bail before things got real. It was like watching a trainwreck to him. Eita just had to see how far this locomotive was going to fly off the tracks today. He'd never seen Ichiro's mom, Mrs. Nishimura, lose her composure before and he was dying to see how she would react if the first thing she saw when she opened the door was a weirdo in a ski mask. Surely that'd be enough to freak out even her. Eita had to hold in a grin when he rang the doorbell. This was going to be good.

"Who is it?" Mrs. Nishimura asks as she peers through the eyehole in the door. "Nakagawa is that you?"

"Yes Ma'am." Eita replies nonchalantly. Could she not see Kiyoshi? Eita knew eyeholes had terrible fields of vision but were they really that bad?
"So that's Kiyoshi behind you then…?" Nope. She can totally see you in all your glorious splendor Kiyoshi and she still didn't even miss a beat. How anti-climactic.

"Yup! Home invasion time! Is Ichiro home and can we come in?"

"Yes and yes." Mrs. Nishimura courteously opens the door for the two of them. "He's upstairs in his room. Should I make some tea? Or are you not staying?"
"Nah, we won't be sticking around long. We're about to go to the arcade." Kiyoshi pushes his way past Eita and confidently strides past the mistress of the house without so much as acknowledging the fact he'd waltzed into her house with a ski mask on. Eita started to follow him but stopped when Mrs. Nishimura gestured in Kiyoshi's direction.

"Eita… It's not really a home invasion if he asks to come inside, is it?" Mrs. Nishimura puts a finger to her chin. "And why is he wearing a ski mask?"

"No Ma'am it's not and don't worry about that." Eita forces a smile. "He's the baka of the trio."

"Huh? Did you say something Eita?" Kiyoshi stops at the stairs and turns around.

"Don't worry about it." Mrs. Nishimura beams politely. Kiyoshi suspiciously stared at the two of them for a long moment before he finally continues his ascent up the stairs. Right as he turned away, Mrs. Nishimura shook her head and murmured "My son always wanted to have a 'dumb little brother'..."

"Huh!? What are you guys talking about down there!? Stop talking behind my back!" Kiyoshi yells down the stairs.

"Well he certainly got what he asked for then." Eita chuckled.

"It looks less like he found a little brother and more like he adopted an adolescent child to me..." Mrs. Nishimura shakes her head in pity. "A teenager at such a young age… such wretched parents you must be."

"Gee, thanks Ma'am." Eita's shoulders slumped. "I really needed to hear the sort of blunt words only a mother can say today."

"Any time." Mrs. Nishimura smiles radiantly.

"Ichiiiiirrroooooo! Come out come out wherever you are!" Kiyoshi's voice echoed from the second floor.

"You better hurry Nakagawa. It sounds like Kiyoshi's about to do something untoward in my house."

"Ichiiiiirroooo!" Kiyoshi cries again.

"I got it I got it! Your son is in my care." Eita reassures Mrs. Nishimura and glumly follows Kiyoshi's voice. Eita half expected Kiyoshi to be battering down the door to Ichiro's room when he rounded the corner but instead he was greeted by the spectacle of Kiyoshi kneeling on the floor and pawing at the door like some sort of domesticated animal. "Dude, do you not have any shame? Any shame whatsoever? Or are you still a child?" Eita flinches from his own words when he remembers what Mrs. Nishimura said.

"What do you expect?" Kiyoshi huffs. "Ichiro's being a dick. He said he already made plans."

"What? He didn't tell me he had plans tonight." Eita cocks an eyebrow.

"Oh!? Really!?" Kiyoshi mockingly gasps and covers his mouth (which was still covered by his ski mask). "Ichiro didn't tell you something!? Really!? I never saw that coming! What a twist!"

"Okay, okay, I get it. You're right. He's being a dick. Now shut up and clear the door so I can talk to him." Eita chides and nudges Kiyoshi with his foot. "I don't want him to sense the crazy on you and mistake me for someone suspicious." At first Kiyoshi just flipped Eita off but after a few moments of defiance he finally scooted to the side. Once the door was clear of hysterical obstructions Eita stepped forward and knocked politely. "Hey, Ichiro! It's Eita!" Eita gave Ichiro a moment to answer before he knocked again with more urgency. "Ichiro, we know you're in there. Kiyoshi's got a ski mask on and he looks like he's going to commit a crime if you don't cooperate."

"I will not be held accountable for my actions today." Kiyoshi rumbles and sits cross-legged by the door in his best samurai pose. The disjunct between the spirit of Kiyoshi's words and the tenets of bushido was so glaring even Eita couldn't stop himself from snickering.

"I already told Kiyoshi I have plans tonight!" Ichiro eventually shouts back.

"Yeah, so I heard. What kind of plans, though?" Eita asks as diplomatically as possible. "Do you mean 'go away Kiyoshi I can't deal with you today' plans? Or 'I'm secretly a legendary hero and need to save the world tonight' plans? Because those are the only two kinds of plans I can think of that could justify blowing your friends off for a week."

"For eight days!" Kiyoshi thunders.

"For eight days…" Eita probably had that coming.

"The kind where I've already got tickets to a movie." Ichiro weakly retorts.

"Movie? Which movie? Why wasn't I invited? I love movies." Kiyoshi pouts.

"Yeah, and he always whispers during them!" Ichiro reminds Eita.

"Okay, that is a valid point. I'm curious now though. What movie?" Eita persists.

".... God Help the Girl."

"The hell is that?" Eita blinks.

"Wait a second. What are you doing watching foreign dramas by yourself in the middle of summer?" Kiyoshi furrows his eyebrows.

"It's a foreign drama?" Eita scratches his head.

"Yes. A foreign drama." Kiyoshi repeats. "As in the exact sort of movie a man would only go to if he was going with a girl!"

"Ichirrrrrrooooo!" Eita glowers at the door. "You've got two options. You can either explain to me right the hell now why you're blowing us off for a date movie or you can explain to me right the hell after I hurl you out of your room."

"You know he'll do it too! That's coming from Eita! Not me!" Kiyoshi points out gleefully.

"Well… I guess since Eita is the one who's angry now…"

"Excuse me!?" Kiyoshi hisses.

"Quiet Ki." Eita's expression was as stoic as a mountain but Kiyoshi could tell by the glimmer in Eita's eye that he was pleased with the ribbing Ichiro was giving him. "Ichiro, ignore him. Continue."

"It's kinda complicated but... " Ichiro hesitates for a moment. "I've kinda been… dating a senior from the literature club since last week."

"You've been doing what now?" Eita and Kiyoshi exchange looks. It was a predictable revelation that followed logically from Ichiro's talk about going to the movies but it was still another thing entirely to actually hear Ichiro say he was dating someone. Both of them could tell from the other one's look of disbelief that they were both hearing the same thing but if they were hearing the same propesterous story then why hadn't Ichiro already told them he was dating his senior? Eita's mind refused to accept the very idea that Ichiro would do something as important as confess without so much as mentioning it to him. "Ichiro, did you just say you've been dating your senior?"

"Yes."

"Why didn't you tell us that to begin with!?" Kiyoshi demands.

"Because you are practically--- no, BIOLOGICALLY INCAPABLE of not making a big deal about something!" Ichiro fires back. "And I didn't want to make a big deal about confessing to her! It would have psyched me the hell out! That's why I didn't want to tell you until I'd already done it!"

"And then you realized I'd beat your ass if you just showed up one day and suddenly said 'oh by the way I confessed to a girl the other night' so you ended up avoiding us for more than a week?" Eita calmly cracks his knuckles. A moment passes in silence before Ichiro finally opens the door and faces his friends in his pajamas.

"Uh, yeah, pretty much." Ichiro chalantly dons his glasses. "I guess it's not really that complicated when you think about it. Kiyoshi's an idiot and Eita can be really petty sometimes."

"Excuse me!?" It was Eita's turn to cry 'slander!'

"Just because I'm an idiot doesn't mean you should be afraid of me." Kiyoshi shoots Ichiro a disappointed look. "I'm your friend not some weir--- some random weirdo you ran into on the street."

"And I might--- keyword MIGHT--- be petty but that doesn't mean I'd yell at you over something worth celebrating." Eita chimes in.
"He'd lecture you, yeah." Kiyoshi backhandedly agrees. "Yell though? Probably not. Maybe not. Possibly not."

"Okay Ki I think you've made your point." Eita grumbles. "Let's get back to the issue at hand. Ichiro, you're an ass and didn't tell us you're going on a date with a girl tonight. Correct?"

"More or less."

"When's the movie?"

"9:30. We were going to meet up nearby for dinner first though."

"Dude, it's only six o clock!" Eita exclaims. "You've still got plenty of time. There's no need to blow us off tonight. Let's kill two birds with one stone. You can get ready for your date now and then we can hit up the arcade after. You can chill with us for an hour or two and you'll still have plenty of time go meet up with your senior. How did you intend to spend the next couple hours anyways? Lying in bed texting someone you'd already made plans to talk to later?" Eita gestures at Ichiro's pajamas.

"Is he just going to fake cry outside my door for the next two hours if I say no?" Ichiro cocks an eyebrow and points accusingly at Kiyoshi.
"Now that you mention it that does sound like a good idea." Kiyoshi strokes his chin.

"Shit. I gave him ideas. Great. Fine." Ichiro facepalms. "I guess I can grace you cavemen with my presence today."

"That hurts man. That really hurts. Speaking of cavemen, though, can we compare homework after your date?" Kiyoshi asks unashamedly. "You know. Now that we're back on talking terms and you're so relieved we're not angry at you and such?"

"Give me fifteen minutes." Ichiro shuts his door without so much as a 'maybe.'

The trio was quiet for a while after they left Ichiro's house. Kiyoshi and Eita both tried a few times to strike up a conversation with Ichiro but he was still so wound up that he always snapped at them in the end. Eventually they got the hint and just stopped trying to make small talk with Ichiro. He obviously still expected them to start yelling at him any moment now. All Kiyoshi and Eita could do were wait until Ichiro was comfortable enough to start a conversation himself. After about ten minutes of walking their patience finally paid off.

"So I've been wondering about something for a while now." Ichiro finally opens up. "I heard a rumor that a gang of delinquents started attacking our school's judo club. Have you guys been okay?"

"Wait a damn second now. You're only asking us that now?" Kiyoshi snaps and gesticulates wildly with his hands until he notices he'd almost hit the other people standing besides them at the crosswalk. Eita could only imagine how the bystanders might have reacted if he was still wearing that ridiculous ski mask. "You heard people were attacking judo club members and you didn't call us a single timel to ask if we were okay!? What is wrong with you? How did someone like you get a girlfriend!?"

"Well I knew Eita could handle himself." Ichiro turns his nose up at Kiyoshi.

"Eita? Specifically Eita and no one else? You got something to say to me Ichiro?" Kiyoshi growls right as they get the signal to cross.

"Not anymore I don't. Pretty sure I just said everything that needed to be said." Ichiro crosses the street with a smirk.

"Ki's kinda right though." Eita interrupts Kiyoshi before he can respond. "Gonna have to side with him on this one. That was a real dick move, dude."

"Thank you Eita." Kiyoshi dips his head in gratitude.

"Well? Is it true?" Ichiro overtly ignores his friend's valid complaints. "Have you guys been getting attacked?"

"Well yes and no. It's not a gang of yankees. It's just one guy." Eita confesses. "And I'm not sure I'd use the word 'attack.' He just keeps freaking challenging us to fights after practice. We're all getting pretty sick of it."

"It's that Kotara guy from the class next to yours, Ichiro. He seems to have read a few too many shounen mangas." Kiyoshi grins. "Didn't he challenge you, Eita, after he heard you were getting groomed for nationals next year?"

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure he challenged me the same day he heard that…" Eita frowns.

"Kotara's the one messing with you guys? Seriously?" Ichiro quietly mulls over Eita and Kiyoshi's reports. "I hear Kotara's actually really into into his classic literature classes. I've even caught him trying to spy on lit club meetings before."

"So basically he's just trying to hide the fact he's a giant lit-nerd deep down inside." Eita rolls his eyes. "Great. So will you guys accept him into your club so he'll stop picking fights with me already?"

"Are you kidding? I don't want a troubled youth in the lit club!" Ichiro objects.

"Of course you don't. He'd just ruin your sappy romantic springtime with your senior." Eita rolls his eyes. "He might even steal your precious senpai away."

"Speaking of springtime!" Kiyoshi suddenly grabs Ichiro by the shoulders. "You don't deserve it cause you're a jackass but I'll buy you a congratulatory juice when we get to the arcade!"

"I said I didn't want to make a big deal about this man!" Ichiro shakes his shoulders violently until he breaks free of Kiyoshi's grip.

"Me thinks the lady doth protest too much!" Kiyoshi laughs.

"Buying a friend a drink isn't that dramatic, ya know? It's actually pretty mundane. Routine, even." Eita delicately interjects. "We're not trying to embarrass you man. We just wanted to casually buy you a drink because you're a friend. It's what friends do."

"Is grabbing my shoulders out of nowhere supposed to be casual?"

"Dude, it's Kiyoshi. Yes baka. That is what is considered casual by his standards."

"Both of you are trying really hard to talk yourselves out of free juice…" Kiyoshi glares at the both of them.

"Hey, come on. My dad doesn't give me much pocket money. I was backing you up! I was totally on your side!" Eita whines. The front of the arcade was now in sight so he knew he didn't have much time to milk fickle Kiyoshi for a juice if he decided that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Pleading a little in times like this isn't anything to be ashamed of.

"Putting all your cards on the table now, huh?" Kiyoshi crows. "Rather pathetic of someone with so much machismo wouldn't you say?"

"Yeah, that is rather pathetic." Ichiro joins in with a familiar look in his eyes. 'I dare you to snap at me. I dare you.' Eita could see those words flashing in Ichiro's irises like a neon sign.

"Ki, I was just trying to negotiate a compromise between you two!" Eita swallows his pride and persists. "If I hyped you up too much and outright sided with you I wouldn't have looked like an impartial third party. Ichiro would have just gotten defensive if we ganged up on him."

"So instead you tried to gang up on me with him?" Kiyoshi suddenly stops in front of the entrance to the arcade. "You know you've been making fun of me an awful lot today."

"Yeah, Eita. You should be nicer to your friends." Ichiro coyly chides.

"I'm so jealous of you Kiyoshi I feel like I need to put you down sometimes." Eita lies through his clenched teeth. "You understand that, don't you? It's healthy when someone as awesome as you gets insulted for a change. It helps us as a society heal. It's for the good of domestic tranquility."

"Wow Eita. Just wow." Ichiro shakes his head.

"Yeah, Eita. Wow. Just wow. Still, it's kinda hard to say no when you want a free juice that badly. After all, I'm a charitable man. Aren't I Eita?" Kiyoshi preens and strides into the arcade. "What juice are you so desperate to drink today anyways? It's not every day me and Ichiro get to see you grove---" Before Kiyoshi can finish his sentence, a blurry object flies through the air and slams into him and sends him tumbling back onto the sidewalk.

"What the hell!?" Eita recoils back in surprise.

"Kiyoshi, are you okay!?" Ichiro had tried his best to not panic but failed miserably as soon as he saw Kiyoshi's pained squirming. Wait, was Kiyoshi really squirming? It took Eita and Ichiro a second to notice Kiyoshi wasn't even conscious. He'd only looked like he was still awake because there was a yankee girl with dyed hair squirming on top of him. "... do you think she ran into him Eita?" Ichiro asks as he kneels down.

"Ran into him hard enough to knock him out?" Eita raises an eyebrow. "That's absurd. The alternative isn't much better though."

"The alternative? What alternative?" Ichiro's looks up and follows Eita's gaze until he sees the trio of shady characters standing in the doorway of the arcade. It didn't take long for Ichiro to put two and two together. "I thought you said you guys weren't getting attacked by a gang?" Ichiro shoots Eita a suspicious look.

"I did and we weren't. I have no idea who these guys are." Eita eyes the three strangers. Aside from their delinquent appearance they didn't look all that extraordinary to Eita and they couldn't be much older than he was. If they were just a bunch of ordinary high schoolers with attitude problems, though, then was it really possible they'd thrown her so fast that she'd been nothing but a blur? That was ridiculous. They couldn't be that strong, could they? It had to just be because they surprised him. Lots of things look like blurs when you aren't looking for them. Yeah, that makes a lot more sense. "So which one of you broke my idiot?" " Eita shouted once he'd regained his composure.

The crooks huddled up and started hissing at each other about "bystanders" and someone named "big boss" rather than answer him. From what Eita could gather they'd apparently gotten orders from that "big boss" guy to do something about the yankee girl currently crumpled on top of poor abused Kiyoshi. Their boss had also told them to not get any innocent bystanders involved, though and they weren't sure what to do now that that ship had sailed. So what happens now? Eita stared the delinquents down for what felt like a century before finally the one in front (a skeevy little guy with a red mohawk) turned around and raised his hands in a disarming manner. "Look man, we're not trying to start anything here."

"Wise words." Eita could hear a voice somewhere in the back of his head screaming 'holy shit they threw that girl like a baseball' but he could hear his father's voice rumbling even louder deep down in his gut. Eita knew collecting Kiyoshi and walking away would be the smart move right now. For whatever reason, though, his feet refused to do the the pragmatic thing and remained rooted in place.

"... so if you don't mind, I'm just going to take the girl off your hands and forget this happened." Mr. Mohawk declared as he edged towards Eita.

"Who said you were taking anyone anywhere? You handed her to us. What if we feel like keeping her?" Eita narrows his eyes at the advancing gang.

"Woah there Eita. Take it easy." Ichiro jumps to his feet.

"I'd Listen to your friend. Let's end this peacefully." Mohawk freezes in place. "We don't want anything to do with you. She's the one we have a problem with." It took Eita a moment to realize the reason everyone had started to panick was he'd grabbed Mohawk by his shoulder and hooked his foot around the loser 's leg. Eita had tensed up into a judo posture without thinking.

"Yeah, Eita, we should just all take a big step back right now and go our separate ways."

"Yeah, let's take a step back and resolve this peacefully." Mohawk raised his hands higher. "It wasn't supposed to turn out like this. We just didn't want her to get away."

"I think we're past that point now." Eita growls.

"Yeah, we are, asshole." Mohawk nods.

"... yeah, we are?" Eita tilts his head. What did he mean by that? Was he really giving up so easily?

"Yeah, we are. She's already gone." Mohawk scowled and shoved Eita aside. True to his word when Eita looked back to Kiyoshi the yankee girl was gone. She must have bolted when Eita grabbed Mohawk and distracted everyone. "Good job asshole. Now we're really in trouble." Mohawk sighed. Without another word the gang shoved their hands into their pockets and started to slink away.

"What was that all about?" Ichiro glances between Eita and the retreating delinquents.

"I haven't the slightest clue. I'm pretty sure this isn't the end of that though." Eita nudges Kiyoshi with his foot.

"I hope Ki doesn't have a concussion…"

"He should be fine considering how thick his skull is." Eita lied with a grimace. That one push from Mohawk had been enough to make his chest throb with pain. Eita was pretty sure Kiyoshi was going to be feeling it too when he woke up.

---

Unfortunately the arcade manager went ballistic and called the cops as soon as he found out about the scuffle. If Kiyoshi hadn't woken up when he did the manager would have probably called an ambulance, too. Eita knew they hadn't done anything wrong but couldn't help getting depressed when he heard the word "police." He'd been raised by cops so he knew how long police response times could be. Even if everything went perfect they were still probably going to waste the next half hour sitting in the manager's office waiting for an officer to show up. Before Eita could write off the rest of his night, though, sly old Ichiro stepped forward and promised the manager they'd stay put if he let them play some free games in the meantime. It took some haggling but eventually the three of them were able to talk the manager into giving them enough tokens to last a while.

Thanks to Ichiro's quick thinking the trio managed to salvage their precious August night. Eita and Kiyoshi finally got the chance to tease Ichiro over his lovey-dovey descriptions of his girlfriend, Kiyoshi finally bought Eita his juice, and all three of them reconciled over a lot of vulgar but good natured trash talking. Eita had pretty much forgotten about the fight until a bored looking police officer tapped him on his shoulder and started asking questions. Five anticlimactic minutes later the police officer thanked them for their time and walked away with the same underwhelmed expression on his face he'd had when he walked in. Since it was already almost eight o clock by the time the cop left the three of them went their separate ways shortly afterwards. Night had fallen and they all had places to be. Eita's parents had been relatively understanding when he called them and told them his plans for the night but he knew his father wouldn't show any mercy if he reported in later than he'd said he would.

Eita had to admit in retrospect he was pretty happy with how his day had gone. Sure, it might have started with him going through all the motions like a zombie but thanks to a certain ski-masked lunatic it'd flown off the tracks and landed somewhere pleasant. Most trainwrecks have gruesome endings but this time Eita was walking home with a dumb smile on his face. It'd been too long since the three of them had gotten together like that, Eita mused. He really had grown accustomed to his idiots. They'd only known each other since their orientation earlier that year but he already felt like he'd known them his entire life. It certainly definitely didn't help that Kiyoshi reminded Eita of an actual childhood friend.

That thought caused Eita to shake his head violently like it was being attacked by gremlins. He already had enough insanity in his high school life with Kiyoshi in it. Eita didn't want to squander the satisfying ending to his night pondering why he'd gotten so used to dealing with eccentric weirdos. He was determined to end the night on a better note than that. 'Tonight is going to end on a good note.' Eita mentally insisted as he ascended the steps to his house.
To Eita's surprise the front door flew open before he could even fumble in his pockets for his key. "I'm still trying to figure out if you're in trouble or not." Eita's grim looking older sister, Chiyo, greeted him.

"Huh?" Eita checks the time on his phone and scoffs. "What are you talking about? I'm five minutes early. Don't scare me like that." He grumbles as he takes his shoes off.

"That's not what I mean!" Chiyo explains and shuts the door behind him. "Otousan is entertaining an important guest right now."

"At this hour?" Eita cocks an eyebrow. "I didn't hear anything about 'important guests' when I left for Judo."

"That's because he showed up out of the blue a few minutes ago." Chiyo whispers and motions for Eita to follow her down the hall. "He said he wanted to meet you."

"Meet me?" Eita blinks. "Why? And who is 'he' anyways?"

"Dad said he's a former member of the Diet." Chiyo peeks around the corner into the kitchen room.

"A what!?" Eita hisses in her ear.

"First off, ow! That hurt!" Chiyo hisses back and rubs her head. "Second off, yeah, really. I think dad even voted for him back in the day. Just look at him!" Eita didn't believe the words coming out of Chiyo's mouth until he peered into the kitchen and saw Diet-sensei with his own two eyes. Between Diet-sensei's feudal posture and bulging tree trunk arms, he looked like what every Nakagawa man was supposed to strive to be. It had been a while since Eita had heard his grandfather's speech about "the ideal man" but Eita was pretty sure he understood now what his grandfather was ranting about when he insisted "a man should be like a mountain!" The scene was made all the more surreal by Eita's normally stoic father. The family patriarch was trying his best to maintain his composure but Eita could tell by the glimmer in his father's eyes that this was as close as he came to being starstruck. Then again that glimmer could have less to do with astronomy and more to do with the pungent smell of sake in the air... Eita's gawking came to an abrupt end when Diet-sensei turned his head in the siblings' direction and forced them to duck back into the hall.

"What the hell was that!?" Eita gestures frantically at the kitchen.

"Don't ask me!" Chiyo glares. "What the hell did you do to cause that!?"

"Don't ask me!" Eita glares back. Both of them just about leaped out of their skin when their younger siblings suddenly tugged on their sleeves.
"Did older brother get caught jaywalking?" Eita's youngest sister Chiharu asks. "You shouldn't do such dangerous things." Wait, why did it sound like she didn't have any faith in him!?

"Hmfph. It's not like jaywalking is that big a deal anyways!" Makato, Chiharu's twin brother, chimes in. Wait, why did it sound like he was bragging!?
"Our elders wouldn't risk fines like that." Chinatsu, Eita's second youngest sister, innocently beams. Wait, was that supposed to be a compliment? And why was the junior high schooler the one with adoring eyes!?

"Shhh! No one in this family jaywalks!" Chiyo and Eita snap at their juniors.

"Hey, what's with all the commotion out there?" The children's father called out from the kitchen. "Eita? Is that you? Are you home?"

"Yes Otousan. I just got home." Eita respectfully responds as all of his siblings--- even Chiyo!--- scurry away.

"Why didn't you say so? Come, come! We have a guest!"

"So I heard…" Eita mumbled under his breath. This is what Kiyoshi calls a death-flag, isn't it? Had he accidentally unlocked tonight's bad end? Eita was pretty sure nothing good would come of him stepping into the kitchen but Diet-sensei had left him no other choice. This was it. This was the homefront. This was the last stand. "Did something happen at work Otousan?" Eita feigned ignorance as he stepped into the kitchen.

"No no no. Nothing like that." Otousan shakes his head and pats the cushion beside him with barely contained excitement. "Āmusutorongu-sensei came all this way just to meet you."

"Āmusutorongu-sensei?" Eita glances at the giant sitting across the table. What kind of name is that supposed to be?

"Yes, Āmusutorongu-sensei." The mountain of a man rumbled and furrowed his eyebrows. Had Āmusutorongu caught him staring? Had he read Eita's mind? The thought sent a shiver down Eita's spine. For some reason Eita got the feeling he shouldn't spend too much time thinking about Āmusutorongu-sensei's family name.

"He was our representative in the Diet twelve years ago." Otousan proudly informs and pours Āmusutorongu another glass of sake.

"Oh, wow. That's amazing." Eita politely bows his head. "It's an honor to meet you Āmusutorongu-sensei."

"Hm." Āmusutorongu-sensei narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. Eita almost died of embarrassment when his father mimicked Āmusutorongu.

"Hm?" Eita glanced between the two patriarchs.

"I was expecting someone with more muscle." Āmusutorongu-sensei purses his lips.

"He does need more muscle on his bones." Otousan nods. Who's side is he even on!?

"Did you really come here just to tell me that?" Eita twitches.

"No. I came here because I heard you saved one of my students." Āmusutorongu bows his head.

"Eita did what now?" Otousan blinks. "I thought you went to the arcade."

"I did!" Eita insists. "I went directly to the arcade with my friends and nowhere else. I did absolutely nothing wrong. I was just in the right place at the wrong time and ran into a gang of yankees in front of the arcade. They threw a girl at Kiyoshi---"

"They threw a girl at you?" Otousan's jaw drops.

"Yes! Seriously! They threw a girl at us and knocked Kiyoshi out. Then they tried to drag her off so they could do who knows what to her." Eita continues.

"I believe you said 'and what if we want to keep her' at the time." Āmusutorongu rolls his eyes.

"... that's pretty hammy." Otousan frowns.

"I stand by it! It made me sound cool as hell!" Eita slams his fist on the table and stares defiantly back at his father and Āmusutorongu-sensei. "I stood up to those losers like you and grandfather always told me to do! I did the right thing! I did the manly thing!" Eita knew the more he ran his mouth the cornier he made himself sound but just couldn't stop for some reason. Was he worried that his father would misunderstand something and punish him for something he didn't do? Was he just that embarrassed by his own words? Or Did Āmusutorongu's attitude just piss him off that much?

"But at what cost?" Otousan laments.

"That's not important! What matters right now is how did you even find out about all this?" Eita narrows his eyes at Āmusutorongu-sensei. "The scuffle was a couple hours ago tops. You showed up here awfully quick for someone who hadn't been directly involved."

"Are trying to insinuate something, punk?" Āmusutorongu-sensei returns Eita's glare and leans forward in his seat. "I would choose my next words carefully if I were you."

"I already said everything I needed to say, didn't I?" Eita inwardly smirked. He was sure about it now. Diet-sensei had to be the "big boss' that the delinquents earlier had been talking about. That was the only possible way he could have heard about this and reacted so soon. The yankees had probably called him as soon as they failed their mission and he'd probably hurried over immediately afterwards But why would someone as big and famous as Āmusutorongu-sensei care so much about a gang of adolescent losers? A guy like him could have actual gangsters in his pocket if he wanted. Why would he waste his time establishing himself as the "Big Boss" of high schoolers? Eita was convinced "Big Boss" was somehow involved in Āmusutorongu-sensei's visit but the more he thought about it the less sense everything made. Āmusutorongu mentioned earlier he was here because Eita had saved one of his students. He was talking about that yankee girl, right? Did that mean Diet-sensei was an actual school teacher now rather than just a sensei in the Diet? What kind of terrifying school employs faculty like him? Or teaches students like those guys? Eita's chest still had a big brown bruise on it from when that yankee shoved him.

"Hmfph. Maybe you're cut out for the job after all." Āmusutorongu-sensei finally leans back in his chair. A job? He came here to offer him a job? Did that mean he is Big Boss after all? "I guess it doesn't really matter. If you're just a punk you won't last long. If you're a real man you shouldn't have any trouble with the job. Either way you won't be my problem for long." That really does sound like something a Big Boss would say!

"I don't get it. Are you trying to offer my son a job?" Otousan scratched his head in confusion.

"A job? A job? Just a job?" It was Āmusutorongu-sensei's turn to bang his fists on the table. The room shook so violently from the force of the blow that Eita worried for a moment that there'd been an earthquake. "This is about more than just a job! This is about even more than a career!" Āmusutorongu roared and jumped to his feet. "This is about the future of Japan! Mr. Nakagawa, who is the future of Japan?"

"The… uh… the children?" Even Otousan was turning pale at this point.

"Our youth!" The mountain thundered in agreement. "The future of Japan is our youth!"

"Alright, alright, we get it, just lower your voice a litt---" Eita pats the air diplomatically.

That is why I retired from the Diet! Those pansy ass old men wouldn't know the first thing about the future! That is why I became the vice principal of the Kanagawa Academy for Extraordinary Talent! Because the future of Japan is its youth!" It wasn't just the table now. The entire room had started to tremble! Eita watched in horror as all the kitchen cabinets popped open and vomited tableware. Porcelain and debris came tumbling down from places Eita hadn't even known had had stuff in them. Teacups that had been passed down since the days of the Meiji Emperor smashed into the floor all around the room. Eita was pretty sure even the fan above them was pelting them with shrapnel now.

"The table! The table! We have to get under the table!" Otousan hollered as he desperately pulled his son into cover.

"Those paper pushing fossils think they can save Japan but they're just a bunch of blind bureaucrats! The future isn't built by deal-making pansies! It isn't made by glorified secretaries!" Eita couldn't even understand what Āmusutorongu was saying at this point because of all the racket. Every time he said something about "the future" or "bureaucrats" something crashed or exploded into a thousand ivory pieces. "The future is built by people who are still young enough to fight for what they believe in! The future is built by young men and women who burn with the passion of a thousand summers!" Did Eita hear a scream? Yeah, there's no mistaking it. Eita could hear one of his siblings screaming in the other room right now. "That is why the Kanagawa Academy exists! The Kanagawa Academy exists to create our nation's next generation of fighters! Our sweat, our blood, and our tears will rebuild our aging country as something newer! Something better! We will rebuild Japan as something great again! Eita!" Āmusutorongu-sensei barks and points a finger at the two men hiding under the table.

"God?" Eita cries back.

Bang! The kitchen clock smashed into the ground and sent pieces flying everywhere.

"There are no gods Eita! There are no gods except the ones you forge with your own two fists!" Boomed the living god trapped in human flesh. "Eita, I am giving you the chance to build your own god!"

"What are you even talking about at this point!?" Eita shouts back.

" I'm talking about seizing your destiny, Eita! I'm talking about the divine opportunity you have today!" The room wasn't being consumed by an earthquake anymore. Wind howled through the room as soon as Āmusutorongu's voice reached a crescendo. All of the junk that had fallen to the floor earlier was now being thrown around by a raging whirlwind. The storm smacked Eita's face with pots and pans again and again; the shattered remains of cups and plates mercilessly swirled around the Nakagawa men. Eita didn't even want to imagine what would happen if he uncovered his eyes at this point. He didn't even dare open his mouth at this point. He just curled up into the fetal position and did his best to protect his vital organs. "Kanagawa Academy may be unforgiving but it is your future! It is your divine destiny! The battles may be constant, the danger may be endless, and death might be frequent, but that is why you need us and we need you! Help my subordinates secure a glorious future for Japan, Eita! Transfer to Kanagawa Academy today and risk your life as a hall monitor for the good of our nation!"

The room fell silent. The tornadoes and tremors all came to an immediate halt once Āmusutorongu finished his speech. The entire floor was covered in ceramic shards and glass. All of the kitchen cabinets were dangling open and quite a few of them were barely holding onto their last hinge. Eita could clearly hear one or more of his younger siblings crying. Maybe it was the twins? No, it had to be Chinatsu. That sounds like something she'd do.

"... excuse me, sensei?" Eita cleared his throat and finally poked his head out from under the table. "Did you just ask me to be a hall monitor?" There's no way he said that, right? Eita had to have just misheard him because of all the ruckus. There's no way Āmusutorongu used the words "risk your life," "for the good of our nation," and "hall monitor" all in the same sentence. Āmusutorongu wouldn't really go through all of this trouble just to ask him to be a high school hall monitor , would he?

"I did. You better have been listening, kid. I don't like repeating myself." Āmusutorongu scowled.

"No! Stop! You don't need to repeat yourself!" Eita jumped to his feet and pleaded before the wind could start howling again. "I was listening! I really was! It's just I just thought you said something weird!"

"Excuse me? Are you making fun of my academy?" Āmusutorongu snarled.

"No!" Eita throws his hands up in preemptive surrender. "It's just I've never heard anyone take being a hall monitor so seriously!"

"So you're making fun of my students now?"

"No! Stop! I'm not making fun of anyone!" Eita hisses. "I'm just having a hard time grasping the gravity of what you said!" That was an understatement. Eita had a hard time believing any high school could be as dangerous or important as Āmusutorongu made Kanagawa Academy sound. I mean, really. "Divine destiny?" "Secure a glorious future for Japan?" "The chance to build your own god?" Did Āmusutorongu live in another world or something? Eita's brain scoffed at the very idea that a high school hall monitor could ever be that important. Eita would probably have snickered if it weren't for the fact he could see with his own two eyes the kitchen area was a disaster area now. Eita couldn't just handwave that away.

"Correct me if I'm wrong Āmusutorongu-sensei, but don't Kanagawa Academy graduates have a 99% college acceptance rate?" Otousan suddenly cuts in. For some reason he still hadn't gotten up yet. He was still sitting under the table absorbed in thought. He wasn't seriously considering Āmusutorongu's proposition, was he?

"Better." Āmusutorongu boasts. "99% of our students get accepted into the college of their own choice. Kanagawa Academy is one of the most prestigious high schools in the entire world."

"We can't afford your private school, never-mind your college." Otousan waves his hand in the air as if to physically slap away that fleeting notion.
"Hall monitors attend Kanagawa Academy for free. They've got pretty good chances of getting a scholarship for college, too." Āmusutorongu smiles triumphantly. He could tell where this was going.

"A Nakagawa in college…" Otousan looked down at the floor again. Had Otousan even been listening!? He'd heard what Āmusutorongu-sensei had said about constant danger, right? Otousan realized how absurd all of this hall monitor talk is, right? Did Otousan even intend to stop and consider Eita's personal feelings? Eita had just spent the entire day with a demented idiot he'd have never even met if it weren't for the fact he went to the prefectural high school. Yeah, Eita might talk a lot of shit about Kiyoshi but that didn't mean he disliked him. Far from it. He'd grown quite fond of his psychotic friends. He just had a bad habit of always attaching backhands to his compliments. When was the last time Eita had sincerely and unequivocally complimented Kiyoshi anyway?
Eita vaguely recalled praising Kiyoshi last week during judo practice. Was that going to be the last time he ever did something like that for him?

The only reason he'd even gone to that arcade in the first place was because Kiyoshi had put on a ski mask and started to rant about kidnapping Ichiro. Āmusutorongu didn't come here because he cared about Eita. Āmusutorongu came here because of his bullshit personal ideology. Āmusutorongu didn't know about how much of a dork Ichiro was. Āmusutorongu didn't know Ichiro's new girlfriend had a bizarre way of giggling that was the cutest thing ever (according to him). Ichiro had put a lot of effort into explaining his girlfriend's laugh to them. Was Eita really never going to get to hear it? Did Āmusutorongu even know why Eita had gone to that arcade with in the first place? Did Āmusutorongu even know Kiyoshi and Ichiro existed? Did Āmusutorongu sincerely believe any of the crap he'd said about Japan's youth and the future?

"Eita." Otousan finally stood up and looked his son in the eye. A moment passed in silence. When Otousan didn't say anything, something deep down inside Eita hoped that this was how his night was going to end. Eita knew it couldn't end there though. Eita knew what his father was about to ask as soon as he opened his mouth. "I know this is hard for you but would you be willing to transfer schools?"[/quote]

 

[Roadie]

FYI, that is completely unreadable on SV's light theme.

 

[peachesandcream]

FYI, that is completely unreadable on SV's light theme.

Click to shrink...

I forgot the clear formatting button was a thing and manually switched the color to what I was used to (cause I use the dark theme). There. Did that fix that?

 

[Roadie]

I forgot the clear formatting button was a thing and manually switched the color to what I was used to (cause I use the dark theme). There. Did that fix that?

Click to shrink...

Yes.

I also personally don't like the text all being in quote boxes much, but that's a different issue.

 

[peachesandcream]

Yes.

I also personally don't like the text all being in quote boxes much, but that's a different issue.

Click to shrink...

To be honest, is there really any reason for me to put it in quote boxes in this situation? I just kind of did it instinctively because that's considered polite to do when you're posting an article as an OP.

 

[Roadie]

To be honest, is there really any reason for me to put it in quote boxes in this situation? I just kind of did it instinctively because that's considered polite to do when you're posting an article as an OP.

Click to shrink...

But it's not an article, it's your own work.

Quote boxes are generally if you're quoting somebody else, or at most referencing yourself in a conversational context.

 

[Vindictus]

Huh.

Seems interesting enough.

 

[peachesandcream]

I'm going to try and release another full serial around the middle of February. I think I'm going to post the scene I originally planned to put in the last serial before the end of this month, though.

 

[peachesandcream]

Between X-COM 2, job interviews, and my preparations for (hopefully) hosting a panel at Animefest Dallas this year, I won't be able to make the middle of the month. Update will be at the end of the month. For now, I'm just going to leave the art I commissioned from R_A here and jot that down as proof of productivity.

 

[peachesandcream]

@Arkalest had an idea a week or two ago and helped me come up with some Hall Cop Valentine's Day cards. Here they are.

If you're wondering who these people are: most of these characters will be encountered for the first time in the next update.

 

[peachesandcream]

So, I've got some pretty big news. First off, the fun news. My game show adaptation ("the Bad End game") was approved for Dallas' Animefest and right now I'm building my marketing plan around that. I intended to look for an artist and commission some supplementary materials to be made for Animefest. While I was working on this update, I stumbled upon Yogurt Media by complete accident. I wasn't even looking for artists. I was just searching for magical girl reference pictures to help me figure out Nurse Kou's character design. I saw he did 4komas and took commissions so I added him on skype so I could discuss possible artwork. I'm also mulling over a "Bad End Game" quest to help test out my material and prepare for Animefest ahead of time. TL;DR I've got more artwork in the pipeline and I intend to commission at least 3-4 4komas for Hall Cop. Expect a picture of Nurse ★Kou★from Yogurt Media by next monday.

Now for the behind the scenes stuff. I've made it my goal to pump out 12,000 words every two weeks. Because these serials seem to naturally run their course around ~9000 words, that means I'll be able to push out an alpha draft of an issue every 2 weeks and spend the last few days editing it and starting the next one. I'm also talking with a couple other SVers about banding together and setting up a website which we can use as a shared promotion platform/brand. My goal is to have that up by the end of this month. So by the end of march I'm going to have another update out (March 22nd to be exact), some chibi art and promotional materials done from Yogurt Media, and 4komas in the pipe. If I can keep this momentum going I'll have about a dozen Hall Cop issues ready to distribute at Animefest after my panel.

Finally, I'm looking for alpha readers if anyone wants to pitch in. Editors are expensive (fucking one of them asked for $280 dollars to edit each issue! Obviously, I don't have that much money to throw at this and this is just an alpha draft). I'd rather get my money's worth out of one when I use them and use them less rather than more.

Without further ado: my (embarrassingly delayed) update. If you don't into otaku speak, the google doc version has footnotes. I'm still experimenting with how often I want to use literal/rough translations of the otaku speak and when I went to be cute and use words like "Baka."

Hall Cop Public Issue 2 Public Copy Alpha Draft

Bump. Bump. Bump.

Eita cursed under his breath again. It'd been a mistake to try and fix his tie on the train. Every time the train rocked his tie got worse. He wanted to call the train conductor all sorts of foul names but he knew in the back of his mind that everything was his own fault. His parents had warned him an entire week in advance that Kanagawa Academy was an elite school with "elite expectations." All of the male students had to wear sport coats in the winter and ties year round. If he'd taken their advice and practiced a few times a day then his tie probably wouldn't have been messed up and in need of fixing in the first place.

Bump. Bump. Bump.

The train bucked just in time to make Eita choke himself. Eita didn't need to look to know all the salarymen around him were stifling laughter. Bastards. Not everyone is born to wear a tie! Eita dropped his hands to his sides and sighed when he remembered Otousan's police uniform included a tie. Again, Eita's problems were more or less of his own design. The train conductor wasn't shanghaiing him. The salarymen had nothing to do with Eita's inability to tie his tie and asking them to help would merely wound his pride as a Nakagawa.

Bump. Bump. Bump.

This time Eita simply clenched his fists. They sure were trying their damned hardest to make themselves a problem, though, weren't they!? Eita stared down at the noose dangling around his neck and shook his head. To his credit, he'd tried several times to master the mystic art of the tie before school started. It's just every time he did a tantrum swelled in his gut and he flung the tie across the room. He knew he wouldn't be able to pretend anymore that Ichiro and Kiyoshi were still going to be there when he came into class that morning. Looping that crappy little cloth around his neck felt tantamount to surrender and he didn't have the heart to admit the die had been cast the moment as soon as Diet-sensei had stepped into his home. There was a teenager shouting in his head "your fate is your own!" and Eita wanted to believe the teenager was right even if it was obvious he was just going to make things worse.

"Now arriving at: Shin-Yokohama station."

Damnit! The train was going way too fast and Eita's tie was putting up too much of a fight. There was only one more stop between him and his destination now. It was now or never. It was time for Eita to put everything on the line and prove his worth as a warrior by supplexing this tie into submission! As soon as the subway lurched to a stop Eita leaped into action and grabbed the ends of his tie. "I got this shit." Eita snarled at his prey as the salarymen around him flooded out the door. Alright! wide end over narrow end, top over bottom, dunk the rebound, loop it one more time, and then--- what the hell is Kiyoko doing here!? Eita's muscles spasmed just in time to strangle him again. Urk! Sorry... conductor-sama, that one's on me.

Eita relinquished his tie again and glowered at the wall of commuters that surrounded him. Yokohoma's a huge city so the subway carriage was packed tight. There was someone standing or sitting in every crevice of this subway. For a split-second, though, enough people had gotten off the train that Eita could see more than a few feet in front of him. During that brief moment Eita had seen a girl sprawled across the three seats in front of him in a Kanagawa Academy uniform. Yes, three seats, and her feet were encroaching on the passenger sitting in the fourth seat. Somehow that crazy girl was sleeping like a horribly contorted baby even though everyone else was pretty much crammed in nut-to-butt with one another. That in and of itself was proof that Eita was right. He might have only seen her for an instant but he knew from her aggressively selfish posture and the twin-braids dangling from her head that the girl laying in front of him was his childhood friend Kiyoko Matsuo.

In certain types of anime, this would be the moment that the protagonist's childhood friend saved the day. She would quickly notice the protagonist struggling with his tie and rush over to fix it for him with an oh-so-maternal touch. The two would accidentally make eye contact for a moment and then awkwardly look away like the inexperienced teenagers they were. The childhood friend would be so self-conscious and focused on preventing a repeat that she'd mess the tie up at the last second. The two would shift uncomfortably when they realize what just happened, the protagonist would do his best to look at anything other than the delicate girl intruding on his personal space, and his friend would bashfully try her best to fix his tie despite the embarrassment burning in her cheeks.

This is not that kind of anime, Eita huffs. That lazy witch doesn't even realize he's there and she'd probably just burst out laughing if he asked her to help him with his tie. "Wow. Bushi-head can't even tie his own tie? That's so adorable. Who's a wuvely little macho man? Who's a wuvely little macho man?" Just imagining Kiyoko talking to him like he's a helpless puppy is enough to make him pop a blood vessel. Eita didn't even budge when the train heaved into motion. Eita just grabbed his tie and cinched it a fit of rage. The "knot" (if it could even be called that) was sloppy and the bottom of his tie didn't even reach his stomach but as far as Eita was concerned at that moment that was all that mattered. He'd dealt with that problem. Now he could figure out how to deal with the other one.

Normally he'd just walk up, kick her in the shin, and chide her for being so inconsiderate. Eita's old school had told all of his classmates (both male and female) to stand up on public transportation if you were wearing your uniform and all the seats were taken. Eita had read Kanagawa Academy's student handbook in preparation for his hall monitor duties so he knew they advised their students to do the same. Kiyoko must be out of her mind if she thinks she's going to get away with taking up three and half seats! The salaryman in front of Eita swallowed nervously and the woman beside him started to edge away when he cracked his knuckles. They weren't psychic. They had no way to know Eita's rage wasn't directed at him so when he started to advance in their direction they did their best to flee and gave way.

How'd a worthless girl like Kiyoko get into a fancy ass school like the academy anyways? What happened to your "extraordinary talent," Kanagawa Academy? Is this what you meant by glorious future, Diet-sensei? Old ass windbag. You wouldn't know a glorious future if it slapped you in the face and called you a bak--- Eita kicked himself. No. Not today. Not today Kiyoko. You aren't going to drag me down to your level today with that 2chan crap. The crowd partied like a terrified sea as Eita stalked forward towards his prey. Kiyoko? In Kanagawa Academy? What a laugh. They'd gone to different junior and senior high schools but even in kindergarten she'd been… precocious. He still vividly remembered the days he spent at the Shinto shrine his mother's side of the family ran. Kiyoko was always running around there dressed up like a magical girl or a cat-girl or whatever the hell kind of girl she was pretending to be that day. For all Eita knew, Kiyoko was up to so something silly and was just cosplaying with that uniform. After all, Eita was up pretty early. They'd asked him to come in before school started so he could get briefed on his exact duties as a hall monitor. Why would someone like Kiyoko be up this early in her own school uniform?

The situation had deteriorated by the time Eita reached Kiyoko. She'd started to drool, her red-framed glasses were dangling from her ear, and somehow one of her braids had come undone. How!? Eita couldn't even figure out how Kiyoko had become this disheveled in the short time it took him to cross the carriage a few feet. Speaking of feet, her feet were digging into the old man sitting beside her that he looked like he was in a bit of pain. Wait, was that pain? Or was that a pathetic attempt to keep a straight face now that Kiyoko's skirt was wide open? Damnit, Kiyoko is such a bad influence that she can corrupt even the elderly! "Hey, Shiva, wake up. You're being rude." Eita growled and nudged her shoulder. "Hey! Shiva!"

"Stop calling me Shiva, boshi." Kiyoko whined back still half-asleep.

The vein in Eita's forehead bulged when he heard her call him boshi. "I said wake up! The old guy next to you can see your panties!"

"Five more minutes, pleasethankyou." Kiyoko groggily mumbled again.

"Don't preemptively thank me!" Eita snaps and punches her in the calf.

"Ow! What the shit Eita!?" Kiyoko shoots up and clutches her leg. "What kind of man dead-legs a girl in her sleep!? You're supposed to kiss a princess on the lips to wake her up you limp-dick baka virgin!"
"Then stop flashing people on the subway!" Eita hissed. Unsurprisingly, all the talk about panty-flashing was just making the old man in question even more uncomfortable.

"Stop prying into my fetishes Eita! Wait, what the shit? Eita?" Kiyoko straightened her glasses and looked up in shock. It had just dawned on her who she was talking to. "Why are you on this train?" Kiyoko asks with a dumb look on her face.

"What's it look like? I'm going to school."

"What are you wearing?" Kiyoko's jaw drops and her eyes widen.

"My school uniform." Eita smirks. This might be fun.

"And why is your tie so shitty?"

"Fuck off." That didn't last long.

"Why are you wearing a shitty tie with my school's uniform on this train going to my school when you're supposed to be going to school right now?" Kiyoko stared in disbelief at Eita. She seemed to already understand what the answer to her question was but she wanted to hear someone else say it out loud.

"What do you think?" Eita furrowed his eyebrows in contempt.

"Take it off." Kiyoko dropped her feet to the floor and sat up straight.

"What?" Eita blinked.

"I said take it off!" Kiyoko hissed as she shot to her feet.

"Take what off!? My tie!?" Eita hisses back. "It's not like you can fix my tie any better than I can!"

"Forget your shitty tie!" Kiyoko snarled and grabbed Eita's shirt collar. "Take that uniform off right now Boshi!"

"Stop calling me Boshi!" Damnit Eita, what's wrong with your priorities!? "And stop tugging on my shirt!"

"No! I said take it off!" At this point there wasn't any ambiguity in Kiyoko's actions. Her goal was clear. She was trying to take Eita's shirt off and she was having a pretty good go at it too!

"Stop! You're getting it all tangled up with my sport coat!" Eita's warface was gone. He'd been caught completely off guard. What the hell is even going on right now!?
"Then help me and take your sport coat off!" Kiyoko was being persistent like always.

"What the hell are you asking me to do!?" It was Eita's turn to ask a stupid question. He knew what Kiyoko was asking him to do. He just had trouble accepting the fact that Kiyoko was genuinely trying to strip him down right there in the middle of a public subway in broad daylight! And she was making progress! His stomach was completely exposed now! How was she making progress!? Eita was wearing a dress shirt! Button up shirts aren't meant to be taken off like that! Certainly not when you're still wearing stuff over it!

"I said take your clothes off you virgin!" This time she grabbed his tie with one of her hands and tugged on it in time with his shirt collar.

"Urk! H-help! Somebody!" Eita croaked. "Molester!"

Kiyoko froze and looked at Eita with the most disappointed expression he'd ever seen.

"I mean…" Eita froze in turn.

Bump. Bump. Bump.

"Now arriving at: Kikuna Station." The train's automated announcer chimed. The sudden announcement caused Eita and Kiyoko to look around and evaluate their life decisions. The old man that had been sitting next to Eita had not only stood up but wobbled all the way to the other side of the subway car during their scuffle. Everyone was staring and some people were even videotaping them on their phones. Some people (mostly women) looked aghast, others looked bewildered, and still more were snickering at them.

"I swear… I took my eyes off you for one month and you're already being suicidal. What am I going to do with you?" Kiyoko sighed somberly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Eita cocked an eyebrow, still frozen in place with his shirt pulled halfway over his head. The two were suddenly aware of the fact they were standing by the door and people were trying to board the train.

"That school is crazy. It'll be your death." Did… did she just sniffle? Is she being serious for once? "I can't go through this again!"

"Don't be silly. There's no way I'll---"

"I said go home if you want to live through the morning" Kiyoko was through repeating herself. Before Eita could say another word, Kiyoko had grabbed the shoulders of his clothes with both hands and yanked them over his head. Then while he was blind and disoriented, she shoved him out of the train and blocked the doorway until the doors slid shut.

"Now departing: Kikuna station."
Eita's shitty tie had been the least of his concerns after that scuffle with Kiyoko. Eita's tie looked positively radiant once everything else about his person looked like worse than shit. His dress shirt had been missing a bunch of buttons and its collar had been stretched into oblivion. His sports coat was missing all of its buttons so it hadn't fared much better. Even if Eita pulled off a full windsor so perfect that his tie brought an entire board of directors to tears, he'd still get disciplined on the spot because his shirt was practically falling off of him at this point. There was no way in hell Eita was going to be caught anywhere near school like that. He needed to go home and get changed now!

Unfortunately, now wasn't immediate. It took Eita half an hour to get home and get changed into a fresh uniform. Eita spent most of that half hour stewing in rage because everyone was either staring or trying not to stare at him. He got stopped not by one, not by two, but three police officers who wanted to know what happened to him. The first two assumed he'd been assaulted and mugged, but the third one had treated him like a delinquent who was getting in fights instead of going to school. The irony was not lost on Eita. He was determined to get back at Kiyoko for that humiliation before the day was over. First things first, though. Eita had an appointment to keep with the head hall monitor.

… at least, that's what Eita thought. Eita had expected his briefing to be delivered by a student. Perhaps even a teacher. At worst, he expected Āmusutorongu to be there to give him another speech about glory and danger. Instead he was beckoned into the office of a portly red-faced man with one-too-many bald spots on his head and some kind of gun holstered under his armpit. Surely the gun is fake… surely?

"I am not a hall monitor." Eita's boss snapped.

Yes, he could see that. "So, uh… what do I---"

"I am the Hall Chief. You are to refer to me as such." The portly man groused as he collapsed into a chair behind his desk. What the hell is a Hall Chief? Eita had never heard of one before. Sure enough, though, there was a big, bronze name-plate on his desk with the words "Hall Chief Genda" on it. The cigar box on his desk had a tag attached to it that said "To: Hall Chief Genda," the degree mounted on the wall behind him amid all his framed family photos said "Certified Hall Chief," and all the folders scattered around his desk had "HALL CHIEF'S EYES ONLY" stamped on top of them. Eita had no idea what a "Certified Hall Chief" was or why he was carrying such a realistic looking gun, but he could tell it was going to be in his best interest to refer to the man however he wanted to be referred to.

"Y-yes Hall Chief Genda…" Eita apologized and bowed his head.

"Good. Not good enough, though. You've got a lot to make up for even though you haven't even officially started yet." Genda glowered at Eita's downtuned head. "Would you mind explaining to me why you were so late today? School's about to start. This information could have saved your life but you blew your safety briefing off without a second thought!"

And yet you had enough time to spare to berate me on your stupid ass title, Eita mentally grumbled. "Well, I got attacked by one of my fellow students on the way to school and my uniform was in tatters afterwards so---"

"A fellow student? Which fellow student?"

"Kiyoko Matsuo."

"The shrine girl? Are you telling me you're so weak you can't flawlessly beat a single shrine maiden?" The chief's already red-face turned crimson. "And you're supposed to be a hall monitor!?" Eita had no response. He had to admit it sounds pretty bad when you put it like that. "I didn't ask you to make excuses. I asked you to explain. At this point I'm tempted to ask you to turn in your gun and your armband and go home."

What? A gun? Did he just say "turn in your gun?"

"I don't have a gun, sir." Eita smoothly retorted. Eita's brain skipped a beat so he didn't fully process the words he was saying. If he realized what he'd just said, though, he'd probably have raised his voice just a little bit.

"Oh, my mistake." Genda blinked and nonchalantly rolled away from his desk. "I was supposed to give you some stuff after the briefing. Here you go." Genda grabbed one of the boxes on top of his file cabinets and dumped its contents on his desk. Eita was alarmed and confused when he saw there was a gun similar to the one Genda was carrying, a police radio, and a utility belt next to a comparatively mundane hall monitor arm band. Was he serious!? This is a joke, right? That's not a real gun, right? Eita stared at the gun for what felt like an eternity before his brain accepted the fact that the gun looked real. There was a tiny blue tip attached to its muzzle, sure, but it looked solidly built and metallic like Otousan's service revolver. Eita had heard that some countries required all airsoft guns to have colored tips like that but in Japan the only thing they regulate is the power of the gun and whether or not it can be modified to use real live ammunition. So why did it have the blue tip? What was the blue tip supposed to signify? Eita had no idea.

"T-thank you?" Eita uncertainly reached out for the gun and the armband.

"No!" The Chief hissed and snatched the mystery gun up. "I just said you're on thin ice! No gun for you! You're lucky I don't take your armband, too! I don't want anymore screw ups today, understood? Otherwise, I will take that armband."

"Yes sir!" Eita's voice cracked as he put on his armband. Honestly, he was relieved Chief Genda took the gun back. It meant there was still a possibility that this whole thing was just an elaborate joke. It has to be a hazing ritual. It just has to be! Eita told himself.

"Don't forget your radio, either. It's your lifeline." Genda held up the radio and stared at Eita sternly. "You will die without this."
Does everyone in this school have eight grader syndrome? It sure seemed like it. I'm on thin ice? If this was a baseball game Kanagawa Academy would have already struck out. Eita mused as he stormed through the hallway. First off, what kind of name is Āmusutorongu!? And how the hell do you intend to make Japan great again when you've got people like Kiyoko on your roster? If Kiyoko is Japan's future, then they're going to need to redefine a few things in the dictionary because Eita's pretty sure "glorious" isn't synonymous with cat-ears or magical girls and Eita would rather move to India than live in a Japan where gothic lolita is mainstream. As for Hall Chief… Hall Chief. Hall Chief. Hall Chief! Why the hell is that even a thing!? Eita's heart kept telling him that his brain just misheard Genda's words but the radio strapped to his hip told him otherwise. Yes, this school had a "Hall Chief" and yes they acted like the hall monitors were serious business like certified police officers. Apparently Japan's elite are so paranoid about the safety of their children that they will go to any length to make sure their posh private academies are protected from… from? From what? The image of the revolver from before had been burned into Eita's mind. He just couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong with this school.

"That school is crazy. It'll be your death." Kiyoko's words echoed in Eita's head. Pft. That's exactly what someone with eight grader syndrome would say! It's also a textbook example of psychological warfare from Kiyoko. She always says crap like that when she doesn't get her way. There's no reason to be afraid of these melodramatic blue-bloods.

"Hey! Stop touching Yuki! We agreed to take turns!" A feminine cry brought Eita to a skittering halt.

"We didn't agree to anything! You just suddenly said we're going to take turns from now on while I was in the bathroom and acted like Miwa's silence was the same as her agreeing with you!" Another voice shouted back.

"If she didn't agree then she would have said something!" The first voice snapped.

"No I wouldn't. Not when a boss fight is at stake." A third, much less enthusiastic voice interjected.

Eita's eye twitched dangerously when he realized what was going on around the corner ahead of him. Eita didn't fully comprehend why girls were fighting over a boy in the hallway mere seconds before class is supposed to start, but that he'd just stumbled across either disorderly conduct or a public display of affection (PDA). It didn't matter which one it was. Both were explicitly forbidden according to the student handbook and Eita's armband compelled him to act. Time to restore domestic tranquility, Eita thought. "This is Eita." Eita keyed his radio and spoke in plain Japanese since he didn't know what kind of voice procedures the hall monitors used. "I've spotted a disturbance. I'm handling it." Then Eita holstered his radio and stepped around the corner. "Hey! You three!" Eita pointed at the troublemakers. "Stop playing around and go to class!"

The tangle of degenerates froze. "Uh… who are you?" A beautiful blonde foreign girl greeted Eita coldly, her hand fingers deep in someone else's hair.

"I'm the new hall monitor and you're causing a ruckus in the hall." Eita rumbled without missing a beat. He wasn't about to let a couple pretty faces sway him. It would take a lot more than that to breach his guard. "Stop what you're doing and go where you're supposed to be!"

"Annoying." The characteristically unenthusiastic voice from before abruptly declared. W… white hair? The blonde girl was obviously foreign so her hair color made sense. Why was this girl's hair white though? Was she albino? No, her skin wasn't pale enough. Maybe it's a dye job? And why is she wearing a lab coat over her uniform? Man, the infractions just keep piling up with these three!

"Hey! Rookie! Where do you get off calling me a disturbance!? I'm an angel! It's this one who's causing problems! And what do you mean 'you three?' How dare you talk to Yuki like that!?" The third girl in the jumble of bodies hissed. It took Eita a moment to realize why she was calling him a rookie. She had an arm-band and a radio just like his. So wait, she's a hall monitor too!? But her hair is purple! Forget the other two's hair. There is no way at all that's her natural hair color! Something must be done!

"How do you do? I'm Yuki Sato." A hand suddenly appeared in front of him.

Holy shitballs motherfucker what the hell!? There was a guy there this entire time!? Eita panicked. This Yuki guy was a real monster. He had three hot girls wrapped clinging to him and he still managed to look so plain that Eita forgot why he'd intervened in the first place. The foreign girl had been playing with his hair this entire time and Eita hadn't noticed because he had so little presence. Somehow he just made the fourway PDA look so utterly, aggressively… boring. "Uh... Eita Nakagawa." Eita shakily reached out and shook the phantom's hand. "Nice to meet you." He seemed like an okay guy at the very least.

"Welcome to the academy." Yuki smiled politely.

"T-thank you…" Eita's heart was pounding so loudly that he almost didn't notice the bell ring. "You shouldn't be doing that in public, you know? It's lewd." Eita bit his tongue as soon as he realized he let a Kiyoko-ism slip.

"It'd be mean to push them away when they're just trying to act on their feelings, though, wouldn't it?" Yuki frowned. What kind of response is that!? There wasn't even a hint of excitement in his face. Is that really all he had to say about this unique position he'd found himself in? Shit, this was the first time Eita had seen a foreign girl his age in person. It took all his discipline just to talk normally. How could he look so blasé when she was petting his hair so affectionately!?

"It doesn't matter. They can act on their feelings after school. Right now you thr--- four need to go to class." Eita insisted.

"Hey, rookie. Do you see this arm-band?" The purple haired girl gestured at the cloth wrapped around her arm. "I don't need a hall pass. I've already got this."

"I don't see one around your boyfriend's arm, though." Eita twitched again.

"I'm his arm-band!" Purple countered by pulling Yuki's right arm tighter against her.

"Y… you can't be serious." Eita gawked.

"You got something to say, rookie!?" The veins in purple's forehead bulged.

"Yeah. 'I'm a baka virgin who doesn't know how to kiss a girl.' That's what he wants to say." Blondie smirks.

"The fuck did you just say to me?" Eita clenched his teeth and glared at blondie. That retort sounded awfully familiar…!

"You're Kiyoko's friend, right?"

Eita knew it. That little… "Stop trying to change the subject! Unhand Sato and go to class before I make you unhand him!" Eita stepped forward.

"Oh. It looks like I touched a nerve. I guess that means I was right?" Blondie snickered behind her free hand.

"I'm not going to tell you again: go to class!" Eita took several more steps forward and lifted his hand.

"I dare you to touch me." Blondie glared defiantly back at him. Eita wasted no time in obliging her. As soon as he was in range Eita reached out and grabbed one of her arms. Before he could armbar her to the floor, though, Blondie screamed "help! Molester!"

"Take your hands off her!" An unfamiliar voice shrieked to his side, right as something wooden and stick-like appeared in his peripheral vision.

"Huh?" Eita blinked. The last thing he remembered was seeing a speeding object approaching his face. Everything after that was darkness.
Eita's head throbbed. He'd been fading in and out of consciousness for a while now so he didn't have any idea how much time had passed. He was faintly aware of the fact that he was lying down on a bed right now but he didn't know whether that meant he was at home, the nurse's office, or even a hospital. All Eita knew was he had somewhere to lie down right now and wasn't feeling picky about it. His entire body felt like it was made of stone. It was so unresponsive that he started to think he might be paralyzed. It wasn't until he found enough strength to place a hand on his head that he realized he could still move. Even then, the light made his eyes burn and it took a while before he'd recovered enough to sit up straight and take in his surroundings.

Pink. Pink curtains surrounded him on all sides. Did that mean he was in the nurse's office? The bed he was lying on certainly seemed like the kind you'd see in a place like that. He'd never heard of a hospital which used pink curtains in its rooms, either, so he doubted that he was in one. Then again, he'd never seen a Nurse's Office with pink curtains either so the only thing Eita could deduce so far was that he wasn't at home. So where was he exactly? Eita threw the curtains aside and swung his feet over the side of the bed so he could look around.

Pink. Pink and white. The room was segregated for some reason. Half of the room was unbearably frilly and vibrant like a little girl's room. All of the pillows were heart-shaped--- even the one Eita's head had been resting on--- and he could see more than a couple stuffed animals. The other half was oppressively sterile and filled with serious looking equipment (some of which didn't look like hospital equipment) and beakers. It looked less like a place for sick people and more like a place for test subjects. The pink side of the room had a desk with a couple of adorable plushies and a colorful journal on it. The desk on the white side of the room had mountains of papers, notebooks, and textbooks on it.

What kind of school would organize its nurse's office like this? The answer to that particular question was painfully obvious. This school. This fucking school fucking would. Eita groused as he tried to push himself to his feet. His legs buckled as soon as he put weight on them, though, so he quickly fell to his knees and regretted insulting the school's interior designer. That would have hurt a lot more if it weren't for the fact that this unbearably frilly side of the room had a couple rugs. That's got to be a health violat--- Eita nipped that thought in the bud. No, now wasn't the time for that. Now was the time to be gracious that the concrete floor had something on it to cushion his fall.

"H-hello? Is anyone here?" Eita croaked. Just stringing the words together necessary to talk hurt his brain. He wasn't a stranger to pain: he knew how it felt to get punched so hard that you saw stars. He knew what it was like to be so disoriented that you had double vision. He'd long ago learned that those weren't things that cartoons made up. He was used to getting the wind knocked out of him. It wasn't just an expression. That was how it really felt. There was something different about this feeling though. He couldn't quite place his finger on it but he didn't just feel weak. He felt distant. His brain had to fight to make his limbs obey and it felt like his spirit was barely clinging to his body. Honestly, Eita would have preferred to be gasping for breath to this. It would be a lot less frustrating if nothing else. You can "play through pain." You can't play through something like this.

Eita waited a minute or before he tried pull himself to his feet again. His body still felt groggy and numb but he had enough control now to wobble and that was all he needed right then. Since no one had responded to him then he needed to find someone who could tell him… something. What time is it? Hell, what day is it? What even happened? He definitely had a concussion but how'd he get one, though? And where was he? He was still at school, right? The Nakagawa Acad--- shit. No, that's his last name. Kanna Nobu--- fuck. No, that's a voice actor. The first part was right though. The Kanagawa something or other something something extraordinary.

Eita's thoughts came to him slowly and uncertainly. By the time he'd managed to remember the name of his new school, "the Kanagawa Academy for Extraordinary Talent," he'd already managed to robotically stagger through several halls and reach the door to his classroom. What? What was he supposed to do in class like this? He didn't even have his bag with him anymore! His stuff was still probably in the nurse's office for crying out loud. What was he thinking? Stupid! Stupid! Baka! Eita slapped his forehead in frustration. To his surprise his hand hit something crunchy and sharp. It took a moment for him to realize there'd been a bunch of sticky notes on his head this entire time. Son of a… Eita sighed and snatched the slips of paper from his face. These had to be from the nurse. At the very least, the first four notes or so were obviously from the person responsible for the pink half of the nurse's office. It couldn't just be a coincidence that the handwriting in the note is this neat and flowery:
Nakagawa, you were brought to the Nurse's Office by your class rep after you collapsed in the hall. You didn't move for a while so everyone was really worried. Please be more careful from and think about the people around you before you hurt your heart. -Nurse ★Kou★

Eita crushed the notes in his hand. If one sticky note isn't enough, then the problem isn't the sticky notes! It's your words! Everything "Nurse Kou" wrote could have been summed up on one sticky note as "You collapsed in the hall. Be more careful!" That was more reading and agitation than he could handle right now. His brain was lagging so badly and the writing was so funky that he had to read each sticky note several times before he understood its content. Whoever this Nurse Kou is, they're obviously just going to be another pain in his ass! "Speaking of pain in the ass…" Eita mentally sighed. Eita was pretty sure the last note was from someone other than Nurse Kou entirely because it was something else entirely:
BAD END!
The words were written in red marker with sloppy, jagged strokes. Obviously, the last sticky note was someone's idea of a joke. There are obviously way too many chuunibyuu with troublesome senses of humor at this school, Eita mused as he threw the crumpled up papers into a trashcan and started to work his way back to the nurse's office. If this is how every day at Kanagawa Academy for "Extraordinary Talent" is going to go, then Eita is going to need to find something sacred to keep his soul intact long until he was able to graduate. It didn't need to be anything fancy like pray at a shrine or meditate. He just needed a ritual to inject logic into his daily routine. Karaoke Saturdays, maybe? No. That wouldn't work. Before long "Karaoke Saturdays" would become "Karaoke Monday and Saturdays." Then it'd become "Karoake Monday-Wednesday-Friday-Saturdays." Before the year is over he'd probably cry his heart out at a karaoke bar every day after school. No, Karaoke Saturdays would just make him go even more insane.

Eita skittered to a stop. There was something even more more insane than Hall Chiefs or Yuki Satos in front of the Nurse's Office. Three girls were loitering. If that wasn't bad enough, two of them were wearing shrine maiden outfits and all three of them were wearing fake animal ears and tails. One of them was dressed up like a cat, the other was pretending to be a rabbit-girl, and the finally third one was cosplaying as a kitsune. The sight would be be nostalgic to Eita if it weren't for the fact it pissed him off unbelievably to see it. Cosplaying was predictably forbidden by the student handbook and Eita wasn't about to let these girls--- especially the kitsune--- get away with it. The pain in Eita's head melted away as he stomped towards the trio of rulebreakers. "Kiyoko!" Eita snarled as he grabbed a fake fox ear. "What the hell has gotten into you!? What in the world makes you think this could possibly be okay!?"

"Eita…!" Kiyoko squeaks and arches her back to his touch. "Y-you s-shouldn't be so forward in public!"

"What are you even talking about!?" Eita snapped as he tugged at the fake ear. "This is not alright!" Eita tugged the ear again but it just wouldn't come off. What? Did she friggin glue this to her head? Even Kiyoko wouldn't be that stupid. Was this what high quality cosplay ears were like? Come to think of it these ears did feel a lot warmer and fluffier than the fake ears Eita had seen before.

"S-top! Not here!" Kiyoko whined throatily. "I'll let you touch them after school! Just be patient!"

"Lewd." The bunny-girl murmurs, her mouth hidden behind her hands. Suddenly, Eita was aware of the fact that the cat-girl and the bunny-girl were staring aghast at his grip on Kiyoko's ears.

"You again!?" A familiar voice roared behind Eita. "Die again you shitty pervert!" Once again a speeding wooden object entered Eita's vision. Then there was darkness

Eita's head throbbed. He'd been fading in and out of consciousness for a while now so he didn't have any idea how much time had passed. It was obvious he'd "collapsed" again. His body was numb and his spirit was weak just like before. This time, though, he felt someone touching him when he faded in and out of consciousness. He could hear people talking nearby but his brain was still too hazy to process what they were saying. Eventually the fog cleared and Eita was able to sit up again. As soon as he did, though, Eita wished he hadn't. This time when Eita sat up there were two people standing beside the bed. One of them had the smuggest looking face Eita had ever seen and a couple of fox-ears attached to her head. The other was a junior high schooler who looked like she'd gotten lost on her way to Akihabara. Her frilly pink pumpkin shorts and cutesy side tail looked like they belonged on some painfully moe idol, the giant white bow tied to the back of her waist looked impractical for everyday use, that buckled-up white corset was trying way too hard to be cool, and her corset pink-and-white striped thigh-high socks were grade A absolute territory. In short, Eita had been ambushed by cosplaying chuunis.

"Told ya you were gonna die." The smug wannabe fox-girl smirked.

"Shut up Kiyoko. Just… just shut it." Eita groaned and rubbed his head. Almost immediately his hands found the sticky note clinging to his face just like the last time he got knocked out.

"Oh-ho-ho? That's the best you can do? You seem a bit off your game today. Did something happen?" Kiyoko's smugness intensified.

"I'm just a little woozy!" Eita snapped. "I didn't die! I just got a couple concussions!"

"Isn't that basically the same thing?" Kiyoko rolled her eyes and turned to the wannabe idol beside her. "You know if it weren't for this adorable kitten you probably wouldn't even able to manage even that weak little retort." Kiyoko explained as she pointedly started to play with the girl's sidetail.

"H-hey! Stop! I've told you a dozen times that you need to show me respect!" The little girl protested. She was obviously familiar enough to know with Kiyoko to know that her groping never stopped with your hair. Unfortunately for the girl, even kittens know how to hiss and since this girl was so helpless she couldn't even manage that there was no way Kiyoko was going to leave her alone until she got bored of messing with her. Eita didn't see that happening any time soon though given that her pathetic wailing would just make it more amusing for Kiyoko to mess with her. "Don't make me call the headmaster! You can't treat faculty like this!"

"No way." Eita stared blankly at the frilly chuuni.

"Huh?" Both girls froze and stared back at him.

"That can't be Nurse Kou."

"Oh-ho-ho?" Kiyoko grinned ear to ear like a cheshire cat.

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean!?" The little girl cried. It was clear that was her best attempt at an angry scream. "I work very hard to keep our students healthy you know!"

"Damnit." Who was he kidding? Of course that was Nurse Kou. For crying out loud she signed her sticky notes from before as Nurse ★Kou★!

"Hey! Stop! You're being way too rash!" Nurse Kou panicked. "You need to rest! You really did die! Both times, even! I brought you back to life both times!"

"Of course you did." Eita sighed as he stumbled towards the desk on the frilly side of the room. "You're some kind of magical, right?"

"Yes!" This time Nurse Kou did manage to scream. It seemed like even she was able to pick up on sarcasm.

"Right. What'd you wish for? The power to save your friends? World peace? No, wait, a puppy!" Eita quipped as he jerked open the top drawer. "I bet your parents never let you have a puppy so you wished you could have a puppy! A magic puppy who can fight wraiths!"

"Eita… that's not funny." Kiyoko mumbled quietly. "You're kind of being a dick"

"Yeah! Y-you shouldn't go through a girl's things like that!" Kou tugged at Eita's sport coat. Eita didn't need to look know Kiyoko was still running her fingers through Kou's hair and treating her like a little sister rather than a teacher. "I'm just trying to help you!"
"No you're not. You're just trying to sucker me into whatever stupid game you and Kiyoko are playing. Give me my stuff so I can go to class." Eita demanded as he tore open another drawer and rooted around in that one too.

"No! You're still recovering! I don't know what's going to happen if I keep bringing you back like this!"

"Bull!" Eita grabbed his hall monitor gear from the bottom drawer and snapped up his bag from the floor. "I'll be fine!" Eita insisted as he turned for the door.

"No you won't! You already died twice!" Kou tightened her grip on Eita's coat.

"No! It's just a headache!" Eita hissed. He was done with this crap. He was going to class so he could get this day over with.

"You said it was a concussion before! Make up your mind!" Kou squealed as Eita dragged her across the room with Kiyoko in tow.

"Yeah, even concussions are pretty serious." Kiyoko chimed in. She'd moved on from Kou's hair to the giant ribbon-bow around her waist.

"And you need to stop touching me!"

"I'm sorry. I don't know what my body is doing. I think I got a concussion too and now I've got brain dam---"

"You've always had brain damage!" Eita shouted.

"Hey! No bullying!" Kiyoko frowned.

"The same to you!" Eita threw the door open and ripped Kou's hands off of him. "You need to be nicer to your friends!"

"I'm a faculty member damnit!" Kou screamed again.

"Whatever!" Eita slammed the door shut behind him. If she really was the school nurse then that was even less reason to give her respect. It'd just be one more reason to not show anyone who works at this school respect. Kiyoko being a student at Kanagawa Academy was bad enough. That shit with Yuki Sato though? This crap with Nurse Kou? The friggin concussions? "And these damn sticky notes?" Eita mentally snarled as he tore the sticky note off his forehead and looked at it:
BAD END!

It looked just like the last one he'd gotten. This is ridiculous. This school struck out a long time ago. This isn't even a baseball game anymore. This is an on-field brawl between a referee who'd called a strike as a strike and a team of psychotic baseball players who thought their team-mate had somehow hit a home-run. Eita just wanted school to be over at this point so he could go home. Eita was so absorbed in his fuming that he didn't notice a girl scream when the wind pick uped and violently blew through a window that had been open for some reason.

"Hey! Hey!" The girl yelled at his back.

"Huh?" Eita turned around. He was surprised to see an angry looking girl staring at him. Had he passed her in the hall? He hadn't been paying attention. To be honest, he was still pretty out of it. His rage had dulled his pain but it still felt like his head was pounding like a drum. The girl tried to say something but her voice was so quiet that he couldn't understand her. And what the hell is with that practice kendo sword on her hip? Clubs don't meet until after school. School wasn't out yet, right? "Huh?" Eita repeated himself.

"Did you see them…?" The girl asked a little louder.

"See… what?" Between the girl's mumbling, the mallet hammering on his head, and his building frustration, Eita was utterly lost. Was she trying to tell him something? Eita glanced dumbly at the window. Maybe she saw his armband and was trying to tell him the windows are supposed to be shut during the winter? "The window? Yeah, I can see the window. It's open. Is… is it supposed to be closed?"

"Don't play dumb with me! You obviously saw them! You're just distracted because you're burning the image into your brain!" The girl raised her voice again and slammed her fist into his chin before he could even say "huh." This time Eita could feel his feet leave the ground and saw the ceiling speeding towards his face before he blacked out.

Eita's head throbbed. He'd been fading in and out of consciousness for a while now so he didn't have any idea how much time had passed.

"Are you calm now?" It was Kiyoko. She must still be hanging around the nurse's office instead of going to class.

"Yes." Eita mumbled in defeat. He still sounded half-dead. He looked half-dead, too. He was completely motionless. He just kept lying there with his eyes closed as he ruminated on his poor life choices.

"Feel like taking a nap now? It's lunch time now so you've got some time." Kiyoko continued.

"Okay."

"Want me to bring you something back?"

"Yes."

"I'm not sure what I'll be able to get. The cafeteria here gets a little hectic. Will it be okay if I just bring back the first thing I find?"

"Okay." Eita opened an eye and looked at Kiyoko. The animal ears and shrine maiden outfit was gone. She was finally properly attired for school. Eita closed his eye and turned his head away. "Is there a sticky note on my head?"

"Yes."

"What does it say?"

"Bad end in big red marker."

"Okay."

"Do you want me to take it off?"

"Yes."

"Okay." Kiyoko gently pulled the slip of paper off his head. If only Kiyoko had been this helpful this morning… maybe then Eita's shitty tie wouldn't have been so problematic. "I'm leaving." Kiyoko suddenly announced. It sounded like she was over by the door now.

"Bye." Eita knew he couldn't deny it any longer. He died today. How'd that saying from James Bond go again? "One time is happenstance, two times is coincidence, and three times is enemy action?" For sure, this was enemy action. The painful haze enveloping his brain certainly felt like enemy action. Someone, somehow, for some reason, killed Eita three times today. Not once. Not twice. Three times. They'd killed him three times. How was he still alive? Had Nurse Kou brought him back? Was she really a magical girl? Was she more than just a chuuni? It certainly seemed like a possibility now and that terrified Eita. How did her powers work? Was it three strikes and you're out? Does that mean she won't be able to bring him back to life anymore? What if it follows cat logic? He'd have six more lives he could do whatever he wanted with. Well, unless Kou got sick of reviving him… he should probably apologize to Nurse ★Kou★. He really had been a bit of a dick to her.

"I'm back." Eita heard the door slide open and a couple metallic clanging noises. One of them sounded like a chain rattling. "I got a handful of meat dumplings, a couple slices of bread, a package of soft noodles, a mushed up boiled egg, and... uh. I spilled most of the soup. Sorry."

Eita opened his eye and looked at Kiyoko again. Kiyoko was still wearing her proper school uniform. The problem is somehow she'd gotten blood on it and there were chopsticks stuck in her hair. One of her braids had a shuriken in it and there was a lasso around her ankle. The tray the food was on was an anarchic mess. "It's okay." Eita closed his eye and looked away again. "Did you get any juice?" Was the best response he had.

"Nope. I got some milk though. Want some?" Kiyoko asked as she put the tray down on the bed next to him and took a seat.

"Why didn't you bring a lunch?" Eita sighed. He'd finally recovered enough to be snippy with her.

"Too much work." Kiyoko casually popped a dumpling in her mouth and shrugged. Too much work? Really? Making a lunch takes more work than pulling bladed projectiles out of your hair? "Why didn't you bring a lunch?"

"I forgot to make sure we had enough ingredients for lunch." Eita sat up and grumbled. "We've still got five students in the house. Chiyo and I agreed to let Chinatsu and the twins have what little food we had." It seemed like the mature thing to do. Chiyo and Eita were high school students. They could do without a home made lunch for a day. They could take care of themselves.

"So auntie is still busy teaching night classes?" Kiyoko frowned and held out a slice of bread to Eita.

"Yeah. I don't know what's going on with Okaasan." Eita shrugged and accepted the bread with his hand. Eita's mother had grown up around monks and shrine maidens so she had some really old-fashioned quirks. He'd never seen her openly fight with Otousan. Her anger always manifested in weird ways like teaching more night classes than usual or cooking a dinner that Otousan despised. The dinner was always cooked well, it's just it would consist of food that Otousan didn't care for.

"How's Etsuo doing?" Kiyoko glanced uncertainly at Eita's eyes.

"He's okay. Otousan said he's getting a commendation for exemplary service this year." Eita calmly reported as he took a bite out of the bread.

"Feeling jealous? Or…?" Kiyoko's voice trailed off.

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?" Eita snapped and spewed crumbs everywhere.

"Nothing really…" Kiyoko huffed and puffed out her cheeks.

"Why do you always have to ruin the mood and act all weird?" Eita complained.

"I'm not the one who ruined the mood this time." Kiyoko mumbled and defiantly shoved the rest of the meat dumplings into her mouth. Before Eita could say another word she stood up and slapped something against his forehead. "This was fun. We should do this again sometime." Kiyoko smirked, her mouth still packed full of food. "I'll see you in class." Kiyoko proclaimed in-between chews. Then she left. What did she slap on his head? Eita already knew the answer. Eita didn't even hesitate. He just pulled the sticky note from his head and calmly read it with his mouth full of bread:
BAD END!

Click to shrink...

 

[No_Meaning]

Good luck. Congrats on the Bad End game being approved.